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[ Distant Bells Tolling ]

[ Rings Doorbell ]

GOOD MORNING.MORNING.

I'D, UH, LIKE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

UM, I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR, FROM UPSTAIRS. LAURENCE.

HOW DO YOU DO? HOW DO YOU DO?

IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING.

AH.AND I HAVE ALSOLIVED HERE...

FOR THREE YEARS NOW.

WELL... WELCOME.

THANK YOU.

WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

A CUP OF TEA MIGHT BE NICE.

CUP OF TEA?

[ Laurence ] HOW--HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THIS?

ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME QUESTIONS,

OR DO I JUST TALK?WHICHEVER YOU PREFER.

- THAT'S THE COUCH, RIGHT? - THE SOFA, YES.

DO I SIT OR LIE?WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO?

MOST PEOPLE SIT.RIGHT.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT LOVE,FRIENDSHIP AND DECEIT.

I-I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE FACTTHAT UP UNTIL THREE DAYS AGO,THERE WERE THREE PEOPLE...

FRIENDS, BEST FRIENDS,SINCE THEIR FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL:

FRANK, DANIEL AND ME.

WE JUST LOOKED OUTFOR EACH OTHER, OR, AT LEAST,I LOOKED OUT FOR THEM.

THAT'S THE WAYIT'S ALWAYS BEEN.

ANYWAY, THREE PEOPLEWHOSE LIVES WERE OKAY.

NOT PERFECT, BUT OKAY.BUT THAT WAS THREE DAYS AGO.

DANIEL WAS IN THE STATES,FINALIZING SOME RECORD DEAL,AND WAS ON HIS WAY HOME.

MATE, WHAT CAN I SAY? YOU ROCK, MAN.I KNOW.

I'M VERY EXCITED. CHUCK, WE'LL SPEAK.THANKS A LOT.

TAKE CARE.BYE.

[ Laurence ]HE'S THIS HOTSHOT EXECUTIVEIN THE MUSIC BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW THE TYPE:REINVENTED THE '70sSINGLE-HANDED,

ONLY FLIES FIRST-CLASS,HITS ON EVERY GOOD-LOOKINGWOMAN IN SIGHT,

WHICH ALWAYS LEADS TO PROBLEMSWITH FRANK.

FRANK. [ Sighs ]WHAT CAN I TELL YOUABOUT FRANK?

HE'S A PENNILESS,OUT-OF-WORK ACTOR...

CONSUMED WITH ENVY FOR DANIEL,AND I'M THE ONESTUCK IN THE MIDDLE.

THERE HAD BEEN SOME COMPETITIONOVER A FRENCH ACTRESS,

AND FRANK WOULDN'TSTOP TALKING ABOUT ITON THE WAY TO DINNER THAT NIGHT.

NICKY THE AGENTCALLS ME UP, ALL RIGHT?

SHE'S GOT THIS FRENCH ACTRESSCOMING OVER FROM PARIS,

AND SHE'S THROWING THISBIG DINNER PARTYIN HER HONOR.

SHE NEEDS MEN.SO SHE WANTS METO BRING DANIEL...

'CAUSE SHE'S READ SOME ARTICLEIN SOME BLOODY MAGAZINE ABOUTHOW BLOODY ELIGIBLE HE IS.

ALL RIGHT, SO WE GET TO THISRESTAURANT, AND THIS FRENCHACTRESS IS LIKE THIS BOMBSHELL.

RIGHT? SO NICKY TAKES ME,ME, AND PLACES ME NEXT TOBOMBSHELL WOMAN, PLACE OF HONOR.

THE CONVERSATION THROUGHTHE EVENING IS REALLY FUNNY,LIKE, REALLY, YOU KNOW--

IT TURNS OUT THAT SHE HASGOT THIS BREAK IN HER SCHEDULECOMING UP THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND,

AND SHE WANTS METO GIVE HER A CALL.

SO, NEXT DAY, I GIVE HER A CALL. NO REPLY.

THE DAY AFTER THAT, I GIVE HER A CALL. NO REPLY.

THE NEXT DAY, NICKY PHONES ME UP TO TELL ME...

THAT BOMBSHELL WOMAN HAS GONE TO VENICE WITH BLOODY DANIEL.

NOW ANSWER ME A QUESTION. IS THAT THE BEHAVIOR OF A FRIEND?

WELL--I'LL TELL YOU, THE ONLY REASON HE WAS INTERESTED...

WAS 'CAUSE I WAS INTERESTED. FRANK, DON'T BE SO PARANOID.

-WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?-SO I TRY AND CONVINCE MYSELF...

THIS STUFF YOU ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT HOW WE'RE THE CLOSEST FRIENDS WE'LL EVER HAVE.

YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? I HATE HIM.

I HATE HIM. HE HATES ME.

THERE'S A PLEASING KIND OF SYMMETRY TO IT.

WE BOTH HATE EACH OTHERWITH THE KIND OF COMMITMENT YOUONLY GET FROM CHILDHOOD FRIENDS.

NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I'M GONNA BREAK HIS NOSE.

BREAK HIS NOSE, THEN HIS BLOODY JAW. JESUS CHRIST!

[ Continues Ranting ][ Laurence ]HE WENT ON AND ON...

IN THE WAYTHAT ONLY FRANK CAN.

THE ACTING THINGWAS GETTING HIM DOWN.

HE HADN'T WORKED IN YEARS,AND HE WAS IN A BAD WAY.

I NEEDED TO TALKTO DANIEL,

BUT DANIEL WAS IN MINNEAPOLISAND ABOUT TO CAUSE USEVEN MORE TROUBLE.

IT ALL BEGANWITH SOMETHING AS SIMPLEAS A TROLLEY.

[ Woman Over P.A. System ]THE WHITE ZONE ISFOR IMMEDIATE LOADING...

AND UNLOADINGOF PASSENGERS ONLY.

NO PARKING.

SORRY, THAT'S MINE.I BEG YOUR PARDON?

THAT'S MY CART.NO, NO, NO, BECAUSE I SAW IT ALL THE WAY BACK THERE.

NO, NO, I JUST PUT $1.50IN THE MACHINE.

REALLY?YES.

WELL, THEN, IT'S YOURS.THANK YOU.

[ Groans ]HEY, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.I ALWAYS HEARD YOU BRITISH GUYSWERE GENTLEMEN.

YOU ARE BRITISH, AREN'T YOU?ENGLISH, ACTUALLY. YEAH.

"ENGLISH, ACTUALLY."THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING:LONDON.

UH-HUH.YEP. THANKS.

I LIKE THE BAGS.YOU GOT THE WHOLE SET, HUH?

- YEAH. - SHARP.

[ Daniel ]DO YOU SEE THAT WOMAN OVER THEREWITH THE YELLOW TOP ON?

I WANT YOU TO UPGRADE HER TICKET AND PUT HER IN THE SEAT NEXT TO ME.

[ Chuckles ] I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DO THAT.

WHY NOT?SHE'S ON A DIFFERENT FLIGHT.

A DIFFERENT--

BUT SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO LONDON.[ Clerk ] OH, SHE IS,

BUT TWO HOURS LATER AND, RATHERCRUCIALLY IN THIS CASE I THINK,WITH A DIFFERENT AIRLINE.

OH, COME ON. YOU PEOPLE HAVE DEALS WITH EACH OTHER.

YOU CAN FIX SOMETHING.

IN THIS CASE, YOU NEEDTO BUY A FRESH TICKET.

THAT'S $5,000. ONE WAY.

NOW, ARE YOU SUREYOU DON'T WANTTO THINK ABOUT THIS?

YOU KNOW, AIRPORTSDO FUNNY THINGS TO PEOPLE.I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.

IN THAT CASE, YOU WANTTO BRING THE LADY OVER, SIR?I NEED TO SEE HER PASSPORT.

NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS HAS TO BE A COINCIDENCE, RIGHT?

SHE MUSTN'T KNOW I DID THIS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT METO DO, SIR?

WELL, MAKE UP SOME EXCUSE...

ABOUT THE FLIGHT BEING FULLOR THERE'S A SPECIAL OFFER...

OR MAYBE THIS AIRLINE JUST PICKED HER.

"JUST PICKED HER"?

[ Attendant ]HERE'S YOUR SEAT, MADAM.

CHAMPAGNE?

[ Woman Chuckling ]HERE COME THE FREEBIES.

IT'S JUST THAT WORD.

"COMPLIMENTARY."IT REALLY GETS ME GOING.

IT'S LIKE IF DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE...

MY FIRST THOUGHT ISN'T: "OH, HOW FABULOUS, HOW WONDERFUL."

NO, IT'S: "HOW MANY?"NOT THAT I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.

NOW, MY EX-HUSBAND, JERRY--WOULD-WOULD-WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME ONE MOMENT?

[ Economy Passengers Fussing ]

[ Baby Gurgling ][ Passengers Chattering ]

[ Laurence ]SOMETHING HAD GONE WRONG.

DANIEL NEEDEDTO MAKE A DECISION.

AT THE TIME IT WASABOUT FIRST CLASS OR ECONOMY,

NOT SOMETHING YOU'D THINKWOULD CHANGE THE RESTOF OUR LIVES.

BUT A LOT CAN HAPPENIN THREE DAYS.

AND IN THREE DAYS, IT'S ALL FALLEN APART.

HI.[ Sighs ] HI.

[ Chuckles ]THIS IS WEIRD, HUH?YES, IT IS.

[ Continues Chuckling ]I'M MARTHA, BY THE WAY.

DANIEL.DANIEL.

HELLO. THAT'S ME.DANIELWITH THE MATCHING BAGS.

OH, DO YOU WANTTO HEAR SOMETHINGINCREDIBLE?YEAH, SURE.

I'M STANDING IN LINE,YOU KNOW, WAITING TO CHECK IN,

WHEN THIS MAN IN UNIFORMWALKS UP TO ME AND HE'S LIKE,

"CONGRATULATIONS, MADAM. YOU ARE THE 100,000th PASSENGER...

TO FLY ON THIS AIRLINETHIS ROUTE THIS YEAR."

REALLY?YES."AND TO MARK THE OCCASION,

A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AIRLINEWOULD LIKE TO FLY YOUFIRST-CLASS TO LONDON."

