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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,437 --> 00:00:03,724 NARRATOR: Kids, it's not always rational, but people on their wedding day 2 00:00:03,725 --> 00:00:05,642 sometimes find themselves panicking 3 00:00:05,644 --> 00:00:07,894 about whether they've made the best choice. 4 00:00:07,896 --> 00:00:09,379 I have a better tie at home! 5 00:00:09,381 --> 00:00:11,398 It's cornflower blue. It's cornflower blue! 6 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,768 NARRATOR: But lucky for Barney, he was marrying a rock. 7 00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:16,469 I can't go through with this wedding. 8 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:23,143 Last year, when you helped Victoria escape this church, 9 00:00:23,145 --> 00:00:25,228 how hard was it to climb down that drainpipe? 10 00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:26,279 Extremely hard. 11 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,781 Okay, so that means super easy. Thanks. 12 00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:28,949 Wait, wait. Stop, stop. 13 00:00:28,951 --> 00:00:30,367 What the hell are you doing? 14 00:00:30,369 --> 00:00:31,985 I just... I can't go through with this! 15 00:00:31,987 --> 00:00:33,920 No, no. Sorry. I refuse to be a part 16 00:00:33,922 --> 00:00:35,238 of a third runaway bride situation. 17 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,007 It's like the dude 18 00:00:37,009 --> 00:00:39,042 in that documentary who kept having women show up dead 19 00:00:39,044 --> 00:00:40,243 at the bottom of his staircase. 20 00:00:40,245 --> 00:00:41,595 Sure, maybe they all tripped, but it's like, 21 00:00:41,597 --> 00:00:43,246 do you want to hang out with that guy? 22 00:00:43,248 --> 00:00:45,599 God, you're gonna think I'm insane, but... 23 00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:49,352 I still think that it's a bad sign I never found that locket. 24 00:00:56,777 --> 00:01:00,480 Some part of me thought that Barney would magically find it. 25 00:01:00,482 --> 00:01:01,598 I know. 26 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:02,932 I know that's unfair of me 27 00:01:02,934 --> 00:01:06,102 to expect that, but... you know, I want to be with a guy 28 00:01:06,104 --> 00:01:08,655 who comes through for me, you know? 29 00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:10,140 The guy who, 30 00:01:10,142 --> 00:01:13,043 somehow, against all odds, 31 00:01:13,045 --> 00:01:15,545 finds my locket. 32 00:01:15,547 --> 00:01:18,614 Okay, just, um... just calm down, stay put. 33 00:01:18,616 --> 00:01:21,718 Uh, I'm-I'm gonna go get you some water, okay? 34 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:44,404 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x22 ♪ The End of the Aisle Original Air Date on March 24, 2014 35 00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:49,429 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 36 00:01:51,782 --> 00:01:53,783 Uh, listen, I have something for you, 37 00:01:53,785 --> 00:01:55,585 but before I give it to you, 38 00:01:55,587 --> 00:01:57,704 I just want to make sure you're okay. 39 00:01:57,706 --> 00:01:59,489 I was freaking out a little earlier, 40 00:01:59,491 --> 00:02:01,925 but Lily and Marshall calmed me down. I'm okay. 41 00:02:01,927 --> 00:02:04,377 Good, good. So, Robin's a little nervous. 42 00:02:04,379 --> 00:02:05,845 Nervous? Why is she nervous? 43 00:02:05,847 --> 00:02:07,163 I'm not nervous! Who's nervous?! 44 00:02:07,165 --> 00:02:08,682 No one needs to be nervous! 45 00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:11,301 Cornflower blue, Ted. Cornflower blue! 46 00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:14,521 First off, kudos to Marshall and Lily for calming you down. 47 00:02:16,807 --> 00:02:20,060 Second, do you... you remember Robin's locket? 48 00:02:20,062 --> 00:02:21,728 Yeah, of course. 49 00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:23,646 She never found it. 50 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,184 Whoa. How did you...? 51 00:02:28,186 --> 00:02:30,036 I never told you about it because I was afraid 52 00:02:30,038 --> 00:02:31,204 you'd take it the wrong way, 53 00:02:31,206 --> 00:02:32,722 but I actually wound up tracking it down. 54 00:02:32,724 --> 00:02:35,125 It's a long story. 55 00:02:35,127 --> 00:02:37,711 I was gonna give it to Robin as a surprise, 56 00:02:37,713 --> 00:02:40,863 but... she needs it to come from you. 57 00:02:40,865 --> 00:02:43,032 Ted, I don't know. 58 00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:44,918 Take it. Please. 