Original subtitles

Who is it? Who is it?

It's the clock.

It's ringing again.

Hello? I am awake!

How marvelous!

Hot coffee...

One, two...

Three. Who gives a darn!

The coffee is on the burner. The sandwich is made...

The shower!

Where can my glasses be?

Finally! Here they are.

It's coming!

Just a moment. Don't push!

Don't push. Easy!

You're in a hurry! The airport? We'll be there in five minutes.

Hi.

Train delay.

The 9 a.m. direct train 715 coming from Milan

is travelling with a 20 minute delay.

Service announcement.

A brakeman on platform 6, please.

Train 87 coming from Frosinone

is arriving on platform 8 instead of 12.

Personal announcement. Vice manager Mr. Dominici

is trying to touch my ass. - Are you crazy?

- I told you I would do it. - I'll have you fired!

- And I'll announce it to everyone. - Idiot!

Accumulator change, train 121, track 16.

- How much is it? - 87,325 liras.

- What? - 87,325 liras.

Sir, we aren't playing here. These are the updated fees.

There's a round trip to the airport, the suitcase...

We don't work for glory.

No, because... Alright.

87,325. But honestly...

You wanted to go to the airport. Here.

Excuse me, but the tip isn't included in the price.

- Here. - Thank you!

- No... - You are very kind.

No. It's 50,000 liras.

Mr. Bonetti, look at this.

No, I'm not interested.

Wait a minute. This one.

This is a typical cognac glass...

It's an old trick.

You already know it. Alright.

I'll bet you never saw these.

What are these?

- These are... - Turds!

You know them. I represent certain types of...

- Turds. - Of turds.

Mine are the...

Pagoda shaped ones.

- Then the so-called... - Braided ones.

- And then the classic... - Turd.

Turd. So...

Turds don't make anyone laugh anymore.

No. Actually my neighbor is hilarious!

Mr. Bonetti!

- What is this? - The fart pillow.

This is the traditional one.

But I have a new type.

Look. It seems real.

It shouldn't be hidden. I'll put it on this chair.

Excuse me. Watch this.

Forgive me. It's fantastic. Watch this!

One, two...

Excuse me. Three!

Three.

One, two... Wait a minute.

One, two and three!

There. Nothing.

- I don't know why... - Look, I don't have time to waste.

- Close the order. - Close it. It always worked!

So, let's close the order.

So... so...

We have 26 disgusting mice.

Countess, it's a pleasure to have you in our store.

Gianluca, choose the best gifts.

Gianluca is tired of his last videogame. You've something new?

All the latest Japanese electronic novelties. From 1 to a 20 million.

- Let me see, please. - Of course.

So...

Excuse me. Did you hear that? It's a fart.

My compliments, madam.

It was very human of you.

How dare you!

Bonetti, I am surprised at you.

The effect of this pillow is awesome.

- Stop it! - It's awesome.

Go away! Get lost!

- Go away with all your... - Turds!

Go! Take all this stuff away!

- Out! - I'll pick up the objects...

- Countess! - Bonetti! Do you realize it?

- Gianluca, let's go. - Four, five, six...

Six?

They were five.

- Chopped meat. - Zucchini.

- I'd like some French fries. - Right away, madam.

8,500 plus 11,500 for damages.

20,000. Come on!

- But... - What will you have?

- Chopped meat... - You are so human!

Little Venturi Augusto is wanted in the waiting room

where his aunt is waiting for him.

Hello? Announcement Room.

Hi, Sandro. What do you want?

Hadn't we agreed that you wouldn't call me anymore?

That you wouldn't ask to see me again?

Alright. Since we didn't agree on anything,

we'll meet this evening to reach an agreement.

Well? What's wrong tonight?

I was thinking...

that when I met you, you seemed like the right man for me.

Nice, respectful, honest.

You were like Rock Hudson in "Paradise for Three"

but you didn't leave your wife as he did.

It's not that bad. You can't have everything from life.

You never took me on a trip or a vacation.

Never a concert, a theater, a movie.

You only thought about making love.

If you had 5 minutes free time, you called to make love in the car.

Once even for Christmas under the tree!

5,000. You asked for a small one.

It seems a bit skimpy... alright.

You always considered me a slut.

And now you want to come to my home.

No. I'm going home alone to see a movie with Gary Cooper.

- Men like you are disgusting! - Disgusting?

A falling star!

I can make a wish. So, let's see...

I shouldn't fly with my imagination too much.

So... I carry the amount over...

Then the mice...

Seven mice. That makes 4,000.

It makes a total of...

There. 26,500.

I'll start over.

7 turds...

26,500...

Then the mice which makes...

There. Plus...

Mice, 800,000? Darn it!

Hands up! This is a holdup!

Employees on the floor with hands on your heads!

