Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,383 --> 00:00:03,284
Lily, I just saw
the worst thing ever!
2
00:00:03,518 --> 00:00:04,884
(whispering): Kind of busy
right now, Marshall.
3
00:00:04,886 --> 00:00:06,402
Quiet.
He can hear you.
4
00:00:06,404 --> 00:00:07,553
MARSHALL: Who's "he"?!
5
00:00:07,555 --> 00:00:09,022
He's coming!
Everyone shut up!
6
00:00:09,191 --> 00:00:10,990
NARRATOR: Okay, kids, you're probablywondering how
7
00:00:10,992 --> 00:00:12,325
we all got here.
8
00:00:12,731 --> 00:00:14,965
Oh, hey, buddy, can
we borrow your air mattress?
9
00:00:14,967 --> 00:00:16,566
My mom's coming into
town for a few days.
10
00:00:16,568 --> 00:00:17,834
Absolutely not.
11
00:00:17,836 --> 00:00:20,270
Bummer, I guess
she can't stay with us.
12
00:00:20,272 --> 00:00:22,906
Hey, look,
what I just found.
13
00:00:22,908 --> 00:00:25,942
A list of hotels and other
creative housing options.
14
00:00:25,944 --> 00:00:28,328
Baby, my mom is not
staying at a hotel.
15
00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:30,820
Or our storage unit.
16
00:00:30,845 --> 00:00:32,316
Why can't we borrow
your air mattress?
17
00:00:32,317 --> 00:00:33,816
Because when you animals
borrow things,
18
00:00:33,818 --> 00:00:34,918
you never return them.
19
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,369
That's ridiculous.
20
00:00:36,371 --> 00:00:38,655
No, my Cleveland, Ohio,
Chamber of Commerce
21
00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:40,657
mini-cooler
is ridiculous.
22
00:00:40,659 --> 00:00:42,659
Ridiculous at keeping
stuff cold
23
00:00:42,661 --> 00:00:45,378
while also promoting Ohio's
second-largest rubber producer.
24
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:47,631
Watch your back, Akron.
25
00:00:47,633 --> 00:00:49,216
I totally gave that back.
26
00:00:49,218 --> 00:00:51,301
And what about that
"Vote For Ted" hoodie
27
00:00:51,303 --> 00:00:54,437
from when I ran for treasurer
in high school?
28
00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:55,472
Mrs. Gooding said
29
00:00:55,474 --> 00:00:59,559
my concession speech was,
"full of grace."
30
00:00:59,561 --> 00:01:02,679
I don't recall
borrowing that.
31
00:01:02,681 --> 00:01:05,232
And whatever happened
to my limited edition DVD
32
00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:07,701
of the classic 1989
Silverman-McCarthy romp,
33
00:01:07,703 --> 00:01:11,988
Weekend at Bernie's,
"borrowed" well over six months ago?
34
00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:13,623
Yeah, I'm
keeping that.
35
00:01:13,625 --> 00:01:15,158
Those extra features
are awesome.
36
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,859
I mean, that making-of
documentary?
37
00:01:16,861 --> 00:01:19,696
"How Bernie Avoided The Gurney:
A Cinematic Journey."
38
00:01:19,698 --> 00:01:22,832
Look, I'm just tired
of people borrowing things
39
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,134
and never returning them.
40
00:01:24,136 --> 00:01:27,754
If you don't believe me,
ask my ex-friend Stuart.
41
00:01:27,756 --> 00:01:30,140
Ted, I gave your red
cowboy boots back
42
00:01:30,142 --> 00:01:31,508
the day after Halloween.
43
00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:34,010
How could you lie to me
right to my face, Stuart?
44
00:01:34,012 --> 00:01:38,932
You are a horrible
human being.
45
00:01:38,934 --> 00:01:40,817
Congrats on
your daughter's christening.
46
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:45,405
And where's the worst abuser
of my generosity, Barney?
47
00:01:45,407 --> 00:01:48,391
Or should I say,
"Borrow-ney"?
48
00:01:48,393 --> 00:01:49,609
You should
never say that.
49
00:01:49,611 --> 00:01:51,161
And I think he's out
with Patrice.
50
00:01:51,163 --> 00:01:53,363
Uch, Patrice?
That's still happening?
51
00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:54,781
NARRATOR:
Kids, you remember Patrice.
52
00:01:54,783 --> 00:01:56,416
She workedwith your Aunt Robin.
