Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language,

some scenes of a sexual nature,

and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

TIMER BEEPS

KNIFE CLUNKS ON BOARD

DOORBELL RINGS

So, boys, tell me,

why do you want to adopt?

Well, we've been talking about it for a while now, haven't we, Gabe?

Mm-hm.

And we're really solid.

Erm, been together...

..oh, eight years now.

So, it feels like the natural next step.

Doesn't it? Mm-hm.

I'm sensing you're a little bit nervous, Gabriel?

I'm not nervous. Good.

Just answer honestly, and we'll all get along fine.

Are you married?

Er...no, no.

Not that it's a problem.

Gabriel thinks it's heteronormative.

Uh, he thinks it's what straight couples do when

they've run out of things to say.

THEY CHUCKLE

Will you take paternity leave, then, or...?

Er, we're going to split it.

So, I'm going to take nine months, and Gabe is going to take...

SIMULTANEOUSLY: ..one. Three.

I thought you were just taking the one?

No. Three.

And we want a girl.

Don't we, And?

Why's that?

Boys are nothing but trouble.

I was told we could be specific.

But you're halving your chances there.

I mean, I'd encourage you to keep your options open.

We'd really like a girl, though.

Wouldn't we, And?

And what do you do, Andy?

Ach, I'm an accountant.

Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, it's certainly not as exciting as Gabe.

Yes. I hear you're a drag queen.

I'm not a drag queen.

What are you, then? He's wonderful.

Yeah. People come from miles to see him.

Oh, you should hear him sing, at Neverland.

Done.

Do you mind if I have a quick look around the house?

I just want to check you're not serial killers or something.

ANDY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

What?

Why did you invite her to Neverland?

She might be into muff?

I wouldn't like to say. We've only just met.

First rule of parenting -

watch what you say. You never know who's listening.

PIANO FLOURISH

# You probably think I'll miss you

# But I won't

# You probably think I hide my hurt inside

# But I don't

# So many people come and go

# I find it best to let them go

# As soon as they're gone... # CROWD CHEERS

# Remembering's only there to make you sad

# They say it hurts your insides

# When you miss the things you've had

# Well, I don't cry cos I've no love inside of me

# I'm footloose, no memories to tie me down

# I'm free

# But sometimes I wonder... # CROWD CHEERS

# What happened to those with whom I shared adventures

# Those pirates

# And lost boys and fairies

# And sometimes those wonderings

# They give me the strangest of feelings

# Fleeting moments in my mind

# Of those once upon a times long ago

# Oh! Where did all the lost boys go?

# Somewhere I'll never know

# Those pirates

# And lost boys and fairies

# Where are we? #

CHEERING

You may need stair gates, depending on their age.

Top and bottom.

Is that you?

Mm-hm.

Oh! I see what you mean.

You're a work of art.

This one's got better tits than I have!

I'm a social worker, boys -

not a priest.

Oh...

Wow!

It's where the magic happens!

Then, put a lock on it,

or your magic will soon be covered in snot.

And you'll need...

..a lock here.

And here.

And that'll have to go, won't it?

And what about...

..your health?

Your finances?

Your childhood?

My childhood? Yes.

The way you were parented can have a significant impact on

the parent you're likely to become.

But I'll do things very differently.

That's what they all say.

Look, children can push buttons you never even knew you had.

But I had a very happy childhood.

Mam and Dad moved to be closer to Cardiff just after I was born.

Tell me about your parents.

Dad was a physics teacher.

Mam worked at a nursery.

Welsh-language schools?

Er, yes.

Mam was loving...

..nurturing.

THEY SING ALONG: # ..your Rolling Stones records

# And a friend of Sacha Distel... #

Dad was...

CONGREGATION SINGS: Gwahoddiad

Well, there was a lot of capel.

Er, chapel.

Dad is a deacon.

His dad was a minister, so...

My Mam helped out with Sunday school until...

CONGREGATION SINGS MOURNFULLY: Rho Im Yr Hedd Na Wyr Y Byd Amdano

HE SHOUTS

LAUGHTER

..she died, when I was little.

A brain haemorrhage.

Oh, Gabriel, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Oh, it's fine. It was a long time ago.

