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1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,962
I was thinking last night
about my lady.
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,672
And how much I loved her.
3
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:08,633
And I came to the realization
4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:12,303
that my affection
for this woman is so strong
5
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:15,765
that if necessary,
I would die for her.
6
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,642
Swim any ocean..
7
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,310
...climb any mountain
8
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,688
all for the love of this woman.
9
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,691
But I will not..
10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,818
...and I repeat..
11
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,529
...I will not let
her eat off my plate.
12
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,118
So, babe,
if you ever try it again..
13
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,246
...somebody could get hurt.
14
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,583
I love you.
15
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:44,586
[theme song]
16
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,758
♪ Martin ♪
17
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,843
♪ Martin ♪
18
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,637
♪ Martin Lawrence yeah ♪
19
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:55,764
How y'all been?
20
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,891
♪ Martin ♪
21
00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,934
♪ Martin ♪
22
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:03,021
♪ Martin Lawrence yeah ♪
23
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,190
He's so crazy!
24
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:13,656
♪ Martin ♪
25
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:17,702
♪ Martin Lawrence yeah ♪
26
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:18,745
How y'all been?
27
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,830
♪ Martin ♪
28
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,874
♪ Martin ♪
29
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,377
♪ Martin Lawrence ♪♪
30
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,466
[instrumental music]
31
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,263
♪ What a beautiful day
in this morning ♪
32
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:40,225
♪ What a beautiful day
in this morning ♪
33
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,559
♪ What a beautiful.. ♪♪
34
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,394
[cutlery clanks]
35
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,187
Where is the spoon?
36
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,482
Ah..
37
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:48,733
Hmm, something smells good.
38
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,777
- Baby, what are you doin'?
- Ha-ha.
39
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,780
Cookin' for my baby.
Ha-haa.
40
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,824
So, you can't leave for work,
baby. You know why?
41
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:59,911
'Cause I made you breakfast.
Scrambled eggs, hash browns.
42
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,246
And waffles.
43
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,124
Martin, are you cheatin' on me?
44
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,420
No, Gina! I just wanna do
a little somethin'
45
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,754
somethin' for you, girl.
46
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,548
- Oh, alright.
- Now, you sit down here.
47
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:14,426
- Okay.
- Lookin' all good.
48
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,177
- You cheatin' on me?
- Shut up.
49
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,637
Alright, alright. Alright.
50
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,389
Alright, now, watch yourself,
this is chic.
51
00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:21,016
- What're you doin'?
- Oh..
52
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,392
[chuckles]
53
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,648
Oh, baby, Hungry King breakfast
54
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,775
and you heated it up
all by yourself.
55
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,610
Ha-hah.
56
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,571
That's right,
and, it wasn't easy bake
57
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,781
'cause you gotta turn it
every two minutes.
58
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:41,828
- You are quiet the cook.
- If you like that..
59
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,289
Check out the Tang!
60
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,167
Made it from scratch.
Creek water.
61
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,420
- Ha-ha. I'm just playin'.
- Ha-ha-ha.
62
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,464
- Morning. Morning.
- Morning. Morning.
63
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,133
I'm tryin' to cook for my baby,
excuse us?
64
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,801
Oh, something's smellin'
good up in here.
65
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,971
Just like mom's cookin'.
Wait, wait a minute.
66
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,973
Is that Hungry King breakfast?
67
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,184
Yes, you know I tried
cookin' that once, man
68
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,727
but I could not
get it taste like mom's.
69
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:08,730
How-how do get them ice chunks
out the middle?
70
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:13,068
Oh, man. You gotta turn it
every two minutes.
71
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,488
Oh. I-I thought they meant,
turn the microwave.
72
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,868
Ah-ha. Right,
I'm not that stupid. Ha-ha.
73
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,828
Yeah, you're-you're right, Cole.
You're not that stupid.
74
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,497
You just pathetic.
75
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,332
Tell 'em what all happened
at your house last night.
76
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,750
Oh, yo, check..
77
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,337
- I can't right now.
- 'Why not?'
