Original subtitles

The weather here in New Zealand is schizophrenic.

30 degrees today, could be 10 tomorrow.

We're a country known for its tranquility, its sheep,

its hobbit on hobbit violence.

But here in Christchurch, we're known for its Gothic architecture,

large green parks and creepy old men exposing themselves at playgrounds.

Some years we voted the friendliest city in the world.

By who? I have no idea.

Probably not those kids in those playgrounds,

and certainly not anybody I've met.

I grew up here in Christchurch, and I love calling it my home.

Right now I'd kill for a beer and some earcon.

Classic Angela, she always sings in the shower after her run.

I think she'd like a bigger house, just for the acoustics.

This guy again. If an orphanage burned down, nobody would hear about it.

All the media wants to talk about is the Christchurch carver.

Four women dead over the last two years that they know of,

and the police are scratching their heads.

Hey, little fluffy.

What's that?

Who the fuck are you?

Oh yeah, I should probably say, this isn't my house.

Well, that wasn't pleasant.

I met Angela at the supermarket when she smiled at me.

Turned out she was smiling at somebody behind me.

But by then I was already hooked.

She was married, but that's not something to shy away from.

It just means learning two people's routines.

Sure, it's an extra effort,

but if you're not 100% committed to a relationship, then what's the point?

Often there can be a gap between the fantasy and the reality.

And even though Angela lived up to the fantasy,

things haven't played out how I wanted.

And I know the disappointments of today will stay with me for a long time.

Even so, I'm not going to let that stop me from trying again.

Everybody deserves to find romance.

[Sighs]

Hey Jova, hey Pickle, you miss me?

I must seem like a god to them.

When they eat, what their view is, if they live or die.

People forget goldfish can live up to 40 years,

but I'm going to get 50 out of my guys.

[Phone rings]

The person you have dialed is not available.

Please leave a message.

Jo, it's your mother.

Where are you?

You said you'd be here for dinner.

Jo, it's your mother.

Jo, it's your mother!

You're not here again.

When are you going to get yourself a cell phone?

I made you that meatloaf you love so much.

Come on, hurry up.

Everyone is fascinated by me, trying to figure me out.

Police, media, podcasters, psychics.

Every week there's another profile.

I'm doing this for that reason, I'm doing that for this reason.

The person you have dialed is not available.

Please leave a message.

Jo, it's your mother.

If you don't call me, I'm calling the hospital.

Truth is, I'm just a regular guy, an average Jo, with a hobby.

I'm not a psychopath.

I don't hear voices.

I don't kill for God or Satan or the neighbour's dog.

I kill for me.

It's that simple.

I like women, and I like to do things to them that they won't let me do.

People always complain the planet has too many people living on it.

Eight billion of us fighting for resources, and half a woman.

So when you think about it, by picking off a couple of them every year,

I'm actually doing the world a favour.

Romance tastes sweeter when it's shorter.

No tears, no late night phone calls, just ships passing in the night.

But sometimes in a relationship, you have to do things you don't want to do.

Angela, please don't make me hurt your cat.

This is your last chance.

People like her think people like me have no morals.

But I love cats.

If Angela had just come out of the bathroom like I asked,

then Fluffy could have watched from the windowsill rather than from cat heaven.

Joe, it's about time.

Sorry I'm late, Mum.

I nearly called the hospitals.

I got busy with work.

Too busy to call your mother.

Too busy to leave me wondering if my only son is dead.

I have every mind not to let you in.

I have every mind to thank her if she doesn't.

Sorry, Mum.

Got you this.

Ah, fuck.

Who gives their mother a rose with thorns?

A bad son, obviously.

Maybe this will make up for it.

Not much of a present if you've already opened it.

I had one earlier.

Hey boss, we found another victim in the car outside.

Is it a cover?

Yeah, it's looking like it.

What do we know about this one?

Martha Harris, 67, lives alone, car's registered in her name.

Is that a gunshot wound?

As far as I can tell.

Great, so that guy has a gun now.

Your father would be rolling in his grave if he knew you treated me like this.

That would be a neat trick since he was cremated.

No need to be so sarcastical.

Sorry, Mum.

Here, these are on sale, so I got you one.

I'm fine.

I was trying to do something nice.

