All language subtitles for Columbo.S10E02.Caution.Murder.Can.Be.Hazardous.To.Your.Health.DVDRip.XviD-aAF.English

So your husband the doc's
waiting outside for me to take a fix, huh?

You're gonna give him the signal,

he comes in
and gives me a fatal dose.

He's got it all worked out,
doesn't he?

Oh, yes.

He's parked a rental car where
your body goes over the cliff in his car.

And when it blows up,

not even dental charts will be able
to prove who or what was in the car.

Hm... You and your hubby
really had a scam going, didn't you?

Yeah.

Until you came along.

So your husband dies and the grieving
widow gets the insurance,

you meet him in Europe
and live happily ever after.

The only change of plan is...

he's going to die,

and this grieving widow
meets her lover in Europe and lives...

Happily ever after.
Now, it is time to give the signal, babe.

Here's a taste of
your own medicine, Doc.

Barbara Baylor is suspected
of the murder of her husband

in Washington, DC
three years ago.

Duke Dimarco has a history of arrest for
both armed robbery and drug possession

in New York and Philadelphia.

If you've seen either Barbara Baylor
or Duke Dimarco

please call our Crimealert hotline
at 1-...

OK. Hold it there, one.
Coming up on one.

Hold it.
Ready for you, one.

- ... 24 hours a day.
- Take one.

With your cooperation,
we've captured 32 dangerous criminals,

and for that I thank you,
and Crimealert thanks you.

Remember, keep your eyes open
and stay alert.

And take 'em down... now.

Dissolve to logo.
Dissolve it.

Pick up titles. Super it.

And roll it.

A caller thinks they've got a location
on our child molester.

- Terrific.
- Great show, Wade.

Got some people for you to meet.
This is Betty, Martin and Tina.

They're big fans.
Great to have you here. All right.

That was a great show, everybody.
That last segment was a ratings-grabber.

Right. Tomorrow, we do
the tri-state robbery segment.

Production meeting,
my office, ten o'clock.

- How about those notes?
- I'll get them to you right away.

- I need the script for tomorrow.
- I'll get it.

These deadlines! We should do a segment
on how this show's murdering me.

Last year you were doing documentaries.
Now you've got a top-rated network show.

Can I remind you that just last year
you were a glorified security guard?

- Security expert, please.
- I stand corrected.

It was lucky for you that you were working
for Jake Salzburg at the right time.

It wasn't luck.
Jake wanted the best.

That's why he called me when his wife
was hassled by that crazy fan.

Wade, notes and homework.

And when he picked me to host the show,
once again he made the best choice.

You certainly take a lot of credit
for this show.

What can I tell you? The brass is ecstatic
over the audience reaction to me.

I hope for your sake the big chief
keeps you up on your cloud.

He'd pull the plug in a minute
if our ratings slipped.

Max, I don't intend
to let that happen.

- So we're set for next week, huh?
- Mm-hm.

Thank you, Andr�.

You do good work.

Celebrity Profile magazine,
a cover - that's great.

All my clients should be so easy to get a cover for.
Enjoy it while it lasts.

While it lasts? Al, it's gonna last,
I can assure you that.

- You just keep doing your part.
- Don't you worry, Wade.

As long as your show's as hot as it is,
you won't be able to keep me away.

- Good to see you, Wade.
- You like the show?

- I love the show.
- Good to see you.

Call me soon.

- Hey, Bob.
- Wade.

Al, hi.

Wade, the series is going great.
Better every time.

- Saw the overnights. Good going.
- Thanks so much.

Hi. How are you?

Henry, ask Monique to see what's holding
up the photo on the Echo Park sniper.

- You got it.
- Max, there's a call for you from the FBI.

All right. That'll be about the kidnapping.
I think we may have located those boys.

If that's it,
contact the local affiliate

and see if you can get a camera feed
with pictures of the parents and the kids.

Don't powder me too much.
I just need a little in here.

Thank you.
That's great.

Well, you certainly have
done all right for yourself.

Still smoking four packs a day, Budd.

You need me for something?

Well, as a matter of fact...
there is something.

Make it fast, Budd.
I got a show to do.

Well, I, uh...

I think I have a story that you, uh...
that you might be interested in.

Why don't you let Henry read it?
And if it's interesting, well, we'll get back to you.

No. I don't think so.

It's a very special story,
for your ears only.

Budd, I would really rather
you not smoke in here.

I just received a video
from an old buddy.

It was something that he thought
I might find... enjoyable.

- And he was right.
- Budd, I don't have the time.

Holly Does Houston?

It has a nice ring to it.

It's really something
you should look at, Wade.

- Go on.
- Oh. I see that I have your interest now.

- I'm listening.
- Turns out that, uh...

our young film star
gave quite a performance.

As did his underage co-star.

Not exactly Disney,
if you know what I mean.

Why are you sharing this with me?

Because I just couldn't forget
the choice bits that you laid on Salzburg

about my not having
the right image for the show.

That was some hatchet job
you did on me.

Budd, it's not my fault
you fell off the wagon again.

There's not that much in my background
to compare to yours, now, is there?

- What is it you want?
- You're not a stupid man, Wade.

Crimealert was supposed
to be my show.

I'm the one with the qualifications -
19 years invested in this business.

- It was a lock and everybody knew it.
- Everybody? Clearly not Jake Salzburg.