53
00:01:56,418 --> 00:01:59,002
Robin! You left your purse
at the vending machine,
54
00:01:59,004 --> 00:02:00,453
and some guy tried
to steal it!
55
00:02:00,455 --> 00:02:06,042
I fought him off, but I think
I dislocated my shoulder.
56
00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:08,628
You scratched the leather! Oh!
57
00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:10,797
Can't you do anything right,
Patrice?!
58
00:02:10,799 --> 00:02:13,183
That Barney-and-Patrice
thing is so bogus.
59
00:02:13,185 --> 00:02:15,352
He's clearly trying
to get back at me
60
00:02:15,354 --> 00:02:16,853
for rejecting him.
61
00:02:16,855 --> 00:02:18,471
Um, Robin, after you
rejected Barney,
62
00:02:18,473 --> 00:02:19,756
didn't he reject you?
63
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:20,941
And didn't you go
64
00:02:20,943 --> 00:02:23,560
over to his place and
try to sleep with him
65
00:02:23,562 --> 00:02:24,778
in your purple-and-
black underwear?
66
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:27,280
Hey, uh, Lil, feel free
to disregard that
67
00:02:27,282 --> 00:02:29,866
"Don't tell anyone
about this ever" thing.
68
00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:31,234
She has your
mini-cooler.
69
00:02:31,236 --> 00:02:32,452
I knew it!
70
00:02:32,454 --> 00:02:34,037
But seriously,
what other reason would
71
00:02:34,039 --> 00:02:36,323
Barney have to
date Patrice?
72
00:02:36,325 --> 00:02:37,774
It's an over-correction.
73
00:02:37,776 --> 00:02:40,543
How dare you?!
What is that?!
74
00:02:40,545 --> 00:02:43,613
Barney was engaged to Quinn,
a stripper he never really trusted.
75
00:02:43,615 --> 00:02:45,281
So he overcorrects
by dating her opposite:
76
00:02:45,283 --> 00:02:47,167
warm and nurturing
Patrice.
77
00:02:47,169 --> 00:02:49,002
LILY: That does happen,
like Ted.
78
00:02:49,004 --> 00:02:52,555
After you broke up
with sweet innocent Victoria.
79
00:02:52,557 --> 00:02:54,290
No, you hang up first.
80
00:02:54,292 --> 00:02:55,809
No, you hang up first.
81
00:02:55,811 --> 00:02:56,810
No, you hang up first.
82
00:02:56,812 --> 00:02:58,395
Hang up,
you little bitch!
83
00:03:00,064 --> 00:03:01,564
Over-correction.
84
00:03:01,566 --> 00:03:02,999
Yeah. And it's not just
relationships.
85
00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:05,235
Remember when that
comedy club owner told Marshall
86
00:03:05,237 --> 00:03:07,187
that his "funny fish names"
stand-up act
87
00:03:07,189 --> 00:03:08,071
didn't have enough edge?
88
00:03:08,073 --> 00:03:13,276
Flounder?
I barely know her! Oh!
89
00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:14,944
Over-correction.
90
00:03:14,946 --> 00:03:17,447
Although it was better
than his Chris Rock rip-off.
91
00:03:17,449 --> 00:03:20,750
A trout with a daughter
has one job.
92
00:03:20,752 --> 00:03:22,836
One job!
93
00:03:22,838 --> 00:03:26,122
To keep her off
the fishing pole!
94
00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:28,658
LILY:
You suck!
95
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,877
Lily!
96
00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:34,879
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x10 ♪
The Over-Correction
Original Air Date on December 10, 2012
97
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,880
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
98
00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:46,650
I'm a little worried
about Ted.
99
00:03:46,652 --> 00:03:51,071
I mean, we're parents now,
and even Barney is moving on.
100
00:03:51,073 --> 00:03:54,491
I just wish he had
someone to talk to.
101
00:03:54,493 --> 00:03:56,026
Even for a week.
102
00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:58,295
Or you know, four days,
three nights.
103
00:03:58,297 --> 00:03:59,663
My mom is not staying
with Ted!
104
00:03:59,665 --> 00:04:01,531
He'd love her bacon-
gummy bear pancakes.
105
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:05,052
I'm her special boy,
I get her special pancakes.
106
00:04:05,054 --> 00:04:07,370
But my dad is here
nannying all the time.
107
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,505
Then add your mom in?
108
00:04:08,507 --> 00:04:11,475
This place is crowded
enough already.
109
00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:13,043
(knocking)
MICKEY: Hey, Lil,
110
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,878
let me know
how the pump's working.
111
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,379
I cleaned it for you.
