Original subtitles

[seagulls cawing]

WHY ARE YOU SO RESISTANT TO CHANGE?

CAN'T YOU KEEP AN OPEN MIND AT LEAST?

I LIKE MY FURNITURE THE WAY IT IS.

I DON'T WANT IT REARRANGED.

YEAH. BUT MY WAY, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR BEER CAN,

SIT ON THE SOFA, WATCH T.V.,

AND STILL HAVE A CLEAN, 15-FOOT HOOK SHOT TO THE WASTEBASKET.

THE--THE OLD WAY IS LIKE A CAROM SHOT OFF THE CREDENZA.

DID YOU EVER CONSIDER WALKIN' OVER

TO THE WASTEBASKET TO THROW AWAY YOUR TRASH?

HEY, JOE, IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS DISCUSSION SERIOUSLY, FORGET IT.

YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE YOU CAME BACK TO NANTUCKET,

YOU'VE BEEN TRYIN' TO GET ME TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

I DON'T WANNA CHANGE.

I HAVE A NICE, ORDERLY EXISTENCE AND I LIKE IT.

LOOK, JOE, I'M JUST TRYIN' TO LOOSEN YOU UP A LITTLE BIT.

YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SPONTANEOUS.

HEY, I LIKE SPONTANEITY AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY.

I JUST NEED A LITTLE WARNING SO IT DOESN'T COME COMPLETELY OUT OF NOWHERE.

HEY, HELEN, WAIT A SECOND.

HOW DID YOU LIKE MY NEW IN-FLIGHT SNACK?

I MEANT TO ASK YOU, ROY, WHAT WAS THAT?

TOFU.

IT CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

OK, I WANT IT KEPT AWAY FROM ME.

HEY, HELEN, HOW DID YOUR AUDITION GO?

OH, LIKE ANY OTHER SYMPHONY AUDITION I'VE EVER HAD.

I WENT, I PLAYED, THEY YAWNED.

NOW I GET TO WAIT FOR A PHONE CALL THAT WILL NEVER COME.

WELL, ON THE POSITIVE SIDE, YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE PIECE OF TOFU

IN THE CORNER OF YOUR MOUTH.

THAT'S WHY THE GUY ON THE PLANE KEPT GOIN'...

I THOUGHT HE WAS COMIN' ON TO ME.

HEY, HE'S STILL HERE. WHO? WHAT?

THAT OLD GUY SITTIN' OVER THERE.

HE WAS HERE WHEN I LEFT YESTERDAY.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, SISTER.

HE'S BEEN HERE FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS.

HE'S PROBABLY WAITIN' FOR ONE OF YOUR FLIGHTS.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS I'VE BEEN KEEPIN' AN EYE ON HIM.

HE JUST SITS THERE MORNING TO NIGHT

READING HIS PAPER, TAKIN' THE OCCASIONAL NAP, MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS.

UGH, I DON'T TRUST HIM.

QUICK, HELEN, CALL THE SWAT TEAM.

THERE'S A GUY LOOSE IN THE AIRPORT MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS.

YOU OUGHT TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF, BRIAN. MAYBE HE GIVES LESSONS.

UH, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT GENTLEMAN OVER THERE?

YEAH. YEAH.

I'VE NOTICED HIM. HE'S GOT SWEET EARS.

WHAT?

WHEN A MAN GETS TO BE THAT AGE

AND HE DOESN'T HAVE HAIR GROWING OUT OF HIS EARS,

IT'S A SIGN OF GOOD CHARACTER.

HOWARD. LOWELL.

[whispering] LOWELL. LOWELL. GET OVER HERE.

LOWELL, COME HERE.

WHO IS THAT GUY? HOWARD BANKS.

[shushing]

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?

WELL, NOT MUCH.

HE'S A RETIRED HAT SALESMAN, FLYING SOLO AROUND THE WORLD

IN THAT STEARMAN 2-SEATER OUT THERE.

HIS FAVORITE COLOR IS BLUE

AND HE'S AN ARIES WITH HIS MOON IN SCORPIO.

SORRY I COULDN'T BE MORE HELP.

SPEAKING OF STRANGERS LURKING AROUND THE AIRPORT,

WHAT DO WE REALLY KNOW ABOUT LOWELL?

SAY, UH, BABE, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

IS THAT THE DRESS YOU WORE TO YOUR AUDITION?

YEAH. WHY?

UH, NOTHING, NOTHING. IT'S VERY NICE.

