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1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:02,877
♪ Beans don't burn
in the kitchen ♪
2
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:04,129
Whoo!
3
00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:06,965
♪ Fish don't burn on the grill ♪
4
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:10,093
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪
5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,471
Yeah, just to get off that..
Whoo!
6
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,266
♪ But now
I'm up in the big league ♪
7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:19,978
♪ Get my turn at base.. ♪♪
8
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,689
♪ Me and you baby ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪♪
9
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:26,651
- Hello, Mrs. Pay--
- Whoo! Whoo!
10
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,029
Announce yourself
when you come in here.
11
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,780
Hell, I was about to
go in my purse..
12
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,157
[imitates gunshot]
13
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,202
- Whoo!
- Well, I'm sorry, okay?
14
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,830
Alright, mama ain't
with all that kissin' now.
15
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,416
Go about your business. Whoo!
16
00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:43,251
So, what are you
up to, Mrs. Payne?
17
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,462
I'm cookin', but I guess
18
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,173
you wouldn't know
nothin' about that
19
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:52,052
Ms. Modern-Business-Woman.
20
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,179
I can cook, Mrs. Payne,
I just, you know
21
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,722
I just don't always
have the time.
22
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:59,267
So that's why I bought Martin
these frozen dinners.
23
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,977
Microwave dinners!
24
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:04,481
Girl, don't you know all them
waves cause terminal illness.
25
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:07,859
Hell, want to shave
the boy's head, right now?
26
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,402
[mumbles]
27
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:15,992
Mrs. Payne, look, Martin
understands that I'm busy, okay?
28
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,869
[sighs]
And besides, he likes those.
29
00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:20,413
Oh, that's because
you're distracting the boy
30
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,166
with all them little naked
dresses you wearin' around him.
31
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:27,295
Got him lookin' every which
a way, but down at his plate.
32
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,255
You workin' that..
33
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,716
...whip appeal on him, girl.
34
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:36,429
Mrs. Payne, what can I do
to help us all get along?
35
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,935
Girl, first, you can watch
your damn attitude with mama.
36
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,479
That's what you can do.
'Cause I'm..
37
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:54,114
Second, you can learn how
to make my baby better food.
38
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,532
Third..
39
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:59,285
Loan mama $60.
40
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,788
- Oh, you need $60?
- Just $60.
41
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:06,084
That's fine, I can help out,
no problem.
42
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,794
See, right here, it's my last.
43
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:10,463
- But, hey. There you go.
- Ooh! Goodness.
44
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,257
They nice and crisp, too.
Ooh!
45
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,842
[chuckles]
46
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,469
You ain't selling nothing
on the side, are you?
47
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,931
This ain't no trickin' money,
is it, I want no trickin' money.
48
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,391
No!
49
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,185
Alright, well, you know,
mama don't know.
50
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,896
I don't see you half the nights.
I don't know.
51
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:31,693
Ooh, well look, I got to get
ready to get out of here.
52
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:35,488
Girl, you got my sugar all up.
You know, I'm on insulin, right?
53
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:38,783
And look, I'll get this back
to you as soon as possible.
54
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,119
Alright? Okay.
55
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:42,871
Ooh!
56
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:46,833
Hey, get your lazy butt up
and get in the kitchen, girl.
57
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,210
And learn how to make
some real food.
58
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,795
Your microwave ain't half a..
59
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,798
[theme song]
60
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,970
♪ Martin ♪
61
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,014
♪ Martin ♪
62
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:04,017
♪ Martin Lawrence yeah ♪
63
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,185
How y'all doin'?
64
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,145
♪ Martin ♪
65
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,272
♪ Martin ♪
66
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,317
♪ Martin Lawrence yeah ♪
67
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,194
He's so crazy!
68
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,912
♪ Martin ♪
69
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,915
♪ Martin Lawrence yeah ♪
70
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:27,999
How y'all doin'?
71
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,001
♪ Martin ♪
72
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,128
♪ Martin ♪
73
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:35,340
♪ Martin Lawrence ♪♪
74
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,220
[instrumental music]
75
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:45,183
Come on, baby, we're going
to be late for church.
76
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:49,938
Badass!
77
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,940
Ooh!
78
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,025
Doin' the Joseph Jefferson, boy.
79
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,193
Alright.
80
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,195
Am I lookin' good for the Lord?
81
00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:58,697
- 'Oh, yeah.'