He knew what I was capable of.

What you were capable of
was licking the right boots.

Oh, you're smooth. You're smooth,
all right. I mean, you're really smooth.

But what do you think
that Salzburg

and the rest of your adoring audience
would say

if they knew that
you did skin flicks?

Our wonder-boy crime-fighter?

- Look, Budd, get to the...
- No, you look, Wade.

Cos if it gets out
that you did skin flicks...

- Get to the point!
- The point...

is that you're gonna lose the show.

That's what the point is.

Of course, you do have a choice.
You can leave with your reputation intact.

I'm sure there's others out there
who would go for your brand of charm.

Or you can be...

my lead story on
the 11 o'clock news.

So, which will it be, Wade?

- Camera's ready, Wade.
- I'll be there in a minute!

Where's the rest of it?

Just polishing it
on my computer at home.

We'll have to talk about this
some more, privately.

- Right now I've got a show to do.
- Certainly.

We, uh...

We can meet...

tomorrow night at my house, 6pm.

- Don't be late.
- I'll be there.

Let's move. We have 30 seconds.
Let's get it moving now.

Wade, we've been waiting for you.
What kept you?

- Did you see Budd?
- I saw him.

- Well, did he have a story for us?
- Story?

Why else would he come to see you?
He's not exactly a fan of yours.

I told him I didn't have time
to see him right now.

One. OK.
Five seconds, now.

Hey, Wade. Are we going over
the profile segments tomorrow?

I'll be working at the office.
I can do it myself.

- I'll be glad to come in. It's...
- No, no, I can manage for once.

You deserve some R and R.
You have a good weekend, you deserve it.

OK. Good night, boss.

Night.

- Good night, Henry.
- Night, Max.

Will we see you tomorrow night?
I'm making a new dish for the party.

- I'm looking forward to it. What time?
- Seven?

- Black beans and demon rum?
- You got it. OK, good night.

Bye.

I'm going to trim
all the hedges this week.

Thanks, Juan.

Right on time, I see.

So tell me.

Just what have you decided?

You said you had a tape.
I'd like to see it.

Proof?
I'll give you a private showing.

I've seen enough.
You can turn it off.

So... let's get down to business.

I've found a way to make this
work out for both of us.

- You have?
- I propose that we share the show.

You and I co-host.

Co-host?

No way. You've been in the spotlight
too long already.

- I want you out of the picture completely.
- Just hear me out.

Your way, there's no guarantee
you'll get the job, even if I leave.

With you gone,
I don't see any problems at all.

It isn't gonna be easy.

The following I have,
you're gonna need me to pull this off.

I'd have to find a valid excuse
to leave the show.

You're a very creative person.
I'm sure you'll think of something.

The brass will have to buy it.

Especially if I'm gonna tell 'em
you're gonna take over.

Wade, I can't...

I can't breathe!

Help me!

Told you those things
were gonna kill you.

News at 11?

Max?

Well.

Wade!

Champagne! You certainly know
how to make an entrance.

I put in a hard day
and now I want to celebrate.

Look who's here!

- Wade!
- Wade, good to see ya.

Hey. What do you say, boy?
How are you?

All right, back off.
Gotta go to work.

You're a real friendly boy,
aren't you?

Oh, you're a girl.

You know, you got more life
than my dog. Yes, you have.

Yes, you have.
Oh, what happened here?

- Her name's Sheba.
- Sheba?

Hey, that's a nice name, Sheba.

- My name's Randy.
- Oh, hi, Randy.

I'm Lieutenant Columbo.

- Are you a real lieutenant?
- I'm not Dick Tracy.

Look at this.
That real enough for you?

Wow!

Randy, I gotta go to work now.

Bye, Sheba.

- What do you got, Sergeant Lewis?
- Name's Budd Clarke.

He's a newscaster on KRVA.

Oh, yeah.

I seen him lots of times
on the evening news.

Looks like he's gonna be making the news
instead of reporting it.

George.
This is the way you found him?

Uh-huh. No signs of violence,
no obvious wounds.

I'll know more after the autopsy.

But he looks like a good candidate
for heart failure.

He's the right age.
Had to be a stressful profession.

Obviously a heavy smoker.

The victim was found at around 4:30 this
morning by a neighbour, Mr Eric Larson,

who says the victim's dog
was barking in the night.

I gotta quit smoking.
This is crazy.

Uh...

Anything else, George?

He probably died between
six and seven last night.

It looks like respiratory failure,
possibly due to a heart attack.

Neighbour says it was unusual for
the dog to be out at that hour of night.

Just a puppy. If you can imagine that.
Have you seen this dog?

Yeah, she jumped all over me.
Seemed very friendly. Go on, Sergeant.

Mr Larson called the police.

The patrol officer saw the body
through the patio doors and broke in.

No sign of forced entry or struggle.
The lab boys are here as you requested.

- Did anybody else live here?
- No. Uh, no.

Mr Larson says Clarke lived alone.

A housekeeper comes in weekdays.

- Frank?
- Yes, sir?

See if you can find an ashtray with more
cigarette butts. I wanna take a look.

All right, tweezers?
George, you got tweezers?

Here you go, sir.

- What's the matter?
- I found this one in the bedroom.

Thank you, Officer.

Sergeant, have the lab boys check out all
these cigarette butts in these ashtrays,

and any others
you can find in the house.

