Original subtitles

[***]

IT'S MAGNIFICENT.

THE GATEWAY TO ANOTHER WORLD.

I NEVER IMAGINED THAT IT COULD BE SO...

BEAUTIFUL.

READY THE PROBE.

QUICKLY! BEFORE IT FADES.

SUCCESS.

TEARS, RANKOL?

I'M SORRY. I...

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

WEEP, IF YOU MUST.

BUT WEEP FOR EARTH.

[***]

YOU BORROW A GUY'S CAR, FILL IT UP WITH GAS.

UNIVERSAL LAW.

YEAH, IT'S LAW THAT'D BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER TO FOLLOW

WITH A WORKING GAS GAUGE.

YEAH, OKAY, AND AS SOON AS YOU FIND

A WORKING 1967 FACTORY WORKING PART,

I'LL BUY IT,

BUT, UNTIL THEN, YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL

WHEN IT NEEDS GAS.

I'M GONNA BE LATE.

OKAY, DRIVE.

GOT IT? GOT IT.

7:55.

STILL GOT PLENTY OF TIME.

WELL, I STILL GOT TO REGISTER

AND GET CHANGED.

SO WE'RE A LITTLE LATE, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

YOU'VE ALREADY WON THE THING TWICE.

SHARE THE GLORY.

IT IS A BIG DEAL, ALL RIGHT?

NOW STOP DRIVING LIKE MY GRANDMA AND GO.

[***]

SEE? TOLD YOU WE'D MAKE IT!

[CHEERING AND SHOUTING]

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WE RAN OUT OF GAS.

I KNEW I SHOULD'VE COME WITH YOU.

I'VE ALREADY FILLED IT OUT.

JUST SIGN IT.

THANKS, MOM.

JUST HURRY UP AND GO.

[ALL CHEERING]

GO!

[***]

[CHEERING]

WHOO!

[ALL CHEERING]

THAT'S MY BOY! THAT'S MY BOY!

[CROWD CHEERING]

SEE? PIECE OF CAKE,

AND I BARELY BROKE A SWEAT.

OH, YOUR FATHER WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROUD.

THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO.

AHH...

WHOO!

THANKS FOR BEING HERE WITH ME TODAY, GUYS.

IT'S A PERFECT DAY!

[***]

[***]

AND FINALLY,

THE FIRST EVER THREE-TIME WINNER

OF THE TRI-CITY MARATHON,

KENDAL'S VERY OWN FLASH GORDON!

[CROWD CHEERING]

THANK YOU.

HEY, FLASH, NICE JOB.

WAY TO GO, FLASH.

WE GOT A SITUATION HERE

THAT I THINK YOU NEED TO BE MADE AWARE OF.

DALE'S HERE.

COME ON, THAT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.

WHERE IS SHE?

NO, NO, NO, DON'T LOOK, DON'T LOOK.

SHE'S OVER THERE,

AND, DUDE, SHE'S HOT.

HEY, CRONKITE,

YOU READY TO DO THIS OR NOT?

YEAH. JUST FIXING MY MAKEUP.

SO, JOELY WAS RIGHT?

YOU HAD A THING WITH THAT FLASH GUY?

IT WAS NOT A "THING."

WE DATED FOR A WHILE.

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, JOELY.

I THINK WE'RE GOING TO

HAVE TO GO WITH A LAPEL MIKE TODAY.

YOU READY?

YEAH.

OKAY, HERE SHE COMES.

JUST BE COOL, AND REMEMBER,

YOU'RE THE CHAMPION.

THIS IS YOUR DAY.

NO ONE CAN TAKE THIS MOMENT FROM YOU.

THANK YOU, DR. PHIL.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

JOELY LAVANT, WIAD-4 NEWS.

CAN WE GET A FEW WORDS WITH YOU?

SURE.

HEY, DALE.

HEY, FLASH.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

YEAH, SORRY.

THINGS HAVE BEEN A BIT HECTIC.

NEW APARTMENT, NEW JOB.

I WAS GOING TO CALL.

YEAH. NO WORRIES.

YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.

IT'S ALL JUST HAIR AND MAKEUP.

COULD YOU GIVE US A SECOND, GUYS?

SO I'VE SEEN YOU ON THE NEWS A FEW TIMES NOW.

YOU'RE A... YOU'RE A LOCAL CELEBRITY NOW, HUH?

JUST TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH YOU.

YOU NEVER HAD A HARD TIME WITH THAT.

