Original subtitles

You know, if more worlds were like this one,

we could probably open up a trans-dimensional travel agency,

and make a lot of money.

Yeah, mild weather, friendly people.

Any kind of food you want.

Snow on the mountains, and sun on the beach.

I think they call it California.

Not my California, but it's close.

Yeah, Diana says we're getting closer and closer

to your world with every slide.

You could stay here, you know.

I think the women here are about as fine as it gets.

We made a commitment.

We find your world, and then we take care of ourselves.

I appreciate that.

Yeah, I think it's genetic.

Do you know any men who obsessively try on shoes?

Well, there was this drummer in Portland.

How long have they been in there?

Well, this is the only time it matters.

Oh, man!

What is it?

I don't know. I've never seen it act like this before.

I thought we had another day here.

Me, too.

Maggie, Diana, we gotta go.

Wait. I thought we had another day.

We didn't even buy any shoes.

Yeah, around the corner and out of sight. Come on.

This thing is going nuts.

Is the power low?

I don't know, this is something new.

That's all we need.

It's not gonna drop us in the ocean again, is it?

Oh, God, I don't know.

Okay, here we go.

Whoa!

Are we unstuck?

The word I'd use is "stuck."

What if you found a portal to a parallel universe?

What if you could slide into a thousand different worlds

where it's the same year and you're the same person,

but everything else is different?

And what if you can't find your way home?

Sliders.

What made that thing start up again?

Oh, my God!

Have you ever had one like that before?

Was the timer working?

Well, it seems to be almost normal.

Okay, we've got a little over two days here.

Do we?

What if it starts jumping around again?

Well, I've been sliding for a long time

and I've never had one like that one.

And I don't want another one.

Be right back.

Okay, it's having trouble locking into the dimensional vibrations

of whatever world we land on.

Does that mean we're gonna be popping in and out like that without any control?

We never had much control, to tell you the truth.

So, then, what do we do?

Okay, look, I've gotta take this thing apart, and see what's what.

If I can't fix it with my PDL,

then I'm gonna need some equipment, maybe even a lab.

Looks like the world we just left.

Even the shoe store's still there.

Well, it's a different world.

Close, but different coordinates.

Let's go.

I can't believe Quinn didn't have some kind of backup system.

He may have.

But we'll never know now, will we?

Well, there may be another problem.

This one's not good enough for you?

This is not the original timer.

It's not the one that Quinn made.

Well, who did?

Well, we were in a world where the Egyptians still ruled.

Got stuck inside of this pyramid,

so we ended up with a timer

that the Egyptian scientists had made.

It always worked up until now.

I never thought to ask how.

Even if we find a lab, who's to say we'll have what the Egyptian scientists had?

Okay. Look, we have got two days to solve this problem.

Let's get to the hotel so I can get to work on this.

Look at that.

The timer's blown, we may not be able to fix it

and she still wants to shop.

Did you see that rock?

Thank you very much, sir.

Hi, we'd like a suite.

Reservations?

Uh, no, this is a spur of the moment kind of thing.

Not a good time to have a spur.

You're not here for the film festival?

No, no, a lot of important work to do.

Just a little peace and quiet.

Lots of luck with this crowd.

Oh, here's something. Quentin Tarantino just checked out.

You can have his suite, once we clear the wreckage.

Great.

If you have any valuables,

I'd advise you to put them in the digital safe in your room.

How does it work?

Each safe has a digital combination stored in the central computer.

Each time a guest checks in, the combination is changed in a random manner.

Fascinating. So what kind of security system do you have?

Each shift has a secret password.

I feel very safe now.

Wow! Who's that?

You're kidding! Monique Mansfield, Goddess of Sex.

You worship sex here?

All right!

The movie star. Queen of the festival.

Oh, we don't get a chance to see many movies.

Hmm.

Right here, please.

Huh, my, aren't you a hunky on a stick?

Huh, Marty, is this a punim or what?

So, you in town for the festival?

Sure.

Maybe I'll see you around.

Maybe.

Well, let's get on up to the suite.

And hose down Hunky.

Looks like Hunky's not the only one getting some attention.

Well, so far it's keeping regular time.

Maybe we just went through a bad wormhole, and the timer's okay.

Can't take the chance.

That thing's Egyptian. How are you going to understand how it works?

It shouldn't make a difference.

Well, why not?

It's a different language, a different culture, a different time.

Yeah, but not a different math.

Remember the numbers we use, the Arabs invented.

So far as I can tell from the slides I've made,

the big things are always the same.

