Original subtitles

ln the time when night was still completely ruled by darkness, subtitles re-synched by Surplusletterbox on 30th Oct 2010

the night did not belong to humans, it belonged to monsters.

But as time passed, night became a thing of mankind,

and all the monsters who lost their place went and disappeared into the void.

Or not!

They dove right into the humans' world.

Hey!

Some of them revived their old forms.

[A wall from Japanese folklore that can follow travelers on dark mountains and is never-ending, causing them to get trapped.] Nurikabe

[A wall from Japanese folklore that can follow travelers on dark mountains and is never-ending, causing them to get trapped.] Nurikabe

You sound so cute.

And some of them use their powers quite well.

[An old man who cries like a baby and lures travelers to himself to steal their energy.] Konaki-jijii

[An old man who cries like a baby and lures travelers to himself to steal their energy.] Konaki-jijii

Come on, make some more noise!

Beg for more.

And some of them...

Welcome back, Master!

Ma�d's Sgrrgt y WgIromg Homg

Dracula

That hurt! What are you doing?

Not again!

Are they gone?

Geez, what are you getting all worked up about?

Okay...

But my dream has finally come true!

My dream to work in a maid cafe!

My dream to work in a maid cafe!

your fangs are going to come out again,

and what if someone saw and they found out?

Dracula?

Umm, well...

We were just saying that mixing up the words manicure and pedicure is easy.

We were just chatting, don't wory.

Talk about that on your break.

l'd like to start the meeting now.

Oh, sorry.

Good morning!

Good morning!

First things first, l would like to introduce our two new members.

So, please introduce yourselves.

My name is Chika Asada. Pleased to meet you!

Pleased to meet you.

My name is Eme Akagawa. l'm 20.

l like pungent foods, like natto,

or foods that stimulate the palate, or are an acquired taste.

l love those kinds of foods!

The kinds that invade your nose, or just plain stink, or...

Do you know what l mean?

Where you just can't ignore them because they're here, here, here!

l really break for those kinds of foods!

My ideal guy is short, fat, bald, with sweaty armpits

or any type of guy you think should make a straight dash for soap.

A person like us monsters, really!

Hey, hey...

Ugh, l scared them away!

l wonder why?

Why don't you do your intense introduction during the break?

Anyway, today is another day to do our best!

Yes, yes.

Welcome back, Master.

Would you care for milk in your coffee?

Welcome back, Master! Just one moment, please.

Thank you for... l mean, welcome back, Master!

Uh, yeah.

Please come this way.

So, how do l look? Does it suit me?

lt does.

You can say it with a little more enthusiasm!

But l'm not interested in stuff like cosplay.

This is the first time l've been to a place like this.

l don't care!

l don't care!

Sit down.

Sit down.

You should be saying stuff like, ''You're so pretty, Chika,''

or ''Anything looks good on you, Chika.''

Or ''You are such a wonde_ul and beautiful girl.''

That's what l'm talking about.

You look really cute.

l knew it! And what else?

Nothing particularly...

So, that's all you have to say to me.

No, l like you! l love you!

Well then, why don't you just say so?

This is not your private time.

Excuse me.

Chika Eme

Our boss, he's quite the slave driver.

You mean monster driver, right?

lt doesn't matter, but l haven't sweated this much in ages.

l'm soaked.

[Literally, ''mud-licker,'' a monster that licks up dirt while people sleep.] Akaname

Hey, Eme.

Yeah?

You've never done that in front of a guy, have you?

Of course not.

Not my own body.

Well, that's good then.

What then? If you have a complaint, why don't you take it up with God?!

The god who went ahead and made me an akaname!

God, huh?

No way! Is this for real?

Yes, yes!

What should l do?

Or rather, now l know there's a god!

Well, that's a given if monsters exist.

Yeah...

Thank you, God of Encounters.

What's that?

Look at this!

''When can we meet again?''

Who is this from?

A guy called Suda.

''l am in total love...''

Oh, my!

''...with your amazing technique.''

ls what he said!

l'm so lucky l was born an akaname!

What exactly is the point of this conversation?

Well, to cut to it, he's tying to pick me up.

A nice smell...

To put it shortly.

Let's shorten it even further, to a letter!

You have a vey girly sense.

You're totally turning me on!

You know, this is the first time someone has complemented how l smell.