And this one, the one that was
on the desk, have that marked.

- What is it, Lieutenant?
- These cigarettes, the ones on the desk...

they weren't smoked.

Weren't smoked?
What do you mean?

Look.
No nicotine stain on the filter.

But these cigarettes,
in these ashtrays,

were smoked.

Notice the yellowish-brown nicotine stain
on the filter.

Oh, yeah.

And look here.

Clean as a whistle.
Tag it and get it to the lab.

You got it, Lieutenant.
Frank.

- You finished with the body?
- Yeah, all finished.

The press is outside.
They want a statement.

- Tell 'em the usual.
- Yes, sir.

Anybody know how to work this thing?
These machines, they baffle me.

- What do you need?
- I want to see the rest of this story.

Stop it. "...seventeen-year-old
girl disappeared from a small town." OK.

Just want to check.

"...Seventeen-year-old girl
disappeared from a..."

- Can you make a copy of that?
- In a flash.

- Here you go, Lieutenant.
- Thanks.

Hm...

Sergeant?

Check this out for latent prints.

How are you?

Yeah, you're a friendly little girl,
aren't you?

Oh, do you wanna go with me?
Here, I got something for you.

My dog loves these. Here.

OK, down.

Did you do this?
Thanks a lot.

You've ruined
the whole door of the car.

I gotta go now.

Uh...

Homicide?

You mean it may not have been
a heart attack?

Not necessarily. You see, when a person
dies like this, we have to investigate.

Oh.

These machines are something,
aren't they? Computers?

And there's where you type. Ah.

Me, I only can type
with two fingers.

- This is Mr Clarke's office?
- Yes.

- Could I look in?
- Uh... yes.

Uh...

- Oh, I see he has his own computer.
- Yes.

- Did Mr Clarke type his own stories?
- Most of the time.

Except if he was close to deadline.
Then sometimes I'd type up his notes.

- Notes?
- Yes.

- He kept notes?
- Yes.

- Where'd he keep them?
- The tape recorder. On the desk.

He used it almost
everywhere he went.

- Oh, so he would talk his notes?
- Yes.

Well, people do that now.

They used to write 'em.

- The notes are in here?
- Yes.

- There's nothing here.
- Oh. The tape was there on Friday.

I gave him a new one that morning.

- Where is the old one?
- They're erased. Then we reuse them.

Oh.

Are these the news stories
that Mr Clarke was working on?

Yes. At least, some of them. But all of our
news stories are logged on the computer.

- Could you show me?
- Yeah.

Wow! Look at all those stories.

- Is there a particular one you're?
- Yes. Roll it down to the Es.

Yeah, that's good.

"'Evening in the Kremlin'.
'Emergency in the Pentagon'."

"'End of the road for dope... '
'Extracurricular..."'

And that's the end of the Es.

Could Mr Clarke have a story
that wasn't on this list?

"Escape to Death"?
I don't see it here.

Yes, I suppose so. But it would have to be
a new one if it's not in the computer yet.

Thank you.
You've been very helpful.

Oh. Could you tell me
when you saw Mr Clarke last?

On Friday.
He came in around two.

About three, he said he had to go down
to see Wade Anders.

Do you happen to recall
when Mr Clarke returned?

He was gone about 30 minutes.

Then he got ready to go on the air at four.
I left at five. Never saw him again.

Can you tell me
where I can find Mr Anders?

He's on the main floor,
where Crimealert is.

Wanna give me
a hand with this ladder?

First of all, I don't want...

No. We didn't agree on that.
That camera move didn't work.

Excuse me. We don't allow anyone
in this area without authorisation.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Lieutenant Columbo. Homicide.

It seems like you've got more equipment
here than we got down at headquarters.

I'll get someone.

There's a guy over here,
name's Columbo, Lieutenant.

I'm Maxine Jarrett.
You're Lieutenant, uh... Columbo, is it?

Yes, ma'am.
Boy, this is quite a place.

I was just saying, seems like
you're better equipped than we are.

You have no idea how much paperwork
it is just to get a phone.

- I'm sure that's a problem for you.
- Yeah...

I'm sorry, but we run on a really tight
schedule. What can I do for you?

I understand, ma'am.
I'm checking up on Budd Clarke's death.

Yes. I heard about it this morning.

I heard he was here on Friday.
Did you see him?

Yes, he was here on Friday,
but he talked to Wade Anders, our host.

Oh, you don't have to tell me who he is.
My wife and I, we love the show.

- If she could just spot a suspect...
- That's what makes our show popular.

I hope you all had a restful weekend
because we got a very busy week ahead.

- Morning, sir.
- Meeting in five minutes.

Mr Anders?
Could I speak to you for a minute?

- Who are you?
- Lieutenant Columbo, from Homicide.

It's a real pleasure meeting you, sir.

I don't have any time right now. Why don't
you give your story to my assistant?

If we can use it, we'll call you.

Oh, no, sir.
I'm here about Budd Clarke.

Budd Clarke? Yes, I heard.
A heart attack?

That's what
we're trying to find out, sir.

I understand that
he was here on Friday?

Oh, it's been so hectic lately.
Friday?

Yes. Yes, he was here. He said something
about a story we might be interested in.

Did he say what it was about, sir?

No. I was called to the set.
I told him to see my assistant.

Uh-huh. I'll bet you're always getting
people who want you to use their stories.

