Original subtitles

[seagulls cawing]

I'M TELLING YOU, LADY, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY HANGAR.

WELL, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BIRDS.

I DIDN'T TOUCH THOSE STUPID BIRDS,

AND THEY'RE NOT YOUR BIRDS ANYWAY.

THEY ARE, TOO, I ADOPTED THEM.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THIS KOOK THAT YOU'VE GOT WORKING FOR YOU

WAS OVER BY MY HANGAR IN THE TALL GRASS

CRAWLING AROUND ON HER BELLY.

SHE LOOKED LIKE SOME MUTANT GOPHER.

WELL, YOU'RE NO MAGAZINE COVER YOURSELF.

HEY, YOU... GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS,

NOW, LET'S JUST GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

NOW, FIRST OF ALL, WHAT IS THAT THING?

UH, WELL, IT'S MY OWN INVENTION.

I--I USE IT TO PEEK AROUND CORNERS AND LOOK AT BIRDS WITH.

I CALL IT, "THE THING I USE TO PEEK AROUND CORNERS AND LOOK AT BIRDS WITH."

WORKS FOR ME. I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE CALLS IT.

JUST TELL HER TO KEEP IT AWAY FROM MY HANGAR.

I'M USING IT TO GET A GOOD LOOK AT 3 SHORT-EARED OWLS

THAT ARE NESTING OUT THERE.

IF ROY HAS HIS WAY, HE'S GOING TO BUILD AN ADDITION TO HIS HANGAR

RIGHT ON TOP OF THEM.

I NEED THAT EXTRA SPACE FOR A HANGAR TO PARK MY NEW PLANE.

ROY, COULDN'T YOU PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE?

I'VE GOT A SUGGESTION.

YOU AND ME, THE PARKING LOT, ANYTIME YOU'RE READY, GRANNY.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ROY-- SHE'S BEEN ASKIN' FOR IT.

GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT, LUMPY.

HEY, COME ON, YOU TWO.

JOE, CAN YOU COME TO THE NEXT AIRPORT COMMITTEE MEETING

AND HELP US SAVE THE OWLS?

COME ON, COME ON, HACKETT, THIS REALLY DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.

AND BESIDES, SOMEDAY YOU MIGHT WANT ME TO RETURN THE FAVOR, HMM?

FAY, ROY'S RIGHT.

IF I ATTEND THAT MEETING I COULD SERIOUSLY JEOPARDIZE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

WHAT TIME SHOULD I BE THERE?

8:00.

OH, YOU'RE A SWEETHEART, JOE.

THANKS FOR A WONDERFUL FLIGHT.

HEY, THE PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE, GLORIA.

BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SIGNED UP FOR OUR BONUS TRAVEL MILES?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ONE OF THOSE PROGRAMS?

I DON'T, BUT FOR YOU, I'D START ONE.

NOW, IF YOU JUST GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER, YOU CAN SIT IN FIRST CLASS.

IF YOU HAVE DINNER WITH ME,

YOU CAN SIT ON MY LAP.

GET SERIOUS.

BRIAN, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULDN'T USE MY AIRLINE AS A DATING SERVICE.

HEY, JOE, EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN WHY WE HAVE THIS AIRLINE.

YOU KNOW, DAD WAS RIGHT. WE SHOULD'VE HAD YOU NEUTERED ALONG WITH RANGER.

(Brian) HOLD THOSE SCISSORS, JOE,

I GOT A BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU.

YOU, TOO, HELEN. SHAKE IT ON OVER HERE.

HEY, GUYS,

YOU KNOW HOW WE'RE ALWAYS SAYING THAT WE NEVER GET TOGETHER, JUST THE 3 OF US,

YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN WE WERE KIDS.

YEAH.

WELL, LISTEN TO THIS.

FRIDAY NIGHT,

3 SEATS, CENTER COURT CELTICS-KNICKS GAME.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME, THAT'S GREAT.

HOW DID YOU SCORE TICKETS LIKE THAT?

AH, A FRIEND OF MINE DID ME A LITTLE FAVOR.

YOU REMEMBER JERRY WHO WORKS OVER AT AIR FREIGHT AT LOGAN?

THE GUY WITH THE HOLE IN HIS CHEEK? YEAH.

WELL, HE HAS ACCESS TO LARRY BIRD'S PERSONAL--

LARRY BIRD'S PERSONAL SEATS! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

NO, HE HAS ACCESS TO LARRY BIRD'S PERSONAL PLUMBER.

