All language subtitles for Martin.S01E21.Im.Not.Your.Superwoman.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

Sorry for the inconvenience,
people.

But you kids are too wild
at the club today.

Just wanna make sure
nobody gets hurt

smugglin' any weapons in,
alright?

Come on here.
Let me see now. Okay.

How you doing, partner?
Have a good time.

How you doin', lady?
Have a good time.

Whoa, whoa! Damn!
The ugly buzzer just went off.

You brothers are ugly as hell.

If ugly was a crime,
you'd get the electric chair.

Now get out the club.
Please leave the club.

You're messin' it up.
Let's go.

Just move it that way.
That's right. Don't stop.

Let's go.
Hold on partner. Hold on.

Looks kinda crazy.
But I gotta check you, partner.

Hold on. Take your..

Well, take your hands
out your pocket.

Let me check.

Alright, partner.
Go on. You're clean.

Damn! Damn!
Hold on!

You didn't think
I saw those midgets, did you?

Come on? Pay for three.
Let's go. Three people.

You try to sneak 'em in,
you pay for the midgets.

Lady. Okay.

Now let me shake
one of 'em hands.

Excuse me,
I'm the owner of this club.

What are you doin' here?

Oh, you didn't
call for security, boy?

No, I did not.

Well, I'm sorry partner.
Don't get hostile, okay.

I only work about,
what, 15 minutes.

So that'll be $40.
I'm just tryin' to help.

Man, $40.
I ain't payin' you nothing.

If you don't get on outta here,

I might have to hurt you,
old man.

While I try to help your club

and you say
you're gonna hurt me?

Take your best shot, boy.
Huh?

Boy you funny as hell.
Is that all you got?

Huh, huh, huh? Come on.

[indistinct chatter]

Hold on, boy.

Huh? Get up.

[theme song]

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence ♪

How y'all feel?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence ♪

♪ Yo ♪
♪ He's so crazy ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence ♪

How y'all feel?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Lawrence ♪♪

[upbeat music]

You know, that Steven Seagal
movie was whack.

Oh, yo, yeah,
you don't press somebody elbow

and then they die.
Yeah, right.

Yo, man, I'm gonna
tell you like this.

If y'all see a brother with
a ponytail and some tight jeans

whoop my ass? Kill me.

What was up with his gut?
Splat-out!

No, babe.
You mean, Spla-k-k-k-lat-a!

Yo, you would think
with all them Kung Fu lessons

Steven Seagal would have
did a couple of sit-ups.

Boy walkin' around all fat
and bloated lookin' like Elvis..

Yo, for real. Seagal was weak,
man. I could take him.

You don't have to. All you gotta
do is cough on him.

You need to take
your behind home.

We couldn't hear half the movie
with all your hackin'.

I'm sorry. I can't seem to
shake this cold, y'all.

Cole, please don't make me sick.

I have a very important project
at work this week

and it could
mean a promotion.

- Right girl?
- Come on now.

Mo' money. Mo' money.

Uh, what exactly
is that you do, Gina?

I'm in marketing,
you know that.

Alright, alright. That's cool.

That's cool.
My cousin's in marketing.

She-she's the one that says
plastic or paper, you know her?

- Chips.
- Oh, yeah.

[coughing]

[indistinct chatter]

I'll have some.

If I'd have known
that's all I had to do

to get the whole bowl
I'd did it a long time ago.

[upbeat music]

[Martin coughing]

Excuse me.
But I'm telling you, okay.

Black history month
should be in December

when you get 31 days.

Stickin' us in February
that's only 28 days.

I'm tellin' you,
it's a conspiracy.

You know what I'm sayin'?

But look here, we gotta break
for commercials

so we'll be back after
word from Shamaurice.

Excuse me. Enjoy the intimate
dining experience of Shamaurice.

[coughing]

Try a succulent T-bone steak
simmering in its own..

...juices.

So hurry on down to Shamaurice
where everyone loves to..

That-that's I gotta go

but I'll see you when
I see you, okay? Sorry. Peace.

Martin, What are you doing?

We got over
an hour of show left.

Yo, man put it to tape.

- Oh.
- Uh..

Martin? Where do you think
you're going?

Ah, you know, I own you
for another hour.

No. Look, look, Stan.
I can't go on, man.

- I got a cold.
- What? What's wrong with you?

- I caught a cold from Cole.
- What?

- I caught a cold from Cole.
- You want a Coca Cola?

Stan, I'm sick, man. Alright?
I need the rest of the day off.

Hell no! You know,
young people kill me nowadays.

