Original subtitles

What up? What up? Whazzup?

I'm here with the one and only

my idol, the man, Richard Pryor.

You cool. You cool.

Man, we brought you here to tell you we love you.

There's no me without you, man.

And, uh, what can I say?

I grew up on, on you.

Uh, I remember, my mother'd say, "Get in bed, get in the bed."

I said, "Not before I hear Pryor."

And I remember Mudbone.

"When I first come down here.."

- Am I doing it right? - Not exactly, but it's good.

The first thing you got to do

is you got to remember that you're ageless.

Don't matter how old or how young

it don't matter, 'cause you ain't in that group.

[laughs]

You got to go, Mudbone say things like

"You know, when I first came down here

"I saw peoples, they was running all around the streets.

"There wasn't a riot.

Just people running around."

You see, you got to just talk regular

then think of things as you go along.

'cause peoples try to do that to you.

They come up to you, have pieces of paper.

Sometimes it has money in it.

And you know I want the money.

There you go. See? Now you got it.

Well, look, man, this is from my heart to you.

And I'm not going to keep you.

But, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Richard Pryor.

I can't believe these people.

Oh, my god.

That's great.

Thank you very much.

Love you, Martin.

Thank you, man.

And you owe me $50.

[theme music]

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence yah ♪

How y'all been?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence yah ♪

He's so crazy!

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence yah ♪

How y'all been?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence ♪♪

[instrumental music]

- Let's make a toast, okay? - Uh-huh.

To my Valentine baby on Valentine's day.

Aw. Tay. To me and my baby.

- Yes. Mm. - Yes. Mm.

Ooh!

[blowing]

- Okay. - Alright.

The boring part of the night is over.

Where's my gift?

- Gina! - I'm sorry, Martin.

But Pam saw you at the travel agency yesterday.

And I know you got something special planned.

- So gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. - Uh-huh. Okay, bam.

Alright, you're right. You're right.

Now, girl, look here.

You remember when we rapped

about going to the Bahamas for the weekend?

[gasps] Oh, Martin, you didn't!

Hell, no, I didn't.

No, girl.

Instead, we going to a place

that's just as good, Gina.

- Chicago, Martin? - Yeah.

Chicago in February is as good as the Bahamas?

Let me tell you something, girl.

I don't matter where we go

we ain't never leaving the hotel room anyway.

[laughs] Yeah, and the best part about this, baby

we can catch the bus right on the corner.

Martin, you're so thrifty.

Thank you. thank you.

Thank you. Give a kiss? Muah.

Ooh, girl. The lips are just luscious.

[laughs] Stop it!

- Gina, they're like two melons. - Shut up!

Martin, now it's time for you to close your eyes.

'Cause I got to set up your gift.

Okay, give me another kiss with the melon.

- Okay. Muah. - The melon. One more melon.

- Okay, now shut your eyes. - Okay.

Thank you. Okay, keep them closed.

- Oh, girl. - 'I got to set it up for you.'

So what you got for me?

Okay, I tell you what, put the remote

right here in my hand, Gina, okay?

How'd you get the 50-inch up here all by yourself?

Just be quiet, and keep your eyes closed, okay? Alright.

Hey, you get the satellite, too, right, baby?

- Okay, shh. Ready? - Mm-hmm.

Okay, open your eyes.

Spla-da!

Oh!

Baby!

A 2-foot tall statue of a naked lady's butt.

Thank you!

- You hate it. - No, baby.

Look, this is beautiful. I'm not lying. I love it.

The one I have now has a crack in it.

It was made by a friend of my daddy's who's sculptor.

But, you know, I can return it tomorrow.

Baby, no. it's beautiful.

Look, it's winking at me. wah-wah!

Stop playing, Martin. Do you really like it?

Gina, it's beautiful, okay?

- It's beautiful. - Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

Happy Valentine's Day.

[kissing]

Ooh, girl, with the melons.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, Martin, you ready to go? - Hey. Yo.

Yo, man, Gina and Pam ain't here yet.

Look, see that, Tommy?

Look at you rushing me for nothing.

I could've brushed my teeth.

Um...Martin, what is this?

Damn, it look like Pam.

Yo, man. Hey.

Gina gave me that for Valentine's Day.

Oh. Hey, hey, Cole. Look in the mirror.

