Original subtitles

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents.

Ow!

This is my dad.

[wacky music]

This is my mom.

? ?

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

this is my show!

? ?

[peaceful music]

- [yawns]

? ?

Whee!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

- [panting]

Huh?

- [snoring]

- Patrick?

- [grunts, giggles]

- Patrick!

- [continues snoring]

- Come on, Patrick. The show must go on.

[coughing]

Coming to you from the Star family home,

It's time for...

"The Patrick Show"!

And here is your wide-awake host...

- Me! [triumphant music]

Today, I'm gonna show you

some great miniature golf tips.

Fore!

Five...

nine...

[grunts]

- [gasps]

- This would probably work better with a golf club.

I'll be right back.

Take it away, Squidina.

- Patrick, you know I have stage-4 stage fright!

[whimpers]

[crickets chirp, audience coughs]

[laughs nervously]

- [laughing]

Huh?

Oh, hi, GrandPat!

Just going upstairs.

- Greetings, grandson!

Just going downstairs. There we go.

- I'm just gonna go get some-- - Please step aside.

- Please step aside. - What?

- What? No-- both: No, you step aside.

- Age before ugly.

- Pearls before swine.

- I before thee!

- I'm sorry, GrandPat,

but Dad always told me...

- Son, the best advice I could ever give you is:

"Never back down from a 'stair off.'"

- I told you that!

That's my advice.

- Ow! Oof! Ooh!

- Well, I don't care who said it first.

I gotta get my golf club.

- And I hate the upstairs bathroom.

[both growling]

[both grunt]

both: Eh?

- En garde.

- I'll unguard you.

both: I challenge you to a stair off!

[both braying]

[electricity crackling]

- [laughing]

[quirky music]

- [grumbles]

- [whines]

Master, I was watching that.

- Please.

That show is made by idiots for morons.

- That's why I love it.

- [groaning]

Eyeball!

- [laughing]

- [growls]

[both shrieking]

[doorbell rings]

both: ? Who is it? ?

- [growls]

- I'm home!

[giggling]

[mob cheers]

- Ah, shut up!

- Aww, what's the matter Dr. P?

- Pat-gor is hogging the remote again.

- Well, I wanna watch the idiots on the stairs.

- Hmm.

There must be a way to watch two shows at the same time.

Let me think. - Ha-ha!

You see, Pat-gor,

now that I upgraded the SpongeMonster

with a genius brain,

he can rationally solve any problem.

[cackling]

Don't think too hard, brainiac;

you'll have a blowout.

- [babbling]

[explosion]

- I told him. - You did.

- [grunts]

[quirky music]

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- I know exactly what to do.

- [groans]

- Two shows at the same time.

- Huzzah, master! He is a genius.

- Here you go!

[both shouting]

[electricity crackling]

- Mm-hmm!

[both groan]

- Now back to "The Patrick Show"!

[triumphant music]

[suspenseful music]

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- Nobody's coming down these stairs, soldier!

- And nobody's going up them either, dog face.

- Hot stuff, coming through.

I have to use the downstairs bathroom.

- Stand with me, son.

And someday, when this Neptune-forsaken war

is over you'll use that bathroom--

right after me.

- Stand with me, Father,

and help retrieveth my golf club.

- Sorry, son. But I really have to go.

- Aww, Dad.

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- We are in the middle of a show.

What are you doing? - I need to get my golf club.

And GrandPat won't let me go upstairs.

- [growls]

- [sweetly] GrandPat?

Patrick needs that club, which means the show needs that club,

which means we're getting that club!

[roars]

- [whimpers] - Uh-huh.

[grunting] Here.

[shouting]

- Get 'em! - Get 'em.

[Squidina and GrandPat cheering indistinctly]

? ?

- Patrick? Squidina?

Anyone?

I have important news!

[screams]

- Morning, Gladys. - Morning, Bunny.

- [grunting]

- Mop up the floor with him!

- [groaning] Patrick.

[groans]

- Oh!

What is it, Mom?

Tell us, what is it? [whimpers]

- I made jelly sandwiches!

all: Yeah!

[all munching]

- This is Perch Perkins coming to you live

from a local suburban home

where, after a brief ceasefire for jelly sandwiches,

a stair war continues to escalate.

- Will those who wanna go up the stairs stand down?

all: No!

- Will those who want to go down the stairs stand up?

all: No!

both: Then we shall clash.

[all shouting]

- Wow! This is the most exciting stair war

of all the stair wars I've ever been to.

Look out! Incoming bread!

Sourdough! Pumpernickel!

[reporter shouting, helicopter zooming]

- [growls]

- [growls]

- Bread won't stop him.

Time for plan B!

[toilet growls]

[shrieks]

This is why I hate the upstairs bathroom!

Age before ugly!

? ?

- So we meet again, eh?

Who are you?

- I'm the one who's gonna make you wish I wasn't your grandpa.

- Wait! I know you.

GrandPat! [laughing]

- Don't change the subject.

I still want satisfaction.

- Very well.

We joust!

[dramatic music]

? ?

[both shouting]

- Hey, wait a minute.

I've got something caught in my teeth.

Hey! My golf club!

Hey, Squidina, I got my club!

[laughing]

[house rumbling]

- [shouts]

Huh?

The downstairs bathroom!

- Mustache before beard.

- [groans]

[whimpers]

[wacky music]

- Whoo-hoo! And we're back.

- And we're out of time.

Tune in tomorrow for more fun on "The Patrick Show"!

See you then.

- Oops.

- Come on, wheel.

Give me a good idea for my show.

Eel hats?

Well, I guess we could do a fashion episode.

[shouts]

Well, that's no good. [harrumphs]

Who knew making TV shows

would be harder than watching TV shows?

Uh-oh.