[snoring]

LET ME GUESS.

YOU'RE HINTING THAT MY DRESS IS BORING.

NOT BORING, NO.

IT'S COMA-INDUCING. IT'S A MEMBER OF THE BARBITURATE FAMILY.

SHOULD BE SOLD BY PRESCRIPTION ONLY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I GET IT. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WELL, THE CONDUCTOR'S A MAN? YES.

YOU'RE A WOMAN? THAT'S THE RUMOR.

WELL, DON'T YOU THINK THE CONDUCTOR WOULD WANT TO SEE A LITTLE LEG

IN THE CELLO SECTION NOW AND THEN, HUH?

MAYBE A LITTLE CLEAVAGE ON THE HIGH NOTES?

BUY A NEW DRESS!

GIVE THE MAESTRO A REASON TO KEEP THE OLD BATON IN THE AIR.

LEAVE IT TO YOU TO TURN A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

INTO A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST.

TALENT IS ALL THAT MATTERS, BRIAN.

HUH, YEAH, RIGHT, TALENT.

NOBODY SINGS BETTER THAN MADONNA?

NOBODY READS THE NEWS BETTER THAN MARIA SHRIVER?

COME ON, GET WITH IT. SEX SELLS.

BRIAN, I HAVE TOO MUCH RESPECT FOR MYSELF, FOR MY TALENT,

AND THE WORLD OF MUSIC TO BEHAVE LIKE SOME BIMBO.

SO, FORGET IT, YOU KNOW NOTHING, END OF DISCUSSION.

RIGHT.

UH, BY THE WAY, HELEN, WHILE YOU WERE GONE

YOU GOT A MESSAGE FROM THE CAMBRIDGE SYMPHONY.

AND I ALSO TOOK A DOUGHNUT.

WHAT WAS IT? WHAT WAS IT?

LEMON-FILLED.

WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE, LOWELL?

OH, THEY WANT YOU TO COME BACK

FOR THE FINAL AUDITIONS TOMORROW.

I GOT A CALL-BACK! WOW!

I GOT A CALL-BACK! HEY.

I'M SO EXCITED. I BETTER GO PRACTICE.

WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA WEAR THAT DRESS YOU BETTER PRACTICE A LOT.

BRIAN, I HAVE A LOT OF FAITH IN MY TALENT EVEN IF YOU DON'T.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? STRAPLESS?

SLIT UP THE SIDES? SEXY?

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE MUSICIAN.

UMM, UH, EXCUSE ME.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE FLYING AROUND THE WORLD.

UH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S QUITE AN UNDERTAKING FOR A MAN YOUR AGE.

NOT THAT YOU'RE ANY PARTICULAR AGE.

AND--AND YOU LOOK 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE.

THANK YOU, I THINK.

UH, I'M FAY EVELYN COCHRAN.

HOWARD BANKS.

UH, I'VE NOTICED YOU SITTING HERE.

YES, I, UH, I'VE KEPT AN EYE ON YOU, TOO.

[chuckling] YES, I'VE NOTICED THAT.

I NOTICED THAT YOU NOTICED.

THIS IS GETTING SILLY. I NOTICED THAT, TOO.

UM, I'D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR TRIP.

OH!

[sighing] WELL, 2 YEARS AGO,

I LEFT MY HAT SHOP IN NEW BEDFORD AND STARTED FLYING AROUND THE WORLD.

NEW BEDFORD?

YOU MEAN YOU'RE ONLY 40 MINUTES AWAY FROM COMPLETING YOUR JOURNEY?

THAT'S RIGHT. THEN WHY ARE YOU SITTING AROUND HERE?

WELL, I'M IN NO HURRY.

I'VE GOT NOBODY WAITING FOR ME AT HOME

AND I'M ENJOYING THE LOCAL SCENERY.

[chuckling] OH, YOU FLY-BOYS.

IMAGINE YOUR HUSBAND ENJOYS THE SCENERY, TOO?

WELL, HE WOULD, EXCEPT HE'S PART OF IT.

HE DIED SEVERAL YEARS AGO.

OH--OH, I'M--I'M SORRY. THANK YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT ANXIOUS

TO JUST TAKE OFF AND FINISH YOUR TRIP.

[laughing] BELIEVE ME, I'M NOT.

WHY?

[sighing] WELL,

WHEN I SET BACK DOWN AGAIN

IN NEW BEDFORD, I'M GOING TO DIE.

NOW, EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.

