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1
00:00:04,608 --> 00:00:06,318
[radio announcer] Were you
or a loved one a victim
2
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:07,820
of the Noonan's cat rampage?
3
00:00:07,903 --> 00:00:10,489
Call Villigan's Law
and get justice meow!
4
00:00:10,531 --> 00:00:12,700
This country's gotten
too litigious.
5
00:00:12,783 --> 00:00:14,702
Uh, didn't that cat
kill your step-kid?
6
00:00:14,785 --> 00:00:16,161
-Yeah.
-What the--
7
00:00:16,202 --> 00:00:17,413
[driver] Where'd she come from?
8
00:00:17,496 --> 00:00:18,873
[Golden Glider] Sorry, boys.
9
00:00:18,956 --> 00:00:19,999
This is your exit.
10
00:00:20,082 --> 00:00:21,542
[grunts]
11
00:00:23,294 --> 00:00:24,628
-[engine revving]
-[tires screech]
12
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:25,838
Whoa!
13
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,299
Time to remove
the hood ornament. [grunts]
14
00:00:31,677 --> 00:00:32,636
-[grunts]
-[groans]
15
00:00:32,677 --> 00:00:34,013
Huh?
16
00:00:34,055 --> 00:00:36,557
[Golden Glider] Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
17
00:00:37,558 --> 00:00:38,434
[screaming]
18
00:00:39,518 --> 00:00:40,311
[screams]
19
00:00:40,352 --> 00:00:41,812
[chuckles, groans]
20
00:00:41,854 --> 00:00:45,274
Truck off, fellas!
We'll be taking your big load.
21
00:00:45,358 --> 00:00:46,901
Not your best, babe.
22
00:00:46,984 --> 00:00:49,362
I regretted it as soon as it
shot out of my mouth, babe.
23
00:00:49,403 --> 00:00:50,279
Damn it!
24
00:00:51,822 --> 00:00:53,032
[engine revving]
25
00:00:53,074 --> 00:00:54,617
-Whoa!
-Uh-oh!
26
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:55,826
Hang on, babe.
27
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:57,620
[grunts] Gotcha!
28
00:00:57,703 --> 00:00:59,830
-[yells]
-[grunts]
29
00:00:59,872 --> 00:01:02,708
-Chuck!
-Babe, it's Kite Man
on the streets,
30
00:01:02,792 --> 00:01:04,793
Chuck in the... [screams]
31
00:01:04,876 --> 00:01:06,212
Babe, look!
32
00:01:08,214 --> 00:01:10,216
-[panting]
-[grunting]
33
00:01:15,554 --> 00:01:16,847
[screams]
34
00:01:16,889 --> 00:01:21,102
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Here comes Bane! ♪
35
00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:22,728
[screams]
36
00:01:22,812 --> 00:01:24,063
[grunts]
37
00:01:24,146 --> 00:01:25,231
[Kite Man grunts]
38
00:01:25,314 --> 00:01:26,691
-[Bane grunts]
-[Kite Man gasps]
39
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:30,820
[all screaming]
40
00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:33,905
[screams, groans]
41
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:36,826
[both groaning]
42
00:01:42,581 --> 00:01:43,416
[both grunt]
43
00:01:43,499 --> 00:01:46,292
-[chuckles]
-[grunts]
44
00:01:46,377 --> 00:01:49,255
And now to do
a little shopping.
45
00:01:49,338 --> 00:01:51,173
Ooh! They have the Guten Tag
46
00:01:51,256 --> 00:01:52,508
three-piece
sectional set, babe!
47
00:01:52,591 --> 00:01:54,885
And the Fjordside
coffee table, score!
48
00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:57,304
[Bane] You know, I don't mind
helping you guys move.
49
00:01:57,387 --> 00:01:59,807
But please tell me
you're not going to put
50
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:01,267
that Thomas Blakemore piece
51
00:02:01,308 --> 00:02:03,394
next to
the Fronkenschnitzelschnot.
52
00:02:04,812 --> 00:02:06,605
[sirens blaring]
53
00:02:09,274 --> 00:02:11,402
♪ Hell, yeah!♪
54
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,575
[Bane grunting]
55
00:02:17,616 --> 00:02:20,661
Bane, there you are.
Put the couch right here.
56
00:02:20,745 --> 00:02:22,788
Scooch a teeny bit to the left.
57
00:02:22,872 --> 00:02:24,206
-Smidge to the right.
-[grunting] Yes.
58
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:26,042
Just a hair north.
59
00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:27,710
Hell, yeah.
60
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:30,629
Good timing, 'cause I need
to use the little Bane's room.
61
00:02:30,671 --> 00:02:32,506
Actually, Bane, could you bring
62
00:02:32,590 --> 00:02:34,967
the Vad Ar Klockan table in
before you go?
63
00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:36,469
I want to see how it looks
64
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:38,012
under my brand new collection
of nautical flags.
65
00:02:38,095 --> 00:02:41,474
Fine, I will hold it.
But it's scientifically proven
66
00:02:41,557 --> 00:02:43,309
that it is not good
for the bowel.
67
00:02:43,392 --> 00:02:45,061
-It'll be quick, I promise.
-[grunts]
68
00:02:45,144 --> 00:02:48,647
Babe, we need to get rid
of this disgusting,
old wallpaper.
69
00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:51,484
[chuckles] I mean, how much
coke was Noonan doing?