SO, UM... WHEN DID YOU GET BACK INTO TOWN?

LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHEN I GOT BACK.

OKAY, MAYBE A FEW PEOPLE...

EVERYONE I KNOW MAY HAVE MENTIONED IT TO ME.

ANYWAYS, WELCOME BACK.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE GIG.

IT'S YOU THAT SHOULD BE CONGRATULATED.

TRIPLE MARATHON WINNER.

PRETTY AMAZING.

SO, WHERE ARE YOU LIVING THESE DAYS?

SAME PLACE.

YOU MEAN...

YEAH... WITH MY MOM.

NICK AND ME, WE HAVE A SHOP THERE,

AND SHE... SHE TRAVELS FOR WORK

MOST OF THE TIME ANYWAYS,

SO IT WORKS OUT PRETTY WELL.

ANYWAY, YOU WANT TO DO IT?

THE INTERVIEW. I MEAN THE INTERVIEW.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT. YEAH.

COME ON, LET'S DO THIS.

YEAH. I-I KNEW THAT.

SHE GOES TO YALE,

PROBABLY GRADUATED WITH HONORS.

SHE'S GOT THIS GREAT CAREER GOING,

AND I STILL LIVE WITH MY MOM.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE?

YEAH, A GOOD SON.

YOUR MOM NEEDED YOU, AND YOU STEPPED UP.

THAT'S WHAT A GOOD SON DOES.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT I MEAN,

HER X-RAYS HAVE BEEN CLEAR FOR A YEAR.

IT'S TIME I GOT MY OWN PLACE.

YEAH, IF YOU MOVE, SHE SELLS THE HOUSE.

IF SHE SELLS THE HOUSE, WE AIN'T GOT NO SHOP.

YOU AIN'T MOVIN' OUT.

NOW, CAN WE GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT?

THAT RACE WORE ME OUT.

I'LL DROP YOU OFF. THERE'S SOMETHING I GOT TO DO.

THIS FLASH GUY IS ONE HOT SLAB OF MAN.

HOW LONG WERE YOU TWO TOGETHER?

PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION.

WHAT HAPPENED?

LIFE HAPPENED.

YEAH, IT HAS A WAY OF DOING THAT, HUH?

BUT I SEE YOU LANDED ON YOUR FEET.

YOU AND JOE SET A DATE YET?

NO, BUT WHAT DO YOU CARE?

YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE WEDDINGS.

MM. I LIKE TO BE REMINDED

OF WHAT I'M NOT MISSING.

[***]

THIS IS FOR YOU, DAD.

GO!

WHOO-HOO!

WELL, I'D SAY WE MADE A MISTAKE

CALLING YOU STEVEN.

FROM NOW ON, I'M CALLING YOU "FLASH."

COOL.

[SALSA MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

[SINGING ALONG]

Cuál es eso?

Cuál es eso?

Oye, abeja!

[GUNSHOT]

COVER? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, COVER?

YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.

THAT'S STEVE, A.K.A. FLASH GORDON,

TRIPLE MARATHON WINNER.

SHOW SOME RESPECT.

FINE, HE GETS IN, BUT YOU PAY.

YOU ARE SO BUYING DRINKS.

I'LL BE IN IN A SECOND.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

HEY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

HEY, HEY!

STOP! PULL OVER!

FREAK...

WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME?

PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME.

I DON'T LIKE BEING TOUCHED. TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.

I'M NO ONE, OKAY? SO JUST LET ME GO.

ALL RIGHT, WE CAN DO THIS THE HARD WAY.

NO, LOOK-- AH! OKAY.

I'M NOT SOME KIND OF FREAK, OKAY?

I JUST... I WORKED FOR YOUR FATHER.

I WAS HIS ASSISTANT.

AT THE UNIVERSITY?

NO.

DID HE NEVER TALK TO YOU ABOUT HIS WORK?

HE WAS A PHYSICS PROFESSOR.

OKAY, SO YOU DON'T KNOW. KNOW WHAT?

ABOUT THE PORTAGE INITIATIVE?

WHAT'S THE PORTAGE INITIATIVE?

I'M SORRY, I HAVE TO GO.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

DON'T TOUCH ME.

TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON.

IF YOU SEE YOUR FATHER, TELL HIM TO TRUST NO ONE.

MY FATHER'S DEAD.

YES, OF COURSE.

I WON'T BOTHER YOU AGAIN.

SO I RAN INTO THIS GUY LAST NIGHT.

MM-HMM?