Well, it must have been incredibly traumatic for you as a child?

Non? Non, Non, Non!

SHOUTING ECHOES

I don't remember much about it now, to be honest.

Will you raise your child to speak Welsh, as well?

No.

It wouldn't be fair on Andy, would it?

Why not? I'm thinking of having lessons, actually.

But don't you think it's like therapy

but without the actual therapy?

I'm not the one who has a problem with it.

The way she looks at you with those Judgy-Mc-Judge-Judge eyes.

I mean, does it need to be so intrusive?

Why does she need to know everything?

Any arsehole can shoot their load and make a baby.

Exactly.

Hence the need for adoption.

And why she has to make sure we're not going to...

..you know, further damage an already traumatised child.

Y-You haven't mentioned...?

What do you take me for?

I know what you're like.

You overshare.

Plus, she told us not to lie.

And you hate lying, so...

Yes. But I'm not lying, am I?

Just being frugal with the truth. Ach!

Aren't you finding it intense?

LAUGHTER

Honestly, Jackie, it's true!

Apart from wanting to get as far away from my dad as possible,

I swear the only reason she chose Cardiff was because

she was hoping she'd make friends with Shirley Bassey!

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

We didn't have a lot, but... I didn't want for love.

So, now I want to be able to pass that on to someone.

Erm, help them thrive.

Make a difference.

And did your mum ever befriend Shirley?

Yeah, she tried.

Nearly got arrested.

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, yeah.

It is quite intense, isn't it?

So, tell me about your, erm, hobbies when you were little?

MARGARET THATCHER ON TV: ..Children who need to be taught to respect

traditional moral values...

I liked reading.

..taught that they have an inalienable right to be gay.

All of those children are being cheated

of a sound start in life.

And dressing up.

Loved dressing up.

DAD: Come on now, boy!

INHALES DEEPLY

EXHALES DEEPLY

Make sure it's all done in the best possible taste!

LAUGHTER ON TV

Gabriel?

Gabriel?

HE YELLS OUT

Pretty good, I'd say.

It was just him and me, so...

MUFFLED CRYING

# Pan ddaw lleisiau'r nos i 'mhoeni... #

But music was my happy place.

# A sibrwd gwag y gwynt im hoeri... #

And how does your dad feel about the adoption? Is he excited?

We haven't actually told him yet.

We wanted to tell him face-to-face.

I'm sure he'll be delighted.

Yeah.

So, next session, we'll move on to...

..when did you have your first inkling that you might be gay?

Well, there's never one moment, Jackie.

More a series of moments.

# All I do each night is pray

# Hoping that I'll be a part of you again someday

# All I do each night is think... #

VOLUME INCREASES

# Of all the times I closed the door to keep my love within... #

ZIPPER UNZIPS

A gradual dawning.

# You and me

# Harmony

# You and me... #

MUSIC STOPS HEAVY PANTING

And did you struggle with it?

GROWLING

HE SCREAMS

DEMONIC LAUGHTER

No, not really.

How about your dad?

He struggled with it a bit, I guess.

But no-one's out in the Bible, are they?

Being a teenager's horrific, isn't it?

It's just a confusing time.

I mean, I didn't know if I wanted to kill the boys who picked on me,

or fuck them instead! Ha!

Oh, God, erm...

Sorry. I forgot where I was for a moment.

Were you bullied, Gabriel?

God, no! Nothing like that. I was never bullied.

Just the usual stuff.

Bender!

LAUGHTER

MUFFLED SCREAMING

ECHOING LAUGHTER

HE GRUNTS

But, I mean, I'm actually grateful for it.

It made me who I am today.

Being an outsider gave me an advantage,

because all that time, I threw into music.

CHEERING

I loved the attention.

PIANO PLAYS

MUFFLED HEAVY BREATHING

PIANO INTENSIFIES

Your dad must have been so proud.

I think so.

He's not much of a talker.

Would you like to teach your child to play the piano?

I don't play now. Don't you?

I left music college at the end of the first year, so...

Left? Yeah.

I just found it a bit constraining, you know?

MUSIC: Sexy Boy by Air

I lost a few years to temping...