I SURE KNOW HOW TO PICK 'EM.

COME ON. HELEN, HELEN,

FINAL BOARDING CALL. LET'S GO.

OH, JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES, BRIAN, PLEASE.

LOOK, UH, I REALLY HATE TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE

BUT WHEN I TOLD THE OTHER PASSENGERS WE WERE WAITING FOR YOU

THE KINDEST RESPONSE I GOT WAS, "DUMP THE BROAD."

THE SHOP JUST FINISHED THE ALTERATIONS ON MY NEW DRESS.

I CAN'T-- IT SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.

PLEASE, BRIAN, JUST A LITTLE LONGER.

EH, UH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TRY TO STALL THE PASSENGERS WITH A FEW SHOW TUNES.

MAYBE SOMETHIN' FROM A CHORUS LINE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THE ACOUSTICS ON THE PLANE ARE GREAT.

I JUST WISH THE AISLES WERE A LITTLE WIDER.

THIS IS GETTING WEIRDER BY THE MINUTE.

WHAT'S WRONG, ROY?

THAT OLD KOOK WHO'S FLYIN' AROUND THE WORLD

IS UP THERE IN THE MEN'S ROOM BUCK NAKED

TAKING SOME KIND OF FRENCH BATH IN THE SINK.

HE'S THE WHITEST MAN I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT'S NOT GOING WELL AT ALL.

I STARTED SINGING EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AT THE BALLET

AND SOME WOMAN WHACKED ME WITH A FLOATATION DEVICE.

HEY, BRIAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU SHOULD'VE TAKEN OFF 7 MINUTES AGO.

8. YOU'RE SLIPPING.

JOE, IT'S MY FAULT.

I NEED A COUPLE MORE MINUTES.

I'M, UH, JUST NOT QUITE READY TO GO YET.

OH, WELL, I UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE NERVOUS ABOUT YOUR CALL-BACK.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

AFTER ALL, IT'S THE FIRST ONE YOU'VE EVER HAD.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER GOTTEN THIS FAR BEFORE.

UH-HUH.

UP TO NOW YOU'VE FAILED EVERY AUDITION

YOU'VE EVER GONE TO.

NOW YOU'VE REACHED THAT NEXT PLATEAU,

THE PRESSURE IS JUST THAT MUCH MORE PARALYZING.

LET ME GUESS. YOU'VE NEVER WORKED A SUICIDE HOTLINE.

HUH? NEVER MIND.

OK, LET'S GET THIS FLIGHT IN THE AIR.

UH, WELL, WE--WE--WE CAN'T, JOE.

WHY?

WELL, I DON'T THINK I'M EMOTIONALLY READY TO TAKE OFF.

ARE YOU-- ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY READY TO JOB HUNT?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL HIM.

AFTER ALL, I'M NOT A CHILD. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

JOE, I'M WAITING FOR MY AUDITION DRESS

TO GET BACK FROM THE DRESSMAKER'S.

A DRESS IS HOLDING UP MY FLIGHT?

UH, WELL, WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT, JOE.

YOU'RE GONNA WONDER WHAT'S HOLDIN' UP THAT DRESS.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN AUDITION DRESS.

WELL, BRIAN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

TO WEAR SOMETHIN' A LITTLE HOTTER, A LITTLE SEXIER.

OH, BRIAN THOUGHT.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

YOU'RE THINKING IT'S A SLEAZY, DEMEANING TRICK

AND THAT I'VE LOWERED MYSELF TO BRIAN'S LEVEL.

THERE, I'VE SAID IT. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I'M NOT GONNA SAY A WORD.

IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT IF YOU WIN THIS AUDITION, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

WHETHER IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOUR CELLO PLAYING OR SOME SEXY DRESS.

OH, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

HE'S TRYING TO CLOUD THE ISSUE WITH MORALITY.

LIKE I SAID, IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. IT'S YOUR DECISION, HELEN.

YES, YES. BUT I WISH YOU WOULD HURRY UP, HELEN,

BECAUSE THE ONLY OTHER SHOW I KNOW IS PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

AND I DON'T WANNA GIVE THOSE PEOPLE

AN EXCUSE TO RIP HALF MY FACE OFF.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, JOE. I DON'T NEED THAT DRESS.

I CAN DO IT ON MY TALENT ALONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.

IT'S JUST THAT UNTIL RECENTLY,

I'VE BEEN SO OVERWEIGHT THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE OPTION OF BEING SLEAZY AND DEMEANING.