All clients to the floor!

Don't move or I'll shoot you! You get the money. Go on!

Stop, or I'll shoot you!

Don't move!

Hurry with that money!

If you move, I'll kill you.

- Nobody better dare! - Hurry with that money!

You! Don't move!

The drawers too!

Come on! What are you waiting for?

My salary...

- Come on! - Come on!

Let's take out a hostage. Grab one! Go on!

Stop or I'll shoot!

Excuse me...

- Hold still. We are leaving. - Go!

- You want to be a hero? - Go! Go!

- Go! - Hurry!

They're already finished?

- This is the last one. - Wow! So many.

Shut up, shit face! You shouldn't have interfered.

Excuse me. It's a long story.

I can't tell you all of it now.

You are that brave man who tried to defend me. Am I hurting you?

No, miss. You are just slightly strangling me.

But being strangled by you is almost a privilege.

- Shut up! - Stop it.

Let him go. you scoundrels!

Miss, may a make a request?

Can you avoid defending me? I'd feel more comfortable.

In fact, if you could remove the tie...

- The tie? - Yes, from your purse. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me, mister bandit, could you drive more slowly?

In 20 years of holdups, nothing has ever happened to me.

Watch out!

What happened?

Miss!

Miss hostage, you're all swollen.

Excuse me. Wait.

Where did they go?

- Let's go see what happened. - They had an accident. Come on!

Let's run. They're coming down. Come away with me.

Oh, right! My suitcase?

Hurry!

Just a moment.

- Come on, hurry! - Who was driving?

- Vanuzzo. - I hope they didn't die.

I do. There'll be more to divide. We'll get more money.

- They just fainted. - But the hostages got away.

What do you care about them? As long as this is here.

- With the money. - Come on!

Hurry!

Come on!

Who is it?

I give up!

Nobody is here.

Miss!

It's the dog, and I don't have an umbrella.

It's 7 and the coffee...

Where am I?

Who are you? Where am I?

Excuse me. We are...

- Who are you? A bandit? - No!

Don't be afraid.

I am the other hostage.

Oh! Now I recognize you.

- I haven't introduced myself yet. - My pleasure.

I'm... here.

I'll introduce myself too. Leo Gavazzi, sales representative...

Leo Gavazzi, sales representative.

- Giada Foschini. - Giada is a beautiful name.

- Yes. Giada is the name I chose. - Really?

- My real name is Rosetta. - Rosetta is less...

- Where have they locked us up? - We are...

- It seems like a castle on the sea. - A castle on the sea?

- Yes. I hear the sound of the waves. - Waves?

- Well, with a little... - They didn't even tie us up.

No. Luckily we're free. Free!

The bandits?

I think they are dead.

I mean injured. They surrendered.

I brought you here on my shoulders.

- Then you got rid of them? - I think so.

- You saved me! - Well...

Thank you.

- You're so cold! - No. Excuse me, Miss Giada.

I am here.

Excuse me, but one of them broke my glasses.

But... That is why! I noticed that...

I'll take care of it. I have... Look.

In the sample suitcase I have...

I am a sales representative.

I represent... Tur... No! Toys.

I have mother-in-law glasses.

- Are you married? - No. You didn't understand.

Mother-in-law glasses are the kind that enlarge,

to play a joke. Since I sell them...

What is going on?

- Are the bandits back? - They stole my sample suitcase.

Come. Come see.

Where are you?

My gosh!

What's inside?

See how they swindled me?

What?

The friends from Palermo must respect the pacts.

The Marseillais doesn't admit delays in delivery.

Over and out.

Good work, guys.

You did a good job.

- This is shit! - Shit? It's money, billions.

Billions?

Then take it!

Damn...

- It must be the hostages' suitcase. - He took it!

Idiots!

I was wrong in trusting you, and I won't be wrong again.

If you don't find the money, the right suitcase,

your lives will be worth less than all this!

- It is really two and a half billion? - Yes, but

we'll deliver it right away and avoid temptation.

- Maybe they'll give us a reward. - Of course.

- I am an expert. They give 10%. - Then we are rich.

Let's say "well off".

Come. I got rid of them.

The pictures were taken by the bank's automatic device.

Have them be distributed through the press as much as possible.

Please.

This is the group of robbers.

The man with the machine gun, who is being identified,

is the boss of the gang. That is obvious.

Notice his brutal, savage expression,

the authority of his gestures,

and the fact that he is carrying the suitcase with the loot.

We assigned the case to our best special department,

commanded by our most brilliant officer.

The criminal will soon be handed over to justice.

I don't know if you realize it, but it's one hundred...

million Italian liras a head. And put in the bank...

It's useless that you do count it. I'll spend it all in a year.

All of it? Right away?

What will you do with it?