112
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,765
It's fine, Dad.
Yeah, I had
113
00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:21,218
to check the suction,
so I tested it on myself.
114
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:22,569
Oh, no.
115
00:04:22,571 --> 00:04:24,822
Don't worry, the suction's fine,
116
00:04:24,824 --> 00:04:26,556
actually kind of nice.
117
00:04:28,993 --> 00:04:32,729
Okay, Barney is so not
for real about Patrice.
118
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,481
Today he did the craziest,
119
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,700
most clearly staged
for my benefit thing ever.
120
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:38,619
Hey, Patrice,
you ready for lunch?
121
00:04:38,621 --> 00:04:39,870
Sure.
122
00:04:39,872 --> 00:04:41,088
(scoffs)
123
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:43,123
Right, right?
124
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:44,057
I mean,
125
00:04:44,059 --> 00:04:46,710
what's next, birthday gifts?
126
00:04:46,712 --> 00:04:50,097
Wake up, people, this is
not an overcorrection,
127
00:04:50,099 --> 00:04:51,465
it's fraud, and we need
128
00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:53,434
to keep trying
to stop this.
129
00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:55,519
What do you mean,
"keep trying"?
130
00:04:56,738 --> 00:04:58,755
Barney is not
who you think he is.
131
00:04:58,757 --> 00:04:59,690
What do you mean?
132
00:04:59,692 --> 00:05:01,758
Well, he has a book
of plays he uses
133
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,760
to trick women
into sleeping with him.
134
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:06,897
Oh, no way,
Barney's my honey bear.
135
00:05:06,899 --> 00:05:08,782
Actually, one of his plays
is called The Honey Bear.
136
00:05:08,784 --> 00:05:10,200
He dresses up
like Winnie the Pooh,
137
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:12,569
and the next thing you know,
his hand's stuck in your pot.
138
00:05:12,571 --> 00:05:15,739
Robin, you're a doll
for worrying about me,
139
00:05:15,741 --> 00:05:18,108
but that doesn't sound at all
like my Barney.
140
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,944
Why won't you let me
help you, Patrice?!
141
00:05:23,381 --> 00:05:25,549
She can't see
that Barney is using her,
142
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,835
and it breaks my heart.
143
00:05:27,837 --> 00:05:29,219
You know, I-I-I
love Patrice.
144
00:05:29,221 --> 00:05:31,805
We're like sisters.
145
00:05:31,807 --> 00:05:33,257
You've never gotten
through even one exchange
146
00:05:33,259 --> 00:05:34,525
without screaming at her.
147
00:05:34,527 --> 00:05:35,926
Sisters fight, Ted!
148
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:37,644
But the bond
149
00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:39,179
is always there.
150
00:05:39,181 --> 00:05:40,230
Okay?
Okay.
151
00:05:40,232 --> 00:05:41,682
And that's
why I need
152
00:05:41,684 --> 00:05:44,268
to steal The Playbook
and show it to Patrice,
153
00:05:44,270 --> 00:05:46,403
so she'll believe me.
154
00:05:46,405 --> 00:05:49,907
Or you could do
almost anything else
155
00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:51,641
and not sound
so creepy.
156
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:52,943
TED:
Robin,
157
00:05:52,945 --> 00:05:55,412
seriously, this obsession
isn't healthy.
158
00:05:55,414 --> 00:05:57,314
Just let it go.
159
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:58,648
(sighs)
160
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,317
Maybe you guys are right.
161
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:01,318
(sighs)
162
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,537
Thanks for talking
some sense into me.
163
00:06:03,539 --> 00:06:05,756
(whirring)
164
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,161
Lily, can I ask you
165
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,296
a question?
166
00:06:12,298 --> 00:06:13,430
If it's "Did somebody put gravel
167
00:06:13,432 --> 00:06:15,265
in the couch cushions
you're sleeping on,"
168
00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:16,499
absolutely not.
169
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,552
What would be the motive?
170
00:06:18,554 --> 00:06:19,970
No, it's not that.
171
00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:22,689
Uh, don't tell Marshall
because he's not ready,
172
00:06:22,691 --> 00:06:26,109
but I think I might want
173
00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:29,512
to get back out there
and meet a nice man.
174
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,782
Wow, that's great, Judy.
175
00:06:31,784 --> 00:06:33,150
And I thought
you might be able to help
176
00:06:33,152 --> 00:06:34,818
because you always look
so good.
177
00:06:34,820 --> 00:06:36,653
You think I look good?