70
00:02:51,525 --> 00:02:54,278
I don't know, babe.
It's very '80s.
I kinda like it.
71
00:02:55,404 --> 00:02:56,989
We're getting rid
of the wallpaper.
72
00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:59,408
Oh, this is so bitchin'!
73
00:02:59,492 --> 00:03:00,785
Our new home.
74
00:03:00,826 --> 00:03:02,620
-And a whole new start.
-Hell, yeah!
75
00:03:02,661 --> 00:03:04,955
I had no idea you were
this into ships and boats.
76
00:03:04,997 --> 00:03:07,833
"A boat is a home
you can take anywhere."
77
00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:10,461
No doubt. Wow,
we've literally just moved in,
78
00:03:10,503 --> 00:03:12,671
and I'm already learning
so much more about you.
79
00:03:12,755 --> 00:03:16,008
Hey, babe, this gallery wall
is kinda lopsided.
80
00:03:16,050 --> 00:03:17,551
I mean, this is our home.
81
00:03:17,635 --> 00:03:19,678
It should have pictures
from both of our families.
82
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,889
No, we should change it up.
83
00:03:21,972 --> 00:03:23,933
Take all new pictures
of just us.
84
00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:26,185
Come on, babe,
you gotta have some baby pics.
85
00:03:26,227 --> 00:03:27,520
I bet you were so adorable.
86
00:03:27,603 --> 00:03:29,105
I don't have any pics
from my childhood.
87
00:03:29,146 --> 00:03:31,148
What? Not even
with Captain Cold?
88
00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:32,692
Like a sweet bro-sis pic?
89
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:33,901
I said we don't have
any pictures!
90
00:03:33,984 --> 00:03:35,361
-Okay.
-[exhales deeply]
91
00:03:35,403 --> 00:03:37,362
Now, where is Bane
with the table?
92
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:40,199
You know, Babe, every time
I bring up your fam,
you change the subject.
93
00:03:40,282 --> 00:03:41,951
[laughing] I do not.
94
00:03:43,201 --> 00:03:44,537
Babe, honestly,
95
00:03:44,578 --> 00:03:46,497
who do you think
is the best Jack Ryan, huh?
96
00:03:46,539 --> 00:03:49,208
Babe, I know
what you're trying to do.
97
00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:51,377
You want me
to say Harrison Ford.
98
00:03:51,419 --> 00:03:54,755
But for me,
it is all Affleck all day.
99
00:03:54,838 --> 00:03:56,382
There's my guy.
100
00:03:56,465 --> 00:03:58,426
Oh, to be with someone
101
00:03:58,509 --> 00:04:02,138
where we could decorate
a nautical apartment.
102
00:04:02,221 --> 00:04:03,889
-[stomach churns]
-[groans]
103
00:04:03,973 --> 00:04:05,224
I'm turtling!
104
00:04:05,307 --> 00:04:08,394
Get out of my way,
ominous signage!
105
00:04:08,477 --> 00:04:09,729
[Bane grunting]
106
00:04:09,812 --> 00:04:10,771
[passing gas]
107
00:04:10,855 --> 00:04:12,565
-[groaning]
-[passing gas]
108
00:04:16,485 --> 00:04:18,069
And the denouement.
109
00:04:18,153 --> 00:04:19,447
[sniffs]
110
00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:21,574
Sometimes the courtesy flush
is just for you.
111
00:04:21,657 --> 00:04:23,534
-Thank you, Bane.
-[toilet flushes]
112
00:04:28,122 --> 00:04:29,790
[sighs]
113
00:04:29,874 --> 00:04:31,208
[gasping]
114
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:32,418
I did not notice
115
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:34,754
this shag carpet
in the bathroom earlier.
116
00:04:34,837 --> 00:04:37,673
Tres '80s and very impractical.
117
00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:39,967
Huh? Hm.
118
00:04:40,051 --> 00:04:42,470
I wonder where Kite Man
and Golden Glider went.
119
00:04:42,553 --> 00:04:44,513
They really gave this place
a whole new look
120
00:04:44,597 --> 00:04:46,932
in the brief time
I was pooping.
121
00:04:47,016 --> 00:04:48,350
Hm.
122
00:04:48,392 --> 00:04:51,728
A mint condition newspaper
from the 1980s.
123
00:04:51,771 --> 00:04:54,774
-Hello, eBay!
-[wolf whistling]
124
00:04:54,815 --> 00:04:57,276
-Hey, hey! Hey, sweet thing!
-[Bane] Hey!
125
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,612
Take your toxic masculinity
126
00:04:59,653 --> 00:05:02,907
and send it back to the '80s
where it belongs!
127
00:05:02,948 --> 00:05:04,283
Uh, wait a minute.
128
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,826
The bathroom decor.
129
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,119
The newspaper.
130
00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:10,247
The socially acceptable
sexual harassment.
131
00:05:10,289 --> 00:05:16,045
I've been flushed to the 1980s!
132
00:05:17,505 --> 00:05:19,173
And that's why
if I ever get my dream dog,
133
00:05:19,256 --> 00:05:22,176
which is a golden doodle,
I'll name it Jack Ryan.
134
00:05:22,259 --> 00:05:23,594
No one can argue with that.
135
00:05:23,636 --> 00:05:24,804
We need to bring the fridge up.
136
00:05:24,887 --> 00:05:26,972
Is... is Bane still
in the bathroom?