AND HE GOT US THE SEATS?

NO. WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE,

WE GOT THE TICKETS FROM A GIRL NAMED BABS.

OH, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? I AM THERE. YEAH, ME, TOO.

THIS IS GONNA BE LIKE OLD TIMES.

THE 3 MUSKETEERS TOGETHER AGAIN.

[shouting]

SO, UH, WHAT DO WE OWE BABS FOR THE TICKETS?

I CAN ANSWER THAT IN 3 SIMPLE WORDS.

BONUS TRAVEL MILES.

CONGRATULATIONS. HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON.

HI, FAY. HI, JOE. HOW WAS THE FLIGHT?

OH, THE FLIGHT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE.

THE HARD PART WAS GETTING THOSE TWO

TO RETURN THEIR SEATS TO THE UPRIGHT POSITION.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE IN SUCH A CHIPPER MOOD TODAY.

YEAH, WHY SHOULDN'T I BE? I'M GOING TO THE CELTICS GAME TONIGHT.

OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

WHAT--WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

ROY FOUND OUT YOU WERE GOING TO THE GAME TONIGHT,

AND HE GOT THE AIRPORT COMMITTEE TO CALL AN EMERGENCY MEETING.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU, UH, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO HANDLE THAT OWL THING.

WHAT ABOUT THE PRESIDENT OF THE NANTUCKET NATURE SOCIETY?

LOIS-- LOIS SANDERS. NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

YOU REMEMBER THAT BUMPER STICKER SHE HAS ON HER CAR,

"I BRAKE FOR FIELD MICE"?

WELL, SHE DID AND GOT REAR-ENDED BY A BUS.

I PAID HER A VISIT IN THE HOSPITAL.

SHE'S DOIN' FINE.

WELL, SHE'S STILL A LITTLE SKITTISH IF YOU COME UP BEHIND HER AND GO, "BEEP."

SO YOU'VE-- YOU'VE GOT TO COME TO THE MEETING, JOE. YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.

OH, NO, NO, FAY.

NO, NO, PLEASE.

WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT THE KNICKS AND THE CELTICS.

YOU PROMISED.

SHE'S GOT YOU THERE, JOE.

UNLESS YOU HAD YOUR FINGERS CROSSED, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT.

BUT...

OH, ALL RIGHT.

GOOD, BE THERE AT 8:00. IT SHOULD BE FUN.

FRANK GOODMAN'S TWINS HAD THEIR TONSILS OUT AND HE'S GOING TO BRING THEM.

THE--THE TWINS, I--I THINK.

BAD NEWS, GUYS. I CAN'T GO TO THE GAME.

I GOTTA GO TO THIS AIRPORT COMMITTEE MEETING TONIGHT.

OH, NO, JOE. YEAH, I'M AFRAID SO,

BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO PROMISE ME

THAT YOU TWO WON'T LET MY NOT GOING STAND IN YOUR WAY.

STAND IN OUR WAY OF WHAT?

GOING TO THE GAME, YOU KNOW, THE 3 MUSKETEERS AND ALL.

IT WOULD BE JUST LIKE YOU GUYS TO CANCEL IT 'CAUSE I CAN'T MAKE IT.

GOOD ONE, JOE.

COOL, COOL.

SO, WHAT TIME DO YOU WANNA GET GOING?

SOMEWHERE AROUND 6:00. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FINE FOR ME.

[door opening]

(Brian) JOEY, WHAT'S UP?

UH, I'M TRYING TO RECONCILE THESE FUEL BILLS AGAINST THE ORIGINAL ORDERS.

OH, WELL, DON'T LET ME BOTHER YOU.

[imitating Ping-Pong game]

[imitating Ping-Pong ball bouncing away]

DID YOU WANT SOMETHING?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I JUST CAME BY TO SAY THAT, UH,

IT'S NOT GONNA BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU TONIGHT.

HEY, YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THIS, RIGHT?

LOOK, UH, I'M KIND OF BUSY HERE. I GOTTA FINISH--

HEY, I'M BOTHERING YOU. BOTHERING YOU.

SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY.

SORRY.

[tapping pencil]

YOU KNOW, THERE IS ONE THING, THOUGH.

THAT I--I KNOW I'VE ASKED YOU THIS BEFORE, MAYBE,

BUT JUST IN CASE ANYTHING'S CHANGED, YOU KNOW--

WHAT? WHAT?

WELL, YOU AND HELEN?

