Original subtitles

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CHAUFFEURS LAUGH

This is only for ticket-holders,

I'm afraid, those that are on this list.

It's not for the public.

Can you move along, please?

Follow the signs.

No, I think you'll find we're on the list.

All of us.

Every year, this happens.

Can I see all your names, please, sir?

Your names are on the list, yes.

We may pass, may we?

I told you it was all in order.

HUBBUB

GLASSES CLINK, SILENCE

WOMAN GASPS

Let's hope the champagne is better than last year.

There you are, darling.

Cheers.

Where did Sasha go?

- Mmm? - I didn't see.

I thought he was right behind me.

He can't have got far.

Sasha?

You've lost someone?

My son Sasha. He was right here with us.

Well, he's only eight and he doesn't know his way around here.

He must be outside.

Maybe he's gone to see the horses.

They like to be near to the horses.

Sasha? Sasha?

Excuse me.

- Sasha? - Sasha!

GASPS

Sasha!

Sasha? Sasha!

Are you lost, young man?

Would you like a piece of cake?

No, I don't want any cake, sir.

- Is that the truth? - It is the truth, sir.

- I have a stomach-ache, sir. - Because they'll never know,

I promise you.

I must go now, sir.

Well, if we meet again, young man,

let me tell you,

I'm not nearly as fierce as I look.

Sasha!

- Excuse me, have you seen a little boy? - Sasha!

Sasha!

Sasha?

- Sasha! - A blue jacket...

Sasha?

- Sasha? - Sasha!

Sasha?

Are you Sasha?

Yes.

I've found him! He's here!

Sasha!

Where have you been? I've been so worried about you!

Thank you for finding him.

Where have you been, Sashenka? Really!

Never, ever run off like that!

You must allow us to say a proper thank you.

Please join us for our picnic after the races.

Oh, no, please, that's really not necessary.

No, no, please, I must insist.

They won't come. They aren't going to come.

Yes, they will.

Who wouldn't want to tuck into all this?

Ah! Welcome!

SAMUEL CHUCKLES

- This is my husband, Richard. - How do you do?

I think I recognise you.

Are you Richard Shaw?

Yes, I am!

Well, this is thrilling.

Absolutely thrilling to meet you! Samuel Petrukhin.

And this is my family, and that is Courtney Johnson and Mr Neath.

- Thank you. Thank you very much. - Thank you.

- Cheers! - Sasha, isn't that a thing?

Mr Shaw was a great hero during the war. You must read his book.

Please, you're giving me far too much of a write-up!

Don't you believe all that.

Your father is exaggerating wildly.

Nonsense! Here is a real hero, Sasha.

We come here every year.

Miriam gets tickets because of her family.

Miriam comes from a rather aristocratic family.

Jewish aristocracy.

HE SNORTS

They'd be able to eavesdrop a lot more efficiently

if they had a better hearing aid.

- We make hearing aids, you see. - Oh!

You make hearing aids? How interesting. - Mmm.

Manytone Electrics.

Sasha, why are you slouching like that? Sit up straight!

VOICES DISTORT: Sasha is going to boarding school in three weeks.

- Marlham House. - Oh, really?

Marlham House?

So you've heard of it?

Oh, yes. It's a very good school.

He's so young. They go away so young these days, don't they?

HE YELLS

Sasha? Sasha?

Have you hurt yourself?

- Sasha, what's happening? - Where does it hurt, darling?

- What's wrong? - It may be his appendix. If it bursts...

We've got to get him to a hospital. I'll take him in my car.

It'll be much the quickest thing to do.

Make way, please!

YELLS CONTINUE

Hannah, you go with Peter.

GROANS AND SOBS

TANNOY: Dr Appleby, Dr Appleby to the maternity ward immediately, please.

NURSE: I need a doctor in Bay 9.

- It is an emer... - TANNOY: Urgent call for Dr T Rogers

to proceed to Theatre 3.

Dr T Rogers to Theatre 3.

What's the hold-up?

There is another emergency,

We just need to wait for this announcement to finish.

TANNOY: ...to Theatre 1 urgently, - please. This is an urgent call

for Dr Peters to proceed to Theatre 1, please. Thank you.

MULTIPLE ALARMS RING

We will be next.

I assure you we will be next.

SASHA GROANS

TANNOY: Dr Sefton, Dr Sefton is required

in the X-ray department at once.