# Sexy boy... #

..until Berwyn opened Neverland,

and I decided to come back to Cardiff.

MUSIC: Just Dance by Lady Gaga

PARTY POPPERS, CHEERING

And that's where I met...

Andy.

Would you... would you mind if I kissed you?

Ah, I'm sorry.

I-I shouldn't have said...

No, no, it's fine.

It's just...

..no-one's ever asked my permission before.

# How does it feel in my arms?

# How does it feel... #

I often say that that kiss saved my life.

Not that it needed saving.

Can I ask you personally, Gabriel...

..why you want to adopt?

Honestly? Yeah.

Yeah, much better to be completely honest in the long run.

OK.

I want to adopt because...

..because...

..because I see all these young people having fun like I used to,

and I can't do it any more.

Because I'm utterly bored with the mundanity of life.

The cycle of work and countless late nights.

Because all the men my age in the park seem to have children now.

Because I love Andy so much, and I know it will make him happy.

But more than that, I want to adopt because I think it'll make me

a much kinder, tolerant, patient person.

I'll become less angry and bitter, and I'll have no choice

but to grow up and care for someone other than myself,

and so, I'll finally have to remove my head out of my damaged,

promiscuous, yet still perfectly agreeable, arsehole.

You didn't say that?

Of course I didn't. I just said...

I honestly think Andy and I have a lot we can offer as parents.

OK.

Erm, "Risk of special needs as a result of parental..."

Wouldn't accept.

Harsh!

We both work. So?

Shouldn't we at least be open to it? Every case is different.

We wouldn't have the capacity, and you know it.

Jackie said dealing with their trauma will be hard enough.

All right, all right.

Down's syndrome?

Wouldn't accept.

This is horrible. Can't we at least...?

Zip it, St Andrew.

But what would Mother Teresa do? Nothing!

She's dead.

Pregnant people get scanned for anomalies all the time.

OK, well, what about Aids or HIV, then?

TV: At first, only gays and IV drug users were being killed by Aids.

But in three years, nearly 2,000 of us will be dead.

LOUD GASP

W-Wouldn't accept.

Are you kidding me?

It'll complicate things. It's not complicated.

It's still a complication, though.

Try saying that to Ber.

I'm sure Berwyn would agree.

Well, it's great to know you're open to discussing most things.

Erm, though I would like to chat through

your resistance to meeting the birth parents.

Er, I was open to it.

They're hardly going to be civil if their kids have been taken off them.

Don't assume anything, Gabe.

Just keep an open mind.

See, you'd be able to give your child a fuller picture

of birth mum or dad.

And most adopters find it a really positive experience.

And we all deserve a second chance, don't we?

Why don't I say that you're open to it, for now?

OK.

I've got a few questions about your support network.

And, in terms of family, you've only got Andy's mum down so far.

Won't she do?

Especially cos I sometimes think she prefers Gabe to me!

HE CHUCKLES

Gabe's just wonderful, isn't he?

He's brought so much colour to Andy's life.

And's so sensible, you know? He had to grow up fast.

But Gabe! He brings all the sparkle!

Did he tell you he studied at a royal college?

Not just any old college - a royal one.

Not that I'm into Charles or anything,

but always nice to know he approves.

But it would help your case to put your dad down, too.

Otherwise, they may wonder why you didn't.

I'm phoning with some good news, actually.

Andy's here with me.

But hang on, I can put you on loudspeaker!

We're going to adopt!

We're going to be parents.

Dad?

Yeah, of course we've thought about this.

We just need to educate him. Hold his hand.

Gabe had loads of nature/nurture anxieties at the beginning, too.

No, I didn't.

You kept talking about The Omen.

Fears are perfectly normal.

We run workshops for relatives which are really effective

at putting people's minds at rest.

There's some amazing books out there, too.

Sorry, but it's going to take a lot more than a book and a workshop.

You just need to talk to him again. It'll be fine.

No, Andy, it won't be fine because...

He doesn't think that gay men deserve to be parents!

Has he actually said that?

He doesn't need to!

I honestly don't think it's the gay thing.

It's the adoption thing.

I mean, perhaps, Gabriel, you're projecting your anxieties

onto your father because that's what you grew up believing.

