Original subtitles

"In summary, while this book may be about

"a forgotten Founding Father,

it is a story that is truly unforgettable."

Chills.

That was my line.

So, he negotiated the surrender of Fort Ticonderoga?

Allowing us to keep our horses.

Which you later ate.

So thank God we had those horses, is what I'm hearing.

TERRY: And a couple weeks later he got dysentery and died?

He just doesn't seem like

a "room where it happened" kind of guy.

Oh, but that's all you hear about.

But what about the guys who weren't in the room

where it happened, but were in the building?

Well...

Or, like, down the street.

That works.

TERRY: So, you're proposing a book

about a regular guy who was near some things

and then crapped himself to death?

Too late to throw that on his tombstone? (chuckling)

Feels like you're kind of missing some of the nuance.

The book argues that this country was built

by regular people.

It took all kinds.

Important white guys, mediocre white guys...

TERRY: Right.

Okay.

Well, let me discuss this internally with my team

and we'll get back to you.

Okay. Thanks for your time.

(sighs) Did you all hear that?

Yeah. Yeah, we did.

An entire team is discussing Isaac Higgintoot.

That sounds very promising!

♪ ♪

SAMANTHA: Oh, Alberta,

I got your magazine.

No pictures of Jason Momoa,

but there is a picture of The Rock

putting out his garbage cans.

Mm, if I put my thumb over his face

I can pretend.

Did you get anything interesting to smell?

Ah, not really.

Although, look at these melons. Beautiful, huh?

What? ALBERTA: Go on.

Make a disgusting comment about Sam's melons

so we can all move on with our day. SAMANTHA: Oh, my God.

I teed myself up, didn't I?

I wasn't gonna say anything!

I appreciate that, Trevor.

Okay, I will put this in your room

and I will leave it open to the right page.

ALBERTA: Okay, The Rock, let's see what you got.

What the hell was that? What?

You were given an opening to say something crude

about Samantha's figure and you choked?

I mean, the possibilities were literally endless.

"Boy, I'd like to get my hands on those melons."

"Can I honey-dew you?"

"Let me tap on those things to see if they're ripe."

That's just to name a few.

I just thought, you know,

since you and I are hooking up, I-- You thought wrong.

We must maintain appearances.

If the others notice you acting differently,

it could arouse suspicion.

We might be found out.

So, you want me to hit on Sam?

Your great-great-great grandniece?

Precisely.

But don't be too gross about it.

You're asking me to walk a very fine line here. (exhales)

I'm-I'm sorry. Just-just a minute.

Sam, Jay's floundering at the front desk.

Just bear with me.

Our assistant just recently left.

When he was driven screaming from the premises by ghosts.

(laughing) We have fun.

Sweetie, do you need a little help out here? Mm-hmm.

(gasps) Isabel?

Oh my God, Samantha.

(both chuckling)

Isabel and I went to journalism school together.

A blast from the past. This is good clean fun.

I didn't recognize your last name on the reservation.

Ah. I got married.

Oh. He's actually coming tomorrow.

I just have this big assignment

and I need some quiet time to knock it out tonight.

I know how that is. Trust me, I get it.

But aren't you working at this bed-and-breakfast now?

Oof, did not love the tone on that.

Yeah, Jay and I own and operate this bed-and-breakfast, sure.

Yeah, which Sippr magazine called

"an underrated gem."

"That you should visit quick before it goes out of business,"

I believe that was the rest of the quote.

But I am very much still in the journalism game.

I actually had some pieces published recently

in the Ulster County Review. (hisses)

Wait, I think I read about this on Facebook.

You, um, got in trouble for making something up

about a Native American tree?

I had an unreliable source.

Kind of thought we put this to bed.

Uh, well, we're very happy you're staying with us.

And we'll have to have dinner while you're here.

Oh, I would love that.

If I can make some progress on this article.

Otherwise, it is room service for me.

Which I guess you'll be bringing,

so we can say hi then.

Fun! Yay.

♪ ♪

WOMAN (on TV): There's something you need to know, Gavin.

The baby is not yours.

What? Oh, my God.

GAVIN (on TV): Well, whose baby is it?

WOMAN: You're not gonna believe this, but...

THORFINN: That's it?

But they did not tell us whose baby it is.

It's called a cliff-hanger, Thor.

Why they make us wait for answer?

Would like to throw TV writer off cliff.

(shouts) (TV buzzing)

(grunts, laughs) ALBERTA: Well...

I guess we're all done watching TV now.

Fun hang, psychopath.

Thor, we need to talk.

If we're gonna date,

I think you need to work on your anger.

(chuckling): I mean, I'm a hippie, man.

I need good vibes.

So, you're saying it's...

entire future of relationship dependent on

Thor controlling anger?

I mean, that's pretty intense, but yeah.

I guess I'm saying that.