It's incredible. We receive
far more requests than we can use.

We have to pick the ones
we feel will interest the viewers.

Oh, yes, sir.
I can see it's very complicated.

Wade, the meeting?

I'll be right there.
I'll just see the lieutenant.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

You know, my wife, she's not gonna
believe this, my meeting you.

She's a big fan. Just the other day
she told me she thought the grocery clerk

looked like a suspect
on your show.

That's part of our appeal, Lieutenant.

The audience likes to get involved
in catching criminals.

Do you think some of those people
could become vigilantes?

Pardon me for saying this. I'm sure you
do the best job you can, but let's face it,

our police departments are inadequate
to meet the large rise in violent crime.

- You should take tips from us.
- What can you tell me about Clarke?

Were you aware of
any problems he was having?

Coffee, Lieutenant?

Budd was all right.

Good newsman, I think.

Of course, he didn't like me very much.
Everybody knows he wanted my job.

When he found out I was hired for
this show, he told anyone who'd listen...

I wouldn't last. That's bad forecasting.
Good thing he wasn't a weatherman.

But he came to you about
doing one of his stories?

Budd might hold a grudge,
but not about selling stories.

Wade? Are you ready?

We have a meeting,
then we want to do a run-through.

I'm being summoned.
It can be gruelling.

- I can see that, sir.
- It's been a pleasure, Lieutenant.

Oh, by the way, Lieutenant. If I can ever
be of any help to you, you let me know.

- Appreciate it.
- And tell your wife...

we'll look in on that grocery clerk.

It's a good thing you ordered
a toxicology report.

- Why?
- That's the only way this can be traced.

Really?

The victim died of
acute nicotine poisoning.

Three times the lethal amount,
introduced through the lungs.

- Like in cigarette smoke?
- No.

Nicotine in cigarettes metabolises
more slowly in the body.

That's why it takes longer
to kill smokers.

If it wasn't nicotine in the cigarettes,
then what was it?

A highly concentrated form - nicotine
sulphate, a really poisonous substance.

It paralyses the lungs, the heart action
goes nuts - bingo, you are dead.

- That quick?
- With the amount he had in him,

he must have died
within minutes of ingestion.

- Thank you, George.
- You're welcome, Lieutenant.

This angle.

- What's going on? Who are these people?
- Shh.

They're from Celebrity Profile.

Mr Anders is being interviewed
by Celebrity Profile?

Not just an interview, Lieutenant.
Wade's gonna be on the cover.

A cover? Hey...

About your background, I heard
that you were a security consultant.

That sounds like
a Cinderella story to me.

I feel as though Crimealert is
the most important work I've ever done.

The show must be
quite a responsibility.

I do feel an obligation
to my viewers, yes.

Our readers are as interested in you
as they are the show.

What's your reaction to all this?

Have I touched on something
you'd rather not discuss?

What?

No, no. I was distracted. I've got a lot
on my mind. I'm sure you can imagine.

Now's the time to take a break.

- Henry?
- Sir?

Mr Anders?

Lieutenant.
What brings you back so soon?

I have something
that I'd like you to see.

- Certainly.
- May we step into your office?

Right this way.

I hope I've got the right envelope.

I've got so many of these.

Well, we'll soon know.

Oh, dear.

Oh, yes. I've got 'em, sir.

What have you got there, Lieutenant?
Uh, news stories?

Right, sir.
If you could just look at these.

- You want me to read them?
- If you would, sir.

- Out loud?
- That would be fine.

"'Escape to Death'. 'Hot Time for
Slum Lord'. 'Overdose in Medical Centre'."

You didn't notice the other two
are different from this one?

You see, sir, Mr Anders,

this one has upper-
and lower-case letters,

while these two
are all in capital letters.

That's right, just as you say.
But what's the problem?

We found these on Mr Clarke's desk
when we found the body.

- Where you found the body.
- Right, sir.

Forgive me,
but I don't understand the problem.

We found the same story, "Escape
to Death", on the computer screen,

so it would appear that this story is
the story that Mr Clarke was working on.

Yes, I would agree with you there.

The trouble is, sir,
that this story, "Escape to Death",

it wasn't typed the same
as these other two stories.

Why is that significant?

- I can't explain it, sir.
- You can't explain it. That's the problem.

Yes, sir.

Maybe Budd typed that story
and a secretary has typed the others.

Well, sir, then the titles
would still be the same.

There's no way for you to know,
but they all use the same format.

Budd, the secretary, the newsroom -
same format.

- The same?
- Yes. Like these.

All the titles in caps.

- Hm...
- Oh.

Can you think of some explanation?

- Nothing comes to mind.
- No, huh? Hm.

Oh dear, dear, dear, dear.

Wait a minute.

Maybe somebody other than Budd
typed that story.

So, someone other than Budd
typed the story. Yes.

- That could be the answer.
- Yes.

Thank you, sir.

- Ironic, isn't it?
- Sir?

The title.

Oh.

"Escape to Death".
That is ironic.

- Isn't it?
- Yes.

I hope I've been of some help.

You certainly have, sir,
and I appreciate your input.

And thank you for your time.

Oh, Mr Anders.
I forgot something I wanted to show you.

Could you step out here?
It'll only take a few minutes.

Two minutes.

What have you got there, Lieutenant?

Sir, did you see what I just did?

