Original subtitles

"Merciful God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

"who is the resurrection and the life,

"in whom whosoever believeth shall live, though he die."

(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

(ALL SHOUTING ANGRILY)

Let's see your rifles in the air or I'll put them up you!

(OFFICERS SHOUTING ORDERS)

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.

(OFFICERS SHOUTING ORDERS)

OFFICER: Come on, Come on!

Both arms above your head!

Come on, straighten those bloody arms!

Come on, you filth!

What's the matter with you? You look like a lot of bloody girls!

OFFICER 2: Keep it up!

OFFICER 1: What's the matter? You got sand in your boots?

OFFICER 2: Keep jumping in the second row!

OFFICER 1: Come on, you filth! Straighten up those arms!

On the double!

Come on, you bastards!

OFFICER: Come on!

OFFICER: Get that slimy little...

Get on your feet!

You pathetic bugger!

Get him out of my sight! Get rid of that bastard!

Keep on going!

Get up, get up, you bastard!

Bloody mummy's boy.

Get up, you snivelling little bastard! Get him on top!

What do you think you're on?

Both arms above your head!

Come on, straighten those bloody arms!

Percy Toplis? It is, isn't it?

Depends who wants to know.

- Hellfire Corner. - Autumn of '15.

Bloody hell. Well, I never!

So, what have you been up to, Perce?

- Oh, not much. - Get away with you, man.

Come on. It's nearly two years.

A rum bugger like you have done a lot more than nowt much.

Almost went to Mesopotamia.

The boat got stopped at Malta when we got beaten to shit in Mesopotamia,

spent some time in Malta,

came back, went absent,

got caught, sent here.

See me wound stripe? Got a blighty one.

Bullet nicked a lung.

They had to send me home.

They say I'm all right now. More's the pity, eh?

Those were good times we had back then.

And we all miss you, you know, you and the Cockney.

The bloody tricks you two got up to.

Aye, it wasn't the same after you left.

- And Jimmy... - Jim's dead.

Missing the bastard won't bring him back.

Christ, Perce, you and him were thick as thieves, man.

Yeah, but we're not any more, are we?

Do you want this?

Get up!

OFFICER: Hurry up, you buggers!

Come on, let's go.

Mummy's waiting for you!

(OFFICERS SHOUTING)

Right turn!

OFFICER 1: Platoon will advance. Quick march!

OFFICER 2: Ready, hut!

Left, left, left, right, left!

OFFICER 1: Run, you bugger! Pick your feet up! Move!

Run, come on!

OFFICER 2: Come on, then!

Stay away, you lads. Stay away.

OFFICER: Get back there, you mob.

- Hey, what's going on? - SOLDIER: Ah, bugger off.

(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) No sweat, mate. We'll soon have you free.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Bugger off, bobby.

We're taking the blokes for a drink.

Sarge!

We got trouble out here, Sarge.

(LAUGHING)

You'd think the man had been drinking all day.

SOLDIER: Over there, over there.

What have we here, then?

I don't fancy them.

They don't know what fear is, that crowd.

If they come near me they will. I hate Australians.

Best turn a blind eye, Reeve. They go out to the line today.

And where they're going, they won't be coming back.

Oh, Christ!

It's all right for Strawn or Strachan or whatever his bloody name is.

Come on.

You, men! What do you think you're doing?

What's it to you, fat man?

- Stop that now. - Pardon?

Sorry, mate.

Tie these men back to the posts. Now.

Tie them yourself, you put them there.

Here, you tommy woodbine bastard.

You crucify him.

- You should not have done that. - Why?

What are you going to do, trench dodger?

Nobody calls me that!

It's not worth it, you blokes.

- Ten... - ALL: Nine, eight, seven, six, five...

- Trench dodger. ...four, three, two, one.

- Hold him down. - Pommy bastards.

Get stuck in, fellas.

Gentlemen, I think this needs some sorting out.

Hold his hand, he's got a bloody gun, mate.

Damned Australians.

Wild, bad-mannered, ill-disciplined rabble.

And that's just the officers.

(CHUCKLES)

Trouble with the Australians, apart from their criminal heritage

and natural offensiveness,

is quite simply that they have no death penalty.

GHQ knows, Haig knows, everyone knows, yet nothing is done about it.

