Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver

VENICE CALLING

Ok, that's no surprise.

Who can help Theo?

Great solidarity!

Ok, Emile. You try.

No...

You'd prefer detention?

Hurry up.

All right!

It's not rocket science.

Jeez!

Here's the shitty little creep.

Want your ball?

Fetch!

Why an "E"?

So I recognize it.

Cos my name's...

E...Emile.

Ok. Bye, E...Emile.

I'm Pauline.

You're busted, lover boy.

No way, no one's busted.

Lend me your phone.

If she wants your digits, you're screwed.

Your mom's here!

No way! What a drag!

Why're you here?

I made a gluten-free cake and brought you a piece.

I'm not in kindergarten!

What's that?

It's not mine, it's Jerem's.

I tasted it.

You're a big eater.

Yeah, wild.

That's full of palm oil.

It costs a bomb.

You pay to be poisoned.

Here.

I have work.

What a nightmare.

- See my life? - Yeah, ugly.

Mom's like maths. With her, the problems multiply.

I know a new theorem now.

The theorem of Pauline and the ping-pong ball.

Pauline hands you a ball

in the afternoon,

you spend the evening looking at photos of her on the Net.

You can't fight it, it's mathematical.

There's one problem I couldn't solve.

How can a girl like her take an interest in me,

with my bedroom in the neighbour's garage,

cos I don't have a house?

Hello.

Hello, Emile.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, son.

I'm tuning my energy with the rising sun.

It feels so good!

Try it.

People already think we're the Gipsy Kings...

You'll see.

When we have the best house on the street,

they'll eat from your hand.

Talking of hands...

I'll pass you the bird's tail...

Take it from me.

No, it'll only shit on me.

I'll take it back.

Hi, Mom.

Here.

Enjoy, sweetheart.

Take Omega 3 while I do your beetroot juice.

Why is the gross stuff

best for your health?

That's life.

The price you pay.

Here,

look at this.

Here you go... Mobile phone waves.

If you want a tumour at 20...

It won't happen to us all.

Some are spared.

But don't be surprised if you end up with a golf-ball-sized tumour!

You'll catch your death!

Far from it. I'll live to be 100.

In Japan, on Okinawa, they bathe in frozen lakes.

St Exupéry said, "Man discovers his worth

in adversity."

Try discovering the shower.

And be tidy for once.

Damn this caravan.

You'll miss our bohemian life.

- I don't think so. - I do.

We'll do your dye before homework.

Your roots are showing.

Mom has dyed me blond every month since I was seven.

What's up with you? You moan all the time.

We can stop if you want.

But it would be a pity.

We can't do it all my life.

Either you're naturally handsome, and that's rare,

or you optimize your capital.

- Six minutes. - Eight.

It needs time to work.

I love it!

Go back. I love this one.

Shall we dance?

You can't dance to that.

Forget the music,

let the body rejoice.

I won't rejoice much this morning.

You're a queen.

Queen of fools.

No, my queen.

There.

David Guetta.

I'd prefer Brad Pitt.

You're blonder?

No, rubbish.

You are, you're blonder.

You're blonder!

Shut your mouth!

Mom!

What happened?

Thank you.

Sorry, Marie-France. It won't happen again.

Emile will apologize to Alicia.

I barely touched her. She dissed me.

Apologize to Alicia.

Sorry.

She's smart. We lighten his hair.

It suits him.

But he hates it.

You're a drag! I don't believe it!

Chill. Relax, kiddo!

Marie-France can keep a secret.

Right? She's like family.

Yes, don't worry.

He's right, it suits you.

I told you so.

I'm lucky.

I'm naturally handsome.

I'm different.

Women seem to like me.

Life's full of mystery.

Women like me, what can I do?

You have a real beauty

with Alicia.

Thank you.

Runs in the family.

Did you ask the mayor about my building permit?

Yes, but there's no news.

I'd have said.

You'll manage to pull strings.

I'm trying.

It's not easy.

Of course.

My mom talked about phone waves. Does your head ache?

Right away, if it's my mom.

Hi, Emile.

Hi.

When can we play ping-pong?

When you want.

Ready?

Shit...

You're a disaster!

He's better at maths.

He is?

I'm really bad.

Want some help?