[ Laughing ]WOW.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAHOW MUCH THOSE SEATS COST?REMIND ME.

FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.[ Gasps, Sighs ]

I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A JACKASSWOULD WASTE MONEY LIKE THAT,YOU KNOW?

[ Martha Laughing ] [ Laughing ]

I TOLD HIM TO GIVE ME THE CASH, BUT HE WOULDN'T. [ Laughing ]

SO I SOLD THE TICKET TO A WOMAN WHO COULDN'T WAIT...

TO GIVE ME $2,000FOR IT.TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS.

PLUS, YOU KNOW, MY SEAT'S FINE.I FEEL GOOD.

[ Laughing ][ Laughing ]

I FEEL GREAT.HOW DO YOU FEEL?GREAT.

[ Woman ]OH, THOSE LOOK FABULOUS.ARE THEY KOSHER PRAWNS?

[ Sniffing Food ]WOULD YOU LIKE ONE OF THESE? SIR?

[ Male Passenger ]I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

[ Shuts Curtain ]

OH. JUST CAN'T KEEP AWAYFROM EACH OTHER.YEAH. [ Laughing ]

CAPTAIN JUST SAID WE'VE GOTA TAILWIND, WHICH MEANS WE'LLBE IN LONDON HALF AN HOUR EARLY,

OH, YEAH, YEAH.WHICH IS GREAT.

SOMEONE MEETING YOU THERE?UH-UH.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONEIN LONDON?NO.

IS IT YOUR FIRST TIMEOUT OF THE STATES?MAYBE.

[ Sighs ]

SO, WHY LONDON?PARIS WAS $300.

OH?L.A. WAS 188.

MEXICO CITY WAS 350. SEATTLE WAS 130.

LONDON WAS 99.[ Steward ]EXCUSE ME.

YOU'RE COMING TO LONDONBECAUSE IT WAS $99?YEAH.

IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD PLACE TO START.START WHAT?

THE REST OF MY LIFE.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE NEVER GOING BACK?

NOTHING TO GO BACK FOR...

EXCEPT WORKING LIKE A MULE,AN APARTMENT I CAN'T AFFORD,

AND... A MAN WHO USED METO AMUSE HIS FRIENDS.OH, WOW.

[ Sighs ]

YOU THINK I'M CRAZY?NO, NO, NO, NO. OF COURSE, I DON'T.

WELL, ACTUALLY, YES. YES, I DO.

HOW MUCH MONEY DID YOU BRING?DO YOU MIND ME ASKING?THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS.

THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS. THEY'D HAVE PUT YOU ON THE FIRST PLANE BACK.

[ Softly ] YEAH, RIGHT.

EVEN WITH NICE, BRITISHGENTLEMEN LIKE YOURSELF AROUND,DANIEL?

HMM?

THE TICKET, DANIEL.WHAT TICKET? [ Pulls Down Shade ]

[ Mocks British Accent ]"WHAT TICKET?"

YOU DIDN'T EXPECT METO BELIEVE THAT STORY,DID YOU?

- AH, THE 100-- - LOOK, PLEASE, I'M FLATTERED, REALLY.

NO ONE'S EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT FOR ME BEFORE.

THANK YOU.

[ Raises Shade ]

PLUS, NOW I HAVE $2,035.

[ Daniel ]OUR CONVERSATION EARLIER, IDON'T THINK YOU'RE CRAZY AT ALL.

I WORK 70 HOURS A WEEK,AND I EARN A FORTUNE,

AND YOU KNOWHOW BIG MY FLAT IS?

THREE THOUSAND SQUARE FEET.

THE DAY AFTER I MOVED IN,I PAID HALF A DOZEN PEOPLE I'DNEVER MET BEFORE TO DECORATE IT.

AND ONE OF THE ROOMS THEY CALLED THE LIBRARY,

AND THEY FILLED IT FULL OF BOOKS,

THOUSANDS OF BOOKS ON EVERY SUBJECT.

AND THEY'RE ALL SECONDHAND.

- YOU KNOW WHY? - IT WAS CHEAPER?

NO, SO IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'VE BEEN READ.

AH.[ Turns Light Off ]

YOU SEE, I HAVE THE HOME OF A WIDELY READ, WIDELY TRAVELED,

DEEPLY INTERESTING MAN WITH TASTE.

AND THAT'S NOT YOU.NO.

NOT EVEN THE INTERESTING BIT?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?

YOU SHOULD JUST PACK UPAND CLEAR OUT.

BRING THINGS BACKFROM YOUR TRAVELS.

YOU KNOW,PUTTING THE BOOKS UP ONE BY ONEAFTER YOU'VE READ THEM.

JUST PACK UP AND GO, HUH?

MM-HMM.

TO HELL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES,YOU KNOW.

YEAH, ONE DAY I MIGHT JUST DO THAT.

♪♪

LOOK, UM,I SHOULDN'T BE DOINGTHIS, OKAY,

BUT THERE'S THIS HOTELMY COMPANY HASAN ARRANGEMENT WITH,

AND AS A WELCOME TO LONDON AND A TOKEN OF GOODWILL,

I'D LIKE YOU TO STAY THEREON YOUR FIRST NIGHT.

MM-MM, NO. YOU KNOW I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT.WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

NO STRINGS.NO STRINGS.PLEASE.

AND YOU HAVE TO JOIN MEFOR LUNCH TOMORROW.

THAT'S THE CATCH. THAT'S THE CATCH.YOU THINK THAT'S THE CATCH?

MANY PEOPLE WOULD BE DELIGHTEDBY THAT.OH, YEAH.

SO, THAT'S THE ADDRESSOF THE HOTEL, OKAY,AND HERE'S MY CARD.

DANIEL WITH THE MATCHING BAGS. CUTE.

DOES IT SAY THATON THE CARD?YEAH.

WELL, NO.NO.

SO YOU RING ME TOMORROW,YEAH?OH, YEAH, I WON'T FORGET.

YOU WON'T FORGET?UH-UH. FIRST THING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.[ Customs Agent ] THANK YOU.

PASSPORT, PLEASE, SIR.

OH.THANK YOU.

[ People Laughing, Chattering ]

[ Continue Laughing, Chattering ]

[ Ringing, Line Connected ]HELLO. IT'S DANIEL ALFREY.

YEAH, HAS SHE ARRIVED? OH, EXCELLENT.

I WANT YOU TO GET A BOUQUETAND SEND IT UP TO HER ROOM.WOULD YOU DO THAT?

[ Guests Chattering ]NO, NO. NO PREFERENCES. I'M SURE IT'LL BE BEAUTIFUL.

[ Chuckles ] THANK YOU.

BYE. [ Hangs Up Receiver ]

♪♪

WHAT, DOES HE THINK I'M BLIND?IT'S RIGHT THERE ON PAGE TWOOF THE CONTRACT.

SO TELL HIM TO SIGN IT AND GET IT OVER HERE BY LUNCHTIME.

RIGHT, OKAY? BYE.MARTHA DOWLING.

SHE'S NOT A CLIENT, IS SHE?

UH, NO, NOT EXACTLY. NO.

THIS HOTEL BILL MYSTERIOUSLY FOUND ITS WAY INTO COMPANY EXPENSES.

I WAS ABOUT TO AUTHORIZE IT AND THEN REALIZED YOU'D OBVIOUSLY MADE A MISTAKE...

AND WERE INTENDING TO SETTLE IT YOURSELF.

YEAH, YEAH. NO, I WAS, I WAS.OF COURSE, I WAS.

CHAMPAGNE FOR TWO AT MIDNIGHT?

[ Footsteps Departing ] FOR TWO?

IT WAS UNPRECEDENTED;DANIEL BEING GIVENTHE RUNAROUND BY A WOMAN.

YOU CAN IMAGINEWHAT FOLLOWED.

PHONE CALLS, PHONE CALLS,MORE PHONE CALLS.

SUDDENLY,DANIEL NEEDED US AFTER ALL.

I LOVE MY MOTHER. I LOVE MY MOTHER.

I LOVE MY MOTHER.FRANK, COME ON, PLEASE.

[ Phone Ringing ]I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE GOTTHIS AUDITION IN TWO HOURS.

FRANK, HE SOUNDED DESPERATE.[ Laughing ]WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

PLEASE. COME ON.

CHRIST. WELL, I'M GONNABREAK HIS NOSE; FIRST HIS NOSE,THEN HIS FLIPPIN' JAW.

GET THIS: HE EVEN OFFERED TO PAY FOR THE MEAL.

FUCK.

THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.

I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON WORK. I CAN'T EAT.

[ Waitress ] HERE YOU GO. DO I LOOK PALE?

[ Frank ]I CAN'T BELIEVEWE HAD TO MEET ABOUT THIS.

FRANK, SHE WAS GIVING ME THE SIGNALS, OKAY? A MAN CAN TELL.

YEAH, RIGHT.LIKE CHAMPAGNE AT MIDNIGHTWITH SOMEBODY ELSE?

YOU'RE A MUSK MAGNET,DANIEL.IF YOU'D MET HER, YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

[ Frank ]I'VE BEEN TRYING TO UNDERSTANDSINCE WE GOT HERE.

SO YOU MEET SOME GIRLAT AN AIRPORT, YOU GET A BIGRUSH OF BLOOD TO YOUR HEAD,

IT COSTS YOU A FORTUNE,AND BECAUSE SHE TREATS YOULIKE A JERK, YOU FALL IN LOVE.

IF HUMILIATIONIS WHAT YOU DESIRE,

I'LL ARRANGE IT GLADLYANYTIME.

IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.BUT DON'T LET THIS...

MARTHA.MARTHA...RUIN YOUR LIFE.

WHAT'S THE BIG ATTRACTIONANYWAY?

DID YOU SCREW HER?

[ Groans ]I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID THAT.

WELL, SHE'S OBVIOUSLYSCREWING EVERYONE ELSE.SHE'S DIFFERENT, FRANK.

SHE'S DIFFERENT FROM ANYBODY I'VE EVER MET.OH.

LAURENCE, HELP ME OUT HERE. YOU UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS.