Nonsense! I don't believe that.

It's Dad! Not me!

Of course I deserve to have children!

In fact, I deserve them far more than he ever did,

because mine aren't going to grow up half as screwed up as I did.

Because I will make damn sure they know whoever they are

and whatever they become,

that they have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!

OK.

Gabriel.

There's something you're not telling me.

SMACKING

Ah!

Only gays were being killed by Aids...

..And local authorities shall not promote the teaching in any

maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as...

THATCHER: ..an inalienable right to be gay.

Gabe?

Is there anything I should know?

What the hell did you go and tell her all of that for?

The last time was years ago.

We dealt with it.

You sorted it out. You know what your boundaries are.

Right, y-you never get drunk.

You never touch white wine or prosecco.

There's no problem any more.

Exactly.

So, it doesn't matter that I told her, does it?

Grow up, Gabriel! Of course, it matters!

The only reason kids get adopted nowadays is because

their parents are too fucked to look after them.

So, why on earth should social services trust us with one,

when you used to get just as fucked up, as well?

Sorry. But you're right.

Aren't you?

What's the difference?

But you came through it in the end.

Only because you could afford to pay for my therapy.

Hardly seems fair, does it?

Do you even want to adopt?

Because if you don't, then...

Of course I want to adopt.

Of course I do.

Now I've gone and fucked everything up again, haven't I?

Not necessarily.

I talked to my manager,

and we both agree the fact that you've been honest

goes in your favour.

I mean, I actually think that people who've conquered their addictions

can make excellent adopters.

Because they know what it is to live through trauma.

Look, I don't want us to get ahead of ourselves,

cos it will depend on panel,

and it will depend on the child's social worker.

And not everyone's going to necessarily think the way I do.

But it-it's not game-over?

I wouldn't carry on if I didn't think

I could get you both through this.

I spoke to your therapist this morning, and she said...

Most gay men his generation are still dealing with

the effects of decades of shame.

But Gabriel's developed several strategies to manage his compulsions

and, in my professional view,

I think he'd make an excellent parent.

He never even gets drunk any more.

Two's the magic number.

Oh, you and me both, love.

Look, I've no doubt you've got so much you can offer a child, Gabe.

Both of you.

So, I think we should just proceed as normal.

If that's what you want.

Try stopping me.

ANDY SOBS

Sorry.

He's such a poof.

LAUGHTER

Oh, God, I'm late for court.

Don't worry, I shall see myself out.

And I'll give you a ring in the week.

There's, erm, an activity day I think you should go to.

Er...?

An activity what?

Activity day.

Where you get to meet children waiting to be adopted.

What? Like, kiddy speed-dating?

Gabe!

Please don't let the other social workers hear you call it that.

But we haven't been approved yet. It'll be after approval.

And I know you'll be sensible.

And you won't be seduced by superficial factors.

Superficial factors?

How cute they are.

But do THEY know that's why they're there?

The older ones will.

God, that's awful, isn't it?

I wasn't sure about it myself at first,

but they've placed over 1,000 children through them, so...

..at least consider it?

I'll phone you.

ENGINE STARTS

Speak to your dad!

And I know you don't think it's a good idea,

but our social worker says that it could really help.

The way you were behaving, I thought you were going to tell me

that you had cancer or something.

Please, Dad.

Well, what do you take me for?

I'm hardly going to say no, am I?

RELIEVED SIGHS

And...

..it's nice to be asked, actually.

Thank you, Emrys.

But, er...

..parenting isn't easy, you know?

I know that...

And you could end up with anything.

"Thing?" Oh, you...

..you know what I mean.

HE SIGHS

Will they speak Welsh?

Would that make them more acceptable to you if they did?

Well, there's obviously a problem!

Dwi jyst...

What, Dad?

I just think a child needs a mother.

That's all.

No, Emrys.

Look, I know how tough it must have been for you without Non.

But a child doesn't need a mother.

A child needs love.

MUSIC: Under Your Spell by Desire

THEY GIGGLE

# I don't eat

# I don't sleep

# I do nothing but think of you

# I don't eat

# I don't sleep

# I do nothing but think of you

# You keep me under your spell

# You keep me under your spell

# You keep me under your spell

# You keep me under your spell

# You keep me under your spell

# You keep me under your spell... #

Oh, my God.