137
00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:31,185
Huh. Looks like
he went out the window.
138
00:05:31,268 --> 00:05:33,103
He bailed on helping us move?
139
00:05:33,145 --> 00:05:34,730
Ugh, freaking Bane.
140
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:37,191
Hello? Toilet?
141
00:05:37,274 --> 00:05:40,069
I would like to be flushed
back to the future, please.
142
00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:41,404
[rattling]
143
00:05:41,487 --> 00:05:43,531
Damn you, portal potty!
144
00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:46,492
My friends are probably
panicking right now.
145
00:05:46,534 --> 00:05:49,662
There must be another way out!
146
00:05:49,745 --> 00:05:50,538
Hm?
147
00:05:50,621 --> 00:05:52,164
Gilder was right.
148
00:05:52,206 --> 00:05:56,001
These walls look nice
without that hideous wallpaper.
149
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:57,753
Wait a minute!
150
00:05:57,837 --> 00:05:59,714
If I write a message
on this wall,
151
00:05:59,797 --> 00:06:01,507
Kite Man and Golden Glider
152
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:04,969
will see it when
they remove the wallpaper!
153
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:06,887
[grunting]
154
00:06:09,181 --> 00:06:14,562
Wall, you will send my message
through time!
155
00:06:14,645 --> 00:06:16,522
Well, now that it's just us,
156
00:06:16,564 --> 00:06:18,816
we can talk about
your family sitch.
157
00:06:19,442 --> 00:06:20,901
Huh. "Help!"
158
00:06:20,985 --> 00:06:23,696
I found a portal potty
and took 'splosive shit
159
00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:26,866
and when I flushed,
I got stuck in the past."
160
00:06:26,907 --> 00:06:28,576
Hm. "'Splosive."
161
00:06:28,659 --> 00:06:31,495
That sounds like
something Bane would say.
162
00:06:31,537 --> 00:06:33,039
You think Bane
is stuck in the past?
163
00:06:33,079 --> 00:06:36,792
And there she goes
changing the old subject again.
164
00:06:36,876 --> 00:06:39,003
Come on,
tell me about your childhood.
165
00:06:39,045 --> 00:06:42,131
Please stop talking
about this, Chuck.
166
00:06:42,214 --> 00:06:44,467
Fine, fine, babe. Fine.
167
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:47,803
It looks like
it's time to jack it.
168
00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:50,723
As in, do what
Jack Ryan would do.
169
00:06:58,564 --> 00:06:59,774
[Captain Cold] You found it!
170
00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,234
[Kite Man] Captain Cold.
171
00:07:02,318 --> 00:07:04,653
Uh, I thought we were meeting
at your place.
172
00:07:04,737 --> 00:07:07,239
This is my place. Epic, right?
173
00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:08,574
Yeah.
174
00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:11,202
Uh, so I'm here
175
00:07:11,243 --> 00:07:13,788
'cause your sister and I moved
into an apartment together.
176
00:07:13,871 --> 00:07:16,123
No shit!
Congratulations, buddy.
177
00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:18,000
-We talkin' two-bed, two-bath?
-Uh...
178
00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:20,044
-1.5 bath?
-Uh, it's a two-bed, two-bath.
179
00:07:20,086 --> 00:07:22,421
But back to the thing
I came here for.
180
00:07:22,505 --> 00:07:25,091
Um, I was just hoping
to get the 411
181
00:07:25,174 --> 00:07:28,219
about what life was like
for you and Glider growing up.
182
00:07:28,260 --> 00:07:31,097
Well, Kite Dude, that sounds
like the kind of conversation
183
00:07:31,138 --> 00:07:34,225
we should have in our kitchen
over a few cold ones
184
00:07:34,266 --> 00:07:35,267
from our fridge.
185
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,103
Yeah, no.
186
00:07:37,186 --> 00:07:39,355
Look, can you at least give me
a childhood pic of Glider?
187
00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:42,108
I just need something
to hang on our gallery wall.
188
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:44,777
[clattering]
189
00:07:44,819 --> 00:07:48,155
Vape cartridge,
64 gig USB drive.
190
00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:49,490
That's just for my porn.
191
00:07:49,573 --> 00:07:51,367
Got the greatest hits on there.
Found it!
192
00:07:51,450 --> 00:07:53,661
That's her and Dad!
193
00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:56,747
Wait, you guys went
to Noonan's as kids?
194
00:07:56,789 --> 00:08:00,292
Yep, that was taken the day
our parents died there.
195
00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,545
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
196
00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:05,923
We bought and are now
living above the bar
197
00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:08,718
my girlfriend's parents
died in?
198
00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:11,011
-[groans]
-Eh, you should ask Lisa.
199
00:08:11,095 --> 00:08:13,305
But I gotta warn you,
she's real sensitive about it.
200
00:08:13,347 --> 00:08:15,433
Totally, totally.
201
00:08:15,474 --> 00:08:17,435
Well, uh, I gotta run.
202
00:08:17,476 --> 00:08:19,311
I guess, thanks for the picture
203
00:08:19,395 --> 00:08:22,982
and the paradigm shifting info
about my girlfriend's past.
204
00:08:25,568 --> 00:08:28,654
Mm. Still no bars!
205
00:08:28,696 --> 00:08:32,366
The '80s was not a good decade
for cell service.
206
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:35,368
Or candy! Candy Cigarettes?
