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1
00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:06,297
[radio announcer] Were you
or a loved one a victim
2
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:07,799
of the Noonan's cat rampage?
3
00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,468
Call Villigan's Law
and get justice meow!
4
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,679
This country's gotten
too litigious.
5
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,681
Uh, didn't that cat
kill your step-kid?
6
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:16,140
-Yeah.
-What the--
7
00:00:16,181 --> 00:00:17,392
[driver] Where'd she come from?
8
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:18,852
[Golden Glider] Sorry, boys.
9
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:19,978
This is your exit.
10
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,521
[grunts]
11
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,607
-[engine revving]
-[tires screech]
12
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:25,817
Whoa!
13
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,278
Time to remove
the hood ornament. [grunts]
14
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,615
-[grunts]
-[groans]
15
00:00:32,656 --> 00:00:33,992
Huh?
16
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,536
[Golden Glider] Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
17
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,413
[screaming]
18
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,290
[screams]
19
00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:41,791
[chuckles, groans]
20
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:45,253
Truck off, fellas!
We'll be taking your big load.
21
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,880
Not your best, babe.
22
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,341
I regretted it as soon as it
shot out of my mouth, babe.
23
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,258
Damn it!
24
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,011
[engine revving]
25
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,596
-Whoa!
-Uh-oh!
26
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:55,805
Hang on, babe.
27
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,599
[grunts] Gotcha!
28
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,809
-[yells]
-[grunts]
29
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,687
-Chuck!
-Babe, it's Kite Man
on the streets,
30
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,772
Chuck in the... [screams]
31
00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:06,191
Babe, look!
32
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,195
-[panting]
-[grunting]
33
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,826
[screams]
34
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:21,081
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Here comes Bane! ♪
35
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,707
[screams]
36
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,042
[grunts]
37
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,210
[Kite Man grunts]
38
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:26,670
-[Bane grunts]
-[Kite Man gasps]
39
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,799
[all screaming]
40
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,884
[screams, groans]
41
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,805
[both groaning]
42
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,395
[both grunt]
43
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,271
-[chuckles]
-[grunts]
44
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,234
And now to do
a little shopping.
45
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,152
Ooh! They have the Guten Tag
46
00:01:51,235 --> 00:01:52,487
three-piece
sectional set, babe!
47
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,864
And the Fjordside
coffee table, score!
48
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,283
[Bane] You know, I don't mind
helping you guys move.
49
00:01:57,366 --> 00:01:59,786
But please tell me
you're not going to put
50
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,246
that Thomas Blakemore piece
51
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,373
next to
the Fronkenschnitzelschnot.
52
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,584
[sirens blaring]
53
00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:11,381
♪ Hell, yeah!♪
54
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,554
[Bane grunting]
55
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,640
Bane, there you are.
Put the couch right here.
56
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,767
Scooch a teeny bit to the left.
57
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,185
-Smidge to the right.
-[grunting] Yes.
58
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,021
Just a hair north.
59
00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:27,689
Hell, yeah.
60
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:30,608
Good timing, 'cause I need
to use the little Bane's room.
61
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,485
Actually, Bane, could you bring
62
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,946
the Vad Ar Klockan table in
before you go?
63
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,448
I want to see how it looks
64
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,991
under my brand new collection
of nautical flags.
65
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:41,453
Fine, I will hold it.
But it's scientifically proven
66
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,288
that it is not good
for the bowel.
67
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,040
-It'll be quick, I promise.
-[grunts]
68
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:48,626
Babe, we need to get rid
of this disgusting,
old wallpaper.
69
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,463
[chuckles] I mean, how much
coke was Noonan doing?
70
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,257
I don't know, babe.
It's very '80s.
I kinda like it.
71
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,968
We're getting rid
of the wallpaper.
72
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,387
Oh, this is so bitchin'!
73
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,764
Our new home.
74
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,599
-And a whole new start.
-Hell, yeah!
75
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,934
I had no idea you were
this into ships and boats.
76
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,812
"A boat is a home
you can take anywhere."
