Original subtitles

So bad, because I love your cock.

Baby...

A butterfly!

Lick me!

Look how hard I get just from turning on the camera.

I want to suck your dick.

"You'll go no more, lovely butterfly!"

Such a sweet cunt.

Come, I want to suck your cock.

Suck it, my Messalina!

- Emi, are you sleeping? - Yes, leave us alone!

- Take it all in. - Don't forget to fill my prescription.

At the pharmacy!

The little one hasn't sanitised and she's touching her toys!

- Send her to bed, it's late. - Let her play!

Just go.

Don't say I didn't tell you!

I want you to fuck me!

- Shit, get back up! - Let me suck it again.

It will get hard in my cunt.

Get the fuck in!

Fuck me, don't play around!

- Your ass is killing me. - Like that.

Harder!

I love it when you fuck me.

I adore you!

I'm your slut! Harder!

Fuck me!

Come inside, shoot it all in!

BAD LUCK BANGING OR LOONY PORN

a sketch for a popular film

"No one understands that the world is sinking on the ocean of Time"

"that is so very deep and infested"

"with those huge crocodiles called decrepitude and death."

Part I One-way street

I'm done with the "We will never forget you".

So arrogant.

- What else, then? - No idea.

How about "We'll try to never forget you"?

Or at least "sometimes".

We had an apprentice last year.

- That idiot? - Yes. He took an order.

A wreath with a ribbon reading "Rest in peace" on both sides.

So he wrote on it: "Rest in peace on both sides"!

- How much? - 20 lei.

Here.

Thanks.

Have a good day!

My Jesus

Hello.

- Mrs. Cănuță? - Yes, she's inside.

Who's that?

- Nice mask. - Thank you.

- Emi! - Hello.

Thank you so much!

- Freckles! - Yes, dear.

- Put these in water. - Over there.

Come on in.

- Hi. - Hello.

Have a seat.

Right.

We were never friends.

The dog was a Secret Service officer.

A Major, higher in rank than his trainer.

It made everyone on set laugh.

- I was afraid to feed him. - Why?

He weighed 42 kilos. I was just a kid.

She doesn't smell that bad. She's your grandma!

- It could be the last time you see her. - Take off your mask!

See if she's alright.

She's throwing up!

- You clean it! - Let all the bad stuff out.

- Good girl. - I should go.

No, let's go to the balcony.

- Freckles, some coffee! - Sure.

She smells terrible, she can't hold it in anymore.

I almost think she would be better off...

I wanted to talk about the meeting.

It's out of my hands. The parents called the meeting.

The ladies are served! Freckled coffee!

- How sweet. - Thank you.

They got meeting-crazy, despite the social distancing rules.

- Once they get a stupid idea — - That's just it.

The more idiotic an opinion, the more important it is.

Tight shoes hurt more than good ones.

I wanted to —

— to say the video has been taken down.

- I didn't upload it. - I know.

Can you prove it was uploaded by the guys at the repair shop?

The IT people are notorious wankers.

I knew you wouldn't expose yourself on the Internet.

I can't prove it.

Actually, Eugen uploaded it.

Eugen? What got into him?

I gave him hell for it, but...

Coffee?

We'll discuss it, see what happens next.

I think it's good to explain things to the parents.

We don't want a scandal or media hubbub.

Eat my cunt!

- I think Ladybug is real. - Bumblebee is even more real!

- How do you know? - Anca told me so.

Bye-bye, Mall! We'll come again!

Anca told me so.

Fuck off!

Is she asleep yet?

I told you I have a parent-teacher meeting.

I don't know.

Tell her I'm buying her a toy.

Eugen will pick her up later.

Has she eaten?

Did you keep your mask on?

I asked you to keep your mask on around her.

Spare me.

Has she watched TV?

I'll return something.

- How much is this? - 5,99 lei.

Let me see what I can give up.

Make up your mind, we're all waiting.

I paid with meal tickets and they won't cover it.

We don't care.

Hurry up, it's not our fault.

Is it my fault I'm poor?

You think I'm happy when I can't even afford a beer?

Not all of us are swimming in money.

Seriously!

Then stand aside and go boo-hoo about how poor you are.

- Let me finish. - Will you give me my life back?

Besides, we were six in line,

and you should open a checkout if there's more than four.

And you wear your mask pulled down!

- Leave her alone! - Fuck off.

File a complaint, it's not my fault.

It's never anyone's fault! We're all innocent.

- You're blocking the sidewalk. - I know.

Please park somewhere else.

Five minutes, I'm waiting for someone.

So wait off the sidewalk.

- Or I'll call the police. - Really?

Who will you call if I fuck your mother?

- I'm being polite. - I don't want to be polite!

Suck my cock and write your mum.

Fuck off before I spit in your informer mug.

Go fuck yourself, wanker!

Suck my dick!

You can't even afford a car! Go call the police!

Fuck your broke ass.

Zipper repair

I like it deep

Hello.

What?

Wait, there's an ambulance.

Just a sec, Eugen.

What?

It's online again? You took it down!

On PornHub again?