ALARMS RING, SASHA WHINES

This is truly absurd.

This could be done so much better.

Calling a doctor like this!

TANNOY: Dr Michael, Dr Michael to the maternity ward.

We're still waiting for a doctor!

TANNOY: I repeat, this is an urgent call for Dr Michael

to the maternity ward immediately.

I need a doctor in Bay 9 immediately.

That is immediately, please.

It will happen now.

SASHA GROANS AND SOBS

Well, where is it?

Doctor!

Doctor!

I need you to see my son now!

Sasha, everything will be all right now!

ALARMS RING, TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENTS

It's madness, doing it like this.

TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENTS

ALARMS RING

RADIO REPORTER: The American Air Force has announced a nuclear device

was dropped accidentally on a farmhouse

in Mars Bluff, South Carolina,

but since the bomb did not, on this occasion,

contain its nuclear core,

there was no major explosion.

Six people are reported injured, though.

This is the second incident involving a nuclear device

- being dropped accidentally... - Blimey!

...in the United States in the last two months,

after a hydrogen bomb was lost in the sea near Savannah, Georgia.

Please let me not do it.

RADIO NEWS CONTINUES

Please, please don't make me do it.

Sasha!

You're lucky you don't have to go to boarding school.

I'd do anything not to have to go.

RADIO TURNS OFF

Well, you've managed to miss all this time because of your appendix.

And at least it's a very smart uniform.

Why can't I go to the local school like you did?

It's not fair!

It's not fair, no.

But then you're the boy, and that's what happens.

So, as we won't be all together again for a few weeks at least,

it has given me a chance to open this sherry -

the finest sherry we have, in fact.

You can have some too, Sasha, a few sips.

And then we have a real banquet to tuck into.

Your mother has prepared a wonderful goodbye meal.

So, Sasha,

if there is anything you want to ask,

or feel that we should discuss...

Yes, Hannah?

I don't want to do it. Please.

Don't make me do it.

I don't want to do this season,

I don't want to be a deb,

and I definitely don't want to go to a horrible etiquette class.

Hannah!

This is certainly not the time, Hannah.

This is Sasha's celebratory meal.

But let us be very clear.

You most definitely are going to do it. It is your birthright.

No!

Your mother was presented at Court,

and that gives you the right to be so, too.

And we would be absolutely mad to give up that chance,

especially as this is the last-ever season

where the debutantes are being presented to the Queen.

The very last time, and you will be one of them!

SLOW PIANO MUSIC ON RADIO

KNOCK ON DOOR

DOOR OPENS

So you're awake.

Very much so, Dad, yes.

It's very late, my dear.

You know they dropped a nuclear bomb

by mistake in America, on a farmhouse?

I know, but nobody was killed.

You mustn't dwell, my dear.

RADIO TURNS OFF

And don't worry - they can't go off by mistake, these bombs.

- They can't? - They really can't.

And the season will be a wonderful time, I'm sure.

You need to do this for your mum.

It's a reminder of her family.

Before she married me.

CLUNKING AND WHIRRING

I'm so sorry, I don't have an appointment,

but I wonder if it's possible to have a minute or two

with Mr Petrukhin. My name is...

There's a lady here to see Mr Samuel.

WHIRRING

Can I help you?

Oh! It's you!

Yes, it's me!

I wasn't sure you'd remember me.

Of course I remember you.

And I'm so pleased to see you after our picnic ended so abruptly.

He's fully recovered, I hope, your son?

Ah, yes, it was his appendix,

and out it came!

What can I do for you, Mrs Shaw?

Yes. I'm so sorry just appearing like this,

but I remembered you said you make hearing aids.

Because I have a very deaf aunt

who always refuses to wear any kind of hearing aid,

and I thought if -

I could find something small enough, something tiny enough -

I might persuade her to change her mind.

We can do that, yes.

MACHINERY WHIRS

Many of the people here are deaf.

Not all, but a lot of them.

They're very good workers.

So, this is our latest model.

It's just come out, and I hope it will be tiny enough for your aunt.

I might really stand a chance of persuading her to wear that.

I'll try to get her to come the next time I'm in town.

Or if she prefers, we can always come to wherever she is, of course.

- I'm sure that's too much trouble. - No, not in the slightest.

We do that for some of our clients.

We do Winston Churchill's hearing aid, for instance...

You do? Winston Churchill?

Yes, we've done it for years.

