All language subtitles for Boston Legal S01E01 Head Cases.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.20FOX

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER ONE TIME ♪

♪ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS
TOGETHER ONE TIME ♪

♪ MY, MY ♪

♪ HOW MY HEART HAS CHANGED ♪

♪ MY, MY ♪

♪ HOW MY HEART HAS CHANGED ♪♪

TARA.

HEY, I'M BRAD CHASE FROM D.C.

- ALAN SHORE.
- PLEASURE.

I THINK THAT'S MY SEAT.

YES. I DID SEE
SOMEONE'S THINGS HERE.

I MOVED THEM TO A LESS
DESIRABLE LOCATION.

I'M SORRY. WE'RE NOT TERRITORIAL ABOUT
THAT SORT OF THING AROUND HERE, ARE WE?

DENNY CRANE. YES, DENNY. I KNOW.

I RUN THE NEW YORK
OFFICE. PETER STONE? AH? OH.

- DENNY CRANE.
- I KNOW. I'M, UH, WITH CHICAGO.

MY KIND OF TOWN. ALWAYS HAD
THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE IN CHICAGO.

- WHAT ABOUT YOU?
- WELL, UM...

GREETINGS TOKYO, LONDON.

GOOD MORNING. MORNING, DENNY.

- BRAD CHASE. THERE YOU ARE, SOLDIER.
- HEY.

OH, EVERYBODY REMEMBERS
BRAD CHASE, I'M SURE. HELL, IF I DO...

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN. ALL
RIGHT, EVERYBODY, LOCK AND LOAD!

ITEM ONE... FORGET ITEM ONE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, DENNY, ITEM ONE IS A
RATHER URGENT MATTER THAT WE MUST DISCUSS.

- WHY DON'T YOU BRIEF US?
- GLADLY.

IF WE...

ITEM TWO. BECKERMAN
DISCOVERY? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

WELL, OPPOSING COUNSEL WAS
GRANTED THEIR MOTION TO COMPEL.

WHICH MEANS WE ARE NOW REQUIRED
TO TURN OVER ALL CORRESPONDENCE...

AND SCIENTIFIC STUDIES.

HMM. WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WE
BURNED BEFORE THE JUDGE'S ORDERS?

- WE DIDN'T BURN ANY DOCUMENTS.
- WELL, SURE WE DID.

DO IT TODAY.

ALL RIGHT, NIGEL. KEEP
GOING. WE'RE LISTENING.

UH, IF WE DON'T...

- ITEM THREE.
- DAMN IT. THIS IS NOT A WAY
TO CONDUCT A STAFF MEETING.

WHERE THE HELL IS EDWIN?

SORRY I'M LATE, GOOD PEOPLE.

IS IT CASUAL MONDAY?

EDWIN, EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

HUNKY-DORY.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE FINE,
MR. POOLE. UNBELIEVABLE.

NOT REALLY. ALWAYS
FIGURED HIM FOR A LOON.

TARA! WHERE'S TARA?

I NEED TARA!

I'M RIGHT HERE, EDWIN.

OH, THANK YOU. YOU
HAVE TO CONTACT BILL.

I... I WILL, EDWIN. I PROMISE.
APOLOGIZE FOR MY DELAY.

THEN CALL MY WIFE. TELL HER I'VE HAD
A SMALL BREAKDOWN. NOT TO WORRY.

OF COURSE. O-OH, MY GOODNESS.
I HAVE THE BRANT APPEAL.

I HAVE THE BRANT APPEAL!
RELAX, EDWIN. WE'LL HANDLE IT.

DENNY, GUESS WHAT. I'M
DUE IN COURT WITH TARA.

WE'RE ON IT. DON'T YOU WORRY.

YOU JUST GET BETTER. OKAY.

DEMAGNETIZE HIS PARKING
PASS. I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I KNOW WHEN A MAN HAS GONE. DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE THIS CASE WITHOUT A COPILOT?

WELL, I... N-N...
WHO'S THE JUDGE?

RESNICK. HE'S A SCHMUCK.

ALAN, BACK TARA UP. SHE'S
BEFORE SCHMUCK RESNICK.

SEE IF YOU CAN GET
A DAMN CONTINUANCE.

COMING THROUGH, PLEASE.
BRAD, YOU GOT A FEW MINUTES?

ACTUALLY, NO. I'VE GOT AN
EARLY SHUTTLE. GET A LATER ONE.

I NEED SOME FACE
TIME. WHAT'S UP?

EDWIN POOLE WAS THE ONLY ONE HERE
ABLE TO REIN IN DENNY CRANE. WITHOUT HIM...

IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO GO
WHERE I THINK YOU'RE GOING...

WE NEED YOU BACK IN BOSTON
MORE THAN IN D.C., BRAD.

LORI, ERNIE DELL JUST CAME IN. HE'S UPSET
ABOUT SOMETHING. I SENT HIM TO YOUR OFFICE.

- MY OFFICE?
- YEAH, THE ALTERNATIVE
WOULD BE DENNY'S OFFICE.

AND NOBODY HERE WANTS THAT.
EXCUSE ME. I NEED A LAWYER.

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER. SHE TRIED
OUT FOR THE NATIONAL TOUR OF ANNIE.

AND SHE WAS THE BEST ONE. AND SHE
WAS PASSED OVER BECAUSE SHE WAS BLACK.

IT'S DISCRIMINATION. IT'S
BIGOTRY. IT'S PREJUDICE.

AND WE WANT JUSTICE.

♪♪ ♪♪

♪ UH-HUH ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ COME ON ♪

♪ COME ON ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ WELL, YEAH ♪

♪ WELL, YEAH ♪

♪ OUTLAW ♪♪

PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE.