59 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,920 How'd you find it? 60 00:02:46,922 --> 00:02:48,922 I didn't find it. 61 00:02:48,924 --> 00:02:51,040 You found it. 62 00:02:53,227 --> 00:02:55,228 ♪ 63 00:03:00,518 --> 00:03:02,235 Hey. Hey. 64 00:03:02,237 --> 00:03:03,737 What you writing? 65 00:03:03,739 --> 00:03:05,321 Um, it's my wedding day. 66 00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:06,773 What do you think I'm writing? 67 00:03:06,775 --> 00:03:07,824 Suicide note? 68 00:03:07,826 --> 00:03:09,859 Hey-yo! (laughs) 69 00:03:09,861 --> 00:03:11,611 Oh, God, is it a suicide note? 70 00:03:11,613 --> 00:03:13,747 Oh, my God, how many pills did you take? 71 00:03:13,749 --> 00:03:15,365 Quick. How do we make him vomit? 72 00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:17,584 Uh, remind him he's getting married. Hey-yo! 73 00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:19,235 (laughs) Wait. Now I'm confused. 74 00:03:19,237 --> 00:03:20,904 Are you dying? 75 00:03:20,906 --> 00:03:22,505 I'm writing my vows to Robin, 76 00:03:22,507 --> 00:03:25,041 but I want them to be profound and inspiring, 77 00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:27,410 as if they were written by the bard himself, 78 00:03:27,412 --> 00:03:29,312 Lionel Richie. 79 00:03:29,314 --> 00:03:30,430 Then why did you wait 80 00:03:30,432 --> 00:03:31,965 until right before the wedding to compose them? 81 00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:33,099 I didn't. I've been trying 82 00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:34,884 to get these right for weeks. Oh. 83 00:03:34,886 --> 00:03:36,586 This is a lot of vows. 84 00:03:36,588 --> 00:03:38,805 Vow-za. 85 00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:40,390 I'll say it again. Vow-za. 86 00:03:40,392 --> 00:03:42,142 Are you really gonna read all of these? 87 00:03:42,144 --> 00:03:44,227 Yeah, uh, wouldn't it be better to project them 88 00:03:44,229 --> 00:03:45,395 as a VowerPoint presentation? 89 00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:47,480 (clicks tongue) Say it again. VowerPoint... 90 00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:49,616 I know it's a lot, but I-I don't 91 00:03:49,618 --> 00:03:51,934 want to screw up this wedding thing. 92 00:03:51,936 --> 00:03:54,604 "I vow to love you forever unconditionally, 93 00:03:54,606 --> 00:03:57,273 "unless you pudge out, in which case 94 00:03:57,275 --> 00:04:00,243 I'm a Barney-shaped hole in the wall." 95 00:04:00,245 --> 00:04:02,295 "I vow to start watching hockey with you.."" 96 00:04:02,297 --> 00:04:03,446 Oh, that one's sweet. 97 00:04:03,448 --> 00:04:04,998 I know how much you hate hockey. 98 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,249 "...once a month"" 99 00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:07,750 But it's still a nice gesture. 100 00:04:07,752 --> 00:04:09,419 "No. Once a year. No. Hockey's dumb. 101 00:04:09,421 --> 00:04:11,137 "Not watching it, and neither are you, woman. 102 00:04:11,139 --> 00:04:12,338 Now make me French toast"" 103 00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:14,123 I'll put this in the maybe pile. 104 00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:17,143 Look, if you're having trouble, 105 00:04:17,145 --> 00:04:18,978 you've got two expert vow consultants 106 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,730 standing right in front of you. 107 00:04:20,732 --> 00:04:22,932 Yeah. We can show you vow it's done. 108 00:04:24,385 --> 00:04:25,902 Say it again. Vow it's done... 109 00:04:25,904 --> 00:04:28,438 We're just not enjoying them, honey. 110 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,657 I am not gonna take marriage advice from a couple 111 00:04:30,659 --> 00:04:32,525 who just got in a gigantic fight. 112 00:04:32,527 --> 00:04:34,143 I'm doing fine on my own. 113 00:04:34,145 --> 00:04:35,778 No, you're not. 114 00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:39,332 All of these vows are selfish and way too easy to keep. 115 00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:42,035 Wedding vows need to be real commitments, 116 00:04:42,037 --> 00:04:43,436 like our vows. 117 00:04:43,438 --> 00:04:44,587 Poppycock! 118 00:04:44,589 --> 00:04:45,788 What are you talking about? 119 00:04:45,790 --> 00:04:47,957 I remember your precious wedding vows, 120 00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:51,444 and I guarantee you've broken every single one of them. 121 00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:52,846 Vow dare you! 122 00:04:52,848 --> 00:04:53,847 Just stop. 123 00:04:53,849 --> 00:04:56,950 I can't. It's invowluntary. 