Original subtitles

[Music]

for

a little help would be

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nice moving on out looks like it's

Splitsville from the West Village for

Lindsay Lohan in her latest bow bad boy

rocker Rocky

Rovia townhouse confidential has learned

that little Lindsay has grown teary eyed

over the construction going on in front

of her rented townhouse and put in an

offer on a Hudson yard's penth house

with a floor to ceiling River View her

new digs come complete with an indoor

pool an outdoor pool an Equinox Gym and

get this luxury Barrel saunas for two

with amenities like that how can a West

Village townhouse hope to

[Music]

compete oh Sophie why didn't you text me

and let me know you were coming next

time remind me to take an Uber

so you finally found us a new tenant

Sophie it's about time making money

while you sleep sure does beat working

for a living oh you call that working

hooking up with middle-aged hedge

funders that you meet at the gym while I

slave away icing cupcakes at Magnolia

Bakery well at least I make more than

minimum wage working as a personal

trainer girls please I finally found a

tenant For Your Precious garden

apartment and not just any tenant he's

32 runs his own own Venture Capital fund

and Raks in more than half a million a

year and best of all he's

single never married no kids no pets

that means he's probably gay or bankrupt

or both have you checked him out on

deadbeat tenants.com Lizzy do you have

to be so cynical all the time maybe he's

got a friend for you too oh come on he

might be interested can a girl get a

minute's piece to blog in this house you

do realize that the Huffington Post just

named townhouse confidential one of the

100 best new real estate yes Mary we

know and now we just wait for all those

advertising dollars to roll in okay

girls I'll bring him around for your

inspection

tomorrow but if there's a marriage comes

out of this I expect an invitation to

the wedding you are the boss Sophie you

have no

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idea

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well thank you so much for coming

everyone thank

you thank you very much as most of you

know my family has maintained a dominant

presence in West Village real estate for

nearly two

centuries our new master plan which we

will execute with $100 million in bank

loans and investor Capital will remake

the face of the West

Village affording the the world's Elite

the opportunity to own entire blocks of

luxury townhouse properties where they

can live work did you know that from the

moment I brought Georgie home from St

Vincent's hospital he could already

point out a lentil from his stroller and

by age seven he knew the difference

between a federal style townhouse and a

Greek Revival War to it now as you can

see in the Shaded area Barrow Ventures

has Holdings on Charles Perry Bank

Street

as well as 50 other luxury townhouse

properties not to worry girls are always

fainting at Georgie's presentations

that's why we always have a couple of

paramedics on hand

boys thank you

boys she's fine she's

fine any

questions yes but what about the

landmarks preservation commission won't

the city's preservationists subject to

your turning the West Village into a

hedge funder

Disneyland the deal is in the bag

everyone from the mayor on down is

already signed off on the project trust

me this baby is shovel ready but what if

some of the townhouse owners refuse to

sell got it covered we've hired the top

brokers in the West Village to Canvas

the homeowners everyone has agreed to

sell to our development company once we

close on the financing Mr barl one more

question so I think the presentation

went very well today Such a Pity your

father wasn't there to see it he would

have been so proud I miss Dad too mother

but it's been 10 years since he passed

away I'm sure he would have wanted us to

move on and so we are by creating a

townhouse Empire in the West Village

that will make the Barrow family name

burn even brighter and perhaps one day

by continuing the Barrow Legacy into the

Seventh Generation here we go again you

know Diana's daughter Amy was in the

audience today Goldman real estate

analyst Wharton MBA I saw the way she

was looking at you please don't start

George you're not getting any younger

why when your father was your age he was

married with a baby and a mortgage yes

mother I know but I'm 32 and single

I have more mortgages than I can

count I'm so busy building this business

I barely have time for a girlfriend let

alone a wife and kid George every girl

I've ever introduced you to has been

wrong too thin too fat too smart not

smart enough wrong School wrong ZIP code

I'm beginning to think that maybe you're

not interested in girls at

all what are you trying to say mother

all I want is a little grandbaby I can

pop in a stroller and push around the

West Village to teach the ABCs of bricks

and Brownstones is that too much to ask

Mother we're done here I'm off to a

business meeting what don't wait

up what you going I don't know how about

you think I want to go for the pushi no

mustard s you got to watch your gluten s

Yeah but I forward GL all right good oh

here he

is how you doing Mr Barrow s Carmine

long Allen mortgage and tile this is my

associate big S nice to meet you Mr

Barrow very nice to meet you gentlemen

how is

she thank you for coming today

appreciate you so big

S looks like the two of you are exactly

the same

height we get that a lot actually but

I'm 5'6 he's 5'7 that's why they call

him big S listen guys I'm a little

pressed for time what have you got for

me well unfortunately Georgie the

pickings were pretty slim your family

owns 50 tow houses in the West Village

but you drained most of your equity and

your credit lines they're pretty tapped

the only bank that's willing to give you

a bridge loan to finance your deal until

it closes is the Hutson River Bank out

of Westchester Hudson River

Bank I thought they were a front for the

Russian M

doesn't a certain bankrupt real estate

developer from Queens borrow money there

I heard a again into politics used to

pay his bills those guys are

tough what's the rate 8 and a half% and

five points at closing je with fed funds

at next to zero why that's practically

Usery you want to have a million dollars

in that half a million I told you I

needed a million doll to close the deal

well that's why I brought big Salo here

he's like a brother from another mother

let's just say he has access to some

creative

financing you got to be kidding me

listen listen listen it's a new thing

we're trying it's called bridg tunnel

financing we charge lower rates than the

Russia mom and what the IRS don't

know heard

him

so what kind of collateral are you

looking for do you need a personal

guarantee nothing nothing just your word

of arm and I promise that you'll do the

right

thing what happens if the deal falls

apart and I can't pay you back go home

and watch the godf you get the idea well

maybe Texas Chainsaw

Massacre pleasure doing business with

you

[Music]

guys

oh coming um put your foot

down welcome come on hi girls look who I

brought with me meet Jonathan Grove your

new tenant it's a pleasure to meet you

and his friend and real estate advisor

George Barrow Mr Barrow pleasure you as

well what a lovely home oh thank you how

is your plan coming along to turn the

West Village into a uh hedge funders

Disneyland very well thank you George

and Jonathan were roommates at Columbia

now Jonathan has returned to New York to

start his own Venture Capital fund wow

welcome back shall we sign the lead yes

yes

please this is where you sign Jonathan

to start your new life in historic and

Charming West Village uh not so fast my

friend before we sign the lease let's go

downstairs and do a walk

through you know I normally make my own

decisions at least when it comes to

investing in startups but he's the

townhouse expert I'm just the money guy

indeed come on let's

[Music]

