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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:08,471 --> 00:00:09,008
TED:
Hi.
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,743
Hi.
3
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,111
Okay.
4
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,813
(chuckles)
5
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,416
So I thought we'd...
try this new restaurant.
6
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,018
It's right around
the corner from here.
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,686
It's Scottish-Mexican fusion.
8
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,088
Scottish-Mexican fusion?
9
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,689
Scottish-Mexican fusion.
10
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,192
That would seem like two things
that do not fuse.
11
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,793
Perhaps you'll change
your mind when you try
12
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,362
their signature
haggis enchiladas.
13
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,730
(laughs) Okay.
(chuckles)
14
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,466
All right. Yeah, come on.
Lead the way.
15
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,302
I was surprised
when you called.
16
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,670
Isn't there some
universal guy rule
17
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:41,239
where you have to wait
four days to call a girl?
18
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,274
That... does not ring a bell.
19
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,609
And it's three days.
20
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,877
(laughs)
21
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,278
Here we are.
22
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,514
(bagpipes and trumpets playing
mariachi music)
23
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:52,117
Uh, I did not realize
there would be live music.
24
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,452
So, uh, should we...
25
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,620
Eat anywhere but here?
26
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,288
(laughs): Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
27
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:58,957
Besides, I'm sure
we can find a place
28
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,125
where we don't need
reservations.
29
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:01,593
Oh, you think
it's just that easy?
30
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,828
Just stroll in off the
street and get a meal?
31
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:07,766
Well, let me tell you
the tale of Gary Blauman.
32
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,300
There's the blushing bride!
33
00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,802
Oh!
34
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,103
Gary Blauman!
35
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:13,638
How are you?!
36
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,573
Uh, duh, like I need to ask.
37
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,875
You're getting married.
38
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,177
Well, don't let me keep you.
You have things to do.
39
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,913
I will see you
walking down the aisle.
40
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,550
I'll be the guy in the
eighth row going like this.
41
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,119
(laughs) Right?!
Right.
42
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,421
Good luck today!
Thank you.
43
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,055
Okay.
(chuckles)
44
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,458
Hey, there's the
blushing bride...
45
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:34,759
Code red!
46
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:38,762
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x21 ♪
Gary Blauman
Original Air Date on March 17, 2014
47
00:01:38,787 --> 00:01:43,787
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
48
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:49,774
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God,
49
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,209
oh, my God!
Why the code red?
50
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:53,344
I mean, if it's...
if it's about your hair,
51
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,447
I didn't even notice;
especially not from the back.
52
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,649
What?
Nothing.
53
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,684
Gary Blauman is here,
and I had no idea he was coming.
54
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,419
His reply card must've
gotten lost in the mail.
55
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:02,620
I mean,
where's he gonna sit?
56
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,923
It took us weeks to plan
the seating chart!
57
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,891
Robin.
58
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:08,159
Shh.
59
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,962
I got you.
Huh?
60
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,897
You're talking to
the seating chart master.
61
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,700
At my own wedding, I managed
to sit small-town Minnesotans
62
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:19,604
right next to liberal New
Yorkers with grace and aplomb.
63
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,707
Table 27 still gets together
once a year for a reunion.
64
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,176
Perhaps you've seen their photos
on Facebook.
65
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,580
Like I said...
66
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,981
(whispers):
I got you.
67
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,182
Thanks, Marshall.
68
00:02:33,886 --> 00:02:35,220
(door closes)
69
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,989
Code red!
70
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,591
Grandma's sitting
next to the band,
71
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,926
divorced couple sitting one
table away from each other,
72
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,028
no coherent
singles table.
73
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,331
This is the Robin's hair
of seating charts.
74
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,333
Singles tables are cruel.
75
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,900
I mean, what if you went
to a wedding
76
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,502
and there was a table
of all fat guys?
77
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,270
That would be awesome.
You're right, it would.
78
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,771
Let's crack this
Gary Blauman nut first,
79
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,673
and then we'll work
on the fat guy table.
80
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,842
Wait, did you say Gary Blauman?
81
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,744
Yeah. Why?
82
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:03,214
I... hate... that guy.
83
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,282
Why?
84
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:05,583
Remember a few years ago
85
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:07,585
when I read that biography
of Teddy Roosevelt?
86
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,187
For weeks after I read it,
87
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,323
I only wanted to talkabout one thing.
