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Can I get you guys
anything to drink?

BOTH:
Scotch, neat.

Jinx.

(gasps)

Oh, my...

God.

NARRATOR: Kids, you may be wondering
why five adults

in their 30s would take
a jinx so seriously.

It all started one day
five years ago.

Ooh, Van Helsing.
Ooh, Van Helsing.

Jinx. You're jinxed.

That means that you
can't speak until someone

who was present for the
jinx says your name,

or else

you will have
very bad luck.

(scoffs)
That's ridiculous.

(both gasp)

You broke the jinx.

Marshall, I'm a grown-ass man.

I'm on my building's
co-op board.

When I say a Pinot Noir tastes
luxuriously earthy

with a hint of rhubarb,
I'm not faking it.

I've had several

of the same sexual partners
as Henry Kissinger.

I'm not about to stop talking
just because I was jinxed.

NARRATOR:
Barney broke three limbs

and two vertebrae,

but he never broke
another jinx.

In fact, he started taking
jinxes way too seriously.

Barney, I'm on hold
with Sports Talk AM

to talk to my childhood hero
from the Minnesota Twins.

Who's your childhood hero?

Frank Viola. Frank Viola--
jinx!

(over phone):
Hello, this is Frank.

Anyone there?

Hello?

I can hear you breathing,
you coward.

NARRATOR: So, when someone
finally jinxed Barney

for the first time in years,

we were pretty psyched.

The reign of terror is over!

I've had this cigar
in my pocket for two years,

waiting for this moment.

Aw, that would've been good
about two years ago.

Cheers.

(all whooping)

Huzzah!
Huzzah.

LILY: Oh, oh, oh, you want us
to say your name

and un-jinx you?

I don't think so, pal.

This is gonna
be a long jinx.

Like Yom Kippur
services long.

The only difference is,
Yom Kippur's a fast

and this one's
gonna be a slow.

Oh!
ROBIN: Now, Ted,

I was wondering if you could
expand upon what you were saying

earlier about
antiquated currency.

Ah, yes, yes.

Contrary to popular belief,

the buffalo nickel was modeled
on the Black Diamond bison

rather than the more iconic
Western Plains bison.

To wit,

if President Taft
had had his way,

we'd all be talking
about the egret nickel.

♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x11-12 ♪
The Final Page, Part One and Two
Original Air Date on December 17, 2012

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

NARRATOR: In the winter of 2012
the skyscraper

that I designed was
about to open,

which got me thinking
about the most influential

architecture professor
I ever had.

So when the children
of our grandchildren's children

ask us "Who were we,"
they'll find the answer carved

into the granite poetry
of our architecture.

Okay.

It doesn't get any
better than that.

Class dismissed.

Wow, just wow.

Do you need something?

I have an apple I was hoping
to eat in silence.

Of course,
Professor Vinick, I, um,

I-I sketched out a design,

and it'd be such an honor
if you took a look at it.

Oh, well.

It is believed

that it took the pharaohs
over 100 years

to build the Sphinx.

So...

you think...

I should spend more time on it?

Oh, dear God, no.

This is terrible.

Then, why'd you mention
the Sphinx?

(laughs)

I find my mind is
often with the Sphinx.

Anyway, you'll never
be an architect.

You'll never be an architect.

You'll never
be an architect.

(laughing):
You'll never be an architect!

Well, guess what.

I sent Professor Vinick

the invitation
to the opening of my building,

so he'll see that
I did become an architect,

and that I've moved past
his petty, hurtful words.

ROBIN:
Wow.

15 years later and you're
still this obsessed.

Yeah, if Vinick ever
goes missing,

the cops are gonna come looking
for him in your basement.

Totally, he's Ted's pit guy.

How dare you?

And what is that?

A pit guy is someone

you've been obsessed with
for so long...

that it's driven you
crazy enough

to throw them
in a pit in your basement

like in The Silence
of the Lambs.

(screaming)

(laughing)

I'm not gonna Silence
of the Lambs him.

At most,

I'd Revenge of the Nerds him.