When he was Prime Minister in Downing Street,

although that was stopped for a short time,

for a reason I never discovered.

But now all is forgiven, we see him regularly.

Well, I'm impressed.

Doing Sir Winston Churchill's hearing aid!

Mr Johnson, who you've met already,

and this is Doreen, who keeps us all on track - especially me.

I try to, anyhow.

I'm sure you must be kept very busy

supplying all these important people.

The trick, of course, is to get them to pay up -

often the bigger the title, the slower they are.

Now, I must show you this -

it's our very latest product.

What is it? I've never seen something like this before.

Very few people have.

We hope! We think we're the first.

- In the world? - Yes, it's entirely new.

It's a staff-locator, for calling people.

You wear it in your top pocket, and it goes off, it bleeps,

when somebody needs you.

It finds you regardless of where you are in a building.

It will be especially useful in hospitals.

We were developing it anyway,

but after my experience with my son,

that day in the emergency department,

it gave us extra urgency.

Well, I'm sure it will change everything.

Well, one order would be nice!

You must be Petrukhin.

So you've decided to join us after all, have you?

Now, Petrukhin, Mr Tezler has just a few questions to ask you.

Your height?

CLOCK TICKS

Your height?

3ft 9in, I think, sir.

How big are your feet?

I'm not sure, sir.

You don't know? Give Matron your shoe.

Religion?

Jewish, sir.

Ah, yes! You're the only one, as it happens.

At least the only one we know about.

Your father's profession?

He makes hearing aids and he also invents things.

Electrical things.

Lots of things, sir.

- An inventor? - He is,

and he doesn't just invent them, he sells them as well.

Now, Petrukhin, as you weren't with us last term,

you have, of course, missed certain things -

so you're going to need to do your best to catch up.

But no doubt, since your father is an inventor,

you have lively thoughts going on up here already, Petrukhin.

BELL TINGS

Ah, here they are, the darkie and the Jew!

Never be allowed here except to do this.

Let's see if I can get a free trial

on this new one they're going to give me today.

Usually works!

BELL TINGS

So, Mr Richardson, here we are with a new hearing aid

and, as good as the old one is,

I'm sure you will notice a very considerable difference.

What? What did you say?

HE SHOUTS: Can't hear a word you're saying!

Is your... Is your hearing aid turned on?

Can't hear a damn thing. What's he saying?

HE LAUGHS

I'm only joking, of course!

Got you there! Ha-ha!

Forgive, I couldn't resist.

Must be this rather excellent brandy.

Bloody good today.

Now, this new one, this new hearing aid,

will be a great deal better, will it?

It is even better.

Will it come with a free trial?

A new hearing aid should come with a free trial - after all,

I might prefer the old one, and you're going to take that away.

So shall we say a normal six months' free trial?

There's no free trial, sir.

This is our latest model,

and there's no free trial, sir.

This has never happened before.

This is not the sort of service I expect.

It might not be wise to change the way you do business, Mr Petrukhin.

Yes, I forgot.

With this new model, there is no free trial.

CONVERSATION INAUDIBLE

HANNAH: Oh, my God.

How am I going to get through tomorrow?

I've got to stop talking to my fish.

Now, there's only one important thing -

make sure that you're in Miss Laidlaw's class.

It's the one that I've paid for,

it's the most expensive, she's the top teacher.

Make sure that you're with her.

Don't let them put you in another class.

Promise me.

Dad, she's not going to be able to turn me into something I'm not.

Especially in just a few weeks.

Don't worry, my dear. Look at me!

I taught myself how to speak

with a perfect English upper-class accent.

Nobody can tell the difference now!

SCALES PLAYED ON PIANO

WHISTLE BLOWS

That's very good.

WHISTLE BLOWS

WHISTLE BLOWS

WOMAN: Prepare.

Hello.

I'm sorry I'm late.

May I still join you? Why not?

I have space, as you can see.

Your name?

Hannah Petrukhin.

You're sure you're meant to be in this class, though,

- not Miss Laidlaw's? - Oh, no, I'm meant to be in this class.

Absolutely!

Blimey! Never seen such nervous faces.

It's not advanced physics we're about to do here.

So, we were about to start with the curtsey.

Legs like so.

And the curtsey.

Not ridiculously low,

nor an off-hand little dip.

Not too low, not too low!