BARING YOUR ASS TO 24 ATTORNEYS,
INCLUDING TWO OVERSEAS...

THAT IS AN
UNPRECEDENTED TRIUMPH.

I'M JUST DISTRAUGHT I
DIDN'T THINK OF IT MYSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU?

NO, I DO NOT.

EXCUSE ME. SORRY TO
INTERRUPT. BRAD CHASE.

I'VE BEEN ASKED TO STAY,
WHICH I'M CONSIDERING.

BUT I'M CONCERNED THAT YOU AND I
HAVE GOTTEN OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT.

I LIKE TO BE STRAIGHT UP WITH
PEOPLE. IF THERE'S AN ISSUE...

OR CONFLICT, LET'S ADDRESS
IT HEAD-ON IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I HAVE TROUBLE
TALKING THAT FAST.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN
BEING STRAIGHT UP.

BUT I'M A BIG FAN OF YOUR
AQUA VELVA COMMERCIALS.

THERE'S A POTENTIAL CLIENT IN THE CONFERENCE
ROOM. I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET WITH HER.

OH, FORGOT TO
MENTION... I OUTRANK YOU.

DO YOU? AND I'M SUCH A SLUT
FOR AUTHORITY. ALL RIGHT.

YOU THINK THE TWO LITTLE BOYS...

COULD GET OFF THE
PLAYGROUND NOW?

- "KISS TODAY."
- I DON'T WANT TO SING.

YOU NEED TO PRACTICE.
YOU WANT TO MAKE JUILLIARD?

"KISS TODAY."

♪ KISS TODAY GOOD-BYE ♪

- OH, MY.
- NEVER MIND, "OH, MY."

SHE SINGS LIKE A
SPARROW. HERE, LOOK.

I'VE GOT THESE PRODUCER NOTES
WHICH I WAS ABLE TO GET AHOLD OF...

BECAUSE OF MY OWN
PERSONAL INGENUITY.

SAYS SHE HAS THE MOST TALENT.
YOU CAN READ IT FOR YOURSELF.

I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE
MISTAKE. I DON'T DO MUSICAL COMEDY.

ANNIE'S A DRAMA.

IT'S FULL OF SUSPENSE ON WHETHER A
LITTLE GIRL GETS TO LIVE WITH THE RICH GUY.

IT'S DRAMATIC.

CAN I HELP YOU? YES. I NEED TO
SPEAK TO EDWIN POOLE IMMEDIATELY.

- I'M AFRAID MR. POOLE
HAS STEPPED OUT...
- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS AN URGENT MATTER.
WHERE THE HELL IS EDWIN POOLE?

HI. IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO TO HELP? YES.

MY EX-HUSBAND IS TRYING TO
TAKE MY CHILDREN FROM ME. OKAY.

AND EDWIN POOLE... HE
MISSED MY HEARING TODAY.

AND I'VE BEEN CALLING
HIS CELL PHONE, AND...

I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON AROUND HERE?

EXCUSE ME. I'M BRAD CHASE. WE'RE
GONNA TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR YOU.

NOW WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A SEAT IN THE
CONFERENCE ROOM? I'LL GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

HEY. YEAH?

I WAS HANDLING IT.
I THOUGHT I'D HELP.

THAT'S NICE. BUT
AGAIN, I WAS HANDLING IT.

- WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU
THAT I'M TRYING TO HELP?
- MAYBE BECAUSE YOU FEEL...

I CAN'T DEAL WITH A CLIENT ON MY
OWN. I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL.

THEN I GUESS I REALLY HAVE NO
IDEA WHAT YOU FEEL. I GUESS NOT.

AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO
BE MY FAULT? WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU TWO HAVE HAD SEX.

I'M SORRY. WE'RE NOT TERRITORIAL ABOUT
THAT SORT OF THING AROUND HERE, ARE WE?

IF YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO TELL ME...

I WOULD PREFER TO TELL
DENNY. WHERE THE HELL IS HE?

ERNIE, YOU AND I HAVE DONE
BUSINESS FOR A LONG TIME.

AND WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN
ABLE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER.

IF I'M TO HELP YOU HERE...

MY WIFE IS CHEATING ON ME.

UH... AND...

SHE INFORMED ME THAT SHE HAS BEEN
CHEATING ON ME FOR OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE.

IT'S BEEN A FRAUD FROM DAY ONE.

OKAY. FIRST, YOU'VE ONLY
BEEN MARRIED SINCE AUGUST.

SECOND, YOU'VE HAD FIVE OTHER
MARRIAGES DISSOLVE EACH...

BUT THIS... THIS
WAS THE REAL THING.

WHAT'S THE GOAL?
TO GET HER BACK?

UH, I'D LIKE TO PUT A PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR ON HER. GET SOME PROOF.

IF SHE'S ADMITTED...
THE GOAL BEING...

TO GET SOME COMPROMISING
PICTURES TO USE AS LEVERAGE.

IN HOPES OF...

NEGOTIATING AN ANNULMENT.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY. AND I KNOW I'M
ONE OF THOSE OBNOXIOUS STAGE MOTHERS.

I GET THAT. BUT
SARAH WORKED HARD.

I'VE TRIED TO TEACH HER WHAT YOU EARN,
PEOPLE CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.

SHE'S EARNED THIS,
MR. SHORE. I HAVE NO DOUBT.

BUT YOU REALIZE PRODUCERS
DO HAVE DISCRETION.

AND THE ART OF CASTING STRIKES
ME AS A VERY INEXACT SCIENCE.

IF THEY KNEW THEY WERE GONNA GO
WHITE, WHY DID THEY LET HER TRY OUT AT ALL?

