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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Well, it's come to this-- we're
drinking with our baby in a bar.
2
00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:07,393
It is not a bar.
3
00:00:07,394 --> 00:00:10,178
It's a restaurant that
happens to have a bar.
4
00:00:10,180 --> 00:00:12,547
Ergo, we are good parents.
5
00:00:12,549 --> 00:00:14,383
Unrelated: I'm getting
faced right now.
6
00:00:14,385 --> 00:00:15,750
Papa needs a grease coat.
7
00:00:15,752 --> 00:00:17,185
TED: While it is
heartwarming to watch
8
00:00:17,187 --> 00:00:19,421
your firstborn teethe
on a jalapeño popper,
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00:00:19,423 --> 00:00:21,189
wasn't Mickey
gonna watch him today?
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00:00:21,191 --> 00:00:22,190
My dad's out all week.
11
00:00:22,192 --> 00:00:23,308
He's got the sniffles.
12
00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:25,327
For someone who's survived
numerous beatings
13
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,812
from loan sharks, he has
14
00:00:26,814 --> 00:00:29,764
a surprisingly
delicate constitution.
15
00:00:29,766 --> 00:00:30,983
TED:
Well, my semester's over
16
00:00:30,985 --> 00:00:32,734
and the GNB building
is finally done.
17
00:00:32,736 --> 00:00:34,936
If you guys want,
I'm free to watch Marvin.
18
00:00:34,938 --> 00:00:35,988
I'm meeting
with a headhunter
19
00:00:35,990 --> 00:00:37,239
next week to line up
20
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:39,324
my next project,
but until then, what the hell?
21
00:00:39,326 --> 00:00:42,461
Ted, although a "what
the hell" attitude is
22
00:00:42,463 --> 00:00:44,579
incredibly sought
after in a babysitter,
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00:00:44,581 --> 00:00:46,214
I think that Lily
and Marshall...
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00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:47,466
BOTH:
You're hired.
25
00:00:48,217 --> 00:00:49,117
Now that we've been
26
00:00:49,119 --> 00:00:50,385
parents for awhile,
we realize
27
00:00:50,387 --> 00:00:52,554
that pretty much any moron
can take care of a baby.
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Thank you.
29
00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:56,591
Mine!
30
00:00:56,593 --> 00:00:57,625
Ow.
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00:00:57,627 --> 00:00:59,144
Delicious and mine.
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00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,345
(Robin chuckles)
33
00:01:00,347 --> 00:01:03,682
They do look yummy
yum-yum, mister.
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00:01:03,684 --> 00:01:05,467
(giggles)
35
00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,821
No. No!
36
00:01:09,823 --> 00:01:11,306
What have I done?!
37
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I am so sorry, Cornelius.
38
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:16,695
You deserve
a better end than this!
39
00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:18,813
You got ketchup
on a red tie.
40
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You can't even see it.
41
00:01:20,117 --> 00:01:22,284
(gasping)
42
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:25,754
(grunts)
43
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Clear!
44
00:01:26,790 --> 00:01:27,706
(sobs)
45
00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:29,875
I'm going in.
46
00:01:29,877 --> 00:01:31,460
(blowing)
47
00:01:33,513 --> 00:01:35,297
Oh, my...
48
00:01:35,299 --> 00:01:36,965
Damn it, guys,
we lost him.
49
00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:39,017
And he was so close
to retirement.
50
00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:41,219
Just this morning
he said to me,
51
00:01:41,221 --> 00:01:43,889
"I'm getting too old
for this shirt."
52
00:01:43,891 --> 00:01:45,023
(Marvin fussing)
53
00:01:45,025 --> 00:01:48,176
I know, dude.
54
00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:51,363
(humming taps)
55
00:01:55,451 --> 00:01:57,069
Oh, my God.
56
00:01:57,071 --> 00:02:00,522
You are such
a good folder.
57
00:02:00,524 --> 00:02:02,457
That's, like, The Gap good.
58
00:02:02,459 --> 00:02:04,376
(giggles)
59
00:02:04,378 --> 00:02:06,294
Robin...
60
00:02:08,030 --> 00:02:09,881
...let's go hit the bar.
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00:02:09,883 --> 00:02:11,133
At this restaurant.
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00:02:11,135 --> 00:02:13,051
I think they have a bar here.
63
00:02:16,305 --> 00:02:18,873
Okay, what was that?
What was what?
64
00:02:18,875 --> 00:02:21,510
The "dumb cheerleader flirting
with the quarterback" thing.
65
00:02:21,512 --> 00:02:22,644
You looked like
you were gonna
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00:02:22,646 --> 00:02:23,845
chase Barney down with
67
00:02:23,847 --> 00:02:25,647
a sixer of watermelon
wine coolers.
68
00:02:25,649 --> 00:02:28,400
First of all, those bad girls
come in fourskis.
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00:02:28,402 --> 00:02:31,987
And second, why would I
be flirting with Barney?
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00:02:31,989 --> 00:02:35,824
I'm not interested in him,
and I made that very clear.
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00:02:35,826 --> 00:02:38,076
With something that I did.
