Original subtitles

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom. [laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

* *

This is my show!

* *

[bright orchestral music]

- Mmm.

Oh, my. Where's Patrick?

- [giggling]

- He never skips breakfast.

- I hope he's not trying to surprise me again.

[chuckles] Last time he did that

he almost gave me a heart attack.

I don't think I can take another--

- Surprise! - Aah! [coughing violently]

[thud] - [groans]

Happy Father's Day!

- [coughs] Thank you, son,

but, uh, Father's Day was last year.

- Oh, yeah.

I'll just return this to the dump.

- Wait! It's the thought that counts.

- [giggles]

- And I love this mug with all my heart,

or at least what's left of it.

- [grumbles] That should be mine.

I'm the number one dad.

Now gimme that mug!

- [straining] No, Dad.

You're too old to have nice things.

- I've earned this.

I've earned all the awards!

[echoing] All the awards. - [gasps]

Let's host an award show for my show-show!

- Awards?

I want awards. - Whaa!

[groans] - Great idea, Patrick.

People always tune in to award shows

for the glitz, the glamour,

and the unexpected celebrity drama.

[upbeat showbiz music]

* *

More cameras. More spotlights!

Get those awards on the table and spray 'em.

Ugh, do I have to do everything around here?

- [groans]

- Who put a bowl of chum on the table?

Ugh, and I want spotlights everywhere!

[cheers and applause]

- [snoring]

[laughs] Oh, my.

Mr. President, you're such a tease.

[laughs] [machinery hammering]

[gasps]

What are you people doing in my bedroom?

- The boss wants spotlights everywhere.

- Aah! My eyeballs!

I need those to glare!

- Live from Bikini Bottom,

it's the first ever Starry Awards

with your host, Patrick Star!

- * Nighttime, it's when the stars come out *

* It's showtime time *

* We got stars in the sky *

* We got stars on the ground *

Hey, wait a minute.

That's not a star.

That's GrandPat's glass eye.

Hey, GrandPat! [grunts]

* But everything else is a star *

* At the Starry Awards *

* And you're a star at the Starry Awards *

[cheers and applause]

Thank you, thank you.

First up we're presenting

the Best Song in This Award Show award.

I wonder who's gonna win.

[drumroll]

And the winner is...

"The Starry Awards song!"

Huh?

- [gasps]

[chattering indistinctly]

I just didn't-- [cries]

[cheers and applause]

- [growls] Oh, I hate award shows.

Oh, look at me.

I never did anything,

but I want a prize anyway. [clunk]

Huh? - Hey, lady.

Gotta put another light over here.

[sizzling] - Aah! Whoa!

[groans, growls]

That's it!

I'm gonna destroy that stupid show,

and then they'll probably give me an award.

- Now if you know the Star family,

you know we love chewin' stuff.

Here's looking at you, Granola.

- Oh. [laughs]

- [gasps] - Mmm, good.

[gulps]

So crispies and crunchettes,

it's time for the Best Bite award!

And the nominees are Tinkle biting me,

Nosferatu biting me... - [growls]

- Lady Zombie biting me,

and me biting me.

I mean, my tongue.

We ran outta envelopes, so let's spin the winner wheel!

[upbeat music]

[groans]

- [gasps, exhales]

- Looks like Slappy is our winner!

- Oh. [chomps, gulps]

- Don't eat it too fast.

The paint's still drying.

- [moans]

- Medic!

And now, the award you've all been waiting for,

Best Cutaway Segment!

Will it be Quasar and Pat-Tron,

Pat the Hapless,

Cave Patrick,

or Dr. Plankenstein's Castle?

- Whaa! Look, Master, look!

We're nomdanated for a reward.

- Ugh, Patgor, please.

[slurps] Uh.

Award shows are for lamebrains and lunkheads.

I am above such trifling claptrap.

- And the winner is...

Dr. Plankenstein's Castle!

- Hmm? I won?

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh, I'm a special, special boy.

- [gasps] Let's get that award!

- Hold on there, Patgor.

We're 3D, and they're 2D.

- Oh, 2D.

- What we need is my latest invention,

the two dimensionalizer.

[grunts]

- Oh. [both groan]

- [snoring]

- Hey, Rip Van Stinkle! - Oh!

Give it up for Plankenstein's Castle crew!

Happy birthday. - Aah!

- Step aside, dumbo.

This is my award.

- No. Shiny is mine.

[all grunting]

- Whoa!

[sneaky music]

- [cackles] Hmm.

- Stay tuned for our next shiny award.

It's sure to be a humdinger.

- [snickers]

Goodbye, Starry Awards.

- Hey! Do you have an ID badge?

- Oh, dear. May I borrow yours,

sweetie pie?