WHY DID THEY LET HER GET
HER HOPES UP? I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

SO THEY CAN PASS THEMSELVES OFF
AS EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYERS.

SO THEY CAN CLAIM
TO BE ABOUT DIVERSITY.

THEY WANT IT BOTH WAYS, MR. SHORE.
AND MY DAUGHTER GOT HURT.

THAT WAS OUR DEAL.

I WOULD WORK TWO JOBS, PUT
HIM THROUGH BUSINESS SCHOOL.

THEN HE WOULD PUT ME
THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL.

A WEEK AFTER HE GRADUATED, HE
GOT A JOB RUNNING A MUTUAL FUND.

AND A WEEK AFTER
THAT, HE LEFT ME.

OUR KIDS WERE FOUR THEN.

TWINS. SIMON AND HARRY.

THEY'RE EIGHT NOW.

OH, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL. THANKS.

IN THEIR PEEWEE-LEAGUE UNIFORMS.

YOU KNOW HE'S NEVER
SEEN ONE OF THEIR GAMES.

HE PAY YOUR WAY
THROUGH MED SCHOOL?

TAKE A WILD GUESS.

I DON'T CARE THOUGH.
I'VE GRADUATED NOW.

I'VE GOT A RESIDENCY WAITING
FOR ME IN NEW YORK CITY.

BUT MATTHEW WON'T LET ME
TAKE THE BOYS OUT OF STATE.

SAYS HE WANTS THEM CLOSE BY,
THESE BOYS HE SEES ONCE A MONTH.

IT'S NOTHING BUT SPITE.

NOW, LOOK, WE'RE GOING
TO RESCHEDULE A HEARING.

I'M SURE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO WORK
OUT FINE. YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT.

IF I'M NOT AT COLUMBIA PRESBYTERIAN
8:00 A.M. MONDAY MORNING,

THEY WILL GIVE MY SPOT AWAY.

THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. I HAVE WORKED
TOO HARD TO BUILD A LIFE FOR THESE BOYS.

- WE CAN'T TAIL THE WIFE.
- THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS, DENNY.

CAN'T DO IT. NOT ETHICAL.

SHE'S A CLIENT TOO.

WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST IS WE SEND A LETTER
OF WITHDRAWAL TO END-RUN THE CONFLICT.

GET AN OPINION LETTER OF OUTSIDE
COUNSEL... I DON'T WANT TO TAIL THE WIFE.

DENNY, I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOU THAT
ERNIE DELL IS ONE OF OUR BIGGEST CLIENTS.

IF HE WANTS A PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR, WHAT'S THE REAL HARM?

THE HARM WOULD
BE TO ME. I'M SORRY?

I'M THE ONE SLEEPING
WITH HIS WIFE.

DENNY IS HAVING AN
AFFAIR WITH THE WOMAN?

I'VE GOT A SENIOR PARTNER
SAYING DON'T TAIL HER.

I'VE GOT A CLIENT
WANTING SNAPSHOTS.

WHAT DO I DO, PAUL?

CONVINCE ERNIE THAT THE PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR IDEA IS A BAD ONE.

OH, SURE.

YOU HAVE ENORMOUS
PERSUASIVE SKILLS, LORI.

- YOU'RE HANDLING ME.
- I AM.

AND I NEED YOU TO HANDLE ERNIE.

I WILL HANDLE DENNY.

TARA? HI.

DON'T BE OFFENDED BY THIS.

I KNOW YOU'RE A GREAT LAWYER
WITH EXCEPTIONAL LEGAL SKILLS.

AND? I NEED YOU TO
FLIRT WITH ERNIE DELL.

EXCUSE ME? THE MAN IS A
PROFOUND SKIRT CHASER.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
YOUR SKIRT? OKAY, LOOK.

MEN SOMETIMES FIND ME ATTRACTIVE.
FROM TIME TO TIME, THEY'LL EVEN HIT ON ME.

IT'S ALL DEEPLY
REWARDING. BUT YOU...

WHAT ME? YOU'RE HOT.

YEAH. KIND OF... NASTY HOT.

MEN WOULD LEAVE
THEIR WIVES FOR YOU.

AND I NEED TO MAKE ERNIE FORGET
ABOUT HIS WIFE SO... IF YOU THINK THAT I...

DON'T MAKE ME PULL RANK. YOU CAN FILE
YOUR SEXUAL HARASSMENT CLAIM TOMORROW.

BUT TODAY... NOW... YOU
NEED TO MEET WITH ERNIE.

IT SEEMS THE CLIENT CAN'T PAY.

SO THE FIRM WILL HAVE TO EAT THE
COST OF PROSECUTING THIS MATTER.

I'M SURE THE PARTNERS
WON'T OBJECT...

WHEN THEY HEAR THAT IT WAS
A CASE YOU ASSIGNED TO ME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL PAY THE
COST OF PROSECUTING THE CASE.

MMM. OF COURSE IF YOU
WERE A BETTING MAN...

YOU WIN, I PAY.
YOU LOSE, YOU PAY.

BIT OF A GAMBLE, I REALIZE.

I'LL PAY DOUBLE.

YOU GOT ANOTHER HEARING?
THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.

THE NOT-SO-GOOD NEWS IS
WE PROBABLY WON'T WIN IT.

BUT IT AT LEAST GIVES US LEVERAGE
TO GET YOUR EX-HUSBAND IN A ROOM.

WA-WAIT. WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE WANT TO TAKE A
SHOT AT A SETTLEMENT.

NOW IF YOUR EX CARES ANYTHING
ABOUT THESE KIDS, THEN...

HE DOESN'T. THIS IS
ALL ABOUT GETTING ME.