124 00:04:56,952 --> 00:04:58,852 (knocking) Yeah. 125 00:04:58,854 --> 00:05:00,637 Hey. You asked for me? 126 00:05:00,639 --> 00:05:02,689 Look what Barney just gave me. 127 00:05:04,024 --> 00:05:05,525 No way! 128 00:05:05,527 --> 00:05:07,777 See? Barney came through. 129 00:05:07,779 --> 00:05:09,145 There's your sign. 130 00:05:09,147 --> 00:05:10,680 You're good to go. 131 00:05:10,682 --> 00:05:12,448 Where'd you find the locket, Ted? 132 00:05:18,538 --> 00:05:20,071 Where did you find the locket? 133 00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,923 Me? Why-why are you asking me? 134 00:05:21,925 --> 00:05:23,792 Barney found it. Ask him. 135 00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:25,243 What, you lost a locket? 136 00:05:25,245 --> 00:05:27,395 Barney wouldn't tell me how he found it, 137 00:05:27,397 --> 00:05:30,215 which made me realize it had to be you. 138 00:05:30,217 --> 00:05:32,267 (laughs): Okay. 139 00:05:32,269 --> 00:05:34,352 I'll embarrass him. 140 00:05:34,354 --> 00:05:36,605 Your fiancé got a metal detector 141 00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:39,724 and scoured a 10,000-square-foot grid around that carousel. 142 00:05:39,726 --> 00:05:41,443 Guess where he found it. 143 00:05:41,445 --> 00:05:44,029 The nest of a mama pigeon. 144 00:05:44,031 --> 00:05:46,815 (laughs): Barney had to wrestle it away from four baby pigeons. 145 00:05:46,817 --> 00:05:48,717 But here's where the story gets bittersweet. 146 00:05:48,719 --> 00:05:51,736 I lied. Barney said it was in Marshall and Lily's basement. 147 00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:55,240 But do you still want to finish your little pigeon story? 148 00:05:55,242 --> 00:05:57,209 The mama pigeon gets killed by a cab. 149 00:05:57,211 --> 00:05:59,494 Barney still goes back to the park every day 150 00:05:59,496 --> 00:06:01,413 to feed the babies. The end. 151 00:06:02,281 --> 00:06:04,416 Tell me the truth. 152 00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:07,302 Okay, I-I tracked it down, 153 00:06:07,304 --> 00:06:09,671 and I gave it to Barney to give to you. 154 00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:11,106 Honestly, it was no big deal. 155 00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:12,090 How did you find it? 156 00:06:12,092 --> 00:06:14,626 Psh. How does anybody find anything? 157 00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:15,760 You hear it might be in your 158 00:06:15,762 --> 00:06:16,978 race car pencil box. It's not there. 159 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,230 So you swing by your ex-fiancée's 160 00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:19,347 storage locker on the opposite coast. 161 00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:20,482 It's not there. 162 00:06:20,484 --> 00:06:22,067 You learn Victoria has it in Germany, 163 00:06:22,069 --> 00:06:23,735 but Jeanette intercepts it, throws it in Central Park Lake. 164 00:06:23,737 --> 00:06:25,353 It's a nice day for a swim, so what the heck? 165 00:06:25,355 --> 00:06:27,272 You dive in, scoop it up, make it home in time for Jeopardy! 166 00:06:27,274 --> 00:06:28,773 Ease to the pease. Happy wedding. 167 00:06:32,745 --> 00:06:35,597 You're seriously questioning our wedding vows? 168 00:06:35,599 --> 00:06:37,866 Us? Uh, we're adorable. 169 00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:40,835 We're Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch. 170 00:06:40,837 --> 00:06:42,704 Okay, I'll give you this. 171 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:45,657 Your little pre-wedding wedding out by the tree-- 172 00:06:45,659 --> 00:06:47,825 you said some very sweet stuff. 173 00:06:47,827 --> 00:06:49,928 Hell, Ted even cried. 174 00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:50,712 (scoffs) 175 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,913 Ted. 176 00:06:52,748 --> 00:06:55,100 But later, at the actual wedding... 177 00:06:55,102 --> 00:06:56,418 Lily Aldrin, 178 00:06:56,420 --> 00:07:00,205 I vow to be there for you in sickness and in health. 179 00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:01,473 Hate to tell you, Lilypad, 180 00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:03,341 but Marshall has since confessed to me 181 00:07:03,343 --> 00:07:05,610 that en route to your honeymoon... 182 00:07:05,612 --> 00:07:08,063 (retching): Oh. Oh, God. 183 00:07:09,949 --> 00:07:11,683 (snoring) 184 00:07:11,685 --> 00:07:13,451 You son of a beech. You son of a beech. 185 00:07:13,453 --> 00:07:15,019 Do you deny it? 186 00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,156 Lily, you know I'm not a vomit guy, 187 00:07:18,158 --> 00:07:19,958 and I just thought I should give you your space. 