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00:02:38,078 --> 00:02:39,194
Recently.
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00:02:39,196 --> 00:02:40,395
Just spill it.
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ROBIN: The other week,Barney made a move,
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00:02:42,783 --> 00:02:44,732
but I turned him down.
76
00:02:44,734 --> 00:02:47,119
I felt awful for closingthe door in his face,
77
00:02:47,121 --> 00:02:48,837
but he realized I was right.
78
00:02:48,839 --> 00:02:50,672
I'm done trying to get you.
79
00:02:51,424 --> 00:02:52,924
I can't do it anymore.
80
00:02:52,926 --> 00:02:54,909
And now I get it.
Get what?
81
00:02:54,911 --> 00:02:57,512
You may have closed the door
on Barney, but he locked it.
82
00:02:57,514 --> 00:02:58,746
What? No, he didn't.
83
00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:00,015
Yeah, he got the last word,
84
00:03:00,017 --> 00:03:01,216
and now you want
85
00:03:01,218 --> 00:03:03,251
what you can't have,
like you always do.
86
00:03:03,253 --> 00:03:06,188
It's the classic
lobster situation.
87
00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:07,973
I'm afraid
you're allergic to lobster.
88
00:03:07,975 --> 00:03:11,926
You can never, ever, ever
have it.
89
00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:22,770
Oh, this... is... delicious.
90
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:24,789
Once you learned
you couldn't have lobster,
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00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:26,324
you became obsessed.
92
00:03:26,326 --> 00:03:27,325
Barney's the same thing.
93
00:03:27,327 --> 00:03:29,411
And this is gonna
blow up in your face,
94
00:03:29,413 --> 00:03:31,613
just like the lobster
blew up your face.
95
00:03:31,615 --> 00:03:34,216
Wrong.
This is nothing like lobster.
96
00:03:34,218 --> 00:03:35,617
Okay.
97
00:03:35,619 --> 00:03:37,452
Just remember, you can never
hook up with Barney again.
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00:03:37,454 --> 00:03:38,720
That's fine.
Never.
99
00:03:38,722 --> 00:03:44,476
Ever, ever, ever, ever.
100
00:03:44,507 --> 00:03:48,507
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x09 ♪
Lobster Crawl
Original Air Date on December 3, 2012
101
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:53,532
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
102
00:03:57,273 --> 00:03:59,774
Oh, no.
103
00:03:59,776 --> 00:04:01,576
Marshall, Lily and
Ted can't make it,
104
00:04:01,578 --> 00:04:03,328
for viable reasons
I just learned
105
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,014
via this text message
I accidentally deleted.
106
00:04:06,016 --> 00:04:08,200
Guess it's just gonna be
you and me.
107
00:04:08,202 --> 00:04:09,150
Fine by me.
108
00:04:09,152 --> 00:04:11,486
Me, too. Totally.
109
00:04:11,488 --> 00:04:12,587
Supafine.
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00:04:12,589 --> 00:04:14,155
(giggles)
111
00:04:14,157 --> 00:04:16,291
ROBIN: Hey there, Scherbats,your voice of reason here.
112
00:04:16,293 --> 00:04:17,375
What you doing?
113
00:04:17,377 --> 00:04:18,660
I hope you don't mind,
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00:04:18,662 --> 00:04:20,962
but I was hungry, so I ordered
MacLaren's new special.
115
00:04:20,964 --> 00:04:24,499
I couldn't eat lunch at work
because they ordered
116
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:26,051
(voice breaking):
Thai food.
117
00:04:26,053 --> 00:04:28,002
I miss you, Cornelius!
118
00:04:28,004 --> 00:04:30,138
Oh, my God.
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00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:31,439
You're so sensitive.
120
00:04:31,441 --> 00:04:32,691
And deep.
121
00:04:33,442 --> 00:04:35,477
No. You're better than this.
122
00:04:35,479 --> 00:04:38,113
Barney is not like lobster.
123
00:04:38,115 --> 00:04:40,848
Okay, that's unfortunate,but it doesn't mean
124
00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:42,016
you have to hook upwith Barney.
125
00:04:42,018 --> 00:04:42,867
Whoa!
126
00:04:42,869 --> 00:04:44,352
God, you said that out loud!
127
00:04:44,354 --> 00:04:45,570
No, I didn't.
128
00:04:45,572 --> 00:04:47,322
How would you know?You're out of control.
129
00:04:47,324 --> 00:04:50,242
Oh, you think you're so smart,don't you, bitch?
130
00:04:50,244 --> 00:04:53,411
Um, billion-dollar idea alert.
131
00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:56,131
Why should bibs
only be socially acceptable
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00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:57,132
when you're eating lobster?
133
00:04:57,134 --> 00:04:58,866
If we could wear them
all the time,
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00:04:58,868 --> 00:05:00,468
(voice breaking):
then Corny would still be
135
00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:02,254
with us right now.
136
00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:03,972
I miss...
137
00:05:05,224 --> 00:05:08,143
Picture a bib
that looks like your suit:
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00:05:08,145 --> 00:05:10,345
a collar, a tie, a jacket.