- Anyway, they've been... - You cannot win a war

without controlling your troops.

And what control can you have, ultimately, without the death penalty?

Yes, indeed.

And it's all very well people telling me how brave they are in battle...

Anyway, they've been attended to by some of my more accomplished men.

But don't worry, their arrival at the front will not be delayed.

You're looking tired, Andrew.

Are you messing out anywhere special tonight?

Somewhere, I suppose.

Guiness knows. Good man, Guiness. He'll tell me.

Yes. Yes, well, I suppose I'd better go and...

Yes. I might take a short nap myself.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Come in.

Ah, Guiness.

Arrivals, sir. New drafts for the front line, sir.

And if I may remind you, sir, Lady Angela Forbes

is still waiting in the outer office.

Oh, good Lord, I completely...

Better show the good lady in.

Another sermon, I expect, Andrew?

I'll leave you to it.

Ah, Lady Angela.

Very important discussion, matters of great importance. I...

Please, do take a seat. I'm terribly sorry.

I'll just see Strachan out.

(LAUGHING)

You wear this road out, I'll buy you all a new one!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

BOY: Hey, wait for me.

Hey, wait for me, wait for me.

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

BOY: Wait for me.

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Move it in. And you, come on, keep in file!

Get in! Get in there! Move it in!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left!

Platoon, halt!

(SOLDIERS IMITATING SHEEP)

OFFICER: Quiet in the ranks there!

Quiet!

(SOLDIERS IMITATING SHEEP)

Shut up!

Keep it down, will you!

- Shut up! - Shut up, you swine!

Get in line.

- Come on, come on. - Go on!

PERCY: A trench?

You want a pigging trench on a pigging beach?

Has no one ever told them what happens to pigging sandcastles?

(MUTTERING)

Those bastard Canaries have never seen a pigging trench.

This is stupid!

What happens after we've done this, eh?

We go over the top, into no man's water.

Hey, you lot, what do you think you're doing?

You, I'm talking to you.

- BOTH: Sergeant? - Not you, him.

BOTH: Sorry, Sergeant.

You, Carrothead, I'm talking to you.

Tell me, what are you doing?

We're, like, putting sandbags in this trench, Sergeant.

To fortify against attacks, Sergeant.

What kind of attack?

Well, Sarge... Sorry, Sarge.

What kind of attack?

Waves, Sergeant.

They said they'd be coming in waves.

I've just seen the joke, Sergeant. Waves.

It wasn't a joke.

Oh, I see. Sorry, Sergeant.

You will be, son,

because you and your cronies will pick those sandbags up

and you will retire 20 yards to the rear

where you will have noticed that the sand is dry.

Now get up and get moving!

Now, move it! Move it, you arseholes, move it!

- SOLDIER: Bastard! - Get up and get going.

OFFICER: Up the high board, ready!

Now stick it in them and go!

Come on, move it.

Go!

Go!

Move those lazy backsides. Come on, get in there.

Come on, move yourselves.

Come on, move it!

Move it! Move!

Anybody lagging behind, there's going to be trouble!

Straight through. Come on, straight through. Get yourselves wet!

- Come on, get it in there. - Come on, move it. Get up, come on.

Get up! Come on! Come on!

Get that rifle out of the sand!

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

Move it, move it!

Leave the fallen behind, lads! He's not a handbag, he's a liability!

Come on, call yourself a soldier?

You skinny little runt! Didn't they feed you at home?

Your mother too busy, was she?

You didn't like that, did you? You don't have to!

Take it out on Fritz over there and stick it in him.

Imagine he's done it to your mother!

He would if he could! Stick it in!

(YELLING)

Kill him!

Faster, faster, you Red Cross bastard!

Get up there and stick it in him!

Get up! Get up!

I'm a medic, Sarge. I'm not infantry. I've just come out of hospital.

Another bloody malingerer?

That's not a walking stick, you useless bugger.

It's a rifle and now it's got a fouled-up barrel.

Now, get up and get going

or I'll crucify you to a post to eternity!

Now there is one fat, juicy Fritz!

Run at him! Scream at him!

Come on, move it. Tear his heart out and kill him!

- Kill him, kill him! - Come on, move it!