88
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:15,560
Teddy Roosevelt was
the coolest guy ever!
89
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:16,728
(others grumbling)
90
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,863
Oh, that's it!
No more books, Ted.
91
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,533
I don't like the person
you become when you read books.
92
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,701
Here's the deal: you
get to tell us one more
93
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,004
interesting fact
about Teddy Roosevelt.
94
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,473
One more, and then
you're done forever.
95
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:29,941
So make it a good one.
96
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,243
Okay.
97
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,846
He went blind in one eye...
98
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:37,615
from getting hit too hard
in a boxing match...
99
00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,151
...while he was president!
100
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,419
That's a pretty good one.
Wow.
101
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,487
That is kind of...
102
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:43,988
Right?! Oh, and when he was
at Harvard...
103
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,890
No! No! Shut up!
Oh, my God! Please!
104
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,992
TED: Well, one night,we were throwing a party
105
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,562
to celebrate... something--
106
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,096
I-I can't remember what--
107
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:54,065
when a pretty girlI had never met
108
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,733
noticed the bookon the coffee table.
109
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,702
I can't believe
you have this book.
110
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:58,903
I just finished
reading it.
111
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,473
Teddy Roosevelt was
the coolest guy ever.
112
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,509
A unicorn.
113
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:05,743
I couldn't believe it.
114
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,312
It was a stroke of luck on par
115
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,781
with the 50-page manuscriptin Roosevelt's breast pocket
116
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,083
that helped slow thatwould-be assassin's bullet.
117
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:12,917
Dude, come on.
118
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,519
Sorry. Anyway...
119
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:17,088
enter Gary Blauman.
120
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,624
Is that the Teddy
Roosevelt biography?
121
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,426
Coolest guy ever.
122
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,661
Right? Right?
123
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,196
Right? Right?
124
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,999
Right? Right?
Right?
125
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,435
So the three of us startedtalking Teddy Roosevelt.
126
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,370
When he took that
four-minute flight
127
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,605
on the Wright
brother's plane?
128
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,772
So cool.
129
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,641
The time he climbed
the tallest mountain
130
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,443
in Europe on
his honeymoon.
131
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,644
So cool.
132
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,212
And that's when I realized,
133
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,314
Blauman and I were lockedin a battle of wills
134
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,516
that made T.R.'s chargeup San Juan Hill
135
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,018
look like a walk in the park.
136
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,220
Or should I say,in the national park,
137
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,254
since it was Roosevelt
138
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,756
who spearheadedthe establishment...
139
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:53,758
Dude, come on. I gave you one.
140
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,661
The battle raged on.
141
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,630
In a way, he was...
142
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,700
ALL: ...the archetype
of the modern politician!
143
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:03,601
(all laugh)
144
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,203
TED:
Dude, knock it off.
145
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,938
GARY:
Knock what off, bro?
146
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,039
This is my apartment,
147
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,140
my Teddy Rooseveltconversation,
148
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,508
I get the girl.
149
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:12,977
Oh, so the fact thatyou're the incumbent means
150
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,112
she should just pick you?
151
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,147
Tell thatto William Howard Taft.
152
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,716
You're calling me Taft?
153
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,518
If anyone's Taft, you're Taft!
154
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,387
I'm not Taft! I'm Teddy!
155
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:24,422
The hell you are.My name is Ted!
156
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,659
Yeah, right. Go sign thePayne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft!
157
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,927
(gasps)How dare you?
158
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:32,797
Skinny-dipping
in the Potomac River.
159
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,298
(all laugh)
160
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:37,001
TED: And so the standoffcontinued, hours passed...
161
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,170
then days.
162
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,472
Days passed?
Days passed.
163
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:44,876
Finally, a T.R. strickenby tropical fever
164
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:48,546
on his Amazon trek,we could go no further.
165
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:51,082
When he was Assistant Secretary
of the Navy...
166
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,650
Will you just pick
one of us already
167
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,719
so I can either have sex
or go to sleep!
168
00:05:56,655 --> 00:05:58,890
Smooth, bro.
169
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,492
After that day,
I have never liked that guy.
170
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,628
So let's just tell Robin
this can't be done,
171
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,263
and send Gary Blauman packing.
172
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,731
LILY:
Did you just say
173
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,332
Gary Blauman?
174
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:09,233
Yeah.
175
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:11,602
I...