DESCRIBE FOR FRANK THE PERFECT WOMAN.[ Laughing ]

[ Daniel ] PLEASE.I'M SORRY.NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING SAD.

THE PERFECT WOMAN?

WELL, SHE'D, UM-- SHE'D HAVE A LIGHT IN HER EYES...

YES.

AND AN INFECTIOUS, WONDERFUL SMILE.[ Daniel ] YES.

YES.TALKING TO HER,

YOU TOLD HER THINGS YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE,I DID. I DID THAT.

BEGAN TO SEE THINGS IN A WAY YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM.YES, YES.

LEAVING HER, YOU KNEW SOMEHOW THINGS HAD IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED,

WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.YES, YES, YES, YES!

EXACTLY! THANK YOU.

SO HE DIDN'T SCREW HER.OF COURSE I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER!

APART FROM THE FACT THAT I DON'T SLEEP WITH ANYBODY ON A FIRST DATE,

WE WERE ON AN AIRPLANE TOGETHER.

- EVERYONE HAS SEX ON AIRPLANES.- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHERE?"WHERE?"I-IN THE COCKPIT.

I-IN THE TOILET. IN THE--I DID IT BETWEEN LONDONAND AMSTERDAM.

[ Scoffs ] LONDON AND AMSTERDAM'S 40 MINUTES.

THEY DON'T EVEN LET YOU OUT--I DIDN'T SAYIT WAS GREAT SEX.

IT WAS A RUSH JOB.UH-HUH. AND HOW DID YOU DO IT,STANDING UP OR SITTING DOWN?

WHAT DO YOU WANT,A FLIPPIN' VIDEO?WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

HEY... LOOK AT FLORENCE.HMM?

[ Daniel ]YOU OKAY?YEAH, FINE.

YEAH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, FLO?A BIT PALE.OH, IT'S NOTHING.

WHAT'S YOUR OPINIONON ALL THIS, MATE?

MY OPINION?

I WAS JUST THINKING, THE FACTTHAT SHE HASN'T CALLED YOU...

DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN SHE'S NOT INTERESTED.[ Daniel ] YOU DON'T THINK?

NO, PLUS WE SHOULD CONSIDER MOST WOMEN THAT MEET YOU DO FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE.

NOT ALL OF THEM, NO.I SEE NO REASON WHY THIS ONE SHOULD BE ANY DIFFERENT.

SHE MAY HAVE JUST LOST YOUR CARD.SHE MAY HAVE LOST MY CARD.

AND MAY BE WALKING AROUND LONDON RIGHT NOW, WISHING SHE KNEW WHERE TO FIND YOU.

YOU SEE? THAT IS FRIENDSHIP.YEAH, YEAH.

THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OFTHE CARD. THANK YOU, LAURENCE.

THANK YOU. I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.[ Waitress ] THANK YOU.

SPLIT THIS THREE WAYS?

[ Scoffing ]WILL WE? BOLLOCKS!IT'S OVER A HUNDRED QUID.

SO?SO I CAN'T AFFORD THAT.

YOU SUGGESTED THISYUPPED-UP, OVERPRICED DUMP.YOU FLIPPIN' PAY.

FRANK, PLEASE, IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT, THEN STAY AT HOME.

HONESTLY. BECAUSE THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME. IT'S EMBARRASSING.

THANK YOU. KEEP THE CHANGE.THANK YOU, SIR.

MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T PISS AWAYWHAT LITTLE MONEY YOU HAVE...

ON CHEAP WINEAND SPACE INVADERS--MAYBE IF I DIDN'T PISS AWAY...

WHAT LITTLE MONEY I HAVEON YUPPIE POSING PARLORS,

I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA PUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUT.LIKE THIS DUMP--

YEAH, DREAM ON, SAD BOY.TOUCH ME WITH ONE FINGERAND YOU DIE.

SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU! YOU REALLY WANT TO HIT EACH OTHER, HIT EACH OTHER.

JUST GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH.ANYTHING BUT TALKING ABOUT ITALL THE TIME.

IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE.

IT WAS YOUR FAULT. LET'S GO.

COME ON, GET UP.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

LAURENCE, LAURENCE. BYE-BYE, MATE.SEE YOU.

SORRY.I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU.

BYE.TAXI!

ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN MEANING TOSPEAK TO YOU ABOUT THE ACTRESS.YEAH, JUST DON'T.

IT'S JUST NICKY MENTIONED HOWUPSET YOU WERE, SO I THOUGHT--I WAS-- I WAS NOT UPSET!

YOU KNOW, LAURENCE WAS CONCERNEDENOUGH ABOUT YOUR CONDITION...

TO DRIVE TO THE AIRPORT TO SPEAK TO ME ABOUT YOU.JUST--

BECAUSE YOUR BEHAVIOR RECENTLYHAS BEEN A LITTLE CRAZY, OKAY?

YOU WANT MY OPINION?

YOU SHOULD GO OUT THERE. YOU SHOULD DO THIS AUDITION.

YOU SHOULD GET A LIFE.

AND MAYBE THEN...

YOU WOULDN'T BE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS.

TAXI!

[ Car Approaching ][ Mumbles ]

CITY, PLEASE.

[ Frank ]I LOVE MY MOTHER DEEPLY,BUT THEN SHE SMOKES,

SHE DRINKS, SHE QUITE OPENLYLIVES WITH THAT NOVELIST SHE--

BUT THEN SHE...

SMOKES... SHE DRINKS--

SHE QUITE OPENLY LIVES WITH THAT NOVELIST.

[ Accented ]I LOVE MY MOTHER!

[ Campy ] I LOVE MY MOTHER DEEPLY.

SHE SMOKES, SHE DRINKS, SHE QUITE OPENLY LIVES WITH THAT NOVELIST.

IS THIS SO-- SHIT.

[ Actors Chattering, Warming Up, Yawning ]

[ Nonsensical Vocalizing, Breathing Deeply ]

FRANCIS McEWAN.

♪ PAPA'S GOT A HEAD LIKE A PING-PONG BALL ♪

♪ PAPA'S GOT A HEAD LIKE A PING-PONG BALL ♪

♪ PAPA'S GOT A HEAD LIKE A PING-PONG BALL, LIKE A PING, LIKE A PING-PONG BALL ♪

♪ PAPA'S GOT A HEAD LIKE A PING-PONG PING-PONG, PING-PONG ♪

♪ PING-PONG PING-PONG BALL ♪♪

[ Director ]OKAY, AND NEXT?[ Assistant ] LARRY, THANK YOU.

UNCLE, WHAT COULD BE SILLIEROR MORE HOPELESS...

THAN THE POSITIONI FOUND MYSELF IN OFTEN ENOUGH?

SOLID ROWS OF CELEBRITIESSITTING IN HER DRAWING ROOM.

[ Director ]GOOD. OKAY, LET'S GOTO THE NEXT ONE.

WHAT IS IT, FRANK? FRANK McEWAN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE'S GONE?

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU WALKTHROUGH THIS PARK, YOU GETA UNIQUE HISTORY OF ENGLAND?

HMM?MM-MM.

OH, YEAH. IT SAYS IF YOU GO NORTH,

YOU SEETHE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT,TELLING US THIS IS A DEMOCRACY.

IF YOU GO WEST, YOU SEE THE QUEEN'S GUARDS,

REMINDING US THIS IS A MONARCHY.

IF YOU LOOK EAST, YOU SEETHE FLAGS OF THE COMMONWEALTH,

REMINDING US THIS WAS ONCE AN EMPIRE.

AND IF YOU-- IF YOU... LOOK SOUTH,

YOU GET WATER,REMINDING US...

THAT THIS IS AN ISLAND.

DID YOU KNOW THAT THE CITYOF LONDON IS BUILT ON ANCIENTROMAN BURIAL GROUNDS?

NO. NO, DIDN'T KNOW THAT. NO.OH, YEAH.

THERE'S OVER 150 DIFFERENTLANGUAGES SPOKEN IN LONDON...

AND THAT THE RESIDENTIAL POPULATION IS 8 MILLION, RISING TO 10 MILLION...

IN THE SUMMERTIME.

HMM.TEN MILLION PEOPLE.

THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE.YEP.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR ONE.

ONE IN TEN MILLION.

SIR?HMM?

CAN I HAVE A SIP OF YOUR DRINK?I'M OUT.

THANK YOU.

I'M MARTHA, BY THE WAY.

[ Laughing ] I KNOW.

[ Continues Laughing ] YOU CAN'T KNOW.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLEFOR YOU TO KNOW.YEAH, YOU'RE MARTHA.

YOU'RE AMERICAN, AND YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE YOU THINK--

THAT YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH BECAUSE YOU FEEL IT RIGHT HERE,

DON'T YOU? NO. ACTUALLY, IT WAS HERE.

HERE? HERE.

IT WAS LIKE A THUNDERBOLT. A THUNDERBOLT?

MM-HMM.RIGHT. WHAT DOES THAT FEEL LIKE?

JUST FOR MY EDUCATION,WHAT DOES THAT FEEL LIKE,TO BE STRUCK BY A THUNDERBOLT?

IT HAPPENED IN THE AIRPORT.

I WAS CARRYING MY BAGS, YOU KNOW?YEAH?

CROWDS EVERYWHERE, CONFUSION, YOU KNOW?

AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDENTHERE WAS NO MORE NOISE.

THERE WAS JUST HIM, AND THERE WAS ME.

[ Laughs ] AND I FELT SICK, YOU KNOW?

AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY...

BECAUSE THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN.

UH-UH. THE PLAN WAS A FUTUREOF IRRESPONSIBLE LIAISONS...

AND ROADS PAVED IN GOLD.

THE PLAN WAS NOT WAKING UPALONE IN A HOTEL ROOM, LONELY...

AND IN LOVE, BOOKING THE FIRST FLIGHT HOME.

WHAT? Y-Y-YOU'RE GOING HOME?

YEAH, THERE'S A FLIGHTTHAT LEAVES TOMORROW NIGHT.

ISN'T IT PATHETIC, HUH?

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS INTO A BRAND-NEW LIFE,

AND I COMPLETELY CHOKE.

[ Sighs ] NOW MY ONLY HOPE IS THAT WHEN I GO HOME,

NO ONE WILL HAVE EVEN NOTICED THAT I LEFT.