MACHINES WHIR

UNCLEAR RAISED VOICES

We need orders. We need a lot more orders.

And we need to start saving money.

We need to cut back in certain areas,

because the situation is becoming extremely perilous.

"Perilous!" Don't use that word ever, Courtney,

the situation is not perilous.

It is far from perilous.

The launch of the staff-locator will bring in new orders.

It will make a huge difference.

We can't bank on that taking off at once, we really can't.

And in the meantime, we really do need to start doing

a few things differently, Mr Samuel. Such as?

Well, I can think of one thing straight away.

We can't afford a chauffeur for you paid for by the company any more.

It's not for me! It's to impress the clients

when we go and fit their hearing aids.

I am definitely not sacking Peter!

- It's completely out of the question. - Then he can do deliveries.

We need another delivery driver because we've just lost somebody.

And he can chauffeur for you on special occasions.

Will you agree to that at least, Mr Samuel?

KNOCK ON DOOR

DOOR OPENS

Thank you.

HE CLEARS THROAT

Ah!

That's perfectly timed.

We have another order,

and one that I was very much hoping would come through.

Doing this without a driver, without Peter!

It's almost like we're naked.

What an absolutely beautiful house.

The sort of house I've always dreamed of having, Courtney.

Once the staff-locator takes off, then... maybe!

Here are the gentlemen who are going to fit your hearing aid, Aunt Mary.

Are they indeed?

Is it as small as they said it was going to be,

as microscopic as I was promised?

I think so, yes.

Hmm, possibly it is.

If nobody notices it,

I might just wear it.

Only do get on with it, please,

I've been worried about this all day.

CHATTER

You're having a party.

We're not interrupting, are we?

No, no, don't worry about them.

There are always people here -

my husband is Member of Parliament for this part of the world,

so we always seem to be entertaining somebody.

There. All done!

AMPLIFIED WOMAN'S LAUGHTER

That is a difference.

CROQUET BALL CLUNKS

A most dramatic difference, in fact!

There is a volume control right here.

It is the first-ever hearing aid to have a volume control, in fact.

And now you can hear all the awful things

we say about you all the time!

That's the least of my worries.

I'm going to have to make small talk. How on Earth do I do that?

It's so good to see you again, Mr Petrukhin. And you, too.

I must thank you gentlemen so much

for coming all this way to do this.

What a special service.

No, no, it's a pleasure to see this house.

And this garden!

Well, you must come back with your wife and children one day, to visit.

To see it properly.

It's the least we can do, after you've come all this way.

Absolutely. Thank you, that is most kind.

That would be a treat for them.

Well...

...we wish you good listening.

THEY CHUCKLE

CLOCK TICKS

Courtney?

Oh, of course. I quite forgot.

I'm so sorry. How idiotic of me!

I must write you a cheque.

Immediately.

Very bold, Courtney.

Just standing there!

It worked, didn't it?

We got the cheque.

What's the matter?

I think that car's following us.

"Following us"? Are you sure?

It was behind us when we got to the house

and now it's here, following us.

And it's definitely the same car?

Definitely.

Speed up, Courtney.

ENGINE REVS

What the hell are they doing?

It must be one of our competitors.

They follow us all the way here to see us fit a hearing aid?

That's not likely, is it?

Stop the car, Courtney.

- Stop? - Yes, stop!

It's about the staff-locator.

They know we're about to launch,

about to do our demonstration at St Edward's Hospital.

They're not going to let us out of their sight.

Come on, you bastards!

Come on!

Get out and show yourselves!

Get out of the way. Get out of the way!

Did you get a look at them?

No, I didn't.

Well, whoever they are, we saw them off.

♪ Come on, pretty baby, let's move it and groove it

♪ Yeah, let's shake it, baby, shake it, honey

♪ Please don't lose it

♪ The rhythm that gets into to your heart and soul

♪ Let me tell you, baby, it's called rock and roll... ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES THROUGH HEADPHONES

You have your own private radio, I see.

- Yes, sir. - Did anybody tell you that was permitted?

That was allowed at this school?

I didn't think it was forbidden, sir.

HE CHUCKLES That is not what I asked you.

Nobody told you that was allowed, did they?

It is, of course, forbidden.

What a cacophony it would be

if everybody were allowed to have their own radio!

What would that be like, Petrukhin? It would be hell!

CANE CRACKS, BOYS GASP

For everyone!

Nobody else, I'm sure,

has a pair of these.