207
00:08:35,453 --> 00:08:37,371
Those are
not appropriate treats.
208
00:08:37,454 --> 00:08:39,915
What next? Chocolate beer?
209
00:08:40,498 --> 00:08:42,168
[Bane groans]
210
00:08:42,209 --> 00:08:44,837
Ah! Well, that looks fun.
211
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,841
Hold up. There is no lifeguard,
and no fence!
212
00:08:48,924 --> 00:08:52,178
That is not a pool.
It is a drowning machine.
213
00:08:52,219 --> 00:08:53,012
Hey!
214
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:55,347
You kids all need sunblock!
215
00:08:55,389 --> 00:08:57,850
You're begging for skin cancer.
216
00:08:57,892 --> 00:08:59,185
-[engine rumbling]
-Whoa!
217
00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:03,356
"Asbestos installation"?
You cannot install that!
218
00:09:03,439 --> 00:09:07,068
Oh, my God, the '80s
is nothing but a minefield
219
00:09:07,151 --> 00:09:11,197
of irresponsibility
and certain death.
220
00:09:11,238 --> 00:09:13,616
♪ I love it! ♪
221
00:09:13,699 --> 00:09:15,284
[upbeat music
playing over stereo]
222
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,375
So I said, "Was that
my umbrella up your ass?"
223
00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:24,043
[canned laughter sound plays]
224
00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:25,002
You see?
225
00:09:25,044 --> 00:09:26,379
-Lafftrak get it.
-[gun cocks]
226
00:09:26,462 --> 00:09:30,466
What did I tell you
about laughing in my bar?
227
00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:32,134
[canned exclamation
sound plays]
228
00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:34,845
How's my least favorite
teetotaler doing?
229
00:09:34,887 --> 00:09:37,723
I'm fantastic, Sean.
I just made partner.
230
00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:40,726
I think I might celebrate
with my first ever drink.
231
00:09:40,768 --> 00:09:42,436
[Noonan]
Here's our cocktail menu.
232
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:46,732
I suppose just one
Slippery Slope can't hurt.
233
00:09:51,153 --> 00:09:52,905
[belches]
234
00:09:52,988 --> 00:09:54,532
Want a beer chaser?
235
00:09:54,573 --> 00:09:56,492
Make it a six-pack!
236
00:09:56,575 --> 00:09:58,411
Six-pack it is!
237
00:09:59,995 --> 00:10:02,415
Wow, Dubelz Brothers!
238
00:10:02,456 --> 00:10:04,917
You look so... both alive.
239
00:10:04,959 --> 00:10:07,253
Yeah, we've been eating
more fiber lately.
240
00:10:07,336 --> 00:10:10,339
-Life changing stuff.
-That's probably it.
241
00:10:10,423 --> 00:10:11,716
What a stugots.
242
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:13,342
I'd rather get
my brains blown out
243
00:10:13,426 --> 00:10:14,677
than hang out with that guy.
244
00:10:15,594 --> 00:10:17,888
[Bane] Psst. Noonan. Sean.
245
00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:19,682
I'm sorry, have we met?
246
00:10:19,765 --> 00:10:21,517
It is me, Bane!
247
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,935
I'm from the future.
248
00:10:22,977 --> 00:10:24,937
I used the Portal Potty
249
00:10:24,979 --> 00:10:26,814
and now I don't know
how to get back!
250
00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:28,357
[chuckles nervously]
What? What?
251
00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:30,192
A Portal Potty? Ha!
252
00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:32,653
I don't have a clue
what you're talking about.
253
00:10:32,737 --> 00:10:36,282
Look, there's only one way
you can get back to the future.
254
00:10:36,323 --> 00:10:38,492
And if you mess this up,
you're screwed.
255
00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:42,580
You have to take a piss
in the Portal Potty
256
00:10:42,621 --> 00:10:44,790
and then flush.
257
00:10:44,832 --> 00:10:46,083
That's it?
258
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,960
I thought it might be
more complicated.
259
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:50,421
You need to get out of here
as soon as possible
260
00:10:50,463 --> 00:10:53,799
because the first rule
of time travel is,
261
00:10:53,841 --> 00:10:56,844
"Don't change anything."
262
00:10:56,927 --> 00:10:58,095
Fucking with the future
263
00:10:58,137 --> 00:10:59,847
won't turn out
the way you think.
264
00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,475
I won't be here long enough
to fuck with anything.
265
00:11:02,558 --> 00:11:04,185
-[woman singing]
-Hm?
266
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:05,978
♪ I'm ready for a man to come
And make my... ♪
267
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:08,230
Hello! Who is that?
268
00:11:08,314 --> 00:11:11,275
♪ Give me love
That lasts a life ♪
269
00:11:11,317 --> 00:11:15,196
♪ A love where we can build
A home ♪
270
00:11:15,279 --> 00:11:17,198
♪ I need a big, strong man ♪
271
00:11:17,281 --> 00:11:21,994
♪ Who sees exactly what
The future holds ♪
272
00:11:22,078 --> 00:11:23,662
♪ Who knows our fairytale... ♪
273
00:11:23,746 --> 00:11:27,333
I have found
the love of my life!
274
00:11:27,416 --> 00:11:29,668
-[fly buzzing]
-Well, the love
of my past life!
275
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:32,671
Well, the... the... the love
of my life in the past!
276
00:11:32,713 --> 00:11:35,007
God damn you, you stupid fly!