Gravity, magnetism, electricity,

Earth revolves around the sun.

Nothing the Egyptians would have done

would have violated the rules we already know.

Well?

I have no idea.

Sure hope we're gonna like it here.

Wait a minute.

Remmy, Quinn and the Professor must have talked about this thing.

Do you remember anything of what they said?

Oh, geez. Never understood much of what they talked about.

I just accepted that they knew what they were doing.

Come on, Remmy, think.

Um...

Scarabs.

What?

There was a lot of discussion about scarabs.

We even ran into a giant mutant one in the pyramid.

Insects? We're gonna fix the timer with insects?

Scarabs were also jewels.

And jewels like any crystalline matter are three dimensional structures,

composed of atoms that repeat identical structures throughout the unit.

Which means?

Which means they vibrate,

sometimes at very high frequencies, almost as if they're alive.

Ah-ha.

Would you mind sharing that "ah-ha"?

Well, I'm getting a vibrational pattern in the crystalline range.

It's very weak, but it's definitely in that range.

This element is a direction finder.

It matches up dimensional vibrations.

Looks as if it's worn out or broken.

You know, this looks a lot like one of those Living Gems

I saw in the store downstairs.

Yeah, that movie star was wearing one.

Could one of those fix the timer?

Well, there's definitely one way to find out.

Good afternoon. Welcome to Atrobelies. How may I help you?

We're interested in the Living Gems of Chapare.

Oh, well, yes, they're just the latest things, aren't they?

Let's see what I could show you.

Mmm, we have some lovely new tennis bracelets.

Actually, can we see one of these solitaire rings?

Yes, of course.

They seem to be moving.

Oh, yes, that's why they're called the Living Gems.

They were discovered only a few years ago in the jungles of Bolivia.

An isolated valley in the rain shadow of the Andes.

And then Elizabeth Taylor bought one

and the rest is modern history.

Uh, may I?

Yes, of course.

Some people feel that they have magical qualities,

long life, wisdom, even healing powers.

Of course, magical qualities have been attributed to jewels

since the beginning of time.

But these... These may really have something.

Research is just underway, and already they've discovered amazing things.

For example, these larger stones are no longer rated in carats,

but on the Hertz system.

Hertz?

- A frequency measurement. - Mmm.

Mmm.

Whatever are you doing?

Oh, uh, this is just a densitometer.

Checking for authenticity.

I beg your pardon? This is Atrobelies.

No one questions our integrity.

Right, they are.

Well, they're real all right. Honey?

I just have to have one.

I don't know, sweetcakes. They look expensive.

Well, oh, but you're lucky. We're having a sale.

A limited time only, and only what we have in stock.

How much?

Only $9,000 a hertz.

$9,000?

Of course.

How many hertz do we need, sweetcakes?

Nine. Any more would be vulgar.

I'm afraid it's a little bit out of our league.

Do you have a brochure we might take?

Yes, of course.

There you go.

Thank you.

We'll be back.

I'll be looking forward to that.

If you ever call me sweetcakes again,

I will rip your heart out through your rib cage.

You're the one who started it.

Well, there's no way to know if it would've worked anyway.

Well, if they rate them in frequencies,

there's a pretty good chance.

But $81,000.

I guess there's only one thing to do.

Yeah.

What's that?

We're just gonna have to steal one.

We come in through the skylight.

You can lower me on a cable, like they did with Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible.

Lower me, less weight.

If they have lasers that could work.

But if they have heat sensors or pressure points on the floor...

Right. Wait, you guys, what about the safe?

They're not exactly gonna keep the gems in the cases all night.

Well, then I'm the one you have to lower.

I'll take my PDL.

If I can hear the tumblers, then I can crack it.

If it's an electronic lock, well...

Hello, are you in on this caper, or what?

Oh, sorry. I thought I was watching a movie.

Like Topkapi or The Hot Rock, or Sneakers.

I mean after all, there is a film festival going on here.

I loved Sneakers.

It didn't get good reviews, but I loved it.

You people are nuts. This is not a movie.

As strange as it is, this is our lives.

Look at you, you're talking about breaking and entering, burglary, grand larceny.

And the way I see it, we might as well forget about sliding.

Because jail time is gonna add up to a whole lot more than 29 years.

What do any of you know about knocking over a jewelry store?

Well, actually...

I don't want to hear it.

Okay, we need one of those jewels.

We can't buy one. We can't exactly borrow one.

So what do we do?

I've seen a lot of people around the hotel wearing them.