We're going to be parents.

THEY LAUGH

I feel like a dick.

You look great.

All the kids love Superman.

It's Supergirl, actually, Jackie.

Was that heteronormative of me?

Ignore him. He's always a twat when he's nervous.

What's wrong with them?

Sizing up the competition, aren't they?

I imagine we pose a veritable threat!

CAR DOORS OPEN THEN CLOSE

Shit. Scundered.

Come on, we're late! I don't think we are.

JACKIE CHUCKLES

But it's cheating. The theme's superheroes.

Prince Charming's not a superhero.

Fairy Godmother's not a superhero.

They should be disqualified.

It's not a competition.

Of course it's a fucking competition.

Hello, everybody.

ALL: Hello!

SEDUCTIVELY: Ooh, hello!

Now, I'm sure you're all feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves.

Er, maybe a little anxious.

Why the hell are we so horny at the moment?

Because our bodies think we want to procreate?

Now, in these brochures, you'll find all the children's details.

Of course, you'll have your own matching criteria,

and we know that people tend to zone in on their favourites.

But do try and circulate.

Rule yourselves in, rather than out.

Today is about seeing if you have an emotional connection with anyone.

So, I'll give you all some time to look through them.

CHATTER

Ready?

CHATTER STOPS

OVERLAPPING CHILDREN'S VOICES: Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!

OK, everybody. It's almost 10:30.

I'm sure you're all really keen to get going.

ECHOING: So, if you're ready...

..please come on through.

HEARTBEAT INCREASES

BELL DINGS

# When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie

# That's amore

# That's amore

# When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine

# That's amore

# That's amore

# Bells will ring Ting-a-ling-a-ling

# Ting-a-ling-a-ling And you'll sing "vita bella"

# Vita bella, vita bella

# Hearts will play Tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay

# Like a gay tarantella

# Lucky fella... #

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Er, let's just wait, my love.

Take our time.

Not feel the pressure.

Try and talk to them all.

What do you think of this one, though?

She had me at "dress-up".

# Look for the bare necessities

# The simple bare necessities

# Forget about your worries and your strife

# I mean the bare necessities

# Old Mother Nature's recipes

# That bring the bare... #

Is it wrong that I want to take her magic wand

and shove it up her arse?

Star end first.

There's plenty of time, boys.

Go on. Get out there.

Mingle.

Hi. I'm Andy.

What's your name?

My name's Ezmie.

Would you like to sit down?

Er, that, erm...

Of course we would.

Hi, Ezmie.

I'm Gabriel, Andy's partner.

Gabriel? Like the angel?

I was Mary.

Were you, now?

I bet you were a lovely Mary.

I was. Wasn't I, Paula?

You were, sweetheart.

And what are you making there, Ezmie?

Dinosaur poo.

Excellent!

Andy loves nothing more than making dinosaur poo, as well,

don't you, Andy?

Oh...er, yeah.

In fact, many people don't know this,

but Andy's actually the second-best dinosaur poo-maker

in the whole world.

Who's first-best, then?

Well, duh!

You, Ezmie, of course.

THEY LAUGH

Er, where did that all come from?

What?

You were lush!

I mean, the way you just...

I freaked out!

God, this is much harder than I thought.

I know.

But you were...amazing with her.

You made it look so easy.

That's because...

Well, there was no pressure, was there?

What do you mean?

Because I knew there was no way that we'd ever take her on.

Hello, can I sit here? Yeah! Oh, thank you!

Oh! That's a pretty dress!

Don't mind if we join you, do you?

No.

Look, this matches.

Do you like pink? It's my favourite colour.

Yeah, me too!

SHE GIGGLES

Excuse me. Er, Hazel?

Yeah. Hi, yes.

Erm, I was wondering if I might have a quick chat with you?

And your partner?

Husband.

Husband. Of course.

Come on.

Come on!

So, Tamsin, I hear you like Annie?

I can't believe we're being upstaged

by a bargain-basement Fairy Godmother

and her closet-case of a husband.