IS THERE, UH-- IS THERE ANYTHING GOING ON BETWEEN YOU GUYS?

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, UH, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HER CELLO OUT OF ITS CASE?

AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR? YOU KNOW?

UH, I TOLD YOU. WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

GOOD. SEE YOU.

WHY DO YOU ASK?

OH, IT'S NOTHING IMPORTANT.

IT'S-- IT'S JUST SOMETHING I THOUGHT I PICKED UP ON,

YOU KNOW. PICKED UP ON?

YEAH. WHY? DID HELEN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME?

NO, NO, NO, NO. I-I-I'M JUST TRYING TO BE A LITTLE EXTRA CAREFUL,

YOU KNOW, GIVEN OUR PAST HISTORY WITH WOMEN AND ALL.

OH, YOU MEAN, LIKE, WHEN YOU RAN OFF WITH CAROL

EVEN THOUGH AT THE TIME SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND?

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD EXAMPLE. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

BUT, UH, THIS TIME I WANNA MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY'S TOES GET STEPPED ON.

SEE YA.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THIS TIME?

JOE, JOE, WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE ALONE TOGETHER,

THINGS CAN HAPPEN.

AND SO IF BY CHANCE OR BY THE GRACE OF GOD, THINGS HAPPEN WITH HELEN,

I'LL JUST FEEL A LOT BETTER KNOWING I HAVE YOUR BLESSING. THANK YOU.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE. I DIDN'T GIVE YOU MY BLESSING.

I SIMPLY ANSWERED A YES OR NO QUESTION.

BESIDES, YOU'RE FORGETTING HELEN'S RULES.

SHE DOESN'T DATE PILOTS.

WELL, SO SHE SAYS,

BUT, UH, IF OPPORTUNITY DOES KNOCK,

I WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH TO BE WEARING WHEN I ANSWER THE DOOR.

YOU'RE DREAMIN'.

HEY--HEY--HEY, DAMN RIGHT.

WELL, SEE YOU LATER.

WISH US LUCK.

RIGHT. GO, CELTS.

HUH?

OH, OH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

[chuckling] CELTS.

(Roy) THE AIRPORT IS A MAJOR TRANSPORTATION ARTERY

TO THIS ISLAND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE SITTING AROUND HERE TALKING ABOUT SOME COCKEYED OWLS.

SHORT-EARED OWLS.

HEY, JOE, HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CELTICS?

A WATER PIPE BROKE AT THE GARDEN THIS AFTERNOON AND FLOODED THE COURT.

THEY HAD TO CALL OFF THE GAME.

REALLY? WELL, THEN I DIDN'T MISS ANYTHING. THAT'S GREAT.

NO, IT ISN'T.

IF THERE WASN'T A GAME, WHAT ARE BRIAN AND HELEN DOING?

AND WHERE ARE THEY DOING IT?

JOE, I BELIEVE YOU'RE, UH, NEXT UP.

WELL, THOSE OWLS SEEM TO BE DOING JUST FINE,

SO I THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

YOU CALL THAT PROGRESS?

ROY, THOSE 3 OWLS SHOULD BE TOGETHER.

JOE, NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SEPARATING THEM.

NOBODY EVER DOES. IT JUST HAPPENS.

SEE, THE BALANCE OF NATURE IS VERY DELICATE.

I MEAN, THE SLIGHTEST LITTLE DISTURBANCE

AND EVERYTHING CAN GO OFF KILTER.

I MEAN, HERE WE HAVE 3 OWLS WHO ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY TOGETHER.

BUT WHAT IF ONE DAY 2 OF THOSE OWLS DECIDED TO FLY AWAY

TO BOSTON, FOR EXAMPLE?

LEAVING THE 3RD OWL TO DO HIS CIVIC DUTY.

OH, SURE, SURE, IT MIGHT START OFF WITH JUST BASKETBALL.

BUT WHAT IF THAT GAME WERE CANCELLED?

WHAT WOULD THEY DO THEN?

THINK ABOUT IT.

2 HEALTHY, ATTRACTIVE OWLS.

BEFORE LONG, THEY WOULDN'T EVEN LET THEIR LIFELONG FRIEND BACK INTO THE NEST.

THE FRIEND THAT WAS ALWAYS THERE WHEN THEY NEEDED HIM.

DOES THAT SOUND FAIR? I THINK NOT.

THE GOOD OWL, THE RESPONSIBLE OWL

WOULD BE STUCK OUT IN THE COLD ALL BY HIMSELF

WHILE THE OTHER 2 OWLS WERE OFF LAUGHING AND HAVING FUN.

