Original subtitles

I remember the first time

I stood up to a bully.

It was in the sixth grade, you know.

And I got my butt kicked.

It all started when this jackass kept taking my lunch money.

But this time, I was determined to get it back.

So, one day, right in the middle of this assembly

I walked right up

and I said

"Cassandra!

I ain't taking this no more."

But then I remembered what my mama told me

about fighting girls.

Bob, jab, weave.

Bob, jab, weave.

I went into this blind rage.

Two hours later, I woke up in the nurse's office

with a slice of baloney, on my eye.

My friends me there were only two hits

she hit me

then she hit me again.

[sighing] I'll never forget that day, but you know

I've grown up since then.

So, Cassandra, if you're listening

I wanna rematch.

[theme music]

♪ Funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ Lord it's so so ♪

♪ How y'all been? ♪

♪ Funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ Lord he's so ♪

♪ He's so crazy ♪

♪ Funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ Lord it's so so ♪

♪ How y'all been? ♪

♪ Funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ It's funky ♪

♪ Lord it's.. ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hey, Martin, after this promotion

and you become the number one D.J.

you'll finally get rid of those hot dogs?

Yo, man, after I'm the number one D.J.,

I ain't gonna be spending my money all crazy.

And it ain't no wrong with those hot dogs

they just got a little mold on 'em.

Martin, how did you get kid on the show, man?

Because I am the man.

A little somethin'-something..

Phone call here, phone call there. Here now.

The record company set it up, didn't they?

But I'm the one who hooked the "Win a date with Kiddo."

Yo, man, this could put me on the map.

If this goes well, every celebrity

will want to be on my show. Right?

And I'll become the most popular

interviewer in the world.

Then it's just a matter of time

before I've got Arsenio's job.

Yeah, I got dreams, too. Big dreams.

You know, moms ain't going to live forever, right?

And one day I'm gonna get that room with the window.

[knock on door]

Well, Cole, that may be happening soon

because your mother's so old

she co-wrote one of the 10 commandments.

- Hey, girl. - Hi.

Look at you looking all good, girl. So, whazzup?

We were on our way to dinner, but Pam wanted to come over

to ask you something. Hurry up. We're gonna be late.

- She gotta ask me? - Okay, okay.

Is it true that Kid 'n Play is gonna be

on your show tomorrow?

Uh, Kid, not play. Play's in New York.

So, what's up, girl, is everybody talking about

my promotion thing in the street? Whazzup?

No. Gina told me.

So, uh, how do I win this date, Martin?

Well, you'll just have to listen to my show

and I'll explain the rules. It's how it is. Okay?

I mean, it's a rule thing. Don't get mad.

Come on, girl, let's go. Bye, baby. See ya.

Okay, so tonight, dinner with Gina.

Tomorrow, dinner with Kid.

Hey, Pam, hey, Pam, come on.

I mean, why you want a kid, huh

when you got a..

...a man right here?

I mean, I'm talking about a man

whose mom's going to be out shopping

from 8:15 to 9:30. Okay?

I mean, now just don't wear no perfume

'cause, you know, moms get real upset

if she'd know I had a little freak over.

You know what I'm saying?

Why? She ain't upset 'cause she had a freak for a son.

Find it. Pick it up. There you go.

[laughing]

Aah.

So if it isn't Miss bourgeoise

gettin' thrown out of her man's apartment again.

Oh, my goodness.

Wha-What'd you say?

I know you did. What?

Oh, okay. Alright.

- Sheneneh. - What?

Why do you have to start a fight

with everybody who walks down this hallway? Why?

Yes, why don't you try acting like a lady, sometimes?

Whoa, whoa, let me tell you something, alright?

I don't need to act like no lady, alright?

I, I am a lady, and I'll prove it.

I'm busting your head right now, huh. Huh?

Pam, let's just not even worry about her.

- Let's go, alright. - Yeah. Do that. Thank you.

Whiplash!

He's here! He's here!

- He's here! - He's here.

Shawn, shut up!

Now! Everybody!

Take your places. Take your places.

And get ready to kiss some serious butt.