77
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,440
No doubt. Wow,
we've literally just moved in,
78
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,650
and I'm already learning
so much more about you.
79
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,987
Hey, babe, this gallery wall
is kinda lopsided.
80
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,530
I mean, this is our home.
81
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,657
It should have pictures
from both of our families.
82
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,868
No, we should change it up.
83
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,912
Take all new pictures
of just us.
84
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,164
Come on, babe,
you gotta have some baby pics.
85
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,499
I bet you were so adorable.
86
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,084
I don't have any pics
from my childhood.
87
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,127
What? Not even
with Captain Cold?
88
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,671
Like a sweet bro-sis pic?
89
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,880
I said we don't have
any pictures!
90
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,340
-Okay.
-[exhales deeply]
91
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,341
Now, where is Bane
with the table?
92
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,178
You know, Babe, every time
I bring up your fam,
you change the subject.
93
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,930
[laughing] I do not.
94
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,516
Babe, honestly,
95
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,476
who do you think
is the best Jack Ryan, huh?
96
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,187
Babe, I know
what you're trying to do.
97
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,356
You want me
to say Harrison Ford.
98
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,734
But for me,
it is all Affleck all day.
99
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,361
There's my guy.
100
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,405
Oh, to be with someone
101
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:02,117
where we could decorate
a nautical apartment.
102
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,868
-[stomach churns]
-[groans]
103
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,203
I'm turtling!
104
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:08,373
Get out of my way,
ominous signage!
105
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,708
[Bane grunting]
106
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:10,750
[passing gas]
107
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,544
-[groaning]
-[passing gas]
108
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,048
And the denouement.
109
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,426
[sniffs]
110
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,553
Sometimes the courtesy flush
is just for you.
111
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,513
-Thank you, Bane.
-[toilet flushes]
112
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,769
[sighs]
113
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,187
[gasping]
114
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,397
I did not notice
115
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,733
this shag carpet
in the bathroom earlier.
116
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,652
Tres '80s and very impractical.
117
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,946
Huh? Hm.
118
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,449
I wonder where Kite Man
and Golden Glider went.
119
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,492
They really gave this place
a whole new look
120
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,911
in the brief time
I was pooping.
121
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,329
Hm.
122
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:51,707
A mint condition newspaper
from the 1980s.
123
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,753
-Hello, eBay!
-[wolf whistling]
124
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,255
-Hey, hey! Hey, sweet thing!
-[Bane] Hey!
125
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,591
Take your toxic masculinity
126
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,886
and send it back to the '80s
where it belongs!
127
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,262
Uh, wait a minute.
128
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,805
The bathroom decor.
129
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,098
The newspaper.
130
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,226
The socially acceptable
sexual harassment.
131
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:16,024
I've been flushed to the 1980s!
132
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,152
And that's why
if I ever get my dream dog,
133
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:22,155
which is a golden doodle,
I'll name it Jack Ryan.
134
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,573
No one can argue with that.
135
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:24,783
We need to bring the fridge up.
136
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,951
Is... is Bane still
in the bathroom?
137
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,164
Huh. Looks like
he went out the window.
138
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,082
He bailed on helping us move?
139
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,709
Ugh, freaking Bane.
140
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,170
Hello? Toilet?
141
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:40,048
I would like to be flushed
back to the future, please.
142
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,383
[rattling]
143
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,510
Damn you, portal potty!
144
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,471
My friends are probably
panicking right now.
145
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,641
There must be another way out!
146
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,517
Hm?
147
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,143
Gilder was right.
148
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,980
These walls look nice
without that hideous wallpaper.
149
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,732
Wait a minute!
150
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,693
If I write a message
on this wall,
151
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,486
Kite Man and Golden Glider
152
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,948
will see it when
they remove the wallpaper!
153
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,866
[grunting]
154
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:14,541
Wall, you will send my message
through time!
155
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,501
Well, now that it's just us,
156
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,795
we can talk about
your family sitch.
157
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,880
Huh. "Help!"