Though I don't see
a scenario where he agrees

to play me in a pentathlon.

Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there
is no one I hate enough

to throw into a pit.

What?

NARRATOR: When Robin's most hated
coworker Patrice

started dating Barney,

she became obsessed.

Patrice, Patrice goes
in your pit.

Guys, I told you, I am done
obsessing about Patrice.

Just drop her.

Drop her in a pit.

Enough.

We all have people that
we would throw in our pits,

and I'm sure we all have people

who would like to throw us
in their pits.

Yeah, if Marshall
or I ever go missing,

I'll tell you whose
basement to look in.

Daryl LaCourte.

Oh, no.

It's creepy Daryl.

Let's get out of here
before he sees us.

Hey, hot sack
coming through.

Ha... ha...

Hi, Daryl. Hey, Daryl.
Hey!

I feel like I never see
you guys anymore.

Like whenever I'm getting
to a party, you're just leaving.

Even that party

at your place--
you guys just raced off

into the night at 7:30.

That's weird.

But this is

great-- the three hackmigos

back together again.

We played Hacky Sack together
once freshman year, Daryl.

Once.

November 14, 1996.

That is the best memory ever.

Sure.

(grunts)

The three hackmigos
for life.

To this day, we are
still getting e-mails

and posts from Daryl.

He has commented
on every photo

of Baby Marvin
we have ever posted,

and then

he comments on his own comments.

(door opens)

(all clamoring excitedly)

Hey, guys, look,
it's Bar...

none, my favorite

non-speaking

jinxed person
in the world.

How was

your day?

Yeah, I didn't get
a word of that.

Sorry, buddy.

Ah, Scherbatsky, it's
my favorite time of year.

Didn't know
you liked Christmas so much.

No, year-end reviews.

We get to fire some people.

Get into the spirit.

Look, Sandy, you might
enjoy firing people

for petty personal differences.

I'd hardly call giving
me gonorrhea

a petty personal difference.

But I am a professional,

and I would never fire someone
for unprofessional reasons.

Well, somebody's got to go.

NARRATOR: Kids, the thing
about pit people,

sometimes you don't
even know you have one

until you have
a chance to push 'em in.

Hi, Robin.

Not happening, bro.

Not happening, bro.

Hand get tired?

Not happening, bro.

I hold in my hand

the RSVP from Professor Vinick.

Uh-huh.

Ah, he's checked

"Will not attend,"
which is fine,

because all I needed
to know was that he knows.

So now I will throw this in
the trash and never look at it.

What's this?

"I believe you've sent this
to the wrong person.

I have no idea
who Ted Mosby is."

Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.

Oh, you'll remember who I am,
Professor Vinick.

You'll never forget it.

Not happening, bro.

Ted, just because we're coming
with you to Wesleyan

does not mean that we condone
your behavior.

Just using it as an excuse

to see the old campus...

and maybe watch you have
a complete mental breakdown.

What are you even gonna do
when you see Professor Vinick?

Oh, I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.

Sweet merciful Franks Gehry
and Lloyd Wright,

from what brilliant mind was
this work of art sired?

Mosby.

Ted Mosby.

(coughing):
Architect.

But that's-that's...

Impossible?

Looks like
you were wrong, Vinick.

Dead wrong.

(distorted):
No!

(yells)

(laughs)

Be careful, Ted.

Revenge fantasies never
work out the way you want.

Especially dance-
based revenge.

My prom was rough, guys.

LILY:
Ooh!

We're almost there.

Oh, I can't wait
to see the old campus.

I'm gonna grab one of those
giant dining hall hot dogs.

Oh, I love those huge wieners.

I'm not so sure you heard me.

I said, "I love
those huge wieners."

I love them.

In my mouth.

So, let me ask you a few
questions, Clarice... Patrice.

How would you rate
your performance

in the last six months?

Well, I don't like
to talk about myself,

but all my coworkers deserve
an A-double-plus,

that's for suresies.

Ooh,

fancy lotion.

It puts the lotion
in the basket.

It's just, this is
really nice lotion.