Tell me what you see.

[laughing]

Give me the damn thing.

Alright, man, y'all are stupid, man. Ignorant.

It's art, man. Art. Okay?

You just don't have the sense to appreciate it.

[laughs]

Yo, man, come on. Look at it.

Gina 's changing you, man. She got you whipped.

Shut up, Cole. You know, I like what Gina 's doing, man.

Yeah, I think it's great

have my boy appreciating art.

What are you talking about, appreciate?

Man, I been appreciating these

long before I met Gina.

Come on, man, I don't know about all that.

Man, this is a slippery slope.

I mean, one day you're appreciating art.

Next thing you know, you're getting your nails done

in front of a picture of Liberace.

[laughs] I was just playing.

Y'all didn't really think I like this, did you?

I was just seeing if y'all were suckers like that.

Oh, okay, okay. Oh, good test. Tommy, we passed.

No, look, I don't even know why

Gina give me this old bourgie stuff, man.

I mean, what am I supposed to do with it anyway?

♪ Doin' the butt hey ♪

♪ Sexy sexy ♪

♪ Bomp bomp ♪

♪ Hey doin' the butt, hey ♪

♪ Stickin' out her big ol' butt oh yeah ♪♪

Oh, yeah?

[laughs]

Hey, baby. What's up?

We just sitting here chilling with the butt.

See, Gina, I told you Martin was too immature

to appreciate fine art.

Well, he appreciated it last night.

Oh, come on, baby.

You know, the brother had some wine

was buzzing along.

Oh, sure, Martin, act like you don't care

in front of your friends.

Oh, look, come on, Gina.

Ain't nobody showing off in front of my friends.

Alright. Alright. You didn't like my gift.

- That's all you had to say. - The thought was beautiful.

But the gift was all wrong.

[laughing]

Tommy and Cole, y'all shut up.

'cause y'all are always instigating.

Hey, they are not instigating, Pam, alright?

They're just reminding me of who I am.

And who are you, Martin?

I don't know, but he must be somebody real important

'cause they made a statue of him.

[scoffs] Why do you think I bought it?

[laughing]

Gina, I just wish you accept me for me, alright?

And stop trying to turn me into a bourgie snob

like your tight father.

What did you just say?

Come on, baby. It ain't like I'm lying.

Your father's so tight he can back into a wall

and suck out a brick.

[pops]

[laughing]

Well, he could teach you something, Martin.

Lord knows somebody should.

[chuckles] Yo, partners, y'all hear this?

She's trying to turn me into her brick-sucking father.

[laughing]

Oh, really, well, why don't you

stop trying to turn me into your mother?

No, no, no. You could never be like my mother.

[scoffs] You're right about that, Martin. I can't grow a mustache.

You didn't have to go there.

Martin, you didn't have to talk about my father.

- Call him a bourgie snob! - Don't show off!

- You're showing off. - Hey, hey. Stop it. Come on!

Look, guys, you're saying lots of things you don't mean.

Excuse me, bruh, I got something to do here. Excuse.

Fine, Martin. Fine.

Take back what you said about my mother.

Not until you take back what you said about my father.

I can't. it's a fact.

No. It's not a fact. It's an opinion.

A stupid, uneducated opinion.

But your mother's mustache? Now, that's a fact.

Well, well, well, your little pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow

overly-muscular ass, what about that?

What about your spli-spli-spli-splacow

underly exercised gut?

What about that, Martin?

Time out!

You better stop before I say something I'll regret.

- Too late. You already have. - Oh, oh, oh, oh.

See, you're being like an old spoiled bourgie brat and leave?

Well, then, leave, alright? Get to stepping, Gina.

Good!

I'd rather be spoiled than be an ignorant, no-class-having

big-eared jackass!

Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

Get up! Get the hell out!

Get out! Get out!

Both of you, get out!

Now, when you're ready to apologize

you know the number, Gina.

With pleasure. Oh, and by the way.

Your cheap-ass bus trip to Chicago is off.

- Off! - No!

This whole thing is off. The relationship is off.

Now get to stepping.

You messed up, Gina!

You could have had it all!

Messed up.

Hello. Bonita there?

[upbeat music]

[instrumental music]

[crying] They say, they want to be with you 'cause of your ears

but that's like dog ears.