158
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,675
I found a portal potty
and took 'splosive shit
159
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,845
and when I flushed,
I got stuck in the past."
160
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,555
Hm. "'Splosive."
161
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,474
That sounds like
something Bane would say.
162
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,018
You think Bane
is stuck in the past?
163
00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:36,771
And there she goes
changing the old subject again.
164
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,982
Come on,
tell me about your childhood.
165
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:42,110
Please stop talking
about this, Chuck.
166
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,446
Fine, fine, babe. Fine.
167
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,782
It looks like
it's time to jack it.
168
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,702
As in, do what
Jack Ryan would do.
169
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,753
[Captain Cold] You found it!
170
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,213
[Kite Man] Captain Cold.
171
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,632
Uh, I thought we were meeting
at your place.
172
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,218
This is my place. Epic, right?
173
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,553
Yeah.
174
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,181
Uh, so I'm here
175
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,767
'cause your sister and I moved
into an apartment together.
176
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,102
No shit!
Congratulations, buddy.
177
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,979
-We talkin' two-bed, two-bath?
-Uh...
178
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,023
-1.5 bath?
-Uh, it's a two-bed, two-bath.
179
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,400
But back to the thing
I came here for.
180
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,070
Um, I was just hoping
to get the 411
181
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,198
about what life was like
for you and Glider growing up.
182
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,076
Well, Kite Dude, that sounds
like the kind of conversation
183
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:34,204
we should have in our kitchen
over a few cold ones
184
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,246
from our fridge.
185
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,082
Yeah, no.
186
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,334
Look, can you at least give me
a childhood pic of Glider?
187
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,087
I just need something
to hang on our gallery wall.
188
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:44,756
[clattering]
189
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,134
Vape cartridge,
64 gig USB drive.
190
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,469
That's just for my porn.
191
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,346
Got the greatest hits on there.
Found it!
192
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,640
That's her and Dad!
193
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:56,726
Wait, you guys went
to Noonan's as kids?
194
00:07:56,768 --> 00:08:00,271
Yep, that was taken the day
our parents died there.
195
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,524
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
196
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,902
We bought and are now
living above the bar
197
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,697
my girlfriend's parents
died in?
198
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,990
-[groans]
-Eh, you should ask Lisa.
199
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,284
But I gotta warn you,
she's real sensitive about it.
200
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,412
Totally, totally.
201
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,414
Well, uh, I gotta run.
202
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,290
I guess, thanks for the picture
203
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,961
and the paradigm shifting info
about my girlfriend's past.
204
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,633
Mm. Still no bars!
205
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:32,345
The '80s was not a good decade
for cell service.
206
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,347
Or candy! Candy Cigarettes?
207
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,350
Those are
not appropriate treats.
208
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,894
What next? Chocolate beer?
209
00:08:40,477 --> 00:08:42,147
[Bane groans]
210
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,816
Ah! Well, that looks fun.
211
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:48,820
Hold up. There is no lifeguard,
and no fence!
212
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,157
That is not a pool.
It is a drowning machine.
213
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:52,991
Hey!
214
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,326
You kids all need sunblock!
215
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,829
You're begging for skin cancer.
216
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,164
-[engine rumbling]
-Whoa!
217
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:03,335
"Asbestos installation"?
You cannot install that!
218
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:07,047
Oh, my God, the '80s
is nothing but a minefield
219
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:11,176
of irresponsibility
and certain death.
220
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,595
♪ I love it! ♪
221
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,263
[upbeat music
playing over stereo]
222
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,354
So I said, "Was that
my umbrella up your ass?"
223
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,022
[canned laughter sound plays]
224
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:24,981
You see?
225
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,358
-Lafftrak get it.
-[gun cocks]
226
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:30,445
What did I tell you
about laughing in my bar?
227
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,113
[canned exclamation
sound plays]
228
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,824
How's my least favorite
teetotaler doing?
229
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,702
I'm fantastic, Sean.
I just made partner.
230
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,705
I think I might celebrate
with my first ever drink.
231
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,415
[Noonan]
Here's our cocktail menu.