go welcome to your new home Jonathan oh

my God

and the so the couch and the and the

table they they come with the apartment

they can if you'd like them to stay

great okay does this Outlet work uh yes

they all work I checked them myself you

see how spacious it is oh my god I

didn't even see back there wow okay take

a look scuff marks on the wall easy to

fix do you have another light bulb of

course paint's a bit peeling we'll need

some drywall repair

absolutely

you're going to have to handle

this consider it

handled print out this email attach it

to the lease as a writer and Jonathan

will sign it personally I think the

place is charming Just the Way It Is

Well I'll look for your

email nice to meet you you too really

excited for this this is awesome

good

girls youve got yourself a tenant do you

have any idea how much all those repairs

are going to cost us we need every scent

of Jonathan's first month's rent and

security deposit to pay for the mortgage

and the taxes wait I have an idea I will

take him down to the little Branch I'll

get him wasted introduce him to some

girls he'll forget all about the stupid

repairs plus we all know a handyman who

will do the work for

[Music]

cheap

on time with 30 seconds to

spare damond boy you still close out the

bars and pick up the

[Music]

chicks hey

Tommy how you been I haven't seen you

around lately hey babe what's going

on

babe you don't remember my name do you

sure babe of course I do it's um starts

with a

K I let you crash at my place for 3

weeks because you couldn't pay rent

kitn Kristen the the top floor apartment

on Blaker and 11th Street above Magnolia

Bakery where we literally didn't cleen

oh sorry baby I'm still a little hung

over last night I missed you baby you

know what go [ __ ] yourself Tommy you're

a total man

[Music]

[ __ ] God damn George Barrow why did GC

send me here you know so much I hate

that guy oh hey baby you new in

town

to our sweet tenant

Jonathan may this little box of treats

sweeten your stay in our

home hey Lizzy got you text saying

something down here needs fixing said it

was uh urgent yes Tommy we have a new

tenant moving in on Monday and we have a

whole punch list of things that we need

to fix before then really like what

place looks like it's still in a pretty

decent shape as far as I can remember

last time I was here I'll admit it was

pretty dark so you do realize that my

sisters and I we don't make a lot of

money yeah the poor little rich girls

live in a townhouse make minimum wage

you have heard the stories so how much

do you're going to charge me to fix

everything on this punch list plus slap

on a Fresh coat of paint of

course I was thinking maybe

$500 what's in the box oh no Tommy those

those cupcakes aren't for you they're a

housewarming present for Jonathan he's

coming by later to pick up his keys MH

mhm

[Music]

m

you won't miss just one right no Tommy

don't

yummy Tommy I I said no you sure

Lizzy cuz on New Year's as I recall that

quickly turned into a yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

Tomy Tom Tommy stop put down that

cupcake or or you what run to the sixth

precin at an order of protection cops

can't protect you from your own

appetites Lizzy you have no idea how

hard it is every day at work being

surrounded by cupcakes and frosting and

banana cream pudding oh always having to

be the good girl always having to say no

why cuz you're waiting for the day

Prince Charming walks in with your glass

slipper you know what you want Liz Perry

just relax and enjoy

[Music]

it oh my

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God this was really good mhm it's

a it's been a

while give me a th000 bucks I'll start

tomorrow Elizabeth

Perry the girl who can't resist a

cupcake who would have

[Laughter]

thought

[Music]

by uh hi um I'm looking for Lydia Perry

Oh hey I'm Lydia Perry I'm your personal

trainer hi Jim Bedford good to meet you

so what brings you to the gym Jim it

wasn't really my idea to come here

usually the only thing I exercise is my

fingers it's typical of most

guys no I I didn't mean it like that I'm

I'm a software developer so I just you

know I spend most of my time just

writing code just banging away at the

keyboard oh so you enjoy banging

too no hold on hold on no that's what I

mean is I'm the CEO of social media

startup and I'm going on a road show

next month to raise money from investors

so the VCS thought it would be a good

idea for me to get in shape before you

know collapse in an airport and die wow

social media Road Show investors what is

your company do oh um well we developed

an app called chick stalkers which lets

guys rate other guys ex-girlfriends by

swiping left or right on their phones

consumers use it for free and we make

money by selling the data that we gather

to porn sites in the NSA

I'll have to check it out in the

meantime why don't you go ahead and hop

on the treadmill so I can check you out

see what kind of shape you're

in yep right over

[Music]

there

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now we're going to

[Music]

head wow I'm

impressed did you play sports in college

well I uh I I played lacrosse at NYU but

we were only division three truth be

told I spent most of my time warming the

bench writing code I suspect yeah

actually I had a teammate oh he got

dumped by this girl with huge tits and

he dared me to write a program where I

ranked all the girls at NYU based on

their cup size it's actually where I got

the idea for chicksters cool yeah the

only problem we're having is getting

girls to use it really you know what I

would actually love a woman's point of

view all of our developers are just tny

nerds well I will definitely check out

your app Jim

Bedford cool see you back here next week

[Music]

guess who I just met at the

gym Mary Mary I know you're in there

because you never go anywhere and you

don't have a life go away Lydia I'm on

Deadline with my

blog so I was at the gym and I met this

guy who was also in gym he's the CEO of

this

company Lindsay dumps boyfriend to shack

up with Dad total

clickbait spotted Lindsay Lohan checking

out tow houses in the one14 with super

broken Catherine Waverly sources close

to the former West Village resident tell

toown house confidential blah blah blah

if I post it now I can scoop page six

and the New York Times real estate

section who gave me that tip one of the

addicts that hangs out on the stoop how

do you even know it's true I'm a

journalist I don't reveal my sources

yeah well you'd have more sources if you

left the house once in a while I pick up

more information at the gym every day

than you ever will through your network

of Street people anyway good luck luck

I'm out of

here

[Music]

listen sister if you want to get to the

top of the blogos sphere you've got to

get out of your townhouse and do some

real journalism once in a while I can't

believe I actually left my house to meet

with you I was on Deadline with a

Lindsay Lohan exclusive I could have

been scooped by the real deal or curbed

New

[Music]

