Original subtitles

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom. [laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

* *

This is my show!

* *

[jaunty music]

* *

- Hey, kid!

Tired of picking at your belly button all day?

- Not really.

- Want to go somewhere cool and delicious?

- [exclaims]

- Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

- Take a dip, dude, at Frozen Falls!

The only waterpark where everything is ice cream.

- [laughs]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Chill out and chow down in the Lazy Cream River!

And carve the bowl on our Banana Split Slide!

And top it all off with our tastiest ride...

- [moans]

[rumbling]

[screams]

- The Baked Alaska!

It's got every flavor known to man, man!

And it's all for you, Patrick.

- [moaning]

- Patrick...Patrick...

Patrick...

Patrick... - Patrick?

Patrick?

Patrick?

Wake up, Patrick, it's showtime!

We've got a good crowd today, so--

huh, why is the floor wet?

Oh, another ice cream dream.

Gross!

[panting, grunting]

Maybe he'll stop drooling after his breakfast patty.

[squeaking]

- [exclaims]

[pants]

[munching]

- Thanks, Squidina!

You'll never believe the dream I had.

There was ice cream!

And a waffle cone raft!

With sprinkles!

And--and--and hot fudge!

- Let's turn down the drooling for today, shall we?

- [gibbers]

- [grunts]

Okay, something is definitely wrong here--

which makes for great TV!

And now, put your fins together for the aquatic acrobatics

of the Dancing Drooler!

[cheers and applause]

[whistle trilling]

[all oohing]

[gentle waltz music]

* *

[all ahh-ing]

- Ooh, I got to go bathroom.

[grunting]

- Patrick, no!

Don't open the door!

- Well, what's going on here?

[yelling]

* *

- [panting] - Ooh.

Only thing that would make this relaxing bath better

is a relaxing song.

[discordant accordion music] [yodeling out of tune]

- [yelps]

[whimpering]

[yodeling and accordion continue]

[grunts]

Oh, my.

[dramatic music]

* *

Yowch!

Tinkle!

Now is not the time to play Butt Biting Toilet Shark!

- Is this the episode where Patrick can't stop drooling?

Eh, seen it!

Old Tidal Wave Mouth ain't gonna flood my room this time!

- Here you go!

- Oh, thank you, Patrick.

[yelps]

[groans]

- Anyone else feel wetter than usual?

- Uh, Patrick?

Your raging mouth water washed us out of our house!

- Oh! I see!

So I'm the only sea star who's ever slobbered slightly!

- Son, I'm afraid excessive moisture

just runs in the family.

Here, try this.

- Stand back!

He's gonna blow!

- Perch Perkins here, live at the site of a flooded house.

And with me today is a special guest, my great-grandmother.

Say hi!

- Hello.

It's my birthday.

[noisemaker bleats] - 112! Ha-ha!

I swear that woman will live forever.

* *

- See, my drooling is totally under control.

- Of course you are, sweetie.

Now hold still while Mummy tapes your mouth shut.

- [whimpering]

- Well, if we can't stop him, at least we can use him.

Ha-ha! Take that, Gladys!

You nosy gnat. - Huh?

[yelps]

- [laughing]

[yells]

- Ooh?

[all murmuring]

[crunch] - Uh-oh.

[wailing]

My butt!

* *

- Okay, I think Patrick officially needs a doctor.

- Or a plumber.

[jaunty music playing]

- [coughing]

- Is your sink sick?

Is your commode feeling queasy?

Then let me, Dr. Plumber, diagnose your drain.

- Oh, it's Dr. Plumber!

He was Tinkle's pediatrician.

- I bet he can fix Patrick's leak.

We just have to find his van.

[townspeople groaning]

- Hi! - Beautiful day!

- Have fun!

[giggling] - Greetings!

- Join the party!

- Want some birthday cake?

[all screaming]

- Huh? - Oh!

[both murmuring nervously]

[dramatic music]

[both scream]

both: My butt!

[surf rock music]

[all yell]

all: It's Tinkle!

- And he's hungry for heinies!

- Hey, Dad!

Make Patrick go faster!

- I'm giving him all I've got!

- Drool harder, Patrick!

Please!

* *

- I've got it!

Take a left!

[munching] [yelps]

- Oh, no!

Isn't there's someone who could control this crazed toilet?

[horn honks "Dixie"] all: Huh?

- Did someone say, someone?

all: Dr. Plumber!

- [snarls]

[all yell]

- Hmm.

[gurgling] Hmm.

This toilet's got heinies on the brain!

[all gasp]

[brain farting] [chuckles]

- [panting]

- Oh, now who's a tidy boy? - [barks]

- That's right.

Enjoy the urinal cake, my little Tinkle.

Bye.

- Please, Mr. Dr. Plumber, can you fix my brother next?

- Huh, what seems to be the trouble, son?

I see.

It's a good thing you made it to my van when you did.

Now, let's see here.

I'm going in.

[grunts]

[sawing, drill whirring]

[hammer pounding]

There.

I fixed the clog. - Yay!

- Wait! Patrick wasn't clogged!

You made his drooling worse?

- Uh...

[chuckles]

My job here is done, little girl.

[grunts]

Have a urinal cake!

- [growling]

What are we gonna do now?

Patrick is stuck like this!

Huh?

- Hey! - Whoa-ho!

- If we can't stop him, at least we can use him!

[laughter, cheering]

[surf rock music]

- Aha!

[birds chirping]

[alarm ringing]

[all grunting]

- "The Patrick Show" presents...

[siren wailing]

[all shouting]

[dramatic music]

* *

[whimpering]

Huh?

Oh!

I lost my baby tongue!

I'm cured!

Who-hoo!