SAID HE USED TO WORK WITH DAD.

DARK HAIR, KIND OF WILD EYES.

YOUR FATHER WORKED WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE.

SIT DOWN, I'LL MAKE YOU SOME EGGS.

MOM, I CAN DO IT.

I'M LEAVING FOR ATLANTA TOMORROW.

IT MIGHT BE THE ONLY MEAL I GET TO COOK FOR YOU.

NOW SIT.

SO THIS IS YOUR THIRD VICTORY.

ANY PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?

RIGHT NOW, ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT

IS A HOT SHOWER AND A COLD BEER.

DIDN'T THIS PIECE AIR YESTERDAY?

I GUESS SOME STORIES NEVER DIE, HUH?

I WAS GRABBING A STILL FOR THE WEBSITE.

WELL, IF YOU CAN TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM YESTERDAY'S NEWS,

THERE'S SOME GUY HERE WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE FOUND AN ALIEN POD.

SO THIS GUY SAID HE USED TO WORK WITH DAD

ON SOMETHING CALLED THE "PORTAGE INITIATIVE."

[EGGS SMASH] OH...

HE EVER TALK ABOUT THAT?

UM...

NO, HE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT HIS WORK.

[CLEARS THROAT AWKWARDLY]

EVEN IF HE HAD, I WOULDN'T HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT.

ALL THOSE NUMBERS.

I CAN BARELY BALANCE MY CHECKBOOK.

POPPY OR SESAME?

POPPY.

SO THIS PORTAGE INITIATIVE, I, UH...

FOUND SOME INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET ABOUT IT.

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?

NOTHING.

ALL I KNOW

IS THAT HE DID SOME RESEARCH OUTSIDE THE UNIVERSITY,

BUT, LIKE I SAID, HE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

WHAT KIND OF RESEARCH?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, DID HE LEAVE ANY PAPERS BEHIND, ANYTHING?

THEY CAME AND TOOK THEM ALL.

WHO? I DON'T KNOW.

PLEASE, STEVEN,

DON'T GO POKING AROUND IN THIS.

THIS IS ABOUT DAD.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM.

HE WAS KILLED IN A FIRE.

THEN HOW COME THEY NEVER FOUND A BODY?

LET THIS GO, STEVEN.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU, I'LL TELLING YOU.

THAT PROJECT, WHATEVER IT WAS,

COST ME A HUSBAND.

IT WON'T COST ME A SON, TOO.

COME ON, EAT YOUR EGGS.

[KNOCKING GENTLY]

WHAT WAS THAT LIGHT?

JUST WATCHING SOME TV.

THAT WASN'T TV LIGHT.

GO TO BED, FLASH.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

HE SAYS IT LOOKED LIKE A BIG BEE.

Vino de un agujero en el cielo.

Tiró a rayos de la luz de él es ojos.

IT CAME FROM A HOLE IN THE SKY,

AND SHOT RAYS OF LIGHT FROM ITS EYES.

No me gustó, así que yo lo tiro.

HE DIDN'T LIKE IT, SO HE SHOT IT.

AND THAT'S WHAT'S IN THE BAG?

Si.

AH-AH!

Ciento para mirar. Cinco cientos para tocar.

HE WANTS 100 TO LOOK AT IT, 500 TO TOUCH IT.

SOUNDS LIKE MY LAST DATE.

TELL HIM TO CALL THE ENQUIRER.

WE DON'T PAY FOR STORIES.

La cambio para el boleto de la lotería.

HE'LL TRADE YOU FOR THE LOTTERY TICKET.

WINNING THE LOTTERY, OR FINDING AN ALIEN POD,

WHICH HAS BETTER ODDS?

IT'S KIND OF A TOSS-UP.

Gracias.

[GROANS]

Increíble, ¿eh?

REMIND ME NEVER TO TAKE YOU TO VEGAS WITH ME.

STRIKE ME, BABY!

[RIFT ALERT BLARING]

XCALIBUR LANES.

AH...

ONE CHERRY '67 FIREBIRD FUEL GAUGE.

DUDE, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?

I KNOW PEOPLE THAT KNOW PEOPLE.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU LAST NIGHT?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY DATE BAIT,

AND YOU BAILED.

SOMETHING CAME UP.

YEAH, LIKE A DALE-EMMA.

IT WAS NOT ABOUT DALE.

WHATEVER!

IT WAS ABOUT MY DAD.

OKAY, THIS IS WEIRD.