York I just texted you a picture of

George Barrow at the Waverly Diner

borrowing money from a couple of

mobsters practically gift wrapped it for

sobbing out loud now do you want to

bring down the wicked Prince Charming of

West Village real estate or

not sure I'd love to break that story in

one of pitz her but how do we know

you're telling the truth why would

George Barrow borrow money from the mob

he already has a ton of cash not as much

as you'd

think take a look George's check from

the Waverly Diner so what is that proof

well he only left a 10% tip not his

usual

25 my God you're right George is in

serious trouble give me all the

dirt what are you doing it's a burner

phone do you really think I'm that

stupid

but you didn't tell me anything I don't

even know your name how do I get a hold

of you just call me deep Park and follow

the money it won't steer you

wrong oh uh George wasn't expecting you

how can I help you today well well it's

just one more little thing after that

contractor came by to do the repairs

before Jonathan moved in you assured me

that all the electrical outlets were

working yeah they are but this one

clearly is not I had one of my

electricians come by and test it this

morning well it was working fine until

Jonathan had his home entertainment

system installed last week I checked it

myself with what an iPhone you can

hardly expect my friend to run a 60-in

flat screen TV aose speaker system and

an Xbox from an outlet that can barely

charge a cell phone you're going to have

to call Con to upgrade the power excuse

me this is my house and it's my sister's

house and it was our parents house until

they were struck by a green apple tour

bus crossing 7th Avenue now we may not

have a lot of money but we do the best

with what we can and ever since you

showed up here with your stupid punch

list I don't know how we're going to be

able to pay the mortgage this month no

hold on a minute you're the landlord you

have an obligation to make repairs and

provide essential service

like what fix the windows that haven't

been open since the '90s Jonathan agreed

to everything on that punch list when he

signed the lease now if he isn't

satisfied with everything that my

sisters and I have done to make sure

that he is happy he can back up his

speaker system and his Xbox and he can

get his ass out of my house but that's

not going to happen no no no I'm not

finished at least Jonathan is a

gentleman and thanks us for doing what

we can you on the other hand are a

worldclass [ __ ] who wouldn't even

help his own grandmother AC cross bleer

street I know all about your little plan

to buy out the West Village and turn it

into a hedge funders Disneyland but

there is one house that you are never

getting your hands on and that is this

one now get

out

okay so what's the problem he pays his

rent doesn't he it's not that Billy it's

just every day George Barrow comes over

to Jonathan's apartment and finds one

more little thing wrong with it one more

little thing that then my sisters and I

have to pay for to repair so just get

Tommy to do

it Lord know so he'll do it for free all

you got to do is get on your little

knees and

B cuz if you don't I will cuz that Tommy

is hot shut

up so what Tommy and I hooked up one

time at a New Year's Eve party that I

threw at my house we were drunk it

didn't

count and I did ask Tommy to help me

with the repairs but he flaked on me

Midway

through anyway when George came over to

Jonathan's apartment yesterday he

started complaining about an electrical

outet that wasn't working and I just I

lost

it now I'm afraid I'm going to lose

Jonathan

too so what's the plan honey I know you

got one you always do well this one's

Lydia's idea we're going to throw

Jonathan a party on Friday night at the

little Branch invite some cute girls get

the guys trashed and before they know it

they'll forget all about that stupid

electrical

outlet come me in I'll be there with

bells on

[Laughter]

yes hey Billy sorry I'm late my hair

dryer wasn't working again have you seen

Jonathan we need to make sure he's

having a good time George too I guess

yes maam I think is's over there talking

to your sister and her friend from the

gym come on George just have one drink

Jonathan you know that I am training for

the half marathon and Battery Park next

month even one drink could derail my

preparation you should try a master

cleanse yeah that worked for me when I

was getting ready for the Miss

International triathon competition for

me it's all about clean living three

meals a day 8 hours of sleep a

night 5 mile run up and down the West

Side Highway every morning sounds like a

very interesting lifestyle George but

what do you do for

fun oh oh George doesn't believe in the

word fun you back when we were in

business school George was always

hitting the books while the rest of us

were getting trashed that's why he got

the GPA and I got the

girls be fair Jonathan you're making me

out to be some kind of hermit I'm not

looking for a woman at all at this point

in my life I'm only here right now

because Jonathan dragged me

along

did somebody say

[Laughter]

drag I I think I have to go big day

tomorrow oh you're not going anywhere

sweetheart drink this it'll put some

hair on your

chest bil what are you doing you're

going to ruin everything George I hope

you can forgive my sister and her

friends they're just trying to show you

a good

time calm down Lizzie we just having a

little fun right

yeah now George when was the last time

you got a

laid because even though Lizzie here

thinks you a world class

[ __ ] I think you'll melt like butter

in my

mouth oh hey uh bring us another bottle

of greo this is the best part I been to

in a really long

[Laughter]

time girlfriend I like your

style

hello are you still in bed Charlotte who

died no one yet but it's going to be you

if you don't tell me why I wasn't

invited to that bash you through with

the little Branch last night I am so

sorry let me guess you read about it in

townhouse confidential I know I'm such a

nerd still I am one of your oldest

friends and I only live two doors down

the block Oh My

Head by the way Lizzie did you get a

chance to check out Street Easy

personals today Charlotte I told you I

am done with those dating sites hold on

a minute the guy in this ad here sounds

perfect for you ready real estate Pro

fed up with cheaters and game players me

too I'm 34

620 sensitive sincere and single my

ideal date would be to come over to your

place whip up some spaghetti carbonara

wash the dishes put them away then I

would carry you to bed give you a

relaxing massage

and bang you all night long Charlotte

that has to be a joke there is no guy

who's like that who's single and

straight and smart and good-look and

lives in New York City well it's your

call lizy but like they say in those Lot

commercials you got to be in it to win

it I'm going to bed now okay goodbye

oh

for

[Music]

Elizabeth Perry do I know you s s

Carmine you answer my ad right oh sorry

I was expecting someone a little bit

different perhaps a little bit taller I

get that a lot that's why I put six too

oh you know chicks are genetically

programmed to dig taller guys are we

guys like me in the 56 and under club we

don't stand the chance yeah and I did my

homework on those dating sites too

chicks don't like Bor guys fat guys or

married guys they like the prince

charming type you know like Mark Dary

from the Bridget Jones Diary hold on a

second are you married

yeah I got three kids in Catholic School

on Long Island don't get me started on

tuition you know my wife she's a decent

cook but she don't want to give me head

unless I bathe the toes and Gucci yeah

so I thought you know getting on a date

Insight would be a hell of a lot cheaper

than hiring a hook oh my God you are

disgusting I'm out of here well come

here where you going come on let's go

back to my Lexus I got the big back seat

I do what are we in high school

absolutely not you know you want me baby

come on I do not let me play connect the

dots on your shirt oh oh my god get away

from my house you

creep take my card oh my I'm a licensed

mortgage broker if you need to refinance

your loan I'll get you the cheapest

rates in town my loan's just fine thank

you listen by a look at your house looks

like you're going to need some

Renovations and you you look like you

seriously need to get laid oh

goodbye call me

[Music]

never con

edville oh Pottery Barn C okay green pea

solicitation

Hudson

Riverbank

what

default you here notifi that the undid

intents of foro

what oh my

God

[Music]