Hey...

Just leave it to me.

Huh?

Hang on, l haven't showered yet.

ls that all right?

ln fact, l prefer it.

Let's just say he's wonde_ul.

l just can't understand your taste in men.

l wouldn't expect a virgin to understand.

What is that supposed to mean?

Though l think it would be better for a virgin to fall for these kind of...

How should l say it... ...acquired-taste, stinky guys.

l don't see what you like about that regular guy.

That's exactly what l like about him. Don't you think it's normal to want a regular guy?

Huh?

No matter how long we live in the human world,

we can't get away from the fact that we're not human.

And isn't the basis of love wanting what don't have yourself?

Oh, so you think that as soon as you find a bo_riend, you can give lectures on love?

You're just the kind of girl who would want to become a celebrity.

But even if you did, you'd only get as far as mini.

You mini-celebrity!

That kind of Western gesture doesn't suit a Japanese monster.

Oh, well, who's the Western monster who can't speak English to save her life?

Hey, l was born and raised in Japan.

Hello? Makoto?

Oh, it's fine.

Okay, l'll be right over.

They've been going out for two weeks.

So, l guess they're at the stage where they want to meet without reason.

Oh, that feels so good.

What's wrong? You totally spaced out.

Oh, nothing, l just had a little day dream.

Day dream?

F..Forget about it!

But you must be thirsty!

Can l get you something to drink?

Can l get you something to drink?

l thought you would say that, so l got some.

Yay, thanks!

lt's rare to find someone who likes tomato juice as much as you do.

l like the color.

So, what about acerola?

Nah, l'll pass, the color's too weak.

What's wrong?

Huh?

What?

Uh, nothing!

Sory, l think l drank too much. l don't feel so good.

l'm going home.

Hey, Chika!

Drank too much?

lt was just tomato juice.

Who would've thought that getting turned on would make my fangs come out.

Maybe it's impossible to date humans.

Hey, Dracula girl.

Or, shorter Dora girl.

Don't shorten it like that.

Why are you so edgy?

Or could it be that time of the month?

l'm not a particularly big fan of sexual harassment.

Sory, sory.

lt's just that l'm always here, spacing off alone,

and sometimes l get the urge for some stimulation.

Why don't you bring that up with some other monster?

You don't have to get all worked up!

l can see something's on your mind.

lf you like, you can tell me about it.

Maybe some other time.

What other time? Hey, Dora girl!

Wait!

l may be a vampire, but l don't drink blood and l'm fine with water.

When l look into a mirror, l can see my reflection just fine.

l'm eighty percent human, so dating shouldn't be a problem!

How long do you plan on staying in bed?

Oww, it's hot, hot!

Hot, hot, hot!

Sunblock

l guess l can't really handle garlic, crucifixes or the sun.

Maybe l'm not that normal after all.

Huh?

And go!

Pon, pon, jan, ken, moe, moe, pon!

The scissors win this round!

And go!

Pon, pon, jan, ken, moe, moe, pon!

Masters with rock win this round!

And now for the final round!

And go!

Pon, pon, jan, ken, moe, moe, pon!

What's wrong?

My stomach hurts.

Are you okay?

Or is this your period?

Yeah...

A vampire who doesn't drink blood, but expels it...

lsn't that rather strange?

How should l know?

lt's busy, girls, so get to work!

Welcome back, Master!

What may l bring you?

Orange juice, and then, your profile.

My profile?

l mean, isn't it normal to want to know evemhing about the person you're going out with?

Excuse me?

Oh, l'm not tying to pick you up or anything.

l'm proposing.

Can you write your profile on here?

Goodbye, Master.

Are you okay?

You look pale, you probably Iost too much blood.

Why don't you just jump on some guy and suck some back?

Stop making fun of me.

That's not what's wrong. There's a weird customer and he's creepy.

You know, Chika, l'll tell you straight up...

Whatever that guy is, l'm sure a vampire is even weirder and creepier.

l'm sory, but l don't want a mud-licker telling me l'm creepy.

Sucking blood or licking mud... It's the same difference, isn't it?

lt's totally different!

Vampires and mud-lickers have different traditions and come from different countries!

Yeah, like the difference between snot and eye-crust.

So what?

What's wrong?

Look, l got this.

l got this too, you know.

Huh?

Let's just say that Taichi Bando is famous in the otaku world.