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
82
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,534
And Cole's looking all good
for the girls up in the choir.
83
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:06,162
- Oh...got the..
- Oh. Ah-hah!
84
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:09,499
We going to my church, right?
'Cause Dr. Dawson can preach.
85
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,710
No, no, Tommy, it is
too hot in your church.
86
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,587
Only thing I'll be praying for
is air conditioning, no.
87
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,089
Hey, you guys,
let's go to my church.
88
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,258
They serve really good
chicken dinners afterwards.
89
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,300
- Okay.
- So, okay.
90
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,094
They serve a little too much.
91
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,512
Those girls at your church are
92
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,764
a little too heavy,
even for me, Pam.
93
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,391
Yeah, that's true, Pam,
they need
94
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,726
to take in
a little less communion
95
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,936
and a little more Dick Gregory,
just a sip.
96
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,479
[laughing]
That's it.
97
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,898
Does it really matter
what church we go to, guys?
98
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,567
Yes, it matters a lot.
99
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,903
You see, there are some churches
that are there to serve God
100
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,323
and there's other churches
are there to serve themselves.
101
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:43,950
- How Tommy?
- Alright.
102
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,618
You say in Ebenezer, right?
103
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,496
They got the love offering,
the joy offering
104
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,790
the peace offering,
but never than often
105
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,083
the pastor..
106
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:56,379
♪ Need-a-new-pair-of-
shoes-offerring yeah ♪♪
107
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,174
- Hey! Hey!
- Uh..
108
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:03,011
Stop it!
Stop it, stop it Martin!
109
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,846
- You're going to be--
- I felt somethin'.
110
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,223
- 'Don't play with God.'
- I felt somethin'.
111
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,976
Hey, hey, that reminds me, Pam,
when the plate comes around
112
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,394
could you cover for me, please?
113
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,605
What, Gina, didn't you go
to ATM last night?
114
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,483
Yes, girl, but I loaned my money
to Martin's mother.
115
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,902
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gina.
116
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,445
What are you doing
giving my mother money.
117
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,821
Y'all don't even
like each other.
118
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:25,658
I know, but what was
I supposed to do? She asked me.
119
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,453
Speaking of which, I didn't
really want to say anything
120
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,081
but, um, your moms,
she bummed 20 bucks
121
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,707
from my moms a few days ago.
122
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,751
- Oh.
- Get outta here, what?
123
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,253
And moms is mad about that,
'cause she still can't get
124
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,047
a wig of layaway.
125
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,548
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
126
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,217
Do you mean to tell me that
my mother is borrowin'
127
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,552
all this money from all y'all,
why didn't you tell me?
128
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,179
Because we didn't want you
to get upset, Martin.
129
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,139
Look, that's why I didn't tell
you when I started pushing
130
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,558
that, that shopping cart,
full of empty bottles and cans
131
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,143
down Main Street.
132
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,605
Yo, not my moms, hell no.
I got to find out what's up.
133
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,107
Maybe we should go see
your mother after church.
134
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,109
No, we'll go see her,
now, she joined
135
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,443
some new church on Third.
136
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,112
- Yo, let's be out.
- Alright.
137
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,031
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I heard
about that new church on Third.
138
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,784
Yeah, they'd be doing so much
jumpin' and howlin' up in there.
139
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,452
You think
your prayers is right.
140
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,497
Cole Brown, come on down!
Come on down!
141
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,125
Forgive him, Father,
for he knows not what he's..
142
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,127
[instrumental music]
143
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,839
Well, I don't see your mother
in here anywhere, babe.
144
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,841
That's because my mother
is smart, Gina.
145
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:25,760
She likes to wait till after
they pass the collection plate.
146
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:31,641
How are you doing, bro?
Already gave at the door, man.
147
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:35,145
Put the money in.
What's wrong with you? Go ahead.
148
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,148
- Gina.
- What?
149
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,691
[clears throat]
150
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,485
Alright, man, go on
about your business now.
151
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,197
- Hey, Tommy.
- What?
152
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,533
You got change for a dollar?
153
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,202
Will you stop being cheap
and put it all in there?
154
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,328
Go ahead, Cole.