(chuckles) But anger...

large part of Thor personality.

Okay, well, if it's asking too much,

then I-- What? No! (chuckles)

Thor can change. Thor not need to be angry.

No worries.

Where do we land on brutal acts of violence?

Is this also considered part of anger?

Obviously.

(chuckles) Right. Same page.

Cool.

Here's that room service burger for Isabel. Oh, great.

I'll drop it off to her when I'm finished folding the laundry,

which she brought along because she's "so busy with work."

I hate a busy brag.

It sounds like a complaint, but you know it's a brag.

(phone chimes)

Oh, wonderful timing.

It's official, they're passing on Isaac's book.

Oh, I'm sorry, babe. (exhales)

And poor Isaac. He's gonna be crushed.

This was the last publisher

that would even take a meeting about it.

How am I gonna tell him?

Just rip the Band-Aid off. Get it over with.

Also, I read one of Isabel's articles.

It sucked. SAMANTHA: Thank you, Jay.

JAY: And is it me, or is her face kind of stupid?

SAMANTHA: Too far, but yes, kind of.

Isaac, can we talk?

I just heard back about the book.

You did? So-so quickly?

That's a good sign, right?

Oh, my God.

I'm clearly a nervous wreck right now.

(chuckles) So I just need to calm down.

It's just that this is my legacy, Samantha.

I'll either be relegated to the trash heap of history,

or see all of my dreams come true.

So, which is it?

♪ ♪

They want to publish it!

They do? Oh, my God!

Why didn't you lead with that, woman?

I don't know! NIGEL: Isaac...

This is incredible. (laughing)

Huzzah!

Isaac's book is getting published.

Seriously? It seemed like they hated it.

Well, apparently, hate it they did not.

In fact, they're making

a major investment in my life story,

to the tune of an initial print run

of one million copies.

Oh, wow. Oh.

Right, Sam?

(chuckling): Uh-huh. That is what I said.

ISAAC: Now, I know some of you are probably worried

about how this might change things.

But worry not.

You may be long forgotten by the world,

but you are now friends with someone who isn't.

I mean, he was tough to be around before,

but this is unbearable.

ISAAC: I can't take all the credit.

Samantha did type down my brilliant words,

and it will be her face in the little author's picture.

So that's cool.

You know what you should wear in that photo?

A bikini.

Gross, Trevor.

Agreed.

But what can one expect

from an untethered bachelor,

who's just out there hitting on anything that moves?

SASAPPIS: So this is big for you, Sam.

Your first book.

How are your friends reacting to the news?

Oh, I-I haven't actually told anyone yet.

ALBERTA: Sam?

You should be blasting this

all over that Facebook thing.

Yeah, that's not really my style.

SASAPPIS: You posted multiple times

about the banana bread you made last week.

Yeah, it's just that this feels a little braggy

to post about. (chuckles)

What feels braggy to post about?

The book... of mine that is being published.

The one about Isaac.

Remember?

Are there ghosts in here right now? SAMANTHA: Yeah.

There-there certainly are.

And we're all celebrating this big accomplishment,

about which Isaac is very excited.

As he should be!

Woo-hoo! Ha-ha! Congrats to you both.

Thank you.

Pete, just the man I am looking for.

I'm having situation with Flower for which

you are the only answer.

Okay, once again, I'm not gonna be your third,

even if it means just watching.

But how can I help you otherwise?

Flower not like it how sometimes I get angry,

and I figured you could help since

you hardly ever get angry.

Well, I do have a bit of a system

honed over decades of dealing with

irate travel agency clients.

I call it my patented "Take It" method.

Take it? Yeah, you know,

when someone misses their connecting flight through Miami,

through no fault of your own,

and they want to lay into you, you let 'em.

You just take it.

You teach me?

Well, it won't be easy,

but if you follow my lead...

You can make me doormat?

I'll try my darndest. Yes!

SAMANTHA: Okay, we're outside the ghost boundary,

so we can talk safely.

What were you thinking, Sam?

What happened to ripping the Band-Aid off?

He just started going on and on about his legacy,

and how much was riding on the book getting published,

and I couldn't do it.

So, you lied to him? He's gonna find out.

But that's the thing. Maybe he won't.

I mean, he's a ghost.

Babe... At most,

we'll have to print some fake book copies

in a couple of years.

Maybe write up some bogus reviews.

Photoshop me into a book signing at a Barnes Noble.

Do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth?

Can't we just let him have this?

It's victimless.

Isaac will be happy and nobody gets hurt.

We're on a slippery slope here,

but I guess if things go south,

you're the only one who's gonna hear about it.

Thank you.

Well, now that we're out of the house,

I could really go for a half-caff frappé.

Want to hit Starbucks?

Oh, yeah, no, that Starbucks is actually built on the site

of a former hospital for the criminally insane.