FOUR PEOPLE AT THE XCALIBUR LANES

JUST REPORTED BEING ATTACKED BY AN ALIEN.

THINK WE SHOULD CHECK IT OUT?

WHAT IS THIS? ALIEN HOMECOMING WEEK?

YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE A HOAX.

WELL, YEAH, BUT IT'D BE A GREAT TEASE.

PEOPLE LOVE THEIR ALIENS

ALMOST AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE THEIR CELEBRITIES.

IF ONLY WE COULD GET E.T. ON TAPE WITH LINDSAY LOHAN,

THEN WE'D BE SET.

ALL RIGHT, GRAB ROLLER, LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

[FLASH]: SO, APPARENTLY, RV DUDE IS SOME SCIENTIST

THAT WORKED WITH MY DAD ON A SECRET PROJECT

CALLED "THE PORTAGE INITIATIVE."

[NICK]: AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME?

IT'S FRENCH.

IT MEANS TO CROSS OVER LAND IN BETWEEN TWO LAKES.

HEY, YOU GOT ENOUGH SLACK?

YEAH, I'M GOOD.

SO, ANYWAYS, APPARENTLY, IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH

SUBATOMIC DIMENSIONAL TRANSFERENCE.

WHATEVER THE HECK THAT MEANS, I HAVE NO IDEA,

BUT THAT'S WHAT THE INTERNET FRINGE SEEM TO THINK.

OKAY, AND THIS IS SUDDENLY IMPORTANT BECAUSE...

BECAUSE HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

IT'S LIKE HE HAD SOME SECRET LIFE GOING ON.

DUDE, HE WAS A PHYSICIST,

AND YOU WERE WHAT, 13?

AND YOU SUDDENLY THINK HE'S GONNA SIT YOU DOWN

AND DISCUSS THE FINER POINTS OF STRING THEORY?

YOU DON'T GET IT.

THIS GUY WAS TALKING ABOUT MY DAD

LIKE HE MAY SOMEHOW STILL BE ALIVE.

BECAUSE, IN HIS MIND, HE PROBABLY IS.

LOOK, THIS RV DUDE SOUNDS LIKE

HE'S A COUPLE SANDWICHES SHORT OF A PICNIC.

[DALE, ON TELEVISION]: WITNESSES REPORTED...

LOOK, YOUR OLD GIRL.

...A CREATURE, WHICH ACCORDING TO WITNESSES,

STOOD SEVEN FEET TALL AND SHOT LASERS FROM HIS HANDS,

WAS SEEN BY SEVERAL WITNESSES,

INCLUDING XCALIBUR MANAGER JACK B. KAHUNA.

MR. KAHUNA, WHAT CAN YOU TELL US

ABOUT THIS EXPERIENCE?

WELL, I'M JUST SO GRATEFUL I DIDN'T GET PROBED BY HIM,

BECAUSE, ONCE YOU'VE BEEN PROBED--

WAIT, THAT'S RV DUDE. WHAT'S HE DOING THERE?

ABSOLUTELY.

WHAT IF THIS IS ALL CONNECTED?

WHAT?

OKAY, YOU'RE SPENDING

WAY TOO MUCH TIME SURFING.

NO, THINK ABOUT IT.

ALIEN, RV DUDE, SECRET PROJECT.

WHAT IF THIS IS ALL RELATED?

OKAY, THAT'S A PRETTY BIG "WHAT IF."

LET ME THROW A SMALLER ONE AT YOU.

WHAT IF--

AND I'M JUST PUTTING THIS OUT THERE--

WHAT IF YOU JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE GIRL

THAT YOU'RE SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH IS ENGAGED,

AND YOU CAN'T DEAL, SO YOU'RE MANUFACTURING

A RIDICULOUS EXCUSE TO TALK TO HER

IN A MISGUIDED ATTEMPT TO WIN HER BACK.

WAIT, DALE'S ENGAGED?

PLEASE...

DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE IT.

AND, ON THAT NOTE--

HER RING.

THIS IS DALE ARDEN REPORTING.

IF I COULD REARRANGE THE ALPHABET,

I'D PUT "U" AND "I" TOGETHER RIGHT NOW,

BUT I'M WORKING TONIGHT, SHANNON.

LOOK, I'LL CALL YOU.

[SPEED-DIALING]

HEY, KIKI?

I'M ON MY WAY.

YEAH, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF HEIGHTS,

BECAUSE, TONIGHT, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO HEAVEN.

[CHUCKLING]

AH!