176
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,371
love that guy!
177
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,839
What?! He's the devil!
178
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,708
He's an angel.
179
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,811
It was 2006,
Marshall and I had broken up,
180
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,913
and I was back in New York
feeling vulnerable
181
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,415
and listening to
my breakup song over and over.
182
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,718
Sugar Ray's "Fly."
You know it.
183
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,586
Man, you know nothing
about breakups.
184
00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:29,954
I really don't.
185
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,523
Anyway, then I hit bottom.
186
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:33,691
There's a bottom
below Sugar Ray?
187
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,426
Mm.
188
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,361
What?!
189
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,397
Why have I never
seen that before?
190
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,565
I've been using cover-up
191
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,900
and strategically placed straps
for a long time
192
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,769
to keep this puppy quiet.
193
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:47,038
After all the times
you guys made fun of me
194
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,539
for my breakup butterfly
tattoo?
195
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,575
(Lily and Marshall snicker)
196
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,877
Oh, the fact that Ted got
a butterfly tattoo,
197
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,079
will you ever stop
being hilarious?
198
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,081
So why is it only
half a butterfly?
199
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,485
Because Gary Blauman saw me
in the tattoo parlor,
200
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,121
dragged me out
and talked some sense into me.
201
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,889
Lily, trust me,
202
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,024
you and Marshall
are going to get back together.
203
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:10,094
And when you do, you will
be so glad you did not get
204
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,763
the other half
of that butterfly.
205
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:15,933
Actually, I was gonna get a
little more than the butterfly.
206
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:21,105
It's good that I ran into you.
207
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,374
Marshall, Blauman saved you
from a lifetime
208
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,444
of looking at Sugar Ray every
time we do it on your birthday.
209
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,945
Find him a nice seat.
210
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,248
No, no, do not find him a seat.
211
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,049
I'm telling you, this guy...
You find him a nice...
212
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:33,484
Neither of uswas gonna back down,
213
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,920
so finally we decided
to take it to the groom.
214
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:36,888
(gasps)
215
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,856
Wh-What's going on?
Shh!
216
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,024
Wha...?
217
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:43,961
Who's that guy?
218
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,130
It's my ex-boyfriend.
219
00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,450
So, we're crouching
behind a van,
220
00:07:51,452 --> 00:07:53,052
hiding from
your ex-boyfriend.
221
00:07:53,354 --> 00:07:56,088
Forgive me, I'm a little bit
of a detective.
222
00:07:56,090 --> 00:07:57,723
It was a bad breakup?
223
00:07:57,725 --> 00:07:59,091
Pretty bad.
224
00:07:59,093 --> 00:08:01,059
Bad like
there was a big fight?
225
00:08:01,061 --> 00:08:03,162
Bad like there was
a big ring.
226
00:08:03,164 --> 00:08:05,297
Bad like this happened
in the past year?
227
00:08:05,299 --> 00:08:08,367
Bad like it
happened Saturday.
228
00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:10,335
So bad.
229
00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:11,603
Yeah.
230
00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:15,674
Okay, he's gone.
231
00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:19,278
I'm so sorry, Ted.
232
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,947
I really like you,
but I'm-I'm in
233
00:08:21,949 --> 00:08:24,816
the weirdest place on Earth
right now.
234
00:08:24,818 --> 00:08:26,518
You're in a Scottish-Mexican
restaurant?
235
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:27,653
(laughs)
236
00:08:27,655 --> 00:08:28,787
Yup.
237
00:08:28,789 --> 00:08:31,323
Yeah, I am.
238
00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:34,960
It's just too soon
for me to be dating.
239
00:08:34,962 --> 00:08:36,895
I think I should head home.
240
00:08:36,897 --> 00:08:40,365
Well, want me to walk with you?
241
00:08:40,367 --> 00:08:43,035
Lots of scary ex-boyfriends
in this neighborhood.
242
00:08:43,037 --> 00:08:44,870
Sure.
243
00:08:45,805 --> 00:08:47,406
I do want to hear
the rest of that story.
244
00:08:47,408 --> 00:08:49,107
Right, right the story.
245
00:08:49,109 --> 00:08:50,209
Yeah.
246
00:08:50,211 --> 00:08:53,545
So, we decided
to take it to the groom.
247
00:08:53,547 --> 00:08:55,180
Did you say Gary Blauman?