HAVE I NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT
THAT? HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE KIDS.

I'VE DEALT WITH BAD
EX-HUSBANDS BEFORE.

MR. CHASE, NO OFFENSE, BUT YOU
HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH THIS ONE.

TRUST ME.

THIS IS LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE FOR GOD'S
SAKE. IF SHE DOESN'T LOOK THE PART...

I DIDN'T REALIZE WE DID RACIAL
PROFILING FOR OUR COMIC STRIPS.

THESE ARE PRIVATE INVESTORS.
THERE IS NO STATE ACTION INVOLVED.

HOW WOULD THE STORY
CHANGE IF ANNIE WERE BLACK?

- YOUR HONOR, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- COUNSEL, WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT ADOPTION HERE.

DADDY WARBUCKS ISN'T
THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER.

EXACTLY HOW WOULD THE STORY
CHANGE? LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE...

IS AN ICONIC CHARACTER
BASED... I WANT TO SEE HER.

EXCUSE ME?

THE GIRL WHO GOT THE
ROLE. I WANT TO COMPARE.

YOUR HONOR, IS THAT REALLY
FAIR TO THE OTHER LITTLE GIRL?

WELL, COUNSEL, IF SHE CAN
SING EIGHT TIMES A WEEK...

IN FRONT OF 3,000-PLUS PEOPLE A
NIGHT, SHE CAN SING IN FRONT OF ME.

GET HER IN HERE.

I WANT THE PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.

THE THING IS, ERNIE, THE PHOTOGRAPHS
WILL HAVE NO LEGAL RELEVANCE.

THEY CAN'T FACILITATE
AN ANNULMENT.

I AM THE CUSTOMER HERE, LORI.

CUSTOMER ISN'T ALWAYS RIGHT.

MAY I...

MAKE AN OBSERVATION?

I REALLY DON'T
KNOW YOU, MR. DELL,

BUT I SUSPECT THERE'S A REASON WHY ALL
THESE YOUNGER WOMEN WANT TO MARRY YOU.

- IT'S CALLED MONEY.
- YOU'RE WRONG.

IT'S CALLED POWER.

AND YOU DERIVE A LOT OF THAT POWER
NOT JUST FROM BEING HANDSOME AND SEXY,

BUT FROM BEING DIGNIFIED.

HIRING A PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR IS BENEATH YOU.

THERE ARE MANY YOUNG,
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OUT THERE...

WHO WOULD LOVE
TO JUMP INTO YOUR...

WIFE'S PLACE.

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT...

YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK
AT THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY.

PAUL.

YOU AND I GO BACK
A LONG WAY, DENNY.

COMPLETELY MINDFUL OF THE FACT
THAT YOU HELPED BUILD THIS PLACE,

THE PARTNERS HERE WILL NOT ALLOW YOU
TO DISMANTLE IT WITH YOUR BUFFOONERY.

- WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
- I DON'T THINK YOU WANT
TO HEAR ME SAY IT AGAIN.

TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH THE WIFE
OF ONE OF OUR BIGGEST CLIENTS...

IT DISRESPECTS BOTH
ERNIE DELL AND THIS FIRM.

- WE HAVE OTHER CLIENTS.
- NOT LIKE ERNIE.

BUT YOUR POINT IS WELL TAKEN.

EVERYBODY IS FUNGIBLE.

LORI COLSON WON'T TAIL
MY WIFE. I WANT YOU TO DO IT.

ERNIE. I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.

GET IT DONE, DENNY.

DENNY, I'M HAVING A BIT
OF AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

I'VE ALWAYS PRIDED
MYSELF ON BEING,

WELL, NUTS.

BUT IN THIS FIRM, I FIND MYSELF
FALLING INTO THE SANE CATEGORY.

YOU THINK I'M NUTS, DO YOU?

ARE YOU SCARED?

SCARED?

WHAT WOULD I BE SCARED OF?

EDWIN POOLE IS A FRIEND. TO
SEE HIM JUST GO OFF THE HIGH DIVE.

EDWIN POOLE'S PROBLEM IS HE
DOESN'T LIKE BEING EDWIN POOLE.

FROM TIME TO TIME, HE'D
LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

AND ASK, "WHAT'S THE POINT?"

I NEVER DO THAT. QUESTIONS
LIKE THAT'LL KILL YOU.

QUESTIONS LIKE "WHAT'S THE
POINT?" LOOK. TAKE YOU FOR EXAMPLE.

TOMORROW, YOU'RE GONNA GO INTO COURT
AND ARGUE THAT SOME LITTLE FAT BLACK KID...

SHOULD BE ABLE TO PLAY
A LITTLE SKINNY WHITE ONE.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

YOU DON'T ASK. THAT'S THE POINT.

YOU GONNA WIN, BY THE WAY?

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW.

I'M AFRAID NOT.

THERE'S NO STATE ACTION.

WE'VE ASKED FOR A SPECIFIC PERFORMANCE
WITH NO CLEAR EVIDENCE OF DISCRIMINATION.

I DON'T LIKE LOSING, ESPECIALLY
WHEN THERE'S A WAGER INVOLVED.

WELL, DON'T, SOLDIER.

PULL A RABBIT OUT OF YOUR HAT.

THAT'S THE SECRET...

OF BOTH TRIAL LAW AND LIFE.

RABBITS? OH, YEAH.

GOOD MORNING.
CRANE, POOLE & SCHMIDT.

EXCUSE ME. I'M LOOKING FOR...

YOU, ACTUALLY.

ALL MY LIFE. MATTHEW.

- TARA.
- ALAN.

I HAD A GIRL WHO LOOKED
LIKE YOU ONCE. MARRIED HER.

