Original subtitles

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom. [laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

* *

This is my show!

* *

[mysterious music]

- Ah!

Ah!

That was amazing!

I dreamed that I was dreaming that I was having

the greatest dream of my life.

I want more!

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep!

[duck quacking]

It's not working.

[scream]

Got to get back to sleep!

[grunting]

* Go to sleep, little heady *

[humming melody]

Or not.

Time for plan B!

In case of not asleep, break glass.

Hooray!

[cheering]

Oof!

One bump on the noggin with this baby,

and it's back to dreamland. Oof!

A little to the right. Now left.

A little higher. Oh!

You're getting warmer.

Warmer. Warmer.

[screaming]

Too warm! Too warm!

Hot foot! Hot foot!

Hot foot!

Body, wait up! Ah!

Uh-oh.

[fast-paced music]

- [humming melody]

Breakfast is ready!

[upbeat music]

* *

Whoop!

[chewing loudly]

- There you are. I just finished your makeup.

Voil�!

[appreciative murmuring]

- I'm beautiful. - You're also late.

The show should have started five minutes ago.

- Squidina, I can't do the show today.

Not until I relive my dream!

- You know, I had a dream once.

- Moms can dream? - Yes, Patrick.

It was when I was a little girl.

- You were a little girl? - Yes, Patrick.

I dreamed about driving fast, zipping around the track

at the motor speedway. I dreamed of winning races.

I dreamed of becoming-- - A race car!

- Actually, I-- - Don't say another word.

I'm not going to let your dream die the way mine did.

My mother is going to be a race car!

[breathing heavily]

- I dreamed of being a race car driver,

not a race car. [audience groaning]

- Oh, boy.

* *

- Go to Klopnod, 30 years ago.

- Tee-hee-hee! Woo!

Hey!

- Future Mom, you're meant for better things.

- Mom? What are you--

- I'm your son from the future.

- Uh-huh.

Like you could even prove such a thing.

- Your favorite color is purple.

- Ooh.

- Mm-hmm.

- OK. I'm convinced.

- [laughs]

[engine rumbling]

- Cool! I love race cars.

How did you know?

- You told me in the future.

Here, let's put this on.

Huh. OK, there we go.

- Wait.

You mean I'm going to drive that car?

- Of course not.

You're going to race that car.

- Uh...

- OK. Ready?

- Um, not exactly.

- Set! Go!

[engine roaring]

[panting]

- Oh, boy.

We got a lot of work to do.

[energetic music]

* *

- [laughs]

- Beep, beep!

[giggling] - We did it!

You're a race car!

- Bunny wins big race!

- Well, I guess this means my work here is done.

- Are you sure this is what I told you I wanted?

- Absolutely.

Well, enjoy living your dream, Future Mom!

That could not have gone better.

[scream]

- Hey, are we doing the show today, or what?

- Oh, Squidina! You have wheels!

- So do you, dumb-dumb.

- Ah! When did this happen?

- Why wouldn't we have wheels?

Mom's a street sweeper, remember?

- A street sweeper?

- Ever since that unfortunate race car accident.

- I'll be right back. I got to go fix something.

- Oh, I can't imagine

a more fulfilling life than this.

- Klopnod, 30 years ago again.

- Future Mom, you're meant for better things.

- Huh? - Huh?

- Don't listen to me! Listen to me.

You do not want to be a race car.

OK. Love you. Bye!

- Uh. Huh?

- Don't ruin anything else. Don't ruin anything else.

Don't want to affect the future.

Oh.

Eh. It'll be fine.

- Welcome back, legs!

[screaming]

- Another beautiful day, huh, Patrick?

- A little toasty for my taste.

Let me try this again.

Not right.

Not right.

Nope.

Uh-uh.

Awesome, but not right.

Maybe?

Maybe not.

- Many attempts to fix the past later...

- [nervous mumbling]

Huh?