And what a pretty basket, Robin.

I know, that's why
I bought it, Patrice!

Man, it's like

nothing has changed.
Mmm, I know.

The bun, the relish.

That's a knee.

It's a beautifully
drawn knee, so?

That's a barn.

Oh, knee barn, right.

That's a great idea, Lily.

On the way home,
we should stop

at the knee barn,

pick us up some wholesale knees.
Yeah.

MAN:
Marshall? Lily!

You... you're here.

Hi, Daryl.
(quietly): Hi, Daryl.

Hi.

Wow,

after all these years.

You look just like you do
in my paintings.

Come here, guys.
(grunts)

There are men
and there are gods.

Antoni Gaudí was both.

TED: There are jerk faces
and there are buttholes.

Professor Vinick was both.

Good one, Ted.

Come on, Vinick,
give me an opening.

Gaudí's architecture
gave expression

to the anarchic geometric form
of nature.

TED (mocking):
"Gaudí's architecture..."

Actually, that's
a really good point.

♪ Wow, Professor Vinick

♪ Man, you taught me so much

♪ About architecture and life

♪ God, your lectures
are so cool ♪

♪ I'll earn your respect
and we'll be best friends. ♪

Okay, it doesn't get
any better than that.

(sniffles)
No, it doesn't.

What are you
doing here, Daryl?

Well, I live
right down the street.

But I work
right here.

Whoa.
Oh, boy.

MARSHALL:
Are those...

(clears throat) ...our,
our faces up there, buddy?

Hack, yeah!

It was just as much
your idea as mine

to open up a Hacky Sack store
here at Wesleyan.

So you never left?

Once. I met a girl
on Craigslist,

and I flew to Boston
to meet her.

She was a man, 300 pounds,
and robbed me.

Still, the best
night of my life.

Until now!

The three hackmigos
back together again!

You know, I've been waiting
forever to give you something.

You're coming with me
to my house,

and I'm not taking no
for an answer.

BARNEY:
Dude, this is your chance.

Set me free,
and I will lie you out

of this creepynightmare.

MARSHALL:
This is a tough one.

On the one hand, we might die.

On the other, you're jinxed.

BARNEY:
Let me free, Marshall.

This guy could be violent.

MARSHALL:
Violent... Viola...

Frank Viola.

We would love to come
to your house, Daryl!

Yeah!

Okay, um...

how often are you
and Barney doing it?

That's a strange question,
Robin.

You're right.

Maybe I should leave.

Yeah, maybe
you should.

You're fired.

Wow. Just wow.

Ted Mosby.
I'm a former student of yours.

You know, I actually became
an architect.

Any chance you remember me?

Oh, please excuse me, I've been
teaching for over 20 years.

All the faces start
to blend together

unless you have a, a weird
mustache or, or something.

Junior year I tried
to grow muttonchops,

but people kept saying
my face made them nauseous.

Well, not people. You.

Anay, I would be honored
if you,

if you took a look
at my building.

This...

is hideous.

You'll never be an architect.

(echoing):
You'll never be an architect.

You'll never be an architect.
You'll never be an architect!

You'll never be an architect.

Wait. I was mistaken.

You most definitely
will be an architect.

Really?

These are astonishing,

Handlebar Pete.

So, when you said
"surprise in your house,"

what you really meant was
"surprise in the poorly lit

windowless basement
of your house."

Oh, you guys are gonna love
what I have to show you.

I am so excited, I could just
cry and laugh and scream

and just punch the wall

over and over and over
and over and over!

Could we just see it,

like, up in the
living room

or anywhere less...
gimp-storagey?

(laughs)
I just realized

I want to take
a picture of this.

I want to put your faces
on my mantel like a trophy.

Like a trophy!

Aah...!
Aah...!

(singsongy):
Here I come.

And I've got your surprise
right here!

No! We don't want
your surprise, Daryl!

We're not your amigos,

we're definitely
not your hackmigos.

And before you murder us,

you should know
that we have a child!

He probably has
eight or nine!

What? Murder?

I wanted to give you a check.