NOW SHE LOOKS LIKE YOU.

WHERE THE HELL IS MY LAWYER?

IF YOU TOOK SUMMER,
PLUS WINTER BREAKS,

SPRING BREAK, HOLIDAY WEEKENDS,

YOU START TO GET PRETTY CLOSE
TO WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW.

- PASS.
- THAT'S TOO MUCH CUSTODY
FOR SUPER DAD.

IS THERE ANY
ACCEPTABLE SCENARIO...

THAT WOULD ALLOW FOR SHARON TO ENROLL IN
HER PROGRAM WITHOUT LEAVING THE BOYS BEHIND?

WE COULD EACH TAKE ONE.

EXCUSE ME?

LIKE THAT NAZI MOVIE WHERE THE
WOMAN HAS TO PICK WHICH KID TO KEEP.

SOPHIE'S CHOICE. THANK YOU.

ONLY THIS IS SHARON'S CHOICE. ONE GOES
WITH HER TO NEW YORK. I KEEP THE OTHER ONE.

- DONE.
- THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS.

THE BOYS LOVE EACH OTHER.
TH-THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS.

A LITTLE WEIRD, DON'T YOU THINK?

- LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN WE SPLIT 'EM UP.
- STOP DOING THIS!

YOU HAVE ALREADY SCARRED YOUR
CHILDREN ENOUGH TO LAST A LIFETIME!

IMAGINE HOW THAT
FEELS TO A LITTLE BOY...

KNOWING THAT THEIR FATHER COULD
CARE LESS WHETHER HE SEES THEM OR NOT!

AND YET IF IT MEANS DENYING
ME SOMETHING THAT I WANT,

SOMETHING THAT I DESERVE,
SOMETHING THAT THIS FAMILY NEEDS,

SUDDENLY YOU'RE A...
YOU'RE A CONCERNED FATHER!

- DAMN YOU!
- AND WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS, HUH?

WHAT FREAKISH NIGHTMARE DID I STEP
INTO THAT TURNED MY WIFE, WHO WAS HOT,

WHO HAD SEX WITH ME, WHO
LIKED TO GO OUT WITH ME AT NIGHT,

INTO SOME EARTH MOTHER,
WORLD-RECORD-SETTING BREAST FEEDER?

AND NOW YOU WANT TO LEAVE YOUR KIDS
WITH SOME NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING NANNY...

FOR A HUNDRED HOURS A WEEK SO
YOU CAN LIVE OUT YOUR ER FANTASY LIFE?

BE MY GUEST. BUT
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM...

THAT YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO
GET HIRED ANYWHERE IN THE ENTIRE STATE.

DENNY,

DID YOU HIRE THAT P.I. YET?

I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

TRUTH BE TOLD, MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH THIS FIRM HANGS IN THE BALANCE.

- UH, ERNIE, WHY DON'T WE
STEP INTO MY OFFICE?
- I'M TALKING TO DENNY.

ALL RIGHT, ERNIE.

TRUTH TIME. MY OFFICE.

THIS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY FOR
YOU TO HEAR, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE SAID.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHO
SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE.

NEITHER DO YOU REALLY.
YOU DON'T LOVE HER.

THIS IS AN EGO THING.
SHE'S A TROPHY GIRL.

SOMETHING FOR YOUR
FRIENDS TO ADMIRE.

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE FLATTERED.
- I'M NOT...

I'M TALKING! EGO, ERNIE.

YOU ACQUIRE FAST
CARS AND YOUNG WIVES...

TO TRY AND STAY YOUNG YOURSELF IN THE
HOPE OF CONFUSING YOUTH WITH RELEVANCE.

WELL, HERE'S A FLASH FOR YOU.

WE'RE ALL DESPERATE
TO BE RELEVANT.

YOU'RE 76 YEARS OLD.

WANT TO FEEL YOU
STILL MEAN SOMETHING?

MOVE TO FLORIDA, PUNCH A
CHAD, SCREW UP AN ELECTION.

DON'T GO LOOKING
FOR AFFIRMATION...

BETWEEN THE TWO ARTIFICIAL JUGS
OF A WOMAN WHO MARRIED YOU FOR...

GEE, COULD IT BE YOUR
OUTSTANDING SENSE OF HUMOR?

TAKE A SWING IF YOU WANT
TO, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.

THE GUARDIAN AD LITEM
ACKNOWLEDGED IN HER REPORT...

IN THE LAST YEAR, MR. CALDER TOOK CUSTODY
OF THE BOYS ONLY ONE WEEKEND A MONTH.

MR. CALDER HAS BEEN STEEPED IN A
MAJOR WORK CRISIS AT HIS COMPANY.

I DON'T CARE IF HE'S BEEN
DISMANTLING A NUCLEAR WEAPON.

THE FACT IS HE
HASN'T BEEN THERE.

THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT MY CLIENT IS,
IN PRACTICE, THE PRIMARY CUSTODIAN.

THIS WOMAN IS STRUGGLING
TO MAKE A LIFE FOR A FAMILY...

WHAT? SHE CAN'T MAKE
IT IN THE COMMONWEALTH?

SHE'D LOVE TO, BUT THE OFFER COMES FROM NEW
YORK. MY CLIENT HAS MADE EVERY SACRIFICE.

THAT'S WHAT PARENTS
DO, MR. CHASE.

YOU HAVE KIDS, YOU MAKE
SACRIFICES. THEY GOT MARRIED HERE.

THEY HAD CHILDREN HERE.

MR. CALDER, AS FATHERS GO,

I CONSIDER YOU A DISGRACE.

MS. BRANT, THERE IS A
REASON FOR THIS POLICY.

