Original subtitles

Let me go. I'm beggin' ya.

Let me go.

I'm beggin' ya.

I already told ya I didn't do it.

Please, let me...

Please!

Confess, confess!

Tell the truth.

You spilled innocent cranberry juice everywhere.

No, no, it wasn't us.

It wasn't.

Adria did it.

It's Adria who's going to bed right now.

Aw, no, no, no, no.

We got school in the morning. We do?

Yes. Bedtime.

Bedtime, honey. Hey.

- Are you ready? - Yeah.

Are you ready for the big surprise?

Yeah.

Okay.

The horse is going to bed. He's falling off the cliff.

Oh, he's falling asleep!

And so are you.

Look into my eyes.

Okay? Good night, sweetie, okay?

Night-night. Aww.

My night owl's flying off again.

Are you ready?

I'm always ready.

Will you be listening tonight?

Well, I think I'd rather hear about it in the morning.

Okay, at breakfast?

Yes. Breakfast. Yeah.

♪ Can't stop Addicted to the shindig ♪

♪ Chop top he says I'm gonna win big ♪

♪ Choose not a life Of imitation ♪

♪ Distant cousin To the reservation ♪

♪ Defunct the pistol That you pay for ♪

♪ This punk the feeling That you stay for ♪

♪ In time I want to be Your best friend ♪

♪ Eastside love is living On the Westend ♪

♪ Knock out But boy you better come to ♪

♪ Don't die, you know The truth is some do ♪

♪ Go write your message On the pavement ♪

♪ Burn so bright I wonder What the wave meant ♪

♪ White heat is screaming In the jungle ♪

♪ Complete the motion If you stumble ♪

♪ Go ask the dust For any answers ♪

♪ Come back strong With 50 belly dancers ♪

♪ The world I love The tears I drop ♪

♪ To be part of the wave Can't stop ♪

♪ Ever wonder If it's all for you ♪

♪ The world I love The trains I hop ♪

♪ To be part of the wave Can't stop ♪

♪ Come and tell me When it's time to ♪

♪ Sweetheart is bleeding in the snow cone... ♪

Love that song.

Stay with us because 30 minutes at midnight,

we'll be giving you the legendary Elvis Cooney,

the radio host all the women dream of,

the guy with this mesmerizing voice,

the one who's got it all.

Stay tuned.

♪ ...you better come to ♪

♪ Don't die, you know The truth is some do ♪

♪ Go write your message On the pavement ♪

♪ Burn so bright I wonder What the wave meant ♪

♪ Kick start The golden generator ♪

♪ Sweet talk But don't intimidate her ♪

♪ Can't stop the gods From engineering ♪

♪ Feel no need For any interfering ♪

♪ Your image In the dictionary ♪

♪ This life is More than ordinary ♪

♪ Can I get two Maybe even three of these ♪

♪ Coming from space to teach you of the Pleiades ♪

Good evening, Mr. Elvis.

Oh, hey, uh... I'm sorry, I forgot.

Uh... what's your name again?

Hemwatinandan Sunderdas.

Uh, can I call you Bob?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, how's the family?

Oh, they're great. Thanks for asking, Bob.

You excited about the show tonight?

Oh, absolutely. Look. It's the final.

We'll finally get to find out

if the New York Newbies beat the Manchester Magic Voices.

I'm all for Manchester!

It's my hometown. How about you, sir?

Well, I was talking about my show, Bob.

How do you expect to know what's happening while I'm on the radio

if you don't even listen?

Oh...

Yep.

- You're in the right direction. - Elvis.

Hey.

Sorry, I'm late. How are you?

I'm good, thanks.

Do I know you?

Well, that's funny.

Elvis, do you know this man?

Of course he knows me. Come on, Elvis, let's go.

No, I don't know this guy. Sir, who are you?

Hey, nobody's talkin' to you, asshole.

Hey, come on, buddy, let go.

I will let go once we get in the studio.

Okay, that's enough.

You got my hand, I want it back.

Man, come on!

Uh-oh.

If I say that we have an appointment,

we have an appointment.

It has to be tonight.

I have to announce it tonight.

Okay, whoever you are, this isn't gonna fly.

All right, that's the last time you pretend not to know me.

Or else... Or else what?

Whoa, whoa! Hey.

Calm down here.

Or else I kill myself.

What is it that you want to announce?

That I'm here.

I-I'm here. I'm...

I'm the Messiah.

I'm back.

Well, why the hell didn't you say so in the first place?

It is you. It's him. How you been?

So you do know him?

Yes. Obviously. Don't you?

He's... probably a Buddhist. He's...

I'm a Hindu, actually. Oh.

Look. We've been waiting over 2,000 years for you.

Hey, you got a lot of work to do.

You gotta make the lame walk and the blind see.

You gotta save the world.

Can we go up and I can announce that to everybody?

Why announce that on the radio?

I mean, you'll only reach a handful of insomniacs.

Nobody listens to the radio anymore, especially not at night.

And what's more, they won't be able to see you.

And if they can't see you, they may not believe it's you.

For my money, you get the best bang for your buck if you go live stream.

There's a camera on her computer.

Who?

The woman at the center.

What, the center of the universe, or...?

They... They put me at the treatment center.

But there's a camera on her computer, and I can record myself.

Then I can get the message out. Yeah.

You have a great show.

What's your name again, brother?

Hemwatinandan.

Yeah.

I love you, Elvis!

Thank you.

Fuck.

Lock the door, and don't let anyone else in.

That shouldn't have happened in the first place.

It's getting hot in here,

15 minutes before the wonderful Elvis Cooney.

Enough time to listen together to this amazing, incredible, fantastic song.

Oh, you're gonna love it.

Shut up.

Elvis, hi. Mary.

Man, did you just roll out of bed?

You look like death warmed up. I'm not quite warm yet.

Well, anyway, we've got great callers tonight.

Cool.

And this is James Steel's biography.

That comedian who does online videos.

He's got over two million followers,

and we're gonna get him on the air.

Thank you.

No problem, it's my job.

No, I mean thank you.

For my birthday.

Oh, sorry, it slipped my mind.

Isn't it tomorrow?

Well, tomorrow's in about 13 minutes.

That's okay.

Everyone always forgets my fuckin' birthday.

Happy birthday.

Not yet, in about 12 and a half minutes.

Who's that?

He's the newbie, just arrived from London.

Long trip to America.

Elvis, this is Dylan.

Dylan, this is Elvis.

Keep your transatlantic germs. It's okay.

Okay. You want one of these?

I could make you one if you'd like. Uh, no, but thank you.

Mm-hmm.

I was just kidding. This is for adults.

I am 27.

Don't mind him.

Go to the studio. Okay.

Oh.

I see Sam is still here.

Yeah.

Should have brought my rubber gloves.

Hey.

Don't even bother to knock anymore.

Yeah, just like you don't even bother to tell me

when you're coming to watch my show.

What's to watch? It's a radio show.

You need something? I'm leaving in a minute.

Oh, well, then why don't we make this a quality minute?

When was the last time you stayed this late?

Last year for the sweeps.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I'll let you guys talk.

Sure.

I'll be listening to tonight's show in my office.

Oh, thanks, buddy.

Least somebody around here gives a damn.

Hey, since you're here.

I'm looking at the quarter numbers.

Whoo! Okay.

You've plateaued.

Your numbers are flat.

Flat as a crepe.

Crepe, crepe? Oh, pancake. Yeah, that's pretty flat.

But it's just one quarter, that doesn't mean anything.

I think you have two problems. Oh. Nobody has just two problems.

Okay, first, the audience.