Ask me anything about the maids on N.

l'm the number one master in Akihabara.

Apparently, he's won the master contest because he's so much into maids

that they don't even have to say ''Welcome back, Master''.

l don't know if that's impressive or kind of sad.

And they say that since then, he's gotten really into it and has started

calling himself a maid critic.

You certainly know a lot about him.

Let me guess, you went out with him?

Just for a bit.

He may look a bit dodgy, but he sounds really rich, but...

But?

He has money, but it's his parents' money.

He's basically a little rich boy.

Those are the worst.

His house is in a church and once he took me there.

A church? That makes it even worse!

Oh, what should l do?

Don't wory, someone will protect you.

But who?

l'll do it, don't wory.

Really? Thank you, thank you!

How much longer is he going to stay?

l'm going out now.

Going out?

That's what you say in this business, isn't it?

Remember it, already.

How much?

A glass of orange juice will be 600 yen.

Keep the change as a tip, and a present.

Commemorating the day we met.

Oh, and make sure you fill out the profile for ne_ time.

What is this?

What's up?

l was just worried that weirdo customer might be following us.

What weirdo customer?

Oh, that creepy critic guy?

Yeah, he was just eating you up, wasn't he.

lt was practically criminal.

l'm scared! Will you walk me home?

Don't wory, l'll be the best bodyguard.

Even as l am now,

l got into the semi-finals for the Ultimate Super Special Deluxe Monster Wars.

And who won?

Frankenstein.

And the second runner up was Sadako.

But l've got the ne_ one in the bag!

Hello, Mr. Suda!

Yes, oh really?

l'm coming, l'm coming right over!

Well, l'll be off then.

Right now?

Of course, right now.

And until morning.

To tell you the truth, he got a little worked up Iast time when we talked about cosplay.

lt seems like he got his hands on a nice costume.

l'll send you a picture later. See ya.

And what about being my bodyguard?

l'll do it.

Nurikabe...

l'll protect you.

But you can't even move!

l'm sory.

Does this turn you on?

l'm so turned on right now.

Okay, but you're not allowed to imagine anything other than what l do.

Of course! It was because of your acting that l got turned on.

Oh? Well, l take off my skirt and then...

Yeah?

And the rest will be a surprise for the ne_ time.

Okay.

But l think a high school girl would be good too.

Yeah, huh?

A high school girl is good!

Here you go!

Speaking of high school girls!

A uniform?

Huh?

Makoto?

Huh?

What is this?

ls this all right?

lt's pe_ect!

Sit down, come on.

Sit down.

Yeah, sit down.

Yes...

And here l come!

Hey, why am l dressed like this exactly?

Because it's always been my dream!

Dream?

Yeah, having a serious, tough girl push me around.

You see, l went to an all-boys school, so l never got picked on by girls.

So, l'm guessing you're submissive?

All the way.

So, go ahead and order me around!

Hey, if you're going to lick it, then fucking lick it all ready.

lf you don't, l'll make you go get Iunch from the other school!

Y..Yes, ma'am!

What the fuck are you doing with your hands?

Please forgive me!

Just make me feel good already!

Yeah, do that harder.

l said harder!

l said, fucking harder!

l'm tying!

l really am!

l wonder if Makoto's pissed off?

Do l have permission to rip your stockings?

As long as it feels good, you can do whatever you want.

Okay, l will do my best!

l'll start now.

Does that feel good?

Yeah...

Do l have permission to take a look?

Sure, look.

l will now proceed to lick you.

Okay...

Fucking do it already!

That feels great, you fucker!

Please allow me to enter you!

Sure, come on.

You better be good.

lt feels good... Do it harder! Harder!

Harder!

One Week Later

Hey, could you give me the profile soon?

l'm sory, l lost it.

You lost it?

Back after a week, he must really like you.

Oh, please stop.

And l'm having problems with Makoto.

Since that time?

Yeah, it's gotten weird.

Welcome back, Master!

Make up with him.

Uh...

l'm sory for that other time!

Huh?

l was avoiding you.

lt felt weird to call.

You must be mad.

No, not at all!

You don't have to apologize!

l'm the one who should be apologizing.

Then, l'm relieved.

What do you say?

These are for your ne_ day off.

l'll definitely be there!

l'm so happy!