WE DON'T LIKE ANGRY SPOUSES
YANKING KIDS ACROSS STATE LINES.

IT'S AN UNDUE BURDEN
ON THE FAMILY UNIT.

ACCORDINGLY, YOUR PLAN...

TO RELOCATE WITH YOUR
SONS REMAINS ENJOINED.

WHAT NOW? I DON'T KNOW.

I, UH... I GUESS THAT
DIDN'T GO TOO WELL.

♪ I'M STUCK WITH A DAY
THAT'S GRAY AND LONELY ♪

♪ I JUST STICK OUT MY CHIN ♪

♪ AND GRIN AND SAY ♪

♪ OH, TOMORROW, TOMORROW ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, TOMORROW ♪

♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS A DAY AWAY ♪

- THANK YOU. THAT WAS...
- ♪ TOMORROW, TOMORROW ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, TOMORROW ♪

♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS A DAY ♪

♪ AWAY ♪♪

THAT WAS GREAT.

SARAH, THAT WAS MAGNIFICENT.

BUT THE OTHER LITTLE
GIRL WAS QUITE GOOD TOO.

AND GIVEN THE DISCRETION
THAT HAS TO BE ALLOWED...

TO PRODUCERS IN
THESE SITUATIONS...

YOUR HONOR, WE HAVE SOMETHING
CALLED THE EQUAL PROTECTION CLAUSE.

WE HAVE SOMETHING
CALLED THE 14th AMENDMENT.

I BELIEVE IT'S ACTUALLY REQUIRED READING
FOR JUDGES. I COULD BE WRONG THERE.

COULD I BE HEARD, YOUR HONOR?

I HEARD ABOUT THIS MATTER. I WOULD LIKE
TO ADDRESS THIS COURT ON WHAT I CONSIDER...

I'M SORRY, REVEREND, BUT
YOU HAVE NO STANDING HERE.

I HAVE STANDING AS
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN...

SPEAKING UP ON A
CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATION.

- REV. SHARPTON, I WILL ASK YOU...
- I HAVE STANDING
AS BOBBY KENNEDY HAD STANDING...

YOU HAVE NO STANDING. ON THE
STEPS OF THE COURTHOUSE IN ALABAMA!

NO ONE IS DENYING THIS LITTLE GIRL AN
EDUCATION, SIR. SHE JUST CAN'T PLAY ANNIE.

YOU MAY THINK THIS
IS A SMALL MATTER.

BUT THIS IS NO SMALL MATTER.

THIS CHILD IS BEING DENIED THE
RIGHT TO PLAY AN AMERICAN ICON...

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T
MATCH THE DESCRIPTION.

THOSE DESCRIPTIONS
WERE CRAFTED 50 YEARS AGO!

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE IN A DIFFERENT DAY!

- REVEREND...
- YOU TALK ABOUT RACIAL EQUALITY,
HOW WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS.

THE PROBLEM WITH THAT
PROGRESS IS IT'S ALWAYS A DAY AWAY.

TOMORROW, TOMORROW...
YOU LOVE THAT,

BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS A DAY AWAY.

I'M HERE TO STICK OUT
MY CHIN TODAY! TODAY!

GIVE US AN
AFRICAN-AMERICAN SPIDER-MAN!

GIVE US A BLACK THAT CAN RUN
FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET...

AND LEAP OVER TALL
BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND.

NOT TOMORROW... TODAY!

TODAY! THE SUN NEEDS
TO COME OUT TODAY!

NOT TOMORROW, YOUR HONOR!

GOD ALMIGHTY. GIVE THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE A BLACK ORPHAN ANNIE.

IT'S JUST NOT GOOD
ENOUGH TO SAY...

SHE DOESN'T LOOK THE PART.

THAT'S WHAT WE
CALL A RABBIT, SON.

DENNY CRANE.

WHAT IF WE FILE A T.R.O. IN FEDERAL
COURT ON BEHALF OF THE KIDS?

ON WHAT GROUNDS? I DON'T
KNOW. THEY'VE BEEN DENIED...

A RIGHT TO INTERSTATE TRAVEL.

IT'S DUBIOUS.

BUT I LIKE YOUR THINKING.

COME HERE FOR A SECOND.

LOOK...

I JUST...

I JUST NEED TO KNOW.

SALLY.

- BRAD.
- ALAN.

THE DEADBEAT DOESN'T EVEN
SEE HIS KIDS, DOESN'T KNOW THEM,

AND HE'S USING THEM AS WEAPONS
TO DESTROY HIS EX-WIFE AND THEM.

AND THAT'S WHY
YOU WERE SO UPSET?

THE CASE?

IT'S A LITTLE HARD, OKAY?

I... I PREFER HIM IN D.C.

MM-HMM.

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD START WORKING OUT
WITH WEIGHTS? MAYBE DO SOME CALISTHENICS?

- I'M TRYING TO,
LIKE, EXPRESS...
- YOU STILL LIKE HIM?

WELL, WHAT CONTEXT
ARE YOU ASKING AS, ALAN?

I MEAN, ARE YOU ASKING
AS LIKE A BOYFRIEND OR...

- I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO ASK QUESTIONS?
- AM I? ABOUT TARA?

WHAT ABOUT TARA?

NOTHING.

ANYWAY, HE LEFT.

I GOT VERY DEPRESSED, DRANK
A LOT, HIT ON TOO MANY BOYS.

UNTIL I MET THIS ONE BOY...

MAN...

DISTINGUISHED.

♪ I AM ♪
AND NOW I JUST...

♪ A BACKDOOR MAN ♪

OKAY. HOW SMALL IS
THE TOWN OF BOSTON?

- WHAT?
- THE DIRTBAG IS
RIGHT OVER THERE.

