Original subtitles

Your move, max.

Chief, when was The last time I Beat you at chess?

You've never beaten me At chess, max.

That long ago, eh?

Well, that situation Is about to be remedied.

You walked into A very cleverly laid Trap, chief.

Now watch carefully.

I'm about to execute A fantastic maneuver.

After this move, The game will Be over.

- checkmate. - just as I predicted.

The game is over.

Coffee and rolls, Gentlemen?

Oh, yes. Thank you, Devonshire.

( squirts )

Actually, That wasn't the move I had in mind.

This time I'm going To chop you just--

Don't drink That coffee.

Waiter.Hey, you! Come back here.

( crowd mutters )

- he got away. - well, what happened, Devonshire?

I saw that scoundrel Pour something into Your coffee, chief.

Are you sure?

Devonshire, I'm sure You're imagining things.

Just in case, chief, Better let me Taste it.

No, wait A minute, max.

Now that's what I call strong coffee.

That was acid.

Devonshire, You've saved my life.

How can I Thank you?

By accepting My most embarrassed Apologies, chief.

To think a thing Like this should happen At the regency club.

Waiter...

Max, that looks Like the work Of kaos.

You're right, chief. It looks like they're Out to kill you.

But don't worry. From now on,

I'll be with you Every minute, day and night.

In order to get To you, they're going To have to kill me first.

Aw, thank you, max.

Wait a minute, Chief.

Just as I thought, It's ticking.

The old time-bomb- In-the-roll trick.

Strange. I could have sworn I heard it ticking.

You did, max. My watch.

That's funny. It's not ticking now.

( theme music playing )

I don't mind Telling you, max, I'm a little concerned

That a kaos man Was able to get Into the regency club.

Me too, chief. Imagine, a private Club like that.

There's no telling Where they'll be able

To infiltrate next, Maybe even the pentagon.

You're right, chief. But even if they do get A man into the pentagon,

That's not saying He'll be able To get out.

I remember One of our own agents was Lost in there for three days.

Three days? Max, no agent could be That confused.

Well, let's see now. I went in on a friday...

- I came out on-- - never mind, max.

Watch the phone, I'll be back In a minute.

Hello, chief. Max, I just heard what Happened at the regency club.

- I'm worried. - me too, 99.

The chief is going To have to be guarded Day and night.

We can't let him Out of our sight For one single minute.

But max, you know how He hates to have people Around him constantly.

I have to leave the building. I'll be back soon.

Does he at least have A gun to protect himself?

I don't know, 99. I'd better check And find out.

Right.

Here, let me help you On with your coat, chief.

Thank you, max.

There you go.

Thank you, Goodbye.

Bye, chief.

Does he Have a gun?

- mm-hm. - are you sure?

Positive, 99. Here it is.

Max, now he has No way to protect Himself at all.

Oh...

Well, at least he Won't shoot himself Accidentally.

Max, I've been Thinking about The regency club.

Do you think it's A good idea for you And the chief

To expose yourself To danger by playing Chess there?

Don't be Ridiculous, 99.

The regency club is The one place the chief And I will be absolutely safe.

Besides, There's a good man Looking out for us there.

- who's that? - good old trustworthy Cedric devonshire.

"You thought"?! Kaos doesn't pay You to think.

You men were Sent here to obey.

It's taken me years To gain my position of trust At the regency club.

And it has proven A veritable stockpile Of information for kaos.

If that assassination Attempt had been Successful,

It would have Ruined everything.

It was our understanding That headquarters Issued orders

To have the chief Of control liquidated.

Gentlemen, There is a plan In the works

To eradicate both The chief of control

And maxwell smart

In such a way That there will be No link to kaos.

I have just completed My final experiment

And it is An unqualified success.

What is "It"?

All in due time, Gentlemen.

Tomorrow morning, I want maxwell smart Abducted

And brought To me

Alive.

( gunfire )

Don't kill him. We've got to take Him alive.

Make him use up His ammunition.

( gunfire continues )

Hello, control?

Operator: what number are you calling?

I'm calling control, Operator.

I cannot hear you clearly, sir.

Sorry about that, operator. You see, I'm in a running Gun battle.

Wait a minute, I'll put my silencer on.

Is that better Operator?

yes, much better, sir.

now, whom do you want?

I'm calling control, Operator.

control?

Yes, a master spy organization Here in washington,

Operated by the forces of good In the free world

To combat the forces of evil And totalitarianism.

would you please spell that, sir?

Control: C-o-n--

no, "Totalitarianism."

Operator, Would you please hurry? I'm in great danger.

one moment, please.

that number has been changed.

have you a pencil?

Operator, I've got A fantastic memory. Just give me the number.

I'd prefer you to make a note of the numbers

to avoid dialing incorrectly.

Just a minute.