155
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,414
[piano music]
156
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,875
♪ I got a feelin' ♪
157
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,210
♪ Everythin' gonna be alright ♪
158
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,420
♪ Oh wo wo ♪
159
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,964
♪ I got a feelin' ♪
160
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:06,217
♪ Everythin' gonna be alright ♪
161
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,427
♪ I-ah! ♪
162
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,304
♪ I got a feelin' ♪
163
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,723
♪ Everythin' gonna be alright ♪
164
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,601
♪ Be alright be alright ♪
165
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,977
♪ Oh be alright ♪
166
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,688
♪ Here we go! ♪
167
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,316
♪ The Ghost told me ♪
168
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,860
♪ Everythin' gonna be alright ♪
169
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:27,364
♪ Oh the Holy Ghost
whispered and told me ♪
170
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,575
♪ Everythin' gonna be alright ♪
171
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,495
♪ The Holy Ghost told me ♪
172
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,331
♪ Everythin' gonna be alright ♪
173
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,749
♪ Be alright ♪
174
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,877
♪ Be alright ♪
175
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:45,256
♪ Well alright alright ♪
176
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,299
♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
177
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,259
[cheering]
178
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,930
Hey, Gina, remember my cousin?
Reverend Leon Lonnie Love?
179
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,808
How can I forget
Reverend Leon Lonnie Lust?
180
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,852
What is he doing here?
Oh, hell, no!
181
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,814
Oh, I am sorry, Lord.
But you know he ain't right.
182
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,274
Martin, we've got to tell
your mother about this.
183
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,401
Yes!
184
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,820
Shh, you're in church.
185
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,863
Shh, you're in church.
186
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:12,951
Don't start nothin'
and it won't be nothin'.
187
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,620
You can't fight a old lady in
church, what's wrong with you?
188
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:16,955
What'd you mean, baby,
she's startin' with me.
189
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,915
If she keep it up,
I'mma take it outside.
190
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,128
- Good morning, congregation.
- 'Good mornin'.
191
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,798
I am the
Reverend Leon Lonnie Love.
192
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,300
- Can I get a Amen?
- Amen!
193
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,802
I believe you heard me,
I said..
194
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,430
- Can I get a Amen?
- Amen!
195
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,515
Well, Amen back at ya.
196
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:40,311
Now a moment of silence for
the shut-ins and the inferns.
197
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,314
[piano music]
198
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,860
What are you doing?
199
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:51,322
Excuse me, sister,
but I don't mean to be rude
200
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,743
but can you take that
fruit basket off your head?
201
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,746
So I can see what's going on.
202
00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,457
If I have to turn around
one more time
203
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,792
it's going to be me and you!
204
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,669
Well, then make your move.
205
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,673
Now first, I'd like to
start this morning
206
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,092
with a few announcements.
207
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:16,014
There will be a "Singles only"
retreat this weekend.
208
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,350
But due to that
60-minutes piece
209
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:22,979
there ain't gonna be no
layin' on the hands this year.
210
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:26,733
Oh, and whoever parked
the lowered blue pacer
211
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,569
in my parkin' space,
I regret to inform you
212
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,113
'but The Lord hath towed you.'
213
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,788
[speaking indistinctly]
214
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,583
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
215
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:44,668
Hallelujah!
216
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:45,710
Hallelujah!
217
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,880
[indistinct shouting]
218
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,470
- Hallelujah!
- Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!
219
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,389
Hallelujah.
220
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,851
Well, I surely hope that what
I'm seein' is y'all bringin'
221
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,062
somebody's holy spirit up
in here outta his bones.
222
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,313
(Tommy)
'Hallelujah.'
223
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,606
'Cause I told you I don't want
224
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:09,234
no banging up
in here now, don't I?
225
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,652
Now..
226
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,782
Before I get to my sermon
227
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,242
I understand that there's some
228
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,661
people out there
who need my services.
229
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:20,954
(all)
Yes, Father.
230
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,789
Are there any people
out there who are weak?
231
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,040
(all)
Yes!
232
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,126
Any people out there
who are weary?
233
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:29,587
Any people out there
who are tired? Right?
234
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,840
Any people out there
who just need a healin'?
235
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,174
(all)
Yes!
236
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,385
- Y'all got cash.
- Yeah!
237
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,345
Well, then come on down.
238
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,015
[piano music]
239
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,767
Now, brother, just what
seems to be your affliction?
240
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,352
I have constant pain in my back.
241
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,521
I've been to the doctors
and they can't do anything.
242
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,773
Y'all hear that,
the man got constipation
243
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,650
all up in his patellas,
go on, show the people
244
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,610
the look, man.
Man can't walk.