For $100,000...

for coming up with the idea
of the Three Hackmigos with me.

I brought you down here
to show you all my inventory.

Business has really exploded.

(laughs)

I mean, I'm sort
of the Mark Zuckerberg

of jam-band concert
parking lot athletics.

Well, second.

But I'm coming for you,
Devil Stick Ron.

(screaming)

Why would you fire me?

Because nobody should be
as happy as you are.

And also your cookies...
they're only pretty good.

(gasps)

Robin, is this really about me?

(voice breaking):
No, it's not.

The old "fire and bang."
Respect, Scherbatsky.

Pretty good, right?
Right, Handlebar Pete?

Ah, you got it easy with
that sweet, sweet 'stache.

Hey, Ted, I see you're holding
a little version of your building

and yelling at strangers.

So I assume it all worked out?

I realized, since I work
in a three-dimensional medium,

the only way to really stick it
to Vinick would be

with a three-dimensional model.

Whatever you do,
don't march in there

thinking, "I'm
gonna do the worm.

That'll show 'em!"

Seriously, guys,

I can't stress enough
how bad my prom was.

Speaking of the past...

Wow, we feel like idiots.
We're sorry.

You know, honestly,
it's fine.

Look how great I'm doing.

Look at what I've built.
I don't need

the validation
of some people from college

to feel good about myself.

My life is amazing!

I own a timeshare in
St. Barts with P-Funk!

The, the whole band?

Yeah.

Do you guys jam?

That's all we do.

(all gasp)

So, you completely rejected

the guy who's been obsessing

about you for 16 years,
and he was okay with it?

Whoa.

Is creepy Daryl more emotionally
adjusted than I am?

NARRATOR:
Kids, sometimes in life

you'll make a pit
for someone in your mind.

But ultimately the only person
in that pit is yourself.

I'm sorry.

Just seeing you with Barney
has brought up

some old feelings,
and I...

I really don't like feelings.

But that's not your fault
or Barney's fault.

It's just really hard
seeing you with him.

♪ There's been a book
on the side of the bed... ♪

NARRATOR: Which means there's
only one person

who can let you out of the pit.

♪ Many years from now

♪ I know you'll hear me
somehow... ♪

So you fired Patrice?

No, she's staying.

♪ The places we will go...

Let's get out of here, guys.

Oh, Mr. Mosby.

You built a model
of your building.

No.

Why? To prove
some sort of point?

This is just sad.

No, no,
I was just throwing it out.

Sure, you were.

No!

No, I-I-I had a
transcendent moment

where I found emotional clarity!

And I realize shouting that

makes it seem like
it's not true, but I did!

Yeah, we're gonna grab
some snacks.

You guys want anything?

Spicy beef jerky.

Got you loud and clear.

(sighs)

Oh, my God!
Barney!

You unjinxed me!

I'm free! If the bison

on the nickel could hear you
talk about them,

they would diminish their
population even further on purpose.

If Lily wants a big wiener in
her mouth, she's got my number.

And I'm sorry that you took the
rap for all the farting on

the car ride up here.
That was me! (sighs)

The ring!
What's, what's, what's the ring?

Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask
Patrice to marry me.

BOTH:
Are you serious?

Jinx! Good!

I need to say some things
without you interrupting.

Yes, I am serious.
I know that if you could talk,

you'd say that I'm crazy

or that I'm overcorrecting
or that I'm moving too fast.

But you would be wrong.

Look, I have banged my way
through every bimbo

in the tristate area,
and it left me

feeling nothing but, but broken.

But now, with Patrice,

for the first time in my life,
I feel settled and happy.

I want to feel this way forever.

So tomorrow night on the roof

of the World Wide News
building--

that's Patrice's favorite spot--

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

Ah, poot-tu-tat!
You're jinxed.

I'll unjinx you if you'll follow
these two rules:

one: you can't try to talk me
out of it,

and two: you can't tell anybody.
Agreed?

It's a jinx swear,
so if you break it,

I get to hit you in the nuts
three times

with a Wiffle ball bat.

Thank you... Ted.