Get up there and stick it in him! Come on, kill him!

Frigging hell, what's the good of shoving it there?

You want to take his life, not his voice.

A spot of crucifixion for you, sonny.

Oh, no, play fair, men.

Don't put him on a charge. We give him another chance.

All right, Sarge. In fact, we give him lots of chances.

Back on your feet.

You and all your mates,

back to the beginning.

Now!

PERCY: What do you write home after today?

Nothing, they wouldn't pigging well believe you.

What a bad war it is here.

I'm going to kill that bastard Canary before we leave.

(SOLDIERS COUGHING)

Next.

He's putting Geordie in.

He's not going.

- Who says so? - I do.

Who are you?

Sergeant.

I thought we just told you he ain't going. He's not fit!

Oh, I see, a doctor in disguise, eh?

None of us wants him to go. He's ill.

Any fool can see that.

Anybody else share those views?

Well, let's see if I can't change your minds for you.

(GRUNTING)

You were saying, gentlemen?

Next.

Thanks for your support, lads.

That's not the way.

You don't play fair with those bastards.

You play the game the way they play it,

without any rules.

GUINESS: Lady Angela Forbes.

Before we commence I'd prefer Strachan to leave the room.

Thank you, Captain Strachan.

Lady Angela, Assistant Provost Marshal Strachan...

Will you go, Captain, and take your penknife with you?

General?

I shall see you again soon enough, no doubt, Lady Angela,

here and there,

as we go our merry rounds.

Do please take a seat.

Cigarette, Lady Angela?

Perhaps a whisky and soda?

I rarely smoke in public, General, or indeed in private.

And I never drink before dinner, let alone luncheon, as you well know.

My apologies. You just seem a trifle flurried, ma'am.

Flurried? What a quaint word.

I'm not flurried, General, I'm downright bloody angry!

I trust that comment's been minuted, Matthews.

Including the profanity.

I'm so sorry, do continue.

I've just come from the bullring...

Training camp number one, Matthews, not bullring.

- Where I was forced to witness... - I don't think...

Where I had the opportunity to witness your so-called instructors

performing acts of humiliation and cruelty

usually associated with a minor inquisition. And I really...

Just one minute, Lady Angela.

We have investigated these complaints before.

You have, if you recall, corresponded with me on the subject

and then saw fit to communicate your ill-advised observations

not only to my superiors at General Headquarters,

but seemingly to half of London society.

Do we really need to waste any more

of your valuable time on these trivialities?

Your so-called instructors are one step away from being inhuman.

I train men to go into battle.

You serve tea at midday on the training ground.

I do not question the quality of your tea,

I've never once asked if it was Darjeeling or Ceylon.

The men feel that the only reason the Canaries behave...

Instructors, delete Canaries.

Would you care to delete my previous "bloody" as well?

I will have a cigarette, damn you!

D-A-M-N.

Well now, is there any other issue that I can assist you with, ma'am?

Very well, General, before I take this matter any further,

let me ask you again whether or not you intend to remove

Assistant Provost Marshal Strachan from this camp?

For what reason, Lady Angela?

Have you not seen how Strachan's military police

perform their duties in Etaples?

I know that every effort is made to keep discipline, ma'am.

I'm equally certain that Assistant Provost Marshal Strachan,

being responsible for the military police,

supervises with considerable success the maintenance of that discipline.

I would go as far as to say you're sitting on a powder keg.

Would you care to substantiate that ridiculous statement?

Certainly. Every day young men,

who will probably have to lay down their lives for their country,

are being treated like livestock instead of heroes,

either brutalised in the bullring by mindless thugs

or penned up like cattle in their depots,

not even allowed to visit the town,

while NCOs and officers come and go as they please.

When I complain about these appalling conditions, what happens?

Men, who stop to speak to me in confidence,

are followed and questioned by Strachan's military police.

They intercept my servants in the street

to enquire about the identity of my weekend guests.

Strachan follows me in his motorcar for no other reason

than to intimidate me,

and when I have the dubious pleasure of being in his company

he does nothing less than leer at me

while paring his fingernails with a penknife.

Oh, well, then of course the man must go.

Lady Angela, forgive me if I speak plainly.

I know that you know socially Lord Derby,

members of the Royal Family and generals of the War Office.