- [humming melody] - [snoring]

- Could it really be?

Life is normal again!

[growling and barking]

- Oh.

Sounds like my special little boy is hungry.

- Oh, yeah! - Good.

Because you're just in time for dinner!

- But it's breakfast time.

- Eh?

What's breakfast?

[owl hooting]

- [screaming]

No silly glitches this time!

Oh!

What the-- Mom, when did the time closet

become a regular closet?

- What's a time closet?

- No!

I guess I'll just have to reinvent

the time closet from scratch.

Beep! Bloop, bloop.

Bleep! Kaboom.

Ring, ring, ring. Aw, man.

It didn't work.

- You didn't really think taping a clock

to a cardboard box would allow you

to traverse the circuits of time, did you?

- Kind of.

- Inventing a time travel device

would require decades of advanced education

and scientific research.

- Then I guess it's time for another montage.

[energetic orchestral music]

* *

- Oh! Ow!

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

* *

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[grunting]

Hmm. Uh-huh.

* *

Huh. Hmm. Hmm.

* *

Mm-hmm. [explosion]

Mm-hmm.

* *

- Congratulations. - Yeah!

* *

Finally back in business.

* *

You are not going in there!

- Who are you?

- I'm you as an older, smarter sea star.

I'm here to tell you that going back in time

could impact your future

in horrible, unspeakable ways!

- Oh!

Guess I'll go do something else, then!

- Well, how about some breakfast?

- We just had breakfast 15 minutes ago.

- Oh.

Well, I suppose it can wait until tomorrow.

- Or we can use the time closet

to go back 15 minutes.

- Uh, great idea!

After you.

- [humming melody]

Whoopty-doo.

- Yay! Breakfast!

- Hmm.

There's that toasty feeling again.

- [snoring]

[both snoring]

[together] Happy anniversary,

Mom and Dad! - [barking]

- Oh! - Hey!

- Aww.

- We got you something for your special day!

Squidina and I got you reservations to

the Acropolis All You Can Eat-atorium!

Enjoy the finest cuisine in ancient Greece,

endless heaps of Caesar salad,

and dinner with a show!

- Oh, fancy!

But whatever will I wear?

- Leave that to me. - Ooh!

[grunts]

- Whoa! - Togas!

- OK, best be on your way.

With my parents away for the day,

we can invite our friends over.

It's going to be awesome! [laughing]

- [laughs maniacally]

- Let's get ready for our unchaperoned party!

- Party!

- Huh. - - Gee whillikers.

Who knew ancient Greece was so spacious?

- Oh. - Oh!

"Tonight, the 1,000th Annual Weird Alien Contest,

hosted by Dale Goppler." - Hey!

- First prize is dinner for two.

[gasps] We could eat twice tonight!

I'm in.

- SpongeBob sits here. Pearl sits here.

Elwood sits here.

And Patrick and I make five.

The perfect number of guests for our sneaky shindig.

[doorbell ringing] Huh?

- I got it! I got it!

SpongeBob!

- I brought kelp chips! Woo-hoo!

- Pearl! - Who wants soda pop?

- Elwood!

- I didn't have time to get anything, so...

[cash register]

I brought my dad's wallet.

Ugh.

- Ew!

Expired credit card? Pfft.

- Here you go.

Now let's get this party sensibly started!

[crashing]

- Huh? Pat the Hapless?

I didn't know you were invited.

So, Pat, buddy.

What did you bring to the party?

[grunting]

- Everybody! - Party!

[groaning]

- I don't think we're remotely weird enough to win, hon.

- Oh, what a load of barnacles.

Ooh!

- Ooh!

- A two-headed toga monster! Now that's weird.

- Aw! You look just like our parents.

- Not weird enough, Bunny.

Hmm. Oh!

Follow me.

- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 1,000th

Annual Weirdest Alien Contest!

[applause]

The first round of our contest

is the Weirdest Smile Competition.

