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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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NARRATOR: Kids, once yourUncle Marshall and Aunt Lily
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found a nanny for baby Marvin,
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00:00:05,491 --> 00:00:06,824
they were excited
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00:00:06,826 --> 00:00:09,626
for their first day outtogether in five months.
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And so were we.
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(all cheer)
Mama.
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Dada.
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Hi, gang.
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Ooh.
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Ah, so, now that there's no
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screaming baby to distract us,
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what have you guys been up to lately?
Yeah.
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NARRATOR: This was a surprisinglyloaded question.
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You see, rightafter Marvin was born,
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Lily and Marshallhad issued a decree.
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New rule: you can't come to us
with any issue
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unless it's an eight
or higher.
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And we were doingour best to abide.
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MARSHALL:
Ted, how are things
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going with Victoria?
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My dad made the funniest joke.
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He said that since you're
the reason I left the wedding,
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you owe him the $70,000
he paid for it,
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or else.
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(laughs)
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You know, he's not
usually funny like that.
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Not promising,but not an eight.
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Everything's great.
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00:01:03,182 --> 00:01:05,516
And Robin, how's
everything with Nick?
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Finally ready
for a ride on the bike?
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Who? Me?
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Let's ride, Big Daddy.
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Oh, yeah.
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Mama likey.
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♪ ♪
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Robin, over here.
Ooh.
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Eco-friendly.
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She runs on corn.
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ROBIN: Totally lady bone killer,but not an eight.
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Everything's great.
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And how are things
for the old Barnacle?
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(both panting)
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BARNEY:
Not an eight.
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At best, she was a six,six and a half.
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More like a four by the timeI was done with her.
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Mental self-five.
(hands smack)
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Everything's great.
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To long-awaited MacLaren's
return of Marshall and Lily.
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(all cheer)
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ALL:
Mmm.
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I've missed this.
Okay. We got to go.
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W-what?
You just got here.
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I cleared my whole night
for you guys.
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I didn't even bring
my booty-call phone.
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Oh, I'm sorry,
but we just really
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need some time
to ourselves.
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I promise
we'll hang out soon.
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See you guys.
Bye.
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♪ Booty, booty, booty,
booty rocking everywhere ♪
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♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty
rocking everywhere ♪
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♪ Booty, booty, booty, booty ♪
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Yeah, like I'm going
to leave this at home.
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Barney Stinson.
How may I direct my penis?
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TED:
Oh, geez.
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It is so nice to be out
in the fresh air.
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You smell that?
Ooh.
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That's the smell of urine
that isn't Marvin's.
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Oh, God, I miss that smell.
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You know, I thought
we'd spend the whole time
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worrying about Marvin,
but it's actually nice to be out
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in the world, living life.
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Yeah.
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(car tires screech)
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(both scream)
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Death is all around us.
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Wow, that urine smell
just got a lot stronger.
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x04 ♪
Who Wants to Be a Godparent?
Original Air Date on October 15, 2012
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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So, you guys spent
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your first night out
in five months,
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00:03:18,901 --> 00:03:20,884
sitting at home planning
for your own deaths?
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Yeah, we found this Web site
that helps you make a will.
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In the event of your death...
Ooh!
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I'm sorry.
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It-it's just-just real sad
to think about.
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Oh, I know.
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All right.
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In the event of your death...
(sobs)
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Okay, no, you know what?
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Let's just start
with something easy.
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Okay.
Okay?
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Please enter your zip code.
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(sobbing): We'll never
get mail again.
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I keep reassuring Lily
that this is all hypothetical.
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Relatively speaking,
New York City is very safe.
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Please, faulty elevators,
exploding man hole covers,
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jealous husbands.
Mmm.
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This place is
a coroner's paradise.
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Ooh!
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00:04:00,092 --> 00:04:02,809
They are way more likely to eat
it in a mugging gone wrong.
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00:04:02,811 --> 00:04:04,695
There was a double hommy
on your block like a week ago.
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Caught it on the scanner
during lunch.