232
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:46,711
I suppose just one
Slippery Slope can't hurt.
233
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,884
[belches]
234
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,511
Want a beer chaser?
235
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,471
Make it a six-pack!
236
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,390
Six-pack it is!
237
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,394
Wow, Dubelz Brothers!
238
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,896
You look so... both alive.
239
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,232
Yeah, we've been eating
more fiber lately.
240
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,318
-Life changing stuff.
-That's probably it.
241
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,695
What a stugots.
242
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,321
I'd rather get
my brains blown out
243
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:14,656
than hang out with that guy.
244
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,867
[Bane] Psst. Noonan. Sean.
245
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,661
I'm sorry, have we met?
246
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,496
It is me, Bane!
247
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,914
I'm from the future.
248
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,916
I used the Portal Potty
249
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,793
and now I don't know
how to get back!
250
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,336
[chuckles nervously]
What? What?
251
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,171
A Portal Potty? Ha!
252
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,632
I don't have a clue
what you're talking about.
253
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:36,261
Look, there's only one way
you can get back to the future.
254
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,471
And if you mess this up,
you're screwed.
255
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,559
You have to take a piss
in the Portal Potty
256
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,769
and then flush.
257
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,062
That's it?
258
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,939
I thought it might be
more complicated.
259
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,400
You need to get out of here
as soon as possible
260
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,778
because the first rule
of time travel is,
261
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,823
"Don't change anything."
262
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,074
Fucking with the future
263
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,826
won't turn out
the way you think.
264
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,454
I won't be here long enough
to fuck with anything.
265
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,164
-[woman singing]
-Hm?
266
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,957
♪ I'm ready for a man to come
And make my... ♪
267
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,209
Hello! Who is that?
268
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,254
♪ Give me love
That lasts a life ♪
269
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:15,175
♪ A love where we can build
A home ♪
270
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,177
♪ I need a big, strong man ♪
271
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:21,973
♪ Who sees exactly what
The future holds ♪
272
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,641
♪ Who knows our fairytale... ♪
273
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:27,312
I have found
the love of my life!
274
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,647
-[fly buzzing]
-Well, the love
of my past life!
275
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,650
Well, the... the... the love
of my life in the past!
276
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,986
God damn you, you stupid fly!
277
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:39,032
Enjoy my reckoning! [grunts]
278
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,539
-[yells]
-You motherfucker!
279
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,415
-[yelling]
-[clattering]
280
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,086
Oop! Sounds like
the fun started downstairs.
281
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,922
Hey, babe, I found
this thing in the attic.
282
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,340
Where did you get that?
283
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,008
It's a long story
involving an ice cream truck.
284
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,343
You went to see my brother?
285
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,011
Wow! Babe,
you're a great guesser.
286
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,805
How could you do that to me?
287
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:05,975
I have told you a million times
to stop asking about my family!
288
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,936
I was just trying to do
something nice for you.
289
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,270
How can we live together
290
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,730
if I don't know basic things
about you?
291
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,358
Like, um, maybe how
your parents died
292
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,777
at the bar we own
and live above.
293
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,530
Wow, you're a little
know-it-all, aren't you?
294
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,199
I guess Kite Man
knows everything.
295
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,952
Literally the first time
anyone has ever said that.
296
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,370
Because you don't!
297
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,871
Do you want to know
what actually happened?
298
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,540
Yes! More than anything.
299
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,083
Ugh! [inhales deeply]
300
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,919
-I was five years old.
-[Lawrence] You dumb bitch.
301
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,462
My parents were doing
their favorite thing
302
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,090
in their favorite place,
fighting in a bar.
303
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,508
...I'll tell you that.
304
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,260
If I could go back in time
and stop myself
305
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,053
from knocking you up
in the bathroom
306
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,430
at the Slap and Wash,
307
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,390
I could have married
someone actually hot
308
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,559
like Ally Ringwald
or Molly Sheedy.
309
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,061
Lawrence, you shithead,
you're making a scene.
310
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:52,731
[Golden Glider]
I had just gotten
my first pair of ice skates.