You bet.

Saturday afternoon, my place?

I'll work it out.

Why spin her the "I'll work it out" line?

You're bored stiff on Saturdays.

My dad says make a girl think you're busy.

You listen to him?

Not always.

It's not all good.

What's up?

The town hall has pre-empted the land.

Your dad's working and can't answer.

It's him!

Don't worry, baby.

It'll work out.

We'll manage.

I paid deposits to the mason, plumber, roofer...

No salesmen allowed.

I'm not a salesman. I'm a security system consultant.

Armoured doors, video-surveillance...

Same difference.

It's the same.

Yes, Chamodot.

I'm expected.

We could lose the lot!

We'll manage.

We'll manage like always.

Give me a minute.

Don't hang up.

Bernard Chamodot, security consultant...

I'm not interested.

Impossible isn't Chamodot!

Stop it! I'm going frantic!

I can't live here forever.

It's ok.

Dad says we'll build the house.

Impossible isn't Chamodot!

You believe that crap?

Of course I do.

This is fine, Mom.

Drop me here.

I'll take you to the gate.

No, this is fine.

Be by the tree in 90 minutes.

I'm not your dog.

That's not what I meant...

The carrot cake!

Don't turn up empty-handed.

Ok.

See you.

Oh, come on!

- Go! - Ok!

Yes?

Hello, I'm here to see Pauline.

You're Emile.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll tell Pauline.

Go around the back. Could you take your shoes off?

Of course, ma'am.

Come in, I'm in the kitchen.

I'll take my shoes off.

Shit!

Pain in the ass...

Barefoot?

Yes.

Put your socks on. You'll catch a chill.

I don't wear them.

I lived in Africa.

I love Africa.

Where were you?

Well, in... South Africa.

Despite being abolished,

apartheid lives on. Was it tough?

No, it was ok.

It's matcha, it's good.

You don't have to drink it.

I like it.

- Your mom seems cool. - She's a drag.

She pops pills all day long.

Dad's never around.

He's abroad, conducting.

You play the harp?

Yeah, but I'm more into soul, funk and rap.

But Dad only notices me when I play.

Will you play for me?

Just a few notes.

I hate being watched.

Ok, I understand.

I have an idea.

A few notes.

Beautiful.

Want to come to a concert this summer?

Sure. Where?

Italy. Venice.

Great.

We can put you up too.

I'll see if I can make it.

Factor in 35 plus 9x equals zero.

So x equals...

Emile, your mom's at the gate.

I'm here!

You're early!

I'm not a clock!

Would you like to come in?

No! We have to be going.

Goodbye.

- Your shoes... - Right.

Thank you.

Don't move, Mom!

I don't know what you said but he ran off.

Rubbish.

Look.

Just like your dad.

Why couldn't I come in?

- You're ashamed of me? - No.

Not my best look but I'm ok. It's not a beauty pageant.

You're beautiful...

I'm not stupid, ok!

Which pizza, honey?

A Margherita.

Right...

Margherita?

Yes.

Tres Margherita e un picado.

Certo.

Sorry?

Certo.

It's Italian.

It means "sure".

I know what it means.

But, if I may,

you have a slight accent.

An Italian one.

Don't act smart.

Where are you from?

Let me guess.

Northern Italy?

Sicily?

Roma.

I recognized the Roman accent.

Gracias.

Prego.

Prego too.

So who's this girl who invited you to Venice?

Your girl?

You'd like her to be?

I'd be happy to have her as a friend.

Her parents' place...

We should meet them.

Yes, of course.

Or at least speak to them by phone.

Invited to Venice...

It's a big thing.

The train won't be cheap.

I know, but I'd love to go.

Ok, but...

Can we afford it?

Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.

I put a bit by to get my teeth done.

I can always postpone.

We could treat him.

But...

Will your teeth be ok?

I've known worse.

You agree then?

Are you stupid? You know I never beat about the bush.

I have a better idea.

We'll all go to Venice.

Mom dreams of it.

Seriously?

You bet.

A honeymoon 20 years late!

I know.

Not pleased?

I am.

But trucks on the road make Mom freak out.

It's ok, I'll control myself.

The crash was 15 years ago.

It's time I got over it.

Bravo.