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Knife job.
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Guy made a real mess
of it too.
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(sobbing)
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Anyway,
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then we got to the section
about picking a guardian.
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Sometimes couples choose one
of their parents as a guardian.
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That makes it simple.
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My mom.
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Your mom?
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What's wrong with my mom?
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Are you...
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(rapid gibberish)
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Fine. All right.
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Marvin won't go
to my loving mother.
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But he's got to go to somebody.
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Fine.
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What about my mom?
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(scoffs)
Your mom?
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Um, excuse...
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Fine.
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Not my mom.
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What about my dad?
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Your dad?
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Okay, yeah, he's out.
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Wait a minute.
You know who could be good?
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00:05:00,119 --> 00:05:01,568
My brother Marcus.
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He's like a great dad.
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00:05:03,589 --> 00:05:04,821
Do you remember
his Christmas card?
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(Christmas music playing)
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Questionable denim choices
aside, Marcus is a good dad.
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I guess if Marvin has to go
to anyone, it should be family.
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Okay, great.
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Okay.
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00:05:18,971 --> 00:05:20,804
Marcus, hey, how's it going?
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Pretty freaking sweet, buttwipe.
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I packed up all my crap; I said,
"See ya" to Sarah and the kids;
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00:05:27,079 --> 00:05:28,979
and I finally got my dream job
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00:05:28,981 --> 00:05:32,215
as a mixologist down here
at Carnalism 2.
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(sighs)
Hold on.
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Some punk's trying to use
his snorkel rental as a bong.
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Hey!
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(Jamaican accent) You be packin' that bowl
too tight, mon.
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So, now we don't
have a guardian.
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You know, as your best friend,
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if called upon,
I'd be honored to raise Marvin.
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00:05:51,754 --> 00:05:54,354
If you want him to be raised
by his underwear on a flagpole,
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Ted's your guy.
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00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:56,423
If you want him
pulling the chord
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00:05:56,425 --> 00:05:58,008
on some other
nerd's panties,
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(clicks tongue)
I'm your guy.
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I'll teach that kid
how to be awesome
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in ways you and Lily
never could.
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00:06:03,265 --> 00:06:05,232
It's going to be legend...
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00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,566
...wait for it,
no, I won't wait for it
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00:06:06,568 --> 00:06:07,934
and neither should
little baby Marvin,
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00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:09,236
so maybe it's better
if you two just die right now...
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00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,904
...dary.
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00:06:10,906 --> 00:06:16,076
NARRATOR: And so began the longest weekof Lily and Marshall's lives.
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Huh?
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00:06:18,362 --> 00:06:20,080
Huh?
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♪ Bro McDonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-bro ♪
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♪ And on that farm
he had some chicks ♪
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♪ E-I-E-I-bro ♪
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♪ With a hot chick here
and a dumb chick there... ♪
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Huh? Huh?
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00:06:42,753 --> 00:06:45,588
♪ Bro, bro, bro your broat ♪
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♪ Gently to the bar ♪
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00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:50,777
♪ Hit on sluts,
then do ten shots and... ♪
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Huh? Huh?
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00:07:00,538 --> 00:07:03,039
Aah!
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00:07:06,244 --> 00:07:09,279
♪ The boobs on the bus
go up and down ♪
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00:07:09,281 --> 00:07:11,548
♪ Up and down, up and down ♪
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♪ The boobs on the bus
go up and down ♪
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♪ All through the town. ♪
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ROBIN:
What?
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00:07:25,564 --> 00:07:27,681
You think you can bribe them
with a stroller?
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00:07:27,683 --> 00:07:29,232
They already got one, foo.
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00:07:29,234 --> 00:07:31,801
Oh, this is no stroller, Robin.
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I call it the Broller.
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Go ahead. Look inside.
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(sighs)
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I don't get it.
I don't see anything.
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Yeah, but Papa does.
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00:07:43,865 --> 00:07:46,833
Those Robin's boobies?
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00:07:46,835 --> 00:07:49,452
When new nubile hotties lean in
to inspect your bundle of joy,
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you can inspect
their bundles of joy.