Thanks, Mum.

Just leave me a couple of dollars before you leave.

It's cold, you put yours in the oven.

I wasn't the one who was late.

Late? The late Mrs Middleton does have a nice ring to it.

It's meatloaf, it's your favourite.

Even the fly doesn't want it.

Well, how is it?

It's cold, it's dry, it's overcooked.

Same as always, Mum.

When are you going to get a cell phone?

I worry when I can't get hold of you.

They can track you on those things, where you go, what you do.

Who's they?

The government, cell phone companies, the police.

Why would the government care about when I go to the supermarket?

Maybe they're keen to know what's on special.

I bought a new jigsaw today, down from $30 to $12.

That's great, Mum.

A grisly discovery of two bodies in a peaceful residential neighbourhood tonight

has residents concerned that Christchurch Carver might be responsible for the tragedy.

Crime scene tape surrounds the property where the bodies of two women were found,

but police are refusing to share any further details.

At this stage, it's unclear if there's a connection between the women

or even whether they were killed by the same person or people.

It is also unknown whether an apple core, the Carver's infamous signature, was found at the scene.

But if this is the work of the Carver, it would bring the number of his victims to six.

Actually, you're short.

Katrina Shepard, my fourth kill.

The one they never found, or even looked for.

She's probably a skeleton by now, rotting away in that boot.

Oh, the news. It's always so bad.

When are you going to meet someone, Joe?

I'm looking.

At men?

Told you already, Mum, I'm not gay.

Are you sure?

I'd be the first to know.

Just...

make sure, before you commit to a nice young woman.

Otherwise it wouldn't be fair.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Day one in a world without Angela.

Over time I've found the experience from my relationship sustained me for at least several months.

A good thing, too. Otherwise the world really might run out of women.

Like them.

You're cute.

You're cute, too.

And other times I would start to get to know them better.

But it's too soon.

Hang on.

Where did you come from?

Wow, you're beautiful.

Look at that smile.

You could light up a room.

And the way you move, with such grace.

Well now, maybe it's not too soon after all.

Hm. A definite maybe.

God, I love window shopping.

Hey, Jip.

Officer Sam.

These days the police stationers hustling and bustling with stressed out and anxious detectives.

The day of and following a homicide is when that hustling and bustling are at their greatest.

After all my kills, they still have nothing.

I actually feel bad for them in some ways.

I started working here after I killed a guy by the name of Dan.

Or maybe it was Don.

When the Christchurch Carver investigation was beginning,

and I was spending every minute wondering if the police would break down my door,

I was freaking out.

I had to know what was going on.

So after I made Dan Don the cleaner disappear, I applied for his job.

Now I'm the invisible man who goes where he wants with his broom and mop,

who has every piece of information about the Christchurch Carver at his fingertips.

Okay, listen up.

The cause of death was a single gunshot wound to the abdomen.

We were here later this morning from ballistics.

Detective Inspector Carl Schroeder, leading the task force.

If I told him he could find that ballistics match in my briefcase, he wouldn't believe me.

Martha Harris was at Stonefield Cemetery visiting her husband's grave.

And now she can join him.

Now I'm thinking our guy must have carjacked her.

Close. She caught me stealing it after I'd gone there to visit my dad.

Anything else? We got anything else, guys?

Keys were in with the car. So he must have taken them or dumped them.

Yeah, family said they were on a key ring with a Celtic design.

Unless you're stuffing mum into her red bin, you're not going to find those keys, Robert.

The coroner confirmed Angela's cause of death is she choked on the airport.

They also confirmed she wasn't raped.

I'm not a monster.

Forensics, what have we got?

It's cool seeing them piece it together, all my work, and they don't even notice I'm here.

Hey, Jo, catch.

You can't make people treat you that way.

The Sally. When she isn't trying to get me into bed,

she roams the halls here changing light bulbs, thanking Jesus for the opportunity.

Detective Travis was just joking.

It's not funny to pick on people, Jo.

It is when I do it.

And you might think he's a friend, but he's not.

It's not right.

That is one cross Jesus refused to get nailed to.

He was willing to die for our sins, but not willing to hang out between the Sally stits 24/7.

I'm fine, Sally, really. Really, I'm fine.