- I don't see why not.

- Thanks, dearie.

[gasps] Where's your ID badge?

- I-I-I know I had it here a second ago.

- This man doesn't have an ID badge!

- Wait. No, no, no, no!

I have one, I swear!

- [laughs]

Snip snip.

- And the award for best stunt goes to...

aah!

[all oohing]

[whimpering, wailing]

Me! [giggles]

- Dag nabbit!

Huh? [groans]

- Hey, somebody plug in that spotlight!

[light humming] - Aah!

This is gettin' old.

[dreamy old-timey music]

- Friends, the Starry Awards would like to honor

the decently decreased

with an extra sad in moronium presentation.

Please cry now.

[audience crying]

Zed the Zombie,

the Flim Flam Brothers,

the Flying Dutchman,

Nosferatu,

some guy named Lenny.

- Wait, why am I up there?

Ooh!

Oh, that's why.

- [cries]

- Hey, Lenny! Come on up.

Welcome to the club.

- Oh, razzin' frazzin' stupid award shows go on forever.

[gasps] Wha?

Why are you still in my house?

- We're taking all these spotlights out of here.

- Oh, finally.

- And we're replacing 'em with these brighter ones.

- Huh? Aah!

That does it!

I'm blowin' this whole kit and caboodle sky-high!

[spits, groans]

And I can't believe my luck.

- Now who's ready for a very special award?

[cheers and applause]

- [laughs] Ho-ho.

Oh, it'll be special all right.

Whoever wins this award is gonna have a blast.

- * Rockin' Rowboat sail along, doo dah *

- Shh. Zip it.

[laughs]

Hmm?

- There it is.

- Ladies and German man,

tonight's final award goes to someone very special.

- She's kind and generous.

- And pretty darn forgiving.

The Best Neighbor Ever award goes to...

both: Granny Tentacles!

- Huh? Wha?

- Come on out here.

You won!

- Ooh, well, goodness.

I don't have a speech prepared.

Well, I do, but it contains words

I can't say on television.

Wow, thank you so much.

Boy, do I feel awful for putting that bomb

in your trophy.

Oh, no.

- Hey, look who it is!

- Come on, guys. Join the party.

- So what'd you think of the show?

- The audience seems happy.

- [slurps] Ah.

I still think I got the best award of all.

- Gimme it! It's my award!

[cackles] - Oh, GrandPat, no!

Give me that back!

[grunts] Get back here!

- In celebration of Thanksgiving,

how about we all go around the table

and say what we're thankful for?

- Let's see. I'm thankful for--

- Food!

[squeals]

- I concur. Food!

[dish shatters]

[upbeat music]

* *

- [belches] - Ah.

[gasps] I just remembered!

Thanksgiving movie time!

- [exclaims]

- [grunts]

- Captain's diary: I was negotiating a treaty

with the leader of the Saladrian Empire.

[growls]

- [grumbles]

both: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

- Yes! Rock beats scissors.

I win! - Ugh. Curse you, Quasar!

We accept your terms.

- Great to hear.

Pat-Tron, sign the treaty for me, would you?

- Sorry, I'm leaving for my vacation.

- [growls] Just press the button!

- [mumbles nervously]

[buzzer blares]

You're welcome.

- Firing blasters.

- What the? Huh?

[dramatic music]

- Aah!

You dare fire on the Saladrian Empire

after we signed a peace treaty?

Arm crouton torpedoes.

- [chuckles]

Abandon ship!

Pat-Tron, take me with you!

Aah!

[mechanical whirring]

* *

[heartbreaking string music]

[sighs]

So where are we going anyway?

- My home planet, Tron-Tron.

It's Blorpsgiving.

- Terrific.

Space diary: We've arrived on a strange alien world

devoid of organic life.

Who knows what kind of threats lurk behind every corner.

Hmm.

- Pat-Tron, welcome home, son.

- Not so fast.

- Oh, that is too nice.

Pat-Tron's alien friend brought dessert.

- Cecil 5000, what did I say about sweets before dinner?

Join us. - [grunts]

- Greetings, Robodina. - Greetings.

- Greetings, Grandtron.

- Greetings. - Greetings.

- Ooh, hey, Pat-Tron, your friend has

a water reservoir like me.

Are you steam powered too?

[horn blows] - Aah!

Uh.

[beep] Space diary: I have encountered

a hostile life-form.

- Oh, relax.

Grandtron's not hostile.

Why don't you sit down and recharge a while?

- Hmm, well, I suppose a little rest wouldn't hurt.

Um...

Ah.

Aah! - Egad!

Captain! - Oh, thank goodness.

- This power adapter should be more suitable.

- [screaming]

- Error. Perhaps this one.

