Original subtitles

My lady..

...wants to move in with me.

No!

Hell, no!

Don't get me wrong. I love my baby, right.

But see, if she moves in with me

she gonna be there my every waking moment.

If I want to watch the game, she's gonna be in my face.

If I wanna talk on the phone, she's gonna be on my ear.

If I want to have sex, she's gonna be on my..

Wait, I got to think about this.

[theme song]

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence, yeah ♪

How y'all feelin'?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence, yeah ♪

He's so crazy.

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence, yeah ♪

How y'all feelin'?

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin Lawrence ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[rattling]

Martin, Martin!

Martin, did you hear that?

- Are-are you asleep? Wake up! - Gina, not again.

You know I need an hour to recharge, babe.

Only an hour?

Now I know you're asleep. You're dreaming.

Martin, honey, please..

What's the matter, Gina?

I-I think I hear something in the living room.

[whimpers]

I don't, Gina. Go back to sleep.

[rustling]

See, Martin? Martin! Did you hear that?

I heard it, Gina, okay?

Now that we both know we don't need hearing aids

go back to sleep!

[rattling]

Martin? Martin, could you see what that is?

Babe, I'll tell you what it is, you probably left

the TV on like you always do, Gina.

Oh. Oh, baby, then go turn it off, okay?

Oh, Gina!

Oh..

Honey, what was it?

A mouse, Gina.

A mouse! A real one?

No, Gina, a cartoon mouse.. Speedy Gonzalez.

Andale! Andale! Andale! Yeehaw!

I'm serious, Martin! Did you catch it?

Gina, when it saw me, it ran under the refrigerator, okay?

Oh, well, we can't stay here, then.

I'm, I'm, I'm just playing, Gina, okay? Alright?

I opened the door, and it ran out. It's gone.

Martin, you're lying.

Look, I can't stay here

if there's a mouse in this apartment.

We got to go to my place.

Gina, it's 2 'o'clock in the morning!

I don't care, Martin, I can't sleep

knowing there's a mouse crawling around.

What if it crawls through the food?

What if it crawls through our clothes?

Martin, you know I sleep with my mouth open.

Gina, I'm not crawling around on the floor

at this hour looking for no damn mouse!

Well, I can't sleep, then.

Will it make you feel better, if we go to your place, Gina?

Would you, honey?

Oh! Alright, we'll go!

But you ain't going to sleep there, either.

I'm telling you. Because I'm up now.

I'm driving clear across town at 2:00 in the morning.

When we get there.. Oh, it's on.

Come on, baby. Come on!

The mouse! The mouse!

[instrumental music]

Martin, I just got through talking to my exterminator.

And as soon as he's finished those setting traps

in the basement, he's gonna be on up here.

You know what, your partner sounds pretty weird.

Are you sure he's an exterminator?

Martin, he may be a little eccentric, okay?

But he's the best in the business.

You see, I use him at my funeral parlor.

See, 'cause when a grieving widow sees a giant rat

scurrying around in an open casket

nine times out of ten, she's gonna want her money back.

Look, Stan, I don't have a rat. I have a mouse.

Alright? One mouse.

Must have left my door open, man, and it got in.

Uh, rats are nothing to be embarrassed about, Martin.

That's how I built this empire of mine.

- On rats, man? - Mm-hmm.

When I was a kid, I used to go down

to old man Henderson's ranch

I used to catch me a bunch of giant field rats

I used to chop them suckers tails off

and sell them to the neighborhood kids as chihuahuas.

You know what, Stan? You amaze me, man.

Every time I think you can't get any lower

you take me to the curb.

Well, let me take you to the gutter

because with the profit I made from them rats

hey, I opened up an extermination business, man.

And, Martin, you know what?

There's only one thing I enjoy more than killing rats.

W-what's that, Stan?

Making love to a grieving widow

after she's seen a ten-pound rat.

Mmm, they go wild, man

and they start climbing all up on you.

Ooh, it give me goosebumps just thinking about it.

- That's cold, Stan. - Yeah.

As cold as their dead husband's toes.

Marty Payne?

Ahem. No. It's Martin, man, not Marty. What's up?

Did you call for an exterminator?

You're an exterminator?

Why else would I dress like this?

Mardi Gras.

Shut up!

Now where's that little mousy at?

Alright. Look, here, man. Alright.

Now here's my address, right?

Here's where you can find me after you're done.

So, Marty Payne..

You're the one with that talk radio show.

Uh-huh.

Then what y'all need to do

is to have a special show on exterminators starring me

because I'm the one that started this business.

I'm the king, I'm the legend.

And I am the founder.

- Have you heard of Rain? - Mm-hmm.