78
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,676
Oh... oh, oh, I get it.
79
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:40,345
It's a man thing.
It's a man thing.
80
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,513
That's alright.
81
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,139
I'm late for work, anyway.
Mwah.
82
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,433
Bye, baby. I'll see you later.
Oh, thanks for breakfast.
83
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,685
- It was delicious.
- 'Ha-ha.'
84
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,478
- Did you like that?
- I like that.
85
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,688
Well, if you like that,
wait till you see
86
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,356
what I'm makin' tonight, girl.
87
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,817
- What's that?
- Budget gourmet.
88
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,196
Mm-mm, good.
See you later.
89
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,533
[chuckling]
Bye. Yay, come on, man.
Sit down here. What's up?
90
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,909
Your mother goin' through
your mail again?
91
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,537
Psh, nah, man.
It's worst this time, Martin.
92
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:09,124
Last night, right?
I had this little honey over.
93
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,834
Shirley, from airport security.
94
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:11,876
(Martin)
'Ah-uh.'
95
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,422
We was all alone
in my room, man.
96
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,675
I was on third base.
About to bring it on home.
97
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:21,553
When all of a sudden, mom kicks
the door, man. Boom, bam!
98
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,179
Cole! You two weeks
behind on your rent
99
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,640
and got the nerve to have
a guest over here?
100
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,643
Oh, man.
101
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,563
She could've waited two more
minutes, you'd be finished.
102
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,403
Oh, it-it gets much better.
103
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,696
Tell him what you did next,
Cole, go on.
104
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,574
Oh-oh, so-so, I told her,
"Get out!"
105
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:46,286
- Your moms?
- Hmm, n-no, Shirley.
106
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,038
- Oh, oh-oh, Cole.
- No, no.
107
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,248
I mean, it's cool.
It's cool, Shirley understood.
108
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,958
She got kids my age.
109
00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:57,922
Cole, man, listen.
That's not the point, man.
110
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,425
You gotta stop letting
your mother punk you, man!
111
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,968
Every week,
it's somethin' different.
112
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,637
She goes through your wallets.
She-she she's wearing your hats.
113
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,682
Man, look, you gotta
stand up to your mother.
114
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,309
Well, well, Martin,
what am I supposed to do?
115
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,477
I'm supposed to
cuss my moms out?
116
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,811
No, you'll lose that fight, too.
117
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,897
Your momma got a mouth
like Dice Clay.
118
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,777
Be a man.
Stand up to her, man.
119
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,779
Well, I don't think
I know how to do that.
120
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,031
Tch, man, it's cool. Sit down
here, I'll show you, alright?
121
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,741
Sit down, alright?
Now, look. Um-um..
122
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,951
Tommy, you be uh, Cole's mother.
123
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,287
- I'mma be Cole.
- Oh, who would I play?
124
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,623
You play nobody.
Take notes, okay?
125
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,625
Now, what we gonna do
is re-enact the scene
126
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,251
from last night between
you and your mother.
127
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,920
And, show you
what you did wrong.
128
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,297
Alright, now remember,
we're in your bedroom.
129
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,257
Tommy is your mother.
And, I'm you.
130
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,801
Alright? Ready?
131
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,969
- Right? Alright.
- Let's go.
132
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,390
Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, oh.. Oh..
133
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,558
Oh.. Come on, Shirley.
134
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:54,104
Ju-ju-just a peak.
I've never seen one before.
135
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,650
[humming]
136
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,402
Wait.
137
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,487
Cole's door is closed.
138
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,990
Oh, wait a minute,
that must mean..
139
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,201
Eh! Cole!
140
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,577
What is goin' on in here?
141
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,287
You are two weeks
behind on your rent
142
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:15,834
and you have got the nerve
to have some guest in here.
143
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,168
Unh-unh, honey.
144
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,838
Uh-uh, Shirley, it's my moms.
145
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,506
Take the paper bag
off your head.
146
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,426
Uh, wait for me in the hall,
Shirley.
147
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,177
I got some business
to attend to, yeah!
148
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,847
Yeah, yeah.