[crying] This is my heart..

Dammit, Gina, why?

Here, what's going on behind that pretty smile of Gina?

That little, pretty, beautiful smile of yours.

What's going on behind that twisted, sick mind?

That the man next to you.. My mother got a moustache.

Well, whose got a moustache now? Whose got a moustache now?

You got a beard, too.

Martin. take the chain off. We know you're in there.

- Yo, man, go away. - No, Martin.

We're not leaving this time.

We're going to break it down.

Alright, come on, Tommy. Let's break it.

'One, two, three, go!'

[thumps]

'Ow! ow!'

'Martin, I think I broke my nose.'

Yo, man. Just go away, man. Leave me alone, alright?

No, we can't leave you alone, Martin.

Because you need us, okay?

Man, you have been locked in here for three days.

Look at you, man. You're falling apart.

No, I ain't, man. I'm cool, Tommy.

For real, you know.

I just been sitting here eating crackers.

Just chilling.

Yeah, that sounds a lot better than spending the weekend

making love to your girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend, Tommy!

Ex-girlfriend, man!

Martin, Gina still loves you, man.

I mean, all you have to do is go to her.

She loves you, go to her.

Dammit, Tommy!

I keep hearing you hollering about Gina saying Gina.

When you refer to that woman say that lowlife bitch

who ripped out my heart..

...and put me in her mouth..

..chewed me up, ptooey, and spit me out.

- You remember that, Tommy! - Okay. Hey, hey, Martin.

Hey, hey, come on. Come on! Hold it. Hold it.

Martin, Martin, stop it. Come on, it's Tommy and Cole.

See, there's Cole. See? See? See?

It's us, man. okay?

Come on. Come on. You're a mess. You're a mess.

Look, here. Come on. It's alright.

Clean yourself up, man. You're a mess.

- You're going to be alright. - Oh, Tommy.

What, what?

[crying]

It's alright, it's alright.

Do you know what you just gave me, Tommy?

Yeah, a handkerchief.

No. this was Gina's handkerchief.

One day..

...Gina had a real bad cold..

..and mucus kept coming up.

And Gina didn't want to spit it around the house

so she got this handkerchief

and she went, "Wonk, wonk, wonk."

Right here. Tommy, why?

Why, Tommy, did it have to end?

I loved to date her.

Martin, it won't, man.

Okay, it won't end, okay?

Not if you apologize to her. It won't, okay?

Alright. Okay. Wait. Okay, alright.

Okay, you're right.

I just need to get myself together.

Alright, you take care of yourself, okay?

Alright. Come on, come on.

Alright? Alright?

Alright?

Okay, alright.

- Alright. - Okay, alright.

- Alright. - Alright?

- Okay. - Alright.

[groans]

Okay? Okay?

Uh-huh.

Hey, guys, before you go

please, Marty, give me love.

[sobbing]

Okay, now listen here.

If you need anything, anything at all

- Page us. - Okay. Okay.

Okay, alright.

- Hey, my man. We're here. - Huh? Alright.

Alright.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Alright?

Okay, alright.

- Okay. - Alright.

[upbeat music]

Gina, you already cleaned that spot five times.

I know, Pam, it's either this or go shopping

and my credit cards are to the limit, girlfriend.

Gina, why don't you just get over it.

I don't have a man and you don't see me cleaning.

Pam, you didn't clean when you had a man.

maybe that's why you don't have one now.

Don't you start something you can't finish.

Sorry, Pam. It's just been three days.

And I keep waiting on the phone to ring.

And when it does, it'll just be Martin saying

"Oh, I was just playing.

Now you come over here and you give me my sugar, girl."

And then you'll go running. Ugh.

[sighs] What's wrong with forgiving him

if he says he's sorry?

Because tomorrow you two will be fighting again.

Face it, Gina.

It's like you're silk

and he's...polyester.

When you mix the two

all you get is a bad rash.

Hey, Pam, I know we're different.

but that's what I love about him.

Did you love him when he called your father

a tight bourgie snob?

But my father is a tight bourgie snob.

I call him that myself sometimes.

Now, I shouldn't have said hat I said about his mother.

It's not her fault she has excessive facial hair.

You right about that, 'cause I've seen his grandmother.

Pam, it's been three days.

Count your blessings.