277
00:11:35,091 --> 00:11:39,053
Enjoy my reckoning! [grunts]
278
00:11:44,850 --> 00:11:46,560
-[yells]
-You motherfucker!
279
00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:48,436
-[yelling]
-[clattering]
280
00:11:48,521 --> 00:11:51,107
Oop! Sounds like
the fun started downstairs.
281
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,943
Hey, babe, I found
this thing in the attic.
282
00:11:54,026 --> 00:11:55,361
Where did you get that?
283
00:11:55,444 --> 00:11:57,029
It's a long story
involving an ice cream truck.
284
00:11:57,113 --> 00:11:58,364
You went to see my brother?
285
00:11:58,447 --> 00:12:00,032
Wow! Babe,
you're a great guesser.
286
00:12:00,116 --> 00:12:01,826
How could you do that to me?
287
00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:05,996
I have told you a million times
to stop asking about my family!
288
00:12:06,038 --> 00:12:07,957
I was just trying to do
something nice for you.
289
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,291
How can we live together
290
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:10,751
if I don't know basic things
about you?
291
00:12:10,835 --> 00:12:13,379
Like, um, maybe how
your parents died
292
00:12:13,421 --> 00:12:15,798
at the bar we own
and live above.
293
00:12:15,881 --> 00:12:18,551
Wow, you're a little
know-it-all, aren't you?
294
00:12:18,634 --> 00:12:21,220
I guess Kite Man
knows everything.
295
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,973
Literally the first time
anyone has ever said that.
296
00:12:24,056 --> 00:12:25,391
Because you don't!
297
00:12:25,474 --> 00:12:26,892
Do you want to know
what actually happened?
298
00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:28,561
Yes! More than anything.
299
00:12:28,602 --> 00:12:30,104
Ugh! [inhales deeply]
300
00:12:30,187 --> 00:12:32,940
-I was five years old.
-[Lawrence] You dumb bitch.
301
00:12:33,024 --> 00:12:34,483
My parents were doing
their favorite thing
302
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:37,111
in their favorite place,
fighting in a bar.
303
00:12:37,194 --> 00:12:38,529
...I'll tell you that.
304
00:12:38,571 --> 00:12:40,281
If I could go back in time
and stop myself
305
00:12:40,364 --> 00:12:42,074
from knocking you up
in the bathroom
306
00:12:42,158 --> 00:12:43,451
at the Slap and Wash,
307
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:45,411
I could have married
someone actually hot
308
00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:47,580
like Ally Ringwald
or Molly Sheedy.
309
00:12:47,621 --> 00:12:50,082
Lawrence, you shithead,
you're making a scene.
310
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:52,752
[Golden Glider]
I had just gotten
my first pair of ice skates.
311
00:12:52,835 --> 00:12:55,046
Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting!
312
00:12:55,087 --> 00:12:56,922
-Watch me skate!
-[woman] You're a loser.
313
00:12:57,006 --> 00:12:58,549
-I said stop fighting!
-[woman] You're a drunk.
314
00:12:58,591 --> 00:12:59,884
You've had enough!
315
00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:01,427
-[woman grunts]
-[Lawrence] Stupid bitch!
316
00:13:01,469 --> 00:13:04,180
[whimpers, sniffles]
317
00:13:04,263 --> 00:13:06,682
Fast forward, I blacked out,
and when I came to,
318
00:13:06,766 --> 00:13:09,935
I had used my powers
for the first time... [sobs]
319
00:13:09,977 --> 00:13:12,438
-...killing my parents.
-Oh, no.
320
00:13:12,521 --> 00:13:15,107
So, you see why I'm not excited
about a photo taken
321
00:13:15,149 --> 00:13:17,651
right before I destroyed
my family?
322
00:13:17,735 --> 00:13:18,944
Babe, I...
323
00:13:19,779 --> 00:13:20,988
You were just a kid.
324
00:13:21,072 --> 00:13:23,657
You didn't mean
to do any of that.
325
00:13:23,741 --> 00:13:26,952
Why did you want to buy the bar
where you killed--
326
00:13:27,036 --> 00:13:28,954
Well, where your parents died.
327
00:13:28,996 --> 00:13:31,957
I thought I could start over
and replace the shitty memories
328
00:13:31,999 --> 00:13:33,667
from my childhood
with happy ones.
329
00:13:33,751 --> 00:13:35,127
Babe, I love you,
330
00:13:35,211 --> 00:13:37,671
but is it possible
that shelling out ten milli
331
00:13:37,755 --> 00:13:39,131
to buy
the parent-death-trap bar
332
00:13:39,173 --> 00:13:41,217
is not the path to healing?
333
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,344
Maybe we shouldn't
run Noonan's.
334
00:13:43,427 --> 00:13:44,470
[sighs]
335
00:13:44,553 --> 00:13:46,806
Moving in together
was a giant mistake.
336
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,557
[sobbing]
337
00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:49,683
I need to get some air.
338
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:52,269
Ugh! Just forget it!
339
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,399
[sighs]
340
00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:01,070
[Bane grunting]
341
00:14:01,153 --> 00:14:03,989
"Your clothes,
give them to me now."
342
00:14:04,073 --> 00:14:05,408
Excuse me?
343
00:14:05,449 --> 00:14:06,701
Terminator? No?
344
00:14:06,784 --> 00:14:09,787
[chuckles] I'm more
of a Predator gal anyway.