[THUD]

NOBODY BOOSTS MY COUGAR.

[SCREAMING]

OF COURSE IT WAS NOTHING.

IF THE INVASION HAD BEGUN,

DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU?

PSST! HEY.

THAT GUY, YOUR HOT EX. HE'S HERE!

FLASH? IS HERE?

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

WHAT DOES HE WANT?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I GOT A FEELING IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD.

I'M SENDING HIM DOWN.

I HOPE IT'S COOL THAT I STOPPED BY.

I TRIED TO CALLING YOU, BUT YOUR INBOX WAS FULL.

STOP.

BEFORE YOU SAY WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY,

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I'M ENGAGED.

I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING EARLIER,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT THINGS TO BE WEIRD FOR YOU, FOR US.

I MEAN, THERE IS A LOT OF POTENTIAL FOR WEIRDNESS,

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR BIG MOMENT,

SO I TWISTED MY RING, DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

ALL RIGHT.

AND CLEARLY, YOU DON'T FEEL WEIRD AT ALL,

AND NOW I JUST FEEL STUPID.

WHY WOULD YOU FEEL STUPID?

WELL, I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT EVEN THE SAME PERSON.

I MEAN, YOU'RE THE MARATHON MAN, AND I'M...

THE EXACT SAME PERSON?

NO.

I HAVE... MUCH NICER SHOES NOW.

[CHUCKLING]

IT'S GREAT SEEING YOU, DALE.

HEY, AND CONGRATULATIONS. WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY?

JOE WYLEE. DO YOU KNOW HIM?

WHAT, YOU MEAN AS IN ROGER WYLEE?

HIS SON. OOH, FANCY.

NOT REALLY.

HE'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY REGULAR GUY.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU...

UH, NO, NO,

UM...

THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY WHY I'M HERE.

I ACTUALLY CAME TO ASK YOU ABOUT THE BOWLING ALLEY.

WHAT HAPPENED THERE? THE FALIEN STORY?

"FALIEN"? FAKE ALIEN?

IT'S ACTUALLY MY SECOND ONE OF THE WEEK.

THEY TEND TO HAPPEN IN THREES, LIKE CELEBRITY DEATHS.

SO, THERE WAS NOTHING UNUSUAL THERE?

IF YOU'RE ASKING ME WHETHER I THINK

AN ALIEN CAME DOWN TO KNOCK A FEW PINS AROUND,

NO, I DON'T.

IT WAS PROBABLY JUST A COUPLE OF FRAT BOYS PULLING A PRANK.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT, WELL, NOW I'M THE ONE THAT FEELS STUPID.

WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON?

THERE'S JUST BEEN SOME ODD STUFF HAPPENING LATELY,

AND I WAS HOPING IT WAS ALL CONNECTED SOMEHOW.

LIKE WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET ABOUT IT.

OF COURSE, YOU'RE RIGHT, IT WAS A PRANK.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, THERE'S NO WAY

YOU'RE GOING TO COME ALL THE WAY FROM ANOTHER PLANET

AND GO TO XCALIBUR.

YOU'D HIT THE ROCK AND BOWL.

[LAUGHS]

SAME OLD FLASH.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

I GOTTA TAKE THIS.

HEY, YOU.

WHAT? I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

HEY, FLASH, THAT FALIEN?

IT APPARENTLY JUST LIQUEFIED SOMEBODY AT A MINI-MART.

SO THIS WEIRD RV GUY, WHERE DO WE FIND HIM?

NO IDEA. THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

DEAD PEOPLE VERY BAD FOR BUSINESS.

I WILL CLEAN HIM UP MYSELF.

WE'RE MOVING AS FAST AS WE CAN, SIR.

PLEASE, PUT AWAY THE MOP.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OH, THIS IS A CLOSED CRIME SCENE, NO PRESS.

I'LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO FOLLOW ME.

SO, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.

THE DEAD GUY...

WHAT?

IT'S LIKE HE WAS... I DON'T KNOW,

BOILED TO DEATH FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

LET ME SEE THE BODY.

NO, TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT TO.

SO, ANY THEORIES ABOUT THE CAUSE OF DEATH?

AS CRAZY AS IT SOUNDS, SOME KIND OF MICROWAVE.

AN OVEN?

A WEAPON.

THE MILITARY BASE. WE'RE THINKING

IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOME NEW TYPE OF GUN.

SINCE WHEN DOES THE MILITARY TEST WEAPONS AT MINI-MARTS?