139
00:05:10,347 --> 00:05:11,263
Mm-hmm.
140
00:05:11,265 --> 00:05:13,214
Atta girl. Keep it cool.
141
00:05:13,216 --> 00:05:16,217
I could call them Brobibs!
142
00:05:16,219 --> 00:05:17,719
That's interesting.
143
00:05:17,721 --> 00:05:19,604
Yeah, you got this.
144
00:05:19,606 --> 00:05:22,107
I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
145
00:05:22,109 --> 00:05:23,191
What do you think?
146
00:05:23,193 --> 00:05:26,161
Oh, that idea's amazeballs!
147
00:05:26,163 --> 00:05:27,279
(giggles)
148
00:05:27,281 --> 00:05:28,580
That's it. I'm out of here.
149
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(footsteps)
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00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:31,316
(door slams)
151
00:05:32,969 --> 00:05:33,985
I'm out of control.
152
00:05:33,987 --> 00:05:35,003
I came this close
153
00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,338
to telling Barney
that I wanted him.
154
00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:39,441
Robin, as your friend,
I got to be honest.
155
00:05:39,443 --> 00:05:42,711
I think this Brobibs thing
is a frickin' gold mine.
156
00:05:42,713 --> 00:05:43,745
What? No.
157
00:05:43,747 --> 00:05:45,513
Lily, I really need advice.
158
00:05:45,515 --> 00:05:46,514
Okay.
159
00:05:46,516 --> 00:05:47,799
Invest now.
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00:05:47,801 --> 00:05:50,719
Seriously, it's like Apple
at ten dollars a share.
161
00:05:50,721 --> 00:05:51,720
Lily, please.
162
00:05:51,722 --> 00:05:53,221
Okay, I'm sorry.
163
00:05:53,223 --> 00:05:54,806
I'm just,
I'm a little distracted.
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00:05:54,808 --> 00:05:56,224
I-I got to get upstairs
165
00:05:56,226 --> 00:05:58,259
and check on
Ted and Marvin.
166
00:05:58,261 --> 00:06:02,063
Can we please just talk about
this Brobib thing another time?
167
00:06:04,734 --> 00:06:06,034
How was your day?
168
00:06:06,036 --> 00:06:08,102
Good, although I think
I just saw a woman
169
00:06:08,104 --> 00:06:10,071
with a full beard outside.
170
00:06:10,073 --> 00:06:11,373
Marvin crawled!
171
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:12,440
What?
172
00:06:12,442 --> 00:06:13,775
He's never done that before.
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00:06:13,777 --> 00:06:15,026
I know!
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00:06:15,028 --> 00:06:18,112
I think I just saw a guy
with breasts outside.
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00:06:18,114 --> 00:06:19,831
Marvin crawled.
176
00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,449
I can't believe it.
Believe it.
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00:06:21,451 --> 00:06:22,634
I took a video for you.
178
00:06:22,636 --> 00:06:23,802
(sighs)
179
00:06:23,804 --> 00:06:25,253
TED:
You're doing it, Marvin.
180
00:06:25,255 --> 00:06:27,455
Go, go, go, go, go.
181
00:06:27,457 --> 00:06:28,923
Oh!
182
00:06:28,925 --> 00:06:31,593
Your Uncle Ted is so proud.
183
00:06:31,595 --> 00:06:32,644
Whoops.
184
00:06:32,646 --> 00:06:34,062
Guess I had the camera flipped.
185
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,682
I use it to
check my teeth for debris.
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00:06:37,684 --> 00:06:38,817
(Marvin laughing)
187
00:06:38,819 --> 00:06:42,937
Ooh, sounds like
somebody's "crawling" me.
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00:06:43,773 --> 00:06:46,574
(whimpering)
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00:06:46,576 --> 00:06:48,493
Oh, sweetie, oh, come on.
190
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:51,196
Lil, listen, so we missed
the first time he crawled.
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00:06:51,198 --> 00:06:52,530
So what?
192
00:06:52,532 --> 00:06:54,499
We'll see it the
next time, I promise.
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00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,117
TED: Oh, my God,
he just did it again!
194
00:06:56,119 --> 00:06:58,319
(sobbing)
195
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:05,379
(sobbing) TED: Guys, get in here!
Marvin can't stop crawling!
196
00:07:05,579 --> 00:07:06,811
He's Holden Crawl-field!
197
00:07:06,813 --> 00:07:10,648
Get in here right now--
nope, nope, it's over.
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00:07:10,650 --> 00:07:12,517
(whimpering)
199
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,485
Okay, hey, I know.
200
00:07:14,487 --> 00:07:16,254
Baby, I know, I know.
201
00:07:16,256 --> 00:07:19,090
But, listen, there will be
plenty of other Marvin firsts.
202
00:07:19,092 --> 00:07:20,258
His first day
at school,
203
00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:22,327
his first trip to meet Santa,
204
00:07:22,329 --> 00:07:24,129
his first
touchdown pass for
205
00:07:24,131 --> 00:07:26,381
the 2032 Super Bowl champion
Vikings-- no pressure.