- No, non, no. Please, please!

[screaming, winces]

Pat-Tron, I can't take anymore.

- But we just got here.

- I'm not like you machines.

I'm not meant for this cold metal world.

I'm flesh and blood!

- Huh?

- I've got to get out of here!

[gasps] - Whoa.

- [grunts, groans]

[mumbling gibberish]

[bright music]

Whoo-hoo! [pants]

[grunts]

- Cousin Inga-tron!

What a surprise.

- Yeah, I just flew in from Robo-Sweden.

And boy, is my propeller tired.

- [laughs]

Oh, Captain, say hi to Inga before you leave.

- On second thought, I could stay a little longer.

- Oh, come on.

They suddenly have a gorgeous cousin

who just shows up out of nowhere?

- Yah, very unrealistic.

- Family unit,

initiate Blorpsgiving dinner.

[mechanical whirring]

[light music]

- Hmm, where is my supper?

- Oh, yah!

I brought these anti-energy pods

just for you.

- [chomping, gulps]

[horn blows]

- Pat-Tron, I can't eat any of this.

I'm not like you machines.

I'm flesh and-- - Captain.

- Oh? - Would you care for a sheet

of business paper?

- Of course, darling.

[sucking]

Oh!

[grunting] I got it.

Mmm, it's delicious.

- If you enjoyed those, you will love the RAM sticks.

- [chomps]

Aah!

- Mm, it appears that RAM is incompatible

with your outdated hardware.

Perhaps coal would be more suitable.

- [whines] - Mmm.

Uh... [squeaks]

[coughs]

[flushes] Scrumptious.

- Oh, boy. I am stuffed.

I am unable to process another nanobyte.

- Oh, yes, quite full. No more for me. No-oh.

- I will now commence cleaning protocol.

- Please, allow me.

- Well, if you insist.

- Yah, it is the least I can do as a guest.

- Oh, please. Allow me.

After all, I am a guest too. [laughs]

[groaning]

Aah! - Captain,

is your hydraulic system compromised?

- [groans weakly] No.

But my spine is.

- [sighs] Food coma.

- Getting so sleepy.

[snores]

- Power saving mode.

- Processing so much data.

- Oh, I feel like I'm about to bust a rivet.

[screams]

- So then I told the alien--

wait, solar flare!

- My reservoir!

- My lady love!

- [spluttering, grunts]

- I must save her, but how?

Hmm. Huh? Aha!

[grunting]

[triumphant music]

* *

- Captain, can we be certain this will dry her out?

- Nothing is certain in this world,

but it sure worked when my space diary took

a tumble into the toilet.

- [gasps]

- Careful. Careful, my darling.

Don't rush. [beeping]

- Captain, you saved my life.

Oh, Quasar. I love you.

- I love you too.

- Let's get hitched, yah?

[romantic music]

- Space diary: On this cold metal world,

my heart has found warm, warm love.

[all weeping]

Oh, darling,

you look positively--

huh? Aah!

[screaming]

- Wedding chassis installation complete.

- Huh? Is this normal?

- Affirmative.

- Oh, phew. [laughs]

As I was saying,

darling, you look positively--

- Now it is your turn.

- [laughs] What do you mean?

- It is your turn.

- [laughs] Hmm? [gasps]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm organic.

You can't take my head off. [chuckles]

- I don't see what the big deal is.

- I would die.

[whirring]

- Not to worry.

We have other methods.

- Aah!

I'm not ready for marriage!

all: The ceremony will continue.

- Aah! [screaming]

[panting, grunts]

[dramatic music]

* *

[engine grinding] Come on, come on, come on!

Huh?

[whimpers] [engine turns over]

Aha!

Ugh. Huh?

[blubbers] Oh.

* *

- The Saladrian Empire demands

you hand over Douglas P. Quasar.

- Oh, thank goodness.

[upbeat music]

[exhales] Let's blow this popsicle stand.

[moans]

- You do know we're going to execute you, right?

- Yeah, whatever as long as you get me outta here.

- No, Quasar must stay here and marry Inga-tron!

- [gasps]

[soft sweet music]

* *

Such a beauty.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

[laughs]

Inga-tron, I am smitten.

It would be an honor... [beeping]

If you would marry me in his stead.

- Eh, I can make it work.

- We shall wed at once!

- Pat-Tron, you saved me.

- Don't mention it. - [grunts]

- Now you know why I only visit on holidays.

- Good man, Pat-Tron.

Next year we'll visit my family.

[upbeat music]

* *

- Huh? - Time to get you changed

for the wedding.

- What? No!

Stop! No!

- Wow, what an ending.

- Yeah!

- Anyone for dessert salad?

both: Aah!

- Okay.

[upbeat music]

* *

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