Yeah, in fact, one was around the neck of that movie star.

What are we talking about now? Assault and battery?

Wait a minute, you're the one who showed me

how to rip off my alternates with ATM cards.

He's got a point, Rem.

Yeah.

Yeah, hang on a second. He's here.

It's Mallory.

I... I could probably do that.

Suite 218?

Monique Mansfield.

- Goddess of Sex? - Yeah.

Says she wants to get to know me.

Wants me to get to know her.

I hate to intrude on this with a little reality,

but we have a serious problem here.

No, wait a minute. This is not a problem.

If Hunky over here can get close to the Goddess of Sex,

then he can get close to her Living Jewel.

You want me to steal her necklace?

If you're as good as you think you are,

she'll probably give it to you out of gratitude.

Well, I hate to admit it, but that might be away to do it.

Certainly a lot less risk than smash and grab at the store.

Okay.

All right, you check out Sex Goddess,

but you keep your head in the game.

Meanwhile, I'll check out the Living Gem specs

in case Hunky here comes up with one.

Why don't you and I see if there's a different market for these things.

Like a black market?

Well, I'd prefer beige.

Hmm.

Just a... Just a cup of tea.

Okay.

Planning a major investment?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you.

Uh, I'm not disturbed.

Good. Grant Curtis.

Diana Davis.

You here for the festival?

No, not really.

Would you care to sit down?

Thought you'd never ask.

Hi. Miss Mansfield called me.

Right.

Huh!

Well, now!

You do what you're told. I like that in a man.

We're going down to the pool for a photo op.

You will join us, won't you?

Well, I, um...

Normally I don't go down to the pool,

but my publicist thinks that, uh,

it will be good for the picture if I let the press take a few shots.

And I don't want the press to think Monique is here without a companion.

I... I don't have a bathing suit.

Anthony, get a suit for Monique's new Hunky.

Will you help me put on my sunscreen?

I have been looking forward to this for a long time.

Now, on the way, I want you to tell Monique all about you.

Just the good points. Things that will impress Monique

and make her want to do naughty things.

Let's go, darling. The cameras are waiting.

I saw you were reading up on the Living Gems

and wondered if you were planning to buy one.

Oh, no, I don't have that kind of money.

Well, maybe there's some lucky fellow somewhere who could be persuaded?

Um, there is no fellow, lucky or otherwise.

Really?

No. My friends and I were just passing through.

Um, my interest in the gems is more academic than practical.

You're an academic?

You can say that. I'm a physicist.

Well...

Beautiful and smart.

If you had a fellow, he would be lucky indeed.

You know, I could tell you all about the Living Gems.

Could you?

Sure. I sell them.

I've been to where they grow, to the Valley of the Chapare.

To the west, the cordillera of the Andes.

Oh, it's amazing. It looks like it goes right up to heaven.

Oh, look at the time. Uh...

Can we continue this over dinner, perhaps?

Um, I don't know...

You know these stones have almost magical properties.

As a scientist, I'm sure you'd find it most interesting.

Of course, if you have plans.

Good. Shall we say 8:00 here in the hotel restaurant?

Okay.

Ew. It's gotta be sexy.

Without being blatant.

Blatant.

It's gotta say, "I'm an adult, I'm on my own,

"I love a good time, and have a healthy attitude about sex."

But without saying, "Welcome aboard."

Exactly.

Hmm.

Ooh, too candid.

Thank you.

Oh.

What's wrong?

Maggie, I don't know if I can go through with this.

I mean, this strange guy just asks me out to dinner.

They're all strange until you get to know 'em.

And even then...

No, what I mean is, I've never done this before.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about eight years of six hours of studying every night.

No parties, no proms, no moonlight rides on Mulholland.

Well, it's high time, don't you think?

You don't understand. I don't know what to say or how to behave.

Diana, you don't have to say anything.

And you certainly do not have to behave.

Mallory has a shot with this actress.

And now you have a chance of getting close to a guy who sells these gems.

Hey, I really want you to have a good time.

But if it helps, just try to think of it as business.

Right. Right.

This fire escape doesn't go all the way up to her suite.

That ought to be against the law.

Like burglary?

How'd you get these floor plans anyway?

I told the desk clerk that I might shoot my next picture here.

He couldn't do enough for me.

Yeah, one afternoon with a Hollywood star and you're a producer?

She thinks so.

Yeah, she's an actress.

Hey, guys.

Did you get the radios?

Yeah.

Okay.

Great.