All that I've always dreamed of and was never able to do.

Yesterday, with those bandits, it was the most exciting day of my life.

I felt like I was in a movie. "Dog Day Afternoon".

- Wasn't it the same for you? - Not really, inside the bank.

I am a film buff, and, well, I risked my...

Miss, excuse me. I have the feeling that you...

Don't see very well.

I'm saying it for you. I don't want you to run into a tree.

May I go first?

- Give me your hand. Come. - Thank you.

I'll lead the way because I was told it's full of holes here.

I wouldn't want you to fall in a hole.

There are holes here.

Miss, don't you feel it's a bit cold?

No. I find that it's pleasant.

Besides, I had the good fortune of meeting a man like you.

You are determined, strong, courageous.

- Next to you, I feel safe. - Yes, it's true.

- It's lovely strolling in the woods. - It's true.

- Breathing fresh air... - I like it very much too.

- You like it too? - I love walking in the woods

in the morning with all this cool air.

We should reach a road with cars now

and ask for a ride. - Do you prefer that?

- Of course. - I have a good sense of orientation.

In a half hour, I'll take you on the Sole Highway.

- Are we on the highway? - Yes, in a certain sense.

What is coming our way?

- A bus! - It's a sort of bus...

It's a bus.

Miss, can't we wait for another one?

Wait. I'll go ahead.

It's a new bus model.

- Give me a hand! - Here.

The other one too. I can't make it.

Two and a half billion!

What did you do? What happened?

The bus took our savings.

- I've arrived. - Where are we?

- In Tarquinia. - Thank you. Come, Miss.

Be careful.

There. You are very light.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

Let's go to the police right away. It's the logical thing to do.

We must tell the whole truth.

We'll say we never met each other before yesterday morning,

and that by chance we met for the first time in the bank

during the holdup. We never saw each other!

By chance, my tie got caught on your purse

and when you closed it, you took me as a hostage too.

Then we had an accident with the bandit's car.

Nothing happened to us, but the bandits disappeared.

By chance, my sample suitcase was identical

to the one where the bandits kept the loot.

By chance, the suitcase with inside two billion and a half

happened to end up in a cement mixer truck and was totally ground?

A cement mixer truck that, by chance, was passing by...

You don't think they'll believe it?

So what can we do now?

Meanwhile, I'll buy glasses. I don't see much like this.

Newspapers!

I'd like a newspaper, actually, all of them.

What will you do with 80 newspaper copies?

I have to wrap a lot of eggs.

I also must make balls to put inside shoes,

and little airplanes.

If you take them all, what will I give the town?

- Did the newspaper arrive? - Yes. They did another holdup.

- Give me a copy. - It's over there.

I'd like to catch them. They should be sentenced to death.

The fact is, we don't know how to vote.

- I don't see any copy. - What?

- Where is it? I don't see it. - I put the package here.

- It's gone. - But the package was here.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

7 diopter in the right eye and 8.15 in the left one.

- You want black eyed peas? - No. It's the lens measurement.

No. We sell lentils wholesale. At least a half ton.

Are you making fun of me because I am near-sighted?

I don't care if you're near-sighted. You want Castelluccio lentils?

I'll throw something at you!

- Miss, come away! - Look at what you did!

- I want glasses! - Forget about glasses.

Miss, we are in danger. Hurry!

- Who will pay me back? - I will pay for everything.

- I'll do a transfer... - Don't run away!

Look at what he did to me!

Here he is. Let's get that scoundrel!

- Are you sure they are here? - Yes.

They saw them get off the milk van.

There they are!

- Why are we running away? - My photo is in the paper.

They think I'm the gang's boss.

Really?

- Excuse me. Is this a car to rent? - Welcome.

Will you give me a ride? Thank you.

We'll reach an agreement on the price.

Stop, scoundrel!

Oh, God!

Gentlemen, you have been wonderful.

Without you, we were in an embarrassing situation.

Thanks. Without you, who knows what those hoodlums would've done.

They were ugly people. That is for sure.

I think I know you.

You work in the bank.

I saw you in the bank yesterday morning too.

You're either an employee or...

- Miss. - Yes.

- The bandits! - No, they're not bandits.

They are.... They are friends.

You're wasting your time. He's tough. It takes much more to scare him.

Don't keep on inciting them. They seem very determined.

For the last time. Where did you put the dough?

I told you, it's in a cement pilaster.

You keep on bullshitting us, even with all the beatings.

I got lots of beatings. A total of 21 chain whips on my ass,

18 nose pinches, 15 ear yanks, a finger in my eye

given by this gentleman, but he didn't mean any harm.

Listen to this. The boss docked his ship here.

He is a very nervous type.

If you don't talk, he will take care of you.

- Is that clear? - Enough!