206
00:07:26,383 --> 00:07:29,184
I'll love him even if he runs
the ball into the end zone.
207
00:07:29,186 --> 00:07:32,503
So can we please just let
this crawling thing go?
208
00:07:32,505 --> 00:07:33,889
Yeah, okay. You're right.
209
00:07:33,891 --> 00:07:35,640
I mean, I'm being nuts.
210
00:07:35,642 --> 00:07:37,275
We'll see it when we see it.
211
00:07:37,277 --> 00:07:38,310
Yeah.
212
00:07:38,312 --> 00:07:39,744
Do it.
213
00:07:39,746 --> 00:07:41,846
If you ever want to
see these boobs again,
214
00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:43,815
crawl, you son of a me.
215
00:07:43,817 --> 00:07:45,450
Come on, Lil.
216
00:07:45,452 --> 00:07:49,371
You know what they say:
a watched tot never crawls.
217
00:07:49,373 --> 00:07:51,339
(chuckles)
218
00:07:51,341 --> 00:07:53,158
Or calls you later in life,
219
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,126
after it sees
this disturbing footage.
220
00:07:55,128 --> 00:07:58,129
Hey, Lily, Marshall.
221
00:07:58,131 --> 00:07:59,664
Uh, Lily, we need to talk.
222
00:07:59,666 --> 00:08:01,666
Oh, that sounds serious!
223
00:08:01,668 --> 00:08:02,901
Oh, you guys should
talk about it
224
00:08:02,903 --> 00:08:04,920
down at the bar
until after Marvin's asleep.
225
00:08:04,922 --> 00:08:06,371
And if you want to
stay down there until
226
00:08:06,373 --> 00:08:07,639
after SportsCenter's over,
that's fine, too.
227
00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:10,842
Ooh.
228
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:11,843
Keep shooting.
229
00:08:11,845 --> 00:08:14,012
If you miss it,
I'm leaving you.
230
00:08:15,714 --> 00:08:17,182
(Marvin giggles)
231
00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:22,871
Yeah, that seems
about right.
232
00:08:22,873 --> 00:08:24,990
Sorry if I'm
bad company.
233
00:08:24,992 --> 00:08:26,274
I'm not sure anything is gonna
234
00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:29,160
take my mind off of missing
Marvin's first crawl.
235
00:08:29,162 --> 00:08:31,529
Lily, I've had a revelation.
236
00:08:31,531 --> 00:08:32,948
Brobibs for women.
237
00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:34,332
Bitchbibs!
238
00:08:34,334 --> 00:08:35,566
You know Barney's gonna sue us,
239
00:08:35,568 --> 00:08:37,285
but damn it,
let's just go for it.
240
00:08:37,287 --> 00:08:38,569
No, Lily, this is serious.
241
00:08:38,571 --> 00:08:41,039
When that doctor told me
I couldn't eat lobster
242
00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:43,291
and I did it anyway,
it almost killed me.
243
00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:44,509
But here's the thing:
244
00:08:44,511 --> 00:08:46,911
I never wanted lobster again.
245
00:08:46,913 --> 00:08:48,346
So the solution is obvious.
246
00:08:48,348 --> 00:08:50,682
The only way to get
Barney out of my system
247
00:08:50,684 --> 00:08:54,803
is to get him into my system,
one last time.
248
00:08:54,805 --> 00:08:56,221
It's brilliant, right?
249
00:08:56,223 --> 00:08:57,422
Not brilliant at all.
250
00:08:57,424 --> 00:08:59,391
Thanks for being on board.
Not on board.
251
00:08:59,393 --> 00:09:01,026
It means a lot.
Big mistake.
252
00:09:01,028 --> 00:09:02,894
You're my girl.
253
00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:07,198
Now it's just a question
of how to get him...
254
00:09:09,318 --> 00:09:11,653
(panting): Hey, Robin,
I just got your text.
255
00:09:11,655 --> 00:09:12,871
What's the big emergency?
256
00:09:12,873 --> 00:09:13,872
Hi, Barney!
257
00:09:13,874 --> 00:09:15,407
You seem like you run fast.
258
00:09:15,409 --> 00:09:17,442
Do you want me to fan you
with my US magazine?
259
00:09:17,444 --> 00:09:19,210
He's fine.
Thanks, Patrice.
260
00:09:21,130 --> 00:09:22,964
Oh, thank goodness you're here.
261
00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:24,883
I just got this
new printer,
262
00:09:24,885 --> 00:09:26,418
and I need somebody
big and strong
263
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:28,003
to take it to my office for me.
264
00:09:28,005 --> 00:09:30,588
I promise to repay you.
265
00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:32,290
We'll do it
for you, Robin!
266
00:09:32,292 --> 00:09:35,393
Don't you have a late-breaking
weather story to cover, Brandi?
267
00:09:35,395 --> 00:09:37,128
Oh, I did it already.
268
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:38,129
It rained.
269
00:09:38,131 --> 00:09:39,164
(cell phone ringing)
270
00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:40,631
Oh, I got to jump on
271
00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,267
a big Brobibs
conference call.
