Original subtitles

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star.

And I live with my parents.

Ow!

This is my dad.

This is my mom.

[giggles]

This is my sister-- she's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room.

And this...

This is my show!

[cheering]

- Welcome back, astro-viewers,

to the SS Silver Minnow--

home to intrepid explorer

Captain Doug Quasar!

As the most advanced ship in the galaxy,

the Minnow is packed to the gills

with all manner of cutting-edge technology.

And also this robot.

- [burps]

[phone rings]

Yeah, who is it?

Pat-Tron, it's Captain Doug Quasar.

I'm locked out.

I need you to open the ship's door.

- I'm sorry Doug, I'm afraid I can't do that.

- What? Of course you can!

It's an order. I'm the captain.

- Ha, I don't think so.

The captain always has his keys with him.

And his keys are right here.

Okay, gotta go.

Hmm...

Maybe the real captain's lost.

I better go find him.

- Open up, you junky old star-toaster!

[screams]

- Uh, nope, no captain here.

- [screams]

[yelling]

- Not here, either.

- [screams] Oof!

- Nope! - [yelling]

- Uh-uh. - Ow!

Oof! - Not here.

I'm helping.

- Aw, he is a good helper.

Oh, hey there!

Today on "The Patrick Show,"

you'll be watching me watch cartoons.

- And now, stay tuned

for our six-hour marathon of...

"Bowling for Clams!"

- Bowling?

Boring! I want cartoons.

[stuttering]

[bowling strike sound]

[stutters]

[gasps]

- [hisses, growls]

- Wow.

The remote seems grumpier than usual.

I guess it's gone forever.

- You could go looking for the remote.

You know, find it, bring it back.

Fetch it! Fetch it, boy!

You can do it.

Go on, go get that remote.

- Okay, I'll do it!

[adventurous music plays]

Hi, I'm Patrick Star.

And we're gonna be searching for the "Remoto Dragon,"

More commonly known as the TV remote.

On today's "Lookin' Around For..."

- [grunts]

[grunting]

Okay, camera one is good to go.

- Ow! - [gurgles]

- Happy hunting. And remember,

don't come home empty-handed.

Your entire "Patrick Show" audience is watching!

- Huh?

Oh... - Oh, don't mind me.

I always enjoy a good failure.

[chuckles]

- Huh.

Whoo!

- Ooh.

[grunts]

- Fascinating.

These natural sofa formations

must have been here for thousands of years.

Or at least since Mom reupholstered the couch.

Wow.

This place is a gold mine.

Oh, I thought I lost this comic!

Cha-ching!

Check out all the loose change.

What?

Oh, my gosh,

my yo-yo!

[giggles]

I missed you most of all, yo-yo.

[grunts]

[gulps] Oh...

Whoa!

[yells]

[gasps]

Must be the end of the river.

Maybe we can pick up his trail from here.

Ooh, ooh.

Remoto Dragons love to hide deep in cushion jungles

just like these.

- [snarls]

[growls]

- Wait, remote!

Come back and let me catch you!

- [snarls]

- [panting]

Help, I'm being crushed

by two of the biggest, roundest, heaviest things

I've ever been crushed by!

["Mermaid Man" theme plays] - Joy!

The 168-hour "Mermaid Man" marathon is about to begin!

Time to get really, really, extra comfortable.

- [growls]

- [screams]

Ouch...

- You did it Ouchie, we're safe!

[yells]

I was wrong.

Tragedy can strike at any moment!

Whoa!

- Ah!

[whimpers]

Whoa!

[grunts]

Oof! [struggles]

Oh, shrimp!

Patrick, I lost the rope.

Are you okay? Are you still recording?

- Still here and still rolling, sis.

I think some sort of sock-a-dactyl

took me to its house. - [screeches]

- [chirping]

- Ooh.

Looks like it's lunch time.

[gurgles]

[burps]

Mmm, tastes like argyle.

- Ew.

Wait. A sock-a-dactyl?

Patrick, I don't think you're in the couch anymore!

I think you've broken through to a dresser!

Don't worry, Big Brother,

I promise I'll find you!

- Cool, you do you.

I'm gonna keep looking for the remote.

[yawns]

- [panting]

He's got to be here somewhere!

[clowns squeaking]

[grunts] Huh?

- [humming]

What's going on, sweetie?

Patrick went in the couch after the remote,

but now I lost him in a dresser!

- [chuckles] That's nice.

Is Patrick your imaginary friend?

- What? No, he's your son!

- [gasps]

My imaginary son is in trouble?

Then I'm going in after him.

[grunts]

- [struggles]

This might take a moment.

So we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

[struggles]

[European folk music playing]

- Hi, I'm Rube Goldfish,

owner of Bikini Bottom Gold Tours.

And I wanna take you on a magical trip

through your own furniture.

- Ooh.

- Imagine eight luxurious days

seeing your couch, your love seat,

even your credenza,

like you've never seen them before.