On a blog?

So someone saved it and reuploaded it?

What can we do?

- Let's call the police. - Fucking jackpot!

Way to go!

Did you contact the blogger?

Let me know if he replies.

What?

Is it the whole film?

All of it? I see.

I told the headmistress you uploaded it.

Just so you cover for me in case someone calls you.

Bye.

Vote our team.

They've been increasing the Intelligence budget

and slashing budgets for Education, Culture, and Health.

True, Mr. Sergiu.

And why won't anyone make a film about those children?

- What children? - The ones in the transplant scandal.

How can a celebrity do that?

Cut in front of dying children on the transplant waiting list?

Who are we to judge?

They let children die so they could live!

Maybe we'd do the same.

- I, for one, wouldn't. - You never know.

When I was little, in my grandma's village —

Mask on your muzzle, please!

A dam broke.

People were running from the rushing water.

No one cared about anyone else.

That's completely different.

In the rush of a flood, you lose your reason.

A transplant gives you time to think.

You think anyone told them

"Here's your kidney, here's the kid who will die"?

They got paid and made the appointment.

"Maestro, come now, we have a compatible kidney."

"I'll stop by my church first to have the priest bless me."

By Antim.

A Xanax, please.

- Prescription? - I just want one pill.

I'm in a stressful situation and I need to calm down.

I'm not allowed to. I can give you something plant-based.

It's scientifically proven incense combats cancer.

And no one got COVID from the Eucharist spoon.

It carries no bacteria, it's a mystery.

Sweet lady!

- I'm here to fill your sails! - Leave me alone!

Please, from a wandering sailor.

Leave me alone, what's wrong with you?

Leave me alone!

Hello.

Can't you ask again?

How did he get the pictures, though?

So how —

"Porn Teacher"? Great.

Do something, they could fire me!

I wasn't yelling, Eugen.

I never said it was your fault.

Don't get paranoid.

Bye.

Edgar Lee Masters' Spoon River Anthology!

- Yes. - So timely for this pandemic. 15 lei.

Do you know Charles Reznikoff?

He has a huge poetry book, Testimony,

a sort of anthology of all the horrors of the late...

...late 19th century.

Sounds interesting. Can I see it?

No, I don't... have it here.

But if you'd like, we can...

- Tomorrow... - No need, thank you.

- Over a coffee? - No, thanks.

I'm on the fucking crossing!

Fuck off, faggot, I'll run you over!

It's a pedestrian crossing, twerp!

- So run me over! - Fuck off, asshole!

Listen, man.

In '87, a worker spread around 800 anti-Communist manifestos.

Every single one got reported to the Secret Police.

"I think it's metabolic, it's not what she eats."

"Nonsense," said the doctor.

"Have you seen pictures from Yemen or Somalia?"

"Or of the survivors of the camps at Auschwitz or Treblinka?"

"Yes, I saw photos."

"And did you see any fat people there?"

- What's that on your t-shirt? - A kamikaze, a Japanese pilot.

The ones with the suicide missions.

The tokkÅ

University students were forced to become kamikaze.

The ones in Sciences could get out of it,

the ones in Humanities were considered disposable.

- So I'd be safe with Economy. - Try Computer Science to be sure.

Part II Short dictionary of anecdotes, signs, and wonders

[23rd of August]

As Romania ended its alliance with Nazi Germany

to join the Allies on August 23rd 1944,

a newspaper prepared two issues.

The headline of one read "Long live Stalin!"

The other one, "Long live Hitler!"

[Aboriginies]

Persons of little worth who burden the soil of newly discovered countries.

They soon cease to burden;

they fertilize.

[Truth]

truth itself stepped / among men,

right into the / metaphor-flurry

[Military]

The Romanian Military was one of the means of repression against civilians:

in the 1848 Revolution, the 1907 Peasants' Revolt,

ethnic and political persecution after World War I,

the extermination of Roma and Jews during World War II,

and the shooting of the first revolutionaries in 1989.

[Blonde jokes]

E.g.: A nudist blonde is surprised by a bull.

After a while, she grows tired and says:

I'd rather have a calf than a heart attack.

[Money]

Money, bitch!

[Bookshelf]

Out of the libraries Emerge the butchers

[The Romanian Orthodox Church]

Close to all dictatorships,

the Church is one of the most trusted institutions.

In 1989, when revolutionaries sought shelter from Army bullets,

the Cathedral kept its doors closed.

O Holy Fascist Youth, Hearts of steel, souls like lilies,

Unstoppable spring rush, Eyes like Carpathian lakes.

Our arms fiercely raise ever higher Cornerstones for eternal altars,

Made of stone, sea and fire And the blood of our Dacian ancestors.

The Guard and the Captain turn us into iron hawks,

The Guard, the Captain, and the Divine Archangel.

[House of the People]

[Ceaușescu]

Dictator of Romania since 1965, executed in the 1989 Revolution.

Back in 5 minutes

[Cinema]

We have learned in school the story of the Gorgon Medusa

whose face was so horrible that the sheer sight of it

turned man and beasts into stone.