Ham, cheese and relish.

Her sandwiches are the highlight of my day,

and making them for me is probably the highlight of hers.

Thanks, Sally.

If you like, we could have lunch by the river today.

It's a lovely day.

I have a date with a florist.

I can't, Sally, I've got a lot to do.

Another time.

[Music]

I spent four months with Angela figuring out if she was my type.

We grew closer together over that time,

and I loved every moment of it.

They don't always work out.

I know this is new,

but I can already tell we're off to a good start.

Day by day, rain or shine,

you're gorgeous.

God, you make me happy.

I wonder, do you live alone?

I wonder, do you have a cat?

And you look after yourself too.

Every day you impress me more and more.

[Music]

Laura Pilgrim.

Laura, such a pretty name.

And everything here tells me you live alone.

God, I do love getting to know people.

[Music]

What's going on here?

[Music]

There must be something new to report.

[Music]

Ah, Daniela Walker was found by her husband when he got home from Sunday training with the kids.

Daniela who?

Forensics are still at the scene,

but the only prints they're pulling belong to family and friends.

Now, the husband is coming in shortly for an interview.

He's left his trademark souvenir.

A souvenir?

I mean, it has to be the carver.

Well, it's looking like it.

What has to be the carver?

Is sleep killing a thing like sleepwalking?

Or is somebody pretending to be me?

Hang on, hang on.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, Sally.

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's taken a lot of work to get where I've gotten,

and now some arsehole thinks he can piggyback off my efforts?

Do you like tuna, Joe?

There's only one Christchurch carver.

Fuck this guy.

Joe.

Sorry?

I ran out of ham, and all I had was tuna.

But I don't really have a chance to get any more,

because it's Martin's birthday.

Martin?

My brother.

Told you about him.

About how you remind me of him.

She wants to fuck her brother too?

People used to pick on him too.

And those things, they can spiral fast, Joe.

What the hell is she on about?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Thank you, Sally.

Look, I'd better get back to work.

Thank you.

Are you all right, Joe?

I'm fine, Sally.

Please don't follow me. Please don't follow me.

Please don't follow me.

Hang on.

She followed.

Were you born in a tent?

Sometimes it's good to know there's help.

I don't need a mechanic. I don't have a car.

That's my dad's old card.

I've written my number on the back.

You can trust me, so call any time.

Thanks, Sally.

Sorry, Sally. You'll never be my type.

Which for you is probably a good thing.

Daniela Walker?

Why would the police think I killed you?

And who are you?

Thank you.

Hey, Mike.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

That must be the husband.

This way, if you don't mind.

Travis said I left my trademark souvenir.

Does he mean the apple?

What else do you idiots think I did?

Jesus, are you guys going to start pinning everything that goes wrong in this city on me?

I need to get in there and figure out what's going on.

The media came up with the Christchurch Carver as a name for me.

I actually stabbed my first few victims before switching to apples.

It's hard catching a bus when you're covered in blood, even in Christchurch.

My lovelies.

All of you died doing what I loved.

Not you.

I take care choosing who I spend time with.

And what, for some guy to come along and pollute that with strangers?

Is it a one-off?

Somebody hiding a crime?

Like the husband?

Or is this the first of many?

I think those files say seven.

Okay, thank you.

[phone rings]

Hey.

I remember meeting her at your house.

We didn't talk much, but I liked her a lot.

You knew her well?

Well, enough to make school talk, but she was Sarah's friend.

Or work colleague, I guess.

And Mike? How well do you know him?

A lot less than Daniela.

Right. Walker's statement. He went to soccer practice at 16.30, back at 18.30.

He also gave us a couple of names of witnesses.

So not the husband, then.

People say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

But I say it's just some prick with no imagination.

Can't stop thinking about the apple.

What is it?

Usually he eats it.

Or maybe he's interrupted.

It could be why he strangled her instead of chucking her with the apple core.

Yep. Or it wasn't the kava.

It wasn't?

The apple's been in the media. It's not exactly a secret.

Along with the fact that fruit acid destroys DNA.

If you were trying to pin this on the kava, what would you do?

I leave the apple behind.

So you think we might have a copycat?

I think we need to consider it.

Right. We'd better head out and check these witnesses.