THAT WAY I CAN GET MY JOB BACKAND MY APARTMENT.

[ Crying ] OH, MY GOD.

[ Laughs ]THAT WHISKEY REALLY HIT ME.

[ Laughs ] YEAH. YEAH. ME TOO.

[ Thunder Rumbles ][ Chattering ]

[ Woman ] WE'RE GONNA GET SOAKED. [ Laughing ]

[ Continues Laughing ] [ Laughs ]

[ Frank ] THEY REALLY SHOULD KNOW BY NOW.

YEAH. OH--

LISTEN, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D CONSIDER...

TAKING A COFFEE WITH A CERTAIN...

PATHETIC, SPINELESS DRUNK?

THEY SAY,"LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE," RIGHT?

THEY DO, DON'T THEY?

[ Martha, Frank Laughing ]

OH, MY GOD, I'M SOAKED! [ Groaning ]

COFFEE OR TEA?YEAH, I'LL HAVE TEA. HERE.

UH, TWO TEAS, PLEASE, MATE.[ Waiter ]RIGHT YOU ARE, SON.

[ Line Ringing ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

[ Laurence ] HELLO?YEAH, IT'S ME. ME!

I'VE GOT HER.WHO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHO? HER! DANIEL'S AMERICAN!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "GOT HER"?EATING OUT OF MY HAND.

YOU KNOW, PUPILS-DILATINGKIND OF "GOT HER."

FRANK, TELL ME, WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

[ Frank ]IN THE CAFE IN THE PARK.I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL DANIEL.

I AM REALLY GOING TO ENJOY THIS.

FRANK, LISTEN TO ME.LOOK, I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FORA MORAL DISCUSSION, FLORENCE.

[ Laurence ]IT WAS THE WORST THINGTHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

AND WITH THE DESTRUCTIVE MOODFRANK WAS IN, LEFT ALONETO SEDUCE HER,

[ Sighs ] WELL...

YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW I FELT.

[ Laughs ]

YOU KNOW, YOUR FACE IS SO FAMILIAR TO ME.

YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY.

MY FACE IS PROBABLY FAMILIARBECAUSE AS A CHILD, I WASA SUCCESSFUL WORKING ACTOR.

WOW.YEAH.THEN IT ALL FELL APART.

IT'S NOT SUCH A BAD LIFE.

YOU KNOW,I OCCASIONALLY GET...

A "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO" COLUMNWRITTEN ABOUT MEIN THE NEWSPAPERS.

EVERY COUPLE OF CHRISTMASES,THEY RERUN SOME OF MY OLD FILMS.

I GET A WHOLE NEWBATCH OF LOVE LETTERSFROM SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRLS.

I'M VERY BIGWITH SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRLS.

THAT'S IT?

- YOU DON'T GET LOVE LETTERS FROM ANYONE ELSE? - W-WHY?

"WHY?" YOU KNOW, YOU'RE FUNNY.

YOU HAVE A NICE SMILE. SOMEONE MIGHT BE MISSING OUT.

WHERE'S MR. ONE-IN-TEN-MILLIONNOW THEN?

- HMM? - FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT HIM, DIDN'T YOU?

THAT'S NOT TRUE.[ Laughing ]YES, IT IS.

YOU WERE SITTING THERE,AND YOU WERE THINKING,"GOSH, YES, THIS MAN IS OKAY.

HE'S BETTER THAN I THOUGHT."YOU THINK WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN MEET EACH OTHER,

THAT'S THE ONLY THINGTHAT GOES THROUGH THEIR MINDS?

OF COURSE. YEAH, WHEN THEY'REATTRACTED TO ONE ANOTHER.

IN FACT,MOST PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTEDTO JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY.

THIS PERFECT PARTNER BOLLOCKSIS JUST A HOAX; A PHYSICAL,CHEMICAL IMPOSSIBILITY.

YOU KNOW WHY?HMM?

MY PERFECT PARTNER IS ME.

- YOU? - ME WITH BREASTS.

OKAY... I'VE HEARD ENOUGH NOW.[ Laughing ] NO, IT WOULD BETHE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.

WE LIKE THE SAME FOOD.WE LIKE THE SAME MUSIC.THE SEX WOULD BE GREAT.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?

THE POINT IS, THERE IS NO "ONE IN TEN MILLION."

YOU DON'T THINK SO, HUH?NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

THEN WE'LL AGREE TO DIFFER.WHATEVER YOU SAY.

NICE MEETING YOU.YEAH.

EXCUSE ME, SIR. YOU HAVEN'T PAID YOUR BILL.

DIDN'T SHE-SHE--RIGHT.

OH, NO, I'LL BE BACK IN ABOUT HALF AN HOUR. JUST LEAVE--NO!

I'LL BE BACK FOR CHANGE LATER.

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

YOU SEE, YOU'VE STILL GOT24 HOURS TO BE AS IRRESPONSIBLEAS YOU LIKE. [ Sighs ]

LOOK, FRANK, WE HAD A CUP OF TEA, ALL RIGHT?

I THINK WE SHOULD JUST GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS.YEAH.LOOK, WE COULD ALWAYS SWAP.

YOU SEE, YOU STAY HERE.I GO TO MINNEAPOLIS OR WHEREVER.

HAVE YOU GOT HOT, RUNNING WATER?

[ Laughing ] IF YOU HAVE, IT'S A DAMN SIGHT MORE THAN I'VE GOT.

I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT, BUT--WHATEVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR LIFE,

THEY CANNOT BE AS DEPRESSING AS MINE!

HA! I WOULDN'T BET ON IT!

OH. O-OKAY, OKAY, TRY ME.COME ON.

I LIVE IN A DAMP, SINGLE-STORY KENNEL.

THE WINDOWS NEED REPAIRING.MM-HMM.

THE GAS LEAKS.UH-HUH. I LIVE ON THE 16thFLOOR OF A HOUSING PROJECT.

OH, YEAH?I SLEEP TO THE SOUND OF POLICEHELICOPTERS AND GUNFIRE.

OKAY, OKAY. PARENTS: I DON'T HAVE ANY.

WELL, NOT THAT TALK TO ME.[ Chuckles ]O-OKAY.

MY FATHER DIED WHEN I WAS THREE,AND MY MOTHER LEFT ME TO BECOMEA SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST.

OKAY, IN THE LAST FEW HOURS,I HAVE BLOWN THE BIGGEST JOBOPPORTUNITY I'LL HAVE IN YEARS.

OH, THIS PAST YEAR ALONE,I APPLIED FOR 13 JOBS.NONE CALLED BACK.

AND MY WAGE WAS CUTTO $1.80 AN HOUR.

IN THE LAST MONTH, I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED...

AND SPENT THREE NIGHTS IN JAIL...

AFTER POLICE FOUND ME UNCONSCIOUS IN THE STREETS!

WHAT?[ Laughs ]

YEAH.YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IT'S--

NO, YOU ROLL YOUR EYESAND EVERYTHING. YOU PRETENDYOU DISAPPROVE,

BUT, THE FACT IS, YOU LIKE MEMORE THAN YOU DID AN HOUR AGO,DON'T YOU?[ Laughing ]

[ Martha ] YOU'RE INSANE--

[ Frank Laughing ]I LOVE THIS PLACE.IT'S SO FULL OF HYPOCRITES.

LOOK AT THAT BLOKEPRETENDING HE'S INTERESTEDIN THE PAINTINGS.

LOOK AT HIM. LOOK!

[ Frank Laughing ]

OH, LOOK AT THIS ONE. LOOK.

WHAT DOES THAT PRATCARE ABOUT ART?

HE'S READ IN SOME MAGAZINE,THIS IS THE BEST PICKUP JOINTIN LONDON.

- THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING HERE. - THAT IS SUCH A CYNICAL ATTITUDE.

IT'S REALISTIC. PEOPLE COME TO ART GALLERIES FOR THE SEX.

[ Laughs ]RIGHT, SEE THAT COUPLE OVER THERE?

THEY'RE HERE TO LOOKAT THE PAINTINGS.

THERE'S NOTHING MORE BORING THAN LOOKING AT PAINTINGS.

ONLY REASON ANYONE EVERCOMES TO AN ART GALLERYIS TO GET LAID.

I SAY THEY'RE INTERESTED IN ART.

[ Laughs ]ALL RIGHT,WE'LL DO AN EXPERIMENT.

UH-UH.NO, NO. COME ON, COME ON.

I'LL WALK THAT WAY. YOU WALK THAT WAY.OKAY.

BY THE TIME WE MEET, I GUARANTEE YOU,

SOME SINGLE MAN WITH AN INTEREST IN ART...

WILL HAVE COME UP TO YOUAND GONE, "OH, YES,I SEE YOU LIKE THIS PIECE.

PERHAPS WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT OVER A COFFEE?"

OKAY.BACK HERE, TWO MINUTES.

THAT WAY? ALL RIGHT.THAT'S RIGHT.

[ Laughing ]

[ Continues Laughing ]

[ Laurence ]AND THAT WAS IT:SHE JUST DISAPPEARED.

YOU HAVE TWO SELF-OBSESSED FRIENDS LOCKED INTO A FRUITLESS RIVALRY.

THEY DON'T GIVE A CARE IN THE WORLD ABOUT YOU OR YOUR WELL-BEING.

SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WE NEED TO GO BACKTO THE AIRPORT IN LONDON.DO WE HAVE TIME?

HALF AN HOUR.

WHEN I FOUND OUT DANIEL HAD BEEN IN MINNEAPOLIS,

I DECIDED TO MEET HIS FLIGHT.

I FELT WE NEEDED TO TALK ABOUT FRANK.

I KNEW IF I DIDN'T GET HIM ALONE--

SO I WENT TO THE AIRPORT.

YOU REMEMBER I MENTIONEDTHE PLANE HAD A TAILWIND?

WELL, IT ARRIVEDHALF AN HOUR EARLY.

[ Groans ]

[ Woman ]ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M FINE. I'M OKAY. THANK YOU.

[ Announcer ]AIRTOURS INTERNATIONAL.FINAL CALL.

FLIGHT NUMBER AI8-745TO DELAWARE...