345
00:14:09,829 --> 00:14:11,330
A sexual predator.
346
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:14,333
Whoa! I don't think that means
what you think it means.
347
00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,794
Well, I think
I know what it means,
348
00:14:16,836 --> 00:14:18,421
that you just killed
my boyfriend.
349
00:14:18,504 --> 00:14:20,506
[Bane] The fly
is your boyfriend?
350
00:14:20,548 --> 00:14:22,091
Not anymore.
351
00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:23,592
[gasps] Uh-oh.
352
00:14:23,676 --> 00:14:27,638
The lemon wedge from my drink
fell into my tits.
353
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,307
Want a whiff?
354
00:14:30,349 --> 00:14:31,851
♪ Fairytale will be... ♪
355
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:33,644
[Bane] I must speak to her.
356
00:14:33,686 --> 00:14:35,021
Rebecca Chen?
357
00:14:35,061 --> 00:14:37,314
I'd be careful about that.
She's married.
358
00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:40,901
Of course an angel like her
is taken.
359
00:14:40,985 --> 00:14:42,528
I feel bad for that broad.
360
00:14:42,611 --> 00:14:45,031
I'd hate getting stuck
with kids.
361
00:14:45,072 --> 00:14:47,575
That's why I got a bug zapper
in my cooch.
362
00:14:47,658 --> 00:14:48,993
Uh, hello!
363
00:14:49,035 --> 00:14:51,537
Your singing is magical.
364
00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:53,247
You are so sweet.
365
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,124
And I love that tank top.
366
00:14:55,207 --> 00:14:57,543
Jesus Christ,
I'm going to marry this woman!
367
00:14:57,585 --> 00:15:00,880
-I'm sorry, what?
-Uh, I said, Jesus Christ!
368
00:15:00,963 --> 00:15:02,423
-Can I buy you a drink?
-[chuckles]
369
00:15:02,506 --> 00:15:04,258
-Hey, Lisa.
-[Lisa chuckles]
370
00:15:04,341 --> 00:15:06,052
-Look here!
-[groans] Hey!
371
00:15:06,135 --> 00:15:07,553
Quit it, you jerk!
372
00:15:07,636 --> 00:15:09,013
[chuckles] Got ya.
373
00:15:09,055 --> 00:15:11,223
-Your children are adorbs.
-Meh.
374
00:15:11,265 --> 00:15:14,310
In fact, this one reminds me
of a little Golden Glider.
375
00:15:14,393 --> 00:15:16,854
Golden Glider? That name's rad!
376
00:15:16,896 --> 00:15:19,732
Leonard, you gotta call me
Golden Glider from now on.
377
00:15:19,815 --> 00:15:23,611
♪ I wish I lived on a boat
Or a ship! ♪
378
00:15:23,694 --> 00:15:26,030
OMG, she is Golden Glider!
379
00:15:26,072 --> 00:15:27,406
Daddy!
380
00:15:36,791 --> 00:15:37,917
WTF.
381
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,002
What is Bane doing
in this picture?
382
00:15:40,086 --> 00:15:42,421
He hasn't aged a day. [gasps]
383
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:43,589
Wait a minute.
384
00:15:43,672 --> 00:15:46,050
The wall, the writing,
the writing on the wall,
385
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:47,968
the letters and the words,
the writing.
386
00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:49,428
Bane is stuck in the past
387
00:15:49,512 --> 00:15:53,015
on the same day
that Glider kills her parents!
388
00:15:55,142 --> 00:15:56,435
[laughing]
389
00:15:57,269 --> 00:15:59,355
So then I 'sploded him!
390
00:15:59,438 --> 00:16:02,858
[chuckles weakly]
Isn't that hilarious?
391
00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:04,110
-Rebecca?
-I'm sorry.
392
00:16:04,193 --> 00:16:05,945
It's just...
It's been a long day,
393
00:16:06,028 --> 00:16:07,947
and my shitbag husband
doesn't--
394
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:09,824
I can explode him for you
if you like.
395
00:16:09,907 --> 00:16:12,243
Whoa. Totally radical.
396
00:16:12,284 --> 00:16:14,704
Kite Man! Think about it.
397
00:16:14,787 --> 00:16:16,038
You came back to save me.
398
00:16:16,122 --> 00:16:18,207
However,
I do not need rescuing.
399
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:20,459
I have found my true love.
400
00:16:22,044 --> 00:16:23,295
I don't have time for this.
401
00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:24,505
I have a plan,
and I need your help.
402
00:16:24,588 --> 00:16:26,590
Anything!
What are best friends for?
403
00:16:26,632 --> 00:16:27,633
Oh... Best friends?
404
00:16:27,717 --> 00:16:29,635
Well, okay. All right.
Well, yeah.
405
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:32,388
Uh, anyway, I need
to chat with you privately.
406
00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:34,849
Anything for my best dawg!
407
00:16:34,932 --> 00:16:36,934
-Okay.
-Kaboom sound!
408
00:16:36,976 --> 00:16:38,102
Great.
409
00:16:38,144 --> 00:16:39,603
I came back here to stop Glider
410
00:16:39,645 --> 00:16:41,939
from killing her parents,
thus saving her childhood,
411
00:16:41,981 --> 00:16:43,232
thus healing
her lifelong trauma,
412
00:16:43,315 --> 00:16:44,650
hence saving our relationship
413
00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:46,736
all in one fell scoop!