272
00:09:42,269 --> 00:09:45,820
The lawyer from Dude Aprons
is really busting my balls.
273
00:09:45,822 --> 00:09:46,988
See ya.
274
00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:47,906
(Robin sighs)
275
00:09:47,908 --> 00:09:51,476
Nobody asked
for your help, Patrice!
276
00:09:51,478 --> 00:09:54,779
You either, Brandi!
277
00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:58,316
(giggles):
Stop it.
278
00:09:58,318 --> 00:09:59,534
Hey, hey.
279
00:09:59,536 --> 00:10:02,287
What are you guys doing
slobbering all over my friend?
280
00:10:02,289 --> 00:10:04,539
Oh, Barney, don't be jealous.
281
00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:08,009
If you're gonna drool,
do it in style!
282
00:10:08,011 --> 00:10:11,463
Just go to Brobibs.com.
283
00:10:11,465 --> 00:10:13,848
We've got every look
in the book.
284
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:17,135
The Business Casual.
285
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:19,270
The Preppy.
286
00:10:20,773 --> 00:10:23,274
The Robin Williams.
287
00:10:25,111 --> 00:10:26,644
(laughs)
288
00:10:26,646 --> 00:10:27,779
Bib up!
289
00:10:27,781 --> 00:10:29,280
Brobibs is in no way
affiliated with,
290
00:10:29,282 --> 00:10:31,616
inspired by or derivative of
Dude Aprons.
291
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,821
(video game weapons zapping)
292
00:10:36,823 --> 00:10:38,289
Hey, there.
293
00:10:39,158 --> 00:10:40,392
Hey!
294
00:10:40,394 --> 00:10:43,461
It is so good to see you.
295
00:10:43,463 --> 00:10:44,713
(weapons zapping)
296
00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:46,464
BARNEY:
Thanks, Robin.
297
00:10:46,466 --> 00:10:49,000
This game affects my
league score. (yells)
298
00:10:52,104 --> 00:10:54,589
Look, I don't agree
with your lobster quest,
299
00:10:54,591 --> 00:10:57,509
but I can't stand watching you
make a fool of yourself.
300
00:10:57,511 --> 00:11:00,044
You want the fix?
I got the fix.
301
00:11:00,046 --> 00:11:01,679
Back in college...
302
00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:04,399
it was love at first sightfor me and Marshall,
303
00:11:04,401 --> 00:11:07,652
but when it came to makingthe first move, well,
304
00:11:07,654 --> 00:11:09,521
he needed help.
305
00:11:09,523 --> 00:11:13,575
So I took mattersinto my own hands.
306
00:11:13,577 --> 00:11:15,226
♪
307
00:11:15,228 --> 00:11:18,580
Let's get
out of here.
308
00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:22,867
You just need a girl
who, I don't know,
309
00:11:22,869 --> 00:11:25,170
gets a few drinks in her
and wants to have fun
310
00:11:25,172 --> 00:11:26,621
and put on a show.
Mm-hmm.
311
00:11:26,623 --> 00:11:29,240
And it drives guys crazy,
'cause you both
312
00:11:29,242 --> 00:11:30,592
don't even care.
313
00:11:30,594 --> 00:11:32,877
It's just stupid and fun.
314
00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:33,845
(sighs)
315
00:11:33,847 --> 00:11:35,913
Lily, that sounds perfect.
Thank you.
316
00:11:35,915 --> 00:11:38,349
Mm. Just stupid.
317
00:11:38,351 --> 00:11:40,585
Stupid and fun.
318
00:11:40,587 --> 00:11:43,021
(chuckles)
319
00:11:46,442 --> 00:11:49,194
Who the hell is that?
320
00:11:49,196 --> 00:11:50,545
Hey, guys.
321
00:11:50,547 --> 00:11:53,882
Barney, this is Brandi,
my fun friend from work,
322
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:55,766
who just doesn't even care.
323
00:11:56,702 --> 00:11:58,069
Hello, Brandi.
324
00:11:58,071 --> 00:12:00,071
Congratulations on the gig.
325
00:12:00,073 --> 00:12:01,105
Aw, thank you!
326
00:12:01,107 --> 00:12:03,241
World Wide News is
an amazing place to work.
327
00:12:03,243 --> 00:12:06,578
Not that gig, sweetheart.
(raspy sigh)
328
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:14,152
(heavy breathing)
LILY: Marshall!
329
00:12:14,154 --> 00:12:16,971
What? Ow.
330
00:12:16,973 --> 00:12:18,089
It's late.
331
00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:19,924
I'm so tipsy.
332
00:12:19,926 --> 00:12:21,092
(laughs)
333
00:12:21,094 --> 00:12:23,794
It is late.
We should get out of here.
334
00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:29,818
So, Brandi, ever sneak
into the studio
335
00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:31,820
and do it in front of
the weather map?
336
00:12:31,822 --> 00:12:33,605
No. Why do you ask?
337
00:12:33,607 --> 00:12:35,073
No reason.
338
00:12:35,075 --> 00:12:36,691
(chuckles)
339
00:12:36,693 --> 00:12:40,144
Someone is about to get
unseasonably banged.