I acknowledge your easy popularity with the rank and file.

The fame of your charitable work goes before you,

but you are a civilian

and a woman to boot!

As usual, Thomson,

you're able to make a compliment sound like an insult.

The insult is, madam,

that you do not understand that this is the greatest conflict

that mankind has ever experienced.

That we must win this war or perish.

That my job is to train an army that can win this war

and what do they send me?

A rabble of wounded men and raw conscripts,

the dregs of our cities, and the scum of our shires

and our colonies!

I trust that that will be accurately minuted, Corporal.

SOLDIER: Oi, hang on, you sods.

# And all the time you knew it

# I guess you always knew

# You made me happy

# Sometimes you made me sad #

No, no, it's best when you pay.

You give the Madam Michelle 10 francs,

then she has no hold, no hold at all.

You just bury the red fellow and away you go, well satisfied.

The one I was with had nice eyes, Sarge.

She had big blue eyes.

- Are you being funny? - What, Sarge?

Nice eyes? I hate nice eyes.

Eh?

Baxter, isn't it? You little snot.

What's wrong with my eyes?

Nothing, nothing.

And I'm not Baxter, whoever he is.

We just met. No, I'm, er... I'm going this way.

I'll see you again, then.

I've got a nice nose.

No one ever talks about that.

(SINGING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

Franny?

- Who's right? - I'm in.

- I'm in. - What about Carrothead?

So where is he, then, Geordie?

All I know is they chucked him out of the pigging hospital.

Aye, what the doctor say? Coughing blood's good for you?

You know the rigmarole with the pigging doctors.

Bad teeth, Doctor.

I don't want you to eat the Germans, Private.

Consumption, Doctor.

Good, you can go spit at them, then.

But if he isn't in the hospital, where is he?

I expect he's gone to the seaside.

Got a bit of dirt there, Franny.

No, there.

I'll see you.

GEORDIE: All right, all right, so I'm a deserter.

You could see the state I was in.

There was no way I could take any more of that, man.

And that's how I met him.

So that's where you've been hiding yourself, is it?

Well, well, well.

Honest, Perce, I couldn't take any more. I'm not kidding.

It's a bloody paradise compared with here.

Have you two got anything to say for yourselves?

I have, he hasn't.

All right, all right, all right!

You lot should know by now, 8:00 and off you pop.

Lady Angela has a home to go to even if you don't.

And take the stink of rum with you.

Woe betide you if I catch you.

I met him in hospital the other day.

Queuing up for dinner.

They'd been at it three days, the pair of them.

- Lower your voice, will you? - Pass the bottle.

You haven't got a pass into town because you don't deserve one.

GEORDIE: I wondered why one of them was as nice as pie

and the other one never opened his mouth.

I found out, didn't I? That one's a bloody Frenchy.

Look, we're late.

We stayed to impress your friend. Now, are you coming or not?

STRACHAN: You!

Come here.

- SOLDIER: Who, me, Sarge? - Yes, you.

Bring your water bottle with you.

Breathe on me.

Nothing like a bit of field punishment to sober up a drunk.

Let's get out of here.

Come on, Perce.

Come on.

It's what they say it is, man. It's a sanctuary.

I shall take the evening air with you, Alfred, old boy.

But that's all.

GEORDIE: Perce, Perce!

We're three days away from a train journey, man.

I know.

Anyway, I think I'll stay.

I mean, this is no way to go out on the town, is it?

(PERCY WHISTLING)

You know, I've learnt so much, Perce, just by... Just by listening.

- Makes a change from talking. - Aye, I know.

Just in two days the things I've found out.

You know, things like politics and...

Completed your education, really, being a deserter, hasn't it?

Well, if you put it like that, yeah.

Well, Alfie said you were a cynic.

- A cynic? - But there's many reasons for deserting.

And you never know, education could be one of them.

A reluctance to get killed must come high on the list.

Aye, it does, as well as a reluctance to kill your own kind.

- What, Germans? - Young men.

Cannon fodder, just like you and me.

Listen, if you're talking politics, talk to somebody else

with your grammar school ideas.

It's politics got us into this sodding mess.

And it's politics that will get us out, the politics of socialism.

I'm a socialist.

Yeah, well, aren't we all?