178
00:06:36,655 --> 00:06:38,956
I mean, you dress
like a Duluth streetwalker,
179
00:06:38,958 --> 00:06:41,241
but my son seems to like it.
180
00:06:41,243 --> 00:06:43,293
I'll take it.
181
00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:46,163
So, any advice?
182
00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:49,216
Well, first I'd throw out
any giant sweater
183
00:06:49,218 --> 00:06:50,500
with a horse on it.
184
00:06:50,502 --> 00:06:51,585
Even the ones...?
Even the ones
185
00:06:51,587 --> 00:06:53,971
that have manes
with real horse hair, yes.
186
00:06:53,973 --> 00:06:56,173
And second, I'd let the gals
out to play a little more.
187
00:06:56,175 --> 00:06:58,208
The gals?
188
00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:01,645
Oh...
189
00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:04,514
you mean the Minnesota Twins.
190
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,485
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Robin wasabout to give up
191
00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:11,888
on ever finding The Playbookuntil...
192
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:13,824
(beeps, hisses)
193
00:07:13,826 --> 00:07:16,726
(choir singing)
194
00:07:18,496 --> 00:07:21,398
Ugh, the Bro Code, damn it.
195
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,566
(beeps, hisses)
196
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,788
(sighs)
197
00:07:28,623 --> 00:07:29,673
(hissing)
198
00:07:29,675 --> 00:07:31,842
(choir singing)
199
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:38,515
David Lee Roth's autobiography?
200
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,133
Crap.
201
00:07:40,135 --> 00:07:41,101
(sighs)
202
00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:42,386
"To the best wingman ever.
203
00:07:42,388 --> 00:07:43,553
"We'll always have Panama.
204
00:07:43,555 --> 00:07:46,023
Love, Diamond Dave."
205
00:07:48,693 --> 00:07:50,894
(hissing)
206
00:07:53,448 --> 00:07:56,366
Patrice, it's really nice of you
to buy Robin a new purse,
207
00:07:56,368 --> 00:07:59,069
but it's not your fault that
the other one got scratched.
208
00:08:00,872 --> 00:08:02,456
Anyway, just get
yourself over here.
209
00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:04,124
I've got the tree,
the decorations,
210
00:08:04,126 --> 00:08:05,492
and the know-how
from Lethal Weapon 2
211
00:08:05,494 --> 00:08:07,744
to pop that shoulder
right back into place.
212
00:08:07,746 --> 00:08:10,464
Yep, there is not one reason
to leave this apartment
213
00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:12,666
for even a second tonight.
214
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,955
Ow.
215
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,378
How's my favorite architect?
Other than incredibly handsome.
216
00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:24,657
Hey, Mom.
217
00:08:24,659 --> 00:08:26,242
No, it's Robin.
218
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:27,576
What do you need?
219
00:08:27,578 --> 00:08:29,328
For reasons
that aren't important,
220
00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:30,930
I'm trapped in Barney's closet.
221
00:08:30,932 --> 00:08:33,599
Help get me out, and I'll return
your Weekend at Bernie's DVD.
222
00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:36,635
No way, that's not enough to get
me involved in your crazy mess.
223
00:08:36,637 --> 00:08:37,836
I'll also go with you
224
00:08:37,838 --> 00:08:40,039
to the five-day fan convention
in the desert.
225
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,091
You'll come with me
to Bernie Man?
226
00:08:42,093 --> 00:08:43,425
Yes, just hurry.
227
00:08:43,427 --> 00:08:45,127
JUDY (over baby monitor):
Ooh...
228
00:08:45,129 --> 00:08:48,664
someone's excited to see me.
229
00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:50,299
Who's Mama's big boy?
230
00:08:50,301 --> 00:08:53,469
Who is Mama's big boy?
231
00:08:53,471 --> 00:08:56,188
Wait.
232
00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:57,506
MICKEY:
I am.
233
00:08:57,508 --> 00:08:59,475
Mickey?
234
00:08:59,477 --> 00:09:02,978
And I've been bad.
235
00:09:05,815 --> 00:09:08,517
Get off my mommy.
236
00:09:13,623 --> 00:09:15,824
(knocking)
237
00:09:19,296 --> 00:09:21,580
Hugh Hefner
in your lobby right now.
238
00:09:21,582 --> 00:09:23,749
I'm gonna grab my robe.
239
00:09:32,375 --> 00:09:34,727
"Teddy's first Christmas"?
240
00:09:34,729 --> 00:09:36,562
Barney, are these my ornaments?