IS NOW BOARDINGAT GATE 16.

SIR! WHERE ARE THE TAXIS?

UH, FAR DOORS, FOLLOW THE SIGNS.THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OW! JESUS!I'M REALLY SORRY.

OH, GOD. WHAT THE HELLIS HAPPENING TO ME? I DID NOT SEE YOU THERE.

ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU SURE?I DON'T KNOWWHAT IS HAPPENING.

I'M JUST TIRED, AND I'VE BEEN TRAVELING A LONG WAY.NO, NO, NO, I'M FINE.

I'M FINE, I'M FINE. I'M OKAY. ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.I'M OKAY.DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY.

IT'S JUST NOT MY LUCKY...ARE YOU OKAY?

DAY.

[ Groans, Laughs ]

I'M OKAY. YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE OKAY?

YEAH.OKAY. SORRY.

FINE.

NEXT, PLEASE.EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME! PARDON ME, PARDON ME!

SORRY. HI, I'D LIKE YOU TO PAGE SOMEONE FOR ME, PLEASE.

I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. ALL I KNOW IS I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM.

RIGHT. I'LL NEEDHIS FLIGHT DETAILS, MA'AM.NO, I'M SAYING...

I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM, BUT THAT IT'S JUST--

YOU KNOW... YOU WATCH A LOT OF SPORTS ON TV?

YES.

LIKE GLADIATOR ROUGH WRESTLING KIND OF THING? YEAH?

RIGHT. I THINK I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR COLLEAGUE.

[ Whispers ] THIS IS KIND OF A WOMAN'S THING.

I'M NOT SURE A MAN THAT WATCHESA LOT OF SPORTS WOULD UNDERSTANDWHAT I'M SAYING.

NOTHING AGAINST YOU.GILLIAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEALWITH THIS CUSTOMER, PLEASE?

HOW CAN I HELP?

HI. [ Clears Throat ]

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN--YOU KNOW, A COMPLETE STRANGER--

AND THAT'S THE ONE! THAT'S HIM!

MADAM--IT JUST HITS YOU RIGHT HERE, AND YOU KNOW IT.

MADAM, THIS IS AN AIRPORTINFORMATION DESK. I KNOW.

WE DEAL WITH LOST PROPERTY,FLIGHT ARRIVAL TIMES.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS WOULD MEAN TO ME.

PLEASE. MADAM, I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO--

GIVE ME THAT MICROPHONE.

[ Man Sighs ]

I DO THIS IN THE NAMEOF SPORTS-WATCHING,ROMANTICALLY MINDED MEN:

A MUCH MALIGNED, MISUNDERSTOOD MINORITY.

[ Sighs ]LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,THIS IS AIRPORT INFORMATION.

- WOULD A GENTLEMAN WEARING A...- A BROWN, BROWN COAT AND...- BROWN COAT...

[ Martha ]LIKE A WHITE T-SHIRT.[ Man ] WHITE SHIRT, T-SHIRT,

- KHAKI PANTS. - K-K-- - KHAKI PANTS.

A PAIR OF TROUSERS,REPORT TO THE INFORMATION DESKNOW, PLEASE.

[ Woman ] OKAY, READY.COME ON. BACK IT UP.

COME ON, BACK A BIT FURTHER.[ Laurence ] OH, NO!WHAT'S GOING ON?

[ Groans ] GUYS, STOP! THAT'S MY CAR!

SORRY. I LOST SOMEONE. [ Laughs ]

- GENTLEMAN OVER THERE? - UH-OH. NO, IT'S--

NO?CAN YOU TRY ONE MORE TIME, JUST REALLY QUICK?

WELL, I COULD, BUT WE'VE GOTAN AWFUL LOT OF PEOPLE.I KNOW, BUT HE DIDN'T HEAR.

PLEASE, GIVE ME TWO SECONDS![ Horn Honking ]

[ Groans ]HAVEN'T YOU GOT ANY COMPASSION?I'VE ONLY BEEN TWO SECONDS!

WOULD A GENTLEMAN WEARINGA WHITE T-SHIRT OR SHIRT,

KHAKI PANTS AND DEFINITELYBROWN SHOES OR BOOTS,

PLEASE REPORT TO THE INFORMATIONDESK NOW, PLEASE.NEVER MIND.

[ Traffic Honking ][ Muttering ]

BE WARNED. AWAY YOU GO.

BLOODY HELL, MATE. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WHAT THE BLOODY HELLDO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?SHIT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

[ All Chattering ][ Pedestrian ]DID YOU SEE ME?

[ All Arguing ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

[ Continues Arguing ]

- [ Opens Car Door ] - HI.

LOOK, YOU'RE IN ABSOLUTELYNO CONDITION TO DRIVE,

AND I NEED THE RIDE TO LONDON,SO WHY DON'T YOU GET IN?

YOU WANT ME TO--[ Martha ]YES, GO AROUND THE BACK.

- HOP IN. GO ON. - [ Sighs ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.[ Starting Engine ]

[ Continues Arguing ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

[ Traffic Honking ]

OKAY, HERE'S THE DEAL:I'M GONNA DRIVE YOU INTO LONDON,

AND I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUFOR AN EXPENSIVE DINNERAT THE BLACKS HOTEL.

DO YOU KNOW IT?YEAH, IT'S A VERY FAMOUS HOTEL.

OH, GOOD.SO WE'LL EAT FAMOUS LAMBWITH MINT SAUCE.

OKAY.

[ Groans ]OH, I'M MARTHA, BY THE WAY.

LAURENCE.LAURENCE.

[ Softly ]LAURENCE. LAURENCE.

[ Laurence ] YOU CAN DRIVE?[ Martha ]YEAH. GOOD.

WHOOPS. SORRY.THERE YOU GO. EASY.YOU ALL RIGHT?

NO, YOU'RE NOT.LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE NOT OKAY AT ALL,ARE YOU? HUH?

[ Laurence ]OF COURSE I WASN'T ALL RIGHT.

I JUST BEENKNOCKED UNCONSCIOUSAND NOW AN AMERICAN,

WHO'S NEVER DRIVEN A STICK SHIFTBEFORE, WAS DRIVING MY CARON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!

GOT YOU SOME ICE.

OW.

NO, NO, NO, I'M FINE.IS THAT BETTER?

OW. I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU ANYWAY.

IT WAS QUITE AN IMPRESSION YOU MADE.

OH, REALLY?

THE BLOOD; YOU KNOW, FALLING INTO MY ARMS.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?I TEACH BRIDGE.

OH.[ Laughs ] IT'S A CARD GAME.

OH, SO YOU'RE A GAMBLER?OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

ACTUALLY, I MAINLY TEACH OLD LADIES.AH, OLD LADIES.

SO I GET IT. YOU'RE LIKEA GIGOLO AND A GAMBLER.NO, NOT QUITE.

TO BE A TEACHER, YOU MUST BE PRETTY GOOD, HUH?GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE.

WATER? COMING UP. SO, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED?

NOT FOR A WHILE, HUH?NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? AREN'T YOU GOOD ENOUGH?

[ Radio Deejay Chattering ]

YEAH, THAT'S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

♪♪ [ Radio ]

I'M, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

NO, NO,DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.NO, THAT WAS REALLY DUMB.

THAT WAS REALLY STUPID. I'M SORRY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.

JUST... SOMETIMESWHEN I GET NERVOUS, YOU KNOW,I JUST SAY THE DUMBEST THINGS.

WHEN I GET NERVOUS, I NEVER SAY ANYTHING.

I JUST SIT THERE AND GET UPTIGHT.

[ Laurence ] GREAT.SHE'D KNOWN ME JUST 10 MINUTES,

AND ALREADY HAD ME DOWNAS A FAILED CARD PLAYER...

STUCK IN A DEAD-END JOBFOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

[ Man ]♪ IT'S FOOLS LIKE US

♪ ALWAYS FOOLS

♪ BY THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE ♪

♪ LIFE ON THE COOL

♪ HOW DOES IT TURN ♪OH--

I COULD'VE TOLD HER ABOUTTHE DREAMS I HAD.

THE PLANS I WAS MAKINGTO PACK UP AND LEAVE.

THE MAP ON MY WALL COVEREDIN PLACES I'D GO AS SOONAS I'D SAVED THE MONEY.

BUT THAT WAS SOMETHINGI TOLD NO ONE.

THAT WAS MY OWN SECRET.♪♪ [ Continues ]

SO THIS IS LONDON, HUH?YEAH.

LIVED HERE ALL YOUR LIFE?YEAH.

YEAH?

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART?

UM, MY FAVORITE?WELL, IT'S A LITTLE CORNEROF MY LOCAL PARK.

PLAYING CHESSIN THE RAIN.

THERE'S A TINY BANDSTANDSURROUNDED BY TREES. AH.

SEE, NOW THAT IS A LOCAL'S TIP.

IN MINNEAPOLIS, ALL THE VISITORS HEAD STRAIGHT...

FOR THE MALL OF AMERICA OR THE VIKING STADIUM.

BUT THE LOCALS-- THERE'S THIS PERFECT LITTLE SPOT AT THE TOP OF LINDEN HILLS.

THE LINDEN HILLS?THE LINDEN HILLS.

IF I EVER GO, I'LL REMEMBER.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

I-IF YOU MET A COMPLETE STRANGER ON AN AIRPLANE,

AND HE OFFERED YOU AN EXPENSIVE HOTEL ROOM, WOULD YOU TAKE IT?

PROBABLY NOT.

ME NEITHER.

[ Doorman ]GOOD EVENING, MADAM.THANK YOU.

HERE'S YOUR BAG.

THANKS.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.AND YOU.

AND GOOD LUCK.

YOU TOO.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

WHAT? WE MADE A DEAL, REMEMBER?

YOU DRIVE ME INTO LONDON, AND I TAKE YOU FOR AN EXPENSIVE DINNER.

I MEAN, I STILL OWE YOU, RIGHT? RIGHT.

OH, HI! HIYA.

UM, YES, I'D LIKE TO ORDER SOME FOOD. DELIVERY.

UM, I'D LIKE TO ORDER A STEAK.

MEDIUM. AND, UM, A LAMB...