And after being conscripted into this madness, I'm a pacifist as well.

PERCY: I had an uncle who collected stamps.

Oi, Frenchy, you got any...

Come on, Frenchy. What you got there?

You're late.

We were waiting for someone who wasn't worth waiting for.

- Did you get the stuff? - Mmm-hmm.

Christ, easy.

Here, get this down you.

- That'll see you right. - Cheers, mate.

- Where did you get these? - From the hospital.

We made a not unexpected return visit. A sort of surprise.

It's very nice of them to help out like this.

Yes, it was rather, wasn't it? Generous, in fact.

We even received a most pleasant packed lunch.

Oh, how kind.

Well, we had to help ourselves a little here and there.

Why, of course.

As I was saying, if that's what socialism is,

we're all socialists.

- That's right, isn't it, stranger? - Not really.

But you nearly got the name right.

- What name? - You called me "stranger".

- So? - My name is Strange.

How strange?

No, Strange, Charles Strange.

How fascinating.

(GASPING)

Stay, Perce.

Stay here. It's safe here.

Is it?

Do you hear that? It's safe here.

All right, yeah, so we get the odd raid. I mean, it's to be expected, man.

But there's thousands of us all over these woods

- and we help each other. - I'd rather help meself.

No, I think I shall take my chances up the line for the moment.

Some other time, eh?

Now, this is going to hurt a bit.

Hold tight now, as the actress said.

(SHELL EXPLODING)

Stretcher!

All right, Tiny, I've got you.

Stretcher!

Hold on, Tiny, hang on.

I'm coming back!

(EXPLOSIONS)

Come on!

Come on, you sod!

All this way, Perce, just to drink water out of petrol cans.

I wish they'd fix that bloody water pump.

I could run a motorbike on the petrol that's still in here.

I know.

You sound like a bloody two-stroke in the morning.

(SOLDIERS MARCHING)

Christ, here comes another court martial.

What's this one for?

Failure to grow under strict orders?

Do you really want to know?

No, but it all helps.

They ate their Rhine rations when they were stuck in no-man's-land.

I thought it'd be something serious.

Well, that just about does it, I reckon.

- See you. - What do you mean?

I mean, toodle-oo, and you've not seen me.

I'm going back to Etaples.

Oh, hey. It's as bad there as it is here.

Not where I'm going.

(WATER RUNNING)

(OFFICERS CHATTERING)

Get up.

Now, don't turn around.

Nothing will happen if you don't turn around.

- You must be desperate for a bath. - I want more than a bath, Jock.

I want four officers' uniforms now, nothing less than captain.

Nothing from your regiment of dwarves. And one of them has to be 5 foot 10.

I said don't turn around.

Now all you have to do is pack them for me,

very neatly and very fast.

(EXPLOSION)

Is that okay?

Now, don't turn around.

- I can't fit them all in. - Try.

I am trying, but they won't.

Don't turn around and don't be stupid.

You wouldn't by any chance be needing a batman, would you, sir?

OFFICER: Corporal?

Corporal, what's the matter with this damn door?

It's stuck, sir. Just one wee minute, sir.

Well, come along then, will you? Come on.

Maybe I could have one of the uniforms altered.

You know, find a Frenchy tailor in the village, slip him a few francs.

I'm sorry, Gilzean, but you could never be an officer.

You have neither the temperament, the accent,

the size, nor the savoir faire.

- Stand still. - ANGELA: And there never will be.

Well, I suppose that is a point of view.

People do have the strangest conversations.

ANGELA: Fine, the Czar of Russia

probably had the same illusions about revolutions

until the beginning of this year.

You are, in short, a small man from Scotland with one stripe.

- So call me "sir" in future. - Go and blacken your bum.

Oh, well, there we are.

That's going to go down very well in the officers' mess.

And what would your solution be, Gilzean?

I don't know, Brigadier. Why don't you go and blacken your bum?

(CHUCKLES)

So what made you stunted little sods come here in the first place?

You're mad. The size of you lot, you didn't have to fight.

Well, when you're five foot nothing, you're always looking for a fight.

Yes, but how many do you win?

ANGELA: It's all very well you chaps sitting up at GHQ, Johnny,

but you're out of touch.