And, Shirley, before you go..
149
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,598
[mouthing]
I love you. Ha-ha.
150
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:35,687
Now, uh, moms. Yeah.
151
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,188
Shut up and listen!
152
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,816
See. What-what,
what did you say?
153
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,026
- Um, no.
- What, did..
154
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,318
Excuse me,
did you say somethin'?
155
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,653
- Mm, um..
- Oh, I-I-I..
156
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,572
I ain't think you were
talkin' back! Uh..
157
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,366
Now, uh, yeah, yeah.
See, I'm a man, right?
158
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:49,659
With a man's needs.
159
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,411
And, what I need right now,
alright?
160
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,830
Is a big-boned security officer
named Shirley.
161
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,415
- What-what-what?
- Huh..
162
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,002
Cole, what has come over you?
163
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,713
For the first time you're not
talkin' to me like a chump!
164
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,215
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
that's 'cause I'm a man.
165
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,134
No-now, get out there
and make me a sandwich.
166
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,720
Ha-ha, yeah, yeah. What,
you still here? I said, out!
167
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,597
I'll go, okay.
I'm-I'm sorry, Cole.
168
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,848
It'll never happen again.
169
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,059
- And, stay out!
- Yes, ma'am. Hm.
170
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,603
See, Cole.
171
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,229
- That's all there is to it.
- Yeah, man.
172
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,816
Yeah. I mean, y'all
173
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,401
y'all really think
I could do that, huh?
174
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,861
Cole, you're payin' rent, man.
175
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,614
Have some backbone. Be a man!
176
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,407
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know somethin'?
177
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,825
You right, man. You right.
178
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,452
I mean, I should have did this
a long time ago.
179
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,661
- Yeah.
- I mean, yo.
180
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,580
Who does moms think
she is, huh?
181
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,624
I make my bed,
I brush my teeth.
182
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,793
I even wash behind my ears.
183
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,545
She gots to stop treatin' me
like a child.
184
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,422
Yeah, hey, thanks man.
185
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,715
- Thanks, Martin. Thanks, man.
- Hey.
186
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,258
- That's how we partners, see?
- Right.
187
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,594
And-and, Martin,
just for the record, right?
188
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,097
Shirley did not have a paper bag
over her head.
189
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,390
It was a ride helmet.
190
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:56,601
[instrumental music]
191
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,357
This is the insane
Martin Payne, I'm outta here.
192
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,608
See ya!
193
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,613
Martin..
194
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,615
Look at these
phone messages, man.
195
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,450
Please stop making
personal calls
196
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,661
it's costing me a fortune.
197
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,913
Stan, these are
incoming calls, man.
198
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,540
They don't cost you any money.
199
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,750
But it ain't makin' me
any money, either.
200
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,211
And who is this Cole, anyway?
201
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:27,090
He calls here most times
than my girlfriend's husband.
202
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,800
Look, since you must know
203
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,885
he's a friend that's having
trouble with his mother, man.
204
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,430
Oh, yeah? Well, he ought to do
what I did.
205
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,973
What's that, Stan?
206
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:39,519
Martin, my mother used to run me
ragged with her stupid rules.
207
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,980
"Please don't steal from me."
208
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:46,735
"Don't take my heart medicine."
209
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:50,488
Nag, nag, nag.
210
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,575
I told her,
that I maybe in high school now.
211
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,493
But in 30 years,
I'm gonna be the one
212
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,829
to pick out your nursing home.
213
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,582
So, you treat me right,
and it'll be Shady Acres.
214
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,542
If not,
you'll be pickin' up cans
215
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,253
out there on the side
of the highway.
216
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:10,008
Man, it changed her attitude,
and it changed my life.
217
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,011
And what happened
to your mother, man?
218
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,180
Oh, she's doing great.
I waved to her the other day
219
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,599
as I was driving by
on the highway.
220
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:23,063
I even threw her a few cans.
221
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,857
Well, you're a sweet,
great son, Stan.
222
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,734
Yeah, that's what she said.
223
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,319
At least, I think
that's what she said..