They're not interested in your social media.

Well, and neither am I.

That's why Mary takes care of it.

Okay, blame Mary if you want.

Either way, it's a disaster.

Please, not this again.

I'm a radio host, not a TikTok jock. Look at your last post.

Three months ago, and all you said was, "Hey,"

with a big shot of your fucking boots?

They were great, very cool boots, size 12s.

Oh, gosh. Okay, look.

I'm the first to admit, I'm not good at that stuff.

That's not me. Yeah, we all know that.

But today, radio is not enough. Okay?

Why don't you just let me do what I do?

I mean, let's not rock the boat.

Okay, so you're not listening to me.

The boat is sinking, Elvis.

What? You're...

different, somehow different.

What? Have you done...

You know, you're really stunningly statuesque. Can you stop?

Stop. Nice try, though.

Second thing, I think you're pushing too much.

Now, I've told you before, you've got a great concept.

Okay? Telling it like it is, take no mercy,

and all that is what makes you, I get it.

Yeah. Yeah.

But there's a pushback now.

Pushback from who?

From the Pope. Oh, he listens?

Wow, you should get him to call.

I could tell him how to separate--

Stop, no! Stop.

I think you can afford now to slow down, you know?

No, you're wrong.

Stop pushing the envelope.

If not, someday the big boss is going to replace you.

Is that right? Who?

Is that a threat?

No, honey, it's not a threat.

It's a tip, okay, from a very good friend.

Now, get out. Have a good show tonight.

Wow. That was actually... two quality minutes.

Just... goodbye.

Well, hey!

If it isn't "the greatest radio host in the world."

You know, now that I'm not on the air,

I can tell you how I really feel about you.

You...

piece of shit.

How you doing, Justin?

Your expression tells me that you're still having trouble with those hemorrhoids.

The only pain in the ass around here is you.

You will never get my show.

Do you hear me?

Listen. You will never, ever have my show.

But I don't want your show. Liar!

You were just in there with Sam asking for it.

Justin, I was not in there to ask for your show.

Stop! Just stop lying, okay?

Justin, I don't want your show.

I'm not lying. I don't want your show.

You don't?

No. I just want your slot.

It's an entirely different thing.

Quite frankly, your show plays shitty music

and you're just there to tell the time.

They should have called it "Justin Time." It's torture.

It's like listening to the local radio

slap bang in the middle of Squeal-like-a-pig Arkansas.

I'm from Arkansas.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Fuck you, Elvis.

Thank you.

Guys. Guys. Fuck you!

The snappy comebacks. How does he do it?

We're live in one minute, 47 seconds.

Dickhead.

And dickhead's on top.

Whoo-hoo.

Elvis Live, "On the Line."

It's midnight.

The witching hour.

Good morning to all you night-crawling, circadian rhythm rejects,

you nocturnal emitters that I like to call my family.

The studio's filling up, everybody's getting settled,

and Mary's either manning the phones or phoning her man.

Which is it, Mary?

You mean which man? I get around, Elvis.

Yeah, be careful.

You get around too much, you'll get rounder.

Hi. We're expecting your calls.

Talk to Elvis live on air

and tell him about all of your issues and problems,

below or above the waist.

Call us at 806-806-TALK.

806-806-8255.

That's right.

And this evening, we've got a newbie joining the show.

A rookie.

And his name is... let's have a drumroll...

his name is...

What's your name again?

Dylan.

Dylan. Dylan replaces our old pal, Turncoat Tom,

who left us for a rival station, that rat bastard.

You won't betray us like that, will you, Dill?

Uh, yes. I mean, um, no. Good evening.

Good evening, everyone.

Oh, God, we got a shy one.

You got stage fright?

No, not at all.

It's just that... it's a real honor to be part of this show

that has been around for so long.

I'm... so happy to be here.

"So long"? What are you trying to say, kid?

That I'm a washed-up, diaper-wearing has-been, is that it?

No.

I've been doing this show for 40 years,

long enough to spot an elder-abuse asshole when I see one.

You know, life's too short.

Or in my case too long, huh, Dylan?

Huh? Hmm?

Get lost. You're fired.

Take a plane, take a boat, swim the Channel.

Go back to fuckin' England, or wherever the fuck you came from.

Go on. Huh.

Why are you smiling?

You think I'm kidding? He thinks I'm kidding.

Mary can produce the show. She's done it a million times.

Get lost, go on. Out, finished, over.

Now! What are you waiting for?

Geez.

Okay, bring in the next one.

Well, that didn't last very long, did it?

I'm kidding.

Oh, Dylan, come on back. We love you, come on.

I'm just joking, kid. Come on back.

Get in here.

Look at him. He looks like he's gonna cry.

Come on, kid. It's just a joke for the newbie.

Sit down. We'll have some soft foods.

Yeah, and with a Geritol as a chaser.

There you go. There's the spirit.

You just can't help yourself. Yeah.

All right, people.

Here we go.

Settle in, relax.

Gimme a call.

This is "On the Line."

Talk to Elvis! "On the Line"!

Emma, good evening. What's on your mind?

Good evening, Elvis, and the rest of the team.

Um...

Well, two months ago my husband left me

after 17 years of marriage,

and I'm devastated.

Oh, I'm sorry. How did that happen?

Well, he was so jealous.

He thought I was cheating on him.

Ah, I get it. Jealousy.

Sometimes flattering.

Lets us know we're still desirable, but too much, eh, not good.

What made him think you were cheating on him?

Actually, maybe, because...

I was cheating on him.

Well, that explains the jealousy.

Look, we're only human.

Seventeen years of marriage, wow,

I guess he's, uh... I guess he's hurt.

Might be tough to get him back.

Uh, you know, you guys should talk about why you think it happened.

I'm sure it's not because he's left a wet towel on the bed or something.

Yeah.

If you still love each other,

and, you know, perhaps he still does,

um... it's worth having another crack at it,

it's worth working.

I mean, you should do whatever it takes,

whatever it takes to fix it, okay?

Be honest, be open.

Okay. Right?

Yeah, thank you.

Matt, I'm sorry to disagree with you.

He's a great player but a bad sport.

I never liked him.

I've got some bad news.

We were supposed to get James Steel on the line.

Oh. But his manager just told me

that he's tied up shooting a video,

and there are some issues that need his attention.

Fuck.

Tell him to go jump off a fucking cliff,

with sharpened wooden stakes on the bottom so he lands...

I hate these new Internet stars

that make three videos in their mom's basement

and suddenly they think they're Bouncy Knowles.

Beyoncé?

Well, she's bouncy to me.

That guy's stuck at a shoot at 1:00 in the morning

when he's supposed to be calling us?

I call bullshit.

He's probably home playing video games,

speed bagging the pickle.

You remember this guy's name?

James Steel. He's a star.

Dylan, you know who I'm talking about, right?

I'm... not sure.

Yes, he's an asshole,

and we'll never mention his name again, okay?

Who are we talking about? Yeah, you're learning.

Okay, we got Gary on the line.

What say you, Gary?

Gary, you with us?

Gary?

Uh-oh, we got a breather.

What are you wearing, Gary?

Hey, Dylan, you asleep at the wheel?

Can you get Gary through to us? He's on.

I'm here.

Ah, there he is.

How you doing, Gary?

I'm not doing so hot, Elvis.

What, tonsillitis, athlete's foot?

Tell me more.

I'm gonna do something really screwed up tonight.

Suicide.

All right, Gary, listen.

All's well. We're here for you. We're like family.

Family that isn't fucked up. You know that, right?

Now, where are you right now?

I'm sorry, this was a bad idea.