241
00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:38,714
That could be anyone's
baby handprint, Ted.
242
00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:42,651
Now, come on, Hef's old,
but he moves like a cheetah.
243
00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:49,491
(sighing)
244
00:09:54,397 --> 00:09:56,415
(hissing)
245
00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:57,833
(choir singing)
246
00:09:57,835 --> 00:10:00,652
(gasping)
247
00:10:04,674 --> 00:10:08,177
Why would you do that...
248
00:10:08,179 --> 00:10:10,095
with Mickey?
249
00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:13,215
I've been lonely,
Marshall, and all the men
250
00:10:13,217 --> 00:10:18,187
in St. Cloud's idea of romance
is taking me ice fishing.
251
00:10:18,189 --> 00:10:19,972
That was me and
your father's thing.
252
00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:21,523
Plus,
253
00:10:21,525 --> 00:10:24,560
call it an overcorrection,
but it's kind of nice
254
00:10:24,562 --> 00:10:27,863
being with a sophisticated,
big-city man.
255
00:10:27,865 --> 00:10:29,097
(belches)
256
00:10:29,099 --> 00:10:31,533
You know, I don't know
what the big deal is.
257
00:10:31,535 --> 00:10:34,036
You've been bumping uglies
with my daughter for years.
258
00:10:34,038 --> 00:10:36,955
The second I climb up on your
mom, it's the end of the world?
259
00:10:36,957 --> 00:10:39,458
(groans)
260
00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:41,443
How could you think
that was Hef?
261
00:10:41,445 --> 00:10:43,045
It was
an honest mistake.
262
00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:45,080
That guy was black, Ted.
263
00:10:45,082 --> 00:10:47,716
I guess I just don't notice
that kind of stuff.
264
00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,388
(hissing)
265
00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:58,594
(exclaims)
266
00:10:58,596 --> 00:11:00,813
(sighs)
267
00:11:00,815 --> 00:11:03,982
We'll get to the grotto
one day, my pet.
268
00:11:03,984 --> 00:11:06,435
One day.
269
00:11:06,437 --> 00:11:07,903
How's my favorite architect?
270
00:11:07,905 --> 00:11:08,854
Other than well-endowed.
271
00:11:08,856 --> 00:11:10,155
Mom?
272
00:11:10,157 --> 00:11:11,657
No, it's Robin again.
273
00:11:11,659 --> 00:11:13,975
Look, you've got to come
back in and get my purse.
274
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:16,161
Nope, I'm done. Bye, Robin.
275
00:11:16,163 --> 00:11:17,246
Wait!
276
00:11:17,248 --> 00:11:18,914
What if I told you
I was looking at
277
00:11:18,916 --> 00:11:20,482
your red cowboy boots right now?
278
00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:23,285
Describe them.
279
00:11:23,287 --> 00:11:24,787
They're red
and they're cowboy boots.
280
00:11:24,789 --> 00:11:26,088
That's them!
281
00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:27,339
Why are they at Barney's?
282
00:11:27,341 --> 00:11:29,658
Hey, Barney.
283
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:31,493
Just returning Ted's boots
I borrowed for Halloween.
284
00:11:31,495 --> 00:11:33,212
You were a cowboy?
285
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,880
No, my wife
was Wonder Woman.
286
00:11:34,882 --> 00:11:37,433
Can you believe Ted thinks a guy
can get laid wearing these?
287
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:41,453
Challenge accepted.
288
00:11:43,389 --> 00:11:46,642
Do you know what
that sound is, Ted?
289
00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:47,893
That's a red boot
290
00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:50,145
about to be savagely
cut up by my pocketknife!
291
00:11:50,147 --> 00:11:51,897
You mean my pocketknife.
292
00:11:51,899 --> 00:11:53,899
I lent it to you two years ago.
293
00:11:56,152 --> 00:11:58,153
(knocking)
294
00:11:58,155 --> 00:11:59,121
Hey.
295
00:11:59,123 --> 00:12:01,373
Sorry about the
Hugh Hefner mix-up.
296
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:04,827
But seriously,
Jon Bon Jovi is downstairs.
297
00:12:04,829 --> 00:12:07,579
You sure it isn't my landlady,
Mrs. Takahashi?
298
00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:08,580
I'm serious.
299
00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:09,832
The janitor just
mopped the floor.
300
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,867
Bon Jovi is literally
standing next to a sign
301
00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:12,918
that says "Slippery When Wet."
302
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:16,138
Uh-uh.