248
00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:56,348
Yeah.
249
00:08:56,350 --> 00:08:57,649
Gary Blauman?
250
00:08:57,651 --> 00:08:58,450
Yes.
251
00:08:58,452 --> 00:09:01,520
Blauman... comma, Gary?
252
00:09:01,522 --> 00:09:03,822
Point, comma,
get to the damn.
253
00:09:03,824 --> 00:09:06,658
I...
254
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:15,234
love...
255
00:09:15,236 --> 00:09:17,402
that we have the opportunity
to destroy
256
00:09:17,404 --> 00:09:20,539
Gary Blauman's weekend by
kicking him out of the wedding!
257
00:09:20,541 --> 00:09:23,909
Yes! Gary Blauman Haters' Club
right here!
258
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,744
What that guy did to me.
259
00:09:25,746 --> 00:09:28,347
Oh... God!
260
00:09:28,349 --> 00:09:29,414
It makes me
261
00:09:29,416 --> 00:09:31,583
furious to this day!
262
00:09:31,585 --> 00:09:34,019
Okay, okay, I'm gonna try
and tell this story
263
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:35,621
without completely losing it.
264
00:09:35,623 --> 00:09:37,689
Ready? Okay, here goes.
265
00:09:37,691 --> 00:09:39,224
I was at the... (growls)
266
00:09:39,926 --> 00:09:41,560
(growls)
267
00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:44,029
Nope, not gonna happen.
Give me a second.
268
00:09:44,031 --> 00:09:45,597
Ooh!
Ooh!
269
00:09:45,599 --> 00:09:47,299
I was at the bar.
270
00:09:47,301 --> 00:09:49,167
Hey, Barney!
271
00:09:49,169 --> 00:09:50,502
What's up, Blauman?
Have a seat.
272
00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:51,737
Oh, thanks.
273
00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:54,239
Your fries.
Need anything?
274
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,941
I'm good, thanks.
275
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:58,810
Oh, but he was not good, thanks.
276
00:09:58,812 --> 00:10:01,079
He was not good, thanks, at all!
277
00:10:01,081 --> 00:10:04,116
Oh, what? Did he take
one of your fries?
278
00:10:04,118 --> 00:10:05,817
Take one?
279
00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:08,420
Take one?
280
00:10:08,422 --> 00:10:10,188
Lily, it would have been
one thing
281
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:13,158
if he took one of my fries;
that would have been one thing.
282
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,861
No, Lily, that day,
283
00:10:15,863 --> 00:10:18,030
Blauman took...
284
00:10:21,467 --> 00:10:23,935
...four of my fries!
285
00:10:23,937 --> 00:10:26,271
But that's not even the capper!
286
00:10:26,273 --> 00:10:28,774
Here's the part that stillkeeps me up at night:
287
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:30,709
the fourth fry he took...
288
00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:33,245
(yells):
the fourth fry he took...
289
00:10:33,247 --> 00:10:36,114
(grunting)
290
00:10:36,116 --> 00:10:37,816
Buddy, you oka... you okay?
291
00:10:37,818 --> 00:10:40,485
(grunting)
292
00:10:40,487 --> 00:10:43,088
The fourth fry he took...
293
00:10:45,491 --> 00:10:47,759
...was an accidental curly.
294
00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:49,194
(both gasp)
295
00:10:59,906 --> 00:11:02,841
You don't take
a man's accidental curly.
296
00:11:02,843 --> 00:11:03,909
MARSHALL:
You take a man's wife
297
00:11:03,911 --> 00:11:06,478
before you take
his accidental curly.
298
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,312
LILY:
If you wanted
299
00:11:07,314 --> 00:11:09,047
curly fries so bad,
300
00:11:09,049 --> 00:11:11,483
why not just order them
in the first place?
301
00:11:11,485 --> 00:11:12,551
(laughs)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
302
00:11:12,553 --> 00:11:13,852
'Cause that's
what you want.
303
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:15,721
All curly fries.
(laughs)
304
00:11:15,723 --> 00:11:18,457
Regular cut with
a few accidental curlies.
305
00:11:18,459 --> 00:11:19,624
That's what you want.
306
00:11:19,626 --> 00:11:21,126
That's the dream.
He's right.
307
00:11:21,128 --> 00:11:23,228
That is the dream.
No!