Gary. Shit. Mary, call him back.

Okay, well, we'll try and get Gary back on the line very quickly

to understand what's going on with him,

and in the meantime, we'll take more calls.

So, I have this central erotic dream with my boss

and I'm a little bit confused, okay,

because today he told me that he had the same dream as me.

What do you do for work?

I work for a mattress company.

He wants to test-drive the bed.

Yeah, so when I was a kid,

I was terrified of clowns.

You know, so when I grew up, I decided to face my fears.

And one day, I slept with a female clown.

Red hair. Big shoes.

Wouldn't take her nose off. It was weird.

Hmm.

I woke up the next morning alone, and, uh,

she'd twisted my penis into a poodle.

Whoa!

We gotta fix this problem.

I mean, how can 11 laptops magically disappear in the space of three months?

We're in a radio station, cameras everywhere.

This is dickin' rifuckulous.

Probably just some dude trying to build his collection.

Or collect what he can from the building.

It's kind of hard to describe.

Somewhere between a bald eagle and a spotted owl.

Who hasn't tried a little endangered species?

Elvis is on KLAT-FM Los Angeles.

Live "On the Line."

Okay, good news. Gary's back on the air.

We were worried about you, pal. How you feelin'?

I'm better.

All right.

Um, where are you?

I'm... I'm in Pasadena.

Cool. Pasadena. You alone?

Look, I'm just gonna do what needs to be done.

It's better that way.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Gary, hold on.

Gimme a minute. Let's talk.

I love Pasadena.

Where exactly are you?

Gary, you there?

I'm in a garden.

Okay, in a garden.

Is it, uh... your garden? Are you at home?

No.

No. Uh...

Does the home belong to someone you know?

No.

It belongs to a piece of shit.

I'm gonna destroy him.

Call the police.

Gary, tell me, is it the home of a family member,

a neighbor, a colleague, a...

I told you... ...ex-lover?

...it's a worthless piece of shit's place.

Right. And I'm...

I'm gonna take out his whole family.

Gary, come on.

Why hurt his family If he's a worthless piece of shit?

I mean, they're innocent.

Don't let your instinct for revenge drive you to do something

that you'll probably be paying for the rest of your life.

You're better than that, Gary.

Tell me calmly, what's this guy done to you to make you so upset?

Some injustice, some hurt, some...?

He destroyed my life, and I'm gonna destroy his.

Ay, ay, ay, an eye for an eye.

Gary, you're playing a game called "You Lose," all right?

Now, whoever he is, he didn't destroy your life.

Don't give him that power.

You know?

People come on this show every day

that feel desperate, hopeless, worthless,

usually because somebody else made them feel that way, okay?

Do not adopt that perception of yourself, all right?

You got the power to change, you got the tools inbuilt.

You gotta believe that, Gary. You can do it.

Gary, what was that?

I'm breaking into the son of a bitch's house!

Gary, stop, wait, listen.

If you want, we can chat about this offline.

I mean, we can, you know... Cool?

No. I wanna stay on the air. I'll put on a record, I swear.

I want everyone to hear what's going down.

I can't keep you on the air. I'm sorry.

Let's chat offline. I promise you, together we can fix it.

No! Do not cut me off the air,

or I'll go upstairs and I'll kill everybody.

You're not gonna kill anyone.

All right? Everything's gonna be fine.

You're still live on air,

but I don't want you to be in danger

or put anyone else in danger, okay?

Now, what part of Pasadena are you in?

Near Arlington Gardens.

Ah. Well, yeah, nice area.

Yeah, it's a neighborhood you know all too well

'cause I'm at your house.

976 Orange Grove Boulevard.

It's crazy what a nice house you can buy

when you host a shitty show like yours!

Gary, I don't know if this is some kind of joke.

I mean, I got nothing to hide from my listeners.

Yes, that is my address.

But I think you're gonna have a little trouble getting across the garden.

Oh, you're talking about the two mangy Dobermans?

Listen, buddy...

This afternoon, I threw them a couple pieces of meat with rat poison.

I thought I might have to fight them off a little bit tonight,

but what do you know, when I got here they were just lying on the ground.

I was, uh, kind enough to relieve their suffering

with a butcher's knife.

- Call 911. - Yeah.

If that's true, and you're really at my house,

we'll continue this conversation offline.

Off the air. The police will be there in a minute--

I don't give a fuck about the cops, and you better not cut me off.

Gary. Hold on a second. Don't cut me off!

Don't you dare! Dylan, music, music.

Dylan, wake up! Put on a fucking song!

Don't cut me off! I have no choice, Gary.

- We can't let you... - Daddy!

Adria?

I should have given her rat poison, too,

but I wanted her to be part of the fun.

Listen, it's over.

The police will be there in a minute. Leave my daughter alone.

It's not too late. I won't press charges, I promise.

I just want you to get some help.

The police are on their way.

Tell the cops to stay outside.

We don't need them for the show.

There is no show, Gary.

The reality is, the police will take you out if you don't comply.

Now, I won't press charges. I just want you to leave my fam--

Gary, what was that? What the fuck's happening? Holy shit, what...

Honey...

Oh... Olivia?

Elvis. Baby, you all right?

Do as he says, please, I'm begging you.

He just fired shots into the fucking wall!

Yeah, you'll have to touch up the paint a little bit, sorry.

That was just to shut your trap.

Next time, I'm gonna aim for your daughter and your wife.

The police are there. They're waiting for backup.

Try to buy some time. Okay.

Yep.

Gary, I'm listening. Okay?

Tell me what's going on?

Tell me what you're pissed about.

I mean, clearly, I don't know you, but...

you're obviously very angry with me and I need to know why.

I mean, maybe we can settle this.

Did I give you some bad advice?

Did I give bad advice to someone you know?

You blame me for something? I mean, what is it about?

Is it about a girl? Did I tell her to leave you?

Something to do with your job?

Listen, you got the air all to yourself, okay?

So just off-load,

'cause I gotta know why it is you hate me.

Ahh, Elvis.

You know, I'm embarrassed to talk about this

in front of your wife and your daughter,

but since you insist, it might have something to do with the fact

that you're sleeping with your fucking switchboard operator.

Gary, have you been drinking or are you on some kind of drugs?

'Cause I... I don't know you.

You don't know me, Mary doesn't know...

You know this guy?

Who are you, Gary?

Are you a fan of the show just trying to create some kind of buzz,

some sort of prank?

Well, congratulations. It's working.

You got me, okay?

I'm scared to fucking death, man, honestly.

Now, look, you've had your laughs--

Stop fucking around, shit brain.

You think I actually listen to your show

for insomniac freaks who call up...

Okay. ...for your shitty advice?

Calm down, now. What do you want?

Nobody wants anybody to get hurt, okay?

Don't talk to me like I'm one of your airhead listeners.

I wanna ruin your life, just like you ruined mine.

Gary, is it money?

Is that what it is?

It's all about money? You need money?

Money?

Seriously, if I wanted money,

I'd just help myself to your yuppie suburban palace.

Oh, uh, wait a second.

I think your wife wants to talk to you.

How did we get into this mess, Elvis?

What the hell did you do?

I'm gonna put you on speakerphone

'cause I wanna hear how the greatest bigmouth

in the world of radio handles this.

Careful, though: if you lie, boom, I will shoot somebody.

Oh, no, Elvis, you do not have the right to remain silent.

We're all listening.

Your affair with Mary: true or false?

Gary, I don't know what makes you think

that there's a relationship with Mary,

because I swear to God, I never--

- Bullshit! - Stop fucking around, Elvis!