good morning Lizzy oh don't you think

it's a little early in the day to be

drinking

alone good

news so anyway what did you want to talk

to me about is it business or personal

both turns out my prince charming from

the street easy personals was a mar

married Creep from Long Island and then

I got a love letter yesterday from the

bank saying that they're going to

repossess the

house the bank sent you a foreclosure

notice yep the mortgage payment is

supposed to come out of your checking

account every month have you been

receiving any calls from collection

agencies no ever since you set me up on

autopay I haven't missed a payment

you're not only a great friend Charlotte

you are an excellent bookkeeper I

know hold on a

minute remember that time we went to the

Hudson River B and I helped you apply

for a home equity credit line yeah what

ever happened with that the bank gave us

an $100,000 line of credit but I never

used it you know how I feel about

borrowing money that I can't pay back

the bank sent us a book of checks which

I put in my desk drawer and never

touched

oo

no so then I turn around and this dude

was like hey can I buy you a shot he was

so hot you probably saw him he just left

actually another family meeting we

haven't spent this much time together

since mom and dad

died Lydia sit down this is

serious somebody stole the checkbook for

our home equity credit line out of my

desk drawer what how did you let that

happen me maybe you would know something

about this if you weren't so drunk last

night so this is my fault well maybe

you're the only one who lets in random

men at 3:00 in the morning sisters

please can we just work together for

like 5 minutes you're right Mary the

home equity credit line that we took out

gives the bank the right to sell our

house after three missed mortgage

payments that means we have 7 days to

come up with

$100,000

$100,000 no no you're so stupid Liz I

studied mortgage financing at NYU and I

can tell you that a bank can't just

foreclose on your house after a couple

Mis payments it could take years no

Lydia there's a clause in our contract

the three strikes your out rule I guess

that's why the guys over at Hudson River

Bank gave us such a great rate but

that's mortgage fraud we could sue them

or expose them on The Daily Beast or

BuzzFeed I think we need to go to the

police okay don't worry I know some guys

down at the gem who will be happy to

bail us out I'll put out the word on

Town House confidential are you kidding

me fine I will go down there and talk to

detective Ortiz

myself detective Ortiz I me Elizabeth

Perry we meet again you remember me how

could I forget a damsel who's always in

distress what is is it this time your

your grandmother's pearl necklace your

sister's diamond earring a solar eclipse

over Washington Square Park no detective

Ortiz this time it's something serious

someone broke into our house and stole

the checkbook for our home equity credit

line they wrote a bunch of checks and

drained all of the equity out of our

townhouse now the bank wants to take the

house because we haven't been making

payments on the money that we didn't

know we borrowed

tragic when did this happen last night I

don't know I just noticed the checkbook

missing this morning but it could have

happened my ago do you have any idea who

might have taken it has anyone unusual

been to the house recently a plumber uh

FedEx guy Professor Dumbledore well my

sister Lydia does bring home all these

random men just about every weekend and

then on New Year's there was this

handyman and a lot of champagne a couple

cupcakes here's my

card if you think of any more

information give me a call in the

meantime if we see anybody walking down

weer street with a suitcase full of cash

we'll give you a

call well Jim I think we'll both agree

that I've added a lot of value to the

development of the chicksters app I mean

come on downloads have gone way up now

that I've clued you into what women

really want didn't really expect to get

a sales pitch this early in the

morning it's not what I'm talking about

okay okay you know what I will talk to

my VCS and I will see if I can get you

some friends and family shares before we

go on the road show how can you think of

money at a time like this Jim can't you

see that what I'm really looking

for is

love love but but you told me you were

the hookup Queen of the West Village

that's where you got all those great

ideas for chick stalkers

right yes but now that I've met you Jim

I've changed no all I want is to settle

down with the man I love cuddle up in a

our 25 ft wide townhouse west of 7th

Avenue just pump out lots of

babies I see you've been reading my

Bumble

profile it's true I want to settle down

with a nice old-fashioned girl but Lydia

unless you've had a personality

transplant in the last 24 hours that

girl is just not

you you look scorching hot in those lul

lemon shorts but but I I love you for

your mind do you want the truth yes well

okay somebody stole the checkbook for

our home equity credit line off of my

sister Lizzy's desk and now we have to

get our hands on

$100,000 by next week where the bank

takes our house well that's terrible I

had no idea you know I actually really

hate that stupid Brownstone that we

inherited from our parents but my

sisters won't sell it and I'm the only

one in the house who has any brains or

or makes any

money you're trying to help your

sisters really do have family values my

sweet

Lydia I never would have

[Music]

guess wow I hope you like it cheers

cheers wow those cupcakes look so good

you know I love a woman who knows a way

around the kitchen oh um I didn't make

those myself I just iced them I'm the

assistant shift manager of Magnolia

Bakery our Bakers bake those fresh every

day I bet you your oven's pretty fresh

my oven's actually off

thanks you know what let's get down to

business shall we I would love that yes

please so

uh how much money do you make working at

this cupcake shop I get $17 an hour plus

a share of the tip jar and Magnolia

isn't just a cupcake shop Taurus come

from all over the world to taste the

baked goods that put sex in the city on

the

map all right well uh how about your

sisters what do they contribute to the

household income I'd say alog together

we bring in about $125,000 a year okay

based on your income and the rent you're

getting from the

apartment I could probably get you a new

mortgage in you know like

say couple of

months oh um we actually need it by next

week otherwise the bank is going to take

our

[Music]

house oh well you know I could maybe

talk to the

oh yeah and maybe speed up the process

that would be great if there's just like

one thing you could do for me oh um s

I'm I'm not that kind of girl whoa oh

looks like the power went out better go

check on that you know your way out I'll

get you that mortgage right

away oh my god this is my house who are

you oh George Barrow you think you can

just burst in here whenever you please

well I could just as easily ask you the

same question Elizabeth the lease

Jonathan sign does not permit you to

enter his apartment without 3 days

written notice unless there's an

emergency oh there was an emergency and

the last time I checked your name is not

on the lease as an additional occupant

so why did you come over here

unannounced on a Saturday night I came

here to fix that faulty Outlet you and

your contractor can never seem to fix

before Jonathan flies back from

California tomorrow night and then the

electricity went

out oh damn

it yeah yeah that's an entire blackout

yeah all of lower Manhattan okay okay

well now Jonathan won't have any

electricity at

all do you happen to have a generator no

but I might have some leftover firewood

from Hurricane

Sandy oh you were here for that yeah I

was in this house for 6 days with

nothing it was awful remember yeah I

made a fire in my townhouse for Sandy oh

um would you want to make one here for

me

yes yes I would all right follow me

okay well cheers to you

cheers I mean I guess I am partial to

Dormer windows because I grew up in a

federal style townhouse but still Greek

Revival it leaves me cold oh same here

you know those Italian a Brownstones on

9th Street I think they should be banish

shed to Brooklyn

Heights I had no idea you were a

townhouse junkie too mhm born and Brad

right here in the West Village it's

funny that we've never hung out

before two sides to the story though

righty I mean on the one hand everybody

hates you because you get to live in

your own little castle in the West

Village but on the other hand there's a

million problems to deal with every

single day yeah for me those problems

are mice and bugs and the radiators that

hiss all winter long but what problems

could you possibly have George Barrow oh

trust me being the Crown Prince of West

Village real estate is not all it's

cracked out to be oh why not because you

have to share your castle with a

queen don't even get me started on my

mother she's the one who wants to build

a dynasty in the West Village not me all

I ever

wanted was to be an architect like my

dad oh um oh my look at this all

right there we oh that's a good one

that's a village po Village por I'm

going to take

that cheers

let's play a

game okay

[Music]