188 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,242 Like a dying cat. 189 00:07:21,244 --> 00:07:22,477 Oh, yeah, that saves it. 190 00:07:22,479 --> 00:07:23,862 I'm so sorry I let you down. 191 00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:25,863 Hang on there, Marshmallow. 192 00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:28,383 Remember when the blushing bride said... 193 00:07:28,385 --> 00:07:31,670 I vow to honor and respect you. 194 00:07:31,672 --> 00:07:34,139 Maybe she was blushing because she was lying her ass off. 195 00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:35,473 Not two months later... 196 00:07:35,475 --> 00:07:37,425 Shh. Okay. Okay. 197 00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:41,746 Hey, not cool! 198 00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:45,317 You will not take a picture of my husband like that! 199 00:07:47,086 --> 00:07:48,236 (laughter) 200 00:07:48,238 --> 00:07:49,504 (camera clicks) 201 00:07:49,506 --> 00:07:50,839 MARSHALL: You took part 202 00:07:50,841 --> 00:07:53,224 in the bearded Wonder Woman incident of 2007? 203 00:07:53,226 --> 00:07:55,727 Lily, that photo got all over Friendster 204 00:07:55,729 --> 00:07:59,564 and Myspace and... man, 2007 was a long time ago. 205 00:08:00,282 --> 00:08:01,616 Ted, I can't believe 206 00:08:01,618 --> 00:08:03,752 how much trouble you went through to get this for me. 207 00:08:03,754 --> 00:08:05,587 It really wasn't that much trouble. 208 00:08:05,589 --> 00:08:06,821 Yes, it was. 209 00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:09,574 You always go big for me. 210 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,343 Not as big as Barney. 211 00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,678 Canadian rehearsal dinner on ice-- big. 212 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,463 The way he proposed-- huge. 213 00:08:15,465 --> 00:08:16,681 Yeah, but think about it. 214 00:08:16,683 --> 00:08:17,966 Those are the most loving things 215 00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:19,551 that Barney has ever done for me, 216 00:08:19,553 --> 00:08:20,869 and they're all based on lies. 217 00:08:20,871 --> 00:08:23,138 Right down to taking credit for this locket. 218 00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:24,356 That's not fair. 219 00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:25,690 I told Barney to take credit for it. 220 00:08:25,692 --> 00:08:27,692 Which he did without blinking an eye. 221 00:08:27,694 --> 00:08:28,593 Because lying 222 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,111 is second nature to Barney. 223 00:08:30,113 --> 00:08:31,312 Everything's legendary. 224 00:08:31,314 --> 00:08:32,814 You know what "legendary" means? 225 00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,098 Not real. 226 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,234 I mean, the man's initials are "B.S." 227 00:08:36,236 --> 00:08:39,738 If it helps, I'm pretty sure Barney Stinson's a fake name. 228 00:08:40,222 --> 00:08:42,023 I'm kidding. 229 00:08:42,025 --> 00:08:45,443 You're the one who always comes through for me, Ted. 230 00:08:45,445 --> 00:08:48,213 The one who's there for me. 231 00:08:49,298 --> 00:08:51,499 Maybe I'm making a mistake. 232 00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:54,402 Wait. What-what are you saying? 233 00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:58,306 Maybe I should be marrying you. 234 00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:02,126 Wait. I know one vow we kept. 235 00:09:02,128 --> 00:09:06,347 I vow to make you breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. 236 00:09:06,349 --> 00:09:07,382 Really? You still do that? 237 00:09:07,384 --> 00:09:09,934 Absolutely. 238 00:09:09,936 --> 00:09:12,353 (baby crying) 239 00:09:12,355 --> 00:09:14,606 MARSHALL: Heads up! 240 00:09:15,658 --> 00:09:18,610 Oh! No cream cheese? 241 00:09:19,412 --> 00:09:21,479 Oh. 242 00:09:21,481 --> 00:09:23,948 BARNEY: Oh! 243 00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,917 You feed her like Sloth from Goonies. 244 00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:27,519 So the magic's still there. 245 00:09:27,521 --> 00:09:28,837 Well, here's one 246 00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:30,789 you definitely didn't keep. 247 00:09:30,791 --> 00:09:34,492 I vow to keep the romantic spark alive. 248 00:09:34,494 --> 00:09:37,028 And how is that going for you these days? 249 00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:38,463 MARSHALL: Are you watching Marvin? 250 00:09:38,465 --> 00:09:39,881 I'm trimming my nose hair. 251 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,299 LILY: I'm dumping out. 252 00:09:41,301 --> 00:09:43,134 I watched him all morning, Lily. 253 00:09:43,136 --> 00:09:44,302 I need a break. 