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The Broller.
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God, I come up
with a lot of good stuff.
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Hey, guys, hey...
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Hey.
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00:07:58,013 --> 00:07:59,829
Lily and I need you
to come upstairs.
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This is an important decision
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00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,350
and we can't have you
constantly interrupting us
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00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,435
with this childish competition.
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00:08:05,437 --> 00:08:08,638
Which is why
we're going to make it
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00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,341
an official competition!
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00:08:11,343 --> 00:08:13,676
We're going to play
Who Wants to Be a Godparent?
200
00:08:13,678 --> 00:08:16,496
Right after this word
from our sponsors.
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00:08:18,783 --> 00:08:20,867
Why is he talking
to the wall?
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00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:28,525
Wait, this is how you're going
to choose a guardian for Marvin?
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00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,142
I mean, why don't
you just put us
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00:08:30,144 --> 00:08:32,677
in a three-way cage match and
go with whoever's left standing?
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00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,964
We talked about that, but it
gave Robin an unfair advantage.
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00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:38,066
MARSHALL: Yeah, you see,
guys, we were
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00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:40,052
really struggling
with this decision.
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♪ All through the town. ♪
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00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,974
Babe, I know
these guys have been
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00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:48,527
a little over the top lately.
LILY: A little?
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00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,564
But we still have to pick
a guardian just in case.
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00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:53,665
In case of what?
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00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,200
Don't make me say it.
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00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,585
Say it. I can handle it.
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00:08:56,587 --> 00:08:57,586
Say it.
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00:08:57,588 --> 00:08:59,588
In case we die.
217
00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:02,323
(sobbing)
218
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,527
How can you even say it?
219
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:07,045
MARSHALL: And then I thoughtwhat do you do
220
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,964
if you gota wifewho won't stop crying,
221
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:11,716
three idiotswho won't stop bribing you,
222
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:15,337
and a universally belovedskill for gamesmanship?
223
00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:17,472
You take a bunch
of guardianship scenarios,
224
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,691
throw them on a wheel,
buy your wife an expensive dress
225
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,675
so she'll participate.
226
00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:22,227
I'm pretty again.
227
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,845
Bottom line is
I just wanted
228
00:09:23,847 --> 00:09:26,148
to make the idea
of me and Lily dying...
229
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,849
fun.
Oh.
230
00:09:27,851 --> 00:09:29,734
Now, if you'll step behind
your podiums, we'll get started.
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00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,536
(game show music plays)
232
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,705
(clears throat)
233
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:34,756
Contestants,
234
00:09:34,758 --> 00:09:35,874
here's how the game works.
235
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,243
Lily will spin that wheel.
Not yet.
236
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,162
When it lands
on a parenting issue,
237
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:43,965
you'll each describe how
you would handle it with Marvin.
238
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,750
The contestant with the
highest score gets to be
239
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:46,968
his godparent.
240
00:09:46,970 --> 00:09:48,753
Ready to play?
Great. Lily,
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00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,589
spin that wheel!
242
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:53,892
(music stops)
243
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:57,596
Okay, now, see, um, enthusiasm
will factor into your scores.
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00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,814
So, I say again:
245
00:09:58,816 --> 00:10:00,432
Lily, spin...
246
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,050
ALL:
Spin that wheel!
247
00:10:02,052 --> 00:10:05,887
♪ ♪
248
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:09,608
MARSHALL:
Ooh.
249
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,725
Our demise.
250
00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:11,943
(sobs)
(clears throat)
251
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,995
Barney, how would you
252
00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:18,567
explain to little Marvin
why we're not around anymore?
253
00:10:18,569 --> 00:10:20,902
No.
254
00:10:20,904 --> 00:10:23,622
Easy, all I'd have to do
is change a few words
255
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,891
to one of my classics
with the ladies.
256
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,844
The President of the World
has called your parents away
257
00:10:28,846 --> 00:10:30,846
on a super-secret
space mission.