We don't have the money. I threw the suitcase in the cement mixer truck.

You bitch!

You thought you'd get me? I saw "Rocky I, II and III" five times.

We are just wasting time. He is tough. He won't speak.

Before killing him, we'll ask the boss.

Tie them up.

Don't get your hopes up. We'll soon be back.

Remember, when they gag you, you must do this.

I saw it in a John Wayne movie.

I'll untie you with my mouth.

Bring your face closer.

I must go see that John Wayne movie.

- What is this noise? - A slight arrhythmia.

Do you think they are still showing it at some theaters?

What are you doing? No.

Don't do it.

- Do you feel ill? - No. It's that...

I don't know exactly what's wrong.

My sick heart. I see mirages.

It's like seeing the Virgin of Fatima.

Excuse me. I have to untie you now.

- Your hands are freezing. - As if I'd gone under a streetcar.

- Let's go. What is it? - Three are on watch.

- Where? - There.

- They are three. See? - Unfortunately. Don't worry.

- I'll take care of them. - No. It's three against one.

I have no other choice. Stay here.

Wait.

Darn you! I'll show you.

I took care of them. Let's go.

- Did you get hurt? - A simple fracture.

Fantastic. Like Bruce Lee in "The Return of Bruce Lee".

I have a steel hand.

- Will you give me a ride? - Of course. Get in.

My friend too?

Help! Please, let me go.

Get the car, but let me go.

Don't shoot. I didn't see you.

The situation has gotten a bit worse.

The dangerous delinquent doesn't have a record or a name,

but it's a matter of hours.

It is certain that the girl hostage is an accomplice of the bandit.

She devastated a big storage room of grain,

while he set fire to a publishing company.

These idiots don't know what press silence means.

They stole a red car and are travelling in it.

The Bonnie and Clyde of the Eighties hunt continues.

We repeat the features of these delinquents.

The woman has curly brown hair, and is wearing a white and red dress.

She is very attractive and curvy.

- He is short... - No. What are you doing?

I turned it off because it distracts me.

They talked about a crime boss, which means me.

Did you hear what they called us?

Bonnie and Clyde of the Eighties. I sort of like that. What about you?

Miss, I don't know if you see that road block.

What'll we do?

- What would Bonnie and Clyde do? - We're not Bonnie and Clyde.

We are two honest citizens. And the truth always triumphs.

Get the IDs. We're turning ourselves in.

Yes. I'll get them in my purse.

I'm sort of sorry that it's over.

What did you do? Bravo! Did you have second thoughts?

Yes, actually. If I stop, they'll shoot us.

You were fantastic, Mr. Leo!

Yes. Let's say I got rid of them.

What is this heat? Did you turn the heating on?

No, I didn't touch anything. Are you hot?

We're on fire!

Call someone. No. Let's go in a car wash station.

Fantastic!

- You drive like Steve McQueen. - Almost.

See? So much for them, poor things.

- What is going on? - I'm doing a particular maneuver.

Amazing! You got rid of them.

Yes. It was a child's game.

I do it often.

Miss, I don't want to scare you.

The bandits are following us to torture us,

and the police will shoot us. What can we do?

We must find refuge abroad.

Mr. Leo, I don't really know what you look like.

How are you, physically?

It's hard to say.

I am a special type of person.

Without glasses, I can't see well.

Let's see. Who do you look like?

- Alain Delon? - Yes. I mean, no. I am...

I see. You're different. You're blond

like Robert Redford. - No. I am much more...

You're taller. Gary Cooper?

See? I brought you all the way to Florence. Come.

Put a foot here, another one here. A foot here.

Come. Here we are.

Come... Let's go.

- We have to disguise ourselves. - Yes. There are famous stores here.

- Let's go. - Where are you going?

Have you gone mad? We can't go inside stores.

We can't go and buy. We'll have to make do.

- How? - Snitching stuff here and there.

- A dress in some suitcase. - Stealing? I'm not very experienced.

I once stole some jam, but it was many years ago.

They accused us of everything. One offense more, one less...

The problem is, we can't be seen together.

- True. - We are like Bonnie and Clyde.

We must remain separated until we're disguised.

- Will we meet up after that? - Sure.

Alright. We will meet in the ticket atrium.

There's a big writing "Departures".

You'll see it even if you're... I mean, you don't see very well.

- Me there, and you, there. - Me, there.

What will you do without glasses?

- I'll make it. - Ok, alright.

Remember to look very dreary,

insignificant, ugly. - You too.

It won't be easy for me.

Hello, Roberto. It's me.

I just arrived. That deal is tough to close.

Just a moment.

Nothing. A thief tried to steal my suitcase.

- No, look... - Those delinquents who steal

suitcases in train stations. - Guys, today's cleaning day.