254 00:09:44,304 --> 00:09:46,438 I don't control when my deuces happen, Marshall. 255 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,640 Deuces are wild! 256 00:09:48,642 --> 00:09:50,725 (laughing) 257 00:09:50,727 --> 00:09:51,876 Ted, 258 00:09:51,878 --> 00:09:53,862 I should be with you. 259 00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:55,864 NARRATOR: There it was-- the words 260 00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:58,466 that some deep, dark part of me always wanted to hear. 261 00:09:58,468 --> 00:09:59,701 But it's funny. 262 00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,970 Once you actually hear those words out loud... 263 00:10:01,972 --> 00:10:03,788 I don't want to hear that. 264 00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:04,873 We should get out of here. 265 00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:07,659 You and me right now. We'll... 266 00:10:07,661 --> 00:10:09,294 We'll move to Chicago. W-We'll start a new life. 267 00:10:09,296 --> 00:10:10,495 It'll-it'll be painful at first, 268 00:10:10,497 --> 00:10:12,030 but, hell, I can root for the Blackhawks. 269 00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:13,298 Stop! Stop! 270 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,333 You're just saying this because you're scared. 271 00:10:15,335 --> 00:10:18,036 I am not your future. Barney is. 272 00:10:18,038 --> 00:10:21,489 Shouldn't I be with the guy who finds me my locket? 273 00:10:21,491 --> 00:10:24,509 The guy who steals me the blue French horn. 274 00:10:24,511 --> 00:10:26,678 I mean, look me in the eye and tell me, 275 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,263 why shouldn't I be with that guy? 276 00:10:28,265 --> 00:10:31,349 Because I'm not that guy anymore. 277 00:10:31,351 --> 00:10:34,936 Then why did you work so hard to find me my locket? 278 00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:36,571 It... it was a wedding gift. 279 00:10:36,573 --> 00:10:38,690 Ted, stop it, okay? I know you better than that. 280 00:10:38,692 --> 00:10:40,692 This is more than a wedding gift. 281 00:10:40,694 --> 00:10:43,995 Maybe it started out that way. Maybe some part of me thought... 282 00:10:43,997 --> 00:10:46,447 That you still loved me. 283 00:10:46,449 --> 00:10:47,866 Maybe. 284 00:10:47,868 --> 00:10:49,501 But the truth is... 285 00:10:49,503 --> 00:10:51,586 I don't love you like that anymore. 286 00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:53,905 And you don't love me. 287 00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:55,056 You love Barney. 288 00:10:55,058 --> 00:10:56,374 And if you think 289 00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:59,544 I would ever be part of screwing that up, 290 00:10:59,546 --> 00:11:02,447 then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin. 291 00:11:02,449 --> 00:11:04,148 (groans) 292 00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:05,800 I... I can't shake it. 293 00:11:05,802 --> 00:11:07,468 I-I can't shake this feeling 294 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:10,922 that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense. 295 00:11:10,924 --> 00:11:13,107 But love doesn't make sense. 296 00:11:13,109 --> 00:11:14,192 I mean, you can't 297 00:11:14,194 --> 00:11:16,194 logic your way into or out of it. 298 00:11:16,196 --> 00:11:20,064 Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it 299 00:11:20,066 --> 00:11:23,100 or else we're lost and-and love is dead 300 00:11:23,102 --> 00:11:25,286 and humanity should just pack it in. 301 00:11:25,288 --> 00:11:28,323 Because love is the best thing we do. 302 00:11:29,825 --> 00:11:32,710 Look, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's-it's just true. 303 00:11:32,712 --> 00:11:36,664 You love Barney, and-and he loves you. 304 00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:39,334 And that doesn't have to make sense 305 00:11:39,336 --> 00:11:41,302 to make sense. 306 00:11:43,672 --> 00:11:47,475 Remember back when you had never even seen me pee? 307 00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:49,811 Yeah. Yeah. 308 00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:51,396 Oh, sorry. 309 00:11:51,398 --> 00:11:52,797 We were so innocent then. 310 00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,298 So many dreams. 311 00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,150 Trying to work over here. 312 00:11:56,152 --> 00:11:57,769 Bright, shimmering future ahead. 