Thanks, Bex.

Joe. Can you not sneak up on me like that?

One day I might have to.

Good luck, Detective Carl.

We'll get him.

No, you won't. I'm getting him first.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

This is like trying to play the strangest game of solitaire ever.

She was strangled.

She killed anyone.

Crosswords? I thought only old people did those.

This is so hard without context.

I need to get into that house.

Damn it. I should have known there'd be no getting in.

These idiots are probably going to camp in the driveway for the next few days just to piss me off.

Maybe they'll build a fire and toast marshmallows.

Maybe standing here isn't the best idea.

Another time.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Guys! Guys!

Oh, you're not going to believe this.

There's this guy out there pretending to be me.

(PHONE RINGS)

I know. I'm nervous. Me.

So, anyway, I steal this photo and I go to the house, but there's heaps of cops there.

Joris, your mother. Now, don't forget dinner tomorrow night.

There's something urgent I need to tell you.

Urgent? I wonder what she's found on sale now.

(PHONE RINGS)

It's cold.

You were late. Again.

So, how's the girlfriend?

Who?

You said you'd met somebody.

I said I was looking.

So you haven't found anybody?

I've been busy.

Is that why you don't call?

I'm here, aren't I?

Did you know Gregory's getting married?

Gregory's your cousin?

I know who Gregory is. I just didn't know he was getting married.

He's a very fortunate man.

His fiancée is quite beautiful.

Fortunate isn't the right word, considering he ordered her for three easy payments plus postage.

Is that what was urgent?

Well, I've been busy too, Joe.

Cutting coupons.

I called the manufacturer, and they told me they have tight quality control, and it must be my fault.

I'm not following.

The jigsaw!

I've completed it, and there is a piece missing.

The manufacturer told me I must be losing them.

He was very rude about it, even told me to stop calling.

I know how he feels.

I turned the place upside down.

Lifted the rugs, vacuumed down the side of the couch.

I even went through the bins.

Does sound super urgent.

And...

I found these.

Oh, fuck.

I'm going to hand them in to the police.

Oh, don't do that.

Well, someone might have lost them.

Or they were stolen. There are some bad people out there, you know.

They're mine. I've been looking for them.

Yours?

You don't even own a car.

They're from work.

I still don't understand.

What kind of a car salesman doesn't have a car?

One who quit to become a cleaner.

Plus, I never sold cars like Dad.

I just cleaned them.

I must have thrown them out by accident.

Thanks, Mum.

You're a lifesaver.

You really are.

Hopeless.

Just like your father.

Only, he lost more sales than keys.

He was a useless husband, too.

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct chatter)

(siren blaring)

(siren blaring)

(indistinct chatter)

Do you put sugar in this?

Too like you like it.

Terrible coffee.

Sorry, Mum.

Do it myself next time.

A world without Mum.

No more cold meatloaf.

No phone messages.

No stories about mints on special.

She can finally reconnect with Dad.

Poor bastard.

Whoa, whoa, stop the bus!

Can you wait a minute?

Yeah, of course I can.

For 20 bucks.

(phone ringing)

Okay, buddy, hang on.

Hang on, mate, hang on.

Hang on.

Yeah, mate.

Here you go.

Just pop you under there.

Ooh, you're heavy.

How's that?

Is that alright?

Yeah.

(phone ringing)

Sorry.

Is there an all-night bed open?

Nothing on the route.

But I can get you one.

For 20 bucks.

Come on, Fluffy, you got this.

Don't go toward the light.

Can I help you?

I found her on the side of the road.

Already inside the bag?

No, but I had to put her in something.

Okay.

Let me go take a look.

You can take a seat over there.

(phone ringing)

Thank God this isn't life-size.

Hey.

She's stable for now, but she's going to need an operation

and to stay with us a few days.

You said you'd be back in a few days.

Yeah, I'll be back in a few days.

I'll be back in a few days.

I'll be back in a few days.

You said you found her on the side of the road?

Yeah, I got off the bus to save her.

That's an incredible thing to do.

Just next time use your jacket

or anything other than a plastic bag.

I did poke holes in it.

The bag, I mean, not the cat.

Well, you saved her life, that's for sure.

Whereas whoever hit her just left her there.