[humming]

I love a happy ending!

[all screaming]

[jaunty music]

- SPF 900?

That's pretty good.

I did not know they made it that strong.

Huh? And we're back.

I'd like to thank my guest, Nosferatu,

for stopping by.

Catch his one-vampire show,

"I Didn't Order the Stake!" [woman screams]

Now at the Bikini Bottom Playhouse.

No flash photography or garlic allowed, right?

- [snarling]

[cheers and applause]

[engine revving]

[cheers and applause]

Zip it!

[buzzer blares]

[chuckles] Up next, we've got some weird alien animals

from the Rings of Saturn Zoo.

Please welcome zookeeper Space Rube!

[laughs] Applaud!

[cheers and applause]

Mm...hmm.

Ooh? Whoa!

You look just like me!

- Well golly, then I must be one handsome devil!

[both laugh]

[donkey braying]

- What do you have for us today?

- Well, I brought you some amazing alien animals

from all over the universe!

[creatures snarling] - Bad!

Bad! Back!

- First up is this little fella!

[crowd awwing]

It's a fluff from Planet X!

- [grunting, laughing]

- This little cutie's been feeding off my vital fluids

ever since I found him.

And now he's feeding off yours!

[squelching]

- [groaning]

- Up next, I've got a boggy ecto.

- Here you go.

[all oohing]

Ooh!

- [screeches]

[all oh-ing]

- It was time for the little darlin's lunch.

Ha!

- Good boy!

[jaunty music]

- And I'm back!

What's next?

[crowd aww-ing]

- Thank you.

[all gasp]

- What was that?

- That was my lunch.

- Amazing!

[cheers and applause]

Can I eat one? [creature screeches]

- Just hold still while I do your makeup!

- Oh, my goodness!

That big boy is an enigma shapeshifter.

It's the most dangerous creature in the universe.

[creature screeching] - [grunting]

[door yells]

- [whistling]

Hello.

[whistling]

- And now it's loose in your house!

- How do you catch one of those things?

- I have no idea.

It came with the pet carrier.

I guess you'd have to be some kind of--alien space hunter!

- Space what now?

- [giggling]

[dramatic music]

Co-starring Squidina Star as Patrick's attorney.

- [humming]

- [snarling]

- [humming]

Huh? That's weird.

Now why would I see two toasters?

Silly me!

It's because I have two eyes!

[humming]

Huh?

The toast just popped up perfectly.

It's never done that before.

It always fights me!

Ahh!

The toaster is working perfectly!

- Toaster! You're toast.

- Whoa!

- [shrieking]

- [yelps]

- [screeches]

- Eat hot laser beam!

- Huh? Whoa! Oh!

- Hoo-ha, hoo-ha, hoo-ha! - [panting]

This should cover your damages.

- Ooh!

50 free hugs!

Okay.

Let's try that again.

[upbeat jazz music]

Ooh.

Ah!

Ahh. Much better.

[dramatic music]

* *

- Mm-hmm.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

- [whistling]

- Ahem.

This should cover the damages.

- Wahoo!

- Welcome back to "The Space Rube Show."

We're here with Cecil Star.

So what planet are you from?

- I think I'm from Planet Ka-Ching--

'cause I just got this check!

all: Amazing!

- [snoring]

[whistling]

[grunts]

- Wake up, old timer!

Seen a shapeshifting alien around these parts?

- [screeching]

- All right, all right!

You don't have to get all huffy with me.

Hmph.

- Thanks for covering for me, Shape Shifty!

I didn't feel like dealing with my annoying family today.

- [shrieking]

- [shrieking]

Hmph!

Ha!

- [jabbering, whimpering]

- This should cover your damages.

- Huh? Ooh.

30 foot rubs?

Whoo-hoo!

Ow! Ow!

[heart beating]

- Shifty?

Nope.

Shifty?

Nope.

Couch!

Are you the shapeshifter?

Huh.

Nope.

Painting!

Are you the shapeshifter?

[Bunny humming]

Nope.

Huh, huh... [yells]

Ha!

I see you now, shapeshifter!

Huh?

But which chair are you?

[grunts] [neck cracks]

Looks like I'm gonna have to break up this dinette set.

* *

Huh?

Hmm.

Pull up a chair?

Don't mind if I do!

You must be this one!

So you won't talk, eh, stoolie?

Hmm.

Why don't you take a powder?

[groaning]

You'll not beat me!

Gah!

I'm gonna rocker your world!

[sobs]

Hmm?

Heh-heh, got you now.

Hold onto your seat, shape shifty!

'Cause here I come!

* *

[chuckles] Uh-oh.

[yelling]

Owie, owie, owie!

Yow!

Mission accomplished.

- This should cover the latest damages.

- Huh?

- Patrick!

You're lying on the shapeshifter!

- [yelps] Don't eat me!

I'm too dumb to die!

- [snarling] - Hey, shapeshifter!

Anybody can turn into a table,

but I bet you can't be a boat.

- Oh, yeah?

- It was too easy.

How about a bulldog?

- [snarls, barks]

- Not bad, but now it's time for the lightning round.

Parking meter.

Tea set.

Rubber ducky.

Water cooler.

[lively music]

Bet you can't change into an ice cream cone.

- Ooh!

Mmm, shapeshifter flavor.

- This check's for me.

- [laughs] - Wah!

- Oh, my goodness!

I'd like to thank tonight's guests--

Cecil Star, Lazy Mary, Old Lady Baby Prunes,

and my special guest, Patrick Star!

- Thanks, Ruby!

- And remember, always stay...

[grunting, groaning]

Amazing!

[all grunting, groaning]

[all snarling]

- Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

[growls, snarls]

[upbeat music]

* *

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