Or do I mean swoop?
414
00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:49,321
God, I miss Glider so much.
She always knows what I mean.
415
00:16:49,363 --> 00:16:52,408
Golden Glider is going to kill
her super-hot mom
416
00:16:52,491 --> 00:16:54,160
who I've just fallen
in love with?
417
00:16:54,243 --> 00:16:56,328
No, I just told you,
we're stopping it.
418
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:59,331
But changing the the past
has consequences.
419
00:16:59,373 --> 00:17:02,793
But on the other hand,
if Golden Glider's father dies,
420
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:05,671
that is one less obstacle
I have to overcome
421
00:17:05,713 --> 00:17:08,924
to being with Becca,
because I'm going to save her.
422
00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:10,551
BT-dubs, I call her Becca.
423
00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:13,971
I'm thinking at some point
it will be relaxed to Becs.
424
00:17:14,013 --> 00:17:15,431
But we are not there yet.
425
00:17:15,513 --> 00:17:16,890
You are just gonna have
to figure out another way
426
00:17:16,974 --> 00:17:18,059
to get rid of Glider's dad.
427
00:17:18,142 --> 00:17:19,476
So, now I have to wait
428
00:17:19,518 --> 00:17:22,312
for a trial separation
and then a divorce?
429
00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:24,815
Do you know how long
that can take?
430
00:17:24,857 --> 00:17:27,401
It will drag out to 1993!
431
00:17:27,485 --> 00:17:30,196
Ugh, Chuck was just trying
to do a nice thing,
432
00:17:30,237 --> 00:17:32,907
and now you dumbass
ruined move-in day.
433
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:33,949
[Captain Cold] I rule!
434
00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:35,868
Ha!
435
00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:37,286
Welcome back, roomie!
436
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:39,413
What are you doing here?
437
00:17:39,497 --> 00:17:40,706
I thought you were living
438
00:17:40,748 --> 00:17:41,957
in a kiddie-diddler
ice cream van.
439
00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:43,459
Kite Dude didn't tell you?
440
00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:45,336
He gave me the green light
to move in with you guys.
441
00:17:45,378 --> 00:17:46,712
Said he was ecstatic.
442
00:17:46,796 --> 00:17:49,006
Yeah, he doesn't know
what ecstatic means.
443
00:17:49,048 --> 00:17:50,883
-Now get the hell out!
-No problem.
444
00:17:50,966 --> 00:17:52,176
I'll just stay
with Mom and Dad.
445
00:17:52,218 --> 00:17:54,387
Oh, wait! I can't
because you killed them.
446
00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:57,556
Fuck you! Where's Kite Man?
447
00:17:59,141 --> 00:18:00,559
"Hey, babe, I'm in the '80s.
448
00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:03,688
Gonna stop you from killing
your parents. BRB"?
449
00:18:03,729 --> 00:18:06,315
"PS, please DVR Young Sheldon."
450
00:18:06,399 --> 00:18:08,359
Oh, Chuck, what have you done?
451
00:18:08,401 --> 00:18:10,486
Ha! Kite Dude is gonna die
452
00:18:10,569 --> 00:18:12,196
trying to change
your childhood.
453
00:18:12,238 --> 00:18:14,407
And you're the one
who's gonna kill him.
454
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:16,409
-[laughs, groans]
-[grunts]
455
00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:17,910
-Cheap shot!
-Oh, shut up!
456
00:18:17,993 --> 00:18:19,870
Now I'm gonna be
in the bathroom
457
00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:21,080
for as long as it takes.
458
00:18:21,163 --> 00:18:23,708
Gross! [groans]
459
00:18:25,418 --> 00:18:27,253
-[Lawrence] ...if I could
stop myself...
-[grunts]
460
00:18:27,294 --> 00:18:29,255
...from knocking you up
at the bathroom
at the Slap and Wash,
461
00:18:29,296 --> 00:18:31,340
-I could have married
someone actually hot...
-Oh, my God.
462
00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:32,758
-...like Ally Ringwald.
-This was that day.
463
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,428
-Or Molly Sheedy!
-Lawrence, you shithead.
464
00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:36,887
You're making a scene.
465
00:18:36,929 --> 00:18:40,808
Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting!
Watch me skate!
466
00:18:40,891 --> 00:18:42,309
I said stop fighting!
467
00:18:42,393 --> 00:18:43,602
Yeah, asshole!
468
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,271
How hard is it
to watch her skate?
469
00:18:45,312 --> 00:18:46,814
[Rebecca] You've had enough.
470
00:18:46,897 --> 00:18:47,940
-Stupid bitch!
-[groans]
471
00:18:47,982 --> 00:18:49,942
-[gasps]
-Becca!
472
00:18:49,984 --> 00:18:51,694
[gasps]
473
00:18:51,777 --> 00:18:53,696
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Calm down, calm down.
474
00:18:53,779 --> 00:18:55,197
Everything's gonna
be all right.
475
00:18:55,281 --> 00:18:56,741
Oh, no, Chuck! No!
476
00:18:56,782 --> 00:18:58,993
-Oh, no! What's happening?
-[Kite Man] Oh, no, no!
477
00:18:59,076 --> 00:19:01,203
-Just don't...
-[all screaming]
478
00:19:03,622 --> 00:19:04,749
[grunts]
479
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,961
[all screaming]
480
00:19:15,342 --> 00:19:17,094
Babe, you saved me.