308
00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:25,364
I refuse to look
down from the altar
309
00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:28,500
as I say my vows to
the woman of my dreams,
310
00:11:28,502 --> 00:11:31,703
and see that
damned, stupid,
311
00:11:31,705 --> 00:11:33,705
accidental-curly-
fry-stealing
312
00:11:33,707 --> 00:11:35,674
Gary Blauman!
313
00:11:35,676 --> 00:11:37,008
Did you say Gary Blauman?
314
00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:40,078
I...
315
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,747
hate...
316
00:11:41,749 --> 00:11:43,382
to disagree with Barney.
317
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,517
But I love that guy!
318
00:11:45,519 --> 00:11:48,353
I just met him earlier today.
319
00:11:48,355 --> 00:11:49,821
Oh, my gosh!
320
00:11:49,823 --> 00:11:50,922
It's you.
321
00:11:50,924 --> 00:11:52,057
Yeah.
322
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,259
You're the poet William Zabka.
323
00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:58,163
Nobody ever recognizes me
for my poetry.
324
00:11:58,165 --> 00:12:00,031
He has all six
of my collections.
325
00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:02,067
When Terry Gross interviewed me
326
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:04,302
on Fresh Air, he listened live.
327
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:07,272
Gary Blauman rules!
328
00:12:07,274 --> 00:12:08,573
Gary Blauman?
329
00:12:09,075 --> 00:12:11,743
I...
330
00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:13,745
hate...
331
00:12:14,914 --> 00:12:16,715
...that I once thought
I loved Gary Blauman.
332
00:12:16,717 --> 00:12:19,284
Ooh, this sounds good.
333
00:12:19,286 --> 00:12:21,920
Gary's the guy
that I had an affair with.
334
00:12:21,922 --> 00:12:25,690
Tom found out,
threw me out of the house.
335
00:12:25,692 --> 00:12:28,760
Now the kids are
from a broken home.
336
00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:32,297
Because of Gary Blauman,
everything that matters to me
337
00:12:32,299 --> 00:12:34,399
is gone.
338
00:12:37,303 --> 00:12:38,804
I got that beat.
339
00:12:38,806 --> 00:12:40,338
So, I was ordering
these fries...
340
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:41,840
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
341
00:12:41,842 --> 00:12:42,841
Blauman's gay?
342
00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:43,942
Well...
343
00:12:43,944 --> 00:12:45,577
then that means that night,
344
00:12:45,579 --> 00:12:49,548
the real battle
was between Blauman
345
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:51,450
and the girl.
346
00:12:51,452 --> 00:12:54,719
And the prize... was this guy.
347
00:12:54,721 --> 00:12:56,087
(all groaning)
348
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:57,489
Keep telling yourself
that, buddy.
349
00:12:57,491 --> 00:12:59,191
I don't want to see Gary Blauman
at my brother's wedding.
350
00:12:59,193 --> 00:13:00,311
Neither do I!
351
00:13:00,336 --> 00:13:01,427
I'm the brother in question!
Now, now, hold on.
352
00:13:01,428 --> 00:13:04,329
(all arguing)
353
00:13:04,331 --> 00:13:06,465
Order! Order!
354
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:09,434
Robin put this on my plate,
and so I'll make the decision.
355
00:13:09,436 --> 00:13:12,003
Now, let's take a short recess.
356
00:13:12,005 --> 00:13:12,971
Everybody out.
357
00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:14,439
Okay.
358
00:13:14,441 --> 00:13:17,342
Lily, out of court settlement.
359
00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:20,045
Drop this whole thing,
and I'll give you ten bucks.
360
00:13:20,047 --> 00:13:21,947
No.
361
00:13:24,317 --> 00:13:26,518
I can't go higher than ten.
362
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,787
(clears throat)
363
00:13:28,789 --> 00:13:32,624
I'm ready to give
my decision.
364
00:13:32,626 --> 00:13:33,725
This was a tough one.
365
00:13:33,727 --> 00:13:35,527
Lot of good points
on both sides.
366
00:13:35,529 --> 00:13:38,396
But ultimately... Blauman stays.
367
00:13:38,398 --> 00:13:39,464
Yeah.
What in the...?
368
00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:40,799
For one simple reason.
369
00:13:40,801 --> 00:13:43,935
There is a higher law
at every wedding.
370
00:13:43,937 --> 00:13:46,471
A law that trumps
all other arguments.