313 00:11:57,771 --> 00:12:00,438 Now we're basically a couple of wild animals 314 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,074 grunting at each other to throw some toilet paper 315 00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:05,460 through the crack in the bathroom door. 316 00:12:05,462 --> 00:12:07,144 Baby, let's be honest. 317 00:12:07,146 --> 00:12:11,499 At this point, that door is wide open. 318 00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:13,501 You know what you should use the next time you run out 319 00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:15,286 of toilet paper? Your wedding vows. 320 00:12:15,288 --> 00:12:16,921 'Cause that's all your marriage has been, 321 00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:19,257 one long six-year wipe 322 00:12:19,259 --> 00:12:21,509 after that double-flusher of a wedding. 323 00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:23,294 Stinson out! 324 00:12:25,497 --> 00:12:26,464 You okay? 325 00:12:26,466 --> 00:12:27,715 Yeah. 326 00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:29,701 You're right. I'm-I'm being insane. 327 00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:30,802 Oh, come on, Robin. 328 00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:33,521 That's... accurate. 329 00:12:33,523 --> 00:12:34,772 (chuckles) 330 00:12:34,774 --> 00:12:36,224 We can't run away together. 331 00:12:36,226 --> 00:12:38,226 (chuckles) Of course not. 332 00:12:38,228 --> 00:12:40,612 So I'm just gonna run away alone! 333 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,567 (panting) 334 00:12:48,037 --> 00:12:49,687 Damn it. 335 00:12:49,689 --> 00:12:51,556 (panting) 336 00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:52,907 (yelps) Whoa! 337 00:12:52,909 --> 00:12:55,977 NARRATOR: And that's how Robin met your mother. 338 00:12:59,685 --> 00:13:02,153 Wait, what are we doing here? 339 00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:04,522 Lily, our-our wedding vows, 340 00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:07,141 maybe they were just too perfect for real life. 341 00:13:07,143 --> 00:13:09,977 Real life is messier than that, and... 342 00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:12,780 we're different people than we were in 2007. 343 00:13:12,782 --> 00:13:13,815 But that's okay. 344 00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:16,684 Maybe we just need some updated vows. 345 00:13:16,686 --> 00:13:18,453 So I thought maybe before this place 346 00:13:18,455 --> 00:13:22,707 gets too busy, we could... borrow this altar for a minute. 347 00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:28,179 Lily Aldrin, 348 00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:31,933 I vow to stop shouting stuff at you when you're dumping out. 349 00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:33,284 You're the love of my life, 350 00:13:33,286 --> 00:13:36,104 and you deserve to make a deuce in peace. 351 00:13:37,523 --> 00:13:40,141 I vow to stop pointing out every dog erection we see 352 00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:41,559 when we walk through the park, 353 00:13:41,561 --> 00:13:43,844 even though they are incredibly weird looking. 354 00:13:43,846 --> 00:13:46,631 Oh, just don't point and scream "Maybe it's Maybelline." 355 00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:50,401 Marshall Eriksen, I vow to always tell you 356 00:13:50,403 --> 00:13:52,787 when you have green stuff in your teeth. 357 00:13:52,789 --> 00:13:54,772 You have green stuff in your teeth. 358 00:13:54,774 --> 00:13:56,241 Oh. (chuckles) 359 00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:59,961 I vow to always sit next to you and hug you, 360 00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:01,880 even if you're covered in vomit, 361 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:02,947 whether it's yours 362 00:14:02,949 --> 00:14:04,883 or Marvin's or-- 363 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:08,035 in the case of what came to be known as Spew Year's Eve 1998-- 364 00:14:08,037 --> 00:14:10,388 my own. Sorry. 365 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,173 I vow to stop getting so angry... 366 00:14:12,175 --> 00:14:13,308 Ooh, I just thought of another one. 367 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,375 ...when you interrupt me. 368 00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:15,894 Mine was to interrupt you less, 369 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,428 so that's good. 370 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,348 I vow... 371 00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:23,551 to finally stop petitioning Paul McCartney 372 00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:26,554 to let Weird Al record "Chicken Pot Pie" 373 00:14:26,556 --> 00:14:30,074 to the tune of "Live and Let Die." 374 00:14:30,076 --> 00:14:31,776 It's over. 375 00:14:31,778 --> 00:14:33,328 I'll let it go. 376 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,396 I vow... 377 00:14:35,398 --> 00:14:38,533 to cry less during this pregnancy. 