Before visiting the city, a shower at the station's public restroom.

Everyone follow me. Let's go.

We scouts are understanding with homosexuals, those who are different.

But if you don't leave, I'll have my boss kick you in the balls.

Take pictures. A little closer. Perfect.

Let me see you back there. Wonderful!

Remember to smile.

Fabulous! Wiggle.

A total. Now the close-ups here.

Take pictures.

You two get close, in profile.

Yvonne, go change. Marcella, take a few pictures for me.

You're still there? Come and get dressed and fix your hair.

Come on, get going. Hurry!

Scout leader!

- You're still like this? - They stole everything.

- What? - Everything.

Miss.

Are you really...

Now I recognize you. Yes, it is us.

- Don't you feel well? - No.

Let me sit down.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I have a slight dizzy sensation again.

I feel my heart in my throat.

Maybe it's allergy or a guilt complex

because I stole this outfit.

By the way, look at mine. How do I look?

It is a perfect choice.

It's absolutely anonymous.

I would say very dreary looking.

The typical Italian housewife.

I'd like to see myself. I can't stand it anymore.

And I'd like to know what you look like.

- It's premature. - I'll buy some glasses.

Now? Wait a minute.

- There must an optical shop here. - No, there isn't.

- There is one in every station. - Not in this one.

It's Sunday. The city is deserted, stores closed. What can we do?

- Why don't you walk over here? - Close to each other?

I'm dressed as a boy scout, you're like that. We won't be conspicuous.

- We have to steal a car. - Be quiet.

- You want everyone to hear? - We have to steal one.

- Another one? - How will we get to the border?

- Another theft. - At this point...

The border, my foot! We'll go straight to prison!

Wasn't our life until now a prison?

- Distract them and send them off. - Alright.

- I'll enter inside the camper. - Alright. In the camper?

- I'll get behind the wheel. - Very well.

When you're ready to jump inside...

- Blow a short whistle. - Yes.

- I'll start the engine and we'll go. - Go.

What are you doing here, German tourists?

We're eating.

Eating? No, you're not eating.

You're snacking and doing disgusting things.

You're throwing apple, pear, orange

a banana peels in the park.

Who are you?

I am the park's superintendent.

Superintendent? I'm a lieutenant.

- I'm a commander, park's captain. - Captain?

Mr. Filth, get your family and clean up this mess.

Clean it all up.

Clean it up.

Look. It's all dirty. Call the old lady, please.

We made it!

Fantastic! I've never driven such a big car!

If you are hot, I'll turn on the air-conditioning.

Right now...

- Are you cold? I'll turn it off. - No!

Miss...

Maybe we should keep it at room temperature.

I'll turn right. I think I see a gas station.

We'll fill the tank and then you drive. Everything alright?

Fairly well.

Now that we've stopped I'll sit down and relax a moment.

I'll switch off the air-conditioning.

I've the impression we're not on the Brenner highway.

I think we're still on the highway. I see trucks.

Trucks? They are elephants. You fell... No.

You purposely brought me

to a zoo safari. - Great!

- I love it. - You love it,

but at this point we'd better close the doors and windows

and be very careful.

- This camper is beautiful. - Yes.

- We can spend the night here. - You think?

- No, excuse me. - Certainly.

- Couldn't we... - Who would look for us in a zoo?

Maybe some lion.

It's wonderful to be in the middle of nature,

like in the jungle. I'd never cooked for a man.

- Jane made food and Tarzan ate. - Yes, Jane.

- I'm sleepy and want to sleep now. - Right.

There is only one bed here. Do you want to sleep in it?

Oh, no! The bed is all yours.

I will sleep in the driver's seat.

I am used to sleeping when I drive.

Thanks, but Tarzan leaves now because Jane gets undressed.

What? Yes. Now Tarzan gets undressed... No.

Jane gets undressed and Tarzan goes out.

You're very nice, you know?

A lot better than the other men I met.

They would have taken advantage of the situation.

You are a gentleman. Correct and respectful.

Not everyone would have left as you did.

I know what I'm saying. You are very nice.

And also brave. You're not afraid of staying outside with the animals.

You can come in now.

Excu...

Excuse me.

Do you feel ill?

We need a doctor.

It's very strange. The oscilloscope has gone crazy

as if there were symptoms of poisoning.

Could you step out a minute? I want to examine him more carefully.

Please, miss. You continue like this.

My hands are perspiring, freezing.

I have a thick tongue and am strangely excited.

I feel a bit better now.

- In fact. - Yes.

- It's all over now. - You are cool.

It seems impossible, and yet a moment ago...

I am fine now. I want to measure your pressure.

That is my camper.

Relax.

- Are you sure? - Just as you are a marshal.

Get ready for the report.

Look in here. The bandits broke everything. Where are they?