I've got a pen. Go ahead, give it to me.

the number is 5-5-5-6-2-1-3.

5-5-5-6-2-1-3.

what number are you dialing?

Operator, I'm calling control.

you have dialed incorrectly.

give me your name and address, and your dime will be refunded.

Operator, I'm calling From my shoe.

what is the number of your shoe, sir?

It's an unlisted shoe, Operator.

Never mind.

( gun clicks )

- that's it. - let's take him.

( phone ringing )

Receptionist: control headquarters... control headquarters.

Sorry, Wrong number.

Gentlemen...

I am about To administer "It."

That's it?

It's a brainwashing Pill,

The end result Of 15 years of Private research.

Kaos spy: it's working already.

Maxwell smart, Agent 86 of control,

- do you hear me? - ( robotically ) I hear you.

I'm about to give you Certain commands

Which you will carry out With blind obedience When you awaken,

Though you Will remember nothing Of this conversation.

do you understand?

I understand.

You will play chess This evening as usual

With the chief of control At the regency club.

I will play chess This evening as usual

With the chief of control At the regency club.

The chief will win, As usual,

When he wins, he will utter The word "Checkmate."

"Checkmate" is Your command word.

"Checkmate" is my Command word.

when you hear the word "Checkmate,"

You will draw Your revolver,

Take careful aim And shoot to kill.

When I hear The word "Checkmate,"

I will draw My revolver,

Take careful aim

- and shoot to kill. - gentlemen,

It is now high noon.

The effectiveness Of that pill will last

For exactly 12 hours, Until midnight.

Since smart and the chief Begin their chess game

Between 7:00 And 8:00 tonight,

It will give us More than enough time.

But devonshire, What if smart wins The chess game?

Have you ever seen Maxwell smart Play chess?

( laughing )

( also laughing )

He should be Coming round at Any moment now.

Imagine the scandal When the top agent Of control

Kills his own chief Right under the noses

Of the most important Government officials At their very own club.

It will mean The end of control as An effective organization.

And it will mean the end Of maxwell smart himself,

As he will be Tried and executed For murder,

And all because Of a little white Brainwashing pill.

- ( max grunting ) - he's coming to.

You fool!

We wanted him To use that phone

To call control So they can help Him escape.

It has to look as Though he got away On his own

- or the plan won't work. - what do you mean?

If we let smart go, Control will be Suspicious

As to why we Captured him and then Let him walk out free.

He's waking up.

Come on.We've got To get out here.

( sighs )

"Souvenir, Kaos convention,

Atlantic city, 1923."

This must be Kaos headquarters.

They broke My shoe phone.

Ask him some questions About his chief.

That will make him think We kidnapped him just To get information.

Then find some way To give him these keys And let him escape.

But won't that Make him suspicious?

Not if you play Your cards right.

Fortunately, Maxwell smart considers himself Quite the ladies' man.

( both giggling )

Well...

Hello there.

Hello there.

Uh, you may Call me shirley, Mr. Smart.

I see you Know my name.

All kaos agents know The name of the famous Maxwell smart.

Tell me, Mr. Smart--

You can Call me max.

( laughs ) Tell me, max...

Where does your chief go On wednesday nights?

I'm afraid you'll Have to be a little more Specific than that, shirley.

- what wednesday night? - how about next Wednesday night?

You're wasting Your time.

That's classified Information.

Then what are you doing Next wednesday night, Maxie?

Maybe we could Do it together.

I'm afraid not. You see I'm guarding

The chief at a concert Next wednesday night.

How about another Night then, maxie,

At your place?

I'm sorry, but I'm Not allowed to have any Kaos agents at my place.

How about your place?

Here's my Phone number.

And here Are the keys To the cell.

Call me when You escape.

Goodbye, maxie.

It gets easier All the time.

He threw those keys Out the window.

Get downstairs And retrieve them.

Shirley, get back In there.

Now why did you Throw those keys away?

Are you kidding?

You didn't really Expect me to fall

- for the oldest trick In the world, did you? - what trick?

I put the key In the lock

And pffft, 5,000 volts.

( groans )

Take that tray Of food in to him, Then turn your back.

Let him overpower you So he can escape.

It's my lunch.

Perhaps you would Rather do without lunch Permanently?

( clears throat )

Your lunch, Mr. Smart.

Mmm. That smells Delicious.

I wonder if you'd Mind tasting That for me?

Not at all.

Tastes all right To me.

Oh, go ahead, Have another bite.

Sure, thanks.

- ( plate breaks ) - what did you do That for?

Because that's The second oldest Trick in the world.

- what is? - well, you taste The food,

Go next door And take an antidote

For the poison You just swallowed

And I'm left here To die like a dog.

No, thank you.

You get in there And help him escape.

- how? - how?

I don't know how. Use your ingenuity.

