Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

They call me the Christchurch Carver,

but really, I'm just a regular Joe with two fish,

a crazy mother, and a hobby.

I like woman.

I'm currently getting to know Laura.

It's going well.

The police are all at sea, looking outwards

when they should be looking inwards.

I've even made a friend.

She's obsessed with me.

But I've got no time for small talk when I've got a copycat

on my hands.

Daniela Walker is dead, and somebody

is trying to pin it on me.

Is it the husband?

I'm going to find out.

But between Fluffy the cat and a crazy journalist,

my orderly life has been turned upside down.

She knows I'm the Christchurch Carver.

What she wants, I'm about to find out.

Should I be flattered?

What?

That I was going to be your next victim?

And were you going to strip me naked?

You going to kill me here or at home?

You got this all wrong.

Shut up.

Really?

I said--

Listen.

Shut up.

Careful, I might slip.

Listen, we're going to make a deal, OK?

You cut the denials, and I won't cut off little Joe, yeah?

That's you admitting it?

Uh-huh?

Big nod?

Listen, Melanie--

It's Melissa, asshole.

That's a weird surname.

Ah, it's me.

It's me.

It's me.

I admit it.

I'm the Christchurch Carver.

It's me.

Ah.

It wasn't hard.

And you were going to kill me.

No.

No, no, no.

That's the truth.

That's the truth.

I like to get to know people first.

Right, so you were going to kill me next week.

Is that it?

What do you want?

Joe Middleton, day custodian.

I fucking knew it.

Knew what?

I thought you weren't a cop, but this--

this is hilarious.

A cleaner.

I thought you said serial killers don't have menial jobs.

Spoken like somebody who hasn't had

to clean up the men's bathroom.

Ooh, nice lock picks.

You following me?

I saw you poking around the Walker house.

I was curious.

So I wasn't being paranoid.

Why were you there?

This is not about me, Joe.

This is about you.

Really?

Well--

Hey.

A shirt?

Returning to the scene of the crime, that is a cliche.

It's not a cliche.

And I didn't kill Daniela Walker.

You expect me to believe that?

It's the truth.

Even the police are thinking it's a copycat.

Look, why would I admit to being the carver and lie about this?

Why indeed.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[SIGHS]

Must be fun, you know, being right under their noses

while they're looking for you.

I know a lot about serial killers, Joe.

Who's the dominating woman you can't kill?

Is it your mummy?

[GRUNTING]

What's the matter?

Can you only get it up for her?

Who comes up with shit like this?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I think you already know where these are going.

I want you to remember me forever.

Mimi?

Mimi?

Mimi?

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

Help me.

Hey, help me.

[GRUNTING]

Oh.

Oh.

[GRUNTING]

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

Jesus.

Oh, fuck.

It looks like something you'd find hanging

in a butcher shop window.

[GRUNTING]

As bad as this is, the forever optimist inside of me

is telling me I'm lucky she didn't crush them both.

Luckier still, she didn't take a souvenir.

I am going to cut Melissa, asshole, into 100 pieces,

or 1,000, like a jigsaw.

Even mother won't be able to put her back together.

[GRUNTING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

My gun.

She's got my gun and my favorite knife.

Come on, Joe.

Come on, Joe.

[GRUNTING]

Oh.

Oh.

I'm going to hunt her down.

I'm going to kill her.

Slow.

She's going to regret crossing the Christchurch Carver.

[GRUNTING]

[BELL RINGING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Tally speaking.

Help me.

Sorry?

It's me, Joe.

I've been hurt.

Hurt?

Do you need me to call you an ambulance?

No.

No ambulance.

No police.

You said I could trust you.

What's your address?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAR ENGINE]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKING]

Joe?

It's Allie.

Joe?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Joe?

Oh.

Oh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh.

Joe?

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

What happened?

Oh my god, you need an ambulance.

Please, no.

No, no, no.

No police.

No, no, no.

How did this happen?

Just-- just help me.

Just help me.

No, Joe, this is-- this is really bad.

I-- I need to call an ambulance.

No, you'll make it worse.

I just want medicine.

But Joe--

You said you'd help.

You said I could trust you.

You can, Joe.

You can.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

These scratches, they're old.

Like, scars and--

Oh.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Joe, who did that to you?

Satan.

Satan isn't walking around in real life, Joe.

Isn't she?

Sure feels like I'm in hell.

This is a real mess, Joe.

Just don't take me to hospital, OK?

Don't.

Don't.

I'm going to need to take a look, Joe.

Oh.

I'm going to need to take off the tape.

[SCREAMING]

Hey, Dad.