I invented it!

Of course I don't get no credit for it, though.

They gave it to that little exterminator from the south.

You know why they couldn't find Bigfoot?

Because I caught him!

You think anybody gave me an award for that?

They didn't give me nothin'!

They never gave me nothin'!

Well, I'm-I'm sorry to hear that

but don't worry, one day they'll give you

one of those honorary things when you get older.

[laughing]

Shut up. Now, don't make me spray you.

[instrumental music]

Gina, this ain't right, babe.

Look, I keep my apartment clean.

How could a mouse get in there?

Martin, it doesn't mean that your house is dirty.

It just means a mouse got in, there could be

a hundred ways a mouse could get in.

Yeah? Well, name one, Gina.

I can't. You see, I don't have mice.

I don't live in a pigsty like you do.

I'm just kidding! It's just a joke!

Why you got to go there though, Gina?

No, that means that's how you really feel.

You feel I don't keep my place clean.

Baby! Come on, come on, come on. Look, I'll play you something.

It'll get your mind off your mouse problems.

Oh, you're gonna play me something?

- Yes, honey. - A little something soft?

- Little soft, huh? - You go, girl.

Hey, baby, you could put this on your album.

♪ Ben the two of us could look no more.. ♪♪

- Gina, no. no, you, you-- - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No, no, no, baby, I'm serious. I-I-I didn't mean it.

I was just, you were open.

Don't be trying like you're better than me.

Oh, baby.

♪ Three blind mice ♪

♪ In your apartment in your apart.. ♪♪

No, no. You wanna..

[knock on door]

You need not be so sensitive.

Hi. Can I help you?

Child, I don't think so.

Where's that Marty Payne?

Oh, wow. So, so what's up, man?

Um, did you, did you catch the mouse? Are you done?

I'm so done you could stick a fork in me

and it would come out clean.

I'm finished! I'm retired!

I'm going back to England where I will be appreciated!

- Here's your check back! - Oh, man, what happened?

What happened? That little mousy got the devil in him.

That's just what he got! I tried everything..

Traps, bomb and sticky paper,

a .357 magnum, nothing worked!

When I left your house, he was sitting on top

of your refrigerator eating a cheese sandwich, laughing at me!

Listen, save yourself!

Move and run for the border!

I'm no exterminator. What am I supposed to do, man?

I don't know, but I'm looking for a new career myself.

Hey!

Ooh.

You got a nice piano here.

I've always wanted to learn how to play one of these things.

- Do you mind? - No. Help yourself.

If you can get down, get down.

Whatever that..

[piano music]

♪ Wop bop a loo mop a lop bop bop ♪

♪ Tutti frutti au rootti ♪

♪ Tutti frutti au rootti ♪

♪ Woo tutti frutti au rootti ♪

♪ Tutti frutti au rootti ♪

♪ Tutti frutti au rootti ♪

♪ A wop bom a loo mop a lop bam boom! ♪♪

Hey! That's not bad.

That's not bad?

That was excellent!

You just like all the rest of them!

You don't give nobody credit for nothing!

(Martin) She was giving you credit.

So what are you going to do now, Martin?

I don't know, baby.

I don't even wanna think about it, alright?

Maybe I'll just stay here again.

Yeah, stay here again tonight, Martin.

Maybe you don't ever have to go back.

What do you mean, I ain't gotta ever go back?

I pay rent there. That's my apartment.

Well, I've been thinking, honey.

Um, you know, either I'm over there or you're over here.

Wouldn't it be easier if you stayed here..

...permanently?

Martin? Martin?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

I didn't even hear what you were saying, baby.

I-I'm just tripping off this mouse. You know what?

I gotta call Tommy and Cole. We got some exterminating to do.

Look, babe, why don't you cook something to eat.

When I get back, we'll talk about

whatever it is that you were saying.

That I didn't hear, okay?

Chicken.

[instrumental music]

Martin's got about ten more minutes

before he has to kill this mouse by himself.

Alright.

Look at my little freddie-friend.

What's up, Cole? How y'all doing? Look at y'all!

Standing out here looking like a bunch of church ushers.

Come get my tip. How y'all doing?

We are waiting for Martin, Sheneneh.

Damn, Tommy, why you gotta say that with a attitude

like you got a problem with me, Tommy?

I mean, damn, why don't you just barge

into his apartment like you always do?

Oh, my God!

[mumbles]

- Come here, Sheneneh. - What?

- Martin's got a, um.. - I knew you would tell.

What? What? He got a what?

- Well, it's, um.. - What, boy?

[whispering] Shh! Don't tell her.

I know you ain't gonna let no man shush you.