You don't know how the men feel stuck here in Etaples,

being bullied to death, waiting to go to the front to be...

Killed to death?

They still come. Granted, they're mostly conscripts now.

They still come.

And then they go, with barely a whimper for the most part.

But for how long?

Etaples will explode.

It will! And soon.

It's not just the men in the camp,

it's all those Bolsheviks and deserters in the sanctuaries.

Deserters and cowards don't start revolutions, Angela.

And the English don't care enough, not the lower classes anyway,

otherwise they wouldn't allow themselves to die

for King and country and empire.

The thing is, I believe in King and country and empire.

So do I.

I don't want a revolution.

After all, I know His Majesty,

and members of my family own a substantial part of the country.

I'm not a fool or a troublemaker.

It's Strachan and Thomson who are the real fools and troublemakers.

And if we cut across this hill we can lose Strachan completely

and be home in time for dinner.

JOHNNY: Provided, of course, there's no revolution before 7:15.

ANGELA: Oh, we generally dine later than that.

STRACHAN: Damn woman.

(CHUCKLING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)

SOLDIER: Which way shall we charge, sir?

Can I have a leave pass?

(SOLDIERS WHOOPING)

Look, lads! Gilzean!

Away!

# When the moon shines bright on Charlie Chaplin #

Jack it in! Just jack it in!

# His boots are cracking for want of blacking

# And his little baggy trousers They want mending

# Before descending to the... #

Give that back! Give that back, you little...

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

Are you sure you're not going to come?

- No, I don't feel up to it, Perce. - Suit yourself.

And for my next trick...

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Attention.

Good to see you again, Franny.

You never did see eye to eye with authority, did you?

Do you think you can remember this?

Sebastian Blennerhassett.

Take it off, Gilzean,

unless you're auditioning for music hall.

(ALL SIGHING)

One more volunteer for the Etaples tour.

Sorry, no Frenchies, no Russian revolutionaries.

If you come into town with me, you've got to speak English.

And use small words.

Yes, a natural leader of men, comrade.

SOLDIER: He'll be shot.

STRANGE: What other way is there? Born poor, die poor, no alternative.

That's the class system, Perce,

and you can't fight it totally on your own.

- You have to have socialism. - Oh, do I? Who says?

Is there some rulebook on the subject? The beliefs of Percy Toplis?

- There you are, Percy, my boy. - Oh, thank you, Stranger.

And what are these? These are your beliefs, Percy.

Go forth and believe. Bullshit.

- So all you care about... - Listen.

I don't care. It's as simple as that.

Now leave it alone, right, 'cause we had a good night tonight.

You got the supplies you wanted, I made a few bob at cards

and we're still alive, right? Right.

Well, that'll do me.

Only if I could get a grip on that mademoiselle we saw tonight,

that'd do me even better.

- The trouble with that attitude is... - Shut up!

(GUN FIRES)

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

(GUNFIRE)

OFFICER: Get back in line! Move it! Move it!

SOLDIER: Bastards! OFFICER: Come on!

Stop or I'll shoot! I'm warning you!

Come on, little man.

Jesus Christ! Watch my arm, you bastard.

You shot my arm!

Never mind your arm, it can get worse where you're going.

Our group lost a lot more than yours. Bloody dozens.

They near enough surrounded us. It's a good job the tide was in.

It's a bloody good job we could swim.

But what do we do now? They're going to be shot.

PERCY: Find a better hiding place, that's what we do.

- It's a chance you take. - The less chances we take, the better.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

- He wants us to raid the compound. - Yes, I gathered.

Well, tell him I might come from Nottingham, but I'm not Robin Hood.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

We're going to be outnumbered 100 to 1, frog brain.

Our comrades will die.

Yeah, which of us won't?

Jesus, you're a callous bastard, Perce.

Doesn't it make you angry?

Don't get angry, get even.

And we can't get even, can we? So...

(OFFICERS CHATTERING)

Scottish, aren't you? That's funny because I'm Scottish, too.

Well, isn't that strange?

To meet like this so far away from home.

As I said, I come from Aberdeen. I mean, that's a coincidence, isn't it?

I'm from Motherwell.

No, you know, I mean...

Have you been here long?

Well, I suppose that makes a change from, "Do you come here often?"