okay 113

Bedford date and Builder oh that's too

easy there's a plaque on the facade that

I see every day on my way to work George

Harrison 1842 not the singer correct

your turn Okay o skinniest house in the

West Village oh come on Lizzy everybody

knows that one 75 1/2 Bedford 9 1/2 ft

wide mm the Edna St Vincent Malay

[Music]

house

okay how about this

one 59

Morton you've actually been inside this

townhouse before although you probably

don't

remember it was a very long time ago you

were very

little I'll give you a

clue birthday

party the

stairs Liz are you

asleep

Lizzy

[Music]

Tommy Leroy what the hell are you doing

here when the power went out last night

and didn't come back on this morning I

figured I'd drop by and check on you and

your sisters three girls alone in a

townhouse might need a man to help out

eh in your dreams get out of here before

I call the cops who the what the cell

phone that's losing charge by the

second looks like somebody started the

party without me might if I pour myself

a

glass that's right George Barrow was

here last night to fix the electrical

outlet that you said you fixed 2 weeks

ago unbelievable George Barrow was here

I thought you hated him and everything

he stood for you've hooked up with every

girl in the West Village you can't

possibly expect for me to sit around and

wait for you to show up and fix what's

wrong down

there in the garden apartment you really

expect me to believe that George Barrow

just happened to drop by on a Saturday

night well yeah cuz that's exactly what

happened and now that I'm getting to

know George better I can see that he's

not just some money grubbing developer

he's he a real gentleman who's kind and

caring and shares my passion for

cornices and Dormer

windows he's not just some Fly by Night

handyman who looks really good in a pair

of skinny jeans

waa you're so incredibly naive L Perry

you have no idea who George Barrow is or

what he's capable of doing so enlighten

me I'd be happy

to George Barrow may be a West feel like

blue blood but he's not the only one who

grew up in a

townhouse wait a minute you grew up in a

townhouse my father was the barrel

family's property manager when I was

growing

up the barrels lived in the owner's

Triplex up top my dad and I lived in the

garden apartment underneath the

stoop go

on when we were little George and I were

really

close practically like

brothers but after old man bar got

killed in the crane collapse on his way

to see one of my construction sites

George blamed

me then he asked me to move out of my

Dad's apartment so his contractor could

do some

Renovations I floated on a couches for a

year before I realized he was never

going to let me move back home that's

awful I I had no idea eventually I found

a sublet in the story with a couple of

guys from

work I had no idea that George Barrow

was such a

monster did you take him to court yeah I

hired a lawyer and everything

but by then George had already finished

the renovation and turned it into a

single family home worth triple what it

was

before he sent me a

check for 10 grand to settle and I

signed the

release but what could George Barrow

possibly want with

me don't you get it Lizzie he's buying

up every decent house in the West

Village to combine them and sell them to

billionaires who want 50F Footers most

of your neighbors have already agreed to

sell them their properties once he comes

up with the money yeah sure that's old

news I read it in townhouse confidential

okay but I guess you haven't read the

latest

post last townhouse standing the

townhouse confidential Grapevine is

buzzing with news that Mega Builder

George Barrow has the hots for a shy

little townhouse on Washington place to

add to his

portfolio Barrow is just days away from

closing on aund million fund to purchase

dozens of the biggest and best tow

houses in the West Village but needs the

midblock beauty to seal the deal odds

are 3 to one that the sisters will say

no will gentleman George up his offer I

assume that's why he came by last night

to wine and D you I cannot believe that

Mary wrote that after all she probably

thinks that we're so desperate for cash

we'd take it from

anybody even George

Barrow well got to go

Lizzy make sure not to share your

cupcakes with just anyone

huh

[Music]

a

George come here to steal our house I

assume I think I forgot my screwdriver

wait there I'll get

it here take it did I do something wrong

maybe not to me but you should have been

a little nicer to Tommy Leroy before you

stole his apartment and kicked him out

of the townhouse that you both grew up

in I don't know what you're talking

about oh really so you just get to be

the prince charming of the West Village

while Tommy can barely afford his sublet

in Queens you ought to be ashamed of

yourself is that all he told you he told

me that the only reason you came over

here last night was to convince me to

sell you our

townhouse so I guess all that crap about

cornices and Dormer windows was just the

bait you used to reel me in you are no

gentleman George Barrow and you never

will be now go please Liz you don't

understand Tommy Leroy isn't who you

think he is there's another side to the

story there always is isn't there anyway

it doesn't matter somebody stole the

checkbook for our home equity credit

line and if I don't get my hands on

$100,000 by next week the bank is going

to take our

house thanks for the

[Music]

screwdriver [ __ ] could things possibly

get any

[Music]

worse oh hi got the whole pie come on

have a slice the little CLS won't hurt

you right thanks but uh it would derail

my preparation for the half

marathon [ __ ] was yeah George say we

get down to business shall

we the bottom line is your lenders are

getting pretty impatient they want to

know when you know the deal is going to

close they want that [ __ ] money now

big guy a

be yeah there's no reason to talk like

that big S I'm sure Georgie here has a

perfectly reasonable explanation for the

delay right yes uh there's just one more

townhouse that I need to put in contract

before the investors will release the

financing the trouble is that it's owned

by three sisters who don't want to sell

you see they grew up there you think go

horses heading the bed may help them see

the light of reason I don't think

that'll be necessary big S let's just

let George here talk to him all right

know that Liz Perry she loves flowers

especially expensive C otherwise the

next horse's head is going to be in your

bed

kabish come on big S everything's going

to be great

[Music]

pizza [ __ ] awesome

and the weirdest part is I didn't have

sex with any of them I mean I was a

little drunk so it was kind of tempting

but

no you go girl unfortunately the guy I'm

crushing on just left town said some

kind of business trip didn't even say

when he's coming back wait a second are

you talking about Jonathan I thought he

was

straight he was so straight when I was

done with them okay you go

girl ooh let's check this one out can we

go home already one more spiral

staircase and I'll be in traction for

weeks come on Billy this is the last one

girl hi hi have you got your ticket

thank you so much please put the booties

on sure thank

you

who bil did you see the

chandelier it's

gorgeous smells like bunny

yeah

oh girl are they

real does it

matter this how the other half

lands you know this place feels really

familiar like I've been here before or

something and your dreams Lizzy you have

to get past three dead boats and an

alarm

system plus they got

guns I don't mean now Billy I met when I

was a little girl I remember my mom

dropping me off at this big beautiful

townhouse for a birthday party when I

was five I didn't know any of the other

kids so I just wandered around the house

and I got lost I almost fed on a flight

of stairs into the basement when this

little boy grabbed my arm and rescued

me rescued you huh m

mhm hey Lizzy yeah look at this photo

it's

George and

Jonathan Lizzy that little boy that

rescued you was George Barrow what oh my

God Billy you're

right this is George Barrow's

house but hold on a second

how could George be so generous to a

group of complete strangers and so cruel

to someone who he grew up with

practically like his

brother I don't

know I could Jonathan be so hot in the

Colombia t-shirt

[Music]