224
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,237
I had the window up.
225
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,240
[instrumental music]
226
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,330
Ah!
227
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,541
Ah, where are you, girl?
228
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,543
I think I.. Gina.
229
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:46,795
Ah!
230
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,506
Don't be so static, girl.
231
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,383
Let me show you
what's happening.
232
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,801
I want you out, baby.
233
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,720
You can't litter my house
by my rules!
234
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,724
So, things got to change.
235
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,728
♪ Gina ♪
236
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:07,649
♪ Come out and play-ay ♪♪
237
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,070
Ah-ah!
238
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,992
[both scream]
239
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,369
- Ah!
- Ah! Hey!
240
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,372
[screaming]
241
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:29,754
Alright! You won.
Ah! You won. You won!
242
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,339
'You won! Give it up!'
243
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,299
[laughing]
244
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,302
[screaming]
245
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,688
Wait, you won, you won!
246
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,106
I want you to say
I'm the woman.
247
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,607
- You're the woman.
- Wasn't loud enough.
248
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,775
You-you are the woman!
249
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,652
[banging on door]
250
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,280
- Yeah!
- The door.
251
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,157
[panting]
252
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,119
What y'all doin?
253
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,288
Oh, no, we was, um, trying these
out for my little nephew.
254
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,998
- Right. Yeah.
- But, these'll work. These..
255
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,250
So, go ahead. Wrap those.
Yeah, alright.
256
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,966
So, what's up, partner?
What bring you here, man?
257
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,676
What's up, man? I just stopped
by to tell you that
258
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,636
I stood up to my moms
and I feel great.
259
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,221
- Alright. Yeah.
- Good for you, Cole.
260
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,474
Yeah.
Yeah, Shirley was over and
261
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,725
moms busted in again.
262
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,143
Alright, what did she say?
263
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,644
Well, I told her
what you told me to say
264
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,645
I said, "Yeah, yeah yeah."
265
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,272
I said, "Look at here, moms!
266
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,194
"Don't be bustin' up in my room
bustin' my groove.
267
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,154
"You understand what I'm saying?
Now, get out.
268
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,781
And make me and Shirley
a sandwich."
269
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,367
Tell me you did not say that
to your mother.
270
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,077
That's what you told me to say.
271
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,789
Cole, we was just
playing with you, man.
272
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,957
- Did you apologize?
- Well, nah, I couldn't.
273
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:51,086
'Cause right after that, she
kicked my butt out of the house.
274
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,671
- Ah. Sorry.
- Sorry, Cole.
275
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,006
Well, that's cool, I mean,
you know, it's alright.
276
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,216
'Cause-'cause
I got my self respect.
277
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,926
- 'Right.'
- And, I owe it all to you, man.
278
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,928
- I owe it all to you, man.
- Alright, man, peace.
279
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,638
- Well, at least..
- Well, the boy got his respect.
280
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:02,847
I mean..
281
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:07,268
So, where do I sleep?
282
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,271
[instrumental music]
283
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,318
[instrumental music]
284
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,407
[dramatic music on TV]
285
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,080
[clears throat]
286
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,458
Eh, ah, ssh, man..
287
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,044
Sorry.
288
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,380
[slurping]
289
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,509
- Shh!
- Sorry.
290
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,431
(man on TV #1)
'I have gathered
you all here today'
291
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,725
'because I have found
the killer'
292
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,768
'of Lord Barrington.'
293
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,479
'It is someone in this room..'
294
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:57,444
'And, that someone is
none other than..'
295
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,571
- Yo, go back, Cole.
- I'm sorry, man.
296
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,239
I thought it was the volume.
297
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,450
(man on TV #2)
'Just $9.95, but,
wait, there's more.'
298
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,410
That is the volume, man!
299
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,078
[dramatic music on TV]
300
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,414
- Oh.
- Look, it's over.
301
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,083
Sorry.
302
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,962
Martin, we just watched
two hours of that for nothing.
303
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:19,007
I'm sorry, Gina, but I knew
who the killer was anyway.
304
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:22,302
It was the maid.