Hi, everybody, uh, I'm Kid.

W-which one of you brothers is Martin?

Come on, Kid. Man, stop fronting. I'm Martin, man.

I met you in Atlanta at the Black radio convention.

That's me, man.

I came up to you and you said you're gonna

call me and stuff, you know.

Oh, that..

I must have lost your number, man.

You know how it is ripping and running around.

Yeah, okay, okay.

Uh, get away.

Kid, I'm Stan

the entrepreneur who built this radio station

from the ground up.

Now all I wanna know is anything I can get you?

Oh, you got any bottled water?

Oh. Oh. Yeah. Here.

Uh, Shawn, run to the bathroom

and fill this up.

Oh, you leave it. T-t-that's alright. That's okay.

I'll pass on the bottle of water.

We got 20 seconds to go, Martin.

Oh-oh-oh! Okay, okay. Have a seat.

Have a seat here, Kid.

Have fun. Get comfortable.

Now, look, I'm going to step out, okay?

I'm going to leave you two young bloods

to take care of some serious business.

And five, four

three, two..

Whazzup?

Whazzup? What up?

This is the insane Martin Payne.

I'm very excited about today

'cause I got a special in-studio guest.

'My man Christopher Reid'

better known as the "K," the "I," the "D."

Kid, from Kid 'n Play. Whazzup, man.

How you doing, man? Thanks for having me on, bro.

Now let me ask you, 'cause a lot of people want to know

how did you get the name Kid?

Well, see, my father used to got drunk

when I was little.

And, uh, he used to forget my name.

He'd say things like, "Hey, kid"

or "Get in here, kid"

or "Whose kid is this?"

I guess it kind of stuck, you know.

So I guess your father got to stop drinking, huh?

Well, he needs to stop hanging out with your mom

that's what he needs.

Yo man, don't talk about my mother.

You don't know me like that. Okay?

[laughs]

Boy, I got to tell you that kid is something else..

Ain't he? Well, then..

Listen, man, now we got a lot

of ladies out here, man

that want to win this date

with you tonight. Okay?

But before we go on with that

first I'd like to find out

what does Kid like in a woman? I mean..

I kinda like them soft, sweet, sophisticated.

Thin in the waist, cute in the face, got her own place

hopefully, won't spray me with mace.

Alright now, ladies, remember

the third caller to call in

is going to win that romantic dinner

with the K-I-D, the Kid.

So, look, I see the phones are lit up.

Let's go to the phones.

Whazzup? You're on with the Kid.

(Crystal on phone) 'Hi, kid. My name's Crystal.'

Hi, how you doing, baby, what's up?

(Crystal) 'Oh, talking to you is the best thing that's happened to me'

'since I was named "Miss Detroit."'

'I'm so excited.'

Oh, don't get too excited.

You're not the right caller.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hold up, man.

Not so fast. She didn't sound that bad.

Yeah, but-but pardon the pun

we got to stick to the rules, man.

Now, there's a lot of women that wanna talk to you.

We're going to the next caller. Don't worry.

So, next caller you're on.

Whazzup?

(female #1 on phone) 'Hi, I've been a fan'

'of yours for years.'

Thank you, baby.

'Oh, Kid, I hope I'm caller number three'

'because I've just stepped out of the bubble bath'

'to call you, and I'm dripping wet.'

Ooooh! Well, finish soaking.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait. Hold up now. I want to talk to her.

Uh, sweetheart, tell me a little bit about yourself.

(female #1 on phone) 'Oh, I'm about 5'5", and people always mistake me'

'for Vanessa Williams.'

Ooh!

Well, one thing they won't mistake you for as a winner

'cause you're not the right caller!

Yo, so look here

ladies, it's about that time.

The next caller get through

may become Mrs. Kid. Are you excited?

- Are you ready? - I'm terribly excited.

Here we go.

Caller number three, you're on with Kid. Whazzup?

(Sheneneh on phone) 'Hello!'

'Hello! How are you doing?'

'This is Sheneneh. Am I the third caller?'

Yes, you are, sweetheart. You certainly are.

You and I, we're going out tonight.

'Oh, my goodness, I won!'