JOE.

HUH?

OH.

SAVE THE OWLS.

[whistling]

THANK YOU, JOE.

AND BEFORE WE LEAVE TONIGHT, LET'S MAKE SURE JOE HAS A DESIGNATED DRIVER.

WELL, TIME TO VOTE.

EXCUSE ME.

I HEARD JOE MENTION OWLS AND I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HAS ANY RELEVANCE

BUT, UH, I WAS OUT BY ROY'S HANGAR

AND I RAN OVER 3 OF THEM IN MY PICKUP.

[laughing]

MEETING'S ADJOURNED.

REFRESHMENTS ARE OVER AT THE COUNTER.

GEE, FAY, I'M REALLY SORRY.

IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I DON'T THINK THE OWLS SUFFERED.

YOU CRUSHED THEM WITH A TRUCK!

BUT REAL QUICK.

I HAD TO BE DOIN' A GOOD 40.

CHICKEN WING, FAY?

[keys rattling]

(Helen) THAT WAS A VERY SPECIAL EVENING, BRIAN.

I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD DO A FLAMING SWORD DANCE. AH.

HEY, NO ONE WAS MORE SURPRISED THAN ME,

EXCEPT MAYBE THE TOURISTS AT THE OLD NORTH CHURCH.

I REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME. YEAH, ME, TOO. ME, TOO.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU COME IN FOR SOME COFFEE?

REALLY? ME IN THE INNER SANCTUM?

WELL, SO LONG AS I'M ALREADY HERE.

HOPE INSTANT'S OK?

YEAH, BUT, UH, MAKE IT QUICK.

HEY, NICE SHOT OF YOUR PARENTS.

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS GOT THE FEELING THAT YOUR OLD MAN, UH, WASN'T TOO FOND OF ME.

NO, THAT WAS MOM.

DAD COULDN'T STAND YOU.

HMM.

I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE.

YOU JUST MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

COMFORTABLE.

[utensils rattling] I CAN DO COMFORTABLE.

(Helen) IT'S TOO BAD JOE COULDN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT.

YEAH, IT'S A REAL SHAME.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,

IT DID GIVE YOU AND ME A CHANCE TO BECOME REACQUAINTED.

YEAH, I HAVEN'T FELT THIS CLOSE TO YOU IN YEARS.

YOU KNOW, BRIAN, I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY.

I REMEMBER WHEN I MOVED HERE FROM TEXAS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE WITHOUT YOU AND JOE.

YOU GUYS WERE MY ONLY FRIENDS.

AND EVERYONE ELSE WAS AFRAID TO EVEN TALK TO ME.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WELL, I'M KIND OF ASHAMED TO ADMIT THIS,

BUT ALL NIGHT I KEPT EXPECTING YOU

TO MAKE SOME ASININE SCHOOLBOY PASS AT ME.

BOY, WOULDN'T THAT HAVE RUINED THE WHOLE EVENING?

IT WOULD?

IT SURE WOULD.

IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN A NICE TIME AND TURNED IT INTO SOMETHING CHEAP.

[kettle hissing]

YOU KNOW, THESE DAYS, ALL GUYS SEEM TO BE INTERESTED IN IS SCORING.

BOY, IS THAT A TURNOFF.

YEAH, COULDN'T AGREE WITH YOU MORE.

IF THEY ONLY KNEW HOW STUPID IT MADE THEM LOOK.

YEAH.

YEAH, STUPID.

DO YOU TAKE CREAM?

OH, OK.

[snorting]

THIS IS REALLY AMUSING. OH, BOY.

GREAT MOMENTS IN BRITISH HISTORY?

YEAH, YEAH. CHURCHILL JUST GAVE THE QUEEN A WEDGIE.

BRIAN, CAN I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?

YEAH. I WISH YOU WOULD.

WHY DID YOU EVER MARRY CAROL?

I MEAN, HERE YOU WERE, A REASONABLY NICE GUY,

TAKEN IN BY A MANIPULATIVE,

OVERSEXED, HOT-PANTSED, LITTLE LIAR.

HMM.

WHAT COULD IT HAVE BEEN?

COME ON, BRIAN, BE SERIOUS. OK. OK.

[clearing throat]

I... OH, GOSH, I MARRIED CAROL BECAUSE,

UH, WHEN IT CAME TO HER, I COULDN'T SAY NO TO ANYTHING.

