Original subtitles

Hiya, I've got an appointment with George. Buzz me in.

I'm afraid I can't do that.

What? Why not?

I don't wanna do it.

You explain. I'm not doing your dirty work for you.

Jen. Hi, how's it going?

Yeah. What's going on? Let me in.

Yeah, uh, physical fraternising with patients

is a breach of the code of conduct, which Denise very kindly reminded me of.

H-How does she know?

Every treatment room is equipped with CCTV.

But it was inside my mind.

Yeah, right, okay. So, you've been fired, then?

Um.

No, you've been fired, and then they're finding me a new coach.

A really important step in any journey, Jen,

is learning to take responsibility for your own action.

He said it was all your fault.

What?

- Well, technically, you kissed me, so-- - Are you 15?

Regardless, your contract with us has been terminated.

What does that mean?

You're off the course.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Oh, hi.

♪ I'm a killer Venom perfected ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

What do you mean you can't do it?

♪ Courageous ♪

Right. Okay. You tell me how I'm supposed to represent

post-industrial urban decay without a smoke machine?

- Hello? - Can I borrow a lighter?

You're not gonna blow anything up, are you?

- No. - I really think my character

would feel the need to drop split in this scene.

If she gets to do drop splits, I should get to do drop splits too.

No drop splits!

You don't have the groin elasticity.

Kash, I can't do this.

- I think I'm dying. - Uh, breathe into this.

The oboe hasn't shown up, the costumes still need to be hemmed,

and we don't have the right cables for the sound system.

This show's gonna be a disaster. Oh, not now.

Ow! My groin.

Why did you put explosives in the watermelon?

- There are no bombs in the fruit. - Oh, fuck this.

I am not time's bitch!

Hey?

I can go back again.

Can I borrow a lighter?

Randall,

are you ready to touch the heavens

to achieve what countless generations of artists have tried but failed to reach?

Perfection.

Yeah, go on.

♪ I'm a boss, bitch ♪

Can you at least get your money back?

No. They said I violated their inappropriate behaviour policy.

Oh, that's not fair.

If you're paying them that much,

you should at least be able to make out with them a little bit.

Right?

George said it's fine though.

'Cause I already know what I need to do to get a power.

Twelve fucking grand for that deep insight.

I should've just microdosed and read a fridge magnet.

Uh, what do you think he meant?

Uh, he said something about moving on from childhood trauma or whatever.

Oh.

Do you think he meant your dead dad?

Jizz, you have to find homes for these guys.

The flat's not big enough.

It's not even big enough for us. You're sleeping in the bath again.

Exactly. I don't belong anywhere.

I can't abandon my boys to the same fate.

But it's cruel to keep them here.

And besides, the landlord won't let us keep them because...

All landlords are evil.

So, um, do you think George is right?

You're stuck in your childhood trauma.

Only adults get their powers.

I've been listening to this psychology podcast and some--

Yeah, I do think he's right.

There is one event from my childhood I've never been able to get over.

- Your dad dying. - When Miss Vallance didn't cast me

in the Year 5 production of Jesus Christ Superstar.

- What? - It's so obvious now that I see it.

I really don't think that's it--

There's only one way to undo that emotional scar.

Cast me in your musical.

No. It's my baby. My expensive baby. I'm not letting you inside my baby.

Oh, come on. I'm loud and desperate for attention.

I'm perfect for musical theatre.

No, you'll just mess it up,

and I'll have to go back and undo everything.

You can go back again?

Isn't it great?

We can't fail.

But we're not doing this to be perfect. It's just a bit of fun.

Yeah, and people say that I frequently bring a sense of fun to proceedings.

If I give you a role, will you shut up?

- Yep. - Okay. Um, okay, here.

You can play my wise old master.

Clark has a point.

Just because you have your power back

doesn't necessarily mean you should use it.

Well, you can help me avoid using it by being my stage manager.

Use your voice, remember?

What? Like, telling people what to do?

- Mm-hmm. - Oh, I don't know.

But you're good at real things. I'm just the ideas guy.

No, I need my hands free so I can focus on birthing this art baby.

Oh, okay.

It's our opening and closing night. It has to be perfect.

This is one ugly baby.

Hello, little fella.

Oh, our cat just died.

We're looking to find another one to spoil.

Mmm. So, you admit you can't keep a cat alive?

Well-Well, he was 21.