WITH THAT SPICY MINT SAUCE ON THE SIDE.

AND SOME, UM-- SOME DOM--

[ Mispronouncing ] DOM PERIGNON.

THE CHAMPAGNE. YES. UH-HUH.

YEAH. [ Chuckles ] YEAH.

THANK YOU. BYE.

[ Both Chuckle ]

I, UH-- [ Sighs ]

I SOMETIMES CATCH MYSELF THINKING THE MOST AWFUL THINGS, YOU KNOW?

YEAH,I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

SO, WHAT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU, YOU KNOW, EVER THINK TERRIBLE THINGS?

OH, SOMETIMES I THINK I SHOULD JUST PACK UP AND CLEAR OUT.

JUST GO.GO WHERE?

I DON'T KNOW. FIRST FLIGHT ANYWHERE. TO HELL WITH THEM ALL.

YOU SAID--

YOU SAID, "TO HELL WITH THEM ALL." WHO'S "THEM"?

OH, MY FRIENDS,FOR EXAMPLE.

OH, WHO AREN'T REALLY YOUR FRIENDS AT ALL, RIGHT?

FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAYS, TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED, TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES.

EXACTLY.WHO ELSE?

THE PERSON WHO BURGLED MY FLATTHREE TIMES IN THE LAST YEAR.

HE BURGLED MINE TOO.[ Sighs ]

THE PEOPLE I WORK FOR.WHAT ABOUT THEM?

OH, THEY'RE SO...POWDERED.

AND MIDDLE-AGED.AND PERFUMED.

AND LECHEROUS.AND SO SPECTACULARLYFLIPPING UNTALENTED.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS TAKEA MIRROR AND HOLD IT UPTO THEIR GROTESQUE...

SAGGING, SURGICALLYADJUSTED FACES AND SAY--

"FORGET IT! GET BACK TO YOUR WIFE!"EXACT--

[ Chuckles ][ Chuckles ]

[ Doors Sliding Open ]

[ Gasps ]JESUS, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

OH, MY GOD!I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WHAT IS THAT, LONDON BRIDGE?ALBERT BRIDGE.

[ Whispers ] ALBERT BRIDGE. PRINCE--

HOLD ON.

AHA!

AT YOUR SERVICE. VERY GOOD THINKING.

YEP.[ Softly ] THANK YOU.

CHEERS.CHEERS.

[ Unscrewing Lid ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Groans, Sighs ] [ Sighs ]

YOU KNOW, ALL OF MY LIFE, I WAS TOLD IF I WORKED HARD, STAYED OUT OF TROUBLE,

MY LIFE WOULD BE A FAIRY TALE.

[ Laughs ] IN 1988...

MY HIGH SCHOOL GAVE ME THIS PLAQUE, YOU KNOW?

"MOST LIKELY TO BE SUCCESSFUL."

YOU KNOW WHERE IT HANGS?

IT'S HANGING BY MY DESK IN A RENTAL CAR COMPANY.

[ Sighs ]WHERE YOU WORKFOR 60 HOURS A WEEK.

YEAH, FOR A NEANDERTHAL BOSS WHO STICKS HIS ASS ON THE COPYING MACHINE.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

SO WHAT,IT ALL BECAME CLEAR IN HERE?

EXACTLY.

EXCEPT IT WAS HERE.

IT WAS LIKE MY EYES JUST COMPLETELY OPENED UP, YOU KNOW?

LIKE-LIKE ST. PAUL ON THE ROAD TO D-- WHEREVER.

DAMASCUS.YES, EXACTLY.

THEN ONE NIGHT I REALIZED IF I WANTED TO, I COULD JUST TAKE OFF.

WHO'D MISS ME?NO ONE.

SO THE NEXT MORNING, I PICKED UP MY CHECK,

WHICH WAS A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS,

PACKED MY BAGS, AND THE FIRST FLIGHT I COULD AFFORD WAS LONDON.

SO... VOILA, HERE I AM!

[ Sighs ]

FIRST FLIGHT ANYWHERE?MM-HMM.

JUST TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU.

TRUST ME, IT'S LESS SCARY THAT WAY.

[ Sighs ]BUT FINDINGTHE RIGHT PERSON--

YOU'D NEED SOMEONE WITH ALLTHE RIGHT SIMILARITIES,MM-HMM.

YET ALL THE RIGHTDIFFERENCES.

SOMEONE TO READ YOUR MINDINSTINCTIVELY. THANKS.

YET COVER YOUR WEAKNESSES.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?MM-HMM.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, I-I'M STARTING TO BELIEVE...

THAT NOTHING HAPPENS WITHOUT A REASON, YOU KNOW?

THESE RANDOM THINGS THAT HAPPEN AREN'T RANDOM AT ALL.

I THINK THINGS HAPPEN BECAUSE...

THEY'RE MEANT TO HAPPEN.

LIKE-- LIKE I THINK I WAS MEANT TO COME TO LONDON, YOU KNOW?

JUST SOMETHING PULLING ME HERE.

BECAUSE SOME WAY OR SOMEHOW...

THERE WERE BETTER THINGS IN STORE FOR ME.

LIKE-- LIKE WHAT?

LIKE--

[ Knocking ][ Man ]ROOM SERVICE.

OH, MY GOD.WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT?

THE FOOD.THE FOOD?

WE ORDERED FOOD, REMEMBER?MINT SAUCE.

I REMEMBER.

OKAY, UM... I'LL, UM--

I'LL GO TO THE BATHROOM,

AND YOU CAN-CAN GET THE DOOR IN THERE. [ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs Deeply ]

[ Knocking ]ROOM SERVICE!

YES.

FOR THE LADY.THANK YOU.

WITH THE COMPLIMENTS OF MR. ALFREY.THANK YOU.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!WH-WHAT WAS THAT NAME AGAIN?

UH, ALFREY, SIR. DANIEL ALFREY.THERE'S A CARD IN THE FLOWERS.

OH, AND DINNER WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.THANK YOU.

♪♪ [ Humming ]

♪♪ [ Humming Continues, Water Running ]

♪♪ [ Continues Humming ]

[ Gargling ]

IF THEY THINK THERE'S GONNA BE ANYTHING LEFT OF THIS PLACE...

WHEN I GET THROUGH,THEY GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.

LAURENCE?

LAURENCE?

NO.

LAURENCE!

LAURENCE!

[ Pedersen ]IT WAS TYPICAL.

IT WAS THE MOST PERFECT NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.

AND I FROZE,PUT DANIEL FIRST...

WHEN I SHOULD HAVETHROWN AWAY HIS FLOWERSAND TAKEN HER IN MY ARMS.

YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU SEE? THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL.

YOU WERE LOYAL TO A FRIEND. YOU PUT PRINCIPLES FIRST.

YOU TOOK THE MORAL HIGH GROUND.

THEN HOW DO YOUEXPLAIN THIS?WHAT?

RIGHT NOWSHE'S ASLEEP IN MY BED.

IN YOUR BED?

WELL, UNLESS I'M VERY MUCH MISTAKEN, I--

I THINK I MISSED SOMETHING.[ Sighs ]

YOU REMEMBERTHE FOLLOWING DAY, DANIELINVITED US TO LUNCH?YEAH.

IT ALL HAPPENED THEN.LAURENCE, HELP ME OUT HERE.YOU UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS.

DESCRIBE TO FRANK THE PERFECT WOMAN.

[ Laughing ]OH, YOU ARE SAD.PLEASE. PLEASE.

[ Frank Continues Laughing ]THE PERFECT WOMAN?

WELL, SHE'D HAVE A LIGHT IN HER EYES,

UM, AN INFECTIOUS, WONDERFUL SMILE.

YES.TALKING TO HER,

YOU FOUND YOU TOLD HER THINGS YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE,

I DID. I DID THAT. BEGAN TO SEE THINGS...

HE DID. HE DID THAT. IN A WAY YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE.

[ Daniel ]YES.

LEAVING HER, YOU KNEW, SOMEHOW, THINGS HAD IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED,

[ Daniel ]YES. YES.WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

[ Hits Table ] EXACTLY. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

- SO HE DIDN'T SCREW HER? - [ Daniel ] OF COURSE I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER--

[ Arguing About Check ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

- THEN STAY AT HOME. - POSING PARLORS.

[ Arguing Continues ]

- PUNCH HIS LIGHTS. - YOU'RE DEAD!

OH, SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU! YOU REALLY WANT TO HIT EACH OTHER, HIT EACH OTHER.

JUST GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH.ANYTHING BUT TALKING ABOUT ITALL THE TIME.

IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE.[ Pedersen ]YOU WAS ANGRY.

[ Sighs ]I WAS.

[ Pedersen ] FURIOUS. YOU SAW DANIEL WAS INVOLVED,

AND LOYALTY TO FRIENDS ALWAYS COMES FIRST, REMEMBER?

[ Clears Throat ] WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

AND ADDING THEM TO THE NUMBEROF YOUR TWO LONGEST SUITS--

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

[ All Begin Murmuring ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

[ Ringing ]SORRY.

HELLO?

IT'S ME. I'VE GOT HER.

WHO?WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHO?" HER! DANIEL'S AMERICAN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "GOT HER"?EATING OUT OF MY HAND. YOU KNOW, PUPILS DILATING.

[ Laurence ]LISTEN, WHERE ARE YOU NOW?[ Women Murmuring ]

[ Frank ]I-IN THE CAFE IN THE PARK.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL DANIEL.I'M REALLY GOING TO ENJOY THIS.

FRANK, LISTEN TO ME--I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FORA MORAL DISCUSSION, FLORENCE.

I JUST WANT TO TELL SOMEONETHE GOOD NEWS.[ Line Disconnects ]

[ Turns Off Phone ]

LADIES, I CAN'T EXPLAIN. THERE'S... SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO,

SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.

AND IF I DON'T DO IT NOW,

I MAY NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.

[ All Murmuring ]

♪ DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME THE WORLD ♪

♪ DON'T LIVE IN THE SAME THE WORLD ♪

♪ I GOT YOU LOOKING IN MY WORLD ♪

♪ AS IF YOU WANT TO BE MY GIRL ♪

♪ I THINK WE'RE DREAMING THE SAME DREAM ♪

♪ I THINK WE'RE DREAMING THE SAME DREAM ♪A MAN IN A DARK COAT?