258
00:10:30,848 --> 00:10:34,599
For the sake of the planet,
you will never see them again.
259
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:37,085
Now pick up your toys
and say good night to Daddy.
260
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:39,354
What do you know?
That last line stays the same.
261
00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:40,422
Judges?
262
00:10:40,424 --> 00:10:41,106
(blows raspberry)
263
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:43,141
MARSHALL:
Okay, Robin,
264
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,693
what would you do, and remember,
265
00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:46,528
"President of the World
called parents away
266
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:49,397
for a super-secret space
mission" has already been taken.
267
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,551
Well, my dad was always upfront
and honest with me,
268
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:54,486
so that's how I would be.
269
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:57,405
All right, kid, here's
the deal with the deal.
270
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,623
Your mom and dad are done-ski.
271
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,292
Belly-flopped
off a subway platform.
272
00:11:00,294 --> 00:11:02,961
Mom busted open like a piñata.
273
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:05,647
What was left of your dad
hung around for a few days.
274
00:11:05,649 --> 00:11:07,132
Anyway, plug's pulled.
Organs donated.
275
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,968
Long story short: I'm your
new mommy now. (chuckles)
276
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,053
Sah-wish!
277
00:11:12,055 --> 00:11:13,104
(sobbing)
278
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:17,292
Well, I was saving these
for the showcase,
279
00:11:17,294 --> 00:11:20,011
but here.
Hey, Lily, look, baby,
280
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,513
his-and-her watches.
281
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,882
Ooh.
282
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:27,369
(clears throat)
Ted, the category's all yours.
283
00:11:27,371 --> 00:11:29,287
Okay, here's what I would say.
284
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:32,657
Well, Marvin, explaining
where your parents are
285
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:33,858
isn't gonna be easy.
286
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:38,496
Even I-- Lily and Marshall's
best friend
287
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:42,150
for almost 20 years--
288
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:45,754
will have
a hard time doing it.
289
00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:50,592
But I do know a guy who's very
good at this sort of thing.
290
00:11:51,994 --> 00:11:53,929
Professor Infosaurus!
291
00:11:54,730 --> 00:11:56,298
(high voice):
Hey, there, squirt!
292
00:11:56,300 --> 00:12:01,620
Death is a difficult
yet unfortunate certainty.
293
00:12:01,622 --> 00:12:04,172
Good enough!
Ted wins the round!
294
00:12:04,174 --> 00:12:05,807
Yes! Yes!
You'll see.
295
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:09,060
Professor Infosaurus will be
a big, big hit with children.
296
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,281
Isn't that right, kids?
297
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:17,836
Moving on.
298
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,706
"Discipline."
299
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,359
"How would you handle Marvin
300
00:12:24,361 --> 00:12:27,879
taking another kid's toy?"
Barney?
301
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,681
(scoffs)
That's easy.
302
00:12:32,635 --> 00:12:34,586
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm calling Child Services.
303
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,404
Wait for it.
304
00:12:36,406 --> 00:12:40,141
I'll return your $1,900
alligator-skin belt
305
00:12:40,143 --> 00:12:41,893
when you return that toy.
306
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:45,180
Until then, you can wear
this disgusting
307
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,314
(gasps)
308
00:12:46,316 --> 00:12:49,384
black-and-brown reversible belt.
309
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,736
(sobbing)
310
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:55,857
(sobbing): Hey, I don't like it
any more than you do!
311
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,994
Ted, how would you discipline
little Marvin?
312
00:12:58,996 --> 00:13:01,463
I would be firm.
313
00:13:01,465 --> 00:13:04,049
Fair, but firm.
314
00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:07,118
You, sir, just lost
your television privileges.
315
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,790
Okay, you can watch TV,
but nothing violent.
316
00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:14,259
Okay, it can be violent,
317
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,761
but you have
to do the dishes first.
318
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,799
Okay, I'll do the dishes,
you watch TV.
319
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,585
Let's go get some ice cream!
Come on!
320
00:13:23,587 --> 00:13:25,170
But no sprinkles.
