Original subtitles

Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

Darn! I can never shoot that light out before it goes on.

Speed, I need more speed.

All right, slimebucket, you got me this time, but...

No wonder my coffee's been tasting like mud lately.

Where's my landlady? Probably out raising rents.

Excuse me. Could you help me?

This door's stuck.

Bad plumbing, stuck doors -

it's like living in a roach moteI. Come on.

That should do it.

I'm Inspector Hammer. I'm a cop.

Thanks... I think.

I guess you lost your key, right?

I don't have a key.

What, you always break into your apartment?

This isn't my place.

Kim?

You're under arrest for breaking and entering.

- I didn't break in, you did. - Then you're under arrest for entering.

I'm Sally Vincent. My cousin moved in here two months ago,

but I haven't heard from her and I'm worried.

She probably went out for lunch and the landlady rented her apartment.

I'm really worried about Kim. She insisted on moving in here.

Wanted to see if she could be a modeI.

What agency did she work for?

The ContinentaI ModeI Agency. I just came from there.

They said she did work for them three weeks ago,

but they haven't heard from her since.

This is a picture of her.

I don't know what to do.

If you're a policeman, I need help.

Well, you know what they say -

we protect and serve.

And cuddle.

- Looking for birthmarks, Sherlock? - No, I'm on a case here.

I thought the girI's picture might be in this magazine.

Those centrefold ladies have as much on their bodies as on their minds.

Yes.

I went through the microfilm of newspapers for the last few months and found this.

There is a ContinentaI Agency and it seems to check out OK.

Hammer, a body's been found

at 625 Stamford Street, apartment 15.

- Why's that address sound familiar? - You live there.

- I live there. - I just said that.

- You just said that. - Get outta here.

- The guy must've been a maniac. - Yeah.

Shot the door to pieces just to get inside.

Yeah, forget about that. Where is she?

Oh, she left about... oh, 20 minutes ago.

You're telling me a dead body walked outta here?

I didn't say it was a dead body. They took her to the hospitaI.

- Oh! - Name's Sally Vincent.

- I know. - Age 22, lives in Nebraska.

Looked like a drug overdose.

Oh, drug overdose! She was squeaky clean.

What a tragedy. I do hope the poor girI will be all right.

What's happened to my door?

Uh... termites. So you can forget the rent increase.

That reminds me, Mr Hammer, your rent's past due.

So is the plumber. So, when he shows, I pay.

Sure, I sit with no money

while you run around chasing dead bodies.

Look, I'm gonna go check on a modeI agency.

When I get back, if the plumber hasn't showed,

I am personally gonna turn him into toxic waste. You got it?

What a chump.

Yes, honey. Oh, that's so good.

OK.

Oh, marvellous!

Yes, that's it. OK, a little more this way.

Good. Marvellous.

OK, one more there. Ah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I like it.

Butch.

Thank you.

All right, Butch, you ready for the snow job?

OK, let the snow go.

OK, Cindy, let's do it.

Oh, yes. More snow, Butchy.

Oh, that's it, Cindy. Round this way.

Good girI, good. Lose the muffs.

There we go. Oh, that's it!

More snow, Butch. Oh, that's marvellous.

They'll love this in Boston.

Oh! Oh! Oh, my God!

Who and what are you, you clumsy buffoon?

You're disrupting a Don Merrill shoot.

I'm Inspector Sledge Hammer. I came to ask you...

Bad, bad, bad. Can't you see we're being creative here?

Listen, shutterbrain, I ask, you talk. You got it?

Well, you'll just have to come back later. I am on a horrible deadline.

Try it again, Cindy.

Let's take this off. Here, that's fine.

OK, lose the muffs.

Ooh!

Oh!

Oh! You have destroyed my entire icy white set.

You are a clumsy buffoon.

Listen, tiptoes, men don't wear earrings.

Women wear earrings, men wear tattoos.

Oh? I've got one of those too.

I'll bet you've worn out every psychiatrist's couch in town.

Oh, just shut up, you...

Oh, don't cop me, you, you, you...

you, you...

Oh!

I'm Jessica Hayden and I own this studio.

Now... what's going on here?

I'm Inspector Hammer.

I'm looking for information about Kim Field.

I see. Why don't we talk in my office?

I'm a little behind,

so I have to check out Christy's outfits while we chat.

Um... try it without the robe, darling.

Yes?

I understand Kim Field was with your agency.

Just for a short time.

She was too inexperienced for big-time modelling.

Her cousin came in looking for her, but we had no information.

Um, let's try it with just the teddy.

Did you know Kim's cousin was in the hospitaI, unconscious?