I've seen it before.
305
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:24,012
Cole, what do you mean,
"It was the maid?"
306
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,264
There wasn't a maid,
through the whole movie, man.
307
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,060
Maybe,
I'm thinking of the Jefferson's.
308
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,396
Martin, you want
some chocolate milk?
309
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,607
- No, thank you, babe.
- I'll take one, Gina.
310
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,111
Babe, hurry up, back, alright?
311
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,197
'Cause you're favorite movie
gettin' ready to come on.
312
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:46,451
Well, not tonight, it's not.
We watching "King Beef", man.
313
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,994
Hold, hold. Didn't you just
make us watch
314
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,121
the "King Beef" movie,
last night?
315
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,040
Yeah, but it's "King Beef" week.
316
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,087
Dr. King Beef, Godzilla has
burned half the countryside.
317
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,464
We must flee. We must flee.
318
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,175
Yes. You are so right.
319
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,344
We must flee to America..
320
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:09,015
...before Godzilla
gets to the airport.
321
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,975
But, first..
322
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,018
I must dance!
323
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,269
[girls cheer]
324
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,313
(all)
Go King Beef! Go King Beef!
325
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,273
(all)
Go Beef! Go Beef!
326
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,068
(all)
Go KB! Go KB! Go! Go!
327
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,569
Here's your milk, Cole.
328
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:24,322
Unh-unh-unh-unh, girl,
you know I like mine darker.
329
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,368
Martin, could I see you in the
bedroom for a minute, please?
330
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,994
- Sure, babe.
- Ah-ha-ha.
331
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,496
Yo, man, we'll be back.
332
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,165
Alright. Hey, Gina,
toss me some chips on the way.
333
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,042
No, Cole.
There are no more chips.
334
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,086
And there aren't
any more cookies, either.
335
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,254
Well, don't you think
you need to
336
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,964
put that on a grocery list then?
337
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,382
[chuckles]
338
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,843
Martin, I wanna see you
in the other room, now!
339
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,386
Oh..
340
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,972
Oh, I know why she wants to see
you in the other room.
341
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,558
Oh, but don't worry,
I ain't gonna listen.
342
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:54,185
Just like I ain't listenin'
last night.
343
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,272
Grab my ears..
344
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,441
"What's my name?
What's my name?"
345
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:01,860
Ah!
346
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,195
[moans]
Ah!
347
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,739
He was listening to me!
348
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,366
I know, babe. Just calm down,
alright? Calm down.
349
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,993
Martin,
he's been here four days
350
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,536
I can't stand another minute
of this.
351
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,913
Gina, you're tellin' me,
the whole place smells like
352
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:15,415
feet and corn chips.
353
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:19,544
Martin.. Last night, I heard him
clipping his toenails
354
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,712
at 3 o'clock in the morning.
355
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,339
Gina, he does that every night.
356
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,175
I know.
How many toes does he have?
357
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,926
Look, babe,
that doesn't bother me as bad as
358
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,470
every morning at 9 A.M.
359
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,513
you hear the shower going
and him singing..
360
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:31,806
♪ At the Copa ♪
361
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,351
♪ Copa Cabana ♪♪
362
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:37,562
Martin, no look, Martin, we have
got to get him out of here!
363
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,190
Alright, um, look,
we gotta come up with a plan.
364
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,526
You know what?
We can always starve him out.
365
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,779
No, babe. Listen, this could
work, look, we take all the food
366
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,073
out of refrigerator, right,
we hide in the bedroom.
367
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,407
Ah, a couple weeks go by
368
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,701
ah, we hear a body
drop from starvation
369
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:52,952
we push him into the hallway
370
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,413
and then we move on
with our lives.
371
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,625
Martin, why can't you just tell
him to get out?
372
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,585
Gina, because I can't.
373
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,630
- It's my fault this happened.
- Why is it your fault?
374
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,049
Because, I told Cole to stand up
to his mother.
375
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:07,425
Alright? He took it too far.
376
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,053
And now he has no place
to stay, babe.
377
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,347
[sighs]
The boy's homeless.