I swore that I would shoot someone.

Olivia, can you confirm that I shot someone?

Elvis.

I shot at your ugly face

on that narcissistic poster hanging on the wall.

The next time... Good one, Gary.

...next time...

Leave her alone!

Please, I'm begging you! I'm begging you, please!

Don't hurt her! Gary? Gary.

I want you to take a minute--

Listen. I want you to hear this.

That's my gun pressed against your daughter's temple.

So, how about you tell us the fucking truth?

Are you screwing the switchboard operator?

Yes or no?

Yes. Yes, okay.

There you go, yes, I did it.

You're right, I did it. I screwed her. You happy now?

You win. Now, let her go. Please.

Thank you.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

You wanted me to confess, I did.

Now, what more do you want me to do, huh?

Let's get this over with.

You're angry at me, not them, all right?

Me. Let them go,

and we can settle this between the two of us, all right?

Ah, so now you have time to listen to me.

The police want to talk to him. No, no, that's okay.

Gary, this can still end well, okay?

But I don't want it to end well.

It didn't end well for Lauren.

For who? Who?

And you have the balls to ask me who.

Don't you know a Lauren?

First it's Mary, now you're talking about some Lauren.

I know a dozen Laurens.

Oh, I bet you know about a dozen Laurens.

But to me there's only one.

Gary, you're gonna have to help me here, I...

They want to take over the negotiation.

They want you to hang up. It's okay, Steven.

Please, let my wife and daughter go,

and then we can talk about, like, whatever you want.

Okay? We'll sit here and we'll work this out.

I'm sorry, that's not the ending I had in mind.

Wonder.

What? W-Wonder what?

Wonder, Lauren Wonder!

That's her name!

And she's also the eighth wonder of the world.

But I bet you didn't even know her last name, did you?

Before me. Before me.

Oh.

Oh, the switchboard operator. Lily.

Her real name was Lauren. We called her Lily.

I didn't know her last name.

There you go.

It's funny how it all comes rushing back.

Yeah. She worked for us a couple months.

Uh, two years back. She disappeared one day.

We never saw her again. I didn't know her last name.

That didn't stop you from making stupid jokes about her

every day on the show!

About her face, her voice.

She didn't dare speak up

because Mr. Big Wig is the star of radio.

She thought that, by leaving after five months,

she'd be able to forget, but no!

Because people never stopped talking about it to her.

I've been with her since high school.

And yes, she had other problems,

but you, you were the fucking cherry on top!

It was always like a pressure cooker, and boom!

Boom what? It's shock radio.

We fuck around. That's what we do. We make jokes, okay?

It's not for you to decide what's funny and what's not!

See, being at your fuckin' house with Olivia and your daughter,

now that's funny, oh, yeah.

Yeah, okay, all right.

Look, I'll do anything to help Lily-- Lauren.

I'll make it up to her.

There is something you can do.

You can take your wireless mic

and go up to the studio's terrace

with someone from your shitty team.

I... I don't get it.

You'll get it when you're up there.

Now, move your ass! Okay, okay, calm down.

Mary, get a mic and a headphone ready.

Okay?

We're coming with you.

Okay.

Let's go.

Okay, I'm here.

Cool. Breathe.

Okay, just tell me what you want

so we can get this over with, huh?

You see that ashtray by the wall?

How do you know there's an ashtray by the wall, Gary?

That's where Lauren came to cry after you humiliated her.

She tell you that?

No, I was there.

Okay.

I was having a smoke when she showed up in tears.

How'd you even get in the building?

I worked there for my job.

Oh, Elvis, we met so many times, and you never said hello.

But hey, you treat your own colleagues like dirt.

It's no surprise you never gave me the time of day.

Who are you?

Does it really matter?

Are you Gary Harlowe?

Not anymore.

What does that mean?

It means tonight I don't give a fuck.

I'm not that friendly security guard anymore

who always greeted you with a smile.

Man, look, I am really sorry. I just don't remember, okay?

Anyway, what I want you to do now

is to climb up onto that wall.

I set up a little staircase for you.

You can't be serious.

Does it sound like I'm joking?

Hey, Adria, does it look like I'm fooling around?

Do I make you laugh, kid?

Elvis!

Relax. Everything's fine.

Elvis is gonna get up onto that fucking wall.

Fuck!

I'm on the wall. You happy? What now?

Thank you.

Gary, I don't like heights.

You can tell Lauren I'm shit scared

if you think it makes you feel any better, okay?

Well, that won't be easy,

because she's dead.

She committed suicide a month ago.

You should see what she writes about you in her letter.

It's not very nice.

She jumped from her apartment balcony.

Five stories.

Gary, I'm sorry. Man, I'm really sorry.

I've learned my lesson.

Can we please stop this nonsense?

When I came back from Afghanistan,

I tried to kill myself too.

A pussy like you wouldn't last a day over there.

They said I was psychologically damaged.

Bullshit. Gary, life is beautiful.

No, it's not!

Now, I want you to jump.

Come on, Gary, nobody would do that. I'm not gonna jump.

If you don't jump, I'll kill them.

You know I will!

It's you or them!

Oh, for fuck sake, Gary, can't we sort this out?

Come on, I'm begging you, please.

Jump!

I can't.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew you'd shit your pants.

Not even a shred of dignity.

That's why I didn't want you to go alone.

Dylan, push him.

No.

Push him, or a five-year-old dies.

Gary, you sick fuck!

I hope you die and burn forever!

Last chance, Dylan.

Push him! No.

It's okay, it's okay.

Gary, I'll jump.

Put my wife on.

What are you doing?

I'm so sorry, my dear.

I love you.

Take care of Adria.

Okay?

I have no choice.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Please, I'm begging you. I'm begging you, please.

Please!

Don't, Elvis, no!

Tell me, Dylan, did that asshole jump?

Yes.

Thank you, Dylan.

Hey, listen, I'm sorry I put you in that situation.

I did you a favor, though. That guy would have tortured you,

just like he did to Lauren.

He was a real son of a bitch, you know.

You can free his wife and daughter

because he jumped, he's dead.

Just let them go.

Of course. I'm a man of my word.

I just...

I just need proof that he really jumped.

I mean, you wouldn't lie to me, right?

I'm telling you, he jumped. Just let them go.

How could you do this to me?

You filthy liars! You're all motherfuckers!

Dylan, you've really disappointed me.

No, wait, don't get angry. I can explain, okay?

I wanted to film Elvis's jump and post it online.

You've really made a fool out of me.

Hey, hey, Gary, this is my fault.

I apologize, okay? It's too late!

I'm sorry. An eye for an eye, Elvis.

Gary... Now you can see what it's like to lose someone you love.

The police is ready to go. They're headed in!

Gary, the cops are coming in right now.

I'm begging you, please! Give it up! Stop it!

Wait.

The police want to get you on the phone.

Yeah?

What?

Uh...

That can't be.

Go with him. I'll lock up the studio.

It's impossible.

What's going on?

The cops say...

- there's no one home. - What?

They checked every room.

No signs of forced entry.

The dogs are alive.

I don't get it.

And your daughter, your... your wife?

Not there.

I don't know.

They looked everywhere. Nothing.

Ha-ha-ha...

♪ Elvis ♪

♪ Elvis, where are you? ♪

♪ Elvis ♪

♪ Yoo-hoo ♪

He's back.

Turn up the volume.

♪ Elvis ♪

Elvis, you play footsie with me, I play better.

One step ahead, buddy.

I really had you convinced I was at your place, didn't I?

And those Keystone Cops who broke down your door for nothing,

what a bunch of idiots.