311
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,025
Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting!
312
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,901
-Watch me skate!
-[woman] You're a loser.
313
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,528
-I said stop fighting!
-[woman] You're a drunk.
314
00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,863
You've had enough!
315
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,406
-[woman grunts]
-[Lawrence] Stupid bitch!
316
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,159
[whimpers, sniffles]
317
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,661
Fast forward, I blacked out,
and when I came to,
318
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,914
I had used my powers
for the first time... [sobs]
319
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,417
-...killing my parents.
-Oh, no.
320
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,086
So, you see why I'm not excited
about a photo taken
321
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,630
right before I destroyed
my family?
322
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,923
Babe, I...
323
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:20,967
You were just a kid.
324
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,636
You didn't mean
to do any of that.
325
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,931
Why did you want to buy the bar
where you killed--
326
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,933
Well, where your parents died.
327
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:31,936
I thought I could start over
and replace the shitty memories
328
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,646
from my childhood
with happy ones.
329
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,106
Babe, I love you,
330
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,650
but is it possible
that shelling out ten milli
331
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110
to buy
the parent-death-trap bar
332
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,196
is not the path to healing?
333
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,323
Maybe we shouldn't
run Noonan's.
334
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,449
[sighs]
335
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,785
Moving in together
was a giant mistake.
336
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,536
[sobbing]
337
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:49,662
I need to get some air.
338
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,248
Ugh! Just forget it!
339
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,378
[sighs]
340
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,049
[Bane grunting]
341
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,968
"Your clothes,
give them to me now."
342
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,387
Excuse me?
343
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:06,680
Terminator? No?
344
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,766
[chuckles] I'm more
of a Predator gal anyway.
345
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,309
A sexual predator.
346
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,312
Whoa! I don't think that means
what you think it means.
347
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,773
Well, I think
I know what it means,
348
00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,400
that you just killed
my boyfriend.
349
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,485
[Bane] The fly
is your boyfriend?
350
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,070
Not anymore.
351
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,571
[gasps] Uh-oh.
352
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:27,617
The lemon wedge from my drink
fell into my tits.
353
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:30,286
Want a whiff?
354
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,830
♪ Fairytale will be... ♪
355
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,623
[Bane] I must speak to her.
356
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,000
Rebecca Chen?
357
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,293
I'd be careful about that.
She's married.
358
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:40,880
Of course an angel like her
is taken.
359
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,507
I feel bad for that broad.
360
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,010
I'd hate getting stuck
with kids.
361
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,554
That's why I got a bug zapper
in my cooch.
362
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,972
Uh, hello!
363
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,516
Your singing is magical.
364
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,226
You are so sweet.
365
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,103
And I love that tank top.
366
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,522
Jesus Christ,
I'm going to marry this woman!
367
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:00,859
-I'm sorry, what?
-Uh, I said, Jesus Christ!
368
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,402
-Can I buy you a drink?
-[chuckles]
369
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,237
-Hey, Lisa.
-[Lisa chuckles]
370
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,031
-Look here!
-[groans] Hey!
371
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532
Quit it, you jerk!
372
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,992
[chuckles] Got ya.
373
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,202
-Your children are adorbs.
-Meh.
374
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:14,289
In fact, this one reminds me
of a little Golden Glider.
375
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,833
Golden Glider? That name's rad!
376
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,711
Leonard, you gotta call me
Golden Glider from now on.
377
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,590
♪ I wish I lived on a boat
Or a ship! ♪
378
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,009
OMG, she is Golden Glider!
379
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,385
Daddy!
380
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:37,896
WTF.
381
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,981
What is Bane doing
in this picture?
382
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,400
He hasn't aged a day. [gasps]
383
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,568
Wait a minute.
384
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,029
The wall, the writing,
the writing on the wall,
385
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,947
the letters and the words,
the writing.
386
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,407
Bane is stuck in the past
387
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:52,994
on the same day
that Glider kills her parents!
388
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,414
[laughing]
389
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,334
So then I 'sploded him!