HEY, DALE?

ISN'T THAT THAT GUY YOU DATED IN HIGH SCHOOL?

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?

COME ON, I'LL INTRODUCE YOU.

FLASH, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY FIANCE, JOE WYLEE.

HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.

PLEASURE.

I FOUND THESE FOOTPRINTS. OBVIOUSLY NOT A DETECTIVE,

BUT THEY JUST COME TO A STOP.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S KIND OF WEIRD?

AND THE TOES,

THEY'RE DUG IN PRETTY DEEP,

SO, OBVIOUSLY, HE WAS JUMPING FORWARD,

BUT WHERE DID HE LAND?

THE BODY?

HE WOULD HAVE HAD TO JUMP OVER 30 FEET.

IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

NOT WITHOUT WINNING A GOLD MEDAL.

I APPRECIATE THE INPUT,

BUT LET'S LET THE DETECTIVES HANDLE THE DETECTING.

RIGHT.

WE'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO IT.

WE HAVE TO FIND THIS SCIENTIST GUY.

SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD.

HE HAD TO GET A DEGREE FROM SOME UNIVERSITY.

I'M THINKING EARLY '90s, MAYBE LATE '80s.

WE'LL CHECK THE IVY LEAGUES FIRST.

YEAH, BUT WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A NAME.

WE'VE GOT NOTHING.

WE'VE GOT A FACE.

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S THE 1989 PARADE OF BAD HAIR.

[LAUGHING]

AW, DID WE EVER LOOK THAT BAD?

DO NOT GO THERE.

YEARBOOK PHOTOS ARE BAD ENOUGH,

BUT ONLINE YEARBOOK PHOTOS?

WORK OF THE DEVIL.

OH, MAN,

WE'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR THREE HOURS.

I'M STARTING TO SEE DOUBLE.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHANGE THE STRAP ON THAT THING.

IT'S LOOKING A LITTLE RAGGED.

THIS ACTUALLY USED TO BELONG TO MY FATHER.

HE WORE IT ALL THE TIME.

OH...

THAT'S NICE THAT YOU HAVE IT, THEN.

I THINK SOME STUDENTS GAVE IT TO HIM.

HE WAS GUEST-LECTURING

AT THIS LITTLE COLLEGE IN MAINE.

WE SPENT THE SUMMER THERE.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO REMEMBER THE NAME

OF THIS LITTLE COLLEGE, DO YOU?

SURE.

THIS IS THE ADDRESS FROM THE WEBSITE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEBODY LIVES HERE.

WELL, THIS IS HIS RV.

I TOLD YOU HE'S WEIRD.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

SO, JOE SEEMS LIKE A GOOD GUY.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN HOOKED UP?

SIX MONTHS,

AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, WE ARE NOT HOOKED UP.

[KNOCKS LOUDLY]

WHAT'S WRONG WITH "HOOKED UP?"

IT'S AN EXPRESSION.

WITH IMPLICATIONS.

I WASN'T IMPLYING ANYTHING.

[KNOCKS]

YES, YOU WERE. I HEARD IT.

[KNOCKS]

WELL, YOU CAN'T HEAR WHAT'S NOT THERE.

HE'S NOT HERE.

MAYBE HE'S IN THERE.

YOU WANT ME TO BE UPSET ABOUT YOU AND JOE, DON'T YOU?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

I'M NOT BEING RIDICULOUS. I KNOW YOU,

AND YOU WANT ME TO BE UPSET,

AND I'M NOT UPSET, SO IT'S UPSETTING YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT, SPARE ME THE NICKEL ANALYSIS...

BECAUSE I AM GOOD. REALLY GOOD.

GOOD. I'M GOOD, TOO.

GOOD. SO WE'RE BOTH GOOD?

YEAH. GOOD.

[EXPLOSION]

AFTER YOU.

[FLASH COUGHING]: HELLO?

[DALE]: IS ANYBODY HERE?

HELLO?

WEIRD.

WHOA...

HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

WE JUST WANT TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS.

NO, NO, NOT WITH HER.

SHE'S THAT REPORTER FROM THE BOWLING ALLEY.

I DON'T TRUST REPORTERS.

AND I DON'T TRUST GUYS WITH FREAKY GUNS POINTED AT ME.

I PROMISE, SHE'S NOT GOING TO REPORT ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY.

FINE.

NOTHING LEAVES THIS ROOM.

DIDN'T NEED THAT PULITZER ANYWAY.