When Athena instigated Perseus to slay the monster,

she warned him never to look at its face

but only at its mirror reflection in the polished shield.

Following her advice Perseus cut off Medusa's head.

The moral is that we do not, and cannot, see actual horrors

because they paralyze us with blinding fear;

and that we shall know what they look like

only by watching images which reproduce their appearance.

The cinema screen is Athena's polished shield.

[Competition]

The Shah of Persia, visiting England, declined the invitation to a horse race

saying he knew very well that one horse runs faster than another.

[Children]

Political prisoners of their parents.

...And let us go to war, children!

[Kitchen]

As in "Women belong in the kitchen".

[Christmas]

The Einsatzkommando IIB, located in Simferopol, Russia,

is ordered to kill 3.000 Jews and Roma before Christmas.

The order is executed with great speed,

to allow the troops to celebrate Christ's birth.

[Culture]

A citizen: "Shame on you! You call this culture?"

"No wonder the education system is a mess."

"Out of taxpayers' money?!"

"Degenerates!"

[Luxury]

Is this natural? I hope you don't sell fakes.

Natural, of course. Arctic fox.

[Teeth]

A Romanian worker in Italy extracted two of his own teeth as he couldn't afford the dentist

and died of blood poisoning.

[Social distancing]

During the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic: 1,5 metres.

Doing the Crisis Dance!

State of Emergency!

Keep your distance!

[Efficiency]

Funeral Home

Emergency Hospital

[Eminescu]

Our national poet, the unmatched poet,

our Morning Star, the complete man of Romanian culture,

the last great Romantic, our better conscience,

the absolute Romanian, a lyrical summation of voivodes.

[Family]

6 in 10 Romanian children are subject to family violence.

[Page 5 Girl]

A popular daily used to publish photos with this title.

[Fiction]

I prefer, where truth is important, to write fiction.

[Folklore]

"Testimonies of a people's imbecility" is how Caragiale defined folklore.

Housewives make homes thrive

[Tastes]

[Global warming]

Look at that!

It's coming from Păuleasca!

Waves!

[Unconscious]

Psychoanalysis in Germany.

An elderly gentleman cannot move his right arm.

No physical infirmity shows in the tests.

The therapy is going nowhere.

Confused, the psychoanalyst has a great idea:

He cries out "Heil Hitler!"

The man's right arm shoots out in a perfect Nazi salute.

[Intellectual] Illiterate bitch, let intellectuals speak!

Take notes!

[Intimacy]

The Neuralink company will test

a mind-reading brain implant on humans.

[History]

History and life, unlike novels and stories,

do not teach a lesson of superficial joie de vivre, even to the happily constituted spirit and senses.

The contemplation of history is more likely to inspire, if not contempt for humanity,

then a sombre vision of the world.

[Jesus]

"Jesus was not merely the son of God,"

"he also came from a good family - on his mother's side,"

said Monsignor de Quelen.

[Love]

"I find it ridiculous for an intelligent man to suffer for such a woman,"

"who, apart from being uninteresting, is reportedly quite stupid,"

she added, with the wisdom of those not in love,

who think intelligent men should only suffer for women worth their while.

It is like being surprised you suffer from cholera, though its bacterium is so tiny.

[Justification] Pig was given to us for food.

Everything has a God-given purpose.

And pig is meant for us to eat.

- You understand, dear? - Yes.

[Mathematics]

Mathematics is the consequence of what there would be

if there could be anything at all.

[Metaphor]

[Montage]

[Blowjob]

Most looked-up word in the Online Dictionary.

The second is "empathy".

Nature

Alexandre Blok, journal entry, April 15, 1912:

"Yesterday, I took great joy in the wreck of the Titanic:"

"So there is still an Ocean."

[Footnote]

A splendid idea: a woman's true beauty lies in her man.

[City]

The artist seeks eternal truth, ignoring the eternity around him.

He admires a Babylonian temple column and scorns the factory chimney.

How are their lines any different?

When the era of coal-powered industry is over, we will admire the remnants of chimneys

as today we admire the remains of temple columns.

To walk out your front door as if you've just arrived from far away;

to discover the world in which you already live;

to begin the day as if you've just gotten off the boat from Singapore

and have never seen your own doormat.

[Patriotism]

A lady, fined in Vienna for beating her poor Gypsy maid,

immediately upon returning to Romania,

saluted her homeland by applying two slaps to poor Oprica, saying:

"O country of freedom, where I can beat people when I so wish!"

[Penguin] I'm the Penguin, I wanna push it to you!

This dance is perverse, everyone knows,

Just an excuse for me To touch the lady.

Look at that damn slut, I know you want me to push it to you.

You got no teeth and no style, But you want me to push it to you.

[Cunt] A synecdoche, in expressions such as:

"stupid cunt".

[Political]

H. Broch states political indifference is closely related to moral decay,

in that people who are politically innocent are morally suspect,

and that the Germans never felt responsible for Hitler's coming to power,

because they saw themselves as apolitical.

[Pornography]

Parrhasios is considered the creator of pornographia, around 410 BC.