I uh Billy George just texted me he

wants to meet up with me right now for

what I don't know do we have to go back

to work or can we go check this out you

sure you don't want to trash his house

first

no let's go let's go P

onathan there he

is

what was

that oh my God Billy George wrote me an

actual letter by hand and he sealed the

envelope with wax just rip it open and

read it okay okay

um

okay dearest Elizabeth I know that you

will never sell me your home after what

you believe I have done to Tommy Leroy

so I won't attempt to make an offer all

I ask is that you read this letter

explaining what really happened and give

me a chance to clear my good name oh my

God this can't be

real DN 5 years ago I went away on a

trip to Africa with my friend Jonathan

to dig whales to fight malaria when I

got back I discovered that Tommy had

forged my signature on a building

permit and was getting ready to turn the

home had been in our family for almost

200 years into multi-million dollar

condos and pocket the money for himself

I was shocked and angered by Tommy's

betrayal but I promised my mother that I

would keep the matter private so as not

to tarnish the reputation of our family

and that of the real estate business we

own I have always loved you Elizabeth

Perry Elizabeth Perry ever since the day

of my birthday party when I saved you

from falling down the

stairs you are the Damsel in Distress

that I have always wanted to Res rescue

but now I feel that the person who

really needs rescuing is

me without you I am

lost with no hope of the feelings that I

have for you and your townhouse ever

being reciprocated I remain your

faithful servant G Fitz William

Barrow I think you're about to get laid

girl I am such an idiot all I had to do

was stick out my foot for him to put a

glass slipper on and instead I kick him

out the door because I believe that scam

artist Tommy Leroy I mean I guess it's

not too late to call sleazy s Carmine

and take him up on his offer this he

it's no way to talk about my boyfriend

your boyfriend what are you talking

about well remember the night of the

blackout when you had sover for wine and

cupcakes to talk about the new mortgage

on the house yeah how could I forget

well after the power went out on Lower

Manhattan and you kicked s out the door

he went screaming down Washington Place

I heard the noise ran downstairs flung

open the door

and well let's just say he was grateful

to find a friendly port in the storm oh

my God butel is married and he's bald

and he's short and you could we're not

all like you Lizzy not everyone is

looking for a Mr Darcy with the

uncertain domestic Bliss of marriage and

kids and happily ever

after for

me married Mr colins will do just

fine maybe you're right maybe life isn't

about getting what you want it's about

wanting what you

[Music]

get

[Music]

well I guess that's it then Jersey City

here I

come I guess I could get a job at a

different Bakery even if that Bakery

isn't

Magnolia uh-huh and I suppose I could

find an apartment to rent maybe share it

with a roommate yeah then you'll

understand how the other 99% lives I'm

about to to lose my house Billy I

thought you could at least

sympathize sympathize yeah you know how

many apartments I've been kicked out of

since I moved to New York you think you

got a tough baby girl try being black

gay and living in the Bronx I am so done

with you and your white townhouse

privilege do you know how many millions

of people who would gladly trade places

with you in a heartbeat but but I am the

victim here are you though yeah look how

many advantag you take for granted

two parents that adored you a college

degree that you did not pay for and that

$20 bottle of Italian wine that you

drink so effortlessly I only buy Monty

foso when it's on

sale but maybe you're right Billy I

guess I never looked at it that way

before of course you haven't because

you're too busy looking in the mirror

feeling sorry for yourself just because

you sweep your fireplace every once in a

while does not make you Cinderella baby

girl

where I'm

from I'd be lucky to be able to walk

down the street in my dress and my wig

and not get rocks around in my

head so maybe I am no better than George

Barrow or Katherine Waverly or the other

millionaire hedge funders who live in

the West Village maybe I do deserve to

be exiled to a beach bar in New Jersey

where no one has ever heard of a cornice

or a lentil or a dormer window hey now

don't be going all Jersey Shore on me

baby girl I'm just saying if you want to

save your town home or at least get some

serious cash for it you got to get out

there and you got to fight for it don't

be sitting around waiting on Prince

Shaman to pay the tab you mean yes Lizzy

there's something you love more than

vanilla cupcakes with purple frosting

and sprinkles on top something you love

more than a hot guy with a tight ass and

skinny jeans oh I don't know if that's

possible

oh my God Billy you're right it's my

townhouse that 18t wide broken down

fixer upper of a townhouse that I grew

up in on Washington Place the place

where literally nothing works and

everything's held together with Scotch

tape and rubber bands the place that's

always just on the verge of a nervous

breakdown that scorching hot mess pile

of

bricks is

me

detective Ortiz can I offer you a

cupcake it's on the house and those

cupcakes do look tasty but uh this time

I I think I'll pass I came in to check

your security tape uh it looks like the

Gucci Bandit is back out on the loose

the Gucci Bandit yeah he's a burglar who

breaks into people's homes wearing Gucci

sandals steals her credit cards and goes

on a shopping

spree okay but what does that have to do

with us well it looks like he's taking

his show on the road to bleer street

according to the credit card company he

was in here sometime yesterday before

3:00 p.m. well we off yesterday but sure

why not if he was in here he'd be on

tape

somewhere sure you don't want a cupcake

you are a temptress Liz Perry hey Liz

can you help me here I don't think I was

here for this training session yeah sure

um should just

be oh

busted on bleer we got him good work Liz

just email me the clip wait there's

somebody else on tape walking to the

store oh my God I'd recognize that butt

anywhere it's Tommy Leroy he's writing a

check for some cupcakes using the

checkbook for our home equity credit

line detective Ortiz I'd like to make a

citizen's arrest come down to the

station and file a report okay never

trust a man in skinny jeans no we caught

Tommy ler right on video camera with our

checkbook but that doesn't bring back

the $100,000 and we need to pay back the

entire loan by

Monday our only choice is to sell the

house to the first person who walks in

that door with the biggest bag full of

cash which means that we need to start

painting and cleaning ASAP to get it

ready for the open house we all pick up

a brush and a mop right now we should be

done by Saturday and once I take the

pictures make the video and post the ad

on Street Easy we'll be ready for the

open house on Sunday afternoon and

that's that's where I come in to find

the mystery buyer with a big bankroll in

his briefcase we know you'll find us

someone Sophie I texted Charlotte she

should be here any minute with the

cleaning

supplies let's clean my little dust

bunnies

let yeah it's come to this world's

falling all around us will we make it

out of

life now that we've come this far come

on sisters get together and bring the

city to its knees we got to get up

working harder than we've ever worked

before got to speak up be a fighter when

something weth fighting for never give

up keep on trying give it everything

we've got got to believe find out what

we're made of

[Music]