Aren't you meant to be at breakfast

with your church friends?

Something came up.

Are you OK?

Haven't seen that out for a while.

A friend needs my help.

Anything I can do to help?

Oh, no.

No, no, no. No.

You sure?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It won't be long, OK?

I love you.

All right.

Oh.

Oh.

Shit. Shit.

Shit.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

[SCREAMING]

It's all right.

Hold still.

Sally.

Fuck.

I'd rather be back at the park with Melissa.

Just had a bit of a tear.

Just putting in a couple stitches.

What the hell kind of nightmare is this?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

Child, there's some medication here and some water.

And I've inserted a catheter, so be careful.

And I found this beer key, so I'll come

check in on you later, OK?

I know who you are, Joe.

I know what you're doing.

Apartment?

Melissa heard my apartment.

Mimi?

No, Melissa.

Mimi?

No.

Mimi?

No.

Joe!

Mom.

You make terrible coffee.

Mom.

Is Mom OK?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

It's just a dream.

Has to be.

Not a bad one, though.

Mom.

What the hell?

It's either Mom or somebody about Mom.

Maybe my dream was a premonition.

Maybe I have to spend this afternoon

looking for a funeral dress and spend tomorrow coffin shopping.

As a final mark of respect to my mom,

I'll find something on sale.

Mom?

This is Jennifer from Emergency Vets.

How's she doing?

She?

She's great.

You said on the phone yesterday that you'd

consider taking her in if we couldn't find the owner.

The other day?

If you change your mind, we can send her to a shelter.

And onto death row if nobody takes her in.

I can take her.

There is a balancer link.

I'll cover it.

Thank you.

And any chance you can make it in today, we need the space here.

Who tidied up my room?

Joe?

Was Melissa here?

Surely not.

Joe, are you there?

What's today?

Excuse me?

Oh, I've been sick in bed and lost track of time.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

It's Tuesday.

Tuesday?

I've lost two days.

I can come in tomorrow evening?

Of course.

I'm here till midnight.

Take care of yourself, Joe.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah!

Fuck.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Graham Delaney?

Jesus.

Was the celly here, boys?

Fuck.

So it wasn't a dream.

The celly really was here.

Shit.

I should have been through this.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Cops are probably on their way.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I know how they work.

Cut the hose, which deflates the balloon holding it

in my bladder, then pull.

OK.

How bad can it be?

Oh.

Oh, it's bad.

It's bad.

Oh, bad.

Fuck.

Oh.

Fuck.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Boys, we're going on a road trip.

I didn't even know where.

Jesus.

I didn't even have a passport.

Oh.

Tuesday.

Sully Hill to Melissa Blatt.

The police would be on their way.

They'd be knocking on the--

[KNOCKING]

[KNOCKING]

Is this how it ends?

Joe Middleton, survived by his mother and goldfish,

gunned down in a hail of bullets after having his nuts flattened.

If I had my gun, I'd be shooting my way out of this.

Thanks, Melissa.

I'd rather jump than have Schroeder take me in.

Oh, fuck.

Well, what are you waiting for?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

I don't like where this is going.

Melissa.

Fuck, she knows where I live.

She's telling me she can send these to the police

at any time, unless I do what for her?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Sully.

Thanks, but no thanks.

But I am going to need to pay you a visit.

How is the Christchurch carver meant to keep carving his way

through Christchurch if he can barely walk?

Am I going to have to limit myself to houses

with handicapped entrances, and by extension,

handicapped people?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, guys.

If Melissa was going to tell the police,

she would have done it by now.

She doesn't seem like the police telling kind.

But to Sully, that's different.

Sorry, Laura.

Our romance will have to wait.

Would the Sully's religion compel her to tell

Schroeder what she saw, or make her keep it a secret?

John.

Shit, I should have never come back here.

A situation room's a bit of a tip.

Sorry, Detective.

I was off yesterday.

Oh, were you?

I really am invisible.

What have you done to yourself?

I offered to walk a woman home.

Oh, I fell on the stairs at home.

Have you seen Sully?

No, she hasn't been in this week.

Graham's in the hospital.

Who did?

Yeah, he also took a fall.

Do you know when she'll be back?

No.

I'm sure she'll appreciate you asking after her.

I'm not so sure she would.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Sully, you're home early.

Maybe I should find out exactly what you know.

Joe.

Hey, Sully.

What are you doing here?

I came to say thanks for looking after me.

You shouldn't be out of bed, Joe.

And you shouldn't have snooped around my house.

Well, I've got to get a few things for my dad,

and then I'm popping out.

But if you want to come in?