Literally, pornographia means "portrait of a prostitute".

Parrhasios was in love with a prostitute, Theodotea, and painted her naked.

[Close-up]

When Pasolini made The Gospel According to St. Matthew,

he declared that for the roles of priests and Pharisees

he picked "slow-witted, Fascist-like faces"

They were actually members of the Communist Party or labour unions.

[Gaze]

[Cock]

We have embodied the historical structures of the masculine order

in the form of unconscious schemes of perception and appreciation.

[Fist]

If our Lord had possessed a couple of fists like yours,

He would never have died on the cross.

[Power]

[Racism] A bus driver, formerly a policeman,

refuses taking a Roma woman because of her ethnicity.

[War]

War Magazine

[Realism]

Isaac Babel imagined

an International of Good Men.

[Respect]

A Chief of Police has stated

that women beaten by their husbands shouldn't call the police at night,

but wait until morning.

[French Revolution]

[Romanian Revolution]

[Robot]

An officer who fought in the Middle East

is concerned that robotic warfare

will remove human empathy from armed conflict.

[Ruin]

A good building always makes

a beautiful ruin.

[Salary]

Either you go home at 4:10 without your salaries,

or you wait until 6 —

He says it for the last time.

He's had enough of your reactions.

He won't take that from you.

If you don't like that, leave.

We're not animals!

You're the one who booed!

I didn't boo.

He invites you to leave.

[Change]

An American accused of killing his two flatmates

told the police he had shared their Neo-Nazi views

before converting to Islam.

Then he killed them for disrespecting his faith.

[Selfie]

[Feeling]

Why this certainty that the heart is ethically superior to the brain?

Are not vile acts committed as often with the heart's help as without it?

Will we ever be done with this imbecile sentimental Inquisition,

the heart's Reign of Terror?

[School play] Lord, hear my prayer!

I bow to you!

Give me strength, I will now come to You.

[Sidewalk]

The pedestrians' sidewalk goes along the roadway.

Thus, city dwellers constantly have before their eyes

the picture of their competitor, overtaking them in a car.

Sidewalks were created in the interest of those with carriages or horses.

[Vanity]

Someone published a 1.500-page book:

his correspondence with Einstein and Pope Pius XII.

It only contains his letters to the two,

since neither ever wrote back.

[Live cam]

[Future]

99% of all the species that ever lived

are now extinct.

[Rape]

55% of responders say rape is justified in certain situations,

such as under the influence of alcohol or drugs,

if the victim dresses provocatively,

or if they agreed to come to someone's home.

[Sale and purchase]

The man who buys and sells reveals

something about himself more direct and less composed

than the man who discourses and battles.

Christ is risen from the dead...

[Zen]

A true poet must be at the same time tragical and comical;

human life must be seen as both tragedy and comedy.

Part III Praxis and innuendos (sitcom)

Magnum.

35.

A lizard!

I should be resuscitating you.

Fingerprint!

Suck all of us!

- Good evening, Emi. - Hello.

Please sanitise.

Please take the teacher's desk.

No! She no longer has the right!

She defiles this school!

The nerve on her, standing there so nonchalantly!

Please!

We have agreed to have a calm, rational conversation.

- Please, sit. - But...

Right.

We have gathered here, despite the pandemic,

in our ospedale degli innocenti, as we call it,

because you wanted to discuss a situation unusual for our prestigious school.

I hope we reach an agreement.

Mrs. Emilia Cilibiu is, as we know, a teacher who has yielded great results,

sending pupils to History competitions.

It would be regrettable —

Mrs. Cănuță, if I may!

I have my tablet. Let's all see the video.

So that everyone knows what we're talking about.

- And take informed decisions. - But it's gone from PornHub.

I have it downloaded. I figured they'd pull it down.

We all know what this is about.

I couldn't watch it, I was on shift.

Such a nice kitty.

Baby...

I want to suck your cock.

So bad, I love your cock.

Keep social distancing!

What, like they're keeping it?

A butterfly.

Lick me.

Look how hard I get just from turning on the camera.

I want to suck your dick.

Phones off during the screening!

"You'll go no more, lovely butterfly!"

Such a sweet cunt.

Come, I want to suck your cock.

- An oral exam! - "Oral B, no cavities!"

Mr. Otopeanu!

Your mask, please.

The muzzle of slaves! What do you want?

Shove off!

We're letting a dirty Arab enslave us with his pandemic dictatorship

and inject fear in the man of today.

Sheeple!

Mr. Otopeanu is right!

We lived under Communism, we know what dictatorship is.

True.

God, I can't watch!

I'm about to throw up!

Please stop.

No, we must see this to the happy end. It's revolting!

- Shit, get back up! - Let me suck it again.

It will get hard in my cunt.

- Captain, you're missing the climax! - I'm watching.

Between pain and amen!

Fuck me, don't play around!

- Your ass is killing me. - Like that.

Harder!

I love it when you fuck me.

I adore you.

I'm your slut! Harder!

I want you to fuck me.

Shoot it all in!