378 00:14:38,535 --> 00:14:41,119 I vow to cry less during this Vikings season. 379 00:14:41,121 --> 00:14:43,788 Mm, with that secondary, I wouldn't make that promise. 380 00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:47,375 I vow to keep at least 80% of these vows. 381 00:14:47,377 --> 00:14:48,927 That seems high. 382 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:52,430 And I vow to keep updating them as we go. 383 00:14:53,515 --> 00:14:55,082 Because one set of vows, 384 00:14:55,084 --> 00:14:57,969 it can't cover a lifetime of growing 385 00:14:57,971 --> 00:15:00,204 and changing with you, 386 00:15:00,206 --> 00:15:03,090 of raising children with you... 387 00:15:04,259 --> 00:15:07,895 ...falling more and more in love with you every day, 388 00:15:07,897 --> 00:15:10,782 Lily Aldrin, which is what I vow to do 389 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,850 for the rest of my life. 390 00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:17,038 Crap. I already broke my crying vow. 391 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,790 I'll forgive you. 392 00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:30,635 I am so sorry. Are you okay? Oh... 393 00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:32,420 That was totally my fault. 394 00:15:32,422 --> 00:15:34,222 No. The bride is always right. It was my fault. 395 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,340 Are you okay? 396 00:15:35,342 --> 00:15:37,342 I'm fine. 397 00:15:37,344 --> 00:15:39,644 Are you sure? 398 00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:41,296 Because you were sprinting 399 00:15:41,298 --> 00:15:43,564 from a church in a wedding dress. 400 00:15:43,566 --> 00:15:44,799 And as a kid, 401 00:15:44,801 --> 00:15:46,734 I was a bit of a detective... 402 00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,069 (chuckles): so... 403 00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:50,238 Um... 404 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,824 to be honest, I'm-I'm wondering if this... 405 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:56,711 whole getting married thing is something I can go through with. 406 00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:59,163 Oh. 407 00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:01,699 Wow. 408 00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:04,085 That's it? 409 00:16:04,087 --> 00:16:06,287 Aren't you supposed to talk me out of it? 410 00:16:06,289 --> 00:16:09,156 Tell me it's just cold feet? I'm-I'm being crazy? 411 00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:11,709 Okay, during that fall, we did kind of get to second base 412 00:16:11,711 --> 00:16:13,511 with each other-- and we'll always share that-- 413 00:16:13,513 --> 00:16:16,147 but I don't really know you. 414 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,365 So... 415 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,666 here's all I'll say: 416 00:16:18,668 --> 00:16:20,000 when I'm overwhelmed, 417 00:16:20,002 --> 00:16:21,686 I force myself to do one simple thing 418 00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:24,338 before I have to make a decision: 419 00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:28,676 close my eyes and take three deep breaths. 420 00:16:28,678 --> 00:16:31,145 Three deep breaths. Mm-hmm. 421 00:16:31,147 --> 00:16:34,866 Sometimes even three deep breaths can change everything. 422 00:16:44,710 --> 00:16:47,962 (breathing deeply) 423 00:16:57,573 --> 00:16:58,906 Barney? 424 00:16:58,908 --> 00:17:00,842 Hey, I've been looking for you. You okay? 425 00:17:00,844 --> 00:17:03,678 Uh... yeah. I-I was just talking to the... 426 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,432 the band about the... thing with the stuff. 427 00:17:07,434 --> 00:17:09,167 What are those? 428 00:17:09,169 --> 00:17:10,401 My vows. 429 00:17:11,386 --> 00:17:13,387 I-I know it's bad luck to see the bride 430 00:17:13,389 --> 00:17:16,324 right before the ceremony, but I realized something. 431 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:19,226 Marshall and Lily have broken most of their wedding vows, 432 00:17:19,228 --> 00:17:21,079 but they're still the best couple I know. 433 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,780 I think their biggest problem 434 00:17:22,782 --> 00:17:25,533 was that Marshall didn't tell Lily the truth. 