PLEASE, THIS IS ABOUT MY FATHER. I NEED TO KNOW.

WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE PORTAGE INITIATIVE?

IT WAS A SECRET PROJECT, FUNDED BY NASA.

AT LEAST THEY SAID IT WAS NASA.

WE'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING FOR FUNDING.

MY GOD, IT'S WORKING.

WE WERE STUDYING GRAVITATIONS IN DARK MATTER

USING OLD SCHOOL CYCLOTRONS.

BASIC STUFF, BUT THE DATA WE WERE USING,

IT WAS LIKE NOTHING I'D EVER SEEN BEFORE,

BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG.

YES, THERE WAS A FIRE,

BUT YOUR FATHER,

HE DIDN'T DIE IN THAT FIRE.

LOOK.

CAREFUL, DR. GORDON.

NO!

BUT YOUR FATHER WAS LOST IN A DIMENSIONAL RIFT.

WE OPENED A DOOR

THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN OPENED.

ARE YOU SAYING HE COULD STILL BE ALIVE SOMEWHERE?

MM, AH... I DIDN'T THINK SO,

BUT THEN THREE WEEKS AGO,

RIFTS STARTED HAPPENING AGAIN.

AT FIRST, I THOUGHT...

WELL, I HOPED THAT MAYBE HE HAD BEEN ABLE

TO RE-CREATE THE EXPERIMENT SOMEWHERE TO TRY TO GET HOME,

BUT THEN...

THINGS STARTED TO COME THROUGH.

SO THAT GUY WHO TRIED TO SELL ME THE ALIEN PROBE, HE WAS FOR REAL?

YES.

AND THE ALIEN AT THE BOWLING ALLEY?

YES, AND THAT'S PROBABLY JUST THE BEGINNING,

SO, BASICALLY, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

HEY, HEY, CALM DOWN. OKAY, YOU NEED TO CALL JOE.

HE PROBABLY HAS A NUMBER WE CAN CALL.

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMEBODY IN CHARGE OF ALIEN INVASION.

NO, NO. NO ONE CAN KNOW ABOUT THIS.

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING,

AND SECOND, IF IT WAS HAPPENING,

IT'S NOT THE SORT OF THING

THAT YOU COULD HANDLE ON YOUR OWN.

WE HAVE TO. THE MORE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ABOUT THIS,

THE MORE DANGER WE'RE IN.

[TRILLING]

LOOK, UH...

THIS IS US, OKAY?

HAPPILY BLOWING BUBBLES

IN OUR COZY LITTLE DIMENSION,

AND SOMEONE OUT HERE

JUST STARTED SWINGING A HAMMER AT US.

ALL THE MORE REASON TO TELL SOMEBODY.

NO, NO! BECAUSE IF WE DO,

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE WE BUILD OUR OWN HAMMER.

TRUST ME, I KNOW. THEY'RE ALREADY TRYING.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A PHASE-CHANGE IS?

IT'S WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE BIG BANG.

PURE ENERGY CONVERTED TO MATTER, CREATED THE UNIVERSE.

IN 10/100ths OF A SECOND, EVERYTHING THAT WAS...

WHOOSH! ...WASN'T,

AND THAT'S WHAT'LL HAPPEN AGAIN

IF WE START POKING HOLES BETWEEN DIMENSIONS.

OH!

[DISTANT THUD]

AH...

SO, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

WE'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL

WITH WHATEVER COMES THROUGH ON OUR OWN.

AND HOW DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO THAT?

WELL, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A FEW THINGS, OKAY?

LIKE THIS PROTON GUN.

EVERY DIMENSION

HAS A SPECIFIC PHASE RATE, SO, UM...

[PAPERS SHUFFLING]

EVERYTHING IN DIMENSION "TOM" VIBRATES AT ONE RATE...

EVERYTHING IN DIMENSION "KATIE"

VIBRATES AT ANOTHER.

SO, IF KATIE WANTS TO VISIT TOM,

HER PHASE RATE HAS TO ADJUST TO MATCH HIS,

BUT HIT KATIE WITH AN ELECTRON CHARGE

AT JUST THE RIGHT FREQUENCY...

IT SHOULD SHIFT HER BACK TO HER OWN DIMENSION.

LIKE A DIMENSIONAL TUNING FORK?

DING-DING-DING! EXACTLY.

BUT IT'S ONLY GOT ENOUGH CHARGE FOR ONE SHOT,

AND IT MIGHT NOT WORK.