Who has a pair of these at home?

Whose parents has a pair of these?

So you see, Petrukhin,

you are quite alone.

My father could get some of these for anybody who wanted.

You try to do business?

At school?

You try to sell me goods?

No, not really, sir, I...

Stand up!

These are, of course, confiscated,

as is the radio.

Do you have any other electrical appliances with you?

Something we don't know about?

Any of your father's inventions?

Something hidden in your luggage?

Be very careful to answer truthfully, Petrukhin.

No, sir, I haven't anything else.

Oh, my goodness, Samuel. It takes up the whole room!

When you said a new television, I didn't realise...

Hannah!

You see, it has these doors that close.

And then it blends in perfectly, you see?

But it's so big!

I feel it'll be watching me the whole time.

Let's get it working.

- It takes a while to warm up. - Dad?

That's the biggest television I've ever seen!

Yes, yes, but it has doors.

Fits the room!

It must've been very expensive, Dad.

No need to worry about that, my dear.

More rockets.

Always there's another rocket at the moment.

I hope I can get used to it.

I prefer the newspaper.

Everything doesn't seem so chaotic when one reads about it.

Mum is right.

There's always another rocket at the moment.

But this is a good one, my dear,

it's taking a communication satellite into space.

It could lead to all sorts of things happening.

No need to be frightened of this one.

I'm not frightened of it.

I don't go round being scared of things all the time.

Except the etiquette class.

Except that, of course.

You look splendid, Mary.

You really do.

And you'll be able to hear

one of Richard's speeches clearly, for once!

And all the applause, of course.

Maybe a cheer or two.

You're expecting cheers?

They're usually too old to make any noise at all.

And they'd probably die of shock

if anyone under 30 was in the audience.

CLOCK CHIMES

Are you all right, my dear?

Yes, of course I am.

I'm excited we're going out together.

Everybody ready, then?

I'm going to be sensational.

MURMUR OF CONVERSATION

Amazing to see you here, Mary.

I was told that you never go out these days.

Whoever told you that was lying.

I am very selective, I admit.

I am here to support Richard.

- What are you doing here? - The same as you, naturally.

I rarely miss a speech of Richard's.

Welcome, everybody. And a splendid turnout, I think we'd all agree,

despite the comparative lateness of the hour.

And you will be particularly thrilled

to hear that I don't intend to say anything myself.

LAUGHTER Because I want, without further ado,

to get to our star attraction.

Our distinguished Member of Parliament...

Well, I was about to say let's give a warm welcome to Mr Shaw.

He was here just a moment ago.

Is he among any of you out there?

Mr Shaw?

He was literally standing there just a second ago.

Mr Shaw?

Did anybody see where he went?

Well, for some reason, Mr Shaw seems to have left us.

We must hope he returns.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

CONVERSATION DIES

My husband...

...who at this moment seems to have vanished...

...as many of you here will know from reading about his exploits

during the war, is no stranger to the unexpected.

And certainly the unexpected can happen at any time

and without warning -

even here in this hall tonight.

If I were to guess what this sudden unexplained thing was -

unexplained so far, anyway...

...it would be a message from the Houses of Parliament,

some piece of official business which is considered so very urgent

and which will certainly turn out not to be urgent in the morning.

LAUGHTER

Or even in half an hour!

But of course, that's how government works.

Or else, of course...

...there's another explanation,

and he suddenly found facing you more frightening

than anything he had to face during the war!

LAUGHTER

And standing here now, I understand why!

But of course we know that can't be true, don't we?

Because we've all seen him

give stirring, wonderful speeches in this hall before.

Not wonderful, darling, but long, certainly!

Forgive me, everyone, the unexpected did indeed happen,

and it was marked, "Urgent."

And of course, as my wife correctly guessed,

it turned out not to be urgent at all.

More than that, I can't tell you,

not today,

but please accept my deepest, humblest apologies.

But maybe, because of the interruption,

it gives me an excuse to get straight to the point tonight.

So no jokes this evening about

my very poor judging of the flower festival.

GROANING

Instead, I want to talk about our place in the world.

Not yours or mine,

but this country of ours...

...and its relationship to our greatest ally, the United States.

Is it a well-balanced marriage, that is mutually beneficial?

Or is it a stormy love affair

about to rupture after all we've been through in the war?

THUNDER RUMBLES

I'm so sorry, darling.