Well, I can't have you project your grief onto my boy.

It's not good for his mental health.

Ah.

Look at me. It's fine.

- Cast! All together now! Howdy! - Over here. Yeah.

I think, and I'm r-- I'm really sorry if I'm wrong,

but I-I think you're all due on stage, like, soon.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

L-Like, now...

...could-could be good.

Rub the bump.

No. Right, louder then.

Here! Fuck off. Get your arses on that stage!

Thank you.

Maybe I should just channel someone more assertive.

No! How are you going to learn to be fucking independent bitch Carrie

if you're always channelling someone else?

So, you're the one always making her do it.

What are you doing here?

I'm working! I'm the official seamstress, I'll have you know.

And I'm still not talking to you, so...

Well, I'm not talking to you either, so...

Jen, I think you should tell her about the clinic.

I--

I got kicked out of the clinic.

- What did you do? - What did I do?

- It wasn't her fault. - Yeah, I'm innocent.

Well, no. Okay, I-I did...

I hooked up with my coach.

Mary, really. Transference.

Very common in these mentor-patient relationships.

I've been listening to this psychology--

Oh, go on, tell me off. I'm irresponsible. I always do this.

What a waste of money. Threaten to abort me, et cetera.

I have to go.

So much for sympathy.

She loves cats.

What are the first steps you should take

when your cat displays early signs of feline AIDS?

Ladies and gentlemen, the show is about to begin.

Oh, shit.

♪ It's a tough city A tough, tough city ♪

♪ Crime is rife And the streets are gritty ♪

♪ Danger lurks around every corner ♪

♪ If you're a visitor Oh, we gotta warn ya ♪

♪ Get the fuck out of Milton Keynes ♪

♪ The sun goes down And the place gets mean ♪

♪ Not every town is afraid to sleep ♪

♪ With the doors unlocked And the guns uncocked ♪

♪ Milton Keynes ♪

Oh, no! Criminals.

♪ How can we go on ♪

♪ We've suffered way too long ♪

♪ We need somebody to save us ♪

♪ Someone who's strong and courageous ♪

We need the law.

We need better street lighting.

We need to address social inequality and produce lasting structural change.

No. You need a hero.

Jesus Christ.

♪ I used to be normal ♪

♪ He was such a loser boy ♪

♪ But now I've got a purpose ♪

♪ A purpose ♪

♪ A reason to be ♪

- ♪ A hero ♪ - ♪ Hero ♪

- ♪ And that's what I wanna be ♪ - ♪ What I want to be ♪

- ♪ A hero... ♪ - ♪ A hero ♪

♪ ...that people all adore ♪

♪ A hero is so... ... much more ♪

Wait.

Wait, wait. That was off. So pitchy.

Um... uh...

I mean--

♪ A hero is so much, much ♪

♪ Much, much ♪

That's it.

♪ A hero that's so much more ♪

♪ Than what I was ♪

♪ Before ♪

No, let's take it from the top.

Nope! Too old!

♪ Baby, bye-bye Baby, bye-bye ♪

I think it's gonna be a private education.

Yeah.

Uh, okay, okay. You're on in 30 seconds.

Yeah, I'm just gonna nip out and grab a coffee.

What? No. Uh, I'd prefer it if you didn't do that.

Relax. We've got ages.

Behold the awesome power of The Wriggler.

♪ Worms is what I do Worms is what I know ♪

♪ Riding worms around like a rodeo ♪

- Am I back on the course? - Jen, thank God. Please help.

That's a weapon! A weapon!

- Can you please come and call her off? - Call who off?

Oh, no! A rapist!

Dynamite Lad.

Explode the rapist!

Oh, no! A rapist!

Dynamite Lad, give the rapist a stern talking-to.

Uh, we'll let you off this time,

but d-don't do it again.

- What? - Uh...

That's not the cue.

Should I detonate it?

Uh-- Um... sorry.

- Such a good script. - Yeah, when you came out as a worm.

- It's the specificity. - I know. Yeah, yeah.

I went out there, and I channelled the character.

See, this is exactly why I didn't want you to use your power tonight.

You'll never be satisfied.

I just wanna do something perfectly for once.

I don't wanna fuck up again like I always do.

I'm not perfect. You gonna start rewinding me?

No.

Unless you want me to. You were a bit flat on that last number.

Only a bit flat!