I wonder how many days the Sully would

need to be away from work before anyone noticed.

5, 10, 1,000?

Detective Carl said your dad fell.

He did, on his way to the dairy.

And he's got other conditions that will complicate his recovery.

[DOOR OPENS]

Is the catheter still inserting?

I was able to remove it.

Joe, you should have left that for me.

You wish.

Wait.

You really should still be in bed.

Like I said, you wish.

I'm fine, Sully.

Did you think any more about going to the police?

Did you?

Someone hurt you, Joe.

You need to tell someone.

It's fine.

It wasn't Travis?

No.

Well, what this person did is horrible,

and they need to be stopped.

Can't argue with that.

You came to my house?

Every day.

To check on you and those stitches.

You gave me stitches?

Yeah, I used to be a nurse.

I told you.

But I, um, I quit when Martin died.

You're about to be reunited.

Look, I, I can come with you.

We could go see Schroeder.

I didn't see who it was.

I was walking home in the park and it was dark.

You sure?

I'm sure.

You had articles on your fridge

about the Christchurch carver.

And you had, um, you had a file with crime scene photos.

I want to understand. That's all.

I, I just wanted to look at them

and to see if I could work it out what the carver was doing.

You?

Who better?

I thought if I could work it out, that would help Detective Carl.

That's so sweet of you, Joe,

but you can't take things like that from work.

Are you going to tell on me?

Of course not.

I wouldn't do that to you.

You're no Sally.

And you're not going to tell anybody about what happened to me?

I really wish that you would, but if that's what you want,

then I won't tell anyone.

And a dead Sally would mean no more sandwiches.

Right, I, I have to get back to my dad,

but, um, if, if anything else happens, promise you'll tell me.

Cross my heart.

(SIGHS)

Thinking about it, it was the right call not killing the Sally,

something I had been asking Schroeder about her earlier.

Plus there's always tomorrow.

Were you telling the truth about Daniela Walker?

What do you want, Melissa?

Is that why you wanted to get into their house,

to figure out who the copycatter is?

Something like that.

Did you want me to think you were a run-of-the-mill serial killer, Joe?

I've decided I want to get to know you better.

Well, that's not going to happen.

Oh, I think it is.

Is that why you returned my lockpicks,

because I'm suddenly more interesting?

Is finding this guy an ego thing, or you don't like the competition?

It's my civic duty.

(LAUGHS)

That's, that's really funny.

OK, the lockpicks are for the Walker house.

He's no longer under guard. I want you to find this guy.

What, so you could torture him?

You sound jealous.

You sound insane.

You have two days to find him.

What?

Anything longer and I get bored.

Yeah?

What happens when you get bored?

Then you're nice and gone and end up with the police.

Definitely insane.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

This is way harder to make sense of when you didn't do it.

I know. I know. But I can't face going there tonight.

You try going up and down flights of stairs with a torn testicle.

(PHONE RINGS)

What if Mum really is sick?

(PHONE RINGS)

Maybe it's the doctor to say she's dead.

(PHONE RINGS)

Act surprised, Jo.

Hello?

Jo, it's your mother. I've had the worst diarrhoea.

Honestly, I've been spraying paint in the toilet.

And the only blessing was I took my new jigsaw into the bathroom

and there were no pieces missing.

That's great, Mum, but I'm working.

It's his time of night.

Something important's come up.

If you say so.

Night, Mum. I'm glad you're feeling better.

I'd believe that if you ever came around.

Should have used more rat poison.

(CAR DOOR SLAMS)

(MUFFLED CHATTER)

Morning, Detective Carl.

Hey, Jo.

Hey, boss. Yeah?

I've got a couple of things about Mike Walker.

OK.

The husband. I fucking knew it was him.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(GRUNTS)

(MUFFLED CHATTER)

The thing is, Walker was at soccer, as per his statement,

but he wasn't on the sidelines.

He was in his car most of the time doing emails.

The car park isn't in view of the grounds,

and it's not a long drive from the Walker house.

Shit.

So you really think he could have done it?

You tell me.

I also talked to the pathologist.

Look at that list of injuries.

(MUFFLED CHATTER)

Exactly.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Damn, that's a nice house.

It'll become affordable too if I kill the next few owners.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(MUFFLED CHATTER)

(MUFFLED CHATTER)

This is the room where somebody pretended to be me.

It's only fair that now I get to pretend being you.

But first things first.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

This is gonna be easy.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Thanks for coming in.

Didn't really feel like I had much choice, Carl.

What?

Guessing you didn't bring me here to tell me you caught the guy.

We're working on it.

Yeah.

You have been looking for the carver for two years.