♪ I'LL LET YOU BE IN MY DREAM ♪

♪ IF YOU SHOW ME YOUR DREAM ♪

♪ TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS

♪ I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS ♪

♪ RUNNING AROUND

♪ CHASING YOUR SHADOW

♪ SO PLEASE DON'T LET THIS CHANCE SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ IF YOU WASTE IT THIS TIME ♪

♪ I'LL BE HERE TOMORROW ♪

OH, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. LOOK.

WHAT DOES HE CARE ABOUT ART?

THIS IS THE BEST PICKUP JOINTIN LONDON. PEOPLE COMETO ART GALLERIES FOR SEX.

SEE THAT COUPLE OVER THERE? SEE HOW BORED THEY ARE?

THAT IS JUST-- NO. [ Laughs ] NO?

COMES TO AN ART GALLERYJUST TO GET LAID.

WE'LL DO AN EXPERIMENT.COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO THAT WAY,YOU GO THAT WAY.

SORRY.

[ Laurence ] OH, MY GOD.OH, MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

[ Stammering ] I-I WAS JUST--

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WEIRD THIS IS, US MEETING LIKE THIS?

AREN'T YOU PLEASED TO SEE ME?[ Puts Bag Down ]

NO.

YES. YES, I AM.YES, YOU ARE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT. WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.I WAS JUST LEAVING.HMM.

ME TOO.

WOULD YOU HELP ME WITH MY BAGS?

YOU KNOW, I COULD TAKE THIS SILENCE PERSONALLY,

BUT AFTER WHAT YOU TOLD ME YESTERDAY, I'LL ASSUME THAT YOU'RE JUST NERVOUS,

AND I'LL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.

AND WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE SO ANGRY ABOUT, JUST STOP IT.

I REALIZE I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.I SHOULD HAVE NEVER ACCEPTEDTHAT HOTEL ROOM.

IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE. THE BUSINESS WITH THE FLOWERS AND EVERYTHING--

[ Drops Bags ]

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?

I-I MADE AN OMELET THIS MORNING.

HMM.

YOU KNOW THAT THEY SAY THAT CLUMSINESS IS LINKED TO YOUR EMOTIONS?

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

YOU'LL ALLOW ME TO TAKE THAT AS A SECOND COMPLIMENT.

IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY CONVERSATION, THAT IS.

WOW, THIS IS GREAT.

IN MY APARTMENT, I'D HAVE TO WALK UP 16 STORIES.

THE ELEVATOR WORKS OKAY, BUT IT'S STRICTLY FOR DRUG DEALS...

AND CONTRACT FELLATIO.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.I'LL GET THE DOOR.

GO AHEAD.UM... F-FOLLOW ME.

[ Exhales Sharply ]

[ Clears Throat ] IF YOU WANT TO MAKE YOURSELF... COMFY,

I'LL MAKE US... SOME TEA.[ Phone Ringing ]

YUM.[ Ringing Continues ]

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.OKAY.

[ Ringing Continues ]

HELLO?[ Daniel ] IT'S ME.

[ Softly ] DANIEL... THIS ISN'T A GOOD TIME.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A TERRIBLE TIME. I'M 33 YEARS OLD,

AND I FEEL LIKE A JILTED TEENAGER.

I'VE BUNKERED UP ON A DIET OF CHOCOLATE...

AND AFTERNOON TELEVISION AND BOOKS.

BOOKS THAT I DON'T EVENUNDERSTAND.

DANIEL, THIS REALLY ISN'T--

LAURENCE, I HURT IN PLACES I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED.

DANIEL, I SAID THIS ISN'T A GOOD TIME.

[ Dial Tone ]LAURENCE?

THESE FORYOUR CARD PLAYING?

YEAH.I THOUGHT YOU SAIDYOU HAD NO TALENT.

I DON'T.THEN WHY DOES IT HAVEYOUR NAME ON IT?

MY PARTNER DID ALL THE WORK.YOUR PARTNER?

HMM. HE REALLY COULD READ PEOPLE.

OH, COME ON,YOU CAN DO THAT.I'M SORRY?

WELL, IF SOMEONE'STELLING THE TRUTHOR IF THEY'RE LYING,

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN LEARNHOW TO READ THE SIGNS.

LIKE RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE STILLUPSET ABOUT SOMETHING.OH, REALLY?

[ Sighs ]

ARE THESE YOURS?HMM?

THEY'RE GOOD.

I JUST PAID YOU A COMPLIMENT.YOU COULD SMILE A LITTLE.

THANK YOU.

WHATEVER IT IS THAT'SSO IMPORTANT, JUST SAY IT.

YOU'VE BEEN LIKE THIS EVER SINCEWE RAN INTO ONE ANOTHER.

NO, I HAVEN'T.THEN WHY ARE YOULOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

[ Phone Ringing ]BECAUSE I--

YOU--BECAUSE WHAT?

[ Ringing Continues ]BECAUSE--

[ Ringing Continues ]WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?

SURE.[ Ringing Continues ]

[ Continues Ringing ]YES?

[ Frank ]I GIVE UP, YOU KNOW?I NO LONGER UNDERSTAND WOMEN.

FRANK, THIS ISN'T A GOOD TIME.

YEAH, YEAH.IT'S A BLOODY TERRIBLE TIME.

WELL, WE WERE AT THE GALLERY, YOU KNOW.

SHE WAS EATING OUT OF MY HAND.

ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE JUST, JUST LIKE THAT,

SHE JUST DISAPPEARS ON THE WAY BACK TO DANIEL.TO DANIEL?

YEAH. OH, WELL, SHE HAD HER HEART SET ON HIM ALL ALONG, DIDN'T SHE?

I MEAN, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT, BUT CREDIT TO HIM.

HE'S GOT HER WELL AND TRULY.

[ Sighs ] DANIEL.

WELL, SHE TOLD ME HERSELF, YOU KNOW.

SHE MET HIM AT THE AIRPORT, DIDN'T SHE?

[ Imitating Martha ] THE MOMENT SHE SAW HIM, SHE KNEW.

SOMETHING ABOUT HIS LITTLE BROWN JACKET AND KHAKI TROUSERS.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE WORE KHAKI TROUSERS.

FLORENCE?

LAURENCE? LAURENCE? OH, DON'T GET-- [ Disconnects Line ]

EVERYTHING OKAY?

EVERYTHING'S FINE. YOU JUST RELAX.

MUMMY, MUMMY.

MUMMY, MARTHA!

[ Groans ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Groans ]

[ Distant Siren Blaring ]

[ Door Closing ]

LAURENCE? LAURENCE?

GOOD MORNING.GOOD MORNING.

TEA TIME.

[ Laurence ]ARE YOU GOING TO ASK MEQUESTIONS OR DO I JUST TALK?

[ Sighs ]

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT LOVE,

FRIENDSHIP AND DECEIT.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE FACTTHAT UP UNTIL THREE DAYS AGO,

THERE WERE THREE PEOPLE,FRIENDS, BEST FRIENDS--

OH, MY GOD.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONEIN LONDON?MM-MM.

I'M MARTHA, BY THE WAY.[ Chuckling ] I KNOW.

- WOULD YOU TAKE IT? - PROBABLY NOT.

HMM.

WHEN I FOUND OUT DANIELHAD BEEN IN MINNEAPOLIS,

I DECIDED TO MEET HIS FLIGHT.

[ Laurence ]IT WAS A DISASTER THAT NIGHT.I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL.

SURPRISE, SURPRISE.NO, I THINK IT WAS HOT.

HOT?YOU WAS ANGRY.I WAS.

WHICH BRINGS US UP TO DATE.

YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE.

[ Sighs ] YES.

LIFELONG FRIENDS ON ONE SIDE,

A WOMAN ON THE OTHER.

PERHAPS THE CLOSEST FRIENDS YOU'LL EVER HAVE.

BUDDIES THROUGH THICK AND THIN. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

BEARING IN MIND THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A DIFFICULT DECISION.

[ Sighs ] I'M SORRY?

WELL, EVERY DAY WE MAKE HUNDREDSOF THOUSANDS OF DECISIONS.

IN A YEAR, THEY RUN INTO TENS OF MILLIONS.

PEOPLE GET THEMSELVES INTO KNOTS.

THE TRUTH IS, DECISIONS ARE EASY. YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE EVERY TIME, EVERY TIME,

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS.YOU THINK?

ABSOLUTELY. TRADE SECRET. I ALWAYS TELL MY BOYS.

OH. YOU SEE, YOU DIDN'T COME TO SEE ME TO MAKE A DECISION.

YOU CAME TO ME BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE DECISION YOU'D ALREADY MADE.

[ Clock Beeping ]

[ Continues Beeping ]SORRY, LAURENCE.

TIME'S UP.[ Continues Beeping ]

[ Turns Off Alarm ]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.I FEEL SO GOOD.

SO DO I.WELL, I'M ALWAYS HERE.

I'M SORRYFOR WAKING YOU.NO, IT'S A PLEASURE.

IT'S FUNNY.THERE'S A PSYCHIATRISTLIVING NEXT DOOR TO ME,

AND YOU CHOSETO TALK TO ME.

AND I'M FLATTERED.

IT'S BEEN A PLEASUREMEETING YOU, LAURENCE.

[ Sighs ] YOU'RE-YOU'RE NOT--

WELL, WHAT LINE OF WORK ARE YOU IN,

JUST OUT OF INTEREST?CONSTRUCTION.

CONSTRUCTION?MMM.

YOU TAKE CARE.

THANK YOU.

[ Door Closes ]

MARTHA?

MARTHA.

[ Martha ]BREAKFAST.FLOWER MARKET CAFE IN SQUARE.

EXCUSE ME.OH, MY GOD.

[ Daniel ] FUNNY. [ Frank Laughing ]

FLORENCE? OH, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?WOULD YOU PLEASE GO AWAY?

[ Frank ] WE'VE BEEN SET UP.[ Daniel ] WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE? I SEE--

[ Frank Laughing ]

[ Continues Laughing ] VERY FUNNY, VERY FUNNY.