390
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,837
[chuckles weakly]
Isn't that hilarious?
391
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,089
-Rebecca?
-I'm sorry.
392
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,924
It's just...
It's been a long day,
393
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,926
and my shitbag husband
doesn't--
394
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,803
I can explode him for you
if you like.
395
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,222
Whoa. Totally radical.
396
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,683
Kite Man! Think about it.
397
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,017
You came back to save me.
398
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,186
However,
I do not need rescuing.
399
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,438
I have found my true love.
400
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,274
I don't have time for this.
401
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,484
I have a plan,
and I need your help.
402
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,569
Anything!
What are best friends for?
403
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:27,612
Oh... Best friends?
404
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,614
Well, okay. All right.
Well, yeah.
405
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,367
Uh, anyway, I need
to chat with you privately.
406
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,828
Anything for my best dawg!
407
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,913
-Okay.
-Kaboom sound!
408
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,081
Great.
409
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,582
I came back here to stop Glider
410
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,918
from killing her parents,
thus saving her childhood,
411
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,211
thus healing
her lifelong trauma,
412
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,629
hence saving our relationship
413
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,715
all in one fell scoop!
Or do I mean swoop?
414
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,300
God, I miss Glider so much.
She always knows what I mean.
415
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,387
Golden Glider is going to kill
her super-hot mom
416
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,139
who I've just fallen
in love with?
417
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,307
No, I just told you,
we're stopping it.
418
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,310
But changing the the past
has consequences.
419
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,772
But on the other hand,
if Golden Glider's father dies,
420
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,650
that is one less obstacle
I have to overcome
421
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,903
to being with Becca,
because I'm going to save her.
422
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,530
BT-dubs, I call her Becca.
423
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,950
I'm thinking at some point
it will be relaxed to Becs.
424
00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,410
But we are not there yet.
425
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,869
You are just gonna have
to figure out another way
426
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,038
to get rid of Glider's dad.
427
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,455
So, now I have to wait
428
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,291
for a trial separation
and then a divorce?
429
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,794
Do you know how long
that can take?
430
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,380
It will drag out to 1993!
431
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,175
Ugh, Chuck was just trying
to do a nice thing,
432
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,886
and now you dumbass
ruined move-in day.
433
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:33,928
[Captain Cold] I rule!
434
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,847
Ha!
435
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,265
Welcome back, roomie!
436
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,392
What are you doing here?
437
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,685
I thought you were living
438
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,936
in a kiddie-diddler
ice cream van.
439
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,438
Kite Dude didn't tell you?
440
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,315
He gave me the green light
to move in with you guys.
441
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:46,691
Said he was ecstatic.
442
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,985
Yeah, he doesn't know
what ecstatic means.
443
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,862
-Now get the hell out!
-No problem.
444
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,155
I'll just stay
with Mom and Dad.
445
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,366
Oh, wait! I can't
because you killed them.
446
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,535
Fuck you! Where's Kite Man?
447
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,538
"Hey, babe, I'm in the '80s.
448
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:03,667
Gonna stop you from killing
your parents. BRB"?
449
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,294
"PS, please DVR Young Sheldon."
450
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:08,338
Oh, Chuck, what have you done?
451
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,465
Ha! Kite Dude is gonna die
452
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,175
trying to change
your childhood.
453
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,386
And you're the one
who's gonna kill him.
454
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,388
-[laughs, groans]
-[grunts]
455
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,889
-Cheap shot!
-Oh, shut up!
456
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,849
Now I'm gonna be
in the bathroom
457
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,059
for as long as it takes.
458
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,687
Gross! [groans]
459
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,232
-[Lawrence] ...if I could
stop myself...
-[grunts]
460
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,234
...from knocking you up
at the bathroom
at the Slap and Wash,
461
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,319
-I could have married
someone actually hot...
-Oh, my God.
462
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,737
-...like Ally Ringwald.
-This was that day.
463
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,407
-Or Molly Sheedy!
-Lawrence, you shithead.
464
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,866
You're making a scene.
465
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:40,787
Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting!