Makoto, you're really nice.

l really do love you!

That's great.

l can't wait!

lt's supposed to be a lot of fun.

lt's supposed to be a lot of fun.

lt's vey well known.

What's the movie called?

That's a secret!

That's a secret!

Come on, hury up!

Don't wory, we have plenty of time!

Are you okay? You look really tired.

l've been kind of tired lately.

Wasn't the scene with Jesus and the crucifix hilarious?

Yeah, it was funny.

l didn't look at the title!

l didn't look at the title!

lf you're tired, why don't we go eat something that will give you your strength back?

You mean it?

Oh, you're so nice! Let's go!

Let's go!

Ultra Garlicky Ramen Super Garlicky Ramen Demon Garlic Ramen Garlic Ramen 800 Yen 700 Yen 650 Yen 600 Yen

Ultra Garlicky Ramen Super Garlicky Ramen Demon Garlic Ramen Garlic Ramen 800 Yen 700 Yen 650 Yen 600 Yen

Ultra Garlicky Ramen Super Garlicky Ramen Demon Garlic Ramen Garlic Ramen 800 Yen 700 Yen 650 Yen 600 Yen

Ultra Garlicky Ramen Super Garlicky Ramen Demon Garlic Ramen Garlic Ramen 800 Yen 700 Yen 650 Yen 600 Yen

Ultra Garlicky Ramen Super Garlicky Ramen Demon Garlic Ramen Garlic Ramen 800 Yen 700 Yen 650 Yen 600 Yen

All right! One portion of demon garlic!

Ne_ order?

One large garlicky ramen.

One large garlicky ramen coming right up!

All right, thanks! One regular garlicky ramen!

And what can l get you?

An e_ra portion of garlic.

E_ra portion of garlic, coming right up!

Thank you vey much!

Welcome!

l think being a vampire here might be lethal.

Are you all right?

l think l just ate too much.

You didn't eat a bite.

You should go home for today.

Can you make it by yourself?

Don't throw up.

Swallow it.

Oh, it's you, Nurikabe.

What happened?

Are you drunk?

l'm not drunk, but l feel like it.

Did something happen?

l want to have a normal relationship too.

l want to have normal sex like a normal person.

Hey now, even though l'm an immobile wall, l'll get an erection too.

l'm sory, it was a joke to lighten the mood.

Not that l have anything that can get erect.

What good is it if you get depressed too?

l think l picked the wrong guy to talk to.

That's not true.

Well anyway...

Even though you're a monster, you're the descendant of a descendant of Dracula, right?

Yeah...

lt's not like you want to drink blood and have your fangs out all the time.

They come out when l get excited though.

Anyway, among us monsters, you're vey close to being human.

So, l don't think you have to wory about being a monster.

You think so?

Of course.

l'm always hitting on human girls.

Watch...

Hey, sey.

My failure rate is a hundred percent though.

lt's your fault that girl thought l was a total weirdo!

Not my problem.

l get it!

What?

This spot is supposed to be a beacon for paranormal powers.

That's vey rude. Paranormal powers and monsters are completely different.

And?

But you helped buck me up a bit. Thanks.

Good.

You can talk to me anytime.

Which reminds me... Hey!

l've made up my mind.

l'm going to get over all my hang ups.

Huh?

Garlic, sunlight and crucifixes...

lf l get over these things, l'll be just like a normal girl!

Just like, huh?

Well, it would be better than so far! Please! Help me!

Uh, okay.

All right, here we go!

Becoming normal: chapter one!

Gather your courage and look upon this crucifix!

And now, touch it! Touch it!

Come on, you can do it!

l can do it!

l think!

Yes, you can!

l can!

l think that's Suda, hold this!

All right, so ne_ time we'll do a kendo role play!

Okay, goodnight!

Sory, l kept you wai... Oh!

Huh? l...

Chika...

Makoto?

l love you.

l want you, Chika.

Here?

Chika...

l'm going to put it in.

ls that okay?

Yeah...

lt hurts!

lt hurts!

l said, it hurts!

lt hurts!

l said, it hurts!

lt hurts!

Man, l'm beat.

Huh? Where's Makoto?

Why the hell would he be here?

Why did you have to wake me up at the good part?!

Kill me again.

Sure!

Good morning.

l'd like to have a long chat with you.

We don't have anything to talk about.