Now, Remmy, you're gonna be on the roof of the bank

across the street, watching the windows.

Mallory and I are gonna take the service stairs,

we're gonna wait for Diana to pop the locks.

We're actually gonna do this?

It's perfect.

Monique and her whole entourage

will be at the opening ceremonies until after 11:00.

She told me the insurance company won't let her wear the gem,

so it'll be in her suite.

I don't know.

Look, even if you get inside of there,

you're gonna have to open the safe.

Diana can handle that,

and the locks from the computer at the front desk.

Diana's got a date.

I promise you, she can handle it.

Wow.

Girl, you look...

Wow.

See what I mean? She can handle it.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's show time.

Right on.

Still seems to be working normally.

Okay, Mallory and I will take the service stairs

and we'll wait for you to trip the locks.

So how much time do you think you need?

I don't know.

All right, let's think.

You go down to the restaurant and wait for a table,

the waiter says his name is Kevin.

He gives you menus, you order wine.

Taste, toast. I say you'll be powdering your nose by 8:30.

- 8:30. Check. - Check.

Okay, so how do you open the door

and take down the safe combination?

The clerk said that you needed a password.

Well, their system is just like Windows 95.

I restart it, boot to the safe mode command prompt only,

delete the PWL files, restart it, and I'm in.

I had to ask.

Here goes nothing.

You look fantastic.

Thank you.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Do you know who that is?

Enjoy.

They are all so jealous of me right now.

Remmy, can you hear me?

Ow!

Yeah, loud and clear.

All right. It's just a few minutes till T-hour.

T-hour?

It's a Montrachet. It should be quite good.

To...

science.

Uh, what?

It's what you do, isn't it?

Oh, yes. To science.

Mmm.

Do you know much about wine?

Well, I know that Louis Pasteur

disproved the theory of spontaneous generation.

He showed that microorganisms can transfer and propagate in different media.

You're sure you're not just saying that?

And all that leads to fermentation, which leads to this.

I'm very impressed.

Sign of a misspent youth.

Too many classes, not enough glasses.

They were known to the Aymara Indians as long ago as the 17th century.

And they used them in religious rites, and healing ceremonies.

But it wasn't until a Spanish explorer named Enriquez

found the Valley of the Chapare five years ago,

that the outside world learned about the gems.

Wow, and from the looks of things, business has been good.

Mmm. Quite good.

Would you excuse me for a minute?

Of course.

Are you Mr. Calhoun?

Yes, ma'am.

Uh, the maitre d' asked me to tell you that he needs to see you in the kitchen.

He did?

He said it was urgent.

Um, I'll keep an eye on things here for you.

Thank you. I won't be a minute.

And neither will I.

She's done it.

It's after 8:30. You guys aren't in the closet yet?

What are you talking about? We've been in here for a couple of minutes.

Diana just cracked the safe.

Then there's somebody in the suite.

What?

Sorry. Wrong room.

Come on, Mallory.

There's somebody in there.

Rembrandt?

Hey, what happened?

Looks like we're not the only ones with this idea tonight.

Where's Mallory?

I thought he was right behind me.

Go after him!

Monique darling, is that you?

Yes, Nicki, you would not believe it.

No, no, no. Sandra is still wearing Bob Mackie.

Of course Arnold was there.

Yes, and Brad and Jennifer and...

And Melanie and Antonio.

Oh, and you'll never guess who Bruce Willis turned up with.

Just need to freshen up.

Yeah, uh, incredible.

Now, you know I'm not speaking to Nicole since that incident in Marbella.

Hello.

Remmy, it's me.

It's Fog Boy.

- Where's he been all night? - Where have you been all night?

It's a long story.

Yeah, well, tell it.

Tell what?

Before I could get out the window, the other burglar decked me.

Then when the cops came in, I had to hide in the bedroom,

pretend I was Monique's entertainment for the evening.

Whoa, back up. There were cops?

There were cops?

Yeah. You think they were on to us?

Uh, I don't know.

Well, where is he now?

Well, you see, after the cops left,

before I could get out of there,

Monique got back.

Naturally, she thought I was...

- He spent the night with Monique. - What?

It's not what you think.

- It's not what we think. - Whatever.

Uh, listen, you got to get on back here now.

We only got 24 hours left, and no jewel.

- That's a little tricky. - How's that?

Well, Monique has decided I'm part of her entourage now.

Doesn't want me out of her sight.

Monique wants him to stay.

Well, tell her you've got something to do.

- Tell her... - I heard.