- You must arrest them. - Get ready to make out the report.

The blood pressure is normal, 120-80.

It's not my fault. You look at me as if it were.

What happened?

- Explosive blood pressure. - We must leave right away.

- Where? - Our friends from Germany are here.

Where are you taking him? Can't you see he's ill again?

He had everything explode, my God!

Meanwhile, take these pills.

Be careful because they can cause strange hallucinations.

- How many? - Two, three times a day.

- I'll wait for you outside. - Yes, wait for him.

- I'll go too. - Where?

- I feel fine. - Who said that? I must say it.

I'll have you hospitalized now.

Hello, hospital?

Sister, let me talk to Professor Mazzacurati.

Mazzacurati, listen to me.

I have a patient with a heart piston. It's never happened to me.

We'll study and record him. We may receive a Nobel Award.

Hurry, come.

Listen to me.

- Who does this car belong to? - It must be the doctor's.

- It was in front of the main door. - Miss.

I would rather drive myself. It's not that I don't trust you.

- Can you get by? - Don't be offended.

The doors were open and the engine was on. How fortunate!

- Excuse me? - I didn't say anything.

I thought...

It must be the radio.

- Melluso, my cruiser disappeared. - Cruiser?

It's a fairy tale for children.

Do you have my cruiser?

What the shit! Someone stole the cruiser!

I feel bad for you.

Such bad language is strange in fairy tales.

Change the station. Turn off the radio.

Turn it off. Can you see?

There we go.

What is it?

Oh, God! They're following us. We're surrounded.

What? The writing...

Wait. What can I say?

- Miss Giada. - Yes.

We were chasing ourselves.

Perhaps you didn't see very well,

but you didn't steal a human being's car,

but a police car.

If they catch us with it, we'll get life in prison.

- Please. - What?

Typical police car.

Mr. Leo, I think I really need glasses.

I'm afraid so.

I'll take you.

We just came from there.

We are two disguised Carabinieri.

She is a sergeant major, disguised for a mission.

Goodbye.

In closing the tv news, we remind you of the day's most important facts.

Incredible turn of events in the crime episode that today...

We would like some glasses for the lady.

The pictures taken will lead to the capture...

Take all that you want.

Don't worry. Take it.

Cameras, anything you want.

- I... - Don't shoot. I have a family.

- The couple is covering the area. - I was looking for my money.

He is disguised as a boy scout. She is wearing a checkered dress.

After raids at the Florence station

with a robbery and the assault of a young explorer,

who seems to have signs of rape,

the couple tortured a family of Berlin tourists

and finally took a police car.

Calm down.

What'll we do?

We'll secretly follow them. They'll lead us to the dough.

Go see what they're doing. I don't trust them. They're shrewd.

Especially her. See how she stole the clothes on the cart?

- You want to try them? Give me. - Let me try them on.

I think I see well with these.

You seem chubby with puffy cheeks.

Puffy cheeks?

Give them to me. They're not right for you.

No, leave them. Better than nothing.

I'm sorry, miss, that you can't see exactly

what I look like.

- I know what you are really like. - What do you mean?

It's not a matter of glasses.

You are sweet, kind and shy.

Kind...

- Is there room? - No.

- It's all... - All taken.

All taken.

It doesn't matter. We can squeeze a bit.

Yes, it's me.

You are the famous Bonnie and Clyde.

No, Sir. We are two punks.

Those people are dressed completely different.

You can fool the police, but not me.

Anyway, it was a fortunate encounter.

Are you interested in 5 billion?

This is my proposal.

In prison I had a tip for a fantastic hit.

Five billion.

Two of us ran away, assisted by two men who organized from outside.

Unfortunately, three died.

- And I.. - Injured?

- They blew my spleen. - Alright... I mean, too bad.

You do the hit, I give the plan, and we'll split.

Can we talk to each other?

I'll wait outside.

We have to get off soon, anyway.

Hurry, doll.

Giada, tell me the truth. What do you want to do?

They're hunting us from all sides and will shoot at us on sight.

They accused us of offences we didn't commit.

If we commit a real one worth 5 billion, the world won't end.

Do we trust him? He has the typical sleazy guy's face.

I trust him. He looks like Sterling Hayden in "The Asphalt Jungle".

- Well? - Okay!

- Okay, guy. - Alright. We're getting off.

- They're running away. - It's all organized.

We'll get to my shelter with this. You'll change there.

They'll identify you immediately like that. Doll, you get in the front.

- I'm going in the front too. - No, in the back.

Come on, let's run!

Be careful. In a van like this,

that leaves every 6 months from the downtown treasury,

there are bags with bills that are worn,

collected by all the banks and destined to be destroyed.

- They destroy them? - Yes. Five billion to be burned.