378
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:15,183
Just like Blind Willie
and his bald-head cat.
379
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,854
Look-look, let's just, let's
just go to your place, alright?
380
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,815
That's not gonna solve
anything, Martin.
381
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,441
Yeah, you're right.
He'll just find us there.
382
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:26,695
Hmm. Martin,
I just wanna get away from him
383
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,405
for a little while, that's all.
384
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,449
Okay, okay, look, hey..
Let's go to a movie, alright?
385
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,785
It'll get out minds off him
for a couple hours, okay?
386
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,121
- Just the two of us?
- Just the two of us.
387
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,832
- No Cole?
- No Cole.
388
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:43,044
(Cole)
'When y'all two are done,
you wanna play some cards?'
389
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,755
[instrumental music]
390
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,592
[laughing]
391
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:50,802
- Babe?
- What?
392
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:53,722
I feel so much better now,
I'm glad we got out!
393
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,557
- Me too. Yeah.
- Yeah?
394
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,101
Man, you know,
Cole did us a good thing.
395
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,061
He got us out the house,
together.
396
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,479
- We went to the movies.
- Hmm-hmm.
397
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,606
And, I got to see Robin Givens
in her panties.
398
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,025
- Oh, you like that, huh?
- Ha-ha.
399
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,568
- You like that? Huh?
- Ha-ha.
400
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,361
- What?
- What? Nah, I like you better.
401
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,613
Mwah. We gotta be quiet,
'cause Cole's probably asleep.
402
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,240
You don't wanna
make a little noise?
403
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,118
- Just open the door.
- Hey, babe, sleep here tonight?
404
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,911
- Okay.
- Okay.
405
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:19,122
[instrumental music]
406
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,500
What the hell is goin' on
in here?
407
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,169
Hey, hey!
The stripper's here.
408
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,880
- The stripper's here.
- The stripper's here.
409
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,466
Kill that noise, alright? There
ain't no stripper here, alright?
410
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:30,675
[glass shatters]
411
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,427
[all laughing]
412
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,803
Martin, you take care of this.
413
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,181
- I'm gonna find Cole, alright?
- Alright, bae.
414
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,349
- Yo, where's Cole?
- Excuse me.
415
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,850
Hey, that brother's
in the bathroom
416
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,186
with Shirley from security!
417
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,771
Let me ask you a question, man.
418
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,190
Do you put your feet up on your
mother's table at home?
419
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,691
- As a matter of fact, I do.
- Alright.
420
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,693
Well, you ain't at home,
so get your feet up off.
421
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:51,196
Hey, man, who are you?
This is Cole's crib!
422
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,448
Hey, what.. Hey, man,
what're you all, hey!
423
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,868
This is an antique. Yo, what're
you, y'all like kids, man!
424
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:57,869
Damn, this--
425
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,120
[shatters]
426
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,622
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
427
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,500
Hey, why you gotta
break Cole's vase?
428
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,295
Can't we all just get along?
429
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,677
You better leave before I call
the cops on you, alright?
430
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,053
Later! Get out! Let's go!
431
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,513
Out! Yo, man! Come on.
432
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,139
- Out, alright?
- 'I filled it up with beer.'
433
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:20,350
- 'Y'all ready?'
- Hey, out, man!
434
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,894
Yo, let's go, partner!
Out! Out!
435
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:25,897
Hey, man, do you mind,
if I videotape the stripper?
436
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,482
What? You-you..
437
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,901
You don't get it, do you?
Let's go, out. Let's go, out.
438
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,236
- Out, out.
- Yeah, alright.
439
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:32,904
We're not paying
for the stripper.
440
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:36,157
- What're we gonna do then?
- 'They almost stand by 7/11.'
441
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,868
Babe, look at this.
This, this..
442
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,161
Look at your..
443
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:45,250
Listen, I said, everybody out.
444
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,421
I said,
"Everybody, get out!"
445
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,591
Man, if I gotta go off on,
hey, hey!
446
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,260
Partner!
447
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:58,680
You want beer?