Come on, clear off, all of you.

Oh, come on, let us through.

You lot are going nowhere. So move on.

All right. Well, shut your eyes for a minute and we'll swim across.

You can sod off, otherwise you'll be on a charge with the rest of your mates.

I'm an officer in disguise, a big officer, a high officer.

Come on, let me bloody through, eh?

Only officers with passes.

- I left my pass behind. - Go fetch it, then.

I left it behind in Melbourne.

Come on, man. It's Sunday afternoon.

- We've got nothing to do. - There is something you can do.

You can sod off now!

- Look... - Now, you look!

You've been drinking.

I've got four days here, four days and then who knows, eh?

But four days and not another Sunday.

And I'm having this Sunday in that town.

Move back now. Move back!

Look, I'm being unusually kind to you lot. I'm giving you a warning.

- Right, come on, lads. - Move back now!

Run across the bridge!

(SCREAMING)

(GUN FIRING)

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

Get him in!

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

You lose, Eric.

There's nobody here.

Well, hardly anybody of any consequence.

Sunday, they're all at Paris Plage

having picnics or hiding behind skirts in the town.

We should...

I think we must...

Have any officers been attacked, Guiness?

No, sir.

- But that may be because there aren't... - Yes, thank you, Guiness.

Where's Strachan?

- Uh, picnic, sir. Paris Plage. - I want him here.

And I want runners dispatched to all base depots on site.

Officers to post armed pickets on all gates.

All soldiers still in camp

to be turned out and stood to where they can be seen.

And I want the riot act and the army act relating to mutiny

- read out to them, is that understood? - Sir.

OFFICER: Commits any of the aforementioned offences

or being present, does not use his utmost endeavours

to suppress any mutiny or sedition

of any of His Majesty's forces

shall, on conviction by court martial,

be liable to suffer death by firing squad.

- Bollocks. - Double bollocks.

- Come on, let's go. - OFFICER: Get back in line!

We're on your side, lads!

(GUN FIRES)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SOLDIERS YELLING)

(GUN FIRES)

Is this a revolution?

No, ma'am. Just a bit of a riot, that's all.

- Come on, fellows. - Oh, that's all right, then.

Come on!

SOLDIER: Hey, fellows, Red Caps, bloody Red Caps!

Come on, lads. Get them!

Go on, you cowards! Go on!

Come on, fellows!

Ten.

Sorry, just not your day.

(SOLDIERS BOOING)

You must return to your depot immediately, Private Hutchison.

- It's all right, sir. - Now, do what you're told.

It's nearly nightfall and no decent woman with any sense

would be anywhere near here.

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

Precisely my point.

(SOLDIERS CHEERING)

(WOLF WHISTLES)

SOLDIER: Open up the bloody gates!

Whoo!

Move in quickly, girls, quickly! Quickly!

Come on, girls. Come out and play with me.

- Come on, girls. - Come on down. Come on now.

Bugger off!

WOMAN: Away from the window, ladies. Really, really.

Away from the window, ladies. Away from the windows.

Now, we shall sing. We shall sing till the dogs go home.

Are you ready, girls? All Things Bright and Beautiful.

# All things bright and... #

That is an order!

ALL: # All things bright and beautiful

# All creatures great and small

# All things wise and wonderful

# The Lord God made them all

# Each little flower that opens

# Each little bird that sings

# He made their glowing colours

# He made their tiny wings

# All things bright and beautiful

# All creatures great and small

# All things wise and wonderful

# The Lord God made them all #

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(WOMAN SOBBING)

(SOLDIERS LAUGHING)

WOMAN: No! No!

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(GUN FIRES)

Get up! Get up! Get off her or else!

SOLDIER: What's the matter? What's going on?

- It's only a bit of fun. - It's not bloody funny!

We found them first.

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

There's another Canary bastard over here!

(GUNS FIRING)

(SCREAMING)

I am not condoning the buggers.

How can I? They ran away.

But this isn't a casual street brawl or a case of being improperly dressed.

I want my office more securely defended to start with,

- and then get me GHQ, Guiness. - Sir.

- But don't sound too windy. - But it's not small beer, sir.

There's thousands of men out there running riot,

mainly with killing and drinking in mind.

We have to bring in outside troops. Now!