Why, you've never truly experienced

Grandma's china hutch

until you've spent the night there.

Ooh, looks cozy!

Call the number to book your trip today.

It'll be amazing.

[gasps, screams]

- Aw, there's no remote here, either.

[dramatic music]

- Tally-ho!

- Ah!

- Now, remember, if you find Patrick,

give a shout and tug on the rope.

- Oh, no.

I ain't going searchin' for a boob

who can't find his way out of a chair.

I have nappin' to do!

- He's your grandson!

Besides, it's going to be on TV,

which makes it important.

- [screams]

- Some Remoto Dragons have adapted to urban living,

and can now be found in old junk drawers.

Like this one.

Ooh, looks like a dragon print.

Hey, I was lookin' at that!

- [snarls] - Wow, Remoto.

You got big.

- [growls]

[snarling] - [grunting]

[shouts] - [snarls]

- Huh?

The low battery light?

No wonder you've been so cranky.

[yells] - [growls]

[snarls]

- [whimpers]

Batteries!

Oh, I hope they're double A.

- [growling]

- [struggles]

- [struggling] - [growling]

[gulps]

[snarls]

[barks happily]

- [giggles] Aww.

Squidina, I did it! I got the remote.

But how do I get out of here?

- [struggles]

Don't worry, bro. I sent the whole town

into the couch searching for you.

We'll have you out in a jiffy!

[struggles]

- Yo, pink dude, ya in here?

- Breaking news, local stay-at-home son

Patrick Star is missing in the couch.

Film at 11.

- Where's my big boy?

I brought you a change of underwear.

- I did it! I found him!

I found him!

[all yelling]

[all shout]

- [giggles]

Huh? Hmm?

- My boy.

- But that's not Patrick, that's Ouchie.

- Are you sure?

He has my eyes.

- Do you know what this means?

Patrick's lost!

He's putting on the best show ever

and we're not getting any of it!

This is terrible!

Maybe we should send someone in after him.

- Patrick, you're safe!

- Patrick, I'm safe! - Ooh!

- And now I can use the remote again.

[all cheer weakly] - My boy.

- It all worked out.

How disappointing.

[chatter on television]

- Hello? - Hm?

- Can anyone hear me?

I'm still in here! [banging]

What's going on?

- See, this is why you need a remote.

- Hey!

What's this, bowling?

I love bowling!

I'll show you amateurs

how we used to knock 'em down before the war!

Gimme that ball!

[grunts]

[shouts]

Whoo-hoo!

- Go, GrandPat! - I love bowling!

[whimsical music]

* *

- Hm?

[applause]

Thank you, thank you.

Welcome to the first annual Pat-A-Thon.

We're raising money today for Snails Who Can't Dance.

And here's your host,

Patrick Star!

- [burps] - [screams]

- [yells] Oof!

[funky music plays]

* They weren't born to boogie *

* It's a sad, sad tale *

* Never learned to dance *

* Like a happy *

Uh...

- Snail!

- Gesundheit!

- [applauds]

- Hey, folks!

You wanna know how snails settle their differences?

They "slug" it out!

Eh? Eh? [crickets chirp]

Aw.

- The canned laughter is stuck!

- Ha-ha.

[wheezes] - It's gone stale.

- Oh. [laughs]

Let's say hello to our Pat-A-Thon phone bank!

We collected some neighborhood randos

to sit by and take your calls and pledges.

- [barks]

- You can call me with your most intimate pledges.

- If you'd like to make a call,

please hang up and try again. - [burps]

- Excuse me, I don't want to do this.

I'm just here for my paper route money.

[phone rings] Hello?

- [mumbling] - Is there a "Boring" here?

An I.M. Boring?

Does anyone know I.M. Boring?

- Yeah, we know! [laughter]

- [grumbles]

- Ha. Today's goal is to raise a thousand hundred dollars

to get every non-hoofing snail

the dance lessons they need.

Hey!

Let's check the tote board

to see how much money we've raised so far.

[giggles]

Such generosity.

Let's check in with GrandPat in the backyard.

He's gonna do a dangerous stunt to help us raise money.

Take it away, Church Curtains!

- Uh, that's Perch Perkins.

And I'm here in the Star Family backyard

where GrandPat will attempt a frightening and stupid set

of daredevil stunts

on what looks like an obstacle course

built by a stark raving lunatic.

Oh, and here's our future casualty now.

What are you doin' there, old-timer?

- I'm making out my will.

Nobody gets nothin'!

- Ah-ha, the elderly.

Back to the studio.

- Thanks, Lurch.

Right now, I'd like to bring out

one of the reasons why we're doing this telethon.

Say hello to Gary--

a snail who can't dance--

and his owner, Spongebob!

* *

- Thank you, Mister Star.

- Now tell us your pathetic story

just like we rehearsed.

- Yes, well, you see,

I've tried every dance there is with Gary.

We tried tap.

Hm?

[deflating noise] - Meow.

- We tried ballet.

Eh?

- [groans]

- We even tried slam dancing.