up so you'll never guess who I ran into

today well I guess you're going to tell

me mother and I have no choice but to

listen Elizabeth Perry the girl who

lives in that trashy little townhouse

over on Washington place with her her

two sisters oh and what did she have to

say mother well she told me she's

putting her house on the market and that

she and her two sisters are hosting an

open house tomorrow afternoon and that

they're prepared to sell to the highest

bidder even if that bidder is

you really so it's true that you've

offered to buy their house or is that

just interwebs gossip well I very much

doubt that she'd be willing to sell to

me mother she thinks I'm an [ __ ] who

wouldn't help his own grandmother cross

bleer

street of course she would sweetheart

you're still the prince charming of West

Village real estate any girl would pay

gold just to meet you for a cup of

coffee or Tesla stock Bitcoin or

whatever is hot these days oh mother I

am tired of living here with you in the

shadow of my great great grandfather's

portrait all I want is to be like like

like everybody else who comes to to the

West Village to have

fun [ __ ] awesome George Barrow we do

not use language like that in this

household and we most certainly do not

eat pizza why don't we

John's Pizzeria is two blocks away from

our house they have the best pizza in

the West Village you always told me that

we couldn't go there because they have

rats in their basement I honestly don't

care if they have rats in their basement

their Pizza is awesome but George you'll

get fat cool then maybe all these girls

who think I'm Mr Darcy will stop chasing

me tomorrow I think I'm going to go try

one of the slices at Joe's

oh it's a mighty fine slice mother

mighty fine slice

[Music]

mother

hi hi hello welcome

[Music]

wow this is gorgeous it's too

bright

okay thank you for

coming

well at least we tried I'm sure we can

find a decent place to rent in New

Jersey when they take the house or

Florida I heard it's pretty cheap down

there where's Sophie anyway does it

matter it's not like she's getting a

commission girls I just took a full

price offer all

cash and I spoke with the bank and they

have agreed to put the foreclosure on

hold

we

[Music]

do hold on what's the catch there has to

be one well the buyer wants to meet with

Liz right here right now alone with no

one else in the room good

[Music]

luck may I come in of

course

thanks

Sophie please let me explain Elizabeth

and this time I beg you not kick me out

until you've heard the entire

story The only reason I've offered to

buy your home is to save it from

foreclosure so that you and your sisters

can continue to live here I will not

combine it with any other property or

make it part of the development that you

have so rightly called a hedge funer

Disneyland

land I promise that after the deal

closes I will walk away and never again

darken your door but please don't refuse

my offer it's honestly the least I can

do if I had reported Tommy Leroy to the

police after he tried to steal my

family's home you would not have been

free to walk in and steal your home

equity credit line checkbook and draw

down the $100,000 that nearly cost you

and your family your home a boun of

check at the Magnolia Bakery to buy a

dozen cupcakes for his ex-girlfriend in

the apartment upstairs but I uh I guess

you already knew that since you're the

one who busted him on

tape detective Ortiz told me the whole

story you're my hero Liz

Perry well let's just say I'm a woman of

many

talents

so do you still think I'm the biggest

[ __ ] in the West

Village no

George I think you're amazing

and so was your big beautiful townhouse

at 59 Morton Street the place where you

saved me from falling down the stairs at

your birthday party when I was five I'm

amazed that you remember you were so

little but I'm 2 years older and I never

forgot I've always had a crush on you

Liz

Perry it was just easier for me to act

like a jerk than to admit it and maybe

find out that you didn't love me as much

as I've always loved you

hold on this Perry before we get too

carried

away there's something I have to show

you about your Charming little townhouse

that you may not have

noticed here just in case perfect follow

[Music]

me uh George what are we doing in my

basement trust

[Music]

me it must be around here

somewhere

what

Lizzy could you hold this

sure

[Music]

uh hey George quick question why do you

have a key to a lock in my basement wait

and

[Music]

see uh George when are you going to tell

me tell me what's going on sometimes Liz

there are connections you didn't know

existed that were there all

along what does that

mean oh my God George we're in your

parlor wait

what there's the portrait of Captain

Barrow and the

guns but hold on a second how did we get

here allow me to explain the same day

that you came to see my house for the

Spring House benefit tour I went to the

library to check out the old fire

Insurance Maps it turns out our two

houses are connected

underground they've been that way for

over a century so wait you mean yes that

my mother can no longer object to us

uniting our two houses and tying the

knot but wait doesn't your mother hate

me and my 18t wide townhouse when I

showed her on the map that Captain

Barrow had built a tunnel so that he

could hook up with his third cousin in

true love Betsy Washington she caved

immediately but isn't your mother all

business super broker Katherine Waverly

and all that oh no Katherine Waverly is

a hopeless romantic just like you Lizzy

a huge Pride and Prejudice that's why

she named me Fitz will

but but you

can just call me

George this is no time for big romantic

speeches George we've got to get out of

here now what are you talking about

mother I'm in the middle of proposing to

Liz Perry aren't you glad that I'm

actually interested in girls oh don't

worry about that George I already knew

you and Elizabeth would end up together

don't forget I've read the book five

times and seen the entire BBC series

here

they're here who's here mother no time

to explain just follow

me George George why are you I know

you're here where the [ __ ] is he Tommy

you said you're going to bring this

right to him what happened that [ __ ]

know the deadline was today the big boss

is going to be metad I grew up in this

house I know where they went follow

me George what is this place this is

where my family hid enslaved Africans

before the Civil War to help them Escape

their freedom no way what the I thought

you guys were white supremacists this is

no time for our history lesson George

Tommy's probably leading them right to

us as we speak we need to secure the

hatch Elizabeth you

okay oh hey Georgie boy I got a couple

of guys here want to talk to

you where's my [ __ ] money Georgie is

that s Carmine what the hell are you

doing here

I'm not here for you Lizzie sorry here

for

Georgie time's up buddy just give him

the money George they're not going to

hurt you or Mom hold

this George what are you

doing Elizabeth Washington Parry would

you do me the honor of accepting this

ring oh George of course I

will Georgie if I don't get my [ __ ]

money one of you people up here is going

to end up on a sidewalk like a [ __ ]