He'll have to sit that exam again.

Emi, anything to say about this film?

I didn't upload it.

Who, then?

I don't know.

My husband took the computer to a repair shop.

I didn't know.

- It doesn't matter who uploaded it. - What's done is done.

Do you have any comments?

No. This is private and it was on a specialised website, Golden Gate.

- An adult-only website. - This is not private, Mrs. Cilibiu.

It affects our children's life and mental and emotional health!

If you destroy them, it's not about you, it's about them.

My Alesia told me:

"I saw our teacher on the boys' phone, doing naughty things with a gentleman!"

- Lovely girl! - I was petrified.

The whole class, all 30 children,

saw what you do in your private life.

- This isn't private. - Yes it is.

Showing us her privates!

Alesia said she never wants to get married.

- What if she's traumatised? - Please, she's a child.

Exactly!

That's what I'm saying. She's just a child!

Children should be protected from horrors.

Freud says they're polymorphously perverse.

You should be more careful about what sites they visit.

That is a specialised, adult-only website.

The slut is getting cheeky!

Don't you tell us what our children should do.

- That's not what this is about. - Yes it is.

Because my private life is my own.

- You can — - Emi!

You see, when you put such audio-visual products on the Internet...

It's clearly stated in the Teaching Personnel Statutes

"a teacher's moral conduit must be beyond reproach", or else...

That's why we've agreed to meet

and see if we need to convoke a commission —

Why are you filming me?

- The Headmistress asked me. - It's for us.

As evidence, in case someone misremembers things.

Don't worry, it won't end up on the Internet.

Right.

We were discussing your moral conduct.

What's wrong with it?

Can't I make love to my husband?

Preliminary question!

Isn't he a lover?

Some hoodlum, or a pupil? We've seen such depraved cases.

Her husband is fat.

I know Mr. Cilibiu, he looks... chubbier.

That is my husband! I won't answer such low innuendos.

Maybe he lost weight.

Emi, we wouldn't pry into your love life,

but if you post this online where pupils can see it...

Pupils are not allowed on adult websites. Parents are legally responsible for that.

They saw it in school, Madam!

Not at home! Here, in school!

At home we don't watch porn or tabloid TV.

Not during my class.

And not on my phone, on a pupil's phone.

- A phone you bought. - True!

I didn't buy them iPhones.

I even asked the Headmistress here.

If my Andromeda steps out of line,

make her mop the school corridors.

She told me that's not legal.

Teachers have no rights anymore!

Anyway.

Emi, try as we might, children can still access cyberspace.

And with this pandemic and all the online classes...

That's why I think our Internet presence is very important.

And what's wrong with mine?

It's indecent, Emi.

There's nothing indecent in a woman making love to her man.

Or her husband by law, or anyone she wants,

as long as they're of age and able to express consent.

Eugen Cilibiu is my husband.

We were even religiously married.

There's nothing indecent about filming what I do with him.

If that's "making love", I'm Romeo Fantastik!

Or Milli Vanilli!

- What is it, then, Mr. Otopeanu? - Just what you called it in that clip.

- Which is? - Don't provoke me.

Why not? You've made an accusation.

Say it to the end.

- You really want me to? - Please.

If you have anything to say and you're a real man.

Cowardly insinuations won't help here.

It's called cocksucking, Teacher! Not lovemaking.

- Or blowjob! - Yes, Mr. Rostogan.

Please, Mr. Otopeanu, Mr. Rostogan!

She asked for it. She even insisted.

Cocksucking. Blowjob. That's what whores do.

Why should that ruin my daughter's innocence?

From a teacher, no less!

Who should teach her history is our nation's treasure

and tell her about Stephen the Great, Michael the Brave, Eminescu!

First:

Fellatio isn't "what whores do". It's a part of normal sex life.

I'm with her on that.

- It's normal to have a relation. - She said "fellatio".

At your age, Teacher, you could have shown some decency.

You're not 20.

This isn't sex ed class.

Which doesn't exist, because some stuck-up priest said

the best sex ed is given in Religious Education.

I'm just pointing out that any intimacy between a man and a woman,

or any two or several adults,

is their business, as long as it's freely consented to.

Secondly, your accusation is filthy.

You know I've taught my pupils about Eminescu.

And I did it very well.

Chivuța needs to clean up, we have a health inspection.

Scrub it properly, I want it to shine.

By the way, Eminescu himself wrote erotic poetry.

Now she's mocking Eminescu!

I can't believe this!

My aircraft is named Mihai Eminescu. I'm sensitive to that.

So tell us one of Eminescu's porn poems.

Enlighten us about our national poet.

Let's hear it, I don't know about such things.

Come on, Madam.

My good mister tavern keeper, Here's some cunt, give me some liquor,

Pour me something if you would And I'll let you fuck me good.

Keeper, let me off your cock, My liquor's coming back up.

Let it come for all I care, Take my cock and stay right there.

The maid's on the cock astride And complains she can't abide

She cries and she huffs And complains it's not enough

She cries and she whimpers And complains it should be bigger.

How rude!