321
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,172
Robin?
322
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,891
Okay, sprinkles.
323
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,478
Um, I would do what my dad did:
tough love.
324
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,063
You know where
you're headed, chief?
325
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,766
The British Columbia
Military School for Boys.
326
00:13:38,768 --> 00:13:41,436
Of course, you're actually a
boy, so at least you won't have
327
00:13:41,438 --> 00:13:44,155
to shave off all your hair and
burn your "girlie" clothing in
328
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,124
an old oil drum while
your father stands there
329
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,626
and laughs at you
through the flames!
330
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,846
Oh, my God!
331
00:13:51,848 --> 00:13:53,381
(hits xylophone)
332
00:13:54,683 --> 00:13:56,284
I think that Robin wins
this round
333
00:13:56,286 --> 00:14:01,523
because we love her and she's
in a safe space, right, guys?
334
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:02,474
Robin matters!
335
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:03,441
Yay! Totally.
336
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,792
Now, that's just
one point, right?
337
00:14:04,794 --> 00:14:06,394
Lily.
338
00:14:06,396 --> 00:14:08,963
A spin... that... wheel!
339
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,902
ALL:
Oh...
340
00:14:13,904 --> 00:14:16,738
"Birds and Bees."
341
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:18,639
Barney, "How would you teach
young Marvin
342
00:14:18,641 --> 00:14:20,725
about the facts of life?"
343
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,610
Hmm...
344
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,812
You're gonna love
Amsterdam, little bro.
345
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,820
(sighs)
346
00:14:31,822 --> 00:14:33,321
Okay, Barney's out
of this round.
347
00:14:33,323 --> 00:14:36,341
Ted, how would you handle
"the talk"?
348
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:39,327
Well, Marvin would be
a young adult,
349
00:14:39,329 --> 00:14:41,546
so you wouldn't want
to talk down to him.
350
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:46,217
But that doesn't mean
you can't get down with him.
351
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,970
(high-pitched rapping):
♪ When two adults wish to procreate ♪
352
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,523
♪ They lay together
and copulate ♪
353
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:54,309
♪ Male gametes, spermatozoa ♪
354
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,111
♪ Implant themselves
in the ladies' ova! ♪
355
00:14:56,113 --> 00:14:57,362
♪ Break it down! ♪
356
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,063
(beatboxing)
357
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,348
I'm sorry, don't you need
358
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:03,518
to actually have had sex
in order to explain it?
359
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,573
Professor Infosaurus also has
a rap about ignoring bullies.
360
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,959
Robin? Birds and bees?
361
00:15:10,961 --> 00:15:13,294
Well, I, for one, don't think
362
00:15:13,296 --> 00:15:14,712
you have to teach Marvin
a thing.
363
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:19,250
If he's anything like his dad,
he's a natural-born stud.
364
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,836
Lily got a little braggy
365
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,205
at a cucumber stand once,
big guy. (clicks tongue)
366
00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:26,307
Robin wins again!
367
00:15:26,309 --> 00:15:28,760
Oh, come on!
That's clearly pandering!
368
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:29,727
A spin...
369
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,163
that... wheel!
370
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,032
NARRATOR:
We played long into the night,
371
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,517
eventually making itto the dreaded...
372
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,652
Lightning round!
373
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,308
First word!
374
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,694
Oh.
Ooh...
375
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,079
Actually, that's a joist,
376
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,081
which carries the stress
of the ceiling
377
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,534
versus the primary
architectural load.
378
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:53,751
But that's my boy!
379
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,086
(toy squeaking)
Ooh.
380
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,955
Nerd!
(gasps)
381
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,623
That's my boy!
382
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,508
MARSHALL:
First heartbreak!
383
00:16:00,510 --> 00:16:02,927
I know this hurts,
little buddy,
384
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,379
but you'll love again someday,
385
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:07,015
because time will heal
a broken heart.
386
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,051
But not that bitch's window.
387
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,853
(window breaks)
Run!
388
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,473
TED:
Yeah, right.