Hey...

Hi, guys!

No. But you're jinxed!

I tricked Ted
into saying my name.

ALL:
Aw, come on, Ted!

Jinx! Jinx!
Ha-ha!

The reign of terror
is back! (evil laugh)

Hey, if you guys don't want me
to smoke

or fart in here, just speak up.

Nothing? Great.

Thanks for the spicy
beef jerky, dude.

Anyway, I think we could
all use a little quiet.

Unless you have something
you want to talk about, Ted?

No.

(engine starts)

Not happening, bro.

NARRATOR: So I had promised not to tell
anyone about Barney's plan

to propose to Patrice.

But I knew deep down
Robin deserved to know.

Uh, there he is!
The youngest architect ever

to build a skyscraper
in New York City!

The shockingly still
single Ted Mosby.

You hear that,
ladies?

I can't believe
the GNB Tower opens tonight.

Ted, your building finally
gets unveiled to the whole world.

(gasps)
You hear that, ladies?!

Nervous?

Everything comes out of my
body in liquid form now.

Ignore that, ladies.

Plus, I, I keep
having this nightmare

where King Kong
shows up to the opening

but refuses to climb
my building

because, in his words,
"It's a bit derivative."

Oh, stop it, tonight
is gonna be amazing.

And we are definitely gonna be
there to toast you,

but we might have to leave
a little early if that's okay.

My dad just gave us the most
amazing Christmas gift ever.

Our first night away
since Marvin was born.

24 hours straight without
that little bastard.

ROBIN:
Aw.

This will be a nice memory
to share with Marvin

when he's older
and deciding whether or not

to put you in a home.

Hey, we need this.

We're maximizing
our time away

by planning everything
down to the minute.

See?

2:12 p.m.-- guilt Ted

into saying it's okay
if we leave early tonight.

It's okay if you leave
early tonight.

Look, I just

appreciate you
showing up at all

on your big night away.

I mean, Barney's not
even gonna be there.

What?

This is the biggest
night of your career.

Why isn't Barney coming?

I don't know--
he said,

"Legendary" and "Challenge
accepted," and then he winked.

"Wait for it," you know,
all that stuff.

That does sound like him.

Well, we're your
real friends

and we wouldn't miss
it for the world.

That is why we will
see you tonight

from 7:03 to 7:14.

Bye, guys. Good night.
Bye.

Okay, what's the real reason
Barney's not coming?

NARRATOR: Here was my chance
to tell Robin about Barney.

Yeah, actually, Barney didn't
say what he was doing tonight.

Anyway, uh, you know, I'm not
taking anyone to the opening,

so you want to be my date?

Sure.

Okay, Dad, I-I
made you a list

of Marvin's nightly schedule
down to the minute.

Okay.

Uh, "9:06 p.m.--
put on edible underwear."

Wrong list, wrong list.

Come on, relax.

I know this little guy
like the back of my hand.

Dear Lord, what is that?

Oh, jam, okay.

Just jam.

Oh, I-I forgot
the lullaby.

Do you know
Marvin's lullaby?

We sing it
to him every night.

♪ Night, night,
little Marvin ♪

♪ Stars twinkle for you

♪ The Dreamland train's
a-chuggin' ♪

♪ All your dreams
will come true ♪

♪ And the horsie
says, "Good night" ♪

♪ And the birdie says,
"Good night" ♪

♪ And the elephant
says, "Good night" ♪

♪ And the skeleton playing
his own rib cage ♪

♪ Says, "Good Night"

♪ And the robot says,
"Good night" ♪

(robot voice): Good night.
(knocking on ceiling)

MAN:
Enough with the damn music!

♪ And Mr. Nesbit says,
"Good night" ♪

♪ And the whole world says,
"Good night" ♪

Take it, Mommy.

Got it-- load him up
with cough syrup,

watch Breaking Bad
until he conks out.

Just kidding.

We did it.

Yeah, we did.

Now that we're out the door,

I actually don't feel anxious.

(phone rings)

Whoa, oh, my God, it's your dad!