- You just tore a page out of my printer.
- Watch carefully. I'm gonna do it again.

Now do you see what I mean?

I see you've torn two pages out of
my printer and you're holding one.

Yes, sir, but do you see
how I'm holding it?

- Yes, I do.
- I've tried every way I know how, sir,

and I can't tear a page out of this printer
without touching both sides.

- Why is that significant?
- When we found Mr Clarke's print,

it was only on one side of
the page that was under his hand.

- Go on.
- If he'd pulled the page from the printer,

his fingerprints would have been
on both sides.

- I think you're on to something.
- Well, thank you, sir.

- That's good work.
- From you, that's a real compliment.

Keep me posted on your progress.

We could use some good material.

That would be terrific.
And I'll be sure to let you know, sir.

Do that.

- Tell Max we're in perfect position.
- We're in perfect position, Max.

- Good. It'll be a second.
- Ready when they are.

OK. The cameras are in place down here.
SWAT team's almost ready.

It's about to go down, folks.

Max, we're in place
and we're ready.

Wait for my cue. OK, everybody. Cameras
are ready. Roll on Wade in 15 seconds.

OK. Everything's ready, Wade.
This is gonna be good.

- It better be.
- Any second now.

Here we go.
Three. Two.

Today you're going to see first-hand
the capture of two suspects

profiled on Crimealert last week.

After a tip from one of our viewers, we've
led the police to a motel across the street

from where I'm standing
at this very moment.

Police! Open up!

Freeze!

Baylor conspired with
Dimarco to kill her husband

for the $500,000 insurance policy
on his life.

I want to thank the viewers
who watch our show.

Because of you, criminals like Baylor
and Dimarco can be taken off our streets.

That's a wrap.

- How was it? Talk to me.
- Great. Max said they got it all.

You tell Max not to edit
till I get a chance to go over it with her.

- Great show.
- Thanks.

I got a message
from Lieutenant Columbo.

He won't be able to see you today.
He said that he's hot on a lead, will fill you in later.

That lieutenant's bent on
getting one of his cases on our show.

- Everybody's out to make a buck.
- Your show's really got 'em coming.

Maurice is ready to trim your hair.

I'll head over there right now.
Thanks, Henry. Lieutenant Columbo.

Thanks, fellas. Great show.

But just a little here and here,
and right off the top,

it'll make you look
much more distinguished and sexier.

Oh, my wife would like that.
Are you gonna take mostly off the top?

No, no. I'm gonna trim the ends all over.
Give it a little shape, a little body.

I got the same barber 20 years.
I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.

- Don't worry. We won't tell him.
- OK. Not too much...

- Lieutenant, what are you doing here?
- Oh, Mr Anders.

How are you?
I was...

I just got a message that said
you were following a hot lead.

- I was, sir, but it fell apart.
- Hot lead turned cold?

Yeah, it busted out on me.
But this morning I found this.

And this is really good.

- Cigarettes?
- Cigarettes.

Really?

- I need a trim. I don't have much time.
- I'm sorry.

Your hairdresser was giving me
a few pointers on my hair.

He wants to make me
more attractive.

What is the difference between
a hairdresser and a barber?

Oh, about $50.

That's a good one.
Oh, I'm gonna remember that.

You know what this is like?

This is like the fingerprints being on
only one side of the paper, not on both.

It opens up all kinds of questions.

- Really?
- And I'd love to show it to you.

Sure, if it doesn't take too long.

Two minutes, sir.

Mr Anders, do you see the difference
between these two cigarettes?

Yeah. But I'm not the guy to ask
about cigarettes. You know I hate 'em.

Well, you don't have
to be a smoker, sir.

You can see the difference
between these two.

Sure.

Now, this one was found
on the ashtray on Mr Clarke's desk.

That's where we found the body.
But this one,

this was found on an ashtray
in another part of the room.

Am I stupid?
I'm missing the point.

You can see that these two cigarettes
were put out in completely different ways.

One was crushed,
the ether's twisted.

Exactly. Twisted.

Crushed.

- People put out cigarettes in many ways.
- But that's the point, sir.

Someone else was there.

Someone else was there?

Of course. That's good.

- Why didn't I think of that?
- I don't know what this all means.

- It's food for thought.
- Definitely. This is something to chew on.

Thank you, Wade.

- Photographer's waiting.
- Go ahead. I don't want to hold you up.

Good. That's really good.

Maybe you should host the show.

Fix his hair.

- Keep me posted.
- Lieutenant?

- Ah. He's got a great sense of humour.
- Yes, he does.

What's this?
"Presumed Innocent"'.

What's that?

It's an audio book.

Budd didn't have time for reading,
so he'd listen to the cassette in the car.

Yeah, but I read that book. That's a big
book. They got the whole book on this?

No. It's a condensed version.
Kind of like Reader's Digest.

Oh, that's great.

I should use that.

Of course, first I have to get
a tape deck in my car.

- So is this all?
- As far as I know.

Yeah.
Get me a tape deck in my car.

In the car...

Pick up the dry-cleaning.

Take a look at the station IDs
for the 11 o'clock news.

Check Arnie's in Hollywood for
background info on the porno film.

Hey, cutie. Wanna show me
what's under the, uh, raincoat?

- There you go, pal.
- Excuse me, sir.

Just wait your turn, buddy.

Hope we both
have fun tonight, pal.