Is he the one who killed the guard?

Now, the show's really getting started.

So I lied about being at your house,

but I am with your family.

Elvis, get out of here!

"Elvis, get out of here!"

She doesn't even seem to resent you for cheating on her.

Now, that is devotion.

I caught them just as you left home.

By the way, Olivia and Adria did not want to get into my car.

It was a struggle.

Kind of like rassling a couple of piglets.

They fought, they squealed.

But I managed to tame them in the end.

Hey, Elvis, you there?

Elvis?

Yoo-hoo?

Anybody out there?

You're kidding me. Am I all alone on the air?

Wow, this is like a childhood fantasy come true.

But hey, Elvis, I do hope you can still hear me out there

'cause tonight, as a tribute to Lauren,

I've gone out of my way to make sure you spend

the worst night of your life.

See, I've created a game,

and I think you're gonna love it.

The rules are simple.

If you lose, I kill these two little ladies.

Use your cell. Let's call the cops.

Elvis. I'm gonna count down from 30.

If you don't answer, that means you've gone,

and that I'm talking to myself like a madman.

I'm not crazy, you know?

So listen, if you don't get back on the line,

the game is over,

and if the game is over,

boom, boom.

Thirty, 29...

Gary, it's Mary.

Elvis has left the building...

No one called you, Miss America. I'm playing with Elvis.

I don't talk to women who sleep with married men.

Either Elvis is there or he's not.

Anyway, where was I?

Twenty-eight, 27...

26, 25...

24, 23...

22, 21...

20, 19...

18, 17...

16, 15...

14, 13...

Elvis, the... 12, 11...

...mic is in the elevator. ten...

nine, eight...

seven, six...

five, four...

three...

two...

one...

Zero!

I'm here! I'm here!

Ah! Okay, Elvis.

And he's back!

Were you taking a dump?

So, where are you, my friend?

In reception.

Oh, in reception.

Ha!

Sorry I didn't have time to clean up the entrance.

Yeah, did you have to kill him?

Yes, I did. That guard was very impolite.

Not friendly at all.

I told him I used to work the same job.

He didn't want to open the door at first,

but thank God he recognized your wife, so he let us in.

Didn't seem to like my face, though.

He didn't want to give me a badge.

What a jerk.

So now it's your turn. Where are you?

I'll let you in on a secret.

I'm still at your home, in a way.

I wasn't exactly lying to you earlier.

I'm at your home.

This is your second home, after all.

We're gonna have some fun.

Dear listeners, you're about to hear the last 40 minutes

in the history of Elvis's show.

In 40 minutes, that's 4-0...

boom!

You're gonna blow up the door. Why?

The door?

No. I respect your show, Elvis.

It deserves some sparkle.

You should check your social media.

Man, I'm excited.

In the army, I was an explosive ordnance disposal specialist.

I miss fireworks.

He's gonna blow everything up.

Windows, the door, the basement, the garage.

Everything is wired to blow.

If only Lauren could see this.

On the other hand, she'd probably tell me

just to blow it all up right away.

She didn't like to play games,

but you never understood that.

Seems like a lot of work, Gary.

How'd you set all that up?

I could have done it better, trust me. I didn't have much time.

Should do the trick anyway.

With a bit of luck, the explosions

will bring down this whole building.

Elvis.

I don't wanna die here.

Well, if we don't wanna die, we gotta fight.

He's in the building. We can get him.

You hear that, Gary?

He's right, Dylan, really.

I said it was a game, and I'm gonna follow the rules.

Military code of honor.

You have a chance.

If you find me, I won't blow up the building.

I'll let you go,

and I'll just kill Elvis.

Well, then show yourself, you slippery son of a bitch!

Let my girls go, okay?

You don't need 'em. They're just a liability for you.

It's just you and me. Man up.

If you're a real man, come down here,

duke it out with me, okay?

We'll settle this!

I'm too old to play fuckin' hide-and-seek, all right?

Are you done?

I don't think you get it.

Instead of wasting your time talking shit,

why don't you try to find me and save your family?

All right, we'll do it the fuckin' hard way.

This could have made a great movie.

"The bad guy's hiding somewhere in the building,

the good guy is looking for him.

And then they all blow up!

The end."

What do you think?

I think you need a rewrite.

Sounds like a real stinker.

What's the fuck's going on?

Come on. Ton...

Tony? What the hell is this?

What, you know him?

Yes. It's Tony. He's been working here for 20 years.

I didn't know it was you, Mr. Elvis. I'm sorry.

What the hell got into you, attacking him like that? I don't know him!

You know, I couldn't see shit.

I just saw the dead guard at the entrance.

So I hid in the dark.

And when you guys came in, I just jumped on the first guy.

What if he works for Gary and he's lying because he couldn't take me out?

Out of the question, I've known this guy since forever.

When you guys came in,

I just assumed you were part of his team.

Whose team?

The fucking crazy guy's team.

The guy that came around with the woman and the little girl?

Elvis, I couldn't see anything.

It was super dark. It was fuzzy.

Yeah, but I do remember he was wearing a hat.

That I do.

And his eyes. I could never forget his eyes.

I mean, he... this guy looks as if he just escaped a fucking mental asylum.

I mean, he's totally cuckoo.

Why the hell didn't you get out of here?

I did, I tried...

I-I... I tried to leave through the parking lot area,

just to find that it was full with explosives.

A whole door-- I mean, the whole building for that matter,

it's filled with explosives, I mean, just, you know...

What's going on, Elvis? I mean, come on.

Are we all going to die?

I am loving this.

What a shit show! You okay, Elvis?

Little Dylan still in one piece?

I hadn't planned on Tony showing up.

Tony, my man! I remember you.

What a nice guy.

Well, apparently I'm getting warmer.

You went by here recently too, huh?

Hold on a second, though.

It's no fair if Tony's joining your team all of a sudden.

Is he talking into your headphones right now?

What's he saying?

There's no room for an extra player.

Kill him.

Kill that son of a bitch.

I'm not killing anybody.

Tony will sit in a corner and he won't say another fucking word, okay?

He's not coming with us.

No, Tony wasn't part of my plan.

He was supposed to clock out at 10:00 p.m.

What the hell's he still doing here anyway?

You get out of here, walk away, just get out of here.

No, that's not okay. This is pissing me off, Elvis.

Ask him what he's doing here.

Okay, he wants to know what you're doing here,

why you didn't leave at 10:00 p.m.

Me?

You were supposed to leave at 10:00 p.m., right? Yeah.

What the hell are you still doing here?

This is fishy. Uh...

If he doesn't answer, kill that son of a bitch.

I'll tell you.

You know, I finished my shift.

There were some areas that I had to finish,

that I... had to take care of,

and-and I wanted to take a walk around the office before I did.

That's... That's it.

You're lying.

What's your problem?

No, you tell me what you're doing here. Tell me now.

Elvis-- What the fuck is up? Tell me now!

Ah, now we got some action. Elvis is getting angry.

No, wait. He's the guy stealing the computers,

the one you were talking about on air.

Tony? You been stealing from us?

I'm really sorry, Elvis.

I really am.

You see, my wife is very sick over in Spain, and...

I need it desperately. I needed the cash.

I'm not doing anything wrong. It's my cousin that sells them.

I just give it to him. He gives me a little cut every time.

But it's only the sales team's computer that I take.

I mean, I never ever even dream of touching one of yours, I swear.

You gotta believe me.

We're not gonna let him get away with this, Elvis, are we?

Ticktock.

Ticktock!

Ticktock, time is running out.

Kill this fucking thief and come find me.