Oh, something horrible
happened-- aah!

Oh, it's Ted, relax.

Bar, now.

What is it?

He needs me.

But, baby, what about

our magical romantic night?

In four minutes we're supposed
to be doing hand stuff

in the cab.

I'll be quick--
I'm sure it's nothing huge.

That's huge.

Yeah, that's why Barney's
not coming tonight.

He's getting engaged.

And I knew that
I had to tell Robin.

But?

I may have, uh...

asked her to be my date instead.

What is wrong with me?

Deep down,

is there still
some crazy part of me

that thinks I'm gonna
wind up with Robin?

Am I that deluded?

If so, I need to grow up.

Oh, um, by the way,
I'm breaking a jinx swear here,

so don't tell Barney
or he gets to whack me

in the nuts three times
with a Wiffle ball bat.

Sure, pretty standard.

Robin deserves the chance to go
after Barney one last time

if that's what she wants.

Thanks, buddy.

This helped.

I'm gonna go tell her.

One quick thing.
Yeah.

Don't.

Wow.

Nice.

You know, now that I'm here,
I don't feel that anxious.

(phone rings)

It's my dad--
something horrible's happened!

My husband, relax.

Hey, um, I'm gonna be
a little while, baby.

It's a long story,
but Ted needs my help.

Okay, but hurry

or I'm gonna start doing
number 11 on my own.

You can do that by yourself?

Pilates, bitch.

Okay, why shouldn't
I tell Robin?

Because deep down
some crazy part of you

still thinks you're gonna
wind up with her, and I agree.

Marshall...
I'm sorry, I'm Team Tedward.

Always have been,
always will be.

Now, listen.

I want my best friend
to be happy.

And if Robin could mean
happiness for you,

then, dear God, why help her
go after another man?

Because she might still be
in love with him.

To not tell her,
to not give her that chance,

it's... it's selfish.

So be selfish.

I can't do that.

Tell that to the onion rings
we just "split."

(sighs)
Robin is my friend.

She's always been more
than that and you know it.

Now, as we speak,

my wife is in a hotel room
cheating on me...

with herself.

But I'm not
leaving here

until you promise not to say

a word about this to Robin.

Now repeat after me. "I..."

Well, I can do more
at a time than "I."

"I, Ted Mosby, promise to stop

"putting everyone else's
interests ahead of my own,

and for once in my life,
do what's best for me."

I...

Sorry, what was
the rest of that?

Hey, Dad, just taking a break

from our amazing night
to check in.

I bet Marvin's pretty devastated
that I'm not there, huh?

Not at all-- I don't think
he even noticed you're gone.

It's kind of like Mommy who?
(laughs)

Oh... oh, good.

But I should probably sing him
his nighttime lullaby

over the phone, just in case.

Sang it already-- nailed it.

Did you do the horsie?

Yep.
The birdie?

Yep.
Elephant?

Yep.
Moose.

No moose, trick question.

Robot.

(robot voice):
Affirmative.

Look, I should go.

Marvin's asleep in my arms.

Mmm, his head smells like love.

Bye.

(sighs)

NARRATOR: And so, kids,
on that cold December night

I decided to take
your Uncle Marshall's advice

and be a little selfish.

Whoa.

Hello... and
hubba-hubba.

Aw, thanks.

But tonight is
about my main man Mosby.

Really?
Why?

Oh, Ted, tell Ranjit

the huge thing
that's happening tonight.

Barney's getting engaged.

Ranjit out.

Bar-Barney's getting engaged?

He asked me to keep it a secret,

but I thought
you deserved to know...

in case you wanted
to do something about it.

Do you?

RANJIT:
Do you, Robin?

Ranjit, a little
privacy, please?

Sorry, not listening.

Nice, uneven floor
there, Ted.

(sighs)
Lily, are you drunk?

What? I...
I'm on vacation.

I may have cracked open
the minibar to celebrate.

Who invited the narc?

Hey, listen,
I know that

you miss Marvin, but it's not
like we could've brought him

to a black tie event anyway.

I don't think that
they make tuxedo onesies.