- It'll cost a bomb. - No.

That's my great idea.

Opposite Venice,

there's a cheap campsite. We'll all go

with our caravan.

Of course!

The caravan?

What a brainwave!

She wanted me to call her Venice

Imagine me in a striped shirt, singing a gondolier's soppy song

Paddling for a simple cherry

For a kiss. She wanted me to call her Venice. What a weird idea

What a weird idea

Pauline...

- Pauline, wait. - Yes?

I can come to Venice. I have family there.

It's simpler.

Awesome!

When's the concert?

The first Sunday at 4 pm.

Will you be there?

Certo.

You speak Italian?

Ma che si!

Great. What else can you say?

So that's it. Good accent though.

See you, Emile.

I'll go via Cremona...

A stop there.

Use your phone's satnav.

Satnav? You're joking. Never!

A woman always saying

what direction to take...

Some call it progress, I call it slavery!

I'm not some dog taking orders.

No, I'm a free man.

This map will get us there.

Here you go.

To get used to Italian culture.

We've been used to it a while.

Yes?

Fabrice?

Why're you here?

Unplanned leave.

You hit a cook?

No, I didn't hit a cook, ok!

You have to yell at each other?

Don't talk to Mom like that.

Did you argue with the chef?

I didn't. Get off my back.

Lukewarm. No microwave?

Microwaves irradiate food.

You're really sick.

We'll see who's sickest in 20 years.

You picked a bad time. We leave tomorrow for Venice.

I'm taking Mom to see Tintoretto's masterpieces.

Come if you're free.

So you'll argue all the way?

We won't.

Maybe Fabrice doesn't care about Tintoretto.

No, not really.

Some culture would do you good.

Drop me in Lyon.

Ok, that's on our route.

Good night.

Shirley, it's Fabrice, booty call in Lyon tomorrow.

Call me.

Put 'em up!

- Not again. - Put 'em up!

Parry!

Higher.

The foot now.

- Jesus! - Parry, I said.

- You drag! - I hurt you?

- Yes. - Good.

Sleeping with me?

- I have to. - Cool.

My Venice idea is a good one.

It was more or less your last chance.

What d'you mean by that?

You'd leave me?

Cut it out.

You can't live without me.

It's not the life you promised me.

That's true.

It hasn't gone as planned.

You can say that again.

I know.

I haven't said my final word.

Words...

Talk...

You're an expert at that.

Wake up, it's time.

We have to go.

Come on.

Fabrice!

Well?

All right, I'm here.

- Chill. - Take your time!

What a slowcoach.

You drag.

Give me a break.

Come on, drive.

Bernard's playlist

Dad, we're sleeping.

Cut it out.

A bird doesn't sing cos it's happy. Singing makes it happy!

Weird bird.

I'm happy so I sing.

Come on, we're on holiday!

- What's up? - Just a sec.

Who's that?

Vijay?

That's right.

How do you do.

Bernard.

Meet Vijay.

Hello.

A bit of car-sharing

to balance costs.

Vijay has a job interview in Mâcon.

- Right? - Yes.

Wasn't it four in the car?

One's getting out in Lyon.

I'll be gone. Mâcon is before Lyon.

It depends on the route you take.

Let's go!

Let's hit the road!

Mâcon is before Lyon?

Isn't it a big detour?

All roads lead to Rome.

And Venice is nearby.

Look out!

Bernard! The truck!

The damn truck!

Bernard!

It's illegal!

- Calm down. - Illegal!

It's ok.

Hold on, I don't feel well.

We're going to stop. Just breathe.

For God's sake!

Ok, honey?

I may not make it.

If it's too tough, we can always turn back.

But...

Not at all, Dad.

What?

Gracias is Spanish, not Italian.

It's the same word in Italian.

No, it's grazie.

Say gracias to an Italian

and he'll know you're thanking him.

If he speaks Spanish.

Always too proud to admit defeat!

Enough of this.

What's merci in your mother tongue?

Merci.

Right...

Are you...

100% French?

Dad was Indian and Mom French. So my mother tongue...

Stop there. It's good to be precise.

"Was"... Are your parents deceased?

An earthquake when I was ten.

Ten?

Right.

Let's go.

I'll be ok.