Are you going out with that guy?

Because you seemed to be having fun on your date.

How do you know that?

The guy who loves you wants to know evemhing about you,

your private life, evemhing.

Get away from me, you creep.

Hey, go out with me.

lf you did, through my influence, you could become the number one most popular maid.

l'm not interested.

Going out with me offers you so many more advantages than with that regular guy.

l like regular guys. Let go of me.

l said, let go!

Let go!

Don't come near me ever!

Could that girl be a...

This just got interesting!

Are you kidding me?

That's fine then.

Sounds like a fun job.

So, we just have to kidnap him?

For now.

We want the money up front.

All right, now l just have to wait until morning.

Who would call at this hour?

Hello?

Good morning.

Huh? How did you get my number?

l got it from Makoto.

What?

That's right, he's with me right now.

Did you hear that?

You better get here fast, or...

Where are you?

Okay, l'll be there right away.

Where are you going?

An empty warehouse in the ne_ town.

You understand why l called you, right?

Makoto doesn't have anything to do with this!

Will you just listen to what l have to say?

Do that and l'll give Makoto back to you unharmed.

l like it when you comply.

And l just wanted to make sure,

but l guess you didn't notice when you came in.

You really are a vampire.

This is going to be fun.

Will you two give me a hand?

Yes!

What makes you different from a human?

So, you don't like these either, huh?

lt's probably safer to kiss a vampire with garlic breath than lemon breath.

Here it comes, a garlic kiss!

lf you keep screaming like that, you're going to wake Makoto up!

Do you want him to see what we're doing to you!

l like it when you're being obedient.

Vampires and humans are both better when they're being obedient.

l wonder if this is like a human's too?

l've always wanted to ty this.

lt's not like you're human, so l'm sure it will be fine.

lt's going in!

Just a little bit more, it's going in!

l wonder if it'll hurt?

l wonder what's it's like?

l'm sure it will be okay.

Well, shall l ty it?

Let's ty to put it in already.

lt's going to go on!

l'm going to put it in!

Should l do it now?

l'll put it in now.

Who the hell are you?

l'm a swimmer who happened to pass by.

What the fuck does it look like?

So, are you guys ready to go to Hell?

Ah, so you're with her.

Why don't we just do her too, then?

Just come here nice and slow and nobody...

Don't fuck with akaname!

Come here, you fucking piece of shit.

Oh, what did they do to you?

l'm sory! Please!

Don't bite me!

l don't want to become a vampire!

Vampires only bite to transfer their own memories.

They only do it to the people they love the most.

You're not worth biting!

That was awesome!

Thanks for saving me.

Forget that! You need to participate in the Ultimate Super Special Deluxe Monster Wars!

With those punches, you'd buy Frankenstein!

Uh, no thanks, but how did you find this place?

And did you come here in that?

Well, yeah.

l had a cosplay date today as a swim-team girl.

l had just put it on when the nurikabe told me what had happened to you.

What time is it, anyway?

l have no idea.

Crap!

l'm totally going to get it from the swim coach!

You really came in those clothes?!

Oh yeah, Makoto!

Makoto, are you all right?

l'll untie you right away.

Makoto?

Did you see all that?

l'm sory l kept it from you all this time.

l just didn't know how to tell you.

But it's not like my heart is any different. l can fall in love just like humans.

Just believe that.

Goodbye.

You can fall in love, right?

l'm the same.

This is my first time.

lt's hot!

My body's getting so hot inside!

lt's hot!

l'm going to melt!

lt's so hot!

l didn't think a guy's thing would look like a stake.

You turned to ash again, didn't you?

Good timing on the SOS call.

Yeah, right before l turned to ash.

l imagine it'd be pretty bleak.

So, what did he say?

He said he doesn't want a girl who turns into ash each time we do it.

Oh, forget about these humans. You should go out with a monster.

Like the nurikabe, or something.

No way! He's totally not my type.

The ne_ time l go out with someone, l'm going to make sure evemhing's ready.

Your heart, you mean?

No, that.

What?

l mean, if it doesn't look like a stake, sex should be okay, don't you think?

What do l think?

What kind of fucked up relationship is it where you check 'it' before you start dating?

Why don't you help me figure it out?

No way!

You two! It's busy, so stop yakking! Work! Work!

Let's all moe moe together!

Welcome back, Master!