Tony, go upstairs and hide in the studio, okay?

W-We'll settle this later, okay?

Go on, pal, get outta here. Thank you, Elvis.

I owe you.

Elvis! What a mensch!

A true hero.

If it were me, I'd have taken him out,

but you, you are a class act.

What Hollywood actor do you think would play you in the movie of our game, huh?

Tom Cruise?

I'd cast Joaquin Phoenix as me.

Tonight, I'm kind of a joker.

"I have a condition!"

I like silence.

Cold!

Hot.

I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

Getting warmer.

Not in there.

Okay, okay, okay.

This isn't supposed to take all night.

And since I'm a nice guy, here's some help from someone special.

Go on, sweetie.

Give Daddy a clue.

Daddy, I'm in a closet with some toys.

Oh, now, that's too easy.

Hyah!

It's Adria's.

He's doing this to drive you crazy.

Now, isn't that cute?

Dear listeners, let me set the scene.

Shock jock Elvis clutching a plush toy covered in blood,

and newbie Dylan who looks like he's about to lose it.

And see, from where I'm sitting,

I'm lucky enough to watch the whole scene.

He's been watching us from the start.

I know where the son of a bitch is hiding.

He can only be in the camera room in the basement.

Okay, so let's call the police to save time.

We don't have the luxury of time.

He's a madman.

I've dealt with kooks like this for 30 years.

He's the type to go through with it.

He'll kill my girls unless we stop him. Okay?

By the time the cops get here, fuck, it's hopeless.

He just wants to knock everyone off and then do himself.

We don't stand a chance. This won't end well. No.

Elvis, no secret powwows.

Turn your mic back on.

Listen, you don't have to come with me,

but I think it's safer if we stick together.

I know a way where there's no cameras.

We can sneak up on him in the basement.

Elvis, think about your listeners.

We are live on the air!

Turn your microphone back on.

Okay, I'll play.

I'll bet you're somewhere in the upper floors, am I right?

Maybe.

Yeah, I'm comin', numb nuts.

Stop! Wait!

Hang on.

We have to hurry. There's no camera down here.

He'll be looking for us on the other side

and realize we're not there. Come on.

Hey, guys, you're supposed to find me, remember,

not the other way around.

But, hey, I'm not against spicing things up.

Come on, give me a clue.

♪ Elvis ♪

Hey, Gary, I'm coming upstairs to find ya, you sick puke.

There's the security cameras in that room.

He's in there.

Where are you hiding?

One, two...

Go!

All right. Turn around or I'll brain ya.

You son of a bitch!

Did you really think I'd be in there when I can hack into any camera?

I have a knack for computers.

And frankly, breaking into a 25-year-old security system

was easier than stealing my sister's Netflix password.

I've got all the cameras right here on a tablet.

Elvis.

Yoo-hoo!

Oh, hey, you're welcome, by the way.

Uh, Elvis, yoo-hoo!

What an ingrate. You could at least thank me.

Thank you for what? Well, you never liked that asshole Justin, did you?

This will make it easier for you to get his 8:00 p.m. slot.

No more sleepless nights talking to freaks.

How come you don't look happy?

Nothing's ever good enough for you, is it?

Why don't you tell me where you are

so I can come and thank you personally?

Nah, you can thank me later.

Knock it off, will ya? Son of a bitch.

You're right, Elvis. It's time for a break.

And you know what? There's something I've always dreamed of doing.

What's it like to swap places with the king of radio?

Ahh!

Now I have a beautiful voice.

He's in the studio. Oh, fuck. Mary. Steve.

Go!

Dear listeners, you have a new host tonight,

and it's about time.

Finally, someone loyal.

He's powered off the elevators.

Oh, Elvis, I'm sorry. The elevators seem to be out of order.

Just can't catch a break, huh?

Fuck.

Mary?

Guys. How you doing? You okay?

"Mary?

Guys, how you doing? You okay?"

Seriously, what kind of a two-bit operation is this?

There's no one left at the wheel.

Thank God I showed up, right?

Hey, we should redo the jingles.

"Gary, tonight, 'On the Line.'"

I think it's gonna be a hit.

Yeah, knock yourself out, buddy. I'm on my way.

Take your time, Elvis. Just don't be late.

Thirteen minutes.

It's loaded.

I can't... I can't.

Hey, Dylan, pull it together.

You can't slack off now. I need you, boy.

Put down your weapon, now!

Officer, this is all a misunderstanding.

Everything's fine.

I don't have time to explain. I gotta go upstairs.

There's a madman up there with my wife and daughter!

I said put down your weapons!

It's Elvis.

It's the radio star.

You're gonna screw everything up, Officer.

I'm really sorry, but I gotta go.

Don't move!

Dispatch, I have two individuals, one armed,

at the bottom of the KLAT-FM building.

There's one man down. Requesting backup.

You haven't heard, or what?

Why don't you call one of your higher-IQ buddies at the station?

We're being attacked by a madman.

I'm not talkin' to you!

You're gonna put down that weapon. I'm coming in.

Don't. You can't come in.

Oh, I'm coming in.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

No, please, please don't.

Don't-- Don't touch that door!

- Put down your fuckin' weapons! - Elvis!

Do as he says.

Huh?

Okay, okay! I'm putting it down.

Back away from the door or we all die!

Shut up!

Officer Glen. Stand back.

Do not enter the building. I repeat, this is an order.

Do not enter the building.

Backup will arrive in two minutes.

Copy that. What should I do?

Nothing. You stay put.

The situation is extremely dangerous.

Dispatch is handling it. SWAT is on its way.

Freeze! Stop moving!

Hey, you guys deaf or what? I said stop.

Okay, okay, we're stopped.

We're gonna sit down right here, okay?

Good. Okay.

Oh, fuck!

Now, as much as I'm enjoying watching you scurry around like mice,

I wonder if our listeners aren't getting a little bored.

So let's play a game.

I've stopped the clock, and I'm going to give you the chance

to win ten bonus minutes!

All you have to do is crack the code.

What code? Oh, it's simple.

You have four people on your team.

Mary and Steven are right here with me,

even if they are a bit "tied up" at the moment.

And then there's Dylan and you.

Four players, four chances.

I'm going to give you three numbers,

and you have to find the correct order.

If you don't, you lose ten minutes

and one of you will be disciplined.

Gary, I don't wanna play this fucking game.

Shut your mouth and play!

Okay, okay, calm down. Keep your shorts on.

Excellent!

Let's start with Steven.

Come on over to the microphone, Steven.

These are the numbers: One, two and three.

What order do you want to try?

Don't come up! He's crazy! It's a trap!

It's a fuckin' trap!

You guys aren't off to a very good start.

Fortunately Steven won't be opening his mouth

to talk any more shit.

It's time to move on to the second member of your team-- Mary.

Come on down.

Remember, we have three numbers:

One, two and three.

Well, Mary, you'd better not screw this up.

Steven has endangered the team by acting like an asshole.

So think hard now, Mary, and...

Three...

two... one.

No dice!

But well played.

Two more chances.

Elvis, over to you.

Two, three, one.

Nope! So, it's not two, three, one. It's not three, two, one.

Don't shit yourself, Dylan.

Mathematically, there are only four possible combinations left.

It's your turn.

I'm not gonna tell you what I've got planned if you lose

because I don't wanna put too much pressure on you,

but, uh, if you don't crack that code,

Mary might not thank you.

Well?

One...

three...

two.

Bravo! One, three, two is correct!

You've won an extra...

You can take your time coming upstairs.

I'll be waiting for you to music.

Maestro, take it away!

Wait, wait!

There's no time. We gotta go.