OK, what can I do for you?

I'm Lieutenant Columbo.
Homicide.

Homicide? Hey, wait a minute.
I'm just a guy...

All I wanna do is ask you a few questions.
Nothing to worry about.

- Did you know Budd Clarke?
- Yeah.

How well?

- We served together in the army.
- Then you were friends?

We didn't exactly travel in the same
circles, but in the service we were close.

Whenever I needed him,
he was right there.

And I'm real proud
of his success.

Did you send a tape to Mr Clarke?

Yeah. Holly Does Houston.

- Holly Does... What?
- It's a porno film.

Holly Does...

Houston? Oh!

I get it. OK.

I came across it
in some boxes in the back.

Forgot I had it.
I figured Budd'd get a kick out of it.

As far as I know, it's the only porno film
that Wade Anders ever made.

Wade Anders?
He did a porno?

Gave quite a performance,
if you know what I mean.

Well, what do you know about that?

Why would you think that Mr Clarke
would get a kick out of that film?

Well, you know, Anders edged Budd out
as the host of the Crimealert show.

Did a real hatchet job on him.

So I figured Budd'd really get a laugh
out of seeing Mr Clean in a porno film.

Do you know if Mr Anders
knew that you sent it to Mr Clarke?

- I never heard a word.
- Do you have a copy of that film?

You figure this film has something
to do with Budd's death?

You never know, sir.
Got to check everything out.

Yeah. I'll have to run you off a copy.
It's an 8mm.

I'd appreciate it.

Anything for Budd, Lieutenant.

You can wait right in here.
Mr Anders should be with you any minute.

- Thank you very much.
- But you must be brief.

He's due at a rehearsal
for the TV awards in an hour.

He's getting one of those statues?
Great.

No, he's going to be one of the presenters.
We're all very excited.

Well, this is some office here.
Look at all this stuff.

And that rug.
That must cost a bundle.

Oh, Lieutenant. Mr Anders doesn't allow
anyone to smoke in his office.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

- If you need anything, I'll be at my desk.
- Thank you.

Mr Anders,
a couple of phone calls.

And Lieutenant Columbo
is waiting in your office.

In my office?

- Lieutenant?
- Hey.

You and the governor.
That's pretty good.

That was a very special day for me,
I can assure you.

I'll bet it was, sir.

I was admiring your desk.
It's an antique, isn't it?

It's well over 100 years old.

- What a beauty.
- So what brings you here?

We got the report from the medical
examiner, sir, and it showed...

If you don't mind,
would you, sir?

- You want me to sign this?
- For my wife.

She'd really get a kick out of it.

You were saying
something about a report.

Hm? Oh, yeah.

Mr Clarke died
of nicotine poisoning.

Nicotine poisoning?

- So Budd smoked himself to death.
- That's great.

- What?
- Your picture, sir.

It wasn't the nicotine in
the cigarette tobacco that killed him.

It was nicotine sulphate.

- Nicotine sulphate? What's that?
- You never heard of it?

- No.
- It's one of the deadliest poisons there is.

It takes only one little drop
to kill a man.

That's incredible, Lieutenant.

You're saying that
Budd was murdered?

Oh, yes, sir.
Mr Clarke, he was murdered all right.

I know you thought there was some sort
of mystery surrounding Budd's death,

but poisoned?
Who would have thought of that?

Right from the start I thought
there was something fishy here.

Yes, I-I-I remember you...

you were worried about... the fingerprints
being on only one side of the page.

- Didn't make any sense.
- You were right.

And now it appears,

at least to me...

that somebody must have...

placed Budd's hand on that paper.

The murderer.

Exactly the way I figured it, sir.
Only way it makes sense.

But I still don't see how Budd was
poisoned with that... nicotine sulphate?

Right, sir. I haven't figured that out yet,
but I'm working on it.

Oh, I'm sure you are, Lieutenant.

And I have the utmost confidence in you
that you'll come up with the right answer.

Thank you very much, sir.

Oh, there's something else
that's been bugging me.

- And what's that?
- We found an ashtray of cigarette butts

on Mr Clarke's desk.

We also found
a cigarette in his hand.

Budd was a chain smoker.
You know that.

The autopsy report showed
that he inhaled the poison

only moments before he died.

But Mr Clarke hadn't smoked
the cigarette in his hand

or any of the cigarettes
on his desk.

Why would you say that?

No nicotine stains on the filters.

OK, come on, you guys.

Right. Come on out.

Good, fellas.
All right, move forward, please.

Yes.

Move in.
More left, you guys.

Guys, don't forget.
High kick.

Yeah, that's it.

Good. Cooking.
Come on, let's go.

Hop.

Girls, and roll it.
All right. Here we go, yeah.

All right, good.

Block it out. Come on.

All right, now roll it.

I don't know. I think...

We're ready for you, Mr Anders.
Could you come with me, please?

Excuse me, sir.
Can I help you?

I'm looking for Wade Anders.
The security guard said...

- If you'd like to leave your name...
- I'm from the police. Lieutenant Columbo.

Oh, I see.
Um, he's right over there.

Huh? He was there a minute ago.

Let me ask you,
is Roseanne Barr here?

- No, she won't be here until later.
- I'd like to see her.

- This is my first time.
- She'll be here at 5:30.

This is a great number.

- Lieutenant.
- There you are.

- Fancy meeting you here.
- This is...