'I won!'

'Oh, my goodness!'

'I won!'

'I won!'

[instrumental music]

- Gina, shhh! - Martin, what is wrong?

What's so important you couldn't tell me over the phone?

Sheneneh won the date with kid.

Sheneneh?

Sheneneh!

Gina, come on now.

Babe, come on.

Babe, don't laugh. Gina!

Babe! Look! Gina! Gina!

Babe, if it gets out that I blew this

I'm tellin' you I'm gonna be nobody in town, alright?

My career as a D.J. is over.

Martin, you're overreacting. You got to calm down.

Babe, I am calm.

Now look, um, we got to think of something here.

Um, um, no.

Um, um, um.

Babe..

Alright, um..

Alright, now listen I already called Sheneneh over, okay?

Now, when she gets here, I'm going to bang her

in her head with this pan, alright.

I'm going to lay her on the couch.

Alright? Stand guard.

You go next door and pretend you're Sheneneh

and give the Kid the date of his life.

Hey! None of that touching, alright?

Martin, have you lost your mind?

[knock on door]

Oh, uh..

Okay, um..

- Alright. - What?

Open the door.

Martin, put that down! Put it down! Give me that.

Put it down and go in the other room.

I'll take care of Sheneneh.

Alright, alright, alright, but if-if you can't take out

with one blow.. Twice. Pop, pop.

Hey! Look I am not hitting her.

I'm gonna talk to her, coach her

maybe give her a few dating tips.

Kid'll have a great date.

And you'll come out looking large, alright?

Alright, but look if you need me, eh, me and the pan

are in the other room. Blang, I'm tellin' you..

(Sheneneh) 'Hurry up, open up. I ain't got all night.'

I'm supposed to meet Martin over here.

I mean, where is he?

Martin had to run to the store.

He said he'll be right back.

Listen, I want to, um, congratulate you

on winning that date with Kid.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

You want to congratulate me?

Why, Gina?

Well, don't you really like him?

Oh!

I do, Gina.

Oh, I love this kid.

I know everything about him, what he likes.

I've seen all his movies, his cartoons.

Oh, I got all his albums. I mean, he is too hype.

So, you're really excited, huh?

Tsk. Yeah.

I mean, stuff like this ain't supposed

to happen to Sheneneh, you know.

You know, I may not ever get this chance again

and I don't want nothing to go wrong.

So, you know what?

Maybe I can give you some advice

you know, on girl stuff and things like that.

Oh, hold on, hold on. Wait a minute.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Wait a minute. Gina, I know what you up to.

You thinking like your friend, huh?

Like I ain't ladylike and stuff, huh?

No, that's not true.

I mean, look at your hair, your nails

and your jewelry. I think you're very ladylike.

Because Sheneneh is a roundaway filet. Alright?

Alright? And if the man don't like me for me

then he can just step off, alright?

Now, I got to go get ready for my date with Kid.

- Thank you. - Wait, Sheneneh.

I really didn't mean to make you, you know--

No, no, I'll be.. I'll say we cool.

You don't know no better.

You tell your friend, I ain't forgot

when I see her, Imma bust her ass.

[instrumental music]

(Sheneneh) 'Who is it?'

Um, uh, my name is Kid.

I'm looking for Sheneneh Jenkins.

'Oh, my goodness! Oh, my..'

Ohh, my goodness!

It's you.

Oh, God, it's really you. Oh..

Ohh.

Oh, my goodness.

I'm Sheneneh Jenkins. I'm the one you're looking for.

- Y-you're Sheneneh? - 'Uh-huh.'

Wow. Damn.

Here.

Oh, thank you, Kid.

Oh.

You know, we really need to get going.

Uh, the radio station said

the reservations were for 8:30.

Oh, no. No, baby, no.

Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

See Sheneneh canceled those reservations.

I cooked you something special.

You're so fine-looking.

Your eyes and everything.

You want a cocktail? I'll get you a cocktail, alright?

Ssss. Ooh, you warm, too.

Ooh.

Uh, so Martin tells me he lives across the hall.

Well, he won't be coming over here messing up our groove.