371
00:13:46,473 --> 00:13:49,841
When the bride asks
for something, she gets it.
372
00:13:49,843 --> 00:13:50,709
Yes.
373
00:13:50,711 --> 00:13:52,210
Wow.
ZABKA: Good point.
374
00:13:52,212 --> 00:13:53,378
He's right.
375
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,780
This fake court thing
is adjourned.
376
00:13:55,782 --> 00:13:58,717
Judged.
377
00:13:58,719 --> 00:14:00,485
Well, I guess
let's go find Blauman
378
00:14:00,487 --> 00:14:01,887
and tell him the good news.
379
00:14:01,889 --> 00:14:03,588
Yeah, about that.
Bit of a wrinkle.
380
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,924
I was just in the hallway,
ran into Blauman.
381
00:14:05,926 --> 00:14:07,859
I told him
if he didn't leave immediately,
382
00:14:07,861 --> 00:14:09,995
then Billy Zabka was gonna
crane-kick him in the face.
383
00:14:09,997 --> 00:14:11,096
What?!
384
00:14:11,098 --> 00:14:12,731
But that's not
even my move!
385
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:13,598
I...
386
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,533
We have to stop him.
387
00:14:14,535 --> 00:14:15,901
Barney!
I... (sighs)
388
00:14:15,903 --> 00:14:17,669
Come on, come on, come on.
389
00:14:17,671 --> 00:14:19,170
So, we all run out
to the parking lot
390
00:14:19,172 --> 00:14:21,740
to stop Gary Blauman from
leaving the wedding...
391
00:14:22,675 --> 00:14:24,442
What are you doing?
392
00:14:24,444 --> 00:14:25,844
This is my place.
393
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:28,480
Oh.
394
00:14:28,482 --> 00:14:29,948
So, uh...
395
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:33,151
well, I guess this...
this is where I leave you.
396
00:14:37,589 --> 00:14:39,557
This is your place.
397
00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:41,326
Yup.
398
00:14:41,328 --> 00:14:44,262
You sure it's not
a few blocks that way?
399
00:14:44,264 --> 00:14:46,664
Nope, it's right here.
400
00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:48,933
It's right
where you picked me up.
401
00:14:48,935 --> 00:14:50,601
So it is.
402
00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:55,740
Well... good night.
403
00:14:55,742 --> 00:14:56,774
Good night.
404
00:14:58,243 --> 00:14:59,978
NARRATOR: Eight years earlier,I probably would've given
405
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,546
some embarrassing speech,confessed my love
406
00:15:01,548 --> 00:15:02,780
and scared her off.
407
00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:04,282
But I didn't.
408
00:15:04,284 --> 00:15:07,251
Because somehow I just knewthis was all gonna work out.
409
00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:09,087
Ted?
Oh, thank God.
410
00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:16,627
Do you at least want
to finish your story?
411
00:15:16,629 --> 00:15:19,731
Right.
412
00:15:19,733 --> 00:15:23,034
So, we all ran out
to the parking lot, and...
413
00:15:23,036 --> 00:15:25,269
Blauman, Blauman,
I'm sorry.
414
00:15:25,271 --> 00:15:27,372
You can stay. Billy won't
kick you in the face.
415
00:15:27,374 --> 00:15:28,673
It's not even my move.
416
00:15:28,675 --> 00:15:30,675
If I was gonna do anything,
I'd sweep the leg,
417
00:15:30,677 --> 00:15:32,877
and put you in a body bag;
everyone knows that.
418
00:15:32,879 --> 00:15:35,480
What...?
Is that from one of your poems?
419
00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:37,248
Thank you for that.
420
00:15:38,217 --> 00:15:40,084
Please stick around,
for the bride.
421
00:15:40,086 --> 00:15:42,453
You're not a Taft.
Even if you are,
422
00:15:42,455 --> 00:15:44,022
Roosevelt shouldn't have
divided the party like that.
423
00:15:44,024 --> 00:15:45,656
I mean, he handed the
election to Wilson.
424
00:15:45,658 --> 00:15:47,325
Completely, right?
Right? Right?
425
00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:48,393
(laughs)
426
00:15:48,395 --> 00:15:50,395
No, wait! No! All right?
427
00:15:50,397 --> 00:15:51,629
Forget it!
428
00:15:52,498 --> 00:15:54,298
And, James, I'm sorry
429
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:55,533
about you and Tom.