435 00:17:25,535 --> 00:17:28,235 So... 436 00:17:29,922 --> 00:17:32,907 I've decided to make only one vow to you, 437 00:17:32,909 --> 00:17:36,844 because it's the only one that really counts. 438 00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:39,097 Robin Scherbatsky... 439 00:17:40,249 --> 00:17:42,316 ...from this day forward, 440 00:17:42,318 --> 00:17:45,052 I am always gonna be honest with you. 441 00:17:46,004 --> 00:17:47,839 'Cause I love you. 442 00:17:49,108 --> 00:17:50,708 I'll see you up there. 443 00:17:51,376 --> 00:17:54,278 Oh. 444 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,147 Ted got that locket for you. 445 00:17:56,149 --> 00:17:58,265 He's the one you should thank. 446 00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:02,987 Barney, wait. 447 00:18:14,115 --> 00:18:17,618 (Pachelbel's Canon in D playing) 448 00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:22,990 (quietly): What is it? 449 00:18:22,992 --> 00:18:24,642 The cornflower blue tie. 450 00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:26,561 That's the one I should be wearing. 451 00:18:27,646 --> 00:18:29,647 It's right by my bed. Back in Manhattan. 452 00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:31,983 Stall for me. I'll be back in six hours, tops. 453 00:18:35,637 --> 00:18:36,854 That's all of 'em! 454 00:18:36,856 --> 00:18:38,206 Wow. 455 00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:39,157 Wait. 456 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,942 I'm free. 457 00:18:40,944 --> 00:18:42,660 It's over. 458 00:18:42,662 --> 00:18:45,997 The slap bet is finally... over? 459 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:47,815 Yeah, it is, buddy. 460 00:18:47,817 --> 00:18:50,418 (exhales) Thank you. 461 00:18:54,039 --> 00:18:55,322 You know, this may sound crazy, 462 00:18:55,324 --> 00:18:56,791 but I'm gonna miss that slap bet. 463 00:18:56,793 --> 00:18:58,376 No, you won't. No, you're right. I won't. 464 00:18:58,378 --> 00:19:00,928 (Handel's "Hornpipe" from Water Music playing) 465 00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:22,683 Hi. 466 00:19:22,685 --> 00:19:23,901 Hi. 467 00:19:24,903 --> 00:19:26,704 You've never looked more beautiful, Robin. 468 00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:28,856 Nobody asked you, Patrice. 469 00:19:28,858 --> 00:19:30,458 By the way, 470 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:34,412 in the interest of honesty, we really do have a ring bear. 471 00:19:34,414 --> 00:19:35,746 What? 472 00:19:39,718 --> 00:19:42,220 Oh. I love the ring bear. 473 00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:45,590 Then you are gonna love the flower gorilla. 474 00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:47,174 What? Kidding. I'm kidding. 475 00:19:47,176 --> 00:19:48,893 (chuckles) 476 00:19:48,895 --> 00:19:50,044 (clears throat) 477 00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:57,318 ♪ If I ever were to lose you... ♪ 478 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,620 NARRATOR: Kids, I won't lie, 479 00:19:59,622 --> 00:20:01,439 that was a long weekend. 480 00:20:02,491 --> 00:20:05,943 More ups and downs than I can count. 481 00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:10,915 ♪ I've not found by myself... 482 00:20:10,917 --> 00:20:12,867 It was a twisting, 483 00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:15,286 turning road that led to the end of the aisle, 484 00:20:15,288 --> 00:20:18,906 and not everything along the way was perfect. 485 00:20:18,908 --> 00:20:20,458 To be honest, 486 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:23,010 not everything to follow would be perfect either. 487 00:20:23,012 --> 00:20:24,845 But what is? 488 00:20:24,847 --> 00:20:26,747 Here's the secret, kids: 489 00:20:26,749 --> 00:20:30,384 none of us can vow to be perfect. 490 00:20:30,386 --> 00:20:33,387 In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other 491 00:20:33,389 --> 00:20:34,722 with everything we've got. 492 00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:38,759 ♪ 'Cause I can see ♪ 493 00:20:38,761 --> 00:20:41,062 ♪ Our future days... 494 00:20:41,064 --> 00:20:43,481 Because love's the best thing we do. 495 00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:47,535 ♪ Days of you and me... 496 00:20:50,539 --> 00:20:52,958 And on that lovely spring evening, 497 00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:55,877 that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. 498 00:20:57,402 --> 00:20:58,901 And it was legendary. 499 00:20:58,903 --> 00:21:03,903 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 36045

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