I mean, at least not
ones that are in style.

I mean, a bow tie?

Is it 1998 already?

Yeah, these parents are
so lame and-and clingy.

Yeah, it's like, cut the cord
already, right, guys?

Yeah, yeah,
that baby's not even cute.

Super ugly baby.

It's almost
physically repulsive.

Aw....
Aw...

Great, I just
started lactating.

Me, too.

So, what do you want to do?

Robin, I do not
want to meddle,

but this is like the classic
love song says...

(singing loudly
and high-pitched)

Ranjit.

Ranjit, let's just communicate
via text from now on, okay?

(singing stops)

I appreciate
what you're doing.

But I'm not chasing
after Barney anymore.

I-I just got done being
crazy about all that.

I mean, why would I want to
throw myself back in that pit?

Because you're in love with him.

No, I'm not.

I'm happy for him.

So, it doesn't bother you that
Barney Stinson's gonna propose

to another woman on top of
the World Wide News building?

Wait, why the top
of the World Wide News building?

I guess it's Patrice's
favorite spot in the city.

Damn it, Patrice, that's my
favorite spot in the city!

Whoa.
(phone chimes)

Ranjit says, "Whoa."

Okay... (sighs)

maybe that one detail stings
a little bit,

but that doesn't mean
I'm in love with Barney.

(phone chimes)

"Sounds like she's
in love with Barney."

Okay, is this divider
even slightly soundproof?

(phone chimes)

"Yes."

With a little
winky face.

Look, I... I hope it goes
well for Barney.

I really do.

But tonight there is
no place I would rather be

than at your building.

Celebrating with you.

Are you sure?

Ranjit, to Teddy Westside's
kick-ass building.

I cannot hear you.

We will be there
in five minutes.

This kid does not mean
that you're special.

It just means that you're
horny and you're easy.

Now, come on,
let me smell his head.

Li-Lily, Lily,
no, no, no, no, come on.

Seriously, Ted,
what is up with the floor?

Lily.
What?

Is it harder
than we thought

to be away from
Marvin? Yes.

But are we gonna have fun
or are we gonna wallow

in the corner like idiots?

BOTH (crying):
♪ Night, night, little Marvin

♪ Stars twinkle for you

♪ The Dreamland train's
a-chuggin' ♪

♪ All your dreams

♪ Will come true.

Hey.

Do you realize that something
you thought up in your head

now exists as a part
of the Manhattan skyline?

That's huge.

It's just a building.

I mean, I'm incredibly young
for such an achievement,

but it's just a building.

I mean, Architecture
Vision Weekly

may have dubbed it
"more than just a building,"

but it's just a building.

So let's not get carried...

Okay, you're right, it's huge.

It is huge.

You're the star of the party,
and who knows?

Maybe the future Mrs. Ted Mosby
is gonna be there.

Yeah, maybe she will.

Oh.

Wait, this isn't your...

(sighs)

This is
the World Wide News building.

Go get him.

I told you,
I am done chasing Barney.

Now can we please go
to your party?

Robin, do you want to spend
tonight making small talk

with a bunch of bankers

in a daring yet refined
contemporary masterpiece

King Kong should feel lucky
to climb...

...or do you
want to follow your heart?

Why do you keep insisting that
I have feelings for Barney?

(phone chimes)
Because you do.

See, even Ranjit agrees.

Oh, he's got to pee.

The point is,

you're not over Barney.

That's why you freaked out
about him proposing

on the roof
of the World Wide News building.

I did not freak out.

It's just...

a teeny, tiny bit annoying

that I am the one

who showed her that roof
in the first place!

Damn it, Patrice!

Whoa.

(phone chimes)

"Never mind; I found
a soda bottle."

Okay, that's disturbing.

What do you want me
to do, Ted?

Run up to that roof,

knock the ring
out of Barney's hand,

and say, "Sorry to interrupt,
but you should be with me"?

Is that what you want?

No.

I don't.

I can't keep making
an ass of myself.

Well,

a word in defense of making
an ass of yourself,

it's underrated.