Watch me skate!
466
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,288
I said stop fighting!
467
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,581
Yeah, asshole!
468
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,250
How hard is it
to watch her skate?
469
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,793
[Rebecca] You've had enough.
470
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:47,919
-Stupid bitch!
-[groans]
471
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,921
-[gasps]
-Becca!
472
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,673
[gasps]
473
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Calm down, calm down.
474
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,176
Everything's gonna
be all right.
475
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,720
Oh, no, Chuck! No!
476
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,972
-Oh, no! What's happening?
-[Kite Man] Oh, no, no!
477
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,182
-Just don't...
-[all screaming]
478
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,728
[grunts]
479
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,940
[all screaming]
480
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,073
Babe, you saved me.
481
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,950
Babe, of course I did.
482
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,326
But I didn't save your parents.
483
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,619
Thus, I didn't save
your whole childhood.
484
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,496
Hence your trauma
remains not erased.
485
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,874
Oh, my shitty childhood
isn't what matters.
486
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,876
What matters is now.
487
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,794
And you are my now.
488
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,088
What... happened?
489
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,382
Oh, my God,
I didn't kill my mom!
490
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,135
I'm batting 500! Hell, yeah!
491
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,471
Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
492
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:40,764
So am I.
493
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,140
Do I know you?
494
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,225
No, but you will.
495
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,102
I just wanted to-- Oh!
496
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,645
[both chuckle]
497
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,483
Oh, I hope you live
the life you've always wanted.
498
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,488
Babe, you are super cute.
499
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:58,740
Hey, if you ever meet a guy
named Eddie McGhee
500
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,493
and he tells you
he's allergic to condoms,
501
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,787
do not believe him.
502
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,376
Babe, I can't tinkle
with you staring at me.
503
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,419
Babe, we're roommates now.
504
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:13,463
I assumed we'd have
an open door pee policy.
505
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,215
Uh, babe, no, we don't.
506
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,342
And we never will.
Please, turn around.
507
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:19,803
[urinating]
508
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:28,728
[sighs] Feels good to be home.
509
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,523
I know it's not a boat, babe,
but it's ours.
510
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:34,609
Yeah, who needs a boat
when you have a kite?
511
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,529
[machine whirring]
512
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:40,949
Heard of knocking?
513
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,158
Are those margaritas
514
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,244
that you spilled
all over my bed?
515
00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,787
You are fucking worthless.
516
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:48,164
Get out! Go live with Mom now
since we just saved her.
517
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,457
What are you talking about?
518
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,334
You killed her and Dad,
you psycho!
519
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,253
What? No. Mom didn't die.
520
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,255
Well, then where is she?
521
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,760
My love, even though
I was warned
522
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:04,222
that changing the future
could have dire consequences,
523
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,016
I said, "Fuck it!"
524
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:10,437
I'm staying right here to live
happily ever after with you.
525
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,479
Yeah, whatever.
526
00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:13,440
Now that my husband is gone,
527
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,692
It's like
that random woman said,
528
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:19,279
I can live the life
I've always wanted.
529
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:21,489
[laughing] Yes! Yes!
530
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:23,199
-Yes!
-But your children?
531
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,493
[grunts] Where is my mom?
532
00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:28,705
-Uh, she is not here.
-What do you mean?
533
00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:31,332
She certainly
did not abandon you.
534
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:34,252
It's much better news
than that.
535
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,838
She, uh, died in the 'splosion!
536
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,673
-What?
-Okay.
537
00:21:38,757 --> 00:21:40,633
I gotta get back to the future.
538
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,428
I sure as shit
am not doing two sequels
539
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:44,929
to this damn story.
540
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,769
Where are the pictures
of my mom?
541
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,772
[grunting]
542
00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:56,441
There is literally nothing here
to indicate that she's alive.
543
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,735
What the fuck happened to her?
544
00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:07,535
[grunting]
545
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,667
-[groaning]
-[sinister laughter]
546
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:19,964
[theme music playing]
547
00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,827
♪ Hell, yeah! ♪
36618
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