Get back in the saddle after a fall.

An egg? I pinched some mayonnaise.

Once a thief...

- An egg, Vijay? - I'm ok.

Hello.

- Vacation vouchers? - Sorry, no.

You don't take them?

- Not anymore. - How come?

It's not my decision.

How about a little personal initiative?

You could say, "I'll take vouchers today."

I'd get fired.

Right...

I understand, but...

Would it matter?

You can't stay in that booth forever.

It can't be easy.

All these happy holidaymakers.

And you're stuck there.

I'm lucky I haven't been replaced by a robot.

Just a second!

Try luncheon vouchers...

Luncheon vouchers?

No, cash or plastic. Sorry.

All right, never mind.

Well, sir,

we'll carry on later.

Lay off the honking!

- It's a free world! - Some people...

I agree.

So rude!

Thank you. Goodbye.

We'll roast to death!

The engine is overheating.

A mechanic gave me this tip.

The heat on full cools the engine.

Bullshit.

I read that on the Net too.

Will the car make it, Dad?

Sure, with a little care.

I can take over.

You lost your licence.

Aren't we a family of thieves?

No wonder you were a school dropout.

Screw you.

Don't be rude!

- What did he say? - Nothing...

Watch it.

Just watch it.

- I'm hot! - Hands off.

Look out! Shit, a truck!

Without your fit, we'd have blown a hose.

I've met people who can drop me in Mâcon.

Too bad. It'll soon start.

I'll validate payment all the same.

Promise?

Ok then, see you soon, Vijay.

You're a great guy.

Safe travels.

Good luck for the job.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Wish we could come too.

An imperfect family is better than no family.

I'm not so sure.

Vijay!

Put a nice comment on the site!

Tell your Indian pals.

Jesus...

These highway eateries...

They don't double-fry them.

It makes for soft fries.

- Wine? - I'm driving.

Don't tell him...

Shirley, it's hell right now.

I don't know where to kip tonight!

Shirley...

Shit.

Has she had a drop too much?

Come on, drive, we're running late.

If I don't take care of the car, you won't go anywhere.

Where do I drop you?

Not Lyon anymore. Drive.

This'll be fun.

Lower the heat or open the windows.

No, the car might explode.

I'll get soaked.

The heat will kill us.

Not necessarily.

Hello. Do luncheon vouchers work?

No.

No more trucks.

No.

My head's killing me.

We'll stop for the night.

The concert's at 4 PM tomorrow.

So?

We're in Italy now.

We set off early and reach Venice by noon.

This whole trip's for him?

No.

Not at all.

It doesn't all revolve around him.

- Where do we sleep? - Leave it to me.

This looks good.

Dad, I think wild camping is banned.

Some petty politician won't tell me what to do

with laws to piss people off.

To Venice!

- And to life. - To life.

You see, son...

The Chamodots have their star.

That one.

It's beautiful.

It changes every time.

No, you're mistaken.

It's cos the stars move.

Yep, kiddo.

They're asleep.

Let's go into town.

You're nuts. You lost your licence.

I can still drive, dummy.

Dad's right, you're a scaredy-cat.

Not at all.

I'm not scared.

Come on, push!

I am pushing!

Tell me...

How d'you know a girl likes you?

Try talking to her.

If she ignores you, drop it.

What if we're friends?

Oh, wow, you're in deep shit.

Never friends with a girl.

Never!

Show her it's sex right away,

or goodbye, forget about me.

So it's screwed?

Try swapping spit and you'll see.

Swapping spit?

I don't know...

C'mon, table soccer.

Cool.

Goal! You're useless.

I need a smoke.

Good evening.

Meet Natacha.

Hi.

- I'll get my bag. - Ok.

- She's staying with us? - Yeah, she's in the shit.

I don't think we'll sleep much.

It's been half an hour!

She's ready.

What?

She wants you too.

No kidding?

No.

She's waiting.

I can't. I have Pauline.

You're together?

No, just friends.

So you're free.

You're a virgin?

No.

Really? You've already...

No.

So, you're a virgin.

I guess.

It's normal to freak out.

No, it's not that. I'd just like my first time

to be with a girl I have feelings for.

That's a terrible idea.

Practice with a stranger

or you'll bomb with the one you love.