AND, UM, I GAVE HER WHATEVER SHE WANTED

AND FOR A SHORT TIME, I GUESS SHE WANTED ME.

SO...

[sighs]

I WAS HURT, HELEN.

HURT BADLY.

AND, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT

IN THE SOLITUDE OF MY ROOM, I HAVE WEPT.

I SOMETIMES WONDER IF I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO TOUCH A WOMAN AGAIN.

DO I REALLY LOOK THAT STUPID TO YOU?

OF COURSE NOT, BUT LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY TOO BAD, BRIAN.

I REALLY HOPED WE'D GET THROUGH THIS WHOLE EVENING WITHOUT YOU BEING A JERK.

AH, ADMIT IT, I LASTED A LOT LONGER THAN YOU THOUGHT I WOULD.

COME ON, IT'S TIME TO GO HOME.

[crickets chirping]

UH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

JOE IS PARKED ACROSS THE STREET WATCHING THE HOUSE.

JOE?

WHAT'S HE DOING OUT THERE?

I GUESS HE'S, UH... HE DOESN'T TRUST US TO BE ALONE TOGETHER.

WHAT'S IT ANY OF HIS BUSINESS?

MAN, HE TREATS ME LIKE I'M HIS LITTLE SISTER.

HMM.

WELL, IF JOE WANTS TO WORRY,

I'M GONNA GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

I THINK IT'S TIME THAT YOU AND I TEACH JOE A LESSON.

OH, GOOD IDEA, HELEN.

LET'S YOU AND I TEACH HIM A LESSON UNTIL WE'RE JUST TOO EXHAUSTED

TO TEACH HIM ANYMORE.

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO YEAH?

IS HAVE YOU GO OUT THE BACK AND WALK HOME,

AND WE'LL LEAVE JOE SITTIN' OUT THERE THINKIN' YOU AND I SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER.

OH, RIGHT, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD REALLY TEACH HIM A LESSON? WHAT?

IF WE TOOK OFF ALL OUR CLOTHES AND PRANCED BY THE WINDOW A FEW TIMES.

GET OUT.

OK. OK. HELEN LOOK...

HEY, HELEN.

JOE DIDN'T COME BACK HOME LAST NIGHT.

YES, HE WAS STILL ASLEEP IN HIS CAR WHEN I LEFT FOR WORK THIS MORNING.

SO, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM?

OH, WHEN WE'VE HAD A LITTLE FUN WITH HIM.

I THINK WE DESERVE THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING HIM TWIST IN THE WIND.

BOY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD SUCH A DARK SIDE.

I LIKE IT.

MORNING, JOE. MORNING, SUNSHINE.

BRIAN. HELEN.

YOU KNOW, BRIAN,

I JUST CAN'T QUIT THINKIN' ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

HMM. I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME.

OH, ME, TOO.

YOUR, UH, COFFEE WAS NOTHING SHORT OF INCREDIBLE.

THANK YOU. I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY INCREDIBLE MYSELF.

YEAH.

HEY, WHAT KNOCKS ME OUT IS HOW LONG IT STAYED SO HOT.

WE'LL HAVE TO HAVE COFFEE AGAIN.

SOON, I HOPE.

SO, HOW WAS THE GAME?

(both) OH, GREAT.

GREAT. YEAH. IT WAS AN USUALLY PHYSICAL EVENING.

LOTS OF CONTACT, LOTS OF SWEAT.

AND COME TO THINK OF IT, LOTS OF SCORIN'.

WE REALLY MISSED YOU, JOE.

YOU DID NOT.

YOU DIDN'T MISS ME AT ALL.

AND I HAPPEN TO KNOW THE CELTICS GAME WAS CALLED OFF LAST NIGHT.

I KNOW THAT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT LATER ON AT HELEN'S.

WE PLAYED TWISTER.

ALL NIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT, BRIAN. I KNOW YOU NEVER CAME HOME LAST NIGHT.

ARE YOU SURE, JOE?

I MEAN, ARE--ARE YOU POSITIVE ABOUT THAT?

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO STAKE YOUR LIFE ON THAT? BE CAREFUL.

THIS COULD BE A TRICK QUESTION. YEAH, I'D STAKE MY LIFE ON IT.

BANG, BANG, YOU'RE DEAD.

JOE, WE SAW YOU OUTSIDE.

WHILE YOU WERE STARING AT MY FRONT DOOR,

BRIAN LEFT OUT THE BACK.