I'm dead.

If we reach the top out of breath,

we'll be good for nothing.

Steven's right, it's a trap.

Stairs, corridors-- Gary's got it all figured out.

You're right, we'll be walking right into the lion's den.

From the start, he's wanted you to go down to reception.

He knew you'd stop at the video room on the way

and he knew he could take your place at the microphone

and still make you come back up-- why?

Why? 'Cause he's having fun.

He wants me to suffer.

Most lunatics don't see their crazy plans through,

but this guy, we got ahold of a bona fide psychopathic killer.

I'm sorry I dragged you into this, kid, really I am,

but we gotta go, there's nothing else for it.

What's gonna happen up there? I don't know.

He'll be expecting us to come through the stairway door,

and then he'll probably...

Fuck.

We got to find a different way.

Oh... Oh.

Oh, come on!

It's not there. We've still got one floor to go.

Yeah.

Okay.

Come on, kid.

Okay.

Oh, shit!

Ah, the dulcet tones of opera never did anybody any harm.

Let's take a moment to catch up

with our favorite idiot, Elvis.

I don't see Olivia or Adria anywhere,

but he's got Mary tied up.

Fuck. Okay. Now he's probably expecting us to...

Oh, fuck!

Fuck!

This is my fault.

I told him to come up here.

He's expecting us to come from the stairway.

We'll run in this door, get in behind him,

we'll jump him, and then...

What? I don't think I can do this.

Okay, okay. Listen.

Look, you take this, all right?

You're gonna need it more. Give me the box cutter.

And then we'll both...

Well, I'll go in, I'll get control of him.

You run around the back to the other door

and get the drop on him that way, okay,

and try and find my family, all right?

Okay. Okay.

You ready? I'm depending on you. Okay.

One, two, three, go!

Game's up, Gary. It's all over.

I finally get to meet the star in person.

I swear, if you don't tell me where they are,

I'm gonna... You're gonna what?

Huh? Slit my throat on the air?

At least everybody will see your true colors.

Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, Elvis is about to kill somebody live on the air.

Bad luck, it's me.

This will be Elvis's second murder.

First he killed Lauren, because yes,

it is your fault she committed suicide.

Now he's after the helpless boyfriend.

The good news is, something's finally happening on this boring-ass show.

Dylan.

Cut Mary loose, and, Mary, when he does that,

get us off the air, okay?

Oh, no, no, no, that's a bad idea.

You don't wanna do that.

What's that? You're gonna laugh.

If you kill me, I'll have to drop this,

and if the button comes up, bada boom!

What kind of B-grade movie bullshit is this?

You didn't think I was gonna let you come up here and ruin the end of the show?

I figured somebody would catch me eventually.

This is my "get out of jail free" card.

Ah, right on time.

The game might not be over just yet.

I'd get that if I were you, Elvis.

Mary.

Put it on speaker.

Hello?

Good day, sir. Thank you for your call.

How are you today?

Can you introduce yourself?

Politeness would dictate that the caller should introduce himself first,

though I think I actually know who you are.

And thank you because you've called at a great time.

I'm Bruce, LAPD SWAT team.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Bruce. My name is Gary--

Shut the fuck up, Gary. Bruce, this is Elvis.

I got ahold of a guy here in the studio

who's already killed or kidnapped several people already.

He stashed my wife and daughter someplace.

I don't know where the fuck they are.

And he's holding a device,

says he's gonna blow the entire building up.

I don't know if it's true or not. I think it could be bullshit.

We're aware of the situation. I'm sorry.

We found your wife and daughter on the terrace,

and... and, uh...

What, what? What, what?

Did you kill them? Did you fucking kill them?

We have a problem.

That's for sure.

What the hell is going on? Are they dead?

No. No, they're alive.

I'm not a monster.

You're projecting your own personality onto me.

Well, then what's the problem?

They're tied up with explosives we can't identify.

Bomb squad's on its way,

and this phone number was written on a piece of paper taped to them,

so I called it.

You sick motherfucker.

And you're a smart guy so I think you can guess what'll happen

if I lift my finger off the detonator?

We'll have fireworks up on the terrace.

So, please, be so kind as to put down the knife and go sit.

It's you I've come for, not them.

So trust me.

Trust you.

Yeah, you could use a little more trust.

Okay, you have two options:

either you kill me and I blow up Adria and Olivia,

or you can be reasonable and go sit the fuck down.

No.

Bruce, these explosives.

Can they be deactivated?

I don't know, I'm telling you.

Never seen anything like it in my life.

It's got a motion detector, so if they move,

I think it might set off the bomb and...

and there's a digital keypad for a code.

I'm assuming Gary knows the code.

Gary?

Yes, I can give you that code.

But first tell Elvis to remove his fucking knife from my throat.

It's sharp.

Oh, kid, it's no use.

Can't you see this has nothing to do with you?

Same as for the knife.

You shoot me, and the terrace goes boom.

So does the parking lot, the reception, everything.

That's what I call ending the show with a bang.

No use, kid, drop it.

That's right, Dylan. Listen to Daddy.

Drop the gun.

Oh, okay, you wanna be a hero?

Okay, I've got an idea.

Why don't we remove the explosive vests from Adria and Olivia

and put them on you instead?

You can save the widow and the orphan.

You'll go down in the history books, man.

Now, there's a slight chance you'll get blown up in the process,

but, uh, I think it's worth it, don't you?

Hey, put the vests on me.

It's me you want.

Let me wear all your crappy explosives

and let these others go, they're innocent.

But that's no fun, Elvis.

No, the fun part is making you choose:

who would you rather wear the vests,

your wife and daughter or the new kid?

Oh, my God. I've got another idea.

Let's draw straws.

Elvis, you get to choose who wears the vests.

I am gonna write down the name of each person,

uh, except my own, of course.

I'm not that crazy.

All right, Elvis, you do the honors.

It's me.

Wow. That is classy.

I'd applaud, but that would blow everything up.

Don't fuck with me, Elvis.

Tell us the truth. It's me.

Now, how is that possible?

Luck has spoken.

Dylan, you are the winner and tonight's superhero.

Now, why don't you hand over that gun?

Officer Bruce, you still there?

I'm gonna give you the deactivation codes for the two vests.

Then you're gonna carry them down to us very carefully,

because they're fragile.

Now, remember, if I drop this detonator,

all the other bombs are going to blow up.

Okay, Gary, I'm listening.

For Olivia,

060877 and the star key.

For Adria,

040478.

Okay. Thanks.

No, hold on, shit. It's the other way around.

Um, 040478 is Olivia, 060877 is Adria.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

I guess we're about to find out.

Beep... beep-beep-beep.

It's okay.

It looks like the vests have been deactivated.

What a relief. To be honest, I wasn't 100% sure about those codes.

I'm glad this worked out.

Everything's fine. Olivia and Adria are safe.

We're evacuating them now.

Okay, Bruce, but hurry up. My hand's starting to cramp.

I don't know how much longer I can hold onto this thing.

Thanks.

For what? You know I'm gonna kill you, right?

For letting my family go.

Gary, we all understand your misfortune.

But you don't have to kill anybody.

Tonight, all our listeners heard what he did to Lauren.

Everyone understands how you feel.

If you keep Elvis alive,

he'll have to live with himself.

After all, he's to blame for everyone who died tonight.

- We can agree on that. - Exactly.

This is all his fault. He's the one to blame.

If you let us all go, we'll remember only your pain and mercy.

Everyone will understand what you went through in the army.

The public will be on your side.

But if you kill him,

that'll end it all.

If Lauren were here, right at this moment,

she'd tell you that you did well.