245
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,446
How much the hospital
gonna charge you to fix that?
246
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,406
- About a thousand dollars.
- A thousand dollars.
247
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:59,200
I can heal you for $250.
248
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,369
[piano music]
249
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:05,040
- Babe, the man is a fraud.
- No, I swear.
250
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,374
You know what,
this ain't my mother's church.
251
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,126
It can't be my mom's church,
I'm out, I'm out.
252
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,086
- Fine, I'm with you.
- Well, y'all sinners can leave.
253
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,172
I paid my cover charge,
I'm staying.
254
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,256
I am stayin', too.
255
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,925
Now, sister,
just what afflicts you?
256
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:21,473
Well, I got arthritis, bursitis,
and a malignant mole.
257
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:26,019
Well, now I don't think I can do
much about this malignant mole.
258
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,813
Lemme see what we can do
about this bursitis.
259
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,107
Close your eyes in prayer
and release it.
260
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,776
- No!
- Sister, I said, release it!
261
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,320
[speaking indistinctly]
262
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,489
Reverend Love!
263
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:41,034
Reverend Love.. I need healin'.
264
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:45,497
Sister Edna.
You got you another affliction?
265
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:46,998
Yes, Reverend, yes, Reverend.
266
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,625
I got the money
right here, Reverend.
267
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:52,045
Well, you stay, right
where you are, Sister Edna.
268
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,131
I'm about to give you
a long distance healing.
269
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,634
- Bring it on, Reverend!
- Watch out now.
270
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,886
- 'Ooh!'
- It's comin' at your underarm.
271
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,471
- Oh!
- Whoo!
272
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:04,474
[screeching]
273
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:30,208
Ooh! I'm cured Reverend!
I am cured.
274
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,628
Oh, please, now look,
Sister Edna got cured, y'all.
275
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,422
- Ooh!
- Alright.
276
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,383
♪ I got a feelin'
everythin' gonna be alright ♪
277
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,344
♪ I got a feelin'
everythin' gonna be alright ♪♪
278
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,804
Bring it down..
279
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:47,017
[instrumental music]
280
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,560
- So it was crazy man.
- Uh-ah.
281
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,187
So, Tommy and Pam told me
after I left the church
282
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,231
that mother came
flipping down the aisle
283
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,400
thinking
she's been cured, alright?
284
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,445
Giving away all her money
to this fake Reverend.
285
00:12:58,528 --> 00:12:59,821
And then I talked to my moms
286
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,032
she told me she gave him over
$5000, man.
287
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:05,410
- $5000?
- 'Yes!'
288
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,911
That's terrible.
289
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,998
Oh-uh-oh.
290
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,085
And it's all tax free, huh?
291
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,796
Stan, alright,
don't even go there.
292
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,591
I know what you thinkin', don't
go there messing with God, Stan.
293
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,677
Martin's right,
he'll get you in the next life.
294
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,179
I know, 'cause right now
295
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:27,098
I'm paying for what I did
in my previous life.
296
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,851
Hey, did you know
I was once a sausage maker.
297
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,566
Yeah.
298
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,444
I killed a lot of pigs
in my time, Martin.
299
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:42,197
I guess that's why
I got to work for one now.
300
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,037
Watch it, Shawn, okay?
301
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,247
Cause this little piggy
is packin'.
302
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:57,295
And I'll huff and I'll puff
and I'll blow your head off.
303
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,465
Come on, come on, come on now.
304
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,301
Come on, y'all, this is serious,
man, alright?
305
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,095
My mother's getting taken
to the bank
306
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,554
and I can't do nothing about it.
307
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,641
Hey, Martin, why don't you
expose this man
308
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,184
for the fraud that he is?
309
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,353
I know that, Stan,
but it ain't that easy, man.
310
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:17,440
"Ain't that easy,"
tell that to Marion Barry.
311
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:21,152
Oh, I see where
you gettin' at, yeah.
312
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,113
Oh, set him up on video tape.
313
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,989
Okay, I can do that.
314
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,325
You know what? This is wild man.
315
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,160
First, the brother
tries to get with my woman
316
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,371
and you know,
I ain't having that, right?
317
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,123
Now, he's taking my moms
to the bank.
318
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:35,375
Oh, hell no,
I'm out, peace, okay?
319
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:39,295
Hey, hey, make it work,
make it work, man, get him.
320
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,505
Get him!
321
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,134
$5000.
322
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:47,303
And it's all tax free.
323
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,431
I'm in the wrong business.
324
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,433
[upbeat music]
325
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,311
Alright babe, look.
326
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,022
Now, you sure
he's going to be here?
327
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,732
Yeah, Martin, I told him
that I wanted to make
328
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,901
a big contribution to the church
and he said, he'd be right over.
329
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,862
But, baby, I got to
tell you something.
330
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,572
I feel really
uncomfortable about
331
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,198
setting up a man of the cloth.
332
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,201
Babe, the man is fraudin'
in the name of the Lord, Gina.
333
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,328
The church is the backbone
of the community, babe.
334
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:15,707
Alright, it's frauds like him
that give religion a bad name.
335
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:18,418
I guess, you're right.
Okay, what do you want me to do?
336
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,087
Alright, babe, now look,
I want you to get him to admit
337
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,048
that he's hustling
the church members.
338
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,967
Okay, and uh-uh, look,
while I get it on tape
339
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,511
that's why I set
the camera up over here.
340
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,806
But you got to remember to keep
him in this space right here.
341
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,183
It got to be all up in here.
342
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,435
You got to make sure
it's on camera, okay?
343
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,979
- Right, Martin, one thing.
- What?
344
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,731
Why should he tell me anything?
345
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,525
Because, Gina,
you're going to flirt with him.
346
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,320
You're going to get him
to trust you, like you did me.
347
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,906
You know, start giving him
that look.
348
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,532
What look, Martin?
I don't have a look.
349
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,743
Yes, you do the look,
you do..
350
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,917
- I do not do that.
- Yes, you do, babe, alright?
351
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,669
And when you finish,
lick your lips.
352
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,420
What's that supposed to do?
353
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,756
I don't know, but your lips
kinda crusty right now.
354
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:06,257
[laughs]
355
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,676
I'm serious, baby,
your lips look like
356
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,344
if you smile,
they gonna crack and bleed.
357
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:12,639
[chuckles]
Shut up!
358
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:16,518
(Reverend)
'Sister Gina,
it's Reverend Lonnie.'
359
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,395
- Okay, that's him, baby.
- Oh, baby, I'm scared.
360
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,480
- I don't want to do this.
- Don't be afraid, Gina!
361
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,607
Look, I'mma be
in the kitchen, okay?
362
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,442
Look, look, if you
need me just call, okay?
363
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:28,196
Gina, Gina, remember, babe, you
got to keep them in this space.
364
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:31,282
Look, girl..
Gina, be a soldier, girl.
365
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:35,995
Alright, I'm coming.
366
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,290
Okay.
Come on in, Reverend.
367
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,002
It's just me and you
up in here, isn't it?
368
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,586
Yeah, why do you ask?
369
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,839
Well, 'cause you know that
after that last whopping
370
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:49,384
your boyfriend put on me,
I could barely heal myself.
371
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:53,096
Oh. Well, you don't have to
worry about that.
372
00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:55,306
We both went our separate ways.
373
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,309
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- It's okay.
374
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,690
My, my, my, Sister Gina,
look at you.
375
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,316
[both laughing]
376
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,070
That dress looks good enough
to give eyesight to the blind.
377
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:11,906
Why don't you let me
take this, okay?
378
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,325
And you can sit on the couch
right there, in that space.
379
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,244
I don't mind if I do.
380
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,122
All this furniture,
is it rented?
381
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:20,665
Oh, no, this is mine.
382
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,254
You know, that was quite
a sermon the other day.
383
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,506
In fact, I was so inspired that
384
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,676
I decided to make a
big donation to the church.
385
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,972
Well, Sister Gina, you know,
I always like to accept
386
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:40,602
large endowments
with both hands.
387
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,104
Oh, oh, yeah, and that part
in the summer
388
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,439
where you did the moonwalk.
389
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,191
I've never seen
anything like that.
390
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,567
You like that?
391
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,736
Well, you know,
during my backsliding days
392
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:54,157
you know, I did tour with
the Parliament-Funkadelic.
393
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:57,369
Remember?
Used to call me Scorpio.
394
00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,788
- Oh, that explains it.
- Ah!
395
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:02,707
You know, I don't know
if you realize this
396
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,459
but..
397
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:09,673
...on that pulpit,
you are so sexy.
398
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,716
Umm, uh, Sister Gina
399
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,011
I'm feelin' a spirit
growing up inside me.
400
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,721
Uh, maybe I ought to leave.
401
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,056
No! No!
402
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,891
Please. Don't leave.
403
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,059
I want you to stay.
404
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:24,270
- I, I like you.
- Gracious.
405
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:26,189
Does thou tempt me?
406
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,776
Maybe I ought to leave
while I can still stand.
407
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,695
No, please, please, please.
408
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,364
Please, I want you
to stay please.
409
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:38,451
Uh, I find you so attractive.
410
00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:40,912
Well, you know, it's funny
you bring that up, Sister Gina.
411
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,539
It's not just you.
412
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:46,668
Uh, my looks have tempted
several young virgins.
413
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,629
A...lot of people say,
I look just like
414
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:51,172
Denzel Washington.
415
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:53,967
- In the dark.
- No..
416
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,719
When you squint your eyes.
417
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,807
- Ooh!
- Oh! That's it!
418
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:01,975
[both chuckle]
419
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:05,353
- Lonnie..
- Oh, call me Love.
420
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:08,606
- Call me Love.
- Wait a minute.
421
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:10,734
Wait.
422
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:15,113
Oh, you know, I wish
we could run away together.
423
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,407
You and me alone.
424
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:21,286
Oh, Sister Gina,
I'm getting a fever rising up.
425
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,496
Did I ever tell you that
I got a house in The Bahamas
426
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,791
that don't nobody know about.
I could charter a plane.
427
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,085
We'll be there
first thing in the morning.
428
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,962
Butt naked on the beach.
429
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,635
I've never been to The Bahamas.
430
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:41,222
- I would do anything to go.
- Anything?
431
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:45,226
- Any...thing.
- Ooh!
432
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,771
Gina got a little freaky there.
433
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,359
Out, Satan, out, I say!
434
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:55,987
Take your ayes above with you,
I rebuked you, out!
435
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,448
Ooh! Oh, I'm so glad
I got past that.
436
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,993
- Now where were we?
- We were right here.
437
00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:04,454
Look, I don't want you to
get up one more time, okay?
438
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:07,290
You little preacher man.
Don't you move off this couch.
439
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:09,334
- Not one more time.
- Sister Gina.
440
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,087
I'm under your spell.
441
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:13,505
Now about The Bahamas.
442
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,676
It's very expensive
how can you afford it?
443
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:23,598
Sister Gina, did you not see
how my flock gave unto me
444
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,600
all their worldly possessions
445
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:28,436
and savings when I pass
the collection plate.
446
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,940
So you mean to tell me,
you use that money
447
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,776
for your own personal means.
448
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,319
Hell, yeah.
449
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:41,199
Now come here,
you little vixen.
450
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,201
Sorry, Lord,
but Satan won this round.
451
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,245
Wait.
452
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:46,287
Martin!
453
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,872
- Martin!
- Yo.
454
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,875
[speaking indistinctly]
455
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:56,798
I know Tang Soo Do style,
what you gonna do?
456
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:59,551
Baby, baby, baby, honey,
we don't have to do this.
457
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,553
We got him, baby, we got him!
458
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,597
Yeah, yeah. You right.
You, you are so right.
459
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:07,600
Uh, happy foot. Listen, man.
460
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,894
Look here, man, uh, I think
461
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:12,981
you better start, uh,
praying for parole.
462
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,483
- We got you on tape.
- That's right.
463
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:18,403
Oh, this skank set me up!
464
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:25,326
Excuse me, but...did you
just call me a skank?
465
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,912
Well, uh, Sister Gina
what I meant..
466
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,414
[grunts]
467
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,964
- Babe, he called me a skank!
- But we know that ain't true.
468
00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:39,924
That's right, you never
called me a skank.
469
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,469
- Ain't ever gonna call you one.
- I know!
470
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:46,431
Calling me a skank, he got
to be out his damn mind.
471
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:49,351
Realationship can't work,
if I call you names.
472
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:52,812
Sister Rubela, is that you?
473
00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,732
Yeah, it's me.
474
00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:00,820
[instrumental music]
475
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,494
[instrumental music]
476
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:10,580
I am stand..
477
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:16,961
This one stand before
you today, brothers and sisters
478
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,047
a humble man.
479
00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:22,425
A servant of the Lord
480
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:26,471
who has seen the
errors of his ways.
481
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:29,891
So I'm askin' you to..
482
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,434
...forgive me.
483
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:34,646
[sobs]
36078
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