481
00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:18,971
Babe, of course I did.
482
00:19:19,013 --> 00:19:20,347
But I didn't save your parents.
483
00:19:20,431 --> 00:19:21,640
Thus, I didn't save
your whole childhood.
484
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,517
Hence your trauma
remains not erased.
485
00:19:23,601 --> 00:19:25,895
Oh, my shitty childhood
isn't what matters.
486
00:19:25,978 --> 00:19:27,897
What matters is now.
487
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:29,815
And you are my now.
488
00:19:30,483 --> 00:19:32,109
What... happened?
489
00:19:32,151 --> 00:19:34,403
Oh, my God,
I didn't kill my mom!
490
00:19:34,487 --> 00:19:37,156
I'm batting 500! Hell, yeah!
491
00:19:37,239 --> 00:19:39,492
Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
492
00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:40,785
So am I.
493
00:19:40,826 --> 00:19:42,161
Do I know you?
494
00:19:42,244 --> 00:19:44,246
No, but you will.
495
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:46,123
I just wanted to-- Oh!
496
00:19:46,165 --> 00:19:47,666
[both chuckle]
497
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:51,504
Oh, I hope you live
the life you've always wanted.
498
00:19:54,382 --> 00:19:56,509
Babe, you are super cute.
499
00:19:56,592 --> 00:19:58,761
Hey, if you ever meet a guy
named Eddie McGhee
500
00:19:58,844 --> 00:20:01,514
and he tells you
he's allergic to condoms,
501
00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:03,808
do not believe him.
502
00:20:07,395 --> 00:20:09,397
Babe, I can't tinkle
with you staring at me.
503
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,440
Babe, we're roommates now.
504
00:20:11,524 --> 00:20:13,484
I assumed we'd have
an open door pee policy.
505
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:15,236
Uh, babe, no, we don't.
506
00:20:15,319 --> 00:20:17,363
And we never will.
Please, turn around.
507
00:20:18,698 --> 00:20:19,824
[urinating]
508
00:20:26,038 --> 00:20:28,749
[sighs] Feels good to be home.
509
00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:31,544
I know it's not a boat, babe,
but it's ours.
510
00:20:31,627 --> 00:20:34,630
Yeah, who needs a boat
when you have a kite?
511
00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:37,550
[machine whirring]
512
00:20:39,552 --> 00:20:40,970
Heard of knocking?
513
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:42,179
Are those margaritas
514
00:20:42,221 --> 00:20:44,265
that you spilled
all over my bed?
515
00:20:44,348 --> 00:20:45,808
You are fucking worthless.
516
00:20:45,891 --> 00:20:48,185
Get out! Go live with Mom now
since we just saved her.
517
00:20:48,227 --> 00:20:49,478
What are you talking about?
518
00:20:49,562 --> 00:20:51,355
You killed her and Dad,
you psycho!
519
00:20:51,397 --> 00:20:53,274
What? No. Mom didn't die.
520
00:20:53,357 --> 00:20:55,276
Well, then where is she?
521
00:20:58,446 --> 00:21:00,781
My love, even though
I was warned
522
00:21:00,865 --> 00:21:04,243
that changing the future
could have dire consequences,
523
00:21:04,285 --> 00:21:06,037
I said, "Fuck it!"
524
00:21:06,078 --> 00:21:10,458
I'm staying right here to live
happily ever after with you.
525
00:21:10,541 --> 00:21:11,500
Yeah, whatever.
526
00:21:11,584 --> 00:21:13,461
Now that my husband is gone,
527
00:21:13,544 --> 00:21:15,713
It's like
that random woman said,
528
00:21:15,755 --> 00:21:19,300
I can live the life
I've always wanted.
529
00:21:19,383 --> 00:21:21,510
[laughing] Yes! Yes!
530
00:21:21,594 --> 00:21:23,220
-Yes!
-But your children?
531
00:21:23,262 --> 00:21:25,514
[grunts] Where is my mom?
532
00:21:25,598 --> 00:21:28,726
-Uh, she is not here.
-What do you mean?
533
00:21:28,768 --> 00:21:31,353
She certainly
did not abandon you.
534
00:21:31,437 --> 00:21:34,273
It's much better news
than that.
535
00:21:34,315 --> 00:21:36,859
She, uh, died in the 'splosion!
536
00:21:36,901 --> 00:21:38,694
-What?
-Okay.
537
00:21:38,778 --> 00:21:40,654
I gotta get back to the future.
538
00:21:40,738 --> 00:21:43,449
I sure as shit
am not doing two sequels
539
00:21:43,532 --> 00:21:44,950
to this damn story.
540
00:21:48,662 --> 00:21:50,790
Where are the pictures
of my mom?
541
00:21:52,124 --> 00:21:53,793
[grunting]
542
00:21:53,876 --> 00:21:56,462
There is literally nothing here
to indicate that she's alive.
543
00:21:56,545 --> 00:21:58,756
What the fuck happened to her?
544
00:22:03,302 --> 00:22:07,556
[grunting]
545
00:22:10,810 --> 00:22:13,688
-[groaning]
-[sinister laughter]
546
00:22:17,775 --> 00:22:19,985
[theme music playing]
547
00:22:46,595 --> 00:22:48,848
♪ Hell, yeah! ♪
548
00:22:48,848 --> 00:22:53,848
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549
00:22:48,848 --> 00:22:58,848
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