But if I take them out of the front line,

there's going to be hell to pay.

No.

If it doesn't die down, I'm going to have to tell them how serious it is.

- Just I'd prefer not to. - That's the least of our worries.

Where have the pickets gone?

(SOLDIERS YELLING)

Get me Colonel Mason.

(SOLDIERS CHATTERING LOUDLY)

Good evening, gentlemen, and welcome to the party.

Good night.

I say!

Mind if I walk with you?

No, not at all. Feel free.

I do so like Paris Plage, the sea air, pleasant meal, good company.

Forget the horrors for a time.

Yes.

It's been a remarkable three years for me.

Remarkable.

So you volunteered almost straight away?

First week of the war, August 14.

Lieutenant James Davies at your service.

Mind you, old boy, I came up through the ranks.

Meteoric rise.

Seems like only yesterday I was a private.

I was an actor before,

treading the boards in the theatre.

The London Palladium.

And you?

Oh, I travelled.

My parents are in India, you see. In tea, as they say.

I was mainly brought up by my aunt and uncle in York.

And because my parents were in tea, for some time as a child

I thought they lived in a teapot.

(CHUCKLES)

Cabbie!

Etaples, monsieur.

- Allow me. - No, no. I insist.

I joined you. Now you can join me.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

How about a couple of stiff ones on the way, eh? That should see us right.

Ah, I have a lady to attend to.

Well, one for the lady and the road, eh?

- Gather ye rosebuds while ye may. - Absolutely.

Well, after all, life is but a walking shadow, eh?

A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage

and then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Macbeth.

Of course, who else?

(SOLDIERS YELLING)

Hey, watch out, lads.

SOLDIER: Good evening, sir.

What the hell is going on? What are they doing?

- I do believe the worm has turned. - SOLDIER: Close the bloody bullring.

I think I should have arrived more suitably dressed.

SOLDIER: Excuse me, sir. You better get out of here, sir.

Good God Almighty. There's not a Red Cap in sight.

- SOLDIER: All right, sir. - Yes, about time, too.

Come on, you better run for it.

Let's report to my depot. Come on, sir.

SOLDIER: Go on, then. Go on!

(SOLDIERS YELLING)

Get that cart over here! Come on, move it, you lads.

Move that cart. More water over here!

Come on.

(ALL YELLING)

Get some water over here!

SOLDIER: Go on, burn it down.

More water! More buckets! Come on, you men. Move it!

Get that hosepipe off him.

Burn, you bugger.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Well, it'll have to be from Northumberland.

Well, that's no good. I need them here now.

Giles, what in God's name is going on?

- Damned if I know. - You, sir.

Take 50 men in battle order from your depot

and take control of bridge number two and the access into town.

I said you, sir.

Sir, sir! Permission to speak, sir.

Some of the bleeding...

The men have surrounded another Red Cap hut, sir. The whole...

The whole thing's about to go up, sir. There's brushwood...

All right! All right.

Sir, take command.

Davies, take 50 men in battle order from your depot

and take control of the number two bridge and the access into town.

Sir.

May I ask, sir,

what you intend to be doing while I'm taking over command?

I'm remaining here to oversee operations.

Sir.

Well, Captain, are you willing...

(WOMEN SINGING)

What the...

Fall back!

(ALL TAUNTING)

DAVIES: Squad, halt.

About turn!

(YELLING)

- Come on, lads. - Now calm down!

Quieten down.

(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

Friends, Romans, countrymen...

Now look, I don't know what the hell has happened here today.

- Bollocks! - Tell him about the murder charge!

Yes, yes, yes, all right!

And believe me, I share your reservations.

Like shite you do!

But... But this can do no good,

and if you all go back to the camp, it can all be sorted out tomorrow

when we've all simmered down.

You can hear them, can't you, sir?

It's not you we're out to get.

It's the murdering Red Caps and the odd Canary we can find.

But I must ask you to stand aside

and if you don't, we'll just have to turn the loose guns on you.

(ALL CHEERING)

Stand aside, men.

(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

PERCY: # Oh, oh, Antonio

# He's gone away

# Left me alone-io

#All on my own-io

# I'd like to meet him

# With his new sweetheart

# Then up will go Antonio

#And his ice-cream cart #