No, I'm going over there. I gotta go talk this out.

You're a fool, Gina.

That's right, Pam, and you're celibate.

[upbeat music]

♪ Why oh why ♪

♪ Did she have to leave and go away ♪

Woo! Oh!

♪ I've been used to having someone to lean on ♪

[knock on door]

♪ And I love ♪

♪ Baby I love holding you ♪

♪ Shoo be do be do ♪♪

Hey.

Hey, baby. Hey, Gina. Excuse me. Sorry.

What's up, baby?

- You look terrible. - No, I'm cool. I'm real cool.

Just been partying, you know?

Partying hard.

[chuckles]

Martin, you haven't left this room in three days.

Oh, yeah, that's 'cause I've been home, girl.

I mean, look, you know, partying.

[chuckles] Oh. Going to party tonight.

[chuckles] I was like, uh-uh.

I was partying.

Martin, I think we should talk.

Uh, okay, well, you all hurry up.

You know, 'cause I'm kind of busy.

So you've got to get back with my party.

So, uh, what you want to talk about?

Um..

[sighs] I shouldn't have said that about your mother.

That's right, Gina.

That was a low blow, and I shouldn't have said it.

I'm also sorry about what I said about your gut.

[laughs] I'm cool, you know.

I been working out, though. I did, like, five sit-ups.

Pagha-pagha-pagha-pagha.

Now, brrrring, washboard.

Feel that. Washboard, girl.

Oh, baby, I'm sorry, too.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Martin, I don't want to fight anymore.

Let's kiss and make up.

Mm. Mm. The melons.

The melons are back.

The melons are back.

Better believe it.

I thought it was really over.

Yeah, baby.

[chuckles] Three days, Gina.

Three whole days, baby.

I know, baby, it felt more like three years.

[chuckles]

What were we even fighting about?

It doesn't matter, baby, okay?

What matters is that we're back together again, alright?

And I'm never, ever gonna let you leave me again, okay?

I mean, especially over something

as little as some damn statue, babe.

I know.

[both chuckle]

Yeah. Where is the statue?

Huh?

Where is it? Where's the statue?

It's not in the box.

'No, that's an empty box, babe.'

My sweater and my bathrobe!

Martin..

What is this?

I wanted to see what our daughter might look like.

Martin!

My statue!

You just threw my stuff in a box

like you were gonna throw it out for garbage?

Look, Gina, alright, I was upset. I was mad.

No, Martin, you're not mad.

You're thoughtless and cruel.

Oh, man, here we go with the big words, Gina.

With the big words.

You know nothing about art, Martin.

Yeah, well, I know that butt looks better in a box

than it does on my coffee table, Gina.

But I gave it to you.

Yeah, but you knew I wouldn't like it.

Yeah, but you should've liked it.

Martin, you need to grow up!

Oh, why do I need to grow up, Gina?

Just because I like to hang out with my partners

instead of going to some bourgie museum?

Huh, just because I like to have fun around my place

and put a damn smile on your face?

No, because you're not in third grade anymore.

You're in a relationship.

And if you making fun of everything about me

that you don't understand then we can't go on.

Yeah, you know what, I'm sorry, Gina, I'm sorry

but most things you like are whack.

Dammit, Martin, you're doing it again.

I can't help it. You're too damn bourgie.

- Don't talk to me like that! - Don't talk to me like that!

You know what, you should check yourself.

- Check yourself, Gina! - Martin, I'm so sick of you.

- Always talking me down. - Don't wanna hear it! Shut up!

[scoffs] Wait. Wait one minute.

This is wrong. You know what?

[scoffs]

Maybe we are too different, Martin.

- 'Yeah. Yeah.' - We argue all the time.

And I'm just very, very, very unhappy right now.

I'm very, very, very unhappy right now, okay?

And I would rather..

...be lonely and unhappy.

I guess we got to do what we got to do.

[scoffs]

[instrumental music]

♪ Too much too little too late ♪

♪ To ever try again ♪

♪ Too much too little too late ♪

♪ Let's end it and be friends ♪

♪ Too much too little too late ♪

♪ We knew it had to end ♪

♪ And it's over ♪

♪ And it's over baby ♪

♪ Too much too little too late ♪

♪ To ever try again ♪

♪ Too much too little too late ♪♪