- Morning. [shouts]

Patrick, how's the ole creative process going?

- Terrible!

I've been spinning all morning, and I still got nothing.

- Hmm.

Uh-huh.

Well, I'm sure he'll come up with a neat show idea, like...

[music box tune playing, engine humming]

- Ice cream!

- [groans]

? ?

- Well, looks like we're doing another ice cream show!

- ? Who's the peanut with a man inside ?

? That sings your favorite song? ?

? Who's got sweets and frozen treats ?

? That you can spend your money on? ?

? Who's your favorite ice cream man ?

? From now until you're gone? ?

children: ? The Goober truck guy! ?

[slurping]

- ? Who shows you how to... ? Ah!

It's him. Sweet Neptune!

[cowering] - I'll take a Sweet Neptune.

? ?

[light music]

? ?

- [gasps]

[chomps]

[gobbling] Ah!

[cackles]

[munching]

- The horror. The horror!

[warbles]

- Ice cream!

- The horror!

- Looks like you made quite the impression.

? ?

[crickets chirp]

- Now that that's over... - Hmm?

- We're live in five, four,

three, two... [mouths word]

- Oh, no.

There is no show until I get my ice cream.

Mean old ice cream man! I'm gonna get your ice cream.

- Guess if you want something done,

sometimes you have to take matters

into your own tentacles.

The show must go on.

[grunting]

[as Patrick] Welcome to "The Patrick Show"!

Today, we are talking about...uh...

uh, oh--enemies.

I got 'em. You got 'em.

Sometimes, I'm my own sister's enemy 'cause I go crazy

and I ruin all her hard work.

Now, here's a pre-recorded segment,

from when I wasn't being such a stubborn jerk.

- Hey, there.

Today we're looking at nature,

which is, like, plants and rocks

and books and stuff, I guess.

Hey! There's my pet, Ouchie.

He's natural.

And he's got a big bowl of yummy, tasty, urchin food.

And there's his natural enemy, the sea bunny.

I call him Pinkeye.

- Ooh! - Ooh, he's hungry!

I wonder if Ouchie will share?

Mother says sharing is caring,

but she never wants to share her lipstick with me.

Whoa! Let's see what happens next.

Probably nothing.

Nature's boring!

Heh-heh, get him, Ouchie.

- [growling]

Ow! [babbles] - Oh, no!

One time, I got my tongue stuck in a trap like that.

If I ever find out who put that cheese on there...

Whoa!

Look out, Ouchie.

Look out, house!

Look out, world!

Look out!

Oh, that's it.

I guess we live in a duplex now.

- Hmm! - Heh! [blows raspberry]

- Rockets? Cool!

Boy, oh, boy!

Nature isn't boring. It's got chase scenes.

- All right, Patrick. Ready to host yet?

It's almost the top of the hour

and you still gotta plug the sponsors.

- [grunts]

I'm not plugging anything

except my mouth hole with ice cream.

- Fine! I guess I'll shoot some guest spots as filler.

Hey, mom. Do you have any enemies?

- Well, of course not dear.

I love everybody!

Huh? [yelps]

Oh, but this toaster is really starting to tick me off!

[grunting]

[toast boinging]

[grunting]

[humming]

[grumbles]

[shouts]

Hmm?

Oh, I see the problem now.

I forgot to plug it in.

[laughing]

- Thanks for displaying grace under pressure, Mom.

- Oh, I always have Grace on display.

No pressure needed.

[glass shatters]

[humming]

- Oh, no.

- I'm gonna get your ice cream.

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If this keeps up, I'm gonna lose my lunch.

Oh, boy! Lunchtime.

[shouts]

Aww...that was gonna to tide me over

till I got some ice cream!

[warbling wildly]

- [grunting]

- GrandPat? I'm doing a segment for Patrick's show.

Do you have any enemies?

- Enemies?

At my age, your only enemy is time.

That's why I get symbolic satisfaction

from smashin' clocks.

[cuckoo cooing]

Now, grab a hammer and laugh in Father Time's face with me!

[triumphant music]

[both cackling]

? ?

[both laughing]

- Mm-hmm! That'll learn 'em!

[alarm clock ringing]

- [pouts] - Aww.

What's the matter, son?

- That darn ice cream man won't give me any ice cream.

- Hmm.

Sounds like the non-dairy days of ice cream prohibition.

Dark times, they were.

[old-timey music]

The lactose intolerance movement

had just banned the sale of ice cream.

- [sneezes]

- With every ice cream parlor closed,

I started going to sweet-easies.

Oh!

? ?

[alarm blares, crowd shouts]

And if they caught you

with so much as a sample size scoop,

they threw you in the slammer

and only fed you prunes.

That's where I learned to like prunes.

- Uh... - [gulps]

Yep. In those days,

you had to know someone

who could get you the cold stuff on the sly.

- Hey, I know someones!

My sister!

- Wait! I meant, I have...

some...ice cream right here.

Oh, well.

Oh, prune-flavored!

- Huh? Patrick, what are you--

- Shush! It's coming!

- Ah. Well, hello, young lady.

Would you like some ice cream today?

- Two choco gonzo goobers. - Eh, what the bush said.

- Yep, that's an awful lot of ice cream

for such a little girl.

- Oh, they're not for me.

They're for my big brother. - [babbling]

- Big brother? Oh, no!

- [shouts]

Ice cream!

[both struggling]

Ice cream!

Ice cream! Ice cream!

Ice cream!

- My Goober Mobile.

Get back here!

- Mmm!

- I shouldn't have unplugged it!

[shouts]

- Laugh in Father Time's face, will ya?

[shouting and whooshing]

- Oh! Uh...that's our show.

I hope you learned a lot about enemies.

Or ice cream. Or toaster repair?

See you next time.

[wacky music]

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0