- Hi. Can I have your autograph, please?
- Me too. Me too.

- Yeah, it's exciting, isn't it?
- I love to watch 'em dance.

Yeah, they got great legs.

- Thank you.
- No business like show business, eh?

You can say that again, sir.
Talking about show business.

Do you know the first actress
that was ever on a postage stamp?

No, I don't.
Who was that?

Grace Kelly.
When she married Prince Rainier.

- You don't say?
- To commemorate the wedding.

- Are you here to see me?
- Yes, sir, I am.

Here's what happened.

After I left you,
I had a meeting with the captain.

- This case is now murder, right?
- Right.

So he said to me,
"Where do we go from here?"

- Natural question, right?
- Right.

Me, I got no answers. And now he
sits down and he's looking right at me.

This guy is tough.

So he says,
"Who did Mr Clarke last see?"

I said, "On Saturday, the day he died,
he didn't see anybody."

"Well, who did he see on Friday?"

I said, "On Friday he went to work."

"Saw the people there.
Had an appointment with a Mr..."

- Wade Anders.
- He knew you, sir.

- He did?
- Loves your show.

Mr Anders,
they're waiting for you at the podium.

- So the bottom line is...
- Lieutenant.

Is this your way of asking
what I was doing on Saturday?

- It is, sir, yes.
- Why don't you just come out and ask it?

- Well, with certain people it's hard.
- What time was the murder?

Between 6 and 7pm.

Between 6 and 7pm.

- I was in my production office, working.
- Anybody with you?

No.

How can we verify that, sir?

- Verify it?
- If we could.

Verify it... That's where I was.
That's it. Anything else?

No. Thank you very much.

The nominees for
outstanding directing in...

Uh, Lieutenant?

It just occurred to me that
my presence in the production office

is probably recorded on
surveillance tape.

Oh?

- Would that be of help?
- Absolutely.

Good. Then I'll have it ready
any time you stop by.

- Tomorrow?
- Fine.

Thank you very much.

Marty, I'm sorry to hold you up.
Um...

The nominees for outstanding director
in a miniseries or special are...

Could you back it up?

Move it back!

You all right?

No problem.

It looks pretty good. I don't see anything.
I think the bumper saved you.

Lieutenant, you see that?

They're gonna have to take off the hood,
match the paint. It'll cost about $2,000.

Why don't we look at my car?

What kind of car was that, anyway?

This is a 1952 Peugeot, sir.
They're... they're very rare.

This didn't just all happen.

Well, you see this here?

That's new.

Oh, that just happened.
Yep.

- You got insurance?
- Uh, yes, sir.

It's not gonna be easy to match my paint,
I can tell you that.

Oh, that shouldn't be too hard.
It looks like a standard grey.

Smoked silver.
Custom.

Smoked silver?
Oh.

Hm...

- You came for the surveillance tape?
- Yes, sir.

I promised the captain
I'd pick it up today.

Fine.

- Is everything all right?
- It's not serious. Help me get rid of him.

How do, ma'am?

Hey, look at the camera.
It's just like in a bank.

We have a lot of confidential data. In the
wrong hands, it could do a lot of harm.

- I hope this satisfies your captain.
- I hope so, too.

And thank you very much for this.

You're welcome.

Ooh, gee.

You know, while I'm here...

Maybe I'd better give you
the name of my insurance company.

I think it'd be easier if you just let
the production company handle it.

Oh, well, that's very nice.

Here are your notes for the policeman's
ball. They want your OK on it.

We're going, you know?
The wife and I.

Oh, yeah, she's already picked out
a new outfit. She's so excited.

Well, I'll see you
tomorrow evening, sir.

Hello, Ken. Quite a tan.
I don't think you've been working.

Hi, Jim.
Thanks for all that help.

Hello, ladies.

- Wade, how are you?
- I'm fine.

I haven't seen you
since the Bellaway Hotel.

Lieutenant?

That's quite a change.

Oh. Yeah.

It's my wife.
She made me wear it.

Uh, well, she's so excited.

I wondered, would you mind,
could I introduce you to her?

- Certainly. But we'll have to be quick.
- Yes, sir. Uh...

Gee, she was here a minute ago.

Uh...

That's all I heard on the way over.
I know, she's probably in the ladies' room.

Women always wanna
look their best.

When you find her, bring her over.
I look forward to meeting her.

Something wrong, Lieutenant?

It's your shirt, sir. It's so perfect.
There's not a wrinkle in it.

- What'd you pay for that?
- Well, I don't know. Maybe $300.

- Just for the shirt?
- The starch was extra.

It's Italian.

That's amazing, sir. Now, this shirt
I got on, it travelled just as far,

it only cost $29.95.

It's Korean.

Well, it's very nice. If you'll excuse me,
I've got to get to the table.

I don't wanna hold you up, sir.

Oh, Mr Anders?

- I know you'll wanna hear about this...
- Can this wait?

I realise this is not a good time
to bother you.

We found a film.

About a girl.

Holly?

She lives in Houston.

- Go on up to the table. I'll meet you there.
- All right, fine.

Lieutenant.

What were you saying
about some girl in Houston?

There was an audiotape in Budd Clarke's
car, his notes on information on a, uh...

a party film.

Isn't that what they're called, sir?
Holly Does Houston.

You do remember it,
don't you?

Why would you mention that
now and here?