When did we become the beige ones? We're supposed to be quiet in here.

She can't even apply mascara properly.

She looks like a massive twat. Be kind.

You don't know what she's been through.

Stop being so bloody nice all the time, would you?

It is annoying. Shush now!

Don't!

Don't, I have a semi now.

THEY LAUGH

Come on.

Let's do one more round.

It's like being back at school, and no-one wants to play with us.

CHILD: That's how I feel, too.

Oh! Shit!

Hi.

How long have you been there? Since lunchtime.

You two swear a lot.

Er...well, we didn't think anyone else was in here.

I like spying on people.

Are you gays?

Sorry? Cos Claire told me there might be gays here,

but I've never met a real one before.

# Ta-dah! #

Erm, Claire, is she your, er, your foster carer?

Is she around anywhere?

When you kissed,

it sounded like you were slurping a giant ice lolly.

Yuck. It was disgusting.

I had to put my fingers in my ears.

Do you have any lollies?

Er, no...

Sweets?

No. You're not trying very hard.

Cos some of the others have sweets.

You need to bring sweets if you want us to like you.

Fairy Godmother has sweets.

But she's a massive twat.

What are we doing? Following him. Why?

I don't know! In case he says anything,

and we need to explain ourselves.

Doesn't stalking a child feel a bit paedo-y? No!

Wait. Does it?

A bit. I can't believe he heard us.

I can't believe he heard me say I had a semi. What if he says

he heard me say I had a semi, and they don't approve us

because I said I had a semi, and he heard me say it? Wow, Gabriel.

That was kind of extraordinary. Stop it, I'm serious.

I think we just broke all the rules in the brochure.

No more than Fairy Godmother Child Catcher.

We didn't bribe him, did we? But we made-out in front of him

and called one of the other adopters a fucking twat.

Who's a fucking twat?

Jackie, I think we've done a boo-boo.

We didn't know he was there!

CHUCKLING: It's the first rule of parenting...

We know, we know!

Shouldn't we apologise or something?

No, don't worry, seriously.

I know his social worker, Llinos.

Plus, his foster carer, Claire, is a hoot.

It'll be fine.

To be honest, that boy's heard a hell of a lot worse.

Did you see his profile?

We said between one and six. He's too old.

Well, he's only just turned seven.

Yeah, going on 40!

Well, you would be, too, if you'd been through what he has.

Anyway, I will speak to his family finder,

and we'll get him to introduce you to Llinos and Claire.

I thought we didn't need to apologise?

Well, you don't. I just think you should chat with them about Jake.

But he's a boy.

I know.

But keep an open mind.

Cos it sounds to me like you've made a connection.

DOOR CLOSES

Right. Before I start,

which one of you's the mum, and which one of you's the dad?

Sorry?

SHE LAUGHS

Got you! Look at their faces, Llinos!

Don't worry, boys.

My daughter's a lesbian.

And when I had my first gay adopters,

she kept telling me off for trying to work out which one was the mum

and which one was the dad.

But then, I realised, one was both,

and the other one was lazy.

THEY LAUGH

So, I hear you're interested in my Jakey?

Well... Yes.

So, what can I tell you about Jake?

He's my biggest achievement - that's what he is.

And you've been doing this for 30 years,

so that's saying something.

How many is it now?

I think it's around 400 and counting.

Sorry, 400 what?

Children. Shit.

Jake was right.

You DO have potty-mouths.

Sorry. I'm teasing!

Anyway, some people thought he was unadoptable

when he first came to me.

Didn't they, Llin?

Said he was feral.

SHE SCOFFS

Can you imagine that? Calling a child feral?

He wasn't feral.

He was terrified - especially of men.

Wouldn't come near Malcolm - that's my husband -

first couple of weeks.

So then, Malcs started taking him on the school run.

Jake could just about manage that.

Five minutes in the car with him, belted in the back,

where he didn't have to look him in the eye.

But then, by the end of term, Malcs had him singing along to...

# Where do you go to my, lovely? #

No way! Th-That's the song Gabe performed the night we met.

Well, there's a sign if ever I heard one!

THEY LAUGH

Voice of angel, Jake has.