448
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,976
And, stay out, man!
449
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,436
I'm not lying.
I'm not lying.
450
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:07,147
I mean, I lie to women
can't get away with time
451
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,898
but on you baby, ah-ha-ha.
452
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,277
Where's everybody?
Where'd everybody go?
453
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,154
Well, you get ready to go!
454
00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,822
Le-let's go Big Shirley, out!
455
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,574
Le.. Come on!
456
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:20,118
Let's go!
457
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,954
Go get a sandwich, Shirley.
Let's go, out!
458
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,622
Look, Martin, man,
I can explain. Alright?
459
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,332
I can explain, I thought
you were staying at Gina's--
460
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,793
Is that supposed to
make me feel better?
461
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,629
Yo, Cole, you got a lot of
growing up to do, man, alright?
462
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,132
You know what, I see why
your mother threw you out, man.
463
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,800
Yo, you're a free loadin'
pain in the ass.
464
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,886
And I'm only telling you that
because I love you.
465
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,137
Wait-wait a minute,
where do you come off
466
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,472
talking to me like that, man?
467
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,349
Hey, yo, Cole,
this is my house, alright?
468
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,892
I say what I want in my house.
469
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:46,895
You get your own place.
You say what you want, alright?
470
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,814
[chuckles]
You know, you sound
just like my mama.
471
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,358
You-you don't get it, do you?
472
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,485
You-you just don't get it, man.
473
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:55,737
[sighs]
474
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,449
What should I do?
475
00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:01,618
You have to figure it out
for yourself, Cole.
476
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,458
- Moms, what you doin' here?
- I called her.
477
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:12,003
I think you two have
some things to discuss. Martin.
478
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,840
Well, hurry up and apologize.
479
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,926
I'm parked
in the handicap spot.
480
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,098
Alright, look, moms..
481
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,933
I'm sorry.
482
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,559
I'm sorry, I-I talked to you
483
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,478
like that the other night,
I was wrong.
484
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,647
I mean, you were right,
if I live in your house
485
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,940
I gotta live by your rules.
486
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,483
That's right.
487
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:34,693
You know, I thought
it would be different
488
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,861
when I moved in here
with Martin.
489
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,405
But I see it's not.
490
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,781
I mean, you live with
someone else
491
00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,241
they call the shots.
492
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,867
So, what do you wanna do?
493
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,578
I'm 26 years old, mom,
and I live at home.
494
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,083
I think it's about time that
I just move out on my own.
495
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,626
Get my own place.
496
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,504
Live by my own rules.
497
00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:56,297
And call my own shots.
498
00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,175
Cole, you're a man.
499
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,844
You know what you gotta do.
500
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,263
But until you find
your own place
501
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:04,806
you know where home is.
502
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,727
- Thanks, mama.
- Ha.
503
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:14,441
But you know what?
I sure am glad that you're gonna
504
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,735
stay with me until you
find your own place.
505
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:19,654
Because
Martin keep a nasty house.
506
00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:21,781
I know Edna didn't raise him
like this.
507
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,575
Now, I want you to
leave your stuff here
508
00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:26,661
till we have time to shake
everything out.
509
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,747
'Cause I think the boy got
roaches.
510
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,467
Oh, finally, they're gone.
Finally!
511
00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:43,094
Oh. Look at the vase, babe!
512
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:45,722
Oh, the place is a mess, Martin.
513
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:48,433
- It's our mess alone, huh?
- Yes.
514
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:51,269
Look here. Wake me up when you
finish cleaning, okay?
515
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,104
Oh, no, you will not try this.
516
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:54,397
- What?
- Oh, no--
517
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:56,274
Excuse me..
518
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:59,486
Uh, is this apartment number 42?
519
00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:01,654
- Yes.
- Great.
520
00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:03,365
I'm the stripper you ordered.
521
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:07,035
I don't normally do this
for couples, but..
522
00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:09,913
Hey, whatever turns you on.
523
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:12,916
[upbeat music on stereo]
524
00:22:16,086 --> 00:22:19,005
[instrumental music]
38381
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