Always wanting the day off,
when they sneeze

or they run over by a bus.

Look...let me
tell you a story, Martin.

Don't even go there, alright.
I'm sick enough, man.

- Man. It was 1973 or '74..
- '74, Stan.

I was workin' three jobs
and goin' to school.

I came down with..

...with the flu.
And what did I do?

I continued to work, Martin.

And that's how I got
my first business.

Oh, give me a break, Stan.
Alright?

You didn't get it working hard.
You gave your boss the flu.

Alright, he died of pneumonia
and left you the business.

You can't prove that.

Anyway, the point is I continued
to work. That is my point.

- Look, come on, Stan. I'm..
- So what?

[sneezing]

Oh, oh. Oh, God.

You got that mucus
all in my eye.

All on my tie.

Oh, well. With that tie
you don't even notice it.

[upbeat music]

Look, I know we're a little
under the gun

but we've got to finish our
project deadline by tomorrow.

Now, I've come up
with some ideas that--

I'm sorry, Ms. Waters,
but there's a call on Line Two.

They say it's important.

Okay. Excuse me. Sorry.

This is Ms. Waters.

Martin? Honey,
I'm in a meeting right now.

Can't talk right now. Bye.

Sorry. Um, what was I saying?
Right, right, right.

Un, there have been
some problems

with the dialects
on the promotional tee shirts

and I have a solution that will
reduce the cost by 25 percent--

Excuse me, Ms. Waters.
Line Two again.

They said it was an emergency.

[sighs]

Hello.

Martin. Martin, I told you
I'm in a meeting.

Honey, I'm sorry you're sick.
But..

Alright, alright, Martin.
What color is it?

Really? Well, um,
just-just drink some juices.

And I'll talk to you later,
okay. Bye.

- Um, Pam, where was I please?
- You're talking about dialects.

I'm sorry. He said it was
a matter of life and death.

Her boyfriend has a cold.

Martin, call a doctor
and leave me alone.

Hello? Hello?

- Martin?
- What happened?

I was talking to Martin
and the line went dead.

Look, Pam,
I need to go check it out.

- Would you over for me?
- Yeah, Gina.

But if you want this promotion

you're gonna have to
finish this up tonight.

Don't worry about it.
We will. Okay?

Ah, excuse me. Pam is gonna
finish up here. Thanks, girl.

Okay, everybody, Gina's gone
and I don't have a boyfriend.

So it looks like
we're gonna be here all day.

[instrumental music]

Martin? Baby?
What happened, honey?

Well.

What a surprise!

Look who finally
decided to show up.

Hello, Mrs. Payne.
Is Martin alright?

How'd you get in here?
Did I leave the door unlocked?

- No, I have a key.
- Does Martin know?

Yes, he gave it to me.

Well, I gotta talk to him
about trustin' everybody.

Look, is Martin alright?

Alright?
Child, the boy's half dead.

Luckily I was
in the neighborhood

lookin' for the numbers man.

Four, Five, Nine.
Remember that number.

- That's the one..
- I better go see him.

Now don't go back there
disturbin' him!

He's in his drawers. He don't
need you peekin' at him.

- Maybe I'll make him some tea.
- Tea?

Hell, we ain't in England.

Or maybe I'll give him
some orange juice.

Orange juice?

Well, why don't you just
go on back there

and shoot him
in the damn head?

Now, let me tell you
how to take care of my boy.

Oh, yes, please, Mrs. Payne.
Tell me, tell me, please.

I'd like to know, please.

Child, have you lost
your damn mind?

You ain't too grown
to get double back slap.

I'll bring you here, pow!
Then bring you there.

What?

I'm sorry.

Tell me, please.

Now, you give him a cup
of my remedy every hour.

You put garlic in his shoes.

You rub pork fat on his chest.

Got to be an oily thing.

You put a-a boiled egg in a sock
and you hang it in the doorway.

- Why?
- Child, I don't know.

Just do it.
My mama did it.

Her mother did it.
Just do it.

You modern women have no idea
how to take care of no sick man.

Yes, we do.

Nowadays,
you can have a career

and you can take care
of your man too.

Well, I guess
you done told me.

All I did was raise him
for 27 years.

I worked seven jobs tryin'
to put him through school.

Back and forth
to the principal's office.

In and out of juvenile home.
But did I complain?

But did I complain? No.

Just like
I did not complain

when I brought him
into this world.

And, child, the boy's head
was the same size of his neck.

Thirty eight hours.

[exhaling]

Thirty eight hours
of hard labor, Gina.

And you never know how hard.

They were pullin'
the boy by his ears.

If I hadn't sneezed..

...I'd still be pregnant.

I guess I don't know as much
as you, Ms. Modern Woman.

Now, look here.
I gotta get ready to go.

But if something
happen to my baby

you better watch your back.

Don't make no damn sense.
And got me all rattled up.

I don't want him
with you anyway.

Four, five, nine.

Tell me I can't take care of my
man. I can take care of my man.

(Martin)
'Momma.'

[upbeat music]

Martin? Hey, baby you sick?

Hey, baby.
Where's my mama?

She's not here, Martin.
I'm gonna take care of you now.

Oh, babe, thank you.

But I don't think
you could take care of me.

I think I need my mama.

You, you want her pager number?

No, Martin.
You don't need your mother.

I'm perfectly capable of
taking care of you myself.

Now put this cold towel
on your head.

Ah-ah! Babe, it's cold.

My mother generally
makes it warm.

Okay, well, I'll warm it up.

- Alright. Thank you, my angel.
- You're welcome.

[bell ringing]

- What is that?
- This is my sick bell.

I had this since I was seven.

Oh.

Well, what-what do you need?

Ah, would you
check my temperature please?

- Oh, sure, baby. No problem.
- Okay.

Alright, alright..

Martin?

No. We're not goin' there,
Martin.

Martin-Martin, no!
We're not going..

Turn around.
Turn around and sit up. Okay.

- Open your mouth.
- What?

You don't know how to put it in?

Open your mouth.

- Sit up.
- Okay.

- You ready?
- I'm cold.

Okay, okay.

Ow! Ow! Get it out.
You're chokin' me.

Martin, be still.

You're trying to kill me

like that lady in "Misery."

Martin, I-I told you
to sit up, okay.

I can't, babe.
I'm uncomfortable.

These sheets hurt.

Will you fluff
my pillows please?

- Sure, whatever. Fine. Okay.
- Oh, please. Thank you.

- Come on.
- Okay. Hold on.

- Ow. I'm sore.
- Okay.

Oh, babe, hurry it up,
it's cold.

Hurry.
It's cold, baby.

- Come here. Come over here.
- Okay.

- Thank you.
- Alright.

Thank you.
That's better, baby.

Okay, good. Alright.
Pam is gonna be here.

And we have some
important work to do, Martin.

But if you need me
I'll be in the other room, okay?

Okay.
I'll just ring my bell, okay?

- Okay.
- Alright.

[bell ringing]

What is it, Martin?

I wanted to see
if you could hear it.

[bell ringing]

- Martin!
- No, no. I'm serious this time.

- Hurry up.
- Okay.

C-could you make me some
chicken soup please?

- Yes, Martin.
- Okay.

[bell ringing]

Could you chop it into tiny
pieces like what my mama does?

- Yes, Martin.
- Okay. Thank you.

[bell ringing]

I love you.

[bell ringing]

What?

You didn't say you love me back.

I love you!

[bell ringing]

You ain't gotta
give no attitude.

You want little pieces.

I'm gonna give you
little pieces.

I don't even know
what I'm doing.

Hey, Gina. I brought the report
home, so we could finish it.

Girl, what are you doing?

I'm trying to make chicken soup.

You know how to cut a chicken?

Please, that's what
I pay the colonel for.

Come on over here
so I can show you these notes.

Oh, let me take a look.

[bell ringing]

Oh, no. Tell me
that's not what I think it is.

Please tell me that you have a
ice cream truck

in the next room.

(Martin)
'Gina. Gina.'

I'll be right there!

Look, Gina,
if you want this promotion

we gonna have to
finish this tonight.

The messenger will be here
in less than an hour.

Right, right.

[Martin groaning]

[coughing]

Gina?

Di-didn't you hear me,
Gina baby?

Ding a ling ling.
Ding a ling ling.

Please tell me that's not yours

'cause that's the ugliest baby

I've ever seen.

Oh, you mind your business, Pam.

Martin, what do you need, honey?

Is-is my chicken soup ready yet?

No, the soup isn't ready,
Martin. I'm still workin' on it.

Look, why don't you
go back into the bedroom.

And I'll bring it when I'm done.

But I'm lonely in there.

Alright, Martin.
You can sit here.

But you gotta be quiet.

The clock is ticking, Gina.

I'm here, pam.

[whining]

Baby, I-I could barely,
I could barely walk.

I got the gout.

Martin, you do not have gout.

I put garlic
in your shoes, sweetie.

- Garlic?
- Yeah.

His mother told me to do that,
Pam.

Oh. Here's your garlic.

Ow. Ow, ow.

Oh, give me that garlic.
Okay. Alright.

Get that garlic off the..

Okay. Ooh!
I feel so much better now, baby.

I can feel my fever
goin' down already.

Look, y'all,
go on 'bout y'all business.

Don't mind me, okay?

Gina, we've got
to finish this.

Get rid of him.

Hey, Martin, honey.

Honey, I love you, baby.
Come on.

You gotta turn off
the television. Go back to bed.

Yeah, okay. You're right.

I'll just,
I'll just go in the kitchen

and make my own soup.

Since you didn't.

Baby, I'm sorry, I'll do it,
okay? I'm gonna do it.

- You will?
- Ah, no, no, baby.

You can't.
We have got to finish this.

Martin, would you
make it yourself?

Hey, don't yell at me, alright?

I'm just a sick brother trying
to take my mind off the pain.

Ow! Ow!

- Martin, are you alright?
- I'm cool.

Ahh! Damn it!

Martin, what's wrong?

We're outta orange juice.

Hey, y'all. Yo, what's up?
What's up?

Now I know we're never gonna
get this work done, Gina.

Hey. My boys.
Thank God, y'all are here.

I need somebody
to take care of me.

Just give me 30 minutes
and I'll be free, okay.

- All I need is just 30 minutes.
- Thirty minutes, Gina.

We will have him cured
in 30 minutes.

You tell 'em, Tommy.

Okay, you see,
it's an old family remedy.

Here, first,
you take your vapor rub

and you rub that
all over your body.

Then you take
the collard greens, right.

And you wrap this up in 'em.

Why you, why don't you
just wrap him up in some

black eyed peas and corn bread
and make a meal out of him?

- Tommy, I'm feeling kinda weak.
- Mm?

Would you rub this
on my chest please?

Hell no! Can't do that.

- Cole?
- Um, no.

I ain't like that.
I'll make you some soup.

Why you gotta be like that to
rub someone's, my chest, man?

That's the problem
with us brothers today.

We don't know how to finesse

each other without being,
you know.

Finesse?

Gina...would you rub this
on my chest please?

Look, Martin,
we're trying to work here.

Martin, give me five minutes.
I promise.

You-you're right.
I don't need it anyway.

I don't need to breathe.

Oh, would you die already.

Give me that. Give it to me.

- Give it to me, Martin.
- Oh, I don't believe..

- Hurry up, Gina.
- Alright. Come here. Come..

Ow! Ow! It hurts.
Not so rough. I'm sensitive.

Look, Gina, they're double
chargin' us for shipping.

- What? Let me see that. Oh!
- I don't believe this.

No! Look what I did to the..

Look what you made me do
to the paper.

I got grease all over it.

- Here's a towel.
- Thank you.

Gina, look what it's doing
to the ink.

[knock on door]

(male #1)
'Messenger for pick up.'

No, the messenger is here.
I can't even read this.

Martin,
look what you made me do.

I'll help you read it, Gina.

[indistinct chatter]

(male #1)
'Messenger for pickup.'

Damn, my soup!

Martin, I have tried.

Lord knows
I have tried, Martin.

But I can't do both.

I can't wait on you hand
and foot and do my job too.

Martin, I'm not your superwoman.
I'm not your mother.

You got that, Martin?
Martin, don't just lie there.

Say something.

[screams]

Damn!

[instrumental music]

Excuse me, baby.
I thought you could use this.

Oh, thank you.

Babe, it's 3:00 a.m.
in the mornin'.

You still workin'
on this report?

Mm, almost done.

Look, girl, I know. I am sorry.

I know I was buggin' earlier.

But that's how I get when
I'm sick, babe. Alright.

Now look, I don't want you
to be my mother.

I want you to be you.

Thank you, baby.

- Alright.
- You feeling any better?

- Ah, girl, I feel much better.
- Yeah?

Since I let it out.
Had to get it out.

A lot of times that would
happen, you built up in here

and you don't let it out
then that's what he cold for.

- Yeah, I feel good.
- Good.

- Baby...feel my neck.
- Huh?

- Say, feel better, right?
- Yeah.

- Feel my head.
- Yeah, it feels better.

Now go back to the chest.
Go to the chest.

- Feel the chest. Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[indistint]

[instrumental music]

[Martin groaning]

(Gina)
Martin.

Martin.

Martin.

[laughing]

[indistinct]

[laughing]

[indistinct chatter]