BRADLEY?

THE EX-HUSBAND.

REALLY TRYING TO
STRENGTHEN THAT FAMILY UNIT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST NEED TO USE...

YOUR THINGY FOR A SECOND.

CAN WE GET OUTTA HERE? I DON'T...
I DON'T WANNA LOOK AT THAT PIG.

OKAY.

♪ I AM ♪

♪ BACKDOOR MAN ♪

♪ I AM ♪
WE'RE OFF.

♪ A BACKDOOR MAN ♪♪

I TOLD HIM WE'RE ALL
DESPERATE TO BE RELEVANT.

WERE YOU ABLE TO
DISSUADE HIM? I THINK SO.

DENNY, DO YOU THINK YOU WERE...

TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF A LITTLE?

YOU FEELING A LITTLE DESPERATE
TO BE RELEVANT LATELY?

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME
TRYING TO GET IN MY HEAD.

THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
TAKE THE FIRM FROM YOU.

FIRST, PAUL LEWISTON
COULD NEVER GET THE VOTES.

SECOND, HE WOULDN'T
WANT TO. THE MAN LOVES YOU.

I'M NOT WORRIED, LORI.
DO I LOOK WORRIED?

YEAH. LOOK OUT THERE.

MY DOMAIN.

MY CITY.

I'M DENNY CRANE.

SIR, IF I COULD JUST GET YOUR NAME, I
WOULD BE HAPPY TO BUZZ MR. CALDER.

YOU'RE VERY KIND. BUT,
LOOK, I'M ALREADY HERE.

THERE'S A MEETING IN PROGRESS, AND
I'VE BEEN INSTRUCTED NOT TO DISTURB HIM.

HELLO, MATTHEW. SHAME.

QUITE HOPING TO INTERRUPT
SOMETHING TAWDRY. I'M ALAN SHORE.

YOUR COLLEAGUE AND I JUST MET.

BUT WE SEEM TO SHARE A PROCLIVITY
FOR EXOTIC WOMEN AND ILLICIT BEHAVIOR.

CAN I STEAL YOU A SECOND?

WHAT'S GOING ON? I'LL KEEP
IT QUICK. THESE ARE FOR YOU.

PHOTOS. SNAPSHOTS REALLY.

SOME DELIGHTFUL LITTLE BUSINESS BETWEEN YOU
AND A HOOKER. A FRIEND OF MINE ACTUALLY.

I EARN FREQUENT-FLYER
MILES. SHE'S A LOVELY WOMAN.

I ARRANGED FOR HER TO
SEEK YOU OUT AT THE BAR.

I PARTICULARLY LIKE
THAT ONE, DON'T YOU?

GIVES YOUR BOTTOM
A NICE... AURA.

HERE'S THE DEAL. SHARON AND
THE KIDS GET TO GO TO NEW YORK...

OR I START PRINTING COPIES.

IS THAT POWDERED
SUGAR, BY THE WAY,

THAT YOU'RE SNORTING OFF HER
MAGNIFICENT PORCELAIN BREASTS?

YOU ARE A LAWYER IN A PRESTIGIOUS
LAW FIRM FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I KNOW. AWFUL. I HATE
TO EXTORT AND RUN,

BUT I'M AFRAID I'LL NEED
AN ANSWER ON THIS NOW.

TARA, I NEED TO APOLOGIZE.

I KNOW HOW DEGRADING THAT
HAD TO BE WITH ERNIE. AND...

NOT AT ALL. IN FACT, I
SLEPT WITH HIM LAST NIGHT.

ANYTHING FOR THE TEAM. I
SUPPOSE I DESERVE THAT.

THIS WASN'T SO MUCH FOR
THE TEAM AS IT IS FOR DENNY.

THERE'S SOME STUFF
GOING ON... WHAT STUFF?

DENNY, I NEED ANOTHER MOMENT.

I WAS THINKING HOW RIGHT YOU ARE
NOT TO HIRE A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.

I THANK YOU FOR YOUR COUNSEL.

AFTER ALL, IT'S POSSIBLE THAT I MIGHT LEARN
SOMETHING THAT COULD UPSET ME EVEN FURTHER.

I HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.

DID YOU CONSIDER THAT, DENNY?

ERNIE, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO CONSIDER
ALL THE THINGS I HAVE TO CONSIDER.

MM-HMM. CAN WE SIT?

OH, PLEASE.

SEE, THE THING
IS, FOOL THAT I AM,

I WENT OUT AND
HIRED A P.I. ON MY OWN.

AND GUESS WHAT I
FOUND OUT, DENNY.

I'M NOT SURE, ERNIE.

BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT I'M BILLING
YOU FOR ALL THESE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS.

MY OWN LAWYER...

MY FRIEND...

WITH MY WIFE.

GEE, DENNY CRANE IS SILENT.

TALK TO ME ABOUT MY
QUEST FOR RELEVANCE, DENNY.

TELL ME ABOUT MY EGO.

COME UP WITH ONE LAST
PROFOUND THING TO SAY...

BEFORE I PULL THIS TRIGGER!

COME ON, DENNY, TALK. I WANT TO HEAR
WHAT THE GREAT DENNY CRANE HAS TO SAY NOW.

FIRST OFF,

CLIENTS COME IN HERE ALL
THE TIME WANTING TO SHOOT ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I
TELL THEM? GO AHEAD.

THE WORST THING ABOUT
GROWING OLDER, ERNIE?

YOU BEGIN TO SLIP.

ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP
AND YOU'RE "LESS THAN."

AND FOR ME... I'M
A LEGEND, ERNIE.

I'M FOLKLORE IN THIS TOWN.