You'd be better at your job. Daniela wouldn't...

I'm sorry.

I'm just frustrated.

According to Daniela's autopsy report,

she understood your frustration too.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

OK, so maybe not so easy after all.

So what do we know?

We know her husband treated her like a punching bag.

We know there was no forced entry into the house.

We know the media have blabbed so much that he could stage a crime scene to look like I was there.

But we also know that it's all circumstantial.

Only thing that's for sure is Daniela knew her killer.

The coroner found a lot of pre-existing injuries, Mike.

Fractures to her ribs, her collarbone and orbital socket.

Oh, why? The injuries are old, Mr Walker. They go back years.

Did she threaten to go to the cops?

Or did she talk back one too many times? Is that what happened, Mike?

What else? What else?

Think, Joe. Think.

Nothing.

Crossword.

OK, let's get creative.

Sometimes, we'd fight.

OK.

She wasn't easy.

The way she was with men, I saw the way they looked at her.

Are you seriously blaming her right now?

No, of course not! I'm just saying she didn't exactly help herself.

How do you think it made me feel when sometimes she'd look back...

I don't know, Mike.

But I bet it made you feel like a real fucking man smacking her around, eh?

Is that what happened, Mike?

Crossword. Check.

Alarm clock, check.

Pot plant, check.

Ugly sandals, check.

Pen, check.

You have kids.

You know what it takes to hold the family together.

That's all I was doing.

Just reminding her how bad it would be for all of us if she decided to leave.

So that's what happened.

She tried to leave. You lost control.

So you thought you'd make her look like it was a cover.

I didn't kill her!

Expensive house means expensive beer.

What am I missing?

There has to be something here.

This is gonna be a long night.

I loved her.

I've been knowing that someone...

She was mine.

And someone made her theirs.

You never deserved her.

And you don't deserve those kids.

Fuck you, Carl.

Fuck you both.

If you guys want to talk to me again, you can call my lawyer.

Oh, we will, Mr. Walker. You don't have to worry about that.

So much for putting myself in the mind of a killer.

Maybe what I ought to do is figure out what Schroeder and the rest of the travelling circus would do.

Then I can do the exact opposite.

Or maybe I'll let them do some of the groundwork.

See what they find.

Then come back here and make sense of it.

Maybe my copycat might strike again.

And give me a second crime scene to look at.

Whatever I decide, there's no point in hanging around here any longer.

I'll grab the rest of my beers from the fridge and...

Hold on.

They're different.

Damn.

So Daniela is doing a crossword puzzle when the copycat comes in.

All you have to defend yourself with is a pen.

So you try to stab him.

But you do a shit job.

He takes it and throws it...

Bullseye.

So who could have switched it after it was photographed?

Somebody who was at the crime scene while it was active.

Daniela Walker was killed by a cop.

But which one...

Fuck!

[Footsteps]

Schroeder.

You come back looking for your pen?

[Footsteps]

[Phone rings]

Hey.

Hey, where did you go?

I went to leave and clear my head.

Right, so what are your thoughts on Walker?

That's him?

Yeah, he was an asshole for sure.

But what he said about nobody else having the right to hurt her, I mean, that rang true.

The guy knows how to fool people. He's been fucking fooling us for years.

Sure, I get that you're taking this personally, Carl, but let's try not to jump to conclusions.

I want to shine a light into all the cracks of this guy's life, yeah?

Yeah, of course. Got it.

I've got to go. I've got Sarah on the other line. I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah, okay. See you soon. Bye.

Hey, honey.

Hi, where are you? I thought you'd be home by now, Carl.

Yeah, I'm leaving now.

Oh, no.

Yeah, no, it's a lot later than I thought.

Okay, hurry up.

Yeah, okay. I shouldn't be too far away.

Kids still up?

Yeah, they're in the bath.

Yeah.

Love you.

Love you too, Detective Carl.

[Door slams]

A lot of cops would have come through the house the night Daniela died.

I need to let this copycat know that I'm onto them, flush them out, make them sweat.

And I know just what message to send.

[Car horn]

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[♪♪♪]

The beautiful Laura.

I don't like bringing forward the end of our relationship like this.

Especially when getting to know you is half the fun.

You're going to be the shortest relationship I've ever had.

But right now, you need to help me out with the copycat.

[♪♪♪]

Convenient.

You're always so considerate, Laura.

Oh, you're in the shower.

Classic Laura.

[♪♪♪]

Do I kill her here and dump her body at the Walker house?

Or would it be easier to take her there and then kill her?

Decisions, decisions.

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Who the fuck are you?

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(whooshing)

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