- A truckload of money. - A whole truckload.

They are naturally substituted with brand new bills.

We are interested in the old ones.

- Anonymous and can't be traced. - Yes.

The next shipment is tomorrow.

You are a bomb dressed like this.

I found it in the attic.

- You'll tell me the police is there. - The police!

I was talking about police escorting the truck.

I know it won't be guarded.

Right. The police won't be there.

As of tomorrow it will be eliminated. It was too conspicuous.

- You'll deal with two men. - Two.

- The driver and the armed watchman. - Watcheman.

Excuse me. You stopped abruptly.

I studied the plan for six months in prison, in every detail.

What is the plan?

Tomorrow at dawn I'll tell you. Enough. Let's drink to that.

Excuse me, miss.

He said that thing about the dress.

I think this neckline is too...

Maybe a nice tie could...

- What is it? - Wolves.

- Typical wolves. - No, pigs.

There is a farm in the area.

- Let's drink. - You didn't bring my glass.

I practically don't drink anymore. I stopped because...

- It's bad for me. - You feel like it?

What? What are you doing?

You are injured. You can't dance.

- I can dance a slow dance. - A slow dance...

I'll put these here.

It's late. I am going.

See you tomorrow.

I have to get up early tomorrow morning.

It is a very difficult moment.

I'm going.

- You care a lot about him? - Why?

Because the two of us could share 50/50.

Tomorrow when you return with the loot,

I could have a bullet and a grave ready for him.

I was sure you'd already decided that.

You are really the woman for me.

Later, dear. After having shared.

Right. Business first.

Highly respected and very kind Miss Giada,

I spent a very agitated night

with another one of my mysterious allergy attacks

with even more strange symptoms.

So I fear I won't be able to face the delicate assignment

that has been given to me.

Since I realize you've found the right man for yourself...

strong, brave and better suited for an adventurous life,

that'll make you rich and famous,

I pay you my best and most humble wishes.

I will go back to my past life

with the highest devotion and friendship. Yours, Leo Gavazzi.

- What did you understand? - Everything.

Do you think I like that mad delinquent?

Please, can you repeat that?

- Mad delinquent, and pig. - Pig?

If I am dreaming, will you wake me up?

Leo!

- What is it? - I did it to avoid trouble.

If he finds out who we are, he'll become ferocious.

He's already decided to get rid of you, and share with me.

What? To do what?

Excuse me. I prefer going.

If I really must do this hit,

if I have to share the loot with someone,

I want to do it with you.

You mean me?

Well, that scoundrel doesn't know what he's up against.

I will become ferocious, and nothing will stop me.

This is the area.

This is the itinerary that the van will take after the last withdrawal.

It'll leave the city from here and take this road.

You will be hiding...

We'll be hiding wherever the hell we please. Is that clear?

This plan is bullshit.

- I haven't explained it yet. - Same thing.

We'll be hiding...

Wait.

We'll be hiding exactly... here.

Did you understand how it works?

They'll come, think I am injured and when they get off,

you'll come out with the machine gun and say "Hands up!"

Then I'll take the machine gun and that's it.

- I will hide behind the bush. - Yes.

Go hide in your place. It's done, big style.

Did you understand?

They should be coming from the State Road 66.

Alright.

I'm doing a robbery!

Why did they come from the other side?

I thought they'd be coming the other way.

Instead... Wait.

I have a map.

The van will be coming from...

It was 99 and not 66.

It came from State Road 99.

- Hurry! We must reach them. - Alright.

Don't worry. I'll easily reach them.

There they are.

Be careful. When we overtake them, we'll duck so they won't see us.

Ready? Now.

Did you see?

- Yes? - How's it going, doll?

Everything is fine. We did a general rehearsal.

- Now we are on scene. - Hang up.

We overtook them. We're looking for the right place.

This time we're exchanging roles. I'll be the bait.

- Careful, doll. Don't get hurt. - Yeah, wait for her.

- Keep me posted. - Over and out.

This is it. Lie over there.

I'll hide behind the tree and attack 6 seconds after they get off.

Excuse me.

Do you have the fake blood? Very well. Wouldn't this be better...

Go away. I know what I'm doing.

- No. You look like... - Go away.

Excuse me.

There is an injured woman.

Hands up!

I changed plan. They will come from there.

Their car will go completely around.

Then I'll get a hand grenade from my pocket,

I'll defuse it , throw it

about ten meters ahead and stop them. Maybe.

- Yes. - I am very nervous.

There they are.

Look. I defuse...

I throw it.

- Five seconds. - What is going on?

It got stuck!

It's not here. Oh, God!

It went here.

Let's go see.

- It was fantastic. - It was...

a child's game.

I'm used to it... Almost.

Miss, look here.

Do you realize that we're rich? We are very rich.