LAWYERS HAVE
FEARED ME FOR YEARS.

FOR DENNY CRANE TO SLIP,
IT WOULD DIMINISH MY LEGACY.

IT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY.

DENNY CRANE HAS TO GO OUT BIG, PAGE
ONE OF THE GLOBE... NEW YORK TIMES EVEN.

DO ME A FAVOR, ERNIE.

PULL THE TRIGGER.
IMMORTALIZE THE LEGEND.

PULL THE TRIGGER.

I DON'T EVER WANT
TO BE "LESS THAN."

DON'T LET ME BECOME
IRRELEVANT. PULL IT!

OKAY.

BUT BEFORE I DO, DON'T YOU
AT LEAST WANT TO APOLOGIZE?

I DO.

I'M SORRY, MY FRIEND.

I'M TRULY SORRY.

ERNIE, UH...

THAT GUN... I BOUGHT
IT FOR YOU, REMEMBER.

IT'S A STARTER PISTOL, ERNIE.

IT'S A CONTROVERSY. THAT'S WHAT AL
SHARPTON DOES. AND HE DOES IT WELL.

HE DOESN'T JUST MAKE NOISE. HE LIGHTS
AND CARRIES A TORCH OF RACIAL CONTROVERSY.

MR. SHORE... WHICH YOU KNOW.
WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE HERE.

WE NEED TO PUT THIS
ONE OUT, GOOD PEOPLE.

CONTROVERSY IS BAD
BUSINESS FOR MUSICALS.

YOUR PRODUCTION WILL OPEN AND CLOSE
FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY "TRENT LOTT."

I ASSUME YOU'VE COME WITH
A PROPOSAL. LET'S HAVE IT.

SARAH?

- ♪ WHEN I'M STUCK WITH A DAY ♪
- OKAY.

WE'LL OFFER YOU THE ROLE
OF UNDERSTUDY ON WEEKENDS.

- PLUS THREE MATINEES A MONTH.
- DONE.

SARAH?

HE PULLED A GUN ON HIM. MM-HMM.

IT ONLY SHOT BLANKS, BUT, YEAH.

DRAMA'S OVER.

HOW DOES IT FEEL BEING BACK?

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. I'D
APPRECIATE AN HONEST ANSWER.

OKAY.

DO YOU THINK I TALK TOO FAST?

UM...

SOMETIMES YOU'RE A LITTLE BRISK.

I THINK IT'S GOOD BUSINESS PRACTICE,
NOT TO MENTION GOOD BUSINESS ETHICS.

WE CHARGE BY THE HOUR. OUR CLIENTS
PAY FOR THE TIME THAT WE SPEND TALKING.

AS ATTORNEYS, WE HAVE AN
OBLIGATION NOT TO OVERBILL OUR CLIENTS.

IF I TALK FAST, IT'S
JUST BECAUSE I FEEL...

ETHICALLY BOUND.

HE MAKES FUN OF ME. I'M SORRY?

SHORE.

HE THINKS I'M A KEN DOLL.

NO, IT'S NOT RIGHT. HE CALLS
ME A KEN DOLL WHILE HE...

PLAYS WITH YOUR BARBIE?

EXCUSE ME.

HI. SHARON.

I JUST... I JUST CAME
TO SAY THANK YOU.

NOT THAT I AGREE
WITH YOUR TACTICS.

BUT WHAT THIS MEANS TO
ME AND... AND MY CHILDREN...

WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS.

REMEMBER THAT BOOK, ONE
FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST?

YES.

IS THERE A POINT? OR DID YOU
JUST WANT TO KNOW IF I'D READ IT?

THERE YOU GO AGAIN,
ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A POINT.

MATTHEW CALDER JUST AGREED TO
LET HIS WIFE MOVE WITH THEIR CHILDREN.

FANTASTIC.

YOU GOT PICTURES OF HIM WITH
A HOOKER. YOU BLACKMAILED HIM.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND
UNSAVORY. LISTEN TO ME.

I KNOW HOW YOU PRACTICE LAW.
I DON'T PRACTICE LAW LIKE THAT.

IT WAS A RABBIT.
WELL, REALLY A BUNNY.

MARINES DON'T LIKE BUNNIES?

YOU KNOW THE ONLY REASON I
DON'T REPORT YOU TO THE BAR...

IS BECAUSE SHARON MIGHT NOT BE ABLE
TO GO TO NEW YORK WITH HER CHILDREN,

WHICH, SHOCKINGLY, IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN OUR COMBINED ETHICAL EGOS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, SPORT?

YOU AND I NOW...

OFFICIALLY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

GREAT. PERHAPS WE CAN GET
TOGETHER AND DO A COUPLE OF PUSH-UPS,

SPORT.

HOOKER RABBITS.

I LOVE IT.

YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER ANSWERED
MY QUESTION THE OTHER NIGHT.

WHICH WAS?

ARE YOU SCARED?

THE ONLY THING TO BE
SCARED OF, SON, IS TOMORROW.

I DON'T LIVE FOR TOMORROW.

NEVER SAW THE FUN IN IT.

DENNY CRANE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

NOTHING.

HERE'S TO NO TOMORROWS.

♪ YOU BETTER NOT LOOK DOWN ♪

♪ IF YOU WANNA KEEP ON FLYING ♪

♪ PUT THE HAMMER DOWN
AND KEEP IT FULL SPEED AHEAD ♪

♪ YOU CAN KEEP IT MOVIN'
IF YOU DON'T LOOK DOWN ♪♪

♪ UH-HUH ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ COME ON ♪

♪ COME ON ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ WELL, YEAH ♪

♪ WELL, YEAH ♪

♪ OUTLAW ♪♪

YOU STINKER!