- Did you know that? - Oh, how dreadfuI.

- I hope she'll be all right. - Do you remember anything?

Did Kim mention relatives or contacts or kneecaps or anything?

Let's try something completely different.

I'm sorry, Inspector, I wish I could help you.

Oh, baloney!

The only thing you wish was that you were queen of the forest.

Inspector, I have a business to run.

Yeah, and I got a case to crack.

Inspector, our girls do not accept home phone numbers.

It's not a phone number. It's a citation for indecent exposure.

That girI only has something on

when she's got a coat on her tongue.

Sss!

You idiot! The girI's still alive! You were meant to stop her going to the authorities.

I told you, I'm a photographer, not a killer.

Besides, she never saw me.

I forced pills down her throat and ran.

Believe me, we're safe.

Maybe.

- Who you calling? - The police.

If I complain about that clown Hammer ruining our shoot,

then maybe it'll get him off of our backs.

OK, Hammer, you're off the Kim Field case. It's closed.

Captain, let me go back to that modeI agency. Something is fishy.

Go back? Why? Is there something you forgot to destroy?

Jessica Hayden called me. She's mad as hell.

Captain, trust him. He knows what he's doing.

Did I say that?

It's a gut instinct.

Your gut instincts almost get me fired once a week.

It's instincts that make good cops,

not silly rules against choke holds.

Hey, sometimes criminals ask me for choke holds.

Captain, someone has to go to the agency.

- It's our only link to the Field girI. - All right. Good idea.

Hammer, go and apologise, or you'll be pounding the beat on Skid Row,

picking up wine bottles.

Great! Sally Vincent's in the hospitaI, her cousin's missing

and we're standing around like Mario Cowomo.

Cuomo.

Poor kids don't even have next of kin to take care of 'em.

You're a fellow woman, Doreau, think of something.

That's your full name - Michelle Bougette?

- Right. - A-ha.

And you have no close relatives?

Uh, no, um, unfortunately.

Papa died water-skiing and... Mama died scuba-diving.

You don't mind travelling overseas on assignments?

Oh, no. I love ocean traveI.

Good. I think you'll make an excellent modeI.

If you'll just sign our standard agency contract...

OK.

Don't forget your telephone number.

Welcome to ContinentaI Models and a bright new future.

Thank you very much, Miss Hayden.

Well, bye.

- What do you think? - She's perfect.

She'll make our clients very happy.

- Majoy, have you seen Doreau? - Not yet.

That's the trouble with girls - they're always primping.

Hammer, over here.

You apologise yet?

Sir, reaI men don't apologise. Frankly, I'd rather be shot.

Don't give me those kind of options.

Apologise. That's an order.

- Oh, come on. - Apologise.

OK, girls, let's try it from the top.

Heads up, chests out,

swing those...

Darling, don't look down at your feet.

Look... just watch me, OK?

Smooth... provocative... alluring.

Got it?

OK, let's see Brandy do that.

Go ahead.

Oh!

I'm not used to these shoes, Miss Hayden.

They feeI like cowboy boots with nine-inch heels.

High heels make your legs look very sexy.

Let's just see you walk again, Brandy, OK?

No, Brandy, you've got to try a little harder.

Project your sensuality.

Are we doing a fashion show or a beauty contest?

Are you questioning my methods?

Uh... no.

I was just wondering if we were selling the clothes or us.

Why don't you let me worry about that?

O... K.

Let's take a break, OK? Take a break now. Go on, go.

Thank you for helping me out back there.

I need this job reaI bad. Guess I'm just trying too hard.

Oh, that's OK.

What part of Texas are you from?

I'm from this little bitty town 50 miles outside of Dallas.

- Oh, yeah. Got family there? - No, afraid not.

I'm the end of the line.

Yeah, me too.

You know, all the girls here are from out of town.

Yeah.

It seems none of these girls have any family.

Michelle... you were very disruptive during class.

Now, I'm warning you, toe the mark or else.

I thought men weren't allowed in here.

There are no men in here.

Jessica, that crazy policeman's here - you know, the one with that horrible tie.

I'm gonna deaI with you later.

Oh, honey, let me help you with that.

So, Fawn Hall turned you down, right?

What is it, Inspector? I'm very busy.

All right, look, I got something I gotta say to you.

OK, um...

I... I didn't mean... to disrupt your, um, studio... yesterday.

There, I said it.

That's an apology?

It's as close as I get. I'm a cop.

Yes.

Hey, what's this doing here?

That's my partner, Doreau.

Partner? No, I don't think so. That's Michelle.

Michelle?

Merrill, would you bring in Michelle, please?