- [groans]

- But my poor snail just can't dance.

[banging] - Let's go!

Dirty laundry time!

- Mom!

I'm doing a show!

- And I'm doing the laundry.

Come on, off with your dirty shorts.

- Aw...

Hey, Mom, since you're here,

why don't you do that thing with your tattoo?

- [giggles]

Oh, all right.

* *

[giggles]

Whoo-whoo! [giggles]

Whoo!

* *

Whoo! [giggles]

* *

[applause]

- Master, I'd like to pledge

so the snails can dance.

- With what?

You don't have anything because I don't pay you.

- Patgor has been saving things from the doctor's floor.

Patgor was going to build a friend,

but now wants snails to dance.

- Oh, you know I don't approve of things that aren't wicked.

But perhaps making a snail dance

is a new kind of evil.

Where's the phone?

[doorbell rings] - Argh!

- [grunts] Sheesh,

I haven't used this thing

since I was hanging out with Dracula.

Dead--just like Dracula.

[crickets chirping]

[evil laughter]

Release the Whirly Brains!

- [laughs]

- Ring, ring!

Give my phone life! [cackles]

- [phone rings] - [Spongebob monster rings]

- I've got an incredible offer on an exclusive time share

in the Black Lagoon if you act now!

- [groans]

Now I remember why I disabled the phone.

[chainsaw whirrs]

[evil laughter]

[lively saxophone music]

[both screaming]

* *

- [screams]

[both screaming]

* *

- [yells]

[laughs] - [screams]

- Great! Hey, everybody,

I just bought a time share in the Black Lagoon!

[applause]

- Hold everything!

Stop the music!

You don't need to raise money.

- Is that a toaster?

- T'ain't a toaster!

I call it the Automatic Snail Hoofer.

Just hook your gastropod up to this baby

and they'll be boogieing at the barn in seconds.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Y'see, the hoofer does your dance moves for ya.

When I flip this switch,

Gary will be trippin' the light fantastic!

- [gurgling]

Meow.

- Woah-oah-oah-oah!

- [laughs]

Oof!

[all yelling]

D'oh!

- May I have the next dance?

- [screams]

It just needs some minor adjustments.

- [yowls] - Yikes!

[screams]

* *

- Whoo-hoo!

One penny on the way to our goal.

Keep those calls, letters, and psychic messages coming in.

Oh, psychic message coming in from the backyard.

And Birch Jerkins.

- That's Perch Perkins.

You're now looking at the Alligator Jump,

Wheel of Fire, ten blindfolded boxing champs,

and a math teacher with a problem.

The time is getting closer when Patrick's grandfather

will sacrifice himself in order to help

poor, unfortunate snails to dance.

- What's this about snails?

- [laughs] Oh, what a relic.

Back to you.

- Thanks, Blerch!

- Gary, get fixin' to shake your tail feather

'cause I got a new solution!

I call it the Cutting a Rug Rug.

[vibrates]

Let me demonstrate.

All right, Gary, show 'em what you got!

- Meow! [vibrates]

- Whoa!

* Bow to your partner Bow to your own *

* You're shook up Down to the bone *

* And a dosido--*

[screams]

[phone rings] - Y'ello?

- [mumbles] - Anybody here named Ima?

Ima Loser?

Hey, everybody! Ima Loser!

- We know! [laughter]

- [grumbles]

- [snores] [alarm rings]

[shouts] Oof!

Looks like we're nearing the end of our Pat-A-Thon

for Snails Who Can't Dance.

But before we go,

let's get out to our big finale

with Perch Perkins!

- That's Search Gherkins!

I-I mean Smerch Lurkins!

Agh! Whatever.

Time for the big stunt.

[sighs]

Looks like grandson is giving grandfather

a last-minute pep talk.

- I just wanna say it's been nice knowing you.

Oh, wait, wait,

that came out wrong.

- Grandson,

can you check the heating pad in my seat?

It's not working.

- [grunts] Ooh.

Well, my buns are nice and toasty.

[yells] - [chuckles]

- Whoa!

[screams]

[screaming]

- [yells] - [giggles]

- Ha-ha!

- [shivers]

- The excitement is killing me.

Is it killing you?

- Maybe.

[both yelling]

- I did it! - [yells]

- I did it, y'all! - Ah!

- I found the cure! - Meow.

- I call it the Tap Spray.

- Meow?

[jazz music playing]

[tapping]

- Meow.

[meowing]

* *

Meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow!

- Yahoo!

Look at that snail a-tappin'!

- Yeah!

[phone rings] - Ah.

* *

[tapping] [Spongebob vocalizing]

- [yells]

[crashing]

- Thank you, everyone,

for making this Pat-A-Thon a huge success!

- All right, listen up.

I've got a message here from a Mia Dumbbell.

Can someone please call Mia Dumbell?

- [in unison] Okay, You're a dumbbell!

[laughter] - [grumbles]

I hate telethons!

[upbeat music]

* *

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0