Shut up or I'll break your teeth!

Stick to your scrubbing!

She wrote that poem!

- It's yours, right? - No.

Go to the Academy Library and study the manuscripts,

if you don't believe me.

The Testament of an Eminescu scholar.

But we're not talking about that.

Not about Eminescu, not about my private life.

What about exposing 12-year-olds to child pornography?

What child pornography?

That live cam thing.

They, being children, could see you like that.

That's not a live cam!

I exposed them to nothing!

And this is not porn, much less child pornography.

Then what? The Lives of Saints, Egyptian Paterikon?

Bouillon de la culture!

It's not pornography because there is no intent.

Pornography involves a money exchange.

- And what if it was? - What if?

- Pornography is bad for children. - Why?

Because it's harmful and damaging!

That's petitio principii, the same thing differently worded.

- Who can prove that statement? - Science.

First of all, we're not psychologists or sexologists.

Second, why can you be naked at a nudist beach, but not here or online?

Why do wedding photos show us kissing, but never having sex?

Because it's very bad for children!

Read a newspaper, look it up.

I don't take my children to nudist beaches.

To see perverts wiggling their thingy in the sand.

No, but you could. It's legal.

And you could meet their teacher.

Or Headmistress Cănuță, like I did last summer.

Mr. Buzdrugovici!

By that logic, accuse us of being butt-naked under our clothes!

We're doing just that.

And I'm sceptical about the science part.

In The Structure of Scientific Revolutions Thomas Kuhn speaks of thought patterns,

of paradigms, not of eternal truths.

What is considered scientifically true now may not be so tomorrow.

I find the whole "science says so" nonsense.

Human knowledge itself is uncertain.

Marius, spare us your mansplaining.

Our children's future is at risk because of this!

This is a prestigious school,

not a den of Gypsies or dung-shovelling peasants.

Hey, in Romania the risk of poverty is six times higher in rural areas.

No other EU country has such a gap.

I don't care!

- We want what's best for our children. - Yes.

We want Oxford quality, not Babylon Blue.

We must not forget that school involves violence.

This sociologist, Sebastian Èšoc, says:

"Teaching contributes to the reiteration of power relations,"

"the foundation of the teaching system."

"In fact, the act of teaching itself is a form of symbolic violence,"

"in both the way it is imposed and the delimitation of its scope and target."

"It corresponds to the interests of those in power."

"Its end result is that it selects out —"

Good evening.

- Ahoj, Carla! - Ahoj.

It's Jiri's mother, the Czech.

- Here. - Thank you.

The Romanian Army reached even the Tatra Mountains!

"— those who are not part of the dominant culture."

"Education success depends on prior achievements —"

- Give us a break! - "...in the early years,"

"particularly when the education system accepts as a given"

"differences between the children's dispositions."

"These usually depend on their social class."

"For instance, linguistic capital,"

"a form of cultural capital which —"

Some progressive intellectual!

Only last year you said all women are sluts.

When we all went for a barbecue during Alternative Teaching Week.

I only said I've never seen a gorgeous woman with a poor man.

- Isn't that the same? - Please.

Enough!

As Mrs. Gott said, we all want what's best for our children.

- It seems she's Karel Gott's niece. - Karel Butt!

What I'd like us to do is to have an informal vote.

I want to know if you parents still believe

that Mrs. Cilibiu should continue to be a teacher here,

at Crainic School.

Because, as educators, we can hold nothing against her.

This incident is external to her duties.

- Only your complaints — - Wait!

Before we vote, let's clarify what we are passing judgment on.

Since Mrs. Cilibiu says she wasn't the one who uploaded the video,

then she is innocent, in my opinion.

Father, doesn't the Gospel of Matthew say

"Judge not, that ye be not judged"?

"For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged."

We don't judge.

- We analyse. - Anal-yse, Father!

It's more "condemn not" than "judge not".

From Tacitus' Annals!

A question, Father.

Let's assume Virgin Mary really had an immaculate conception.

But how did she stay a virgin after birth?

My issue is that Mrs. Cilibiu has lost all credibility with the pupils.

Whether online, offline, or underline!

How so?

At 12 or 13, they're already hard to manage.

They'll be busy making fun, not taking you seriously.

First of all, I've built a good relationship with my pupils.

They've always respected me.

Now you'll have to whip them too.

That whip thing staggered me too.

- Hitting someone like that! - Secondly...

Respecting the teachers is a pupil's duty, not a right.

How can they respect you after they saw you with that whip?

And taking it up the ass, pardon my language!

Sure, in our youth we did that and more,

in winter, in those cold apartment blocks of the '80s.

I do hope you're senile, otherwise you'd disgust me!

Though I respect your age!

All in all, pupils don't want anything to do with her!

And it wasn't up the ass. It was in her cunt, doggy style.

Really?!

So it's my credibility that worries you?

- Let's ask the pupils. - It's not their choice, they're underage.

- Then don't involve them. - I'll involve whomever I want!

We decide in their name! For their good!

It's what we all want, as parents.

Who cares what they want?

And she's had other misconducts, though less serious.