You gotta talk! You gotta speak up!

Stop letting people shush you, Cole.

You-you really wanna know, Sheneneh

we're here to help Martin catch a mouse.

A.. A what?

A mouse.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, Tommy! Not a mouse!

Tommy! Tommy, save me!

You know they're attracted to my perfume!

Tommy! No, Tommy!

- Tommy.. - Get off of me, Sheneneh!

Ooh!

You're so big and strong.

I never knew you was this big and strong, Tommy.

Look at your head looking like a..

[indistinct]

No! Get down! Come on, Sheneneh.

Oh! No! No, Sheneneh!

[Tommy screaming]

(Sheneneh) 'Ohh...Tommy!'

Is that a mouse in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Yo.

Tommy, I don't even want to know, man. Alright?

Cole, why are you wearing those goggles?

'Cause mice, man, they always go for your eyes.

Where did you get that idea?

Why don't you two try picking up up a book sometime?

Read, my brothers, read.

Look, Martin, what do you need us for, man?

Why don't you set a mousetrap and get this over with.

Tommy, this ain't about the mouse, man.

I had to talk to my boys. I got problems, big problems.

She wants me to move in with her.

- Why now? - I don't know, man.

I stayed two nights at Gina's because of this mouse

and now she don't want me to leave.

If you lose your apartment, man

where am I gonna bring Big Shirley

when mom's got company over?

Well, don't look at me, Cole, 'cause my waterbed

ain't big enough for them big girls you go out with.

So if we catch the mouse

then you don't have to move in with Gina?

[sighs] Exactly.

Well, ain't no mouse coming between me and Big Shirley.

Alright.

Hey, man, hold on.

- Everybody watch your eyes. - Alright.

Okay.

- You hear him? - Shh! Listen for him.

- Listen, you hear that, Tommy? - Yeah.

Tommy, cut on the light! He-he-he's in here.

Yo, man! Yo, give me these chips!

Come on! Alright, now look around, see if you see him.

- He may be gone, man. - Hey! He's been over here.

He chewed right through your telephone cord.

- Damn! - Eww!

He been over here, too.

And judging by these little black things

he ain't potty-trained, neither.

I hate mice! Little nasty little things.

Yo! We gonna kill him, man. Alright? This is the plan..

When we catch him, alright, we-we-we're gonna strap him up

right, pull out his whiskers, beat him

and let him hang in the alley as an example to his friends.

Alright? Let's go. Let's find him.

Okay, I'm with that. Let's flush him out.

- Yeah! Let's do that! - Come on.

- Mousy! - Come out, mousy!

- Come out, mousy! - Alright, alright, alright.

This ain't working. You know what, we gotta set some traps.

Okay? Um, um, Cole, get some cheese.

Uh, mozzarella or cheddar?

Mozzarella, Cole.

Why don't you bring him some juice, too?

So, uh..

Martin, you really going to move in with Gina, man?

[sighs] I don't know, man.

Well, whatever you decide to do

man, just make sure that you're sure.

Remember that sister, Doris used I lived with?

Everything was great, man, until we moved in together.

And all of a sudden overnight, she turned into a prison guard.

I mean, I couldn't hang out with my partners for two months

'cause every single night at 10 'o'clock

click, click! It was lockdown, man.

See, y'all should do what I do, man.

See, whenever a woman tries to move in, I say

"Sure, baby, you can move in. You know what?

Moms could use a little help around the house."

So, Cole, are you saying, that to get rid of our women

we should move in with our mothers?

Works for me.

You know what? You don't get it, Cole. I love Gina.

And I'm telling you, I'm going to marry her someday, man.

I just don't, I just don't think we should live together yet.

Well, why not?

Because, Tommy, I mean, we only been together a while.

And I want things to be right, man.

I want to be emotionally straight,

financially straight.

When me and Gina hook up, man, it's for good.

I just want to make sure that all my play time's over, man.

The way you're talking, my brother, it sounds like

you're almost ready to get caught.

Yo! Yo, it's him! Protect your eyes!

- We got him! Yeah! - We got him!

Did we get him? Did we get him?

He got us. He got the cheese!

You know what, we should've used peanut butter. It's sticky.

- It'd have kept him in there. - I never heard that, man.

Read, my brother, read!

You know what, I don't even think

I have any peanut butter.

Well, what you got?

Ugh! Martin, I thought I told you

to get rid of these hot dogs!

Yo, you know what, man, you need to go shopping.

Man, you don't have anything in there.

Ha! Peanut butter! Peanut butter!

Ohh! Oh..

(Martin) Don't move. You'll scare him.

Don't, don't, don't worry. I-I can't move.