Mind you, he can be a right devil too sometimes.

But nothing you can't handle.

It's all bravado.

He was under the sofa, wasn't he?

Yeah. That'll be right.

He likes to hide in small spaces.

That way, he can be sure no-one else is in there with him.

But what that boy needs more than anything else is patience,

cuddles, and love.

God, I'm going to miss his cuddles.

Going to break my heart when he leaves.

I'd adopt him myself, but I've got six already.

Six?!

Three of my own, three adopted.

And, anyway, two dads would be bloody fantastic for him!

As long as you can keep your hands off each other.

We really are very sorry about all that. Don't be.

Don't ever apologise for showing a child what real love looks like.

Do you want a minute, boys?

Please.

EZMIE: That's so funny, that's so funny!

We're all just children, aren't we?

Couldn't we at least take a look at his CAR B form?

He's seven and a boy.

And it's complex.

We can't just keep moving the goalposts.

I don't see what the problem is. I don't want a boy.

But don't you feel...? If it's just about "feeling",

why did we bother going through the assessment?

Come on, sweetheart.

WATER RUNS

TOOTHBRUSHES VIBRATE

Maybe we should have a look.

Just a look. It doesn't mean...

I know, I know.

Just a look.

LLINOS: "Jake is an inquisitive, bright child

"with a vivid imagination."

Out came their very own baby...

"He's deeply affectionate,

"but can be extremely hyper-vigilant."

Ahh!

"And his behaviour can sometimes be difficult to manage.

"However, this has much improved during placement,

"and Jake is responding well to praise and firm boundaries."

You're safe, hon, you're safe. You're safe.

"He's come a long way since he first arrived.

"He has a good relationship with both foster carers,

"demonstrating an ability to form a strong attachment..."

LOUD CRASH What are you doing? Oh, my God!

Go away, get out, don't worry. Get up!

"..though he still has issues with trust due to

"his early years' experiences."

HE SNIFFLES

JAKE'S MUM: Let me see him!

SIREN WAILS, INDISTINCT SHOUTING

Jake! Jake! Jake, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please let me see him!

Let me see him! Let me see him!

HE SNIFFLES

SOBS QUIETLY

Is violence hereditary?

No.

I don't think so.

Because what if he ends up hurting us?

What if his dad turns up one day and kills us?

That's highly unlikely, though, isn't it?

But, still...

..there's no way I'd meet them.

They're monsters.

Does that mean that you're...?

I don't know, and...

..he's so far removed from what we originally specified.

He's a boy. I don't like boys...

But you're gay! So I know what they're capable of.

We shouldn't be seduced just because we've met him.

We just need to think about the cold, hard facts.

But he isn't a cold, hard fact any more, is he?

I knew this would happen.

I knew that you would get attached.

He's got some really intense needs and...

Look, I know. I know.

ANDY SIGHS

What would you do, Billy?

IN DEEP VOICE: "Do it.

"Do it!

"Do it!"

Wrong gender, though.

Billy was actually a girl.

No? Really?

They only found out after she died.

That's the thing.

There's always been a place for everyone in Victoria Park.

No matter what their gender.

What?

You're such a twat.

Just think about it.

# You talk like Marlene Dietrich

# And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire

# Your clothes are all made by Balmain

# And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair

# Yes, there are... #

CHEERING

# You live in a fancy apartment

# Off the Boulevard St Michel

# Where you keep your Rolling Stones records

# And a friend of Sacha Distel

# Yes, you do... #

Non! Non!

# But where do you go to, my lovely

# When you're alone in your bed

# Tell me the thoughts that surround you

# I want to look inside your head

# Yes, I do

# I remember the back streets of Naples

# Two children begging in rags

# Both touched with a burning ambition

# To shake off their earthly-born tags, they tried

# So look into my face, Marie-Claire... #

Andy?

# And remember just who you are

# Then go and forget me forever... # What?

Let's do it.

# But I know you still bear the scars

# Deep inside, yes, you do

# I know where you go to, my lovely

# When you're alone in your bed

# I know the thoughts that surround you

# Cos I can look inside your head! #

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

MUSIC ENDS

CHEERING