340
00:12:42,431 --> 00:12:44,165
Damn it!
341
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:45,583
What did I do wrong?
342
00:12:45,585 --> 00:12:48,486
Nothing. It was awesome.
Oh, Marshall, let's go!
343
00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:54,843
Hey.
Hey, Lilypad!
344
00:12:54,845 --> 00:12:56,344
So, don't be upset.
345
00:12:56,346 --> 00:12:57,345
Ted...
346
00:12:57,347 --> 00:12:59,347
took Marvin shopping
347
00:12:59,349 --> 00:13:01,966
and sort of bought him...
348
00:13:01,968 --> 00:13:03,935
all his winter clothes.
349
00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:05,937
(Lily squeals)
TED (over baby monitor): Get ready
350
00:13:05,939 --> 00:13:07,455
for our star runway model--
351
00:13:07,457 --> 00:13:10,425
or should I say,
our star crawlway model.
352
00:13:10,427 --> 00:13:12,060
He's doing it again, guys!
Get in here!
353
00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:14,362
N-No-no, it's over.
354
00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:16,281
That's it. Ted's fired.
355
00:13:16,283 --> 00:13:19,400
Fired? No, c-come on, Lily,
he's helping us out.
356
00:13:19,402 --> 00:13:20,785
Plus, next week,
your dad'll be back,
357
00:13:20,787 --> 00:13:22,954
and Ted has the meeting
with that headhunter.
358
00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:24,689
Let's just stay cool.
359
00:13:24,691 --> 00:13:26,824
TED:
Starting at quarterback,
360
00:13:26,826 --> 00:13:29,077
the pride of Cleveland...
361
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:32,196
(gasps) Marvin Eriksen!
Right?
362
00:13:32,198 --> 00:13:34,966
Right, guys? He's gonna be
a little Browns fan.
363
00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:36,701
(wails)
364
00:13:36,703 --> 00:13:39,170
Oh, by the way, I cancelled that
meeting with the headhunter,
365
00:13:39,172 --> 00:13:41,205
so I can take care
of Marvin next week.
366
00:13:41,207 --> 00:13:43,541
What? No, no, my dad'll
be better by then.
367
00:13:43,543 --> 00:13:45,143
Oh, I gave Mickey the month off.
368
00:13:45,145 --> 00:13:48,012
It's supposed to snow, and, uh,
Uncle Ted doesn't want to miss
369
00:13:48,014 --> 00:13:49,681
Marvin's first sleigh ride.
370
00:13:49,683 --> 00:13:51,182
You're fired.
You're fired.
371
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:01,415
Marvin has a bib with little...
little dinosaurs on it.
372
00:14:01,417 --> 00:14:03,250
Maybe you should
make one like that.
373
00:14:03,252 --> 00:14:05,920
Brobibs are for grown men
wearing bibs, Ted.
374
00:14:05,922 --> 00:14:08,389
I don't want them
looking like idiots.
375
00:14:08,391 --> 00:14:10,007
(phone rings)
376
00:14:10,009 --> 00:14:13,127
Lily, Marshall, you know you
can't keep him away from me.
377
00:14:13,129 --> 00:14:14,595
He's gonna start
asking questions.
378
00:14:14,597 --> 00:14:15,729
Calm down, Ted.
379
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,297
We-we just wanted
to apologize.
380
00:14:17,299 --> 00:14:18,816
We overreacted before.
381
00:14:18,818 --> 00:14:19,967
Mm-hmm.
382
00:14:19,969 --> 00:14:21,352
LILY:
Meet us
383
00:14:21,354 --> 00:14:24,304
at the swim class you
apparently signed Marvin up for.
384
00:14:24,306 --> 00:14:25,940
Bubble Buddies?
I'd love t...
385
00:14:25,942 --> 00:14:28,359
I mean, I'll have
to check my skedge.
386
00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:30,477
Sorry. When I'm excited,
387
00:14:30,479 --> 00:14:31,662
I abbreviate words I shouldn't.
388
00:14:31,664 --> 00:14:32,913
LILY:
Come on, Ted,
389
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,031
what do you say?
390
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,416
Fab. Perf.
391
00:14:35,418 --> 00:14:36,200
Sorry.
392
00:14:36,202 --> 00:14:37,651
See you at B-Buds.
393
00:14:37,653 --> 00:14:39,319
Bubble Buddies. Sorry.
394
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:44,591
Augie. Jayden.
395
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:47,211
Dylan. Girl Dylan.
396
00:14:47,213 --> 00:14:49,596
LILY: Hey, Ted.
Hey. Where's Marvin?
397
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:52,182
Does Coach Amber have him
warming up in the Jacooz?
398
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,550
Sorry again.
399
00:14:53,552 --> 00:14:56,971
Aw, hey, buddy, listen,
we wanted to talk to you
400
00:14:56,973 --> 00:15:00,140
about how you've kind of been
overdoing it with Marvin.
401
00:15:00,142 --> 00:15:01,642
I haven't been overdoing it.