My Irina said she told them grades don't matter!

Poppycock!

- Not true! - So my daughter's a liar?

I told them what matters most is passion for knowledge, not grades.

And I gave Hannah Arendt as an example.

Particularly to girls, who need female role models.

Hannah Arendt said her mother never cared about grades.

She thought it undignified to care about something so minor.

- What matters is knowledge. - How can you say that here?

In our sanctum of knowledge?

Low grades mean a second-rate highschool and a ruined future.

I don't like how she makes them memorise dates,

when they should be preparing for highschool admission.

Our schools encourage memorising instead of thinking.

They go hand in hand.

Here's the opinion of an education specialist, Doru Căstăian.

He says:

"Perhaps the most exasperating cliché"

"is about children being forced to memorise, not think."

"But memorisation is not an abomination in itself,"

"though the mnemic pressure on our species has dropped."

"Memorisation is, de facto, exercise for the mind."

"Neuroscience shows an active hippocampus stimulates cerebral activity."

"We have often observed how the most profound and creative pupils"

"are those who know the most things,"

"though their usefulness is not always apparent."

You'll like this one:

"No question is more insinuatingly stupid than 'What good will it do me?'"

"In certain teaching contexts, it is not wrong to ask pupils to memorise."

- "While that is not the only goal" — - Oh please.

"The idea that memorising is useless since information is available online"

"is also wrong and falsely self-obvious."

"It denotes a misunderstanding of how our mind works."

"Our brains are not computers, our memory can't be replaced by external HDDs."

"Each piece of info we memorise is integrated, albeit minimally,"

"as living memory is active, while digital memory is passive."

- And this goes on. - It's too long!

- Wait a minute. - But...

Also:

"Strange as some may find it, memorising can stimulate thinking"

"as few other things can."

"What impairs thinking is the lack of the habit to reflect,"

"the custom of stopping our mind's flow to go back to what we've learned."

That is a minor issue.

But while we're at it, Mr. Otopeanu, myself and others

don't want you indoctrinating our children about the Holocaust.

Right!

Thank you, Father Bârsescu!

Porn Teacher here indoctrinates kids about the Holocaust,

with lies about Romanians killing kikes and crows!

- She even badmouthed Marshal Antonescu. - Unacceptable!

As a father, as a man, as an officer in the Romanian Army!

When was that?

On Holocaust Remembrance Day,

I told them about the Romanian army's massacres on the Eastern Front.

Lies!

And about Anne Frank.

- Are you Jewish? - No. Why?

She might as well be Jewish! She's paid by their Mossad!

And I find that just as serious as her bunga-bunga on the Internet.

How dare you indoctrinate our children with filthy Jewish propaganda?

Instead of teaching them about Stephen the Great?

What about what Israel does in the Occupied Territories?

- I taught them about Stephen the Great. - And the Occupied Territories?

- It's in their handbooks too. - Enough!

I won't listen to Jewish propaganda in my country, in my children's school!

We all know Hitler and the camp commanders were all Jews,

killing their own as an excuse to create Israel!

Did you tell them that too?

I don't teach conspiracy theories.

Now teachers are paid by Soros and Bill Gates!

If I sing Holy Fascist Youth, a patriotic song, I get fined!

Sorry we're late, we're coming from the seaside.

But what do I see? Two wonders together!

- For our lovely teacher. - Thank you.

- And for our lovely headmistress. - Please take a seat.

I respect education and your efforts.

Then are you a Communist?

Alesia said you read them a story about Bolsheviks.

It was a story by Isaac Babel.

Also to illustrate what history means.

And how it crushes ordinary people, women in this case.

- It's an educative story. - What's it called?

Salt. By Isaac Babel.

- Who, El Zorab? - That's not in the curriculum.

- Then why did you read it to them? - As I said, it's instructive.

What is it about? Mario didn't inform me.

It takes place after the October Revolution, in 1920.

- A poor woman is killed by soldiers. - Sexo-Marxism!

Next you'll tell them about faggots, after the Commies and filthy Gyps!

That's not nice to Mr. Mwikiza.

- I didn't mean he was a Gypsy! - I understand.

And you were against the ban on same-sex marriage!

You said so on Facebook!

So? It's my right.

Even so!

I never discussed that with the children.

We want no homosexual propaganda in our schools!

There was another case, a teacher showed a film with two homos.

Then she claimed they were poets.

- If they were lesbians, I'd be in! - Me too!

Zoinks!

Let's get back on track.

- I propose we vote. - Wait.

There's another issue, this is now all over the Internet.

Other parents are sharing things on Facebook and WhatsApp.

"Teacher Slut Sucks Cock with Jizz Around Her Mouth".

Where?

It's on the parents' WhatsApp group.

It's even in the media, listen to this:

"Porn Teacher: School by Day, Online Banging by Night".

- Where's that? - In a tabloid.

"Teacher... on the Internet..."

"...discovered by her underage pupils."

"Close sources describe her as a decent woman,"

"adding they wouldn't have thought her capable of this."