430
00:15:55,535 --> 00:15:58,236
But you have to stop blaming me
for your own decisions.
431
00:15:59,138 --> 00:16:01,773
Well, guys, take a good look.
432
00:16:01,775 --> 00:16:05,209
This face you won't
be seeing again.
433
00:16:06,912 --> 00:16:09,781
Come...
434
00:16:09,783 --> 00:16:11,049
The bri... the bri...
435
00:16:11,051 --> 00:16:13,551
Gary?
436
00:16:15,154 --> 00:16:16,854
He's really leaving.
437
00:16:16,856 --> 00:16:18,156
Hey, Barney.
438
00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,825
You still, uh,
have my wedding ring?
439
00:16:20,827 --> 00:16:23,261
(quietly):
Yeah.
440
00:16:24,563 --> 00:16:26,697
I've got some work to do.
441
00:16:26,699 --> 00:16:28,933
Excuse me.
442
00:16:31,737 --> 00:16:33,104
Blauman will cool off
eventually.
443
00:16:33,106 --> 00:16:34,272
We'll see him again.
444
00:16:34,274 --> 00:16:35,139
Of course we will.
445
00:16:35,141 --> 00:16:36,407
MARSHALL:
I don't know.
446
00:16:36,409 --> 00:16:38,810
I mean, we might
really never see him again.
447
00:16:38,812 --> 00:16:41,079
Because I remember
at our wedding
448
00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:42,480
looking out and thinking,
449
00:16:42,482 --> 00:16:44,849
"Man, everyone here means
so much to me."
450
00:16:45,584 --> 00:16:46,884
A bunch of those people,
451
00:16:46,886 --> 00:16:49,320
you know,
I haven't seen them since.
452
00:16:49,322 --> 00:16:51,289
NARRATOR:
And that's how it goes, kids.
453
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:54,158
The friends, neighbors,drinking buddies
454
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,160
and partners in crimeyou love so much
455
00:16:56,162 --> 00:16:58,996
when you're young,as the years go by,
456
00:16:58,998 --> 00:17:00,865
you just lose touch.
457
00:17:03,168 --> 00:17:04,535
That being said,
458
00:17:04,537 --> 00:17:07,438
I did manage to keep trackof a few people.
459
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,608
Carl's still behind the barat MacLaren's.
460
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:12,477
Hey, watch it over there.
461
00:17:12,479 --> 00:17:13,978
Yeah, watch it over there!
462
00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:15,880
It's become a family business.
463
00:17:15,882 --> 00:17:17,748
Jeanette was arrestedfor mailing jars of urine
464
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:18,983
to Val Kilmer.
465
00:17:18,985 --> 00:17:20,118
No, not that Val Kilmer.
466
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,986
She narrowly avoidedprison time,
467
00:17:21,988 --> 00:17:25,189
but did receive mandatorypsychological counseling.
468
00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:27,959
Hello, handsome.
469
00:17:27,961 --> 00:17:31,195
I should say up front, I'm
not allowed to date my...
470
00:17:31,197 --> 00:17:32,363
Oh, what the hell.
471
00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:35,733
She and Kevin livein Poughkeepsie now.
472
00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:38,669
Ranjit made a couple reallygood stock picks, and, well,
473
00:17:38,671 --> 00:17:40,538
he owns the limo service now.
474
00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:42,540
Bitterman, get the car.
475
00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:44,242
Getting the car, sir.
476
00:17:44,244 --> 00:17:46,677
Patrice hasher own drive-time radio show.
477
00:17:46,679 --> 00:17:48,446
People call in,she gives advice.
478
00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:50,615
ROBIN (over phone): Because
sometimes I just feel like
479
00:17:50,617 --> 00:17:52,083
he never listens to me,
you know?
480
00:17:52,085 --> 00:17:54,252
Gosh, caller,
that's a real pickle.
481
00:17:54,254 --> 00:17:56,087
You know,
my grandma always says...
482
00:17:56,089 --> 00:17:58,256
ROBIN: Damn it, Patrice,
I'm not finished!
483
00:17:58,258 --> 00:18:00,525
Sorry, sorry, go on.
484
00:18:00,527 --> 00:18:02,627
William Zabka becamethe youngest poet ever
485
00:18:02,629 --> 00:18:05,530
to win the American Humanities
Medal for Literature.