I thought you'd gone.

You did marvellously.

Nobody was worried.

Nobody even mentioned it afterwards.

Stop the car, Dalton.

Stop the car now!

What are you doing? It's raining!

Stay in the car, Dalton.

My darling, forgive me.

Please!

What can I do to make it up to you, darling?

Let's go away.

Nobody would miss me for a few days, they really won't.

Let's go to Capri.

Let's do it tomorrow.

You love it there.

You know you do.

Let me take you there.

Tomorrow.

To the demonstration tomorrow.

To success.

And to the staff-locator.

To the bleeper!

That's what I like to call it.

No.

To the pager!

BELL RINGS

So, are we all ready, then?

Good!

Step forward, please, the gentleman

who is to be our first guinea pig in this demonstration.

Dr Small. An interesting name for such a big day!

GENTLE LAUGHTER

So, I put the staff-locator in Dr Small's pocket.

Now then, off you go and hide yourself

anywhere in the hospital you can think of as quick as you can.

It can be the broom cupboards, the roof -

wherever you choose, we will find you.

Someone count to 40 for me.

In 40 seconds, we will summon Dr Small.

So...

I'm counting under my breath, too.

Dr Small is hiding himself. Let us hope that he is hiding himself well.

A room with the thickest walls -

his staff-locator will still go off.

I believe that's 40 seconds, Mr Samuel.

Yes.

So, now, here goes.

I summon Dr Small.

And he will return to us immediately.

Notice - no hysterical bells ringing,

no Tannoys shouting,

"Emergency! Emergency in Ward 7!"

All the patients getting disturbed.

Total silence.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Ah! Dr Small is running towards us.

No, no! False alarm!

The next one will be Dr Small.

Sorry!

I told him to hide himself well, remember.

I'm still counting. I'm about to get to 85!

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Ah, here he comes!

Dr Small is here.

BEEPING Well done, Dr Small!

I was in the chapel.

And it went off, it really did go off!

BEEPING CONTINUES

Now, where's the patient?

LAUGHTER

Do you think anyone has... borrowed one?

Stolen one, you mean? No.

I've counted - they're all here, no-one's got one.

Well, if they don't want it after that,

they're never, ever going to want it.

We've shown it works all over the bloody hospital!

Yes. I look forward to the first orders tomorrow morning.

What's the matter, Courtney?

As Doreen says, they can't deny the evidence.

Maybe. I just hope the consultants aren't going to be difficult.

Won't think they're being summoned like bellboys or servants

by this thing bleeping in their pocket.

They won't think that. They really can't. They can't be that stupid.

I'm just coming, Doreen.

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

CREAKING, BEEPING

DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE

BEEPING

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

DOOR CLOSES

BEEPING

Who the hell are you?

Well, whoever you are,

you better report that it was a bloody good demonstration.

Straight!

Straight as you can.

I wanted to avoid, if at all possible,

the appalling books-on-the-head method.

So if you don't want to be balancing dictionaries on your heads,

then straight.

Miss Petrukhin?

Can't you bring yourself to leave the building?

Or are you waiting to see me?

Oh, no, I was just thinking. I'm sorry.

I wasn't waiting to see you, Mr Halliday.

- Are you sure? - I am sure.

I don't want to risk talking to anybody, not in the mood I'm in.

I might say something unforgivable.

Like what?

Say something unforgivable.

Like, it's idiotic for a grown woman to be in a class

where she's being taught how to walk and how to sit, for goodness' sake!

And then there's the really, really vital thing -

how to do a curtsey that's not too low.

And I have of course to practise my vowels

when I get home every evening,

just so I can go to the bloody Palace

and say "thank you, Your Majesty" to the Queen!

You're sure you have to do it?

Yes. For my parents.

It's my birthright.

You could say I've given you a bad report.

I can't. My father thinks I'm in Miss Laidlaw's class.

Well, I can promise you, if I get you a few minutes with her,

she will definitely give you a bad report.

Maybe that is worth a try!

I've got a bad report and I'm going to make a spectacle of myself.

I just have to tell him that, don't I?

I can do it right now.

Thank you!

MACHINERY WHIRS

I'm looking for my father. Thank you so much.

I ought to explain, I've just been to etiquette class,

that's why I'm dressed like this.

Oh, I'm so sorry, of course, I forgot.

I was saying, I've just been to etiquette class,

that's why I'm looking like this!