Eight years ago

I made an ass
of myself chasing after you,

and I've made an ass
of myself chasing after you

a bunch of times since then.

But I have no regrets.

Because it led me to something

that I wouldn't trade
for the world.

It led to you being my friend.

So, as your friend

and a leading expert
in the field

of making an ass of yourself,

I say to you

from the heart,

get the hell out of this car.

(exhales)

But, Ted,

your big night.

It's just a building.

(door closes)

BARNEY:
The Robin.

Step one: admit to yourself

that you still have feelings
for this girl.

I am hopelessly,
irretrievably in love with her.

More than she knows.

Step two:

choose the completely wrong
moment to make a drunken move

after hanging out

at a strip club

and get shot down on purpose.

Step three:

agree that you two don't work,
locking the door

on any future
you could have together.

I'm done trying to get you.

I can't do it anymore.

Which will drive Robin nuts.

Huh.

Step four:

Robin goes nuts.

Step five:

find the person
who annoys Robin most

in the world...

Nobody asked
for your help, Patrice!

...and ask for her help.

Oh, hi, Barney.

What are you doing here?

Actually, I'm looking for you.

This may sound kind of weird,
but I have a proposition...

Explain everything to Patrice

and hope she agrees to help.

Yay. I love Robin.

Of course I'll help.
(giggles)

Good, good.
(screams)

Step six:
check with your doctor

about possible broken ribs.

Step seven:
pretend to be dating Patrice.

Nobody asked you here,
Patrice!

Actually, I did.

Step eight:

wait until Robin inevitably
breaks into your place

to find the Playbook
and show it to Patrice,

which you'll monitor
via the hidden cameras

you have in your apartment.

Patrice, the robin's
in the nest.

That means Robin broke
into my apartment

Were you even listening
when I explained the codes?

Step nine: after Patrice
finds the Playbook,

have your first big fight.

This is going so well.

Thank you so much.

I know, but what the heck
are Lily and Ted doing here?

I don't know.
My friends have no boundaries.

(groans)
How can I ever thank you?

Will you watch my
cat next weekend?

No.

Come on, we should probably
go back inside.

Step ten:

prove your loyalty to Patrice

by burning the Playbook,

and actually burn it.

You don't need it anymore.

Step 11:

because your friends
have no boundaries,

they'll inevitably have

an intervention for Robin,

which you'll monitor
via the hidden cameras

you have in Marshall
and Lily's apartment.

Step 12:

tell only Ted about your plan

to propose to Patrice.

You can't tell anybody.

Agreed?

Step 13:

wait and see
if Ted tells Robin,

and if he does...

Barney's getting engaged.

...it means your best bro
in the world

has let go of Robin
and has given you his blessing.

Step 14:
Robin arrives

at her favorite spot
in the city

and finds the secret final page

of the Playbook.

The last play

you'll ever run.

Step 15: Robin realizes

she's standing
underneath mistletoe.

(sighs)

Seriously, Barney?

Even you,

even someone
as certifiably insane as you

must realize
that this is too far.

You lied to me,

manipulated me for weeks.

Do you really think I could
ever kiss you after that?

Do you really think

I could ever trust you
after that?

This...

this is proof

of why we don't work,

why we'll never work.

So thank you.

You've set me free because...

how could I be with a man
who thinks that this...

trick, this enormous lie

could ever make me want
to date him again?

Turn it over.

(sighs)

Robin Scherbatsky...

...will you marry me?

Yes.

♪ In the oceans deep

♪ In the canyons steep

♪ Walls of granite

♪ Here I stand

♪ All my desperate calls

♪ Echo off the walls

♪ Back and forth...

And so, let's all raise a glass
to Ted Mosby.

None of this

would have been possible
without him.

To Ted.

ALL:
To Ted.

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ Oh-oh-oh-
oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh

♪ To believe

♪ I walk

♪ Alone

♪ Is a lie

♪ That I've ♪

♪ Been told

♪ So let your heart hold fast

♪ For this soon shall pass

♪ There's another hill ahead. ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==