You see, another part of her entourage are a couple of prize baby bulls

whose job it is to make sure that I don't get out of her sight.

- What? What? - Oh.

Well, you got to do what you got to do.

By the way, that guy Diana had a date with last night is a cop.

Where is she right now?

She's having breakfast with him.

What?

I'm really sorry about last night.

It was awful of me to just disappear like that.

Well, I got your note. "Urgent business."

I was only gone for a few minutes,

but when I got back, you were gone.

Well, I never interfere with "urgent business."

I guess I can't blame you for being upset.

Look, Diana, I haven't been completely honest with you.

I don't really sell Living Gems.

Really?

I'm in the business, but my job is to protect them.

I work for an insurance company.

We carry policies on most of the Living Gems on display at this festival.

Last night, there was an attempt on a collection here in the hotel.

Someone broke into the computer security system

and deleted all the safe combinations.

We had to reprogram the system with a new antihack shield.

How, uh... unfortunate.

I need your help, Diana.

As a matter of fact, your friends can help too.

My only other female agent is on assignment in New York.

A movie company is throwing a big party tonight. Would you go with me?

And wear the Star of La Paz?

He's not a cop. He's an insurance investigator.

And he wants me to wear the most precious Living Gem in the world,

tonight, at the party.

He's using you as bait to catch the thief.

I know.

Isn't it great?

Not really.

Don't you see? We've been racking our brains

trying to figure out a way to steal one of these things,

and this guy just wants to give us one.

He wants me to wear it tonight to the party.

Then I'll put it in the safe.

When the burglar comes, bam! The trap is shut.

Do I need to remind you that we are the burglar?

Not tonight. There's another one, remember?

All we have to do is hang on to the gem till the slide,

and make sure the cops catch the other burglar.

Oh, is that all?

The safe is this way.

Allow me.

We're in.

All done.

That gem had absolutely nothing to do with how beautiful you look.

Thank you.

- Shall we? - Yes.

I'm gonna go make a few phone calls.

You just hold this attitude till I get back.

I'll be right back.

This is Grant. I'm in position.

Yeah, we read you. So far nothing to report.

Keep an eye out.

Remmy, there he is.

Okay, listen, there's someone moving on the ledge.

Let's move.

He's in the suite.

That's not our suite.

Rembrandt, are you sure you saw the burglar come into this suite?

I told you that's not our suite.

I counted the windows wrong, so sue me.

I need you to come with me. We need to check the safe.

There's been a problem.

Rembrandt, I'm in the suite.

Diana's opening the safe right now.

Grant!

Grab this.

We've got it! We've got it! Check the adjacent suite.

Hello, Miss Mansfield.

The burglar went in the adjacent suite,

cracked a hole in the wall and went in the back of your safe.

It's pretty clever. That's the weakest part.

Yeah, Diana's timing is the strongest part.

Well, it's a shame we didn't recover the Star of La Paz.

There's a $100,000 reward and you people surely deserve it.

Well, it's funny, we suspected Monique Mansfield ever since the Cannes Festival.

There were two Living Gems thefts there

and then two more at the Venice Festival.

Yeah, but what I don't understand

is why would a rich movie star need to steal jewelry?

Yeah, and why would they want to break into their own suite?

Well, probably part of an insurance scam.

He'd steal his own gem and then file a big claim with my company.

I mean, as you may have noticed, Monique has quite a large overhead and...

well, his career hadn't been going so well lately.

Did he say "he" and "his"?

You didn't know?

Monique Mansfield is the most successful

cross-dressing performer in the world.

Where has he been?

That's what I'd like to know.

Anyway, I think people are starting to get tired of his act.

That's probably why he turned to burglary.

That explains the punch.

In all the confusion, I almost forgot where I put it.

I was afraid the thief might get away,

so I put it in my coat pocket.

I hope you'll be staying in town long enough for me to buy you another dinner.

After we get the reward.

Of course. I'll have a check cut at once.

You know, instead, I think I might like

one of those Living Gems for my very own.

One worth about 100,000.

You think you could arrange that?

It's unusual, but, sure, why not.

You cracked the case.

I swear to God, we just talked about movies.

Okay. That should do it.

Great. How much time to the slide?

Oh, oh, about 20 seconds.

Oh.

This thing was giving us the wrong reading.

I'm glad we put the new gem in place in time.

You know, I'm just glad that we could relax

and spend some quality time with new friends.

Well, I'm never going to see that man again.

Yeah, and poor Mallory, he's never gonna see his man again either.