I want those ornaments back.
303
00:12:16,973 --> 00:12:19,174
(cell phone buzzes)
304
00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:34,890
(knocking at door)
305
00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:37,409
Damn it, Ted!
306
00:12:37,411 --> 00:12:39,060
You get those ornaments
all year.
307
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,613
I just need
'em for Christmas!
308
00:12:41,615 --> 00:12:42,831
Oh. Hey, Patrice.
309
00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,199
Did you have any
trouble finding Rudolph?
310
00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:46,668
No, it was right on Ted's
fire escape like you said.
311
00:12:46,670 --> 00:12:48,837
Are you sure he's okay
with us borrowing it?
312
00:12:48,839 --> 00:12:51,006
Positive.
313
00:12:53,793 --> 00:12:56,128
I got your purse.
(whispering): Oh, Ted, you're the best!
314
00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:57,880
But I'm trapped in Barney's
living room closet.
315
00:12:57,882 --> 00:12:59,681
Oh, Ted, you're the worst.
316
00:12:59,683 --> 00:13:00,749
Okay, enough messing around.
317
00:13:00,751 --> 00:13:01,767
I'm calling in The Wolf.
318
00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:04,019
Lily?
Lily.
319
00:13:06,439 --> 00:13:08,657
(phone ringing nearby)
320
00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:11,894
(ringing is louder)
321
00:13:11,896 --> 00:13:14,563
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
322
00:13:14,565 --> 00:13:17,599
(phone beeps) Hold on, Marshall's calling
me on the other line.
323
00:13:20,119 --> 00:13:22,788
Lily, I just saw
the worst thing ever.
324
00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:24,289
Kind of busy right
now, Marshall.
325
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:25,457
Quiet.
He can hear you.
326
00:13:25,459 --> 00:13:26,458
Who's "he"?
327
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:28,877
He's coming!
Everyone shut up!
328
00:13:37,453 --> 00:13:40,622
I'm just gonna grab this star
to put on top of the tree.
329
00:13:40,624 --> 00:13:44,059
It's gonna be legend--
wait for it-- merry!
330
00:13:51,851 --> 00:13:53,134
(sighs)
331
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,103
What are you doing here, Lily?
332
00:13:55,105 --> 00:13:56,471
I've been using
Barney's apartment
333
00:13:56,473 --> 00:13:57,973
to pump milk for Marvin.
334
00:13:57,975 --> 00:13:59,358
What?! Why?
335
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,510
LILY: Our apartmentis so crowded these days,
336
00:14:01,512 --> 00:14:03,328
I don't get a minute to myself!
337
00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:05,364
I have a keyto Barney's apartment,
338
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:06,815
he has a kick-ass couch,
339
00:14:06,817 --> 00:14:08,867
and he DVR's allthe Real Housewives shows,
340
00:14:08,869 --> 00:14:11,536
including the reunion specials.
341
00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:13,822
(whirring)
342
00:14:22,015 --> 00:14:23,498
What are you doing here?
343
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:24,850
I came to get The Playbook
344
00:14:24,852 --> 00:14:26,885
so I could show Patrice
who Barney really is.
345
00:14:26,887 --> 00:14:29,304
Why can't you just
let them be happy?
346
00:14:29,306 --> 00:14:31,556
Because they're not
really happy, Lily!
347
00:14:31,558 --> 00:14:33,976
BARNEY: Patrice, can you grab my
computer from the bedroom?
348
00:14:33,978 --> 00:14:36,678
I want to change my
Facebook status to "happy!"
349
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,480
You shouldn't have that.
350
00:14:38,482 --> 00:14:40,849
You're right.
351
00:14:48,691 --> 00:14:50,959
(sighs)
What?
352
00:14:50,961 --> 00:14:52,628
Where is Ted?
353
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:57,365
My label maker!
354
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,501
No! I'm never coming out!
355
00:14:59,503 --> 00:15:03,055
You know, Marshall, you've been
in there for a while now.
356
00:15:03,057 --> 00:15:07,259
And I couldn't help but notice
you chugged that Super Big Gulp.
357
00:15:07,261 --> 00:15:09,261
It's not gonna work, Mickey.
358
00:15:09,263 --> 00:15:11,880
My bladder's
as big as your betrayal!
359
00:15:11,882 --> 00:15:14,215
I see. So it's not gonna
bother you to think
360
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:17,319
about leaky faucets
or open hydrants,
361
00:15:17,321 --> 00:15:21,273
or rushing rivers, or...