I can't go anywhere near it. It's a hellscape.

Daisy's Coffee it is.

Flower, thank you for joining us. Happy to be here.

So, what are we doing?

Well, I've been working with Thor

to help him manage his anger.

And now it's time to put that to the test,

with a couple of ghosts who know exactly what buttons to push

to make Thor angry.

This seems dangerous.

No, Flower, it's okay.

Thor learned from expert Pete how to "Take It."

Sass, you're up first.

Hey, buddy, how's it going?

You know, I was just thinking about how,

in the latest episode

of It's Getting Hot In Here, Kevin B. got it on

with Heidi in the heat suite.

(chuckling): That was crazy, right?

You... (chuckles softly)

watched latest episode without Thor?

Oh, right, I was supposed to watch that with you, wasn't I?

You got this, big guy. Take it.

Thor just...

happy for Sass enjoying show. (chuckles)

Hmm.

Let's talk about cod.

Oh, boy.

It's a very bland fish.

Probably the worst of all the fish.

That is... perfectly reasonable opinion.

And what's the deal with them little girl braids

in your beard?

Did your friends do that for you at a sleepover?

Each braid represent...

brother I lose in battle.

Well, they look stupid.

(forced laughter)

Hmm.

Well. (chuckles) There you have it.

Where once stood a man who would lash out in anger,

now stands a proud man who sits there and takes it. Hmm.

Wow.

SOREN (Danish accent): Hello?

(door closes)

Is anyone here? Who is this?

Fun accent. JAY: Hi.

Can I help you?

Yes, I am Soren, husband of Isabel.

Very happy to be here in your beautiful home.

Oh, thank you. I'm Jay.

I'm one of the proprietors. Soren, where are you from?

Oh, well, we live in New York, but originally from Copenhagen.

Copenhagen.

You're Danish. That's cool.

(growls, chuckles)

Well, here. Let me take that.

Let me show you to your room.

(groans softly)

Just to be clear, there's now a giant

Danish guy spending the night?

Oh, this should be interesting.

The ultimate challenge.

ISABEL: Well, I think you got out of journalism

at such a great time, Sam.

It's so much about clicks and views these days.

And who's been nominated for a Peabody,

which I was fortunate enough to be two years ago, so...

Yeah, that sounds like a-- ooh-- a nightmare.

ISABEL: Yeah, it's tough, tough to...

manage the pressure to stay on top.

You know who likes to be on top?

This guy.

Of Samantha that is. What is wrong with you?

Soren, tell me about Denmark. SOREN: Oh.

Denmark is beautiful.

I've never been. We went to Norway once. Mm-hmm.

Thor from Norway.

Mm, Norway sucks.

Yeah, if you've seen one fjord you've seen them all.

We Danes like to say, "Drop the R.

It's not Norway, it's no way." (Isabel chuckles)

Easy, big fella.

Yeah, the Danes are better than the Norse in every way.

Well...

Norway does excel at one thing though--

losing to Denmark!

You shut up. You shut your mouth!

If I was alive, I'd cut your head off and drink your blood!

(laughs)

Damn it.

Oh. ISABEL: Oh, my God, Sam,

you're having a book published?

What's that?

ISABEL: You posted on Facebook.

That's incredible.

Surprise! (giggles)

We knew you were too proud to brag on yourself,

so we had Trev go on your computer and do it for you.

The Other Founding Father: The Isaac Higgintoot Story.

I've never heard of him.

That's a problem the next generation of

American school children won't suffer from.

Why didn't you tell me you were having a book published?

I-I just didn't want to make a big deal about it. (chuckles)

Other than posting it, uh, publicly, on social media.

JAY: Sam, this has gone too far.

Again, I didn't post it. The ghosts did.

Which, yes, is a complication.

But it's also kind of nice.

They thought I was being too modest

about my accomplishment.

What accomplishment?!

I just meant as far as they know, Jay.

Look, I obviously

don't want this... (phone chimes)

Oh, that's so sweet!

What?

My cousin Tina congratulated me on the book sale.

She's had a really hard year,

so for her to reach out about my success,

I mean, it means a lot. Oh, my God.

You're enjoying this.

No, no. No, this is about Isaac,

and about making sure that his feelings don't get hurt.

Uh-huh... As little as I want to do it,

we have to just stick to this lie. (phone chimes)

Aw, Mrs. Neugebauer just commented.

My high school English teacher. (gasps)

She was the one who told me that I had a gift.

So this must be, like, pretty validating for her.

(groans) This is bad.

Hoo-hoo, this is real bad.

"This is all thanks to you, Mrs. N."

It's okay, buddy. Rome wasn't built in a day.

You know, it took me years to completely lose my backbone.

You'll get there.

Hey, Thor, can we talk?

(sighs)

Thor understand if Flower no longer wants to date.

Thor thought he could control his anger,

but ultimate test of Dane in house proved

too much to overcome.