Yeah, she's new. She said she just got in town from Canada.

This is my partner, Dori Doreau.

I remember that birthmark on her thigh

from a stakeout we were on in a massage parlour.

That was a...

- You wanted to see Michelle. - There she is right now.

Hey, Dori, what are you doing here? You're out of uniform.

You must have me mixed up with somebody else.

Come on, Doreau, what...?

Oooohhh!

Oh!

Oh, no! Oh, boy!

Oh-ho! Oh, I didn't...

Oh, oh! I, oh!

Oh, boy!

Oh, oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha! I don't know where my head is at.

My eyes aren't seeing what they think they are.

Probably from mixing too many colours.

That's probably it. She doesn't look anything like my partner.

No, my partner is uglier and much thicker of limb,

fatter of the... and she has a big...

No, what I'm saying, you're much prettier than my partner.

I really do have to go.

You know how the streets are with crime, crime everywhere.

They must be using cops for brain transplants.

Yeah.

Michelle, do you have any idea why he called you Doreau?

Uh, no. The guy's cracked.

I've never seen him before in my life.

I hope we understand each other.

You're here to modeI and that's it, right?

- Right. - Good.

Well, you just run back to the show

because we don't have a lot of time.

OK, bye.

I don't think she's kosher.

What difference does it make?

She'll be a thousand miles away after the show and it's all legaI.

You may think it's that easy but I'm not so sure.

Mellow out. This is our last show in this town

and then I'm moving the operation to New York.

Why don't you just go powder your nose

and get ready for the show, OK?

Go on.

Miss Davis, what happened to the plumber?

- What is it? - Did the plumber show up?

I gotta have a gondola to walk to the bathroom.

I don't understand.

I thought I saw a plumber here the other day.

He left right before I found that poor girI's body.

Yeah, well, let me tell you something, Miss Davis.

He didn't do a very good job, OK?

I knew he was a lousy plumber

when I saw his lily-white hands and his earring.

Plumbers in earrings? What's next - Teamsters in pantyhose?

You'd think on his earring it would be a pipe or a wrench,

but it was a tiny camera.

- Ah! - A camera?

This is our beautifuI Christy,

modelling an exquisite ensemble by Lupe of Paris.

Notice how her blonde hair falls on her white shoulder pads

and highlights her pure silk body.

Perfect. 10,000.

I'm sure Your Highness meant 10,000 to start, correct?

Jessica, you always were a hard bargainer.

20,000.

Remember, you do pay for what you get.

- She will be a wife. - And now, presenting Brandy.

All naughty and dressed in pink.

25,000.

She will be a mistress.

And now, last but not least,

Michelle, feisty and full of fire.

50,000.

She will be a wife and mistress.

That's it, girls, thank you. Thank you very much,

And thank you, Your Highness, I'm glad you're pleased.

Ah, Jessica, you have outdone yourself.

My private jet is waiting. We leave within the hour.

The girls will be ready.

Did we get the job, Miss Hayden?

I should say so!

He's hiring all of you.

What agency did you say we were working for?

I didn't, but believe me, it's one of the biggest in the world.

Isn't this exciting? Our first big modelling job!

OK, girls, time to celebrate.

Merrill, the champagne.

This kinda tastes funny. Yeah, it tastes really funny.

Don't worry about it. Come on, let's drink up.

Captain? Doreau. I'm at the modeI agency.

- It's a white slavery ring. I need help. - Shame on you.

You're missing the party, Michelle.

You forgot your drink.

Drink!

Ah!

Your white slavery ring is over.

- No. - Yes. Detective Doreau, police.

So, Merrill was right. You are a police officer.

That's right, and you're under arrest.

Oh, really?

Get her, she's a cop.

Sledge!

Just like in the movies.

Handsome leading man saves fraiI, helpless girI.

Hey, I wore that tie to the prom, mammaI face.

Oh, my God! Oh-oh-oh!

Oh! Oh!

Wait, there's something on your sword.

Oh!

Oh!

- Freeze. - Oh!

All right, that's it, Hammer, we'll take it from here.

All right, round them up.

You took an awfuI chance, Doreau.

I know.

- But good job. - Thank you.

Yeah, but what I wanna know is,

where do you wear a gun with an outfit like that?

Good. Thank you.

Good news. Sally's gonna make a full recovery.

- What about her cousin? - Kim's flying back tomorrow.

We have the names of all the girls sold into slavery.

Is everyone co-operating?

- All except one group. - Who's that?

The girls in Vegas are having fun, they don't wanna come back.

You don't have to wear clothes in Vegas

and they say, "Put your money in this box",

and you put it in and don't get it back and they love it.

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