362
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:23,942
Oh, God, I got to pee. Oh!
363
00:15:25,394 --> 00:15:26,495
What is this?
364
00:15:26,497 --> 00:15:28,497
Where did you find that?
365
00:15:28,499 --> 00:15:30,449
I didn't want to believe
that this existed,
366
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,284
but is this... The Playbook?
367
00:15:32,286 --> 00:15:35,170
(whispering): Let's see him lie his
way out of this one.
368
00:15:35,172 --> 00:15:37,072
Yes, it is.
369
00:15:37,074 --> 00:15:38,239
These are
370
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,708
all the tricks I used
371
00:15:39,710 --> 00:15:41,460
to get women to sleep with me.
372
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,879
What do you
mean, tricks?
373
00:15:43,881 --> 00:15:46,515
Like...
374
00:15:46,517 --> 00:15:49,134
"The Two-Can-Play-at-That Game."
375
00:15:51,587 --> 00:15:53,421
Can I help you?
376
00:15:53,423 --> 00:15:56,308
I'm sorry to be the one
to tell you this, but...
377
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,760
my wife is having an affair
with your husband.
378
00:15:58,762 --> 00:16:01,096
I even found a list
of every dirty way
379
00:16:01,098 --> 00:16:03,281
they've enjoyed
each others' bodies.
380
00:16:03,283 --> 00:16:07,986
I wish there was some way
we could get back at them.
381
00:16:07,988 --> 00:16:09,321
There is.
382
00:16:10,239 --> 00:16:12,874
We can kill them. (laughs)
383
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:22,501
I'm sorry to be the
one to tell you this...
384
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:24,419
You're not who I
thought you were.
385
00:16:24,421 --> 00:16:25,587
Patrice, I...
386
00:16:25,589 --> 00:16:27,339
I need some air.
387
00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:29,307
I...
388
00:16:29,309 --> 00:16:31,226
Come on, Patrice, you...
389
00:16:31,228 --> 00:16:34,846
You have got to
be kidding me.
390
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,268
Wait. Is that my mini-cooler?!
391
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:42,971
Not now, Ted.
Let's go!
392
00:16:42,973 --> 00:16:45,907
Shh! Shh!
393
00:16:45,909 --> 00:16:48,660
Patrice, I have done
394
00:16:48,662 --> 00:16:52,030
some sleazy stuff to
seduce women, but
395
00:16:52,032 --> 00:16:53,749
I want to be a better person.
396
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:55,817
You make me want to be
a better person.
397
00:16:55,819 --> 00:16:58,486
I can't be with a man
who has a playbook.
398
00:16:58,488 --> 00:17:00,488
I understand.
399
00:17:09,465 --> 00:17:11,433
Whoa.
400
00:17:11,435 --> 00:17:12,601
Whoa!
401
00:17:12,603 --> 00:17:13,769
Whoa!
402
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,470
Whoa!
403
00:17:15,472 --> 00:17:17,222
Is that my garbage can?!
404
00:17:20,781 --> 00:17:22,598
I knew you were a keeper.
(laughs)
405
00:17:22,967 --> 00:17:24,083
Oh.
406
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,335
(rapid, rhythmic beeping,
Barney sighs)
407
00:17:30,790 --> 00:17:32,925
I should go explain
this to the super.
408
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,627
Hey, come with.
There's a small chance
409
00:17:34,629 --> 00:17:36,078
Jon Bon Jovi's
down in the lobby.
410
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,147
"You Give Love a Bad Name"
is the first track
411
00:17:38,149 --> 00:17:39,315
on my "Get Psyched" mix!
412
00:17:39,317 --> 00:17:41,484
Mine, too!
413
00:17:43,387 --> 00:17:45,605
(sighing)
414
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:51,027
You still don't believe
those two are for real?
415
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,778
I'll take that.
416
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,997
The Ted Mosby Store
is officially closed.
417
00:17:54,999 --> 00:17:56,649
What spilled in here?
418
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:58,034
Breast milk.
419
00:17:58,919 --> 00:18:00,786
Seriously, I give and give,
420
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,206
and all I ask back
is a little bit of respect.
421
00:18:06,426 --> 00:18:08,594
(sighs)
422
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,164
(laughs)
Okay, so tonight got weird.
423
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,849
You have no idea.
424
00:18:13,851 --> 00:18:16,769
My mom's apparently ready
to get back out there.
425
00:18:16,771 --> 00:18:19,021
Marshall, she told me
all about it,
426
00:18:19,023 --> 00:18:20,890
and I was happy to help.