[ Frank, Daniel Laughing, Talking ]

[ Laughing, Louder ]

[ Daniel ]YOU BOTH PISS OFF.FRANK, WHAT ARE YOU ON?

I'D REALLY LIKE SOME.

[ Continues Laughing ]COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.PLEASE GO NOW.

THIS IS PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?

[ Mock Laugh ]HILARIOUS.

LISTEN, UM, BEFORE I TAKE OFF,I JUST NEED TO KNOW. DOES THISHAPPEN ALL THE TIME?

NO, NO, NO, NO.NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.THESE MALE CLUBS...

WHERE GUYS PICK UP A GIRLAND THEY SET HER UP AND THEYMAKE HER FALL IN LOVE,

AND THEN THEY RIP THE RUG OUTFROM UNDERNEATH HER FEET.

DOES THIS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME,OR HAVE I JUST BEEN REALLYUNLUCKY?

- OH, NO, NO, I-I CAN EXPLAIN.- FRANK, SHUT UP!

WHAT COULD YOUPOSSIBLY EXPLAIN TO ME?

SEE, I'M A LITTLE BIT OLDERTHAN SIX.

THE ONLY PEOPLE INTERESTEDIN YOU ARE SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRLS.SORRY.

MARTHA, MARTHA, LISTEN TO ME--DANIEL, UH-UH. PLEASE.

YOU'RE A SWEET, LITTLE MAN...

BUT A HUNDRED BUCKS SAYS THATYOU TOOK DOWN THOSE BOOKS...

AND YOU PUT 'EMRIGHT BACK UP WITHOUT READINGA SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

AM I RIGHT?MY BOOKS?

YEAH.ACTUALLY, I DID DO THAT.

UH-HUH.YES.

YOU SEE, MAYBE IT'S ME.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT THATTHIS WOULD BE DIFFERENT,YOU KNOW?

BUT IF YOU THINK THAT THIS IS GONNA GET ME DOWN, YOU'RE WRONG.

BECAUSE I'M TOUGH, YOU KNOW?

I'VE MADE A DECISION.

I'VE CHANGED MY LIFE;SOMETHING NONE OF YOU HAVETHE COURAGE TO DO, NONE OF YOU.

ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAND THERE?DO YOU HAVE ANYTHINGTO SAY TO ME?

YEAH, WELL, I CAN EXPLAIN, IF YOU GIVE ME THE TIME.NO, IGNORE HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS. I ACTUALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANY--

[ Daniel, Frank Chattering ]DON'T FREEZE ON ME.

DON'T FREEZE ON ME NOW,PLEASE.

PLEASE DON'T.

[ Daniel, Frank Continue Chattering ]

FRANK, SHUT UP! SHUT UP!DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!

YOU ARE SO ARROGANT!WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING?

WAIT.[ Daniel, Frank Arguing ]

YOU TOSSER. MARTHA!KEEP OUT OF IT!

[ Daniel ] OH, BLOODY HELL! [ Frank ] IT'S BETWEEN US, OKAY?

LAURENCE, I'M SORRY, MATE.I WASN'T--

[ Groaning ]

DON'T PUSH ME!

DON'T PUSH ME. DON'T PUSH ME.YOU SEE? YOU SEE?

YOU'LL REGRET IT. YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

OW!THAT WAS MY ARM!

OW!LIKE IT? LIKE IT? SEE, IT HURTS, YEAH.

STOP! MY EYE, MY EYE!MY EYE!SORRY. SORRY. SORRY. I'M SORRY.

[ Groaning ]

[ Frank, Daniel Fighting, Siren Approaching ]

[ Frank ] HEY, LIKE THAT,DO YOU? [ Daniel ] YOU! OW!

[ Typing ]

SIR?THE FIRST FLIGHT ANYWHEREFOR £99.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.

DO YOU HAVE A DATE IN MIND FOR YOUR RETURN?

NO RETURN.I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I'M NOT COMING BACK.ONE WAY. THANK YOU.

BECAUSE THERE COMES A POINTWHEN YOU FIND THE ONE PERSON...[ Typing ]

THE ONE THING THAT EVER MATTERED--[ Continues Typing ]

OH, DAMN IT!

INSTEAD OF HOLDING IT TIGHTAND RECOGNIZING IT...

FOR THE PRICELESS, MOST BEAUTIFUL...

PRECIOUS GIFTIT IS.[ Continues Typing ]

[ Roars ]INSTEAD OF HAVING THE COURAGE...

YOU DO WHAT YOU'VE DONEALL YOUR LIFE, ALL YOUR LIFE!

YOU FREEZE. FREEZE!

SO THE TRUTH ISWHATEVER NAME...

YOU PULL OUT OF THAT HAT,THINGS WILL BE A WHOLE LOTBETTER THERE THAN THEY ARE HERE.

- REYKJAVIK. - I'M SORRY?

CAPITAL OF ICELAND, SIR. SOME ATTRACTIVE FEATURES, I'M TOLD.

FOUR HUNDRED MILES OF ICEBERG, LONGHAIRED SHEEP...

AND TWENTY HOURS OF DARKNESS A DAY.

YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES AT 2200 HOURS.

REYKJAVIK?

FIRST FLIGHT ANYWHERE, £99.

THANK YOU.

[ Door Closes ]HAVE YOU MADE A DECISION YET,MADAM?

♪ I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

♪ IT AIN'T GONNA WORK NO MORE

[ Frank ]DENY TO ME--

DENY THAT IT FELT GOOD.♪♪ [ Continues ]

IT FELT GOOD.

[ Laughing ]IT FELT BLOODY MAGNIFICENT.

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BECOME A MEMBEROF SOME HISTORIC MALE CLUB,YOU KNOW?

THIS IS HOW WOMEN FEEL WHEN THEY GIVE BIRTH.

[ Laughs ]YEAH. YEAH, EXCEPTFOR THE HANDS PROBABLY.

YEAH, WHY DON'T THEY TELL YOU IT HURTS YOUR HANDS? I NEVER KNEW THAT.

COME ON.I STILL CAN'T WORK OUTWHAT HE WAS DOING THERE.

WHO, LAURENCE?YEAH.

STANDING THEREWITH THOSE FLOWERS.WHAT WERE THEY, PEONIES?

[ Daniel ] HE PROBABLY GOT THEM FOR HIS FLAT.

[ Laughs ]YEAH, HE PROBABLY GOT THEMTO STICK IN HIS BRIDGE TROPHIES.

CAN YOU IMAGINE IF HE WAS THERE TO MEET HER?

[ Laughing ][ Laughing ]

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME,A MOMENT, SIR.

YOU'RE THE 100,000th PASSENGERTO FLY ON THIS AIRLINE...

THIS YEAR.RIGHT.

AND TO MARK THE OCCASION,THE AIRLINE...

WOULD LIKE TO FLY YOUFIRST-CLASS."FIRST-CLASS"?

WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER DRINK?THANK YOU.

[ Attendant ] HERE WE GO, SIR, FIRST-CLASS.

HERE'S YOUR SEAT DOWN HERE.[ Attendant #2 ] WOULD EITHEROF YOU LIKE ANOTHER DRINK?

YOU'RE SURE THIS IS, UM--YES, YES.

[ Sighs ]

ICELAND, HUH?

♪♪

[ Martha Chuckling ]LONDON AND AMSTERDAM?THAT'S LIKE, NOT EVEN--

[ Laurence ] FORTY MINUTES, I KNOW. HE DIDN'T RECOMMEND IT.

WELL, WE HAVE ALL THE TIMEIN THE WORLD.

♪♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT MAKES ME LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ I ONLY KNOW I NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU STARTED SOMETHING OH, CAN'T YOU SEE ♪

♪ THAT EVER SINCE WE MET YOU'VE HAD A HOLD ON ME ♪

♪ IT HAPPENS TO BE TRUE

♪ I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU GO OR WHAT YOU DO ♪

♪ I WANT TO SPEND EACH MOMENT OF THE DAY WITH YOU ♪

♪ OH, LOOK WHAT HAS HAPPENED WITH JUST ONE KISS ♪

♪ I NEVER KNEW THAT I COULD BE IN LOVE LIKE THIS ♪

♪ IT'S CRAZY, BUT IT'S TRUE

♪ I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ YOU STOPPED AND SMILED AT ME ♪

♪ ASKED IF I CARED TO DANCE

♪ I FELL INTO YOUR OPEN ARMS ♪

♪ AND I DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE ♪

♪ NOW, LISTEN, HONEY

♪ I JUST WANT TO BE BESIDE YOU EVERYWHERE ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER, HONEY, I DON'T CARE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU STARTED SOMETHING OH, CAN'T YOU SEE ♪

♪ THAT EVER SINCE WE MET YOU'VE HAD A HOLD ON ME ♪

♪ NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO

♪ I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ OH, YOU STOPPED AND SMILED AT ME ♪

♪ ASKED IF I'D CARE TO DANCE

♪ I FELL INTO YOUR OPEN ARMS

♪ I DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE

♪ NOW HEAR ME, HONEY

♪ I JUST WANT TO BE BESIDE YOUEVERYWHERE ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER, HONEY, I DON'T CARE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU STARTED SOMETHING OH, CAN'T YOU SEE ♪

♪ THAT EVER SINCE WE MET YOU'VE HAD A HOLD ON ME ♪

♪ NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO

♪ I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU

♪ I SAID NO MATTER, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO ♪

♪ I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU ♪♪

♪ IT'S FOOLS LIKE US

♪ ALWAYS FOOLED

♪ BY THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE

♪ LIFE ON THE COOL

♪ HOW DOES IT TURN

♪ HOW DOES IT TURN

♪ INTO DYING EMBERS

♪ FROM A LOVE THAT BURNED

♪ ON ITS WAY TO YOUR HEART SOMEHOW ♪

♪ ON ITS WAY TO YOUR HEART SOMEHOW ♪

♪ ON ITS WAY TO YOUR HEART SOMEHOW ♪

♪ FALLEN AGAIN

♪ A SHINING STAR

♪ FROM OUT OF YOUR HEAVEN

♪ AND INTO MY HEART

♪ RIBBONS AND CHAINS

♪ RIBBONS AND CHAINS ♪