Go ahead, she's waiting.

Thank me later.

No, I can't.

Idiot.

I'm a romantic.

Exactly, an idiot.

She wasn't waiting!

No.

You believed me?

You're a little perv.

A little perv who believes in Santa.

Bastard!

C'mon...

What's up?

Just checking the time.

Sure it was just the time?

Yes...

Go to sleep now, kitten.

Who's throwing stones?

Was it you?

Look what you've done!

No, we're doing a report!

This is private property.

Campers go.

I'll go, yes, to Venice.

After my breakfast!

It may not be Italian coffee, but we'll drink it.

A Chamodot breakfast is sacred!

Your beetroot juice.

Look over there.

We're in trouble.

Quick.

They'll set the cops on us.

Shit...

Come on, hurry.

Who's that?

I'll explain.

Delighted, miss.

See to this.

Speed up!

I can't, too many potholes.

What do you do, Natacha?

I was woofing on a permaculture farm.

It was cool,

but, behind the group thing,

the boss was a dictator.

I snapped yesterday and took off.

- To see what I'd find. - Us!

I guess she wasn't looking for us.

Not too cramped back there?

We're ok. Emile likes to have an eye on Natacha.

Right, Emile?

No, what a drag!

Remember Nietzsche?

Screw Nietzsche.

"Life without music is a mistake."

That crap isn't a mistake?

Meet the psychos.

All together now!

- Know it, Natacha? - No.

Your roots are weird.

You dye it?

No...

I was blond too as a kid. Like sunshine.

Actually,

we lighten it.

That's right.

You dye his hair?

He asks us to.

You ask them to?

I'm better looking.

Your idea?

No, Bernard's.

Fabrice too?

They never cared that much.

Fabrice was far too dark. And naturally handsome.

Just stay out of it!

You'll see when you have kids!

Ok...

I won't play dolls with them.

You're so mistaken!

I've read loads about child-raising.

We're not winging it here.

It's all thought out. Right, hon?

You're handsome.

What's that? Brake!

Brake, Bernard!

Calm down.

Well?

See for yourself. It's a flat, period.

One of those golf course potholes.

- Call highway rescue. - No way.

I have a repair aerosol.

Will it get us to Venice?

No, just to the next service station.

We'll wait while they mend it.

I'll miss my concert!

You and your damn concert!

We're a tyre short!

Try thinking of others!

Think of others for once, dammit!

Don't get so upset.

Get on.

You stole that?

Borrowed it. Don't you have a date in Venice?

Gimme a second.

Get my jacket!

Move it!

- We've got a bike. - What bike?

Whose bike is that?

Excuse me.

Have you seen my bike?

No.

They took my helmet and keys while I peed.

I never saw a thing.

Did you pee long?

I needed to go. Why?

You have a small bladder like me.

Careful...

A small bladder, not a small penis. Far from it.

You look well endowed.

The thing is, you tend

to pee more often than others. Like me.

I asked a doctor...

My wife Annie.

No solution.

- It's a pain. - Shit.

So we pee a lot.

He's like an abandoned dog.

Let's take him.

Sure?

We'll spin him a line or two and things will be fine.

Going to Venice?

- Get in. - Thanks.

Going alone?

Yes.

I just split up with my girl, but I'm going anyway.

Venice alone is no good!

No.

Our kids are there.

They came by train.

Let's go.

Here...

Ok, this way.

That bridge.

Shit, where are we?

It's a real maze.

Come on.

Left now.

That's it.

- Shit! - No!

That's the stage door.

Let's find a way round.

Five minutes to go, no time. Here.

- What? - Thanks.

What're you doing?

Impossible isn't Chamodot!

That's my brother!

7:30 at St Mark's bell tower.

Have a blast!

Do you speak French?

Emile Chamodot. On the list.

My name? Emile Chamodot.

I have to see this concert.

Please.

I know Pauline Després.

Pauline Després.

Pauline!

Girls are too much.

She forgot I was coming. The stress, I guess.

After you come this far?

Forget her too if she's too dumb to care.

There's a campsite?

Next to the factory.

Seriously?

The dark side of Venice.

Look who's here!

Well?

Isn't this nice?

It's on a flight path.

The only flaw.