Life isn't a rehearsal, Kash.

What does that mean?

Come on out. Come on out, I said!

Hello, police?

- Mum! Mum, Mum. - I wanna talk to them. Call them!

- Hey, whoa, Mum, put the hurley down. - Oh, thank God. Jen.

Jennifer, please get out of the way so I can beat this man--

- She's insane. - You're fucking right, I am!

No one takes advantage of my daughter.

- She kissed me, technically. - Oh, for Christ's sake.

Can you not move your lips out of the way?

She's had a shit time of it, and she's got absolutely nothing going on.

You're having a go at him, not me.

She's young, and stupid, and vulnerable.

I expect her to fuck up. But you?

You should have enough hair on your arse to know right from wrong.

Yeah, and I want my money back. You promised me a power.

It's not rocket science, Jen. You're smart.

- You can figure it out. - Just tell me what to do.

Tell her to put that stick down first.

Oh. Is this-- Is this your car?

No, don't! She's got her MOT on Tuesday.

- Ah. - Please, please.

Hold on, hold on!

Tell me what to do.

You have to say goodbye to your dad. Permanently.

You've got to move on.

Bullshit.

I did what you said.

Yeah. I don't give a fuck.

Go on, girl! Now, go on!

Come on! Yes!

Whoa! Okay, that's enough. That's enough! Stop it! Come on.

Come on, run! Run, run, run, run!

Yeah! Fuck you, you wanker!

- Stupid car! Hate you! - Sick pervert!

Yeah, your car is shite!

Carrie, Carrie, Carrie.

They're trying to make me pay for eight tickets,

but what if I just cover their little eyes like this?

You haven't given them away? Jizz.

I'm not gonna give them away to strangers. That's unnatural.

You're wearing teats.

They need their family.

I-I don't want these guys to spend their whole lives wondering where they belong.

- But-- - They're staying with me,

and I'm gonna name them.

Don't.

Milk bag.

- Seat belt. - Please stop naming them.

- I-I really think it's-- - The fat one.

Brick!

- David-- - Robert Jizzlord Clutton,

shut up and listen to me!

We adopted you, and we love you.

Someone will adopt these kittens and love them.

You belong with us. Do you understand?

I--

Now, as soon as this musical is over,

you march your lily white ass home

and find owners for those adorable munchkins,

or so help me God.

Yes, sir.

Oh, I treasure our friendship.

Yes.

Okay, let's work the problem. Move 18C up to 18A.

Where is she?

- Anyone got eyes on Jen? - Negative.

Okay. Megan fills in. Let's get her in costume.

Clark, get me a Sharpie. Cue cards.

Let's go, people. Look alive.

- I'm here. I'm here, I'm here. - Oh, thank God.

- Okay. - Why you disappointed?

Well, it's just that I feel alive for the first time in my life.

Making decisions, being in charge.

I thought the chaos would consume me, but it's only made me more powerful.

I can do anything. I'm never gonna die!

- That's my bitch. Mm-hmm. - Now, this bitch needs you in costume.

- You wanna get your power, right? - Huh?

Performing. Miss Vallance. Jesus Christ Superstar.

Getting over your childhood trauma. Keep up, Jen.

- Yeah, of course. - You still think this will work, right?

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Where are the arm holes?

Master!

It was Flame-O.

He broke in using his incredible flame powers and shot me.

You'll be okay. I can save you.

No. You--

You are my most smart and attractive pupil.

The city needs you!

But you can't die.

You're only one day away from retirement.

Yes, yes. I'm only one day away from retirement

- as a wizard or something, is it? - Jen.

But you can't die. You're only one day away from retirement,

and I'm not ready to face Flame-O on my own.

What if I fail?

Then you will learn.

Our mistakes teach us,

but only if we are brave enough to make them.

Fuck, that's deep.

Huh?

It's your line.

Oh, shit.

You're right, Master.

If I wanna become the hero I was born to be,

I have to let you go.

I will mourn your passing, but I have to move on.

Wait-- Or I couldn't stick around, you know, as a ghost or something?

You know? Just-Just hanging around.

- No. - Y-You don't have to do this.

You could move on, and I can still be here.

- It makes total sense story-wise. - Jen.

No-- I don't know why everyone is so fucking obsessed with me dying!

I don't want to die. I'm not going anywhere.

Why do I have to go? It's not fair. It's not--

It's not fucking fair.