WE WERE BOTH HOME IN OUR OWN BEDS ALONE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, JOE,

THE NEXT TIME YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT MY PRIVATE LIFE,

ASK ME.

IT'LL SAVE YOU A NIGHT ON STAKEOUT.

HEY, I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU.

I WANNA KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPY ON ME?

I WASN'T SPYING.

I WAS JUST WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT.

GOD, THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

YOU SEE,

BRIAN AND I, WE'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS WEIRD COMPETITION.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE RULES. BUT WHEN HE WINS,

THE PRIZE ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE SOMETHING OF MINE.

FIRST, IT WAS A BASEBALL. THEN IT WAS A BICYCLE.

THEN, A FEW YEARS AGO, IT WAS CAROL.

WELL, LAST NIGHT, I FELT LIKE HE WAS TAKING AWAY A FRIEND.

PLUS, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW BRIAN IS WITH WOMEN. MMM.

HE DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY BONUS TRAVEL MILES, DID HE?

WHAT? [stammering] NEVER MIND.

IT'S-- IT'S JUST THAT I'VE GOTTEN USED TO LOOKIN' AFTER YOU

LIKE A BIG BROTHER.

IF YOU WANT ME TO STOP, I WILL.

WELL, I DIDN'T SAY THAT. BUT THIS IS JUST KIND OF CONFUSING, JOE.

I MEAN, WHEN A BROTHER THINKS YOU'RE IN TROUBLE,

HE RUSHES IN AND PUNCHES YOUR DATE IN THE NOSE.

BUT ONLY SOMEONE WHO'S JEALOUS SPIES ON YOU LIKE A JERK.

WAIT A MINUTE. IS THAT IT?

ARE YOU JEALOUS?

JEALOUS? OH, DON'T BE SILLY. YOU ARE.

OF COURSE, I'M NOT JEALOUS. I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU, THAT'S ALL.

REALLY?

THAT'S ALL? YEAH.

YOU SOUND DISAPPOINTED. DID YOU WANT ME TO BE JEALOUS?

WELL, NOW YOU'RE BEING SILLY. OF COURSE NOT.

OH.

NOW YOU SOUND DISAPPOINTED THAT I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.

WELL, I'M NOT.

SO, IF NEITHER OF US ARE DISAPPOINTED, WE MUST BE FINE.

WELL, I'M FINE. YOU? ME, TOO.

ALL RIGHT.

FRIENDS?

FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, HELEN,

SOMETIMES IT'S OK FOR FRIENDS TO GIVE EACH OTHER A HUG.

SURE, JOE.

BRIAN.

GOD, YOU'RE HUGGING ME AND CALLING OUT HIS NAME.

NO, WE HAVE COMPANY.

BRIAN HACKETT!

(Brian) OH! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE GUY BEHIND THE BLINDS.

I-I'M THE GREAT AND--AND POWERFUL OZ.

(Helen) GET IN HERE!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

JUST MAKING SURE HELEN IS OK.

WELL, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME.

OH, WELL, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE IN HERE BORING HER TO DEATH.

HEY, HEY, GUYS, WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?

NOW, I'M REAL FLATTERED EVERYBODY'S SO WORRIED ABOUT ME.

BUT IF WE'RE GONNA BE THE 3 MUSKETEERS,

WE HAVE TO GET A FEW THINGS STRAIGHT.

OH, GOOD IDEA BECAUSE I-- SHUT UP.

NOW, FOR SOME REASON THAT ESCAPES ME AT THIS MOMENT,

YOU TWO ARE MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.

THAT'S FRIENDS, OK?

COULD WE BE MORE THAN THAT?

WE'LL NEVER KNOW.

BECAUSE AS I'M SURE YOU BOTH REMEMBER, I DON'T DATE PILOTS.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, ABOUT THAT-- SHUT UP!

NOW, THE WHOLE IDEA WAS FOR US TO START HAVING FUN AGAIN,

AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, WE HAVE TO TRUST EACH OTHER

AND PROMISE THAT IF 2 OF THE MUSKETEERS ARE ALONE,

THE REMAINING ONE WON'T MAKE AN ASS OF HIMSELF.

AGREED?

(both) AGREED.

NOW, TUCK IN YOUR SHIRTS, WIPE OFF YOUR NOSES, AND GET BACK TO WORK.

MMM.

YOU EVER NOTICE THAT ONE OF THE MUSKETEERS HAS

A REALLY WORLD-CLASS SET OF LEGS?

GOD, YES.