Elvis has played some nasty tricks on me too.

The worst jokes since I started working here.

I can imagine what Lauren felt.

Really. Thank you.

You've got the message out.

Tomorrow Elvis won't have a show anymore.

But that's it. That's enough.

It's time to stop, okay?

That's good, Gary.

I'm upstairs at the door.

I'm alone.

All right, come on in, Bruce, and no funny business

or I'm gonna shoot Elvis and I'll blow it all to hell.

Calm down, Gary. Remember--

Shut the fuck up! That was all empty talk.

You were leading me on, weren't you?

No. Shh!

Gary.

See?

I'm here.

I'm not armed. Everything's fine.

Why don't you help Dylan get dressed? I think he's a little bit cold.

Good.

I'm sorry, kid. It's gonna be all right.

Hurry it up, Bruce.

Now, on vest number one,

enter 040478.

Vest number two.

060877.

Okay, Gary. This whole place is surrounded.

We all want this to end well.

We'd like to offer you a deal.

Boring!

God! Oh!

I just... I just don't know how this can end, guys.

It's not looking good, though, is it?

Not looking good at all.

You know what? Fuck it.

Let's free our listeners from this never-ending show.

Elvis, let me just say you are the world's worst fucking radio host.

Now let's end this with fireworks.

No!

That was a riot!

That was amazing.

How the hell did we pull that off?

Whoo!

- I think we just... - Insane. Insane.

...performed the greatest prank in the history of this show!

My dear listeners.

I'm sorry if we gave you a huge scare.

But this whole thing, this entire thing was just one big hoax.

Yes, that's right.

Yes!

We were screwing with you, that's right.

We're a bunch of dirty deceivers.

And I'm sure his fans recognized him from the very start.

Gary was played by none other than James Steel,

the king of the Internet!

I think he slept with Bezos to get the title.

Yeah! What an actor.

What a performance. That was really amazing.

In fact, it was so good, I was in on it,

I thought you'd snapped.

Hey, what's up, everybody?

That was one crazy trip,

and you know you'll be finding all the videos

posted to my social media tomorrow.

Yes, that's right, we filmed it all!

I just wanna give another shout out to my man,

who we devised this prank for over the past several weeks.

The one and only Dylan!

Yeah!

And, Olivia, get your talented ass over here.

All right, that was incredible! Oh, my God.

This is a very gifted actress called Carole Weyers.

And she not only did Olivia but the voice of Adria.

"Daddy, please save me!"

And a big bravo to Richard Anderson,

who played our very credible SWAT guy.

You really were pretty scared, man.

Yeah.

And, of course, we warned LA and Pasadena's PD in advance.

We gotta keep our cops kosher, right?

So, let me clarify that no police were involved,

hurt or made to look worse than they actually are.

So...

By the way, Mary and I...

we're actually not sleeping together.

Oh! Yet.

I have a rule: no men over 80 years old.

Oh, yeah, you don't want old age creeping up on you.

And Justin back from the dead!

Whoo! Whoo!

Must eat your brain!

My brains, aw, it's a very small thing.

You know you got off on watching me dead.

Oh, yeah, I want your fuckin' slot, man,

but you know I love you, buddy, I love you.

But you did say, "Go fuck yourself."

You didn't mean that, did you?

Oh, I meant it. I was kind of hurt by that.

I'm a big fan of yours, you know that.

I was really proud to be a part of this. Thanks. What a suck-up.

I'd like to say something.

I'd like to say something if I may.

You know, I really want to apologize

for having attacked poor Dylan.

Yeah, dude, what were you thinking?

You freaked me out. You were supposed to attack me.

I don't know. Listen, I just got carried away.

I mean, I was so excited. Sorry.

This is Tony, played by Tony.

A very highly strung performance there.

Tony's one of the crazy actors

who's been working with me for years.

Elvis, this is one of the best shows of my life, thank you.

Dylan, we promised to make you feel welcome,

and I think, I think we've done just that, yeah, don't you?

But the real question is, after all of this...

will we see you back in the studio tomorrow

or are you gonna just go away and hate us for the rest of your life?

- Awww! - Aw, come on!

Dylan!

Maybe we went too far.

Dylan. Dylan.

Dylan, come on, bro. Come on.

Dylan. Don't be that guy.

Hey, buddy!

Buddy!

You're better than that.

Dylan, come on, dude.

Dylan? Dylan?

Come on back. Let's be live, baby.

Tell us what you thought of all this.

I mean, we really worked our asses off for you, kid.

Oh, come on!

- Oh, come on. - Yes!

Probably crossed the line there.

Hey.

Hey, Carole, the mic.

Come on, Dylan. Don't get mad, get even.

All right?

Hey, say a few words to the listeners.

Come on, kid, speak up.

Come on, kid, it's your moment. Let's go.

Come on, dude. Hey, Dylan, man up, come on.

We've all had to change our shorts more than once this year.

Hey, what...?

Whoa! Holy shit!

Oh, my God! Dylan!

Call 911!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Shit.

He's dead.

What?

We're taking away the body.

We will need you for the deposition.

Please go home so we can find you.

There are dozens of journalists and press out the front.

You should go through the back.

Go home to Olivia and Adria.

How many times did I warn you?

I told you it was too much.

You killed him, Elvis.

It's your fault. You did this.

He was just a kid.

For years I've been telling you to put some limits on your practical jokes,

but no, it was never enough for you.

I knew it. I fucking knew it would end badly.

I don't even have to fire you because your career is over now.

I'm done.

I won't ever go on the mic again.

Where are you going now?

Home.

No, no, no, no. Come here. Come here.

Reporters are crawling everywhere.

The bloodsuckers are waiting by your car.

Come on, get in. I'll take you home. Get in.

Fuck, Elvis!

The media will get you.

And your family too.

I won't be surprised if they leave you.

You'll probably be serving time.

You're gonna need a fucking good lawyer, that's for sure.

Okay, I need to calm down now.

Max, please, turn on the radio.

As we said earlier, breaking news.

From what we know, something happened during the night

at the KLAT-FM radio station. Stay here.

We'll explain it in details later,

but I was told that radio star Elvis Cooney

is apparently listening to the radio...

Face it. ...right now.

And we have a very important message for him.

Elvis, happy birthday.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Surprise.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, honey.

Dylan!

What the...? You motherfuckers.

You motherfuckers! We got ya!

Oh, Jesus!

You! Come here.

I'm glad you're still alive. I really am, I'm glad, kid.

Actually, it's Max.

Horse falls, car stunts, and, uh... staircases.

Kind of a Stuntman 101.

And we threw in a few little extras.

- Like that fight with Tony. - Oh.

Ah, you!

When Mary told us she wanted to trap the next newbie,

I called James and we came up with this beautiful happy ending.

- Happy birthday! - Mary!

Happy birthday, you prick!

You should have seen your face!

Oh, you were fucked up.

Say "cheese," Elvis.

You know this reaction shot is going viral.

Yay! Yes, yes!

You fuckin' got me!

You're all a bunch of complicit assholes, okay?

Sleep with one eye open because my revenge will be ruthless.

Ohh!

Now, it is time for bed, yeah? Yes.

So we'll leave you with the final word.

What do you wanna say?

I'll have the final word, all right. Um...

I'll see you all tomorrow.

Things are gonna get crazy.

♪ I've got you on the line ♪

♪ I beg you to take your time ♪

♪ So we can talk ♪

♪ For a while ♪

♪ Please don't hang up now ♪

♪ Let me see you End this doubt ♪

♪ Keep me ♪

♪ And love around ♪