♪ From where it comes ♪

Lights down.

♪ And where it falls ♪

Let her go, Flame-O.

Never!

There's something I have to do.

All right.

I figured out why it didn't explode.

I forgot to prime the detonator charge before we closed him up.

Okay. So, do that.

But it's all sealed up.

Then get him to phase his hand in and do it.

I'm not sticking my hand in there.

Let's go, Jen.

It's just a little finger.

What does it feel like?

- It's like a switch. - I can't find it.

It's right down the back. Root around.

As we speak, my fearless vigilantes are giving your henchmen a pounding.

Yeah. I mean, that'll do it.

We've really fucked up, guys.

- Shall we just go get pizza? - Yeah.

- Is it over? - But what about the city?

It's just Milton Keynes. Who gives a shit?

Sorry for being a dick.

It's gonna be hard for me, but I promise to try my best to fuck up in the future.

I think you'll manage it.

♪ One foot in front of the other, yeah On our way ♪

Whoo!

♪ And I feel all right I feel all right ♪

♪ I feel all right I feel all right ♪

I'll just--

I'll, um--

Bye.

Are you sure?

Okay.

Oh.

It's time, isn't it?

I'm sick of all your dad jokes, so...

Jesus. They're not that bad, are they?

It's not that I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

- I do. I really, really do. - I know.

I know. It's okay, pet.

Maybe you can just stay a bit longer. Just a little bit.

You haven't seen me do anything yet. It's just--

I can be better. I want you to see a better version of me.

♪ To love someone so much ♪

I think this version's perfect.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Toodle.

Toodle who?

♪ But I think I'm lost without you ♪

He's gone.

I'm so sorry. He's gone.

Come on.

I didn't know what to do, so I made some sandwich--

Aw.

Oh.

Oh.

♪ Standing on the platform Watching you go ♪

Look after my boy.

Thank you.

Your mum's right. The void is a good place for it.

Yeah, and it's just pure coincidence she had an old microwave to get rid of.

"Oh, I know you've been through something emotionally devastating,

but please think of my white goods."

- You're a funny guy. - You okay?

Uh, that wasn't meant as a joke.

Well, is anything...

I don't want to jinx it, but I have felt a little tingling in my fingertips.

That's definitely a symptom of getting your power. I read it somewhere.

Try something. You can do it.

Use your hands.

Don't worry. Try again!

Keep trying, keep trying.

Yay!

- Oh, my God. - Yes! Come on!

I've got my power.

Nah, this was one of mine. Sorry, Jen.

- What? - Oh, it was on a timer, not a switch.

My bad.

Oh, Jen.

Hey.

No, it's fine.

It's fine. It's fine.

- Where are you going? - I'm gonna throw this in the void.

- Want us to come with you-- - No, it's fine.

I want to be alone.

What's going in?

- Treasured memories? - Five quid.

Where does it go?

- Don't know. Somewhere else. - Somewhere good?

Just somewhere else.

If you wanna dive in, I can look the other way for an extra 20.

No, just these.

Right. Go on.

♪ Last night, I saw your face In the hallowed light ♪

♪ You were standing taller Than the mountainside ♪

♪ Your long hair flowed down In blues and whites ♪

Jen!

♪ I just stood there Bathed in the quiet ♪

Jen?

I know you said you wanted to be alone, but--

That's fucking stupid!

Are you okay?

- No. - Come on.

We're coming.

♪ When you lie to me It's in the small stuff ♪

Sometimes you do everything right,

and the universe still doesn't hold up its end of the bargain.

God, if I ever meet the universe, I'm gonna...

Let's go home. Get a cuppa, hmm?

You know, I don't know why she's throwing this away.

I mean, it's perfectly good.

- Just chuck it, Kash. Oh, my God. - No, but it still works. Look.

Ow! Whoa!

Uh, guys?

Teeny tiny problem.

- ♪ And now I feel so ♪ - ♪ It's getting dark ♪

- ♪ Welcome back to black hole, baby ♪ - ♪ Welcome back ♪

You've got to be shitting me.

- ♪ Welcome back to black hole, baby ♪ - ♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ So congrats, you've earned this trophy Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

- ♪ Welcome back to black hole, honey ♪ - ♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

- ♪ Welcome back to black hole, honey ♪ - ♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

- ♪ Hold my hand 'cause the end is coming ♪ - ♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