Maybe if we all Just went in there And surrendered.

Get in there.

- all right, mister-- - I don'tknow what you've got--

Okay, mr. Smart. You got me covered.

This? But this is Only a finger.

You can't fool me, Mr. Smart.

That's a finger gun, A gun that looks Like a finger.

No, it isn't. Look, it's only A finger.

You're right, mr. Smart. It's only a finger.

Come on, smart. Use that fabulous Brain of yours.

There must be A way out of here.

He's trying to dig His way out

Through the concrete With a spoon.

That will take him Seven years to escape.

Get in there And help him.

- how? - how?I don't know how.

Take him for a ride And let him escape, Anything.

But get him Out of here.

Hmm. I'm worried About 86.

I was supposed to meet him Hours ago and I haven't Seen him all day.

99: max, you're all right.

- just barely. - chief: where have You been, max?

Chief, you won't believe it. You just won't believe it.

The most incredible thing Happened to me.

I was jumped By two kaos agents

In broad daylight In an alley,

Rendered unconscious, Taken to kaos headquarters,

Interrogated unmercifully About your activities--

Without revealing A thing, chief--

then I made the most fantastic escape

With the use of karate And jumping from A moving car.

Max, that sounds Almost impossible.

Oh? Which part, chief? Maybe I could change it.

Max, if you were In kaos headquarters,

Then you should Be able to tell us Where it's located.

Eh... Yes.

Well, as a matter Of fact, 99, I--

As a matter Of fact what?

Well, chief, You don't expect me To talk about it

Right out here In the open like this?

After all, It is top secret.

I demand The cone of silence.

- max, do we have to? - of course,

With classified Information like this.

All right, The cone of silence.

( echoing ) Well, max?

( echoing ) What, chief?

Where is it?

What?

Headquarters.

Headquarters?

Kaos.

Oh, kaos.

I've had enough.

What's the matter, Chief?

What's the matter, Didn't you hear That echo?

Didn't I hear what?

Echo echo echo!

Oh yes. I heard it that time.

Let's hope the chief Says the fatal word "Checkmate" quickly.

That pill is due to lose It's effectiveness At 12:00.

Okay. We'll wait Outside.

If we don't hear A shot by 12:00,

We'll know Something's Gone wrong.

We'll come back in And take care of it Our way.

Nothing can Go wrong.

It better not.

Now you two Get out of here Before smart sees you.

- good evening, chief. - evening.

Smart.Your table Is all ready.

Good. Thank you.

Have an enjoyable game, Gentlemen.

Thank you, Devonshire.

- you ready, max? - not quite, chief.

Oh, I've been Wondering what you Had in that package.

After the last time You beat me,

I decided to take Positive action.

"How to play chess

In six easy lessons"?

Yes, written by An eight-year-old champion,

And so simple even a child Can understand it.

Your move, max.

Don't rush me, Chief.

( clears throat )

"Chess is a very Easy game to learn.

In this book You will find all You need to know

To play, To enjoy the game

And to hold your own Against other friends Who play chess."

Still your move, max.

Congratulations. It's only been 45 minutes

And already you've Made your first move.

I was not aware, sir, That speedy play

Was instrumental In the final decision Of a game of chess.

It isn't, 86. The only thing That concerns me

Is that I'm not A young man.

Your move.

It's your move, max.

What's the matter, chief? Worried?

Afraid I'm going To win my first game?

No, I'm afraid This is going to be My last game.

Move, you fool.

Make a move.

I could move My knight here

Or my queen there.

No.

Aren't your eyes Getting tired from So much reading, max?

Oh, here's an interesting Chapter, chief.

"How to wear down Your opponent."

( ticking )

We could finish The game by mail.

Do you mind, chief?

( whispering )

Please devonshire, This is one game

I'd like to win Without any help.

That's perfectly All right, max.

Get all the help You can.

Aha.

Just as I thought.

After this move, You'll be in a trap

From which you will be Unable to extricate Yourself.

Good, when you Say that,

I always know I'm about to win.

- thank you, max, that's-- - checkmate!

( groans )

You just shot Devonshire! What for?

I don't know, chief.

But believe me, I'd better have a darned Good reason.

In other words, chief, Using their diabolical Brainwashing pill,

Kaos programmed me To shoot you

- the minute you Said the fatal word. - precisely.

When devonshire Forgot himself and said The word first,

You were merely Reacting to the command Given you earlier.

Max, I can't tell you How sorry I am about Doubting your story.

Oh, that's all right, chief, We all make mistakes.

Say, chief, I got a good idea.

Why don't we play A little game of chinese Checkers just to unwind?

Fine. Any game at all,

So long as it doesn't End with the word "Checkmate."

Max!

Uh, sorry About that, chief.

There's nothing Harder to shake Than a bad habit.

( theme music playing )