486
00:18:05,532 --> 00:18:08,833
He's currently working ona collection of travel essays.
487
00:18:08,835 --> 00:18:10,401
Hyah!
488
00:18:10,403 --> 00:18:12,603
Zoey pops up in the newsevery now and then
489
00:18:12,605 --> 00:18:14,839
supporting some causeor another.
490
00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:16,641
It doesn't alwaysgo well for her.
491
00:18:16,643 --> 00:18:18,009
The hawk is a majestic creature!
492
00:18:18,011 --> 00:18:19,677
She means you no har...
(hawk screeching)
493
00:18:19,679 --> 00:18:22,280
Aah, no! I'm your friend!
I'm helping you!
494
00:18:22,282 --> 00:18:24,182
Still, it's nice knowingshe's out there
495
00:18:24,184 --> 00:18:25,750
fighting the good fight.
496
00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:27,185
Scooter's been marriedfor a while.
497
00:18:27,187 --> 00:18:28,920
Apparently, he meta girl at work,
498
00:18:28,922 --> 00:18:30,488
and it was love at first sight.
499
00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:33,391
I guess something about herhelped him get over Lily.
500
00:18:33,393 --> 00:18:35,459
You look beautiful today,
Jasmine.
501
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:37,295
Like every day.
502
00:18:37,297 --> 00:18:39,964
Move. I serve
sloppy joe now.
503
00:18:39,966 --> 00:18:42,567
Blitz struggled with a gambling
addiction for a while.
504
00:18:42,569 --> 00:18:45,603
But after a three-day benderon the same slot machine,
505
00:18:45,605 --> 00:18:46,704
he finally kicked it.
506
00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:48,906
I got to get help.
507
00:18:53,812 --> 00:18:56,714
Yes!
(whoops)
508
00:18:56,716 --> 00:18:58,549
Aw, man!
509
00:18:58,551 --> 00:19:00,651
I'm not sure what happenedto Blah Blah.
510
00:19:00,653 --> 00:19:03,020
But I'd like to thinkthat wherever she is, she...
511
00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:05,756
Carol! Her name was Carol!
512
00:19:05,758 --> 00:19:07,158
Thank you.
513
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,793
Sandy Rivers' inappropriateoffice behavior
514
00:19:08,795 --> 00:19:11,762
finally caught up with him,ending his news career...
515
00:19:11,764 --> 00:19:13,297
in America.
516
00:19:13,299 --> 00:19:15,499
(speaking Russian)
517
00:19:25,811 --> 00:19:27,411
He hasn't changed.
518
00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:30,047
It took some doing,but James finally convinced Tom
519
00:19:30,049 --> 00:19:32,049
to take him back.
520
00:19:32,051 --> 00:19:35,953
And nobody's happier about itthan their kids.
521
00:19:35,955 --> 00:19:40,524
Hey, kids, have I ever told you
how I met your father?
522
00:19:40,526 --> 00:19:42,026
It was at a party.
523
00:19:42,028 --> 00:19:44,962
And as for Blauman...
524
00:19:47,232 --> 00:19:48,766
Guys, wait!
525
00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:50,001
(car door closes)
526
00:19:50,003 --> 00:19:51,469
I'm sorry for storming off
like that.
527
00:19:51,471 --> 00:19:53,170
I don't want to miss
this wedding.
528
00:19:53,172 --> 00:19:55,306
You will be shocked, kids,
529
00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:57,308
when you discoverhow easy it is in life
530
00:19:57,310 --> 00:19:59,543
to part wayswith people forever.
531
00:19:59,545 --> 00:20:02,446
That's whywhen you find someone
532
00:20:02,448 --> 00:20:06,617
you want to keep around,you do something about it.
533
00:20:06,619 --> 00:20:09,120
So, I guess...
534
00:20:09,122 --> 00:20:10,721
good night.
535
00:20:11,957 --> 00:20:14,892
Good night.
536
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,611
Unless...
537
00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:35,713
do you want
to walk around some more?
538
00:20:35,715 --> 00:20:37,248
It's still early.
539
00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:41,185
Sure.
540
00:20:46,358 --> 00:20:48,592
What are you doing?
541
00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:53,397
Remembering this.
542
00:20:54,966 --> 00:20:56,233
Come on.
543
00:20:56,235 --> 00:21:01,235
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
38728
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