I'm going to this occasion soon at the Palace,

Buckingham Palace, and I'm dreading it.

KNOCK AT DOOR

My dear, what a surprise!

It is a surprise, I know, Dad.

You catch me staring at the phone -

a thoroughly bad idea, because it never makes it ring.

Esther is saying how interesting it would be to go to the Palace.

DOOR CLOSES

It's delightful to see you, of course, my dear,

but why are you here?

I just came to say...

I just wanted to say...

How did the big demonstration go?

You came straight from class dressed like that to ask me?

Thank you, my dear. It went marvellously.

The first orders are about to come through.

And I have some splendid news in the meantime.

Mrs Shaw - you remember,

the lady we met at the races - has invited us all to lunch.

We'll be going at half-term so that Sasha can be there.

Why are you so nervous? You've met them before.

Yes, but this is different. This is a big house party.

No, no, no, she said it was just going to be us.

There's nothing to worry about.

Hello. You're wonderfully punctual.

Look, all the Petrukhins are here!

Yes, so I see.

You'll be pleased to know I can hear everything at the moment.

Excellent.

Ah, and I brought this bottle of wine from our cellar.

Well, it's more of a cupboard, really, than a cellar.

Thank you. You really shouldn't have.

Well, it's quite a rare vintage.

I'm not sure you'd find it in any wine merchant's -

not around here, certainly.

Arthur will really appreciate this.

We're expecting Arthur any moment.

Lord Wallington. He's the only other guest, he's a close friend.

Lord Wallington? Really? Goodness.

Why do you say "goodness" like that?

Well, he's quite a famous name!

He's an important man. Counsellor to kings and emperors.

American presidents, too.

Of course.

Don't worry - he's a charming fellow, really.

Lucky I brought my bottle!

Hello!

My favourite house and my favourite people.

I brought an enormous cheese.

I have no idea why, but I have.

Mr Petrukhin brought this bottle, Arthur.

It's quite an unusual vintage.

You did Mary's hearing aid, I gather.

Now she's back with us again.

For the time being, I am.

Did you know that Mr Petrukhin

does Winston Churchill's hearing aid as well?

- Oh, you do Winston's, do you? - CHUCKLES

How is he? Holding up, is he?

I think his health is good at the moment,

but I'll be seeing him again very soon.

And Mr Petrukhin made something else, too, a very clever thing.

A staff-locator.

It's a long, thin tube that you carry in your pocket,

and it gives off a bleep - it summons you when somebody wants you.

I have one right here, as it happens.

You've brought one with you, have you?

Never caught without one.

Really, it's for the staff, isn't it?

The servants?

So they can be summoned by a bleep now.

A ping, instead of all those bells.

No, it's not just for them.

I can't demonstrate it here, unfortunately,

it needs a circuit, but it can be worn by anybody.

Oh, it's not just for the staff?

No.

Maybe I should change its name.

But it's for everybody.

People could wear them in the House of Lords, for example,

and then they could find you wherever you are

- in that enormous building. - Really?

All the lords and bishops carrying one.

HE CHUCKLES That would be a sight.

Suddenly they're being bleeped,

all pinging away under their robes!

Yes.

A little hard to imagine.

What do you think of this rocket that's gone up, this satellite?

I think it's the most exciting thing that has happened in a long time.

You do? Why?

Well, being able to explore outer space

is extremely important, of course.

We have no idea what we will find.

But what is really exciting -

because this could happen soon, in fact -

is we will be able to send live pictures

across the ocean,

be able to bounce them round the world.

It really is the most extraordinary time at the moment.

We're sending things up in the sky,

and some of them are coming down where they shouldn't.

The Americans lose a hydrogen bomb in the sea and can't find it...

They still haven't found it?

But don't they have to? It's a nuclear bomb!

They haven't a clue how to find it!

And these satellites could come crashing down any moment.

Sasha doesn't have to wait for us.

Would you like to get down and go and explore the garden?

- Would you like that? - Oh, yes, please.

Yes, he likes to explore.

Exploring is good.

Don't go outside the walls onto the road.

We don't want to lose him again.

He can't come to any harm in the garden.

Don't worry. Nothing is going to come crashing out of the sky today.

BUZZING

Do you speak Russian, Mr Petrukhin?

- Yes. - Of course!

I was born there. Came here when I was eight.

But I feel very British.