So please welcome our first contestant,

the Two-Headed Toga Twins!

[cheers and applause]

- Um...

- Hmm.

- Oh, right.

Weird.

Mwah!

[cheers and applause]

- All right!

And now for our next contestant, Gert Grinvlox!

- [giggling]

- [laughs] You call that a smile?

- [grunting]

[glass shattering]

[people screaming]

- It seems we have our first winner!

[triumphant music]

- Don't worry, hon!

We'll just have to get weirder in the next round.

- Wow, this is great!

- [breathing heavily]

- It's cool.

- Uh! More!

Uh!

More!

- My turn now!

- Ooh?

- Oh. Pucker up, Cave Pat!

[kissing]

- Hey, Patrick.

Don't you think this party is getting a little out of hand?

- Don't worry, sis.

I'm sure we can clean up before anyone gets home.

- I'm home! What the what?

- Huh? - What?

[together] Oh, no!

- You should be ashamed of yourselves!

Throwing a party...

[both whimpering]

- Without GrandPat!

Woo! Cannonball!

[screaming]

Now it's a party!

- Oh, yeah! [air horns blaring]

[upbeat music]

- [screaming]

- And now the next round of our contest, cooking!

Each of our contestants will craft

a weirdly delicious dish

using the same common ingredient...

a shrunken human!

- Where am I? - Here's your human.

- What? [whimpering]

- And a human for you.

- [nervous mumbling]

- And here's your human. - Oh!

- OK, chefs.

Your time begins now.

[roaring]

Oh! I'm allergic to humans!

- Me too!

- How do you cook a human?

They don't even taste good!

- Just get started, Bunny!

Get slicing.

[tense music]

- [yawning]

- Time's up, chefs! [bell rings]

Let's see how you did.

Hmm? - * La, la, la, la, la, la *

[screaming]

- Hmm.

[buzzer blares]

[audience groaning]

- Aw. - Well, better luck next time.

Huh?

You haven't done anything with your human.

- Tell me about it.

- [grunting]

- And voil�! Stuffed human.

- Hmm.

- [belching] - Oh!

- Ah!

- Mm-mmm. [buzzer blares]

[audience booing] - Oh, that's too bad.

[vocalizing]

What happened to our last contestant?

- [humming melody]

I'm delicious! Ooh, oh!

- Hmm.

Mm-hmm. [bright chime]

[audience cheering]

- This is a first, ladies and gentlemen.

The human wins!

- Woo-hoo! Ah!

[cheers and applause]

Yes, yes, yes!

- Oh!

- All righty.

Who's ready to get weird

with tonight's final competition,

the Dance-Off!

[air horns blaring]

Let's welcome our first contestant,

all the way from the Zorblek system, Regina!

- [grunting]

- Oh my, the judge seems impressed.

- [belches]

- [grunting]

- Yeow!

[cheers and applause]

- And finally, welcome our last contestants, these things!

[elegant orchestral music]

[confused muttering]

* *

- [belches]

* *

[both scream]

* *

[together] Our togas!

- [gasps]

[concerned murmurs]

[eerie music]

- [screams] - [retches]

- [retches]

- Ladies and gentleglorps,

never before in the history of this contest

have I seen anything so incredibly weird!

Just look at them!

[cheers and applause]

- Congratulations!

You're officially weirdos!

- Oh!

- Oh, Cecil.

This is the perfect anniversary.

- Yeah.

It's a shame the kids aren't here to see it.

- Wait. There are more of you?

- Let me in!

[grunting]

Huh?

[screams]

My precious posterior!

- Please welcome your children!

[cheers and applause]

- Hey, kiddos! - Who are all your friends?

- We kind of had a house party while you guys were gone.

Are you mad?

- Not at all, son!

Your mother and I had the best time

we've had in years.

Plus, now we have this great big juicy ham!

[together] Oh, boy, ham!

- Well, we're not digested yet!

Let's party!

[all cheering]

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