Okay, guys, okay, here we go, on the count of three, alright?

- One.. - One..

- Two.. - Two..

Three!

[screaming]

Get off of me!

- I.. - Aah! I touched someone!

I got the rabies now, man!

[indistinct shouting]

Don't stomp him on the rug. D-don't stomp.

Alright, got him. Yeah, baby.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Cole.. - Huh?

- Don't move. - What's up?

It's in your pocket.

Oh, get it! Get it out, Martin!

Be a man! Be a man, Cole!

If you panic, he gonna bite you. Now, hush!

I got him. Hold still, alright?

- Okay. - Alright.

Bam!

Alright. Whoa.

Cole, I'm sorry I had to kick you in your ass, man.

Just turn your foot sideways next time, alright?

- Hey, y'all, where'd he go? - I don't care where it is, man.

Y'all are kicking and punching me, mam, I'm outty!

Fine. You acting like a little girl. You gonna leave, leave.

Yo! Why I got to be all that, man? Come on.

I was here, right? I was helping you. Come on!

- Cole! - No, Martin.

After what you said, I'm leaving, man.

No! Cole, Cole, don't you go anywhere, huh.

[chuckles] Oh, now y'all are on me, right?

No, we not the ones on you, Cole.

- Cole, alright, now, look.. - What?

Alright, you-you'll thank us for this later, alright?

- Give me your hat. - No!

- Give me your hat! - No.

[grunting]

- Alright, I got him! - Yeah! Got him now!

Yeah, you was down with Gina, now I got you!

That's what we was talking about, huh?

Martin, what are we going to do to him now?

Yo! Get my bat out the closet.

- I'mma beat him like a pinata. - No, no!

Martin, let-let's just make this as painless as possible.

- Alright? - Good.

I'mma put him in the microwave, I'mma blow him up!

- No! - Hey, hey, hey! No, Martin.

Look, if I was gonna go out, man

I'd wanna go out with a thrill.

Okay, Cole. W-w-what's your idea?

I got this bottle rocket, right?

We tie it to him, we light it a-a-and for five seconds, right

the mouse'll think he was flying, he'll be living large,

then all of a sudden.. Bam!

- Out. - No. I don't know about this.

Come on, gimme the mouse! Martin, give it here!

- Give it here. No! - Tommy, don't--

Wait a minute, now, maybe we shouldn't do this, okay?

Oh...look at him.

Look. Just..

He kind of reminds me of this pet I used to have once, man.

- Sweet little mousy! - Oh, look at his innocent eyes!

- Look.. - Martin, look, innocent eyes.

[imitating Cole] "Little innocent eyes."

His eyes are pink, Cole. He look like a damn alcoholic!

Man, he's probably got a family.

Well, I hope he's got a will. 'Cause I'mma take daddy up..

No, no, no, no, Martin! Come on! No!

No, Martin. Look, this is a living creature, just like us.

It's a mouse, Tommy!

We've got to let him go, man.

Look, God created all creatures

both great and small.

This mouse has as much right to live as you and I

and we don't have the right to take that from him, man.

- Amen, brother. - Yeah.

See, Martin just tried to turn us into killers..

...just like Charles Manson.

You lucky y'all my boys, alright?

Get him out, get him out of my apartment!

And tell him, I swear, if I catch him

in here again, I'mma kill him! Now get him out!

You hear that, little mousy. Ah, you go free.

Go out into the world, okay?

Go out into the world, huh.

Be free. Be free.

Be free!

[cat snarling]

Be free!

[instrumental music]

- Martin. - Hmm?

Martin, baby, the mouse is back.

No, it's not.

Then what's that noise, Martin?

That's me. Ha-ha-ha!

Yeah. I knew you was up, girl!

I was not up, Martin. You woke me up.

Mm-hmm. That's right.

Martin. Martin, you know what? I'm glad you're awake.

Baby, baby, I'm glad you're awake

because there's something we need to talk about.

What we need to talk about, dear?

- We.. - Mm.

- Martin.. - Mm.

- Moving.. - Mm.

- Mov.. - Mm.

- Moving in together. - Aah!

Martin.

'Martin!'

Martin, get off me!

I hate you! Wake up!

[instrumental music]

♪ Tutti frutti au rootti ♪

♪ A wop bop a loo mop a lop bam boom ♪

♪ I got a gal named Sue ♪

♪ She knows just what to do ♪

Come on, now!

♪ I got a gal named Sue ♪

♪ She knows just what to do ♪

♪ She rock to the east ♪

♪ She rock to the west ♪

♪ She's the girl that I love best ♪

♪ Tutti frutti au rootti.. ♪♪