Yeah, about that... I think you should just be yourself.

It wasn't fair of me to ask you to change who you are.

Really?

Maybe two people shouldn't be exactly the same.

Maybe it's good that we're opposites.

Also, watching you sit there and act like Pete,

was a real turn-off.

Okay, not too long ago,

you two were begging me to be your third.

And when you got angry at that Dane...

I kind of liked it.

So... (exhales)

you no longer want Thor to be like Pete?

I really, really, really don't.

I should be mad, but I'm gonna "Take It."

I mean, I've never even had a book published.

Well, keep banging away,

and one day it could happen to you, too.

Wow, the tables have turned.

She is so jealous of you, Sam.

Oh, that is our lot in life.

To be admired is to be envied.

You know, I had a book written about me, too.

SASAPPIS: Really?

We're bragging about Creepy Todd's

self-published book now? Still a book.

Still published. I'm grasping, Sass!

So, who is the publisher, Sam?

Oh, the publisher?

It's Gold Diamond Press.

(chuckling): How could you forget

the good people who have made our dreams come true?

Uh, Gold Diamond Press. ISABEL: Seriously?

We just went to Terry Stoddard's wedding.

You must know him.

(quietly): Oh, God. Terry...

ISABEL: Mm-hmm. Terry...

That was the man we pitched to. Surely you recall.

I'm gonna text him. What a small world. (chuckles)

Oh, no, they're actually trying to keep

this project under wraps.

But you just posted about it on the Facebook.

You know what? I'm gonna call him, actually.

Uh, at this hour?

It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

Yes, exactly.

The man has just had lunch, and he's got those enzymes going.

You're not gonna get the best Terry if you call now.

And I don't want anybody to make a fuss over me.

They only do like three books a year.

They should make a fuss. Trust me.

He'll be thrilled to hear from us.

What the hell, Jay?

Don't we all spend too much time on our phones?

(chuckling): I mean, can't we just be present?

Okay, what's going on?

They're not publishing the book.

What?! What?

I made it up.

No one bought the book. It's not happening.

Why did you post about it then? ISAAC: Yes.

Samantha, care to explain yourself?

I messed up. I'm sorry.

I... (clears throat)

...can't believe this.

Isaac, wait!

For another day till your story is told,

because I am not giving up! Good save, Sam.

Totally agree with you on the phone thing, by the way.

I'm always telling her that.

Can we talk?

I want to explain. Hard to believe

there's an explanation for that level of betrayal.

At first, I lied because I felt bad for you.

You just seemed like you really needed the win

to feel important or something.

And then, later, as I kept up the lie with Isabel,

I realized that I needed the same thing.

You needed to feel... important?

Yes.

I mean, I'm very happy with my life,

but some people just bring out the worst in you.

And I didn't want to let her win.

♪ ♪

You know, Samantha, I'm not sure if you're aware of this,

but I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about Hamilton.

I did sense something.

Now, I know what you're going to say.

"You're both equally accomplished.

Neither of you is necessarily winning."

But he does get a lot of acclaim.

My point is,

is that it seems Isabel is your Hamilton.

And while that doesn't excuse your actions...

(sighs deeply) I do understand.

Isaac, you don't need to have a book written about you

to be a significant person.

You fought in the Revolutionary War.

You invented the sniper rifle.

And killed a British officer with it from a hundred paces.

And then you got that guy to date you after that.

That is pretty impressive. And more importantly,

you're a good person and a good friend,

and everyone in this house knows that.

So, who cares if history knows your name?

Because the people who matter know who you are.

Yes! And we know who you are, Samantha.

You don't need your name on a book jacket

to prove anything to anyone.

(chuckles) You know what? You're right.

I-I did lose sight of that today,

but I will not forget that lesson.

We do not need external validation

to pump ourselves up. Exactly.

Because we are enough.

Mm-hmm. (phone chimes)

♪ ♪

(gasps) It's the publisher. What?

They now actually do want to buy the book.

Really? Yes!

They-they saw the post on Facebook and they think

someone else wants the book and now they want it.

(gasps) Sweet, sweet external validation.

We're somebody again! (gasps)

I'm gonna post it on Instagram

and then "accidentally" tag Isabel. (chuckles)

ISAAC: I'm going to live forever.

But in a fun way now!

You did well today.

I think you've redeemed yourself as a well-known pervert.

Thank you. That's very nice of you to say.

Look, I know this is all a little crazy,

but you must trust me when I say it's best

for both of us that this remain clandestine.

You're right. You and me?

People would go nuts.

So... we are in agreement.

No one can ever find out.

If that makes it hotter for you... (moans softly)

(gasps) Oh! ...I'm on board.

And this completes your tour of the basement...

Oh, my God!

It's not what you think.

Quick. Say something sexual about Samantha.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org