427
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,675
You helped?! Why?
428
00:18:22,677 --> 00:18:25,344
I know it's hard to think of
your mom as a woman with needs,
429
00:18:25,346 --> 00:18:27,480
but you have to let
her get out there
430
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:30,483
and rediscover her sexuality
with someone special.
431
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,786
Oh, you don't know.
432
00:18:33,788 --> 00:18:37,206
No, uh, Marshall,
I do know.
433
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,692
You just think it's gross
because it's your parent.
434
00:18:39,694 --> 00:18:41,026
But you know what?
435
00:18:41,028 --> 00:18:42,962
It's beautiful.
Mm.
436
00:18:42,964 --> 00:18:45,748
My mom
437
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:49,051
and your dad are humping.
438
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:51,721
(retching)
439
00:18:51,723 --> 00:18:53,839
I think you should be happy
for them.
440
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,257
What? Why?
441
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,875
What is good about this?
442
00:18:56,877 --> 00:18:59,145
Well, first of all,
respect to Mickey.
443
00:18:59,147 --> 00:19:01,480
Your mom's a piece.
444
00:19:01,482 --> 00:19:03,099
She's no Ted's mom,
but she's a piece.
445
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,900
And secondly,
446
00:19:04,902 --> 00:19:08,053
I mean, it's nice
that they found each other.
447
00:19:08,055 --> 00:19:10,956
Sometimes you fall for someone
you'd never expect,
448
00:19:10,958 --> 00:19:12,891
but that doesn't make it wrong.
449
00:19:12,893 --> 00:19:15,111
Doesn't everyone deserve
to be happy?
450
00:19:15,996 --> 00:19:17,329
I guess
451
00:19:17,331 --> 00:19:19,415
none of us thought
of it that way.
452
00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:21,617
Next round's on me.
453
00:19:22,419 --> 00:19:24,754
(sighs)
Wow.
454
00:19:24,756 --> 00:19:26,122
I know.
455
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,456
Barney's lost it.
456
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,175
He needs an intervention.
457
00:19:29,177 --> 00:19:30,443
Oh!
Oh! Oh...
458
00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:33,345
Robin, after
everything we've seen,
459
00:19:33,347 --> 00:19:35,914
do you still think
Barney's faking this?
460
00:19:35,916 --> 00:19:37,750
No, but we have
to stop it.
461
00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:39,518
Barney is not
Barney anymore.
462
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:40,770
Well, people change.
463
00:19:40,772 --> 00:19:42,805
But not this fast
and this drastically.
464
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,640
This is a cry
for help, okay?
465
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:48,027
If I was out of control, I
would want you guys to help me.
466
00:19:48,029 --> 00:19:51,113
So, what do you
say? Intervention?
467
00:19:51,115 --> 00:19:54,150
Intervention.
468
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:56,202
(sighs)
Oh, good. You're all here.
469
00:19:56,204 --> 00:19:57,770
Um,
470
00:19:57,772 --> 00:19:59,205
when Barney shows up,
471
00:19:59,207 --> 00:20:01,574
it's important for him
not to feel ganged up on,
472
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,159
so, let's start with, um,
473
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,377
"We love you,
and we're worried about you."
474
00:20:05,379 --> 00:20:08,614
ALL: We love you,
and we're worried about you.
475
00:20:08,616 --> 00:20:10,449
Oh. Great.
476
00:20:10,451 --> 00:20:12,718
But you know, with less pity
in your eyes.
477
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,804
Sweetie, sit down.
478
00:20:14,806 --> 00:20:18,307
Uh, no. Only the person getting
the intervention sits down.
479
00:20:18,309 --> 00:20:21,677
ALL:
Yeah.
480
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:24,096
Oh.
481
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,565
Please tell me
this is about my drinking.
482
00:20:28,068 --> 00:20:30,803
Damn it.
483
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:35,796
So, we, um...
we just wanted to say
484
00:20:35,896 --> 00:20:39,097
that we're sorry for
the way that we acted
485
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,428
when we found out
about you two.
486
00:20:44,097 --> 00:20:47,032
Your happiness is
what is most important,
487
00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:51,236
so, if you two want to date,
it's okay by us.
488
00:20:51,238 --> 00:20:52,938
Who said anything
about dating?
489
00:20:52,940 --> 00:20:54,406
This is just
about sex.
490
00:20:55,508 --> 00:20:59,696
We're family...
with benefits.
491
00:20:59,796 --> 00:21:04,796
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
34623
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof