Original subtitles

( guests chattering )

( crystals chime )

This is one of our Latest creations.

I'm sure you'll Find it quite smart.

Smart?

Yes yes, It is smart.

I got here As soon as I could.

You did? That's nice.

Now this gown sells For only $886.

- 800 and what? - 86.

-gotcha. - it's a real bargain.

May I suggest You buy it?

- I'll take it. - you will?

Yes, and your country is Indebted to you for this.

I went through Every inch of it

And there are no hidden Plans in this gown.

Max, you've spent over 800

Of the department's money For nothing!

Well, that's strange, Chief.

This girl phoned me And told me she worked As a model at richelieu's

And that she had Information concerning

The stolen plans for the new Supersonic bomber.

- and she wouldn't Give you her name? - she wouldn't even tell me

What she looked like. She said she'd know me.

I must have spoken To the wrong model. I'd better go back.

Well, all right, Just be sure that If you buy anything

- it absolutely must Contain the stolen plans! - right, chief.

You want me to take This gown back and see If I can exchange it?

- they'd never Exchange that, max. - oh.

Well, maybe I can tell them That when I opened the box

The goods were damaged.

Mr. Richelieu spent a long Time planning this gown.

It's his super creation.

Planning sup-- Good good.

notice the low-cut front. when a woman wears this,

Everywhere she goes She'll create chaos.

Kaos.I read you Loud and clear.

It's really Beautifully made.

You'd be surprised At what went into this gown.

I'll take it.

The cost is $1400.

I'll personally see

That you get a citation From the president for this.

That's $2260.

You've just broken

The all-time Shopping record.

I don't understand, Chief.

Everything that model said

Sounded like the plans Were hidden in this gown.

Forget it , max, you're Barking up the wrong tree.

I don't think so, chief.

Let's look at The situation calmly.

Now we know that kaos Has the stolen plans

And we also know that Richelieu has been

Tied in with kaos For a long time now.

Now add this to the telephone Call I received from the model And it all adds up.

Look, chief, why don't You give me another chance?

Let me go back to the store And I promise you I won't Buy another thing.

Well, all right. But this is the last time.

Now remember, now that we know That kaos is in possession Of the stolen plans,

What we have to find out Is how they intend

To smuggle them Out of the country and when.

Yes well, what you're Saying, chief, is

That now that we know how,

All we have to do is find out Who, when and where.

No, forget about where. When we find out how, We'll know where.

Well, how will how Tell us where?

If it's going by boat, It's probably going

To richelieu's Salon in beirut, Which is a seaport.

If it's going by plane, It'll probably go

To his salon in damascus. You understand?

Yes, I understand, chief, But I don't think I quite Agree with you.

You see, all you've told Me is that we know how,

But we don't know Who, when or where.

So that tells us That we don't know Anything.

What?

Well, we know who And that doesn't tell us when

So why should how Tell us where?

Max, you're Driving me crazy.

How?

- don't say that word! - why?

Would you like me To model this outfit For you, sir?

I don't think so. I don't look too good In knickers.

What kept you, mr. Smart? I phoned you hours ago.

- you're the one? - yes.My name is Mildred spencer.

I think they're onto me And my life may be in danger, So listen carefully.

The stolen plans Are here in the salon.

Do you have any idea how They intend to smuggle them Out of the country?

Pretend to be interested In this outfit

And I'll tell you How, when and where.

Never mind where, Just tell me how and when.

How will tell me where, Now that we know who.

Suppose we concentrate On how.

What?

Don't give me any new words. We're working on how.

Just how is kaos Going to get those plans Out of the country?

( clicking )

( clicks )

I'll have to Change my clothes. I'll be right back.

You go ahead. While you're doing that I'll contact headquarters

- and order an m-4. - what's an m-4?

A complete Mobilization raid.

I'll have every Available control agent

Swarming over this place Within 10 minutes.

Don't worry, miss spencer, With maxwell smart on the job

You're life is In no danger at all.

( shatters )

( clicking )

( theme music playing )

I beg your pardon, Monsieur,

But I have noticed You standing here

For some time now. Could I be of some help?

Uh, no, thank you, I--

I'm just waiting for my wife. We're going to buy A couple of dresses.

Eh, she's going to buy A couple of dresses.

- ( tires screeching ) - oh, I see.

That may be her Coming now.

( loud crash )

Yes, that's her. She just parked.

Excuse me.

Everybody stay Right where you are. This is a government raid.

- ( woman screams ) - chief, what took You so long?

We tried to surround The building,

But some numbskull Parked his car in the alley And took the keys.

Oh, well here, give this To one of the men and have Them move it.

Larrabee.

I hope you know what you're Doing, max, ordering an m-4.

An all-out mobilization Raid like this costs The department a fortune.

Well, it's well worth it, Chief. I'm about to crack This case wide open.

The model told me That the stolen plans are Right here in the salon.

- did she say where? - well no, she didn't Have a chance to.

She was called away. That was 30 minutes ago And she hasn't returned yet.

She went right Through those drapes.

- let's go in there. - come on, men, follow me.

No!You must Not go in there.

- oh, and why not? - it is the models' Dressing room.

All the girls Are undressed.

Hold it! Hold it!Hold it!

Just a minute.

I'm surprised At you men.

After all, you are Control agents.

Now let's just line up Here in single file,

Tallest man in the rear. And remember, I was here first.

Chief, I think you're A little taller than I am,

So you can stand Right about here.

Max!

You men go back to your Positions and don't let anyone In or out of this place.

86, you come with me.

- ( women scream ) - now there's no need To be alarmed, ladies,

- just stay right Where you are. - and don't anybody move.

You moved.

That's better.

All right, max, Which one is she?

She isn't here.

Our apologies for this Interruption, ladies.

I should think so.

Max!

Perhaps, if you gentlemen Would be good enough

To tell me Who you are looking for, I could be of assistance.

We're looking for one Of your models, richelieu.

She modeled a gown for me Earlier and now she seems To have disappeared.

Oh, you must mean Mademoiselle spencer.

That's it, chief. That's the girl, spencer.

How unfortunate. She received an urgent Telephone call,

Had to catch A flight immediately.

Death in the family, I believe.

That's funny. She didn't--

Wait a minute.

Had to leave immediately, eh?

Then what do you call this? That's her, chief.

Max, that's a-- A mannequin.

Don't be ridiculous, Chief.

The girl is just Paralyzed with fear.

Come on out of there, Miss spencer.

Come on, don't be afraid. Come on out.

Oh, sorry about that.

Chief, it is a mannequin, But it looks exactly like her. It is her, chief.

Max, it's a mannequin, A dummy!

But she called me On the phone!

This mannequin Telephoned you?

Yes.

Well, the mannequin didn't Phone me, but the model did.

Please, max, don't Make it any worse.

I'm terribly sorry For this inconvenience, Mr. Richelieu.

- if there's Anything I can do-- - there certainly is.

You can remove your troops From my premises immediately

And the next time He desires to have A hallucination,

See to it that he has It in some sanitarium.

Just what do you suppose He was getting at, chief?

Max, you've been Working too hard.

Why don't you check in For a series of tests?

Tests?I don't need Any tests, chief.

Besides, I'm in The middle of a case.

I can't take out time To go out and take A lot of silly tests.

There is no case For you anymore, max.

I'm gonna have to remove You from active duty and put You behind a desk,

- at least until I can explain This to the department. - explain what?

How you ordered an all-out Mobilization raid

Based on information Supplied to you By a mannequin!

But, chief, you can Back my story up.

You don't really believe That I actually had

A conversation With a mannequin!

Are you coming, max?

don't worry, I'll straighten everything out.

You just stay right here.

Luchek, you're a fool!

I told you to hide her In the store room where Nobody would find her.

There was no time. I was barely able To spray her

With the plastic solution And turn her into a mannequin Before they arrived.

- is she dead yet? - most definitely.

The solution hardens In 20 minutes.

Contact my salon In beirut.

Inform them there will be A delay in our plans.

oh yes, to ease their disappointment,

- tell them the good news. - what good news?

That maxwell smart Is no longer an active Control agent.

Oh, max, I'm terribly sorry That I had to be the one

To come and collect Your equipment.

Is that everything?

Everything except My shoe phone and I'm Not giving that up.

I still have three Message units left on it.

99, I don't Understand it.

That girl knew richelieu Had the stolen plans

And somehow she discovered How he intended to smuggle Them out of the country.

And before she could Tell you they turned Her into a mannequin.

- but how, max? - I don't know.

Max, whatever secret She discovered is still Hidden in the salon.

Now with her gone They're gonna need Another model.

Supposing I take the job.

- you? - well, what's So surprising?

I was a high-fashion Model before I became An agent at control.

Watch.

Well?

Well, I don't know What you're selling, 99, But I'll take two of each.

I know the man that supplies The models to richelieu.

He can get me the job.

No.No, 99.

I can't let you do it. It's too risky.

No, it's out Of the question.

And there's nothing that You can say or do that will Make me change my mind.

That's final, That settles it, That is it!

- but, max, I want to. - okay.

Good.I'll find out How they're getting The plans out.

Now wait a minute, 99.

We know who and why.

Now all we have to do Is find out where and when.

So let's forget about How for now.

Good thinking... I think.

Uh, how are we gonna Contact each other?

Oh, well, use my Communication Devices, look.

Now this looks like An ordinary spray Cologne bottle, right?

But actually it's A high-frequency Transmitter.

You push it down to talk, You release it to receive.

Now this lipstick Is a homing device

That sends out Radar signals

And this Hairbrush is actually A .32-caliber revolver.

Just brush three strokes And then it fires.

Here, you take it. I have others.

Wait a minute, 99.

I can't go walking Around town carrying A lady's purse.

Oh, you're right, Of course.

Besides, it clashes With my blue shirt.

Snap it up, dear. Richelieu absolutely flips

If you keep customers Waiting.

Oh, I-- I'll be along In just a minute.

This is 99 Calling 86.

Come in, 86.

Come in, 86.

Max, please come in.

Hello, 99. This is 86.

Max, what kept you So long?

I've been having A little trouble

With your cologne phone.

Every time I press down, It sprays me in the face.

That's to conceal Its true purpose.

I'm aware of that, 99.

What's been happening With you?I haven't heard Anything from you

Since you've Been on the job. Are you all right?

Richelieu's Latest creations

Are not going To be shown here.

They've been packed And slated for shipment

To beirut tonight, max.

And listen, you were right About that model,

But I can't talk now, max. I've got to see you Right away.

I'll be right over.

Oh, and max,

Wear a black suit, A black bowler

And carry A black umbrella.

There's a male mannequin On display here

That's dressed Just like that.

I can hide it And then you can take Its place in the display.

Then later on After the shop closes, we can

Sneak into the store room And take a look at Those dresses.

Good idea, 99.

And just so nobody will Recognize me,

I'll disguise my face.

But max, if you Disguise your face, How will I recognize you?

Just look for a man Who smells like a woman.

Why are you not out there With the others?

Oh, um, I just forgot My compact.

Something wrong?

I'm not sure.

There is something About that model That disturbs me.

Well, the results Of her security check

Should be here At any moment

And to be On the safe side

I've prepared Some fresh solution Of the plastic spray.

( whispers ) Max.

( sniffs )

Max?

Yes, it's me, 99.

Oh, max, you look Absolutely dashing!

You like it, huh?

Oh, I'd love to see you In that type of clothes More often.

You look so worldly And dignified.

Yes, well, I've always Felt that I was--

99, will you please Stop discussing my wardrobe?

Come over here And tell me what You've found out.

Right. Listen, max,

We can definitely prove That you were not talking To a mannequin.

That girl was alive. But she knew too much,

So they sprayed Her with a plastic Cement solution

That hardens In 20 minutes,

That smothers the pores And causes death By suffocation.

That's incredible, 99! How did you find out?

I overheard luchek And richelieu talking.

Did you hear them Say anything about the plans For the supersonic bomber?

No, but I'll bet you Anything it's tied up

- with that dress shipment. - why do you say that?

Because of the way they're Guarding those cartons In the store room.

- they won't let Anyone near them. - still, 99,

We can't Confiscate that shipment Until we find out

How those plans Are being smuggled out In those dresses.

Beirut! They're going To beirut.

Yes, well-- So what?

Didn't you say If we knew how, We'd know where?

Well, now that we Know where, doesn't it Work in the reverse

And tell us how?

I said that?

99, it's been A long hard case.

- please don't confuse me. - ( door opens )

Max, look.

They're closing up, max. I didn't realize It was so late.

Quick, you get In the display and I'll hide the mannequin.

Aha!I see

The new rainwear display Is completed.

It's most striking.

I wonder why hilda Has left the male mannequin

With the umbrella Unopened.

Luchek: it must be a waterproof suit.

I must compliment hilda. Where is she?

In the basement. She went to turn The switch on

For the special effects To make sure the display Is working properly.

Ah, you see? The effect of lightning

As would accompany A thunderstorm.

Most creative.

Luchek, has the shipment Been placed on the truck?

Yes, and the truck Is on its way to The air terminal.

Richelieu: well, luchek,

it won't be long now before we are on the midnight plane

to beirut with the dresses,

Or should I say The plans?

You are a genius, Richelieu.

To think of transferring The plans to microthread

And then using The microthread To seam the dresses--

it's brilliant.

with this method, we can continue to smuggle

all the vital information we can get out hands on.

Well, luchek, we still have A short time.

There's a bottle Of champagne in my office.

Open it and we'll drink A toast to our success.

A splendid suggestion, Richelieu.

Did you like it, Mr. Richelieu?

Hilda, I must compliment you On your magnificent display.

- hilda, look. - what is it?

That mannequin Is soaking wet.

I thought the suit Was waterproof.

No no, someone Must have tampered With his umbrella.

It was supposed to be Open over his head.

well, change those wet clothes for some dry ones.

right away. you know, it's strange.

I don't recall Having a mannequin With a beard in stock.

- richelieu. - that would be all, hilda.

That new model-- I just caught her

- trying to break Into the store room. - the store room.

Evidently she's been Placed there by control.

- she must be Silenced immediately. - I've already seen to it.

I knocked her unconscious And sprayed her with The plastic solution.

- she'll be dead In 20 minutes. - excellent.

we leave for the airport immediately.

We'll take the dresses On an earlier flight To beirut.

( door closes )

Hello, chief? This is 86.

Now listen, And listen carefully.

I want you to get Right out to the airport

And pick up Richelieu and his gang

And confiscate The shipment of dresses Destined for beirut.

Now listen closely, Chief.

The dresses are sewn together With microthread

Which contain The stolen plans.

No, chief, I haven't been talking To any more mannequins,

But if I don't hurry, 99 will be one.

I had a feeling I had left

Some unfinished business, Mr. Smart.

You'd better hurry Or you'll miss your Plane, luchek.

I'll be on my way As soon as I take care Of you, mr. Smart.

Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be all right.

I know.

Before you do that, I'd like to ask

- one last favor. - what is it?

Well, I know this is Gonna sound a little vain,

But could I Brush my hair?

As long as I'm Going to be a statue, I'd like to look nice.

( laughs )

Go ahead. I hate a messy corpse.

I'll give you five seconds.

- ( gunshot ) - ( groans )

99, are you in here?

Poor devils, They've all been sprayed.

99!

Still got A few minutes.

But how am I gonna Melt the plastic?

Heat. That's it, heat.

I've gotta get you To someplace that's hot.

It's right in here, sir. I couldn't stop him.

He threatened me With a hairbrush.

I could get My license taken away For something like this.

- oh, chief. - 99, what's going on?

Max brought me here To melt me down.

To what?

Oh, I can't explain now. There's no time.

That's a lady!

This is A men's steam bath, And she's a lady!

Would somebody please tell Me what's going on!

Look.

( steam hissing )

You've gotta warm up. Come on, everybody, warm up.

Sorry about that.

Come on, warm up. You've gotta melt.

All of your, come on. Warm up. Warm up.

You've gotta melt It's not too late For any of you.

Come on now, warm up.

It's a little late For you.

Warm up, come on.

Absolutely and totally Inexcusable.

And both of you Are guilty

Of willfully disregarding Control regulations.

You, 99-- For entering into a case

Which you are not Officially assigned to.

I'm sorry, chief. I was just trying To help max.

That's right, chief. She was just trying To help max.

I can hear. And you, 86--

Who gave you permission To remain on that case?

You were temporarily Removed from active duty.

Well, chief, if I waited For you to reinstate me,

99 would be spending The rest of her life

As a dummy In a store window.

Well, I hope I've made Myself clear.

And now that I've officially Reprimanded you,

I'd like to unofficially Congratulate you.

You both did An excellent job

On a most difficult And dangerous case.

Thank you, chief.

And max, you are Returned to active duty As of now.

Thank you, chief.

Oh, and one more thing-- You were wrong about where.

- I was wrong about what? - not what, where.

You see, knowing How the shipment was sent

Didn't tell us who, It only told us why.

What's he Talking about?

How and when Didn't tell us What and where.

You too?

It's simple. When we knew what And how,

We should have known When and where.

No, why and who Told us when and where.

That's right. And how and what...

( theme music playing )