I mean, he want get with me and everything

but no I ain't trying that.

What you got there?

Couple of 40s.

Malt liquor.

You sure know how to entertain.

Thank you, Kid. Thank you.

Kid! You so crazy.

You don't drink no 40 out of no glass.

Kid..

Oh, my goodness.

You got to take it to the head.

[belching]

Ooh.

Oooohh!

Now, that's how you get your buzz on.

But, look, you better not drink on no empty stomach. Alright?

So, look while your food's still cooking

how'd you like a little live entertainment?

Oh, s-sure. No problem.

You like that? Alright.

Bam!

Uh, oh..

Uh, Sheneneh, Sheneneh!

W-we barely know each other.

That's alright. We going to put an end to that, ain't we, Kid?

Huh? What?

Uh. Uh..

Wait, wait. Wait a minute. Did you hear that?

What?

I think I hear Play calling me.

Boy, you so crazy. Play in New York.

But he's got a really big mouth.

Look, I gotta get outta here. I gotta go, I gotta go.

Don't, Kid.

I love.. I love..

Kid!

Kid, come here! Come on.

How you doing?

You okay?

Look I know I said I'd do the promotion

but I'm outta here.

Mama never said there'd be days like this!

I'm ghost, I'm out!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Kid.

Listen, man, it ain't my fault, alright.

This is all Stan's idea.

Yo, man, I'd never hook up a brother with Sheneneh.

Wait a minute.

- What is wrong with you two? - What do you mean?

I can't believe how insensitive you guys are.

Especially, you Martin, you know how important

this is to that girl.

[blows raspberry] Gina, you don't even

like that girl.

I bet nobody likes that girl.

Oh, that's nice, Mr. Class act.

Is it too much trouble to take an hour out of your day

to spend a little time with someone

who'll remember it for the rest of her life?

Hey, wait a minute.

No, you wait a minute.

Sheneneh's only your biggest fan.

But, you know, I guess that doesn't mean anything to you.

Gina! You make it sound so cold, babe.

Well, she's right. It is cold.

I guess I never thought about Sheneneh's feelings.

How bad could it be to go over there

and spend a little bit more time with her?

You want me to give you the lowdown?

Martin!

Look, I'll go over there.

I'm sorry, my name's Kid.

Hi, I'm Martin's girlfriend Gina.

Ha-haah! That's my baby.

Alright, I'm going over there and I just want this

to go on record that Kid never lets his fans down.

Ha-ha, there you go.

Hey, Kid!

Ain't gonna hurt nobody.

We told him, didn't we, baby?

Oh, we did? We told him.

- Oh, we did? - You did.

Oh, I know I did.

You go, girl.

[sniffling]

Hey, girl!

Come on, now.

What you looking all sad for?

Kid, I mean, you didn't, you really didn't have to come back

if you didn't want to, alright?

I was just trying to make you feel nice, alright?

I mean, you ain't sold that many albums

to be treating people like this.

Come on, now, it wasn't like that.

I just had to go out to my car..

Uh, to get you this.

Here, look.

What is it?

It's a "K."

Oh, my goodness.

- For me, Kid? - Yeah.

I-I wanted you to have it.

Oh, see, I knew you weren't

stuck up like some of them be.

I knew that. Oh, my goodness.

Kid, let's stop all this foolishness

and do what you came here to do, Kid.

Excuse me?

Let's dance, Kid.

Sure, we can dance. Sure.

- Alright. - Put some music on.

We can dance.

Boogie a little bit.

[music on stereo]

♪ Ohhhh ohh ♪

♪ Ohhhh ohh ohh ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Forever forever forever ♪

♪ Forever Sheneneh ♪

♪ It's like a dream ♪

♪ Kid I'm holdin' you close ♪

♪ I'm keepin' you warm ♪

♪ 'Cause this is ecstasy ♪

♪ Forever Sheneneh! ♪

Ohh.

Kid..

Uh, yes, Sheneneh.

Could I ask you something?

Uh, sure, Sheneneh.

Can you kiss me?

Just like you did that little ice skater girl

in "House party"?

♪ Oooohh! ♪♪

[instrumental music]