I guess some people are monsters.

Hmm.

Well, I'll give you my card,

and if you just write your number on there,

I can keep you updated.

Beautiful, smart, empathetic,

bedroom eyes.

Jennifer, I wonder, do you live alone?

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck's sake.

[car beeps]

Oh, what's the best cat food?

Cat food.

I found it after it got hit by a car.

I think getting hit by a car changes what foods you like.

I think it changes what food it can chew.

I don't know, man, I'm not a vet.

But there's some tins past the used by-all sale down the back.

My cat swears by this.

Your cat swears?

Only when he's hungry.

She seems nice.

[car door slams]

[car engine starts]

Thank you.

Hey, did I hear that you found the cat after it got run over?

Oh, it's at the vet's.

I figure if they can't find the owner, then I'll take it in.

Oh, that's so sweet of you.

I'm Melissa.

Joe.

Pleased to meet you, Joe.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a bus to catch.

So before you make any jokes about catching the bus...

Oh, I catch the bus too.

Are you kidding me?

Mine's just up ahead over there.

Oh, well, let's go.

After you.

[music]

So what do you do, Joe, other than save cats?

I work at the police station.

Oh. What kind of cop are you?

One who cleans the toilets. A good one.

Are you part of that Carver investigation?

Intimately.

No offence, but why can't you guys catch him?

He's very clever.

And very good looking.

So what do you do?

Apart from talk to strangers and buy cat food.

I'm a journalist.

I never killed a journalist.

Should I be talking to you?

Oh, you're safe.

Unless the police want to go on record as to what scarves are coming into fashion.

[laughs]

Oh.

[laughs]

[music]

At the moment I'm between gags.

I've just moved here from Auckland, so I'm still kind of finding my feet.

Is it true that serial killers tend to have menial service jobs?

No. That's a cliche.

And they have crazy mothers?

That one's true.

This is a nice stop.

Hey, stay safe. There's a serial killer out there.

Listen, Joe, am I silly asking if you would walk me home?

Happy to.

[laughs]

Thank you.

[gasps]

Thanks again for walking with me. You're such a gentleman.

My pleasure.

Oh, I'm a bit cold.

Um, here.

Oh, this.

It's not often you see someone using a briefcase to buy pet food.

Oh, it was my dad's. I carried it around as a reminder to him.

That's very sweet.

Oh, what's in the pocket?

Oh, um...

Should I be worried?

No, it's a precaution.

I got a fire up, figured the car would be targeting cops, so...

Hey, I would, um, never normally cut through there by myself, but it's quicker.

Sure.

Wow, this part of town's really gone downhill.

Every part of town has since the earthquakes.

I once had a Jehovah's Witness on my doorstep telling me the earthquakes were caused by pornography.

I once had one on my doorstep saying God gave us climate change because he was mad with women wearing tight jeans.

I used to play there...

with my sister.

Back before every service was child-proofed.

Was there lead paint back then?

No.

But she did fall off the fort once and break her leg.

I thought you said you were from Auckland.

Yeah, we moved there after she died.

Your sister?

It's a long story.

Thanks again for walking with me.

This is going to be easy.

Ah!

Mm-mm.

I will shoot you.

What are you doing?

Open your briefcase.

Why?

I mean it, Joel, if I can shoot you.

Apple, knife.

Well, isn't that interesting?

Uh, everything in my briefcase is evidence?

Mm-hmm.

Take them off.

I said off!

My pants?

Mm-hmm.

Underwear.

Really?

I know who you are, Joel.

I know what you do.

Nobody.

Pick them up.

Pick them up.

Cuff one on your left wrist.

Hurry up.

Lie down there.

Go, go, go, go, go!

You're making a mistake.

Arms around it.

Cuff your other wrist.

Ah.

Ah.

Good.

Ah!

Fuck.

Wow!

You really came well prepared.

I bet this has seen a few things.

Hey, you've got this all wrong.

How about I see some more?

Look.

Look, whoever you think I am, you're wrong.

Ah!

Fuck!

Please stop. Please, please.

How does that feel, Joel?

What the fuck do you want?

That is a great question, Joel.

Shall we find out?

Ah!

That is a great question, Joel.

Shall we find out?

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

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