389
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,641
I've seen Barney throw.
390
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,677
He's no Vinnie Pestano,
am I right?
391
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,431
Beloved Indians'
middle reliever.
392
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,234
Cleveland sports
are still relevant.
393
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,204
LeBron who? Right, guys?
394
00:16:29,206 --> 00:16:30,822
Ted, neither you nor Cleveland
395
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:33,274
knows how to get over
someone leaving them.
396
00:16:34,276 --> 00:16:35,943
Here's how you'd
handle heartbreak.
397
00:16:35,945 --> 00:16:37,445
(high-pitched voice):
Cheer up, squirt.
398
00:16:37,447 --> 00:16:40,331
There are plenty of other
wonderful women out there.
399
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:44,502
(sobbing): But I thought
that she was the one.
400
00:16:46,955 --> 00:16:48,973
I'll be at
Uncle Barney's.
401
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,659
This is ridiculous.
402
00:16:51,661 --> 00:16:53,461
I've known you for 16 years.
403
00:16:53,463 --> 00:16:54,812
I'm the obvious choice.
404
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,297
Oh, come on,
if Ted raises him,
405
00:16:56,299 --> 00:16:58,650
the poor kid's still gonna
be a virgin when he's 13.
406
00:16:58,652 --> 00:17:01,469
I'm the obvious choice.
Hey, look, as the only one of us
407
00:17:01,471 --> 00:17:03,771
packing a vag, I got
a natural instinct
408
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,406
for nurturing
and crap like that.
409
00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:07,492
Plus, I can teach him
how to bow hunt.
410
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,911
Yeah, I could do that.
I am Barney Stinson!
411
00:17:09,913 --> 00:17:12,146
(all arguing)
412
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:13,831
Guys, guys, guys!
413
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,483
Okay!
All right!
414
00:17:15,485 --> 00:17:18,319
Obviously, none of you knows
what it really means
415
00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:19,671
to be a parent.
416
00:17:19,673 --> 00:17:21,923
(scoffs): Well...
obviously, neither of you
417
00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:24,659
know what it means
to be a friend anymore.
418
00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:26,978
What are you
talking about?
419
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,212
Think about it.
420
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,131
This is the most
we've seen you two
421
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,799
in five months.
422
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,051
ROBIN: You don't
seem to care
423
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,519
what's going on
in our lives
424
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,521
unless it's
an eight or higher.
425
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,172
Well, what do you expect?
426
00:17:38,174 --> 00:17:40,007
We have a baby now.
Yeah.
427
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:42,894
The days of closing down
MacLaren's are over.
428
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:43,928
Unless you want
429
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,030
to get up with us
at 5:13 in the morning
430
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,398
with a screaming baby.
431
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,483
So that's it?
432
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:51,519
The... the end of an era,
just like that?
433
00:17:51,521 --> 00:17:54,872
Look... we're sorry
if-if we don't have time
434
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,793
to sit around the bar listening
to silly little dating problems.
435
00:17:58,795 --> 00:18:00,612
When you have
436
00:18:00,614 --> 00:18:04,632
a baby, it's not just the most
important thing in your life,
437
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:06,033
it's the only
important thing.
438
00:18:06,035 --> 00:18:08,119
When are you guys
gonna get that?
439
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,971
Think we get it.
440
00:18:09,973 --> 00:18:12,223
♪ ♪
441
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,929
(door closes)
442
00:18:21,738 --> 00:18:23,522
I can't believe
they just walked out.
443
00:18:24,024 --> 00:18:26,241
Yeah. Maybe it's
for the best.
444
00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:28,643
Barney was starting
to pull ahead.
445
00:18:28,645 --> 00:18:30,195
I mean, how selfish can they be?
446
00:18:30,197 --> 00:18:32,531
We're trying to raise
a child here.
447
00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:35,484
I'm sorry if I don't have time
to deal with Ted's...
448
00:18:35,486 --> 00:18:38,754
um.... o-or Robin's...
449
00:18:38,756 --> 00:18:40,255
um...