I'm very fascinated by Russia, Mr Petrukhin, by its history.

The extraordinary suffering. The Soviet Revolution.

How brave they were in the war.

And now, of course...

...they're our enemies.

Don't worry about Sasha.

I wasn't.

BIRDSONG

There was a king who ruled the forest.

He buried lots of things.

He chose me out of everyone.

TWIG SNAPS

TWIGS SNAP

RUSTLING

There are snakes in this orchard.

Big, big snakes.

I warn you. Oof!

You see? See there!

There is no point!

There is no point at all

in me having all this,

if when I buy supplies

they find them,

they find where I keep them!

Ssh! Get down! Get down!

Or they'll see you.

HE LAUGHS

But there's still one place that they don't know about.

And nobody...

...nobody...

...nobody will find it.

Thank you, Sasha.

SHE GASPS There!

Just around the corner, there's a little summer house,

and that's where we'll be.

Would you be so kind as to pick up the notes, the money,

and bring it to the summer house?

That would be so sweet of you.

Thank you, Sasha, that's so kind of you.

Just put it down there, please.

And as a proper thank you...

...I want you to have this.

Please take it... for me.

It'll be our secret, just you and me, what happened here today.

Don't tell your father or your mother about anything.

You promise?

It'll be our secret.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Be still!

The other dress fitted. Why can't I wear that one?

Because your father bought you this one.

And you look beautiful.

I'm so pleased you're doing this, Hannah.

It'll be worth it, I promise.

- It could change your life. - Why aren't you coming, Mum?

Most of the girls have chaperones.

As you know, dear, I don't like crowds.

I find it really difficult to be amongst lots of people.

Don't you want to see it?

It means so much to you.

It only means so much to me because it's such an opportunity for you.

- Is it a success? - Absolutely.

ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYS

It's very hot, Peter.

MUSIC STOPS

It's getting close to the time it starts.

I think we should be moving in a moment.

I'm just going to get some air.

Don't go far. They won't let in any latecomers.

Yes, I know.

I'll be right here.

Sir Winston is ready.

He is expecting you.

He seems quite pleased to know it was you.

Come in, come in.

Let's get it over with.

Hello, sir. It's delightful to see you again.

Oh... What's that book you have there? Is it one of mine?

It is indeed. I was going to ask you to sign it, in fact.

Of course. Bring it over.

Er, if you could make it out to Hannah Petrukhin.

That's my daughter -

who is in fact, at this very moment, at Buckingham Palace

being presented to the Queen.

Is she now?

SHE GASPS

SNAP

What is she doing?

MUFFLED LAUGHTER

Peter! Something terrible has happened.

My heel snapped off!

I can't go like this.

I can't go like this, Peter! What are we going to do?

I could nail it back, probably.

If you don't run on it, it might work.

I can't miss this. My parents will never forgive me.

I could ask them if they've got a toolkit.

I'll run and see what I can do.

Oh, I'd better keep the shoe!

Everybody get out and walk now. Gates close in ten minutes.

Run, Peter, run!

Gates close in ten minutes.

- Mate, have you got a toolkit? - I haven't, sorry.

Mate, you got a toolkit?

Try the other one.

Just stay here - I'm going to try down there, OK? Just stay here.

Peter!

Walk now, miss.

Gates close at four o'clock.

- Miss? - I heard. I'll walk.

Miss, what are you doing? You're running out of time.

And the gates close at four o'clock!

Come on, you bastard! Come on!

All I need.

Come on!

I'm going to make it!

You'll see!

Don't shut the gate. Don't shut the gate!

Please!

I'm going to make it!

- Everything in order? - Yes, absolutely.

- All done. - Good.

It seems to work much better since he's been using your device again -

he appears to hear a lot more.

Somebody said they stopped you doing it when he was PM

because they were worried you were bugging his hearing aid!

Bugging the actual device!

Who said that?

Because you're Russian, and everything.

Must be involved in bugging and espionage.

Just a silly joke. Forget I mentioned it.

No, it's not just a silly joke. They stopped us from doing it.

I'm absolutely appalled that anyone would suggest that.

Well, it's all over now.

I am a proud British citizen

and so is Courtney here.

I'm really quite shaken.

What an extraordinary thing for them to think.

It's that car again.

Them again?

This time, stop in the middle of the road.

BIRDS CAW

I don't think these are our competitors, somehow.

Who are these men, Courtney?

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