I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.

STEVEN, IS THAT YOU?

[GASPS]

SO, BASICALLY, YOU'RE SAYING

THAT THERE'S AN ALIEN RUNNING AROUND

TERRORIZING BOWLERS, AND WE HAVE TO FIND IT

AND SHOOT IT WITH THAT THING?

YES, AND MAKE SURE THAT NO ONE ELSE FINDS OUT ABOUT IT.

SO WHAT DOES THIS ALIEN WANT?

AND WHY WOULD IT COME TO KENDAL?

I MEAN, WHY NOT NEW YORK OR D.C.?

THE ONLY CONNECTION IT WOULD HAVE TO KENDAL WOULD BE...

MY FATHER.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO, FLASH.

I NEED TO FIND THE IMEX.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?

IMEX? MOM, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOUR FATHER, HE USED TO HAVE AN IMEX.

I NEED IT.

MOM, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU SOUND A LITTLE WEIRD.

IS THERE SOMEBODY THERE WITH YOU?

I'M FINE, FLASH.

JUST TELL ME WHERE THE IMEX IS.

I DON'T KNOW, MOM.

SOMETHING'S WRONG. SHE JUST CALLED ME "FLASH."

BUT SHE ONLY CALLS YOU STEVEN.

WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

GOODBYE.

MOM? YOU HERE?

HELLO, FLASH.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PIE?

MOM, YOU'RE ACTING WEIRD.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M FINE.

WHAT KIND OF PIE DID YOU BAKE ME, MOM?

JUST ONE PIE, FOR MY SWEETIE-PIE.

AND HOW BIG'S THIS PIE?

A NINE-INCH PIE.

I THINK I SHOULD EAT THIS PIE BY MYSELF.

[SIGHS] MOM!

[DALE]: LOOK OUT!

QUICK, SHOOT HIM!

I'M TRYING! IT'S STUCK!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? SHOOT HIM!

I'M HAVING ISSUES. ISSUES?

TAKE THAT!

OKAY, IT'S WORKING.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

NO, NO, NO, NOT THE BLENDER! MY MOM WILL KILL ME!

WATCH OUT, FLASH!

ROLLING PIN, THAT'S GOOD!

[BUBBLING]

HEY...

HEY, YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE.

THE LAST THING I REMEMBER,

I WAS PUTTING AWAY THE GROCERIES.

[GASPS] THE ICE CREAM.

NO, I GOT IT. OH.

YOU OKAY?

[GRUNTS]

OOH...

NECK'S A BIT STIFF.

[SIGHS]

OOH...

WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO MAKE MYSELF A CUP OF TEA.

I'VE GOT A 10:00 A.M. TO ATLANTA,

I STILL HAVE TO PACK, AND I...

HEY, I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

WHY DON'T I GET YOU THE TEA,

AND YOU HEAD UPSTAIRS AND LAY DOWN FOR A WHILE?

OKAY, THANK YOU.

SO SHE FEELS FINE,

AND SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER A THING.

SORRY ABOUT THE BLENDER.

SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

LOOKS LIKE HE LEFT SOMETHING BEHIND.

I THINK IT'S SOME KIND OF TRACKING DEVICE.

WHAT IS IT?

MY FATHER'S DRIVER'S LICENSE.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S DEFINITELY TRACKING SOMETHING.

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS IT.

[DALE]: I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD ABOUT THIS.

LOOK, IT'S STARTING TO BLINK FASTER.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS WE'RE GETTING CLOSER.

[DALE]: CLOSER TO WHAT?

I THINK WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

WHAT IS THAT?

THAT WOULD BE A RIFT.

IT'S EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE YOUR FATHER WAS LOST IN.

YOU MEAN HE MIGHT BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT THING?

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

THAT THING, WHATEVER THE HELL IT WAS,

HAD MY FATHER'S DRIVER'S LICENSE.

IF HE'S OVER THERE, I HAVE TO FIND HIM.

THAT WOULD BE SUICIDE.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

BUT IT'S A REASONABLE ASSUMPTION.

LOOK, IT'S FADING.

THIS MIGHT BE MY ONLY CHANCE.

NO! THIS IS INSANITY.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S OVER THERE,

IF YOU CAN COME BACK.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO YOUR MOTHER.

AND WHAT ABOUT NICK?

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT...

WHAT?

FORGET IT.

DALE, I HAVE TO DO THIS.

I DON'T CARE.

HEY...

OOPS.

WHERE ARE WE?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

[***]