"'I couldn't believe it,' stated Mr. Nițescu, Biology teacher."

"She is a respectful lady, serious, modest."

"The pandemic must have clouded her mind."

It seems Havel had a teacher like that too.

Macron too!

- It seems she's Karel Gott's niece. - Karel Butt.

I told the teachers not to talk to the media.

"Deputy Headmaster Ghițescu states the Disciplinary Commission will convene,"

"there will be a hearing and legal measures will be taken."

"'I am utterly shocked.'"

"'The teacher in question has never been improper.'"

"'She is an experienced teacher, the pupils respect her,'"

"'she's even participated in projects with EU funding.'"

"Could the pictures have been manipulated?"

"'It does seem to be herself, but I can't be sure,'"

"'with all the things happening on the Internet.'"

"It seems the teacher also works as a porn actress."

"on websites in the Netherlands and Germany."

- That's not true! - Tabloids.

This is embarrassing all of us!

- My old mother could read this! - Someone defends her.

And "Long John Silver" replies:

"I piss on all these feminazis"

"and on the slut journalists at this assrag newspaper."

"Suck my cock, leftist, politically correct shit-eating scum!"

"I shit on cunt-whipped men who" —

Please, enough!

- There's fresh news every day. - Fox News!

We think we're important, but the world forgets us.

They say Pontius Pilate was asked, years after Jesus' crucifixion,

if he regretted it.

So he tries hard to remember.

But he can't remember the case!

Jesus hadn't been someone important to him.

- Us even less. - We hope!

Teacher, is it true you're a porn actress?

Of course not. Despite your lecherous grin.

Just asking.

- Let's put this to a vote. - Yes!

I need to inform the Commission of the parents' position.

Three possible endings

...The film was but a joke.

Hands up if you want Mrs. Cilibiu — one moment! —

to be removed as a teacher of this school.

So against her?

13.

Now those in favour of Mrs. Cilibiu remaining here.

- 15. - Yes!

Surrendering, Lieutenant?

The Romanian Army never surrenders! It redeploys to strategic positions!

So Mrs. Cilibiu will remain with us as a teacher.

- Whore! - Please!

We hope she will refrain from any such... incidents, so to say.

A hope in a-hole!

And that she will be the same dedicated teacher.

I've always appreciated her professional slogan:

Non scholae, sed vitae!

Then I'm withdrawing my child from this school!

- Me too! - I won't let a filthy slut teach her!

I'll go to the police, this is unacceptable!

Wait a moment!

The vote was biased.

Some parents are absent. For some pupils, both parents are here.

Besides,

some here are grandparents.

And I've noticed men mostly voted for her.

They're hoping she'll do them too.

How dare you talk like that?

How dare you, filthy cocksucker!

Zoinks!

She is our children's teacher! Show some respect!

Some people act all upright, but behind closed doors...

Perverted, cock-hungry whores!

- Mr. Otopeanu, enough! - How dare you?

This won't do, we had an agreement!

- We voted! - Mask!

Didn't we agree?

We didn't agree to be offended by this slut!

- Porn Teacher, indeed! - Really?

I wasn't a slut when you tried to bribe me to let your brat pass.

- You throw bribes left and right. - Small gifts!

They're called bribes, Madam.

And you resort to bribery!

You passed yourself off as Roma so your child could get to a good school.

- Not true. - Thus taking a poor Roma child's place!

You're filth!

I'll make you swallow that, bitch!

You heard me, idiot!

Acting so high and mighty, bribing left and right!

You call the government corrupt, but you want a slice of the pie!

And pry into people's intimacy like pigs!

Back to reason, ladies!

Show some respect, ladies!

You're acting like Gypsies!

Some teacher!

Please go back to your seats.

Check if she's injured.

Calm down, take deep breaths.

...We've only kept you a moment.

- You won't be voting. - But Mum said to vote against.

Your mum should have been here, not at home, texting.

WhatsApp votes will not be counted.

All parents should have attended our debate of ideas.

- Grandparents don't vote either. - How so?

You, Mr. Axinte, for always being so industrious

and, Schrödinger's cat-like,

having both a daughter and a granddaughter in this class,

get to vote, but only for your daughter.

Good breeder!

That's not fair, I could have called my daughter to vote as mother!

- Well, you only get one vote. - Karel Throat!

Who wants Mrs. — one moment! —

— Mrs. Cilibiu staying as your children's teacher?

We want her to stay!

10. And those against?

We won't be guinea pigs For a simple flu!

14!

I'm sorry, Emi.

I think it's more fair if you resign.

The parents have made their choice.

Right.

- I will. - Consummatum est!

To quote Thomas Aquinas when he ate a pike.

Wait a moment.

I am sorry.

Crawl out of here!

...The film was but a joke, And here it ends.

There's more of us by far.

- 14. - Run off home, slut!

There we have it.

- I'm sorry, Emi. - Teacher!

What hurts more than defeat Or my wounds, or my plight

Are these loathsome arms Now refusing to fight!

I'll ask you to resign, I —

Is anything wrong?

I told you she's a Jew!

What is she doing to him?