You knew that Budd Clarke
had a copy of the film.

- How would I know that?
- Well, he came to see you.

Wait a minute.

You don't think that was the story
that he was working on, do you, sir?

Are you saying Budd Clarke
was planning to blackmail me?

It's a possibility.

What would that accomplish?

We all make mistakes.

I was very young
and it was a long time ago.

Oh, there you are.
Sorry, Lieutenant.

Wade, you're needed at the table.

Would you tell Ken
we'll be right there?

I would deem it a professional courtesy
if you'd not mention this to anyone else.

I understand, sir.

- Wade, you're holding up the entire party.
- I'm coming!

Sir...

Come on.

Hi, Judy. Dog ready?

I believe so, Lieutenant.
John, is Dog ready?

Ready to go.

- Hello, Lieutenant. How are you?
- I'm fine, John, just fine. You?

- We're just great. Here we go.
- Oh, get a look at you!

How good you look. You know, there's
not a dog in the place you couldn't have.

He don't look too happy.

Come on. Come on.
We gotta go now. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on!

- I think he's mad at me.
- He shouldn't be.

We gave him the royal treatment.
Herbal conditioner. Makes the skin soft.

When Mrs Columbo heard we had a
special, she said, "Give him the pedicure."

- The what?
- Is Sebastian ready yet?

Yeah. I'll go get her.
See you soon, Lieutenant.

Pedicure?

Oh, look. He's sulking.

I'll give you something you want.
You want a little beef?

There. Yeah.
Let me see your pedicure.

Oh. Oh.

That's nice.

Pedicure...

Hold this.

Hello.

- Hello?
- Frank?

I'll be at the station at four o'clock
to look at the surveillance tape.

- Then I want a photographer there.
- Photographer? You got it.

And tell the photographer
to bring the macro lens.

- Instead of the video?
- No, I want to look at the tape first.

Oh, right.

- What are we looking for, Lieutenant?
- Let's run it one more time.

Something's bothering me
and I just can't put my finger on it.

I don't know what you're looking for.
You've run it so many times...

I know, but...
maybe this time.

That's it.

OK, enough.

I saw all I need.

It's a wrap.
Let's pack up so we can get out of here.

Clear the set.

- Bring everything down.
- Get the cables out of the way.

Camera coming through.

- Watch it.
- Coming through.

That's fantastic.
Max, you did it.

Remind me to call the network.
I want this for the promo.

You got it.

A few of us are going out for food,
if you want to join us.

Count me in, I'm starved.

- Wade?
- You're starved and I'm tired.

I'm gonna do some work
and then I'll head on home.

- Come on.
- No, but thank you.

- All right. Good night.
- Good night.

- Good night, sir.
- Good work, Max.

I saw the tape.

Lieutenant?

You... saw the tape?

Yeah, I saw the surveillance tape
you gave me.

- And?
- I'd like you to see it, sir.

- I've already seen it, Lieutenant.
- You know, I kept looking at that tape,

couldn't figure out just what it was
that was bothering me.

There's nothing wrong with that tape.
I can assure you of that. I've seen it myself.

- I'd like you to see it again, sir.
- I don't need to see it.

I'm tired and I've got
a lot of work to do.

Mr Anders?

Mr Anders, there is something
you should see.

What is it that's bothering you?

Why don't you look for yourself,
then decide?

This better be worth my time.

If you would, sir.

It's perfectly fine,
just as I said.

It would appear that way, but if you could
just play it once again, sir.

There. Right there.

Stop there.

You see, sir, when you came in
the production office...

the hedges were neatly trimmed.

You claimed that was
Saturday morning.

Now it's seven hours later, you can tell
that by the clock, and you're leaving.

But it can't be Saturday night
because, look.

Look at the hedges.

Well, even my niece's green thumb
couldn't grow hedges that fast.

What are you driving at?

That you weren't in your production office
as you said at the time Mr Clarke died.

Have you ever seen
this kid before?

- I can't say I have.
- Have you seen the dog?

- No.
- Sure?

- How should I remember every dog I see?
- It's Budd Clarke's dog.

- How should I know that?
- You're sure you've never seen that dog?

I have never been
to Budd Clarke's house.

You have never been
to Clarke's house?

No. I have never been to Clarke's house.
I don't know where he lives.

You have never been to Clarke's house?
Are you sure of that?

- How many times do I have to answer?
- Frank!

Did you get that?

Yeah, I got it.

This is a real friendly dog.

Got a missing claw.

When we had that car accident
the other day in your parking lot,

I felt some scratches on the car door.
Didn't think too much about it.

But then I remembered that the first time
I went to Budd Clarke's house

this dog was all over my car,
made some scratches, nothing serious,

and the scratches on your car door

came to about the same place
as the scratches on mine.

Then it hit me.

We used a special magnifying lens.

See your car door?
Left paw, three scratches. Right, four.

My car door. Left, three scratches.
Right, four. Exactly the same.

So you see, sir.

You had to have been
at Mr Clarke's home.

A dog.

Man's best friend.

Least you got a good story
for a show.

Tune in to "Crimealert",
Tuesday at 9pm,

and see the capture of
Duke Dimarco and Barbara Baylor.

- No, I don't think so.
- ... on America's No.1 crime show.

But it will be for
the 11 o'clock news.

Remember, keep your eyes open
and stay alert.