450
00:18:40,257 --> 00:18:42,458
or-or Barney's...
451
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,109
mm...
452
00:18:44,111 --> 00:18:46,128
Huh.
453
00:18:48,348 --> 00:18:52,434
You know, we were about to name
one of them Marvin's godparent,
454
00:18:52,436 --> 00:18:54,603
and... I can't tell you
455
00:18:54,605 --> 00:18:57,139
what's going on
in any of their lives.
456
00:18:58,258 --> 00:18:59,842
(exhales)
457
00:19:01,694 --> 00:19:03,829
Do you think that maybe
458
00:19:03,831 --> 00:19:07,116
we've been a little crappy
as friends lately?
459
00:19:12,605 --> 00:19:14,339
Do you really know
how to bow hunt?
460
00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:15,541
Um, yeah.
461
00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:18,210
At the British Columbia
Military School for Boys
462
00:19:18,212 --> 00:19:20,245
we called it "making lunch."
463
00:19:20,247 --> 00:19:21,530
LILY:
Hey, guys.
464
00:19:21,532 --> 00:19:23,499
We asked Mickey
to watch Marvin
465
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:25,867
so we could come
down and talk.
466
00:19:25,869 --> 00:19:28,487
I know that we didn't get
to finish the game, but...
467
00:19:28,489 --> 00:19:31,140
we've reached a decision.
468
00:19:31,142 --> 00:19:32,707
MARSHALL:
Lily?
469
00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:35,710
We've decided...
470
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:40,098
...to revoke the
"eight or higher" rule.
471
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,150
TED/ROBIN/BARNEY:
What?
472
00:19:41,152 --> 00:19:42,768
We want to know everything
473
00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:44,603
that's going on
with you guys.
474
00:19:44,605 --> 00:19:46,038
Really?
475
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,072
You're our best friends.
476
00:19:47,074 --> 00:19:49,475
Everything is an eight
or higher.
477
00:19:50,677 --> 00:19:53,779
NARRATOR: And for the first timein almost half a year,
478
00:19:53,781 --> 00:19:56,698
Lily and Marshallclosed down MacLaren's.
479
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,066
Anyway,
480
00:19:58,068 --> 00:20:00,419
Victoria's dad and I are
working out a payment plan
481
00:20:00,421 --> 00:20:02,237
with a very reasonable
interest rate.
482
00:20:02,239 --> 00:20:03,705
♪ ♪
483
00:20:03,707 --> 00:20:05,374
At least,
Nick's cycle
484
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:06,875
is fuel-efficient--
we're getting, like,
485
00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:08,777
30, 35 miles to the cob.
486
00:20:08,779 --> 00:20:10,045
Really?
Yeah.
487
00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:11,079
You know, I should've
488
00:20:11,081 --> 00:20:12,931
told you about that
six and a half sooner.
489
00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:15,434
Barney Stinson banging
anything less than an eight?
490
00:20:15,436 --> 00:20:17,553
That's like a 15.
491
00:20:17,555 --> 00:20:19,754
And it was a great night.
492
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:21,490
Until...
493
00:20:21,492 --> 00:20:24,309
(Marvin bawling in other room)
494
00:20:27,647 --> 00:20:29,314
(sighs): Go
back to bed.
495
00:20:29,316 --> 00:20:30,516
We got this.
496
00:20:30,518 --> 00:20:33,852
♪ ♪
497
00:20:33,854 --> 00:20:36,572
(Marvin continues bawling)
498
00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:39,758
And Lily and Marshallfinally decided
499
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,876
on a guardian.
500
00:20:40,878 --> 00:20:43,262
Are you sure about this, baby?
Yes.
501
00:20:43,264 --> 00:20:46,665
No matter what happens, I want
Marvin to stay in the family.
502
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:50,667
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
503
00:20:58,795 --> 00:21:00,512
Oh...
504
00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:03,910
Is that a bowling ball
in a onesie?
505
00:21:03,912 --> 00:21:06,179
Run!
36096
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