402
00:15:01,644 --> 00:15:03,827
Ted, we're in
a baby swim class,
403
00:15:03,829 --> 00:15:05,696
and clearly you've
done something extreme
404
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:08,449
to get the naming rights
to that lollipop bin.
405
00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:11,518
MARSHALL:
But I-I think that we've
406
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,186
figured out what's
going on with you.
407
00:15:13,188 --> 00:15:14,788
See, after we
let you go...
408
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:16,490
What is this?
409
00:15:16,492 --> 00:15:18,709
Marvin'sBook of Firsts?
410
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,370
(Lily gasps loudly)
411
00:15:30,372 --> 00:15:32,639
Ted took Marvin
to see Santa?!
412
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,475
Oh, I am gonna
take this book
413
00:15:34,477 --> 00:15:36,643
and I'm gonna shove it
so far up his...
414
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:38,512
The point is,
it made us remember
415
00:15:38,514 --> 00:15:40,213
another scrapbook you made.
416
00:15:50,809 --> 00:15:53,060
That project really
was your baby,
417
00:15:53,062 --> 00:15:56,396
and now it's over, and
you're scared to move on.
418
00:15:56,398 --> 00:15:59,700
I poured my blood, sweat
and tears into that building.
419
00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:01,568
Though, to be fair,
a lot of that happened
420
00:16:01,570 --> 00:16:03,787
the day I accidentally fell
down the elevator shaft.
421
00:16:03,789 --> 00:16:04,788
Mm.
422
00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:05,906
The point is,
423
00:16:05,908 --> 00:16:07,257
it's just really hard to let go.
424
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:09,510
Especially when that building's
my biggest accomplishment.
425
00:16:09,512 --> 00:16:10,711
I mean,
426
00:16:10,713 --> 00:16:13,097
maybe if I was where
you guys are at in life,
427
00:16:13,099 --> 00:16:15,349
with all you have
to be proud of...
428
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,220
We get it, okay?
429
00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:22,556
You're always gonna be
Uncle Ted.
430
00:16:22,558 --> 00:16:23,941
But if Marvin
431
00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:25,509
can't be your next project,
432
00:16:25,511 --> 00:16:27,444
you need one of your own,
433
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:30,647
and so we rescheduled
your meeting with that headhunter.
434
00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:33,117
He's over there.
435
00:16:34,486 --> 00:16:36,653
Which one is he?
436
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:39,239
Thanks, guys.
437
00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:41,041
Marvin and I are lucky
you're our parents.
438
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,493
Aw.
439
00:16:42,495 --> 00:16:44,411
Oh, hey, Ted?
440
00:16:44,413 --> 00:16:46,163
It's kind of a big,
professional meeting--
441
00:16:46,165 --> 00:16:48,248
you might want to trade out
that lollipop
442
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:49,950
for a shirt.
(chuckles): Yeah.
443
00:16:49,952 --> 00:16:52,619
I'll just give it to one of these kids.
Oh, buddy.
444
00:16:52,621 --> 00:16:53,921
What?
You're half naked,
445
00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:56,957
you're not a parent to
any of these children--
446
00:16:56,959 --> 00:16:58,892
don't offer 'em candy.
447
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,563
I can't believe Barney
went home with Brandi.
448
00:17:02,565 --> 00:17:05,099
I should have asked you
to do that play with me.
449
00:17:05,101 --> 00:17:07,484
Well, it's too late now,
isn't it?
450
00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:09,302
There he is. Straddle me.
Start grinding.
451
00:17:09,304 --> 00:17:10,521
Nothing's off-limits.
452
00:17:11,356 --> 00:17:13,657
So, last night
453
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:16,193
Brandi and I got
to the WWN studios,
454
00:17:16,195 --> 00:17:18,278
and my high-pressure system
455
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,281
was ready to slam
into her warm front.
456
00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:22,950
The studio's unlocked,
457
00:17:22,952 --> 00:17:24,118
the weather map's up--
458
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,753
ready to do it in 17
different states at once?
459
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:27,788
(chuckles)
460
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:29,823
Um, actually...
461
00:17:29,825 --> 00:17:32,209
I don't think I want that.
462
00:17:33,294 --> 00:17:34,845
I'm sorry.
463
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:35,996
I'm-I'm...
464
00:17:35,998 --> 00:17:37,631
I'm gonna go.
465
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:40,601
Wait, you didn't
sleep with her?
466
00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:41,685
Nope.
467
00:17:41,687 --> 00:17:43,520
I spent the night
thinking about
468
00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:46,723
how everything I've done
since Quinn and I broke up
469
00:17:46,725 --> 00:17:48,809
has been a cry for help.
470
00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:50,694
Dressing a dog up like me,
471
00:17:50,696 --> 00:17:52,396
hooking up with
all those nannies...
472
00:17:52,398 --> 00:17:54,615
Brobibs?
No, those are solid.
473
00:17:54,617 --> 00:17:55,616
I still want in.
474
00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:58,852
And I realized that...
I'm searching,
475
00:17:58,854 --> 00:18:01,655
searching for what
I really want in life,
476
00:18:01,657 --> 00:18:03,040
and you know what?