With the factory.

It stinks, but it's quiet.

Meet Jean-Michel.

His motorbike was stolen in a rest area.

The bastards...

You said it.

So your mom and I decided

to help him.

Very kind.

He doesn't know Italian so I spoke to the polithia.

That's good.

We'll find your bike.

That'd be a miracle.

No, think positive.

- Positive. - Yes.

You never know.

Emile, how was the concert?

It was great.

The tent's yours. We rented a trailer.

Cool.

He's a lucky one!

But others...

Right.

Emile!

Surprise.

What is it? A present?

Lotion for your hair.

A top Italian brand, only found here.

Tinta naturale.

We're good for a year now.

Thanks.

Listen...

You are better looking that way.

But if you want to stop, fine.

After buying a whole box?

Your dad is full...

of contradictions.

I noticed.

What's going on?

Do you have her number?

I can't call her this late.

Love has one rule.

Daring,

more daring,

nothing but daring, son.

The thing is...

This isn't love, just friendship.

Yes.

But the rule's the same.

Go on...

Give her a call.

It'll cost a bomb.

The roaming charges...

That's true.

Know what?

Use a phone booth. It's better.

Pauline, it's Emile.

Sorry, it’s late.

How are you?

I'm in Venice.

You saw the concert?

Yeah.

Wild. You liked it?

Yes, it was awesome.

I waited for you after.

Sorry,

we took the stage door.

I fought with Dad. It was hell.

He said I played like shit.

No, you were awesome.

Maybe not.

Are you free tomorrow?

Yes, I can work something out.

Want to come over at 5 PM?

3, Calle San Barnaba.

Ring at Donadoni.

You'll remember?

Yes, don't worry.

You're at your cousins'?

Yeah.

Where?

Across the lagoon. Ten minutes by boat.

What's it called?

Fusina.

See you tomorrow.

Take care.

You too.

Emile!

Emile, wake up!

Big news!

I'm trying to sleep.

Emile, you won't believe it. Open up!

This is amazing.

First thing,

I went for a dip.

Wasn't it freezing?

Chilly, but that's not my big news.

I invented a new stroke.

A stroke?

Do you realize?

Maybe not.

A stroke that's...

gentle...

very relaxing, almost motionless.

Very pleasant.

That's why you woke me?

Imagine the money

to be made from it.

The breaststroke's inventor is a billionaire?

Not if he didn't patent it.

Know what I've called it?

Go on.

The oyster.

The oyster?

Oysters don't swim.

Do butterflies swim?

I'm going back to sleep.

Honey, I've invented a stroke!

Shit...

Shit...

Bernard! Annie!

My bike's back!

We know. The police came first thing.

We signed for you.

And nothing's missing.

That's crazy.

Totally crazy.

Thing positive, the Americans say.

And they dominate the world.

True.

Have a seat!

What'll you do now?

Why don't you call your girl?

Good idea!

Maybe. The bike's no replacement.

No.

You're a surprising family.

Yes, apparently.

True.

A photo of you both? Sure.

There.

There.

Move in closer.

Smile!

Send it to me.

Send.

Let's go.

Exchange...

You, gondola...

I give...

Alarm. Security.

Show him the big one.

Very good model.

Paris.

Big lock.

Emile.

Come on up.

Coming.

For tonight's ball. Like it?

Really pretty.

Come in.

Let's find you something.

Really?

Come and see.

Here, try this.

Use the bedroom.

- You think so? - You bet.

Harlequin's a bohemian. I love that.

Hello, Emile.

Hello, sir.

Come closer, don't be shy.

You were at the concert?

It was magnificent.

You're not fussy.

You're at school with Pauline?

Yes, sir.

What do your parents do?

My mother delivers baskets of organic vegetables

and my father runs a small lock company.

He mostly sells door to door.

A salesman, you mean?

These days? How amusing.

No, it's not amusing.

It must be tough.

Must you contradict me?

Must you pester this poor boy?

My brooch!

I'm not pestering him.

Where do you live?

Impasse des Marronniers.

Impasse des Marronniers? Where the Roma live?

No, not really.

There's just one caravan.

My house is next to it.

Invite me over one day?

Dad, help with my dress.

One caravan, they're not Roma.

Dad, come on, please.

It's terrible.

People still live that way...

Coming, sweetheart.

Dad will be back from Venice soon.

I love you, Mom.

I love you too,

but let the lady finish my hair.

Was it fun with your friend?

I guess.

We should've redone your roots.

Well?

You overdid it a bit.

Make your mind up.

You should've let me do it.

Dinner's ready. Come and get it!

Que bonita!

You look lovely.

Thank you.

Emile, come and get some pizza!

No, I don't want to see anyone.

Too bad for you.

Good evening.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I'm Pauline Després.

Do you know Emile Chamodot?

Do we know Emile Chamodot?

Someone for you.

Say I'm not here.

No, I won't.

Come out when you want.

I'm not here.

You really don't want some?

I'm not hungry.

- You'll upset me. - He hates us saying no.

- True. - Just a bit then.

With some rosé to wash it down.

It's lovely to meet you.

- Emile's told us all about you. - He has?

Yes.

I can't say as much about you.

You're his cousins...

No.

No, we're not his cousins.

We're his parents.

- His parents? - Yes.

Yes, sorry, that's right.

Weren't you with him earlier?

I was, but he vanished.

He mentioned Fusina.

I spoke to our janitor and he brought me.

I asked for Chamodot at the campsite reception.

I should've fallen for an idiot who wouldn't find me.

She came all this way for you, ok.

It's the end of the world for me.

Let's go to the camp dance.

I bet Emile will join us.

What's going on?

She's pretty hot.

Look at my mug.

Screw that. Come on.

Hi.

You were in the shower?

Yeah.

Your parents are too much. Your dad's ace.

I'd love a family like yours.

What?

Believe me, you wouldn't.

I would.

They seem so in love.

Why did you leave?

Cos of my dad?

No, it was nothing. Don't worry.

Want to dance?

Can't you leave me alone?

What are you doing here? Let's go.

Let's go!

Good evening.

I'm Emile's dad.

Your daughter's perfectly safe here.

Relax and have fun. The DJ's great.

Thanks, but not now. Let's go.

As our kids are friends, we'll meet again.

They won't be friends long.

Goodbye.

You're hurting me!

Move!

Tell me, Emile...

why did you say we were your cousins?

You're ashamed? We don't suit you as parents?

I don't suit you as a son!

What do you mean?

You keep dyeing my hair!

And yes, I'm ashamed!

All the time. Of living in a caravan,

of being a bottle blond, of not having a phone,

of not being a normal family!

A normal family? No such thing!

Get that straight!

Not everyone's as nuts as you!

Never say that again!

Give me another! Go ahead!

Is that in your child-raising books?

Watch it. If I hit you...

Make your day!

I'm sick of it all!

Bernard, let's go to bed.

And take your crap lotion!

I'm sick of this shit!

Sick of it!

Never say I look better like this!

Never say it again!

Never again!

Hi.

Hungry?

It's ok, I had a big breakfast.

Leaving with us?

No, I'm staying.

They need a waitress. The boss is trying me out.

I start tomorrow.

Cool.

I'm pleased.

Pleased, but sad too.

I always get that.

- Best of luck. - Thank you.

Natacha...

"Leaving is dying a little."

"And dying is leaving for good".

Take care, Natacha.

Kitten...

Take care.

Why don't you stay?

I left without telling the restaurant.

I have to go if I want to be a cook.

My chef will rip me a new one anyway.

Know what?

I'll go with you to see your chef.

Seriously?

Never been more serious.

You'll do an extra 300 km for my sake?

300 more, 300 less,

what difference will it make?

Vijay left a message and a comment.

I like that Indian.

Unforgettable. Impossible isn't Chamodot!

All together!

Is this a good time?

There's no good or bad time.

If you wait, the good time never arrives.

Bravo, Mom!

Come on, guys. After me...

Bravo!

School started today.

I didn't hear from Pauline all summer.

When I called, her dad answered.

She isn't on social networks either.

Dude, how goes it?

- Good summer? - Yeah.

I did zip.

As usual.

Yeah.

Excuse me...

Watch out.

Isn't the family here?

No, kid, they've left. They'll be in London by now.

London?

London?

Honey?

Does the Eurostar take caravans?

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull