Original subtitles

Your father's so tight he can bacl into a wall

and suck out a brick.

You can never be like my mother.

You're right about that Martin I can't grow a moustache.

You better stop before I say somethin' I regret.

Too late. You already have.

Maybe, we are too different, Martin.

I guess we gotto do what we gotto do.

How about two friends get together

tomorrow night for dinner.

I have a girl friend here that's dying to meet you.

He is a minister at the church on 3rd.

So, why don't you get onto your knees?

- What? - Oh, uh..

And pray, and pray with me.

This is, uh, my new girlfriend.

My new baby.

Alright, I'mma let you be alone.

You and your uncle.

I'm in love with you, Martin Payne.

[theme song]

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Lawrence yeah ♪

♪ How y'all been ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Lawrence yeah ♪

♪ He's so crazy ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Lawrence yeah ♪

♪ How y'all been?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Lawrence ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Yo, come on, Gina move over it's cold.

Come on, Gina. What is wrong with you, Gina?

I don't know, Martin. Maybe, I could call her and ask.

[shouting]

Oh, Nicole...oh.

Thank God, you're here, Nicole.

I had this terrible nightmare about my-my old girlfriend.

I ain't mention her in my sleep, did I?

- Eight times, Martin. - Oh, damn.

You still love her, don't you?

Yeah, but every time me and you have sex

I love her a little bit less. We cool.

Martin, we have not had sex once.

Alright, well damn, sorry, alright.

Okay, I couldn't because of Gina.

But if anybody ever ask you tell em'

was because we had no protection, alright.

Okay, but Martin I have to tell you that I'm still in love

with my old boyfriend and I know I told you

that I love you last night but I don't.

You ain't gotta say it like that.

- I don't love you. - I know, Martin.

How do we get ourselves into this mess?

I don't know about you. Me and Gina had this big crazy fight.

And she said some things I don't think I can forgive.

Like what?

She said some things about my mother.

Said my mother had a moustache.

[laughing]

Okay, I'm gettin' dressed.

What the hell was so funny?

You know what, if you'll don't stop that old laughin'

and jokin' about my mother's facial hair, this gonna cease.

Ha-ha-ha, yeah.

'You know, Martin, you just made me realize'

'how stupid my argument was with my old boyfriend.'

'And I've got to go and apologize.'

Yeah.

'You know, I think you should do the same with Gina.'

Please.

No, hell no! I've got my pride.

Well, I guess you gotto do what you gotto do, Martin.

Yeah.

(Nicole) 'Thank you for being so sweet.'

I know.

- Bye, Martin. - Alright.

Bye, bye.

(Martin) 'Bitey-bite, bye, bye.'

Bitey-bye.

How you doin'?

- Hi, how you doin'? - Fine.

Oh, well, it's real good to meet you, Miss Barbie?

Oh...oh, my God.

Well, I guess another one that bit the damn dust.

Oh, my God.

What're you talkin' about?

Oh, you ain't gotta know what I'm talkin' about.

Okay, because you are high-five. You are history. Okay.

Martin drops you like a bar of soap. Whoop.

Okay, no. 'Cause first of all Martin did not drop me.

That's what they all say, rejected girl. All!

So, go on home and don't let me

catch you back around here again, okay?

Because I will throw you down the incinerator, okay?

And let me tell you something alright.

Weave hair. Oh, it stinks when it burns. Oh, my God.

No, no, no. 'Cause see this is my hair. Thank you.

Oh, so what you got Indian in your family? Oh, my God.

[Ululating]

Oh, my God. Little girl.

Just go home and change your pampers, okay?

Little girl? Look!

Don't get hurt by this little girl, okay?

- No, you did not.. - Yes I did.

Bitch. Don't you put your hand on my face. Alright.

You don't put your hand in my face.

I will hurt you, okay? I will hurt you.

So, what you trying to do?

[shouting]

You better go home before I bust your ass.

[knock on door]

Okay, who is it?

It's Pam, open up. Here's your paper.

So, uh, how was your date with my cousin, Lione?

Was it everything I told, or what.

Pam, you're cousin, Lione

is a psycho religious sexually repressed ex-con.

So other than that, how was your date?

It was awful.

- Oh, and guess who was there? - Who?

Martin showed up with his new girlfriend.

Really? What did she look like?

Cute. Young, real young.

So, Martin went and got himself a young tenderoni.

That dog!

Girl don't even worry about him, 'cause I got

another cousin I wanna hook you up with.

- You see-- - Uh-huh, no.

That's alright, Pam. I'm through men in your family, excuse me.

Okay, fine, fine you don't wanna go out

with my cousin Elston then fine.

Go ahead and be a sap and apologize to Martin.

No, darling, that is not gonna happen.

It's Martin's fault, I'm not apologizing

for anything, you can forget that.

Gina, you know you'd be running right back.

- Hi. My name is Michael. - Hello, Michael.

My name is Pam. And this is Gina.

I just moved in down the hall

and all my stuff are still in boxes.

- Can I borrow some coffee? - You hear that, Gina?

He-he wants to borrow coffee.

Gina's got plenty of coffee and..

...trust me she knows how to grind it.

- Pam. - Come on in.

Yeah, come on in.

Oh, damn!

Gotta go.

Pam, you said you're gonna give me a lift.

I don't have time, Gina.

Maybe, um, Michael here can take you downtown.

What kinda car did you say you drove?

Mercedes 450 SL.

Go, Michael. See ya later.

Pam. Hey, Pam.

[chuckles]

Coffee, coming right up. Have a seat, okay?

- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

- Okay, I'll read the things. - Yo.

- Stan. - Oh, what's happenin'?

Billy Dee Williams get here, man?

Not yet.

How you get Billy Dee to come on the show anyway?

Oh, I was drivin' in traffic and he rear ended me.

Whiplash, Martin.

No celebrity likes a lawsuit.

Especially one who's known for liking Colt 45.

Hello, hello, hello, Billy Dee Williams.

Hello, hello, hello, Stan.

How you doin'? How's you're neck?

- Oh, it's gettin' better. - Uh-huh.

U-uh-uh-uh, gently, gently, gently.

Yo, yo, what's up, Billy Dee Williams, man.

- I'm Martin. Hey, man. - How you doin'.

I loved your Lady Sings The Blues, man.

you was all of that, you the man.

Well, thank you very much, young man.

If my star shined at all it was the reflection of the brilliant

talent of my beautiful leading lady, Diana Ross.

Oh, smooth, Billy Dee.

- Hey, can I ask you a question? - Uh-huh.

Do you call yourself Billy Dee Williams

because otherwise you'd be known as William Dee Williams?

Alright, excuse me.

Here you go, Billy. H-have a seat right here, man.

Yeah, look, I'm gonna let you two soul brothers

get acquainted, Billy, 'cause now I've gotta go

and return that call to Jacoby and Meyers.

You do that.

So, look here, Billy, I thought we talk about why you're in town

your charity work, you know, stuff like that, man.

Martin, I detect in your vocal inflection

the tone of a man who's going through a grave romantic crisis.

[sobbing]

Am I correct?

How could you possibly know that..

Martin, who're you talkin' to?

Billy Dee Williams.

Well, I think that says it all.

Now, tell me about your problem

perhaps I can be of some assistance.

Um, um, Billy Dee. Uh, Mr. Williams.

Um...me and my girl Gina, man, got in this big crazy fight.

- We fight all the time, man. - Oh, yes, yes, yes, uh..

Hurt and anger are frequently the residues of extreme passion.

- Continue. - Right.

Right, right, right, right, well, anyway man.

I guess we just finally got tired of apologizing man.

Neither one of us wants to make the first move.

So, here I am, Billy man.

I'm hurt, Billy. I'm hurt.

Well, tell me, Martin, uh..

- Do you love this Gina? - Most definitely.

Oh, then the course is simple then you must apologize.

[laughing] Hell no. Billy, I can't do that.

- I got my pride, Billy. - Pride?

Oh, I despise that word, Martin.

Pride is like a toxic chemical in the garden of love.

And Gina is your flower in that garden, Martin.

If you nurture her cherish her

she'll return that love with a full glory

of the blossoming of her fragrance.

But if you choke over that weed called pride, Martin..

...both your love and her's..

...will wither and die.

Oh, snap.

Oh, Billy, how you come up with that man.

Well, that's a line from my new movie.

But then...that's not important.

The most important thing is that you and Gina get back together.

Now tell me again. Do you love Gina?

- Yes. Yes, Billy. - You cherish her?

Does she sing your heart song like no other woman has?

Yes, Billy Dee, yes.

- Go find her boy. - Yeah.

- Now. - You're the man.

- And apologize. - You're the man.

[babbling]

[instrumental music]

To see an Ernie Barnes painting..

...is to see Urban America.

- Oh. - Don't you agree?

- Yes, he is my favorite artist. - Hm.

- Whoa, I lost track of time. - Oh.

I'm sorry. I get carried away when I talk about art.

Mm-hmm.

This was fun.

Yeah, it was.

You know...its really nice to finally meet a man

who shares some of my same interests.

I hope there's a lot more we'll share.

Yeah.

Oh, allow me.

- Thank you. - Hm.

[phone ringing]

[Gina on answering machine] 'Please leave a message after the beep.'

[beep]

(Martin) 'Gina you still there? Babe, its Martin.'

'Look, th-there's something I wanna tell you, Gina.'

'Gina. Damn.'

[instrumental music]

Telling you man I finally realized what me and Gina

fought over was stupid.

And I got to get my baby back.

'Cause I got to tell you, Tommy..

...Cole.

Success is nothin'..

...without someone you love to share it with.

I forgot Billy Dee was on his show today.

He told you to say that, didn't he?

Yeah, so? So? It's how I feel Tommy.

Dang, Martin, I forgot how your hallway smelled.

Okay, what is the emergency and what do you want?

Pam, I need you.

I know, you horny and everything

but Gina is my best friend.

Please, alright, stop wishin', okay?

- Now where is she? - I 'm not tellin'.

I'm not gonna let you hurt her anymore than you already have.

Oh, oh, so you're gonna tell me even though it's an emergency?

- What's the emergency? - Her father, Pam.

He was hurt in an avalanche.

Eh, wrong, he's in Mexico, try again.

Eh, well, excuse me, it was a el avalanchio.

Now, where is she?

Look, Martin, if Gina wanted to call you, she'll call you.

- So, just stop sweating her. - Ha-ha-ha.

So, so there's a phone where she is, huh?

Ha-ha-ha-ha, she's in a phone booth, let's go.

Nah, nah, ha-ha-h-ha. She's not in the phone booth.

She's on a date in a restaurant.

- Tommy, how did you know that? - I didn't.

- But you just told me so.. - Yeah.

[laughing]

Now...this restaurant Gina's at

are there any golden arches involved?

There would be, if you were takin' her out.

Uh-uh, oh, whoa, okay, alright.

So it's expensive places she likes.

Iit's the kind of expensive place

that you take a woman on a first date

when you want to impress her.

[together] Chez Maurice!

Martin, why don't you just leave her alone?

I saw this guy and he's like perfect for her.

- You're too late. - No!

It's never too late for love.

Now, I gotta go change. Thanks, Pam.

Hey...Pam, thanks okay, it's for the better.

[gasping]

- Thank you, Pam it's-- - You try it, Cole.

And I'll bust you upside your head.

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]

Do you know, you have the most beautiful smile?

It lights up the whole room.

Thank you, Michael, you're fun to be with.

Mademoiselle..

...flowers from the gentleman.

Oh, Michael, that is so sweet, you shouldn't have.

- I didn't. - Oh!

Not that gentleman, that gentleman.

Aha!

Sir, we're not gonna have the same problem

we had last time, are we?

Nah, I'm chilling, garcon. Peace.

- Thank you, sir. - Ha-ha.

For this, you can wreck the place.

You want my hand to fall off?

[snapping]

[exhaling] Gina, Gina, Gina.

It's been a long time.

Martin, it was just last night.

Well...a night without you, baby..

...is like an eternity.

[laughing]

Cigarette?

I don't smoke, and neither do you.

I do now, Gina.

Since you left me..

...I might as well smoke, get lung cancer and die.

[coughing]

Hi...my name is, Michael.

Do you two know each other?

This is my old boyfriend, Martin.

Well then, maybe I should leave you two alone.

No need to, Michael. You won the woman.

Do you know what you have in this woman here, Michael?

Yes, I've got a woman who appreciates

the finer things in life.

And if I get the chance, I'm gonna shower her..

...with nothing but the best.

Woo, woo-hoo that was nice, Michael.

But what do you mean by the finer things in life, man?

- Well...take tonight. - 'Hm.'

- I picked her up in my 450 SL. - 'Hm.'

Took her to the finest restaurant.

And later on tonight we'll drink some 20 year old cognac..

...in my neo-Italian furnished apartment.

Wo-hoo, ha...damn, Michael!

You make me wanna go ga-ga.

Well...Michael, I-I can't afford her all that.

All I could do is..

...light some candles.

Put on some Luther Vandross.

Ooh, ooh.

Draw up a nice hot bubble bath.

And then lay her down on a nice soft bed

covered with rose petals.

And then, stare in her eyes..

...and she'll stare back at me and go..

..."You go, boy."

But, I guess, that's not the finer things in life.

Huh, Gina?

I'm gonna go to the men's room.

Get rid of him, Gina.

- Martin, what are you doing? - Trying to win you back, Gina.

Now, wassup, babe, huh?

You don't want him, you know you want me.

Oh, oh-okay. So, it's like that.

I'm too late, huh?

I'll go.

Because if I stay, I'll just get in your way.

So, I'll go, but I'll think of you..

...every step of the way.

Bitter-sweet memories, Gina.

That's all I'm taking with me.

So, goodbye.

Don't you cry.

We both know..

...I'm not what you need.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Will always love you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ And I will always love you ♪

♪ And I will always love ♪

♪ You ♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah. Yeah.

[laughing]

- Oh, Martin. - Look, look, Gina, baby, look.

Look, I'm sorry, babe, this is all my fault.

- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry too, baby.

I-I-I know you're different from me

but t-that's what I love about you, babe.

- Let's not fight anymore. - Hey, hey.

But if we don't fight, we can't make up.

- That's right. - Yeah, you know what, Martin.

- I have missed you so much. - Yeah.

And I would rather fight with you than just get along

with somebody that I don't love.

[screaming]

Ah...uh-hu-ha, we can..

Oh, damn.

- Um...w-w-we're sorry. - We're sorry.

Uh, um, uh-ha.

- It's been a long time. - It's been a while, you know.

Um, uh, u-u-uh, garcon, garcon!

Uh, champagne for everybody, man.

Okay, her partner that's in the bathroom's paying for it.

We outta here.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

What?