477
00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:06,960
I have absolutely
no idea what that is.
478
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:09,213
Wow.
479
00:18:09,215 --> 00:18:11,364
Barney...
But...
480
00:18:11,366 --> 00:18:13,634
I'm going
to figure it out.
481
00:18:13,636 --> 00:18:15,469
I have to.
482
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:17,838
Good night, guys.
483
00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:22,726
God, I feel awful.
484
00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:23,594
Barney is
485
00:18:23,596 --> 00:18:24,978
going through something big,
486
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,898
and I've been obsessing
about one stupid final hookup
487
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,067
to get him out of my system.
488
00:18:30,069 --> 00:18:31,268
(sighs)
489
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:32,886
He needs space...
490
00:18:32,888 --> 00:18:35,055
and time to figure things out.
491
00:18:35,057 --> 00:18:37,057
And I have to give it to him.
492
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:38,275
(knocking on door)
493
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,578
Robin? What are you doing here?
It's okay
494
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:44,498
if you don't know
what you want in life...
495
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:49,286
...as long as you know
what you want...
496
00:18:49,288 --> 00:18:52,405
tonight.
497
00:18:53,241 --> 00:18:54,291
Well...
498
00:18:54,293 --> 00:18:56,760
I do know what I want.
499
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,747
Hi, Robin!
500
00:19:00,749 --> 00:19:04,084
Nobody asked you
here, Patrice!
501
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,721
Actually, I did.
502
00:19:07,723 --> 00:19:09,389
Last night.
503
00:19:09,391 --> 00:19:11,475
Let me go see if
the studio's open.
504
00:19:11,477 --> 00:19:13,760
(chuckles softly)
All right.
505
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:18,431
Oh, hi, Barney.
506
00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:19,900
I'm working late.
(laughs)
507
00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:21,568
What are you doing here?
508
00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:24,705
I'm... (sighs)
509
00:19:24,707 --> 00:19:27,791
I don't know what
I'm doing... here.
510
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:31,828
Barney... I don't know
you that well, but...
511
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:33,580
are you okay?
512
00:19:33,582 --> 00:19:35,782
Yeah. What do you mean?
513
00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:37,167
Well, whenever I see
someone unhappy,
514
00:19:37,169 --> 00:19:39,086
I get the urge
to give them cookies,
515
00:19:39,088 --> 00:19:41,638
and I really want
to give you cookies right now.
516
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:45,092
Cookie?
517
00:19:45,094 --> 00:19:47,794
Lame. No, thanks.
518
00:19:47,796 --> 00:19:49,629
You sure?
They're heart-shaped.
519
00:19:49,631 --> 00:19:51,932
Sorry, a couple
of them are broken.
520
00:19:51,934 --> 00:19:55,468
(sobbing): I know how they feel.
I'd love one.
521
00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:57,470
After that,
I sent Brandi packing,
522
00:19:57,472 --> 00:19:59,823
and Patrice and I
talked all night.
523
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:00,857
We're...
524
00:20:00,859 --> 00:20:03,860
kind of on a
date right now.
525
00:20:03,862 --> 00:20:06,163
But if you'd like
to throw on some clothes
526
00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:07,497
and join us for Crazy Eights...
527
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:08,782
I can deal you in!
528
00:20:08,784 --> 00:20:10,817
My deck has puppies on it!
529
00:20:10,819 --> 00:20:12,202
Arf-arf!
530
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:16,323
Um...
531
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:18,875
I...
532
00:20:18,877 --> 00:20:20,877
got to go.
533
00:20:25,556 --> 00:20:27,775
Look, I still feel bad
I went too far
534
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:31,210
with all the Marvin firsts--
the Santa thing, especially.
535
00:20:31,241 --> 00:20:32,707
I mean,
I should've known.
536
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,275
Are you sure
you guys forgive me?
537
00:20:34,277 --> 00:20:36,444
Absolutely.
Don't worry, no grudges.
538
00:20:36,446 --> 00:20:38,529
Great.
Next round's on me.
539
00:20:40,732 --> 00:20:42,617
Coming, honey!
540
00:20:42,619 --> 00:20:45,203
Okay, you guys have
all the numbers-- my cell,
541
00:20:45,205 --> 00:20:47,505
the restaurant,
Center for Disease Control?
542
00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:49,924
She's with her Aunt Lily
and Uncle Marshall.
543
00:20:49,926 --> 00:20:51,959
Nothing's gonna happen.
544
00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:53,044
You're right.
(chuckles)
545
00:20:53,046 --> 00:20:54,045
You're totally right.
546
00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:55,546
Okay...
547
00:20:55,548 --> 00:20:56,580
Bye, sweetie.
548
00:20:56,582 --> 00:20:57,849
Here, you...
549
00:20:57,851 --> 00:21:00,051
Mm...
550
00:21:01,387 --> 00:21:04,105
Get out of here, ya crazy.
Would you get out of here already.
551
00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:06,724
(Lily giggles)
552
00:21:07,096 --> 00:21:09,629
Who's ready to meet Santa?
553
00:21:09,729 --> 00:21:14,729
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
37954
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