Original subtitles

Zombie attack? Never works.

They don't take orders.

Blood rain? Ew! Mess up my suit.

Heh, no, thank you.

Demon caterpillars?

Drat! There must be a perfect way

to exact vengeance on the Pines family.

It's not enough to harm 'em,

I need to take something from 'em.

Something that'll give me

ultimate power!

Wait, of course!

It's perfect.

You've gone too far

this time, Duck-tective.

Welcome to a world of mystery!

Stan Pines?

The tax collector! You found me!

Ha!

Which one of these is the trap door?

Mr. Pines, I'm from the

Winninghouse Coupon Savers Contest

and you are our big winner!

Eh?

My one and only dream,

which was to possess money,

has come true!

We're rich! I'm gonna get a butler!

I'm gonna buy a talking horse!

- Just sign here for the money.

- You bet!

Ha!

Stanford, you fool!

You just signed over

the Mystery Shack to widdle ol' me!

Ah-ha! Cha-cha.

- Little ol' me.

Uh, you might want to

take another look there.

"The Shack is hereby signed over

to... Suck a lemon, little man."

How dare you!

I am not a threat to be taken lightly.

Come here, hon, I need your arms.

I'll get you, Stanford Pines.

I'll get you all!

- Want to see what else is on TV?

- Yeah, okay.

- Yeah, all right.

- It could be fun.

My favorite part is the theme song.

Little guy to black space nine.

It's a "Pawn," that's not your color,

and stop stealing the tiny horses.

They like it better in here.

Don't you, babies?

- And checkmate!

- What?

Boo!

Oh!

Dipper wins again!

Yo, Mabel, can you pass

me that brain in the jar?

- The lady one.

- I got it.

Thanks, but Mabel's taller.

What? No, she's not.

We're the same height.

We've always been.

Better check again, dude.

Yeah. She's got exactly

one millimeter on you.

- What?

- Whoa!

Don't you see

what's happening, Dipper?

This millimeter is just the beginning.

I'm evolving into the superior sibling.

Bigger! Stronger!

Like some kind of alpha twin.

Alpha twin! Alpha twin!

Come on, guys,

nobody even uses millimeters.

It only makes you

taller than me in Canada.

You know, Dipper,

I've always wanted a little brother.

Who knew I already had one! Yeah!

I was awoken by the sound of mockery.

Where is it?

Show me the object of ridicule!

- I'm taller than Dipper.

- By one millimeter!

Hey-hey.

Don't get "short" with your sister.

Now, Grunkle Stan,

I hope you don't think "little" of him!

Yeah! And he's short!

Dude, maybe you should

lay off a tiny bit.

Ha! "Tiny!" Soos is in on it now!

No, no, I didn't mean that.

Dipper will forget.

He's got a three-two-one...

- Short term memory!

Pow! We are on fire!

Ow! Ooh. That's... Ah!

I high-five hard.

Uh! Stupid Mabel. I'm not short!

Oh, come on!

There's gotta be some way to get taller.

Let's see...

"Legends of miniature buffalo and

giant squirrels have led me to believe

"there are height-altering properties

hidden deep within the forest."

Hmm.

Oh.

Whoa!

- Huh? Oh.

Is that mountain lion tiny

or just far away in perspective?

Perspective! Perspective!

It still hurts, but less!

Whoa!

What the heck.

Smaller.

Bigger.

Too big!

I've been buying big clothes.

I'll grow into them.

Hey, guys.

Notice anything different about me?

Holy hot-sauce!

You've grown an extra millimeter!

What?

What can I say, sis? Growth spurt.

Yeah, mine happened first.

I'm gonna be taller in the end.

- It's science, Dipper.

- What?

- But, we're the same height now.

- Alpha twin! Alpha twin!

Oh, yeah?

Something tells me I've got another

growth spurt coming on right now.

Give it up, Dipper!

What happened?

You know, puberty and stuff.

It doesn't make any sense!

Just a second ago you were...

Wait a minute! This is some kind

of magicy thing, isn't it?

Was it a wizard or something?

There's a wizard in this closet,

isn't there? Isn't there?

What? No!

You're telling me

there is not a wizard in this closet?

You're telling me

that if I open this door right now...

Fine! Open it!

An invisible wizard! Really, Dipper?

- Oy, you.

- Howdy, Stanford! Listen closely.

Inside this jar, I have

1,000 cursed Egyptian super-termites.

Hand over the deed to your property

or I'll smash this jar with a bat

and they'll devour this shack

with you inside.

- Hey, what's that?

- Huh?

Oh, no! Get it off!

Hey, Soos, get in here!

I want to take pictures of this!

Y'all may have won the battle.

But mark my words, Stanford!

Your family has a weak spot,

and I'm gonna find it.

Ahhh! My hair!

Does he only respond to incantations?

Expecto Wizarium! Wizzle! Wizar...

It's not a wizard!

I grew myself

using this magic flashlight!

Let me see that thing!

I'll be back for you later!

Huh?

- Aah!

- It's okay. It can shrink things, too.

- Normal-hand-karate-chop!

- Hey!

Whoa!

Hey, give it back!

Never!

Curse the Pines family!

Curse Stan! Curse Dipper! Curse...

My, my, what delightful manner

of doohickery is this?

Maybe he didn't see us use it

and doesn't know it's a magic flashlight

that can grow and shrink things.

- Really?

- Click. Boop.

No, no, no!

Friends, I wish I was a highway

so I could have the honor

of being rode upon by automobiles

as fine as these ones right ch'er.

Engine possum at no extra charge.

I want that there car!

Say there, son, what's in the jar?

That's my widdle secret!

Aw!

Mouth-breathing fools.

Mother.

You two.

What are you going to do with us?

Why, Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair

on your itty bitty head.

If you agree to be my queen!

We live in a democracy. And never!

Maybe you'll

change your mind after this.

No! I will fight you until the day I...

Gummy Koalas!

As for you, boy,

tell me, how exactly did you

come upon this magic item, hmm?

Did somebody tell you about it?

Did you read about it somewhere?

- Lean closer and I'll tell you.

- Well, don't mind if I...

- Aah!

I could squash you right now!

Steel yourself, Gideon.

You can use them.

You can use them.

Soos, this maze of mirrors is your

best idea that I'm taking credit for yet!

We're gonna make a fortune!

- Have my ears always been this big?

I'm comin'!

One day.

Stanford Pines.

Listen to me very closely,

I have your niece and nephew.

Hand over the deed

to the Mystery Shack right now

or great harm will befall them!

- This is Gideon, by the way.

Oh, yeah.

This has gotta be your worst plot yet.

They're fine.

I saw them playing

in the yard minutes ago.

I have them in my possession!

You don't believe me?

I will text you a photo.

"Text" me a "photo"?

Now you're not even speaking English.

But...

Hello? Hello!

Ahhh!

What am I doing? I don't need ransom.

I have this! I'll shrink Stan

and take the Shack for myself!

Y'all will be helpless to stop me!

And if any of you

step out of line, smash!

Gideon, the ice cream

truck is here!

Oh. Coming!

Guard them, Cheekums. I'm coming!

We got to get out of here and save Stan.

I know! I will see you later.

Okay, how are we going to do this?

Gideon's got magic

and like a zillion inches on us.

On the bright side, at least we're finally

the same height again.

Actually...

You're still taller?

Argh! How did this happen?

I guess it's another mystery.

Just another reason

we gotta get that flashlight back.

Cheekums, to freedom!

To freedom!

Aw! You're just a big ol' dummy-dum!

I have a plan.

Clean me!

Father, could you give widdle ol' me

a wide to the Mystery Shack?

Oh, I'd love to, sugar-pie,

but I have a heck

of a lot of cars to sell, I do.

No, no! Don't tickle me! No!

Never! Never tickle me!

What have I told you? What have I...

Look at me. What have I told you?

Tickling is no laughing matter.

- There we go.

- Do you still need a ride?

I'll just take the bus!

Hiyah!

Precious memories.

Just keep vacuuming.

Come on!

We need to get higher.

Yeah, especially you

because you're short.

Mabel! Up there.

What cute little thing are you off to,

you cute little cutey-face?

I'm going to annihilate

my archenemy's entire family!

Oh. Okay!

Yay!

He's heading to shrink Stan!

Oh, flying discount dollar,

if only you could fly us back

to the Mystery Shack.

Maybe it can.

My sky-high prices!

Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Down there!

Yay!

Whoo!

To the Mystery Shack!

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Oh! Yeah!

We're just in time.

- But how are we going to stop him?

Shoo! Ah!

Leave that to Mabel!

I'm coming for you, Stanford. Ow!

I'm sorry, gummy friend!

It's for the greater good.

Ow! One of those

infernal Gummy Koalas

has gotten into my perfect hair!

I can't defeat Stan looking like this!

Whoo! Whoo-ee!

Quick. Get in front and I'll re-grow you.

Okay. Wait, you're gonna grow

us back to equal height, right?

Dipper! That doesn't matter right now!

Well, if it doesn't matter

then why don't you just do it?

Argh! Why are you acting so weird?

Why can't you just accept

that I'm a little bit taller than you?

Oh, I'm acting weird?

You're the one

who keeps calling me names and stuff!

- Oh, what? You mean like Little...

- Don't say it!

Little Dipper.

- Ah!

I dare say you would've defeated me,

if it wasn't for your sibling bickering.

The Shack is mine, Stanford Pines!

No!

Well, well, Stanford, it appears

I've finally gotten the best of...

Huh?

What!

All right,

something's definitely different here.

Whoa!

Tell me where Stan is!

Never! You'll never find Stan.

On the second door

to the left down the hall.

Wait, why did I say that?

Stanford, I'm coming for ya!

I guess I kind of Soosed that one up,

didn't I?

It's not your fault, Soos.

I'm the guy who put together

that shrinking device.

I guess it's just...

You kept teasing me, Mabel.

Like, all day. What was that all about?

I guess it's that,

you're better at me at, like, everything.

And you always rub it in my face.

Chess, checkers, ping pong.

I guess I finally felt like I was winning

at something for once.

Oh, man, now I feel like a big jerk.

Don't you mean a little jerk?

- Oh.

All right, I walked into that one.

Are we cool?

- We're cool.

- Am I cool?

- You're cool, Soos.

- Yes!

Stanford!

Oh, hi, Gideon!

I've been looking for someone

to try out my new mirror maze.

Then again, you're an idiot.

That's the end of the sentence.

You come back here!

Try and find me, twerp.

Let's get that flashlight

before Gideon gets Stan.

There it is!

Whoa! His hair's so shiny.

No! Don't look directly at it!

This neck is really squishy.

Look! I'm making fat angels!

Ew! Termites!

Tell my story!

Oh.

Hey, there you are!

Thought you could get away

from me, eh, corn chip?

Eh!

Ah!

Ahhh!

No!

Hey, watch the merchandise!

You little troll!

These mirrors cost me 10...

I mean, 25... Five hun...

$500 each.

And you're paying for all of 'em!

Au contraire, it will be you who pays!

Grunkle Stan is doomed!

Not completely doomed! To his armpit!

- Uh-uh.

- Just, come on!

Whoa! What is that thing?

Finally, after all these years,

after every humiliation!

Your business, your family,

everything will finally be mine!

You have no one to protect you now!

Prepare for the wrath of Gideon Glee...

Gideon Glee...

Uh. I don't even know

how to respond to this.

No! Stop it!

Look, kid.

I think this rivalry thing is getting to you.

Ha. I understand, I mean,

I'm a formidable foe, what can I say.

No!

Hey, now, come on.

You'll get me one of these days.

Maybe, you know, run your evil plan

by some friends next time, huh?

Workshop it.

But first get your issues in order there.

Up, up. Over the carpet, there we go,

around the end table and out the door.

Whoa!

My light!

You're the light of my life, too, pal.

Whoo!

Freak show.

- After you.

- It's okay, you can go first if you want...

Hey, you let me keep

my extra millimeter!

You earned it.

- Aw, thanks, "Little brother."

- Stop it.

Guess we should destroy this thing.

You know, so it doesn't fall

into the wrong hands and junk.

Seems like the smart thing to do.

Die! Die!

There you dudes are!

I've been trying to get your attention!

- Glue.

- Lots of glue.

Oh, son, don't you mind

that Stanford Pines.

You'll get your revenge

one of these days.

No! It's not just about revenge!

I want that shack. The physical building.

But why?

Because it holds a secret

you couldn't possibly imagine.

Uh, sweetie, you want some ice cream?

Did you pick out all the nuts?

Mmm-hmm.

Little more?

That's good.

Mr. Pines, I'm from the Winninghouse

Coupon Savers Contest

and you are our big winner!

I guess we'll have to give the prize

to our runner-up winner.

"Fiddleford H. McGucket."

How would you like $10,000,000?

It's my dream come true!

Cross this town off our list.