pancake hey put that gun down or I'm

going to break your face do you have any

idea how hard it is for a woman over 30

to find a single straight man south of

14th

Street yes George Fitz William Barrow

you sweet shy townhouse loving mama's

boy of course I will marry you I've

loved you since I was five and you were

seven I was just too blind to see it

[Music]

hey Barrow gang get down off that roof

now oh detective Ortiz it's me Liz Perry

I'm up here with Tommy Leroy s Carmine

and some other guy from the mafia I'm

also up here with my fat say George

Barrow and his mom Catherine Waverly wow

Liz congrats I didn't read realized you

was dating George oh me neither this

just happened like an hour ago did you

say Tommy ly's up there I got a war for

his arrest a warrant for what Grand

larsy in the fourth degree theft of

merchandise grand larsy for bouncing a

check on a dozen cupcakes for my

girlfriend you bought a total of 240

cupcakes at the Magnolia Bakery at 395 a

pop so I got cupcakes for all my

ex-girlfriends is that a crime you can't

arrest Tommy Leroy for GR larsy that's

$948 the statutory limit in the state of

New York is 1,000 B you forgot to

include the tax come on down Tommy it's

over howy boys you know the drill stand

over

there Tommy

Leroy you are under arrest my friend for

what having a couple of fat ham hack or

soaking half the skirts in the West

Village huh

FBI you're under arrest come on thr your

brothers from another come on you're

under arrest is this what you do the

family you ain't family Where's My Money

big S here Sophia Big Boss what M I

never send a man to do a woman's job

that's what I always say but now that

George is giving me the Briefcase full

of cash I'm willing to consider your

debt paid me fall so the 500k stays with

me Falls well that ends well and all

that crap this time but tell your boys

to stay on the Jersey side of the river

and they'll dare cross to my

side oh I give your mother my regards

you know they wouldn't kill her to call

me once in a

while come on let's get you home get him

out of here scum s s oh oh S I heard the

commotion and I can't believe I'm dating

an FBI

agent oh and natur just some lazy

mortgage

broker you'll still make me pasta though

right whatever you want baby oh

yes let's go home look

at just almost too much to

bear I can only hope that one day you

find someone who brings you as much

happiness as George Barrow brings

me I don't know

honey I made the mistake of falling in

love with the one guy who could never

love me back or bring me home to meet

his

parents

Jonathan hello hi what are you doing

here I thought you moved back to San

Francisco I jumped on a plane the minute

that I got George's letter I mean can

you believe it the guy sat down and

wrote a letter by hand using a pen and

then mailed it to me in an envelope with

a stamp I mean that's why it took a week

for me to get it

anyway I flew back the minute that

George told me that you love

me ever since that party at the little

Branch Billy I haven't been able to stop

thinking about

you the way your nails felt on my back

the way your lips felt on my oh hey

PG-13 we have

customers

anyway you are so strong and confident

so

sure of your sexuality so unafraid to

just go out there and live your truth

and I know I should have texted you I'm

I'm sorry I just felt like such a coward

like i''d never be cool enough for

someone like

you just hold it

[Music]

do

[Music]

you had me

[Music]

hello dear friends we have come together

in the presence of God to celebrate the

marriage of these couples to surround

them with our prayers and to share in

their Joy the uniting of these persons

in heart body and mind is intended by

God for their Mutual joy for the help

and comfort they give one another in

prosperity and adversity and that their

love may be a blessing to all whom they

encounter if anyone knows a reason why

either of these couples should not be

joined in marriage I ask them to speak

now or forever hold their

peace

what Lizzy don't do it I still have

feelings for you

what I'm just playing sh out yours

Georgie Boy you made gr beh mey your

fing come on

come anyone

else

I invite you to declare your vows to one

another you know I'm r or die for you

right ride or die

[Music]

baby I promise

to adore every brick in your Brownstone

and to cherish you even when you grow

old and I grow old and our lentils need

repointing I promise to be the sturdy

column that supports you and the cornice

that ornaments your

life I promise to never forget the

little boy who rescued you when you were

a little

girl and to love you for the amazing

woman

who came back and rescued

me

George I promise never to forget that

you are the same amazing man who rescued

me when I was five and you were

seven I promise never to drink Monty

foco Roso until 10:00 in the morning

unless you're the one who's drinking

with

me I promise that For Better or Worse

in sickness and in

health you will always be my one true

cupcake and I

Yours by their promises before God and

in the presence of this

assembly you may kiss your

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

beloved

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

1

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

2 hey townhouse

confidential deep Park

it's you I'm your biggest fan I've read

every blog post you ever posted so

you're some kind of stalker I'm more

like a field agent I know it's kind of

hard to do investigative reporting when

you never leave your house so what are

you saying I want to be your partner you

on the inside me on the outside scooping

stories winning

piters deep

park I think that this is going to be

the beginning of a beautiful

[Music]

French spotted on Washington Place new

tenants moving into the townhouse

Lindsay Lohan left behind just three

short months ago the fortunate newcomers

are a well-known French actress her

actor director husband and their

children whose sources say have just

been accepted into the prestigious

Little Red

Schoolhouse in other

news townhouse confidential has learned

that the Perry sisters townhouse has

recently passed into other hands but

that according to the terms of this

unusual deal the three sisters may

continue to live there rentree for as

long as they wish to do

so in the words of the late great Jane

Austin it is a truth universally

acknowledged that three scorching hot

sisters who live in a West Village

townhouse will not stay single for

long

[Applause]

[Music]

oh mother you have no idea what the

village holds oil grease Grime the trash

of Life the Beautiful

delicious early goodness of Life

mother oh mother my plans my plans have

changed get on board

mother get on

board the barel family is

back no one's perfect like that time

Lizzy and I hooked up on New Year's

right meant nothing maybe not to you but

it meant something to me you didn't even

text me the next day Liz I thought we

were getting married you still have

feelings for Tommy no of course not but

he still could have texted me

right the Robert and Roberta bethon

house built in 1845 the Robert and

Roberta bethon House was built for a

brother and sister who lived in this

Greek Revival townhouse for 93 years

without ever venturing outside to date

or

marry well known as West Village

hoarders with hundreds of cats rumors

swirled that the bethon twins were

actually can we go home already come on

we've only got one house left anyway

let's

go got to believe find out what we're

made of keep my head up let keep smiling

even on a rainy day keep moving clean up

the mess and make a better way keep

moving do my thing and don't what people

say got to get up got to keep working

every single day there's always going to

be another greedy graer there's always

going to be another rumor gaer you're

always going to have to find a way to to

the

line and if you don't lose your sister's

trust and if you don't lose it all in bu

keep on working it and you'll be fine we

got to get up working harder we've ever

worked before got to speak up be a

fighter when something wor fighting for

never give up keep on try and give it

everything we've got got to believe find

out what we're made of keep my head up

just keep smiling even on a rainy day

keep moving clean clean up the mess and

[Music]

make