Hands up!

I didn't mean you, but them.

Completely knocked out. Look at them...

What are you doing?

Who is it?

The plan worked. Instead of taking us to the suitcase,

our friends brought this trunk full of billions. Here it is.

Listen.

Did you organize the hit at the bank?

Yes. So what?

You know what? You are a scoundrel.

- And a piece of shit. - Be quiet.

Oh, great. You hit women too.

Boss, this is it.

Relax.

Holy Mary!

Everyone stop! Hands up!

Don't react or you'll be sorry.

Finally we caught you!

Disarm them and lock them up in the van. We're taking them away.

See? He's a policeman.

Miss, hurry up. Let's run away.

- Come. - Stop, you two!

Not them. Search the hold. I'll look over there.

If you want, I'll explain everything.

Everyone up top!

Explain? What will you explain?

Where are you? Miss, I know this ship like my pockets.

Open up this door or...

They must have done some changes without me knowing it.

Now we are among proper people.

- A policeman and 2 honest citizens. - That is for sure.

- Did you put it on the report? - Sure. Who do you think we are?

- Alright. - We knew everything about you.

Fingerprints, social security number and complete biography.

- Social security number? - We immediately realized

that two people like you couldn't be taken seriously.

- What are we missing? - Bonnie and Clyde are back.

The commander started.

The pieces of the mosaic began fitting into their places.

An honest truck driver brought this to us.

- The loot. - Two billion, 540 million.

Excuse me, 541. I wouldn't want someone...

That is not all.

At almost the same time, this was found.

My sample suitcase.

- Incredible! - The bandits had thrown it away.

None of your little turds are missing.

- Happy? - Everything is here.

They didn't even get ruined. Thank goodness!

It's one of Auntie's collections.

Another aunt, not mine.

We are very efficient.

I've a surprise for you. Your glasses were found in the bank.

I look the liberty of having them repaired.

Now I am beginning to see things clearly.

Finally you see me as I really am.

Very clearly!

- You used us as bait. - That's right, miss.

You realized what our plan was. You've very intelligent.

Through you, we didn't care to get to the executioners of the hit,

but to their boss, the Marseillais,

a criminal who always managed to escape us.

In this action, you served in the interest of justice.

You should be proud of that.

I feel very proud.

So, dear captain,

if Giada is proud, I am proud too.

We are very grateful to you, and are going

because we're about to leave. - And then...

what matters is that it ended well.

- Right, miss. Beautiful and wise. - What?

Tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. I must return to Rome

to deliver the money with a special plane of course.

- If you want a ride... - No. She'll be catching a train.

- Why not? - A train...

- You're still here? You're free. - I...

Free, without a record. Go.

We'll be taking a train.

Well, I'll be going. Listen.

May I take possession of that collection again?

I'll see if I can sell something.

- Take it and leave. - Thank you.

- Go on. - Alright. I'm going. Alone.

Miss Giada, I must say goodbye to you.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

I don't know if you realize we'll never meet again.

Our adventure together was wonderful.

Farewell. Goodbye.

Alright. Goodb...

I know everything about you now.

Address, phone number, habits.

The officer could step back and be just a man now.

- Her train ticket... - What do you say?

- I'd love that. - I'll have it reimbursed.

Hurry up back there!

Come on with the merry-go-round!

Turn on those lights. Hurry, guys! Put some energy into it.

Excuse me. I am a sales representative.

I think you could be interested in the items that I sell.

I am not interested. It's old stuff. We are computerized here.

It takes a lot more than that. We have Japanese electronics.

What'll I do with this stuff? Sell it to someone else.

Check that car!

Sir, are you ill?

Yes, I am. My heart is thumping.

I am dizzy. It's a strange symptom.

Go away before you catch this disease.

Nobody understands what it is.

You aren't sick, you're in love.

- What are you saying? - Yes, you're in love.

- What? - Goodbye, sir.

It's true, Yes, it's true!

Miss, tomorrow at 7:30 I'll take back the money to Rome

with a special plane. May I give you a ride?

Why not?

Miss Giada!

I'm here.

I love you!

I love you!

Why are you yelling? I'm here.

What?

Excuse me, Miss Giada. Weren't you all...

You were there dressed in white, marrying the captain.

- I don't understand. - It's the pills.

The pills?

Where are you going?

- What were you shouting earlier? - I...

I don't remember. I mean... I do.

Weren't you leaving with the captain?

No. I came to do something very important.

- This. - Are you leaving?

- With who? - With you.

- Didn't you want to go abroad? - I have to be honest with you.

I can only offer you a mediocre life. I'll show you what I sell.

They swindled me again. They stole my sample suitcase.

This time I exchanged them. Hurry.

Let's go. Hurry up. The plane is leaving. Hurry!