I JUST WANT THIS JOB SO BADLY.

YOU'RE DOIN' THE RIGHT THING.

YOUR TALENT WILL SEE YOU THROUGH.

NOW, BRIAN, GET THE DAMN PLANE OFF THE GROUND.

YES, CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN.

MISS CHAPEL, HERE'S YOUR DRESS.

I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.

OH, WHAT THE HELL. I'VE HAD TALENT ALL MY LIFE.

I JUST GOT THIS BODY.

(Fay) ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 18

FROM BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, THE CRADLE OF LIBERTY.

NO, WAIT, THAT'S PHILADELPHIA.

UH, THE CITY WITH BIG SHOULDERS.

NO, THAT'S CHICAGO. UH, GATEWAY TO THE WEST.

NO, NO.

WELL, I KNOW BOSTON'S SOMETHING.

HELEN'S FLIGHT'S COMIN' IN.

I HOPE SHE DID WELL AT HER AUDITION.

JOE, I CAN TELL HOW HELEN DID

THE SECOND SHE WALKS THROUGH THOSE DOORS.

OH, I WOULDN'T BE TOO SURE.

SHE CAN KEEP A PRETTY STRAIGHT FACE.

I'VE BEEN STUDYING KARAMANDU, THE ANCIENT INDIAN ART OF FACE-READING.

THERE ARE MINUTE MOVEMENTS OF FACIAL MUSCLES

THAT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU,

BUT THAT SPEAK VOLUMES TO ME.

FOR INSTANCE I CAN TELL BY THE SLIGHT WRINKLING OF YOUR FOREHEAD

THAT YOU ARE SKEPTICAL.

WELL, I'M CONVINCED.

[Helen whooping]

[exclaiming]

NOW, HERE'S A CHALLENGE. WHAT'S YOUR READING?

EITHER SHE DID WELL AT HER AUDITION

OR SHE'S DRUNK AS A BILLY GOAT.

SO, UH, IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING WENT OK.

OK? SHE WAS WAILIN', MAN.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE, JOE. I WAS INCREDIBLE.

I WAS SOLID ON MY HAYDN D-MAJOR.

I SHOWED FLASHES OF BRILLIANCE ON MY DVORAK

AND THEN I KICKED SOME SERIOUS BUTT ON MY BRAHMS.

LITTLE MAMA WAS GRINDIN' THAT AXE.

WHO ARE YOU? BLIND LEMON HACKETT?

I'VE GOT IT. CITY OF LIGHT.

NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. SORRY.

I DON'T WANT TO SEEM TOO OVERCONFIDENT,

BUT I THINK I GOT THIS THING SEWN UP.

NOW TELL ME. DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD TO KNOW YOU GOT THIS FAR

ON TALENT ALONE WITHOUT RESORTING TO ANY LOW, CHEAP TACTICS?

YES, OF COURSE.

YOU CAN BE CONFIDENT NOW THAT IT WASN'T SOME SEXY DRESS

THAT CAUGHT THE CONDUCTOR'S ATTENTION.

IT WAS YOUR MUSICAL ABILITY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

NOBODY CAN POINT THEIR FINGER AT YOU AND MAKE SNICKERING INNUENDOES

ABOUT HOW YOU GOT THE JOB.

THERE'S NO QUESTIONING YOUR INTEGRITY--

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I WORE THE DRESS. ARE YOU SATISFIED?

JEEZ, YOU'RE A PIT BULL. DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG, DIG.

UH, HELEN, YOU GOT A CALL.

OH, UH, FAY, BY THE WAY, BOSTON IS KNOWN AS BEAN TOWN.

BEAN TOWN?

PLEASE, JOE, I DIDN'T JUST FALL OFF THE TURNIP TRUCK.

BEAN TOWN.

THE CONDUCTOR CALLED ME HIMSELF.

HE WANTS ME TO CALL HIM BACK.

HEY, THAT'S NICE. THAT'S NICE, HE SAYS.

JOE, YOU MAY KNOW A LOT ABOUT AIRLINES,

BUT YOU KNOW BUBKIS ABOUT MUSIC.

DON'T YOU SEE?

THE CONDUCTOR CALLED ME PERSONALLY.

IT MEANS I MUST HAVE THE JOB.

HELLO, MAESTRO, THIS IS HELEN CHAPEL.

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

YES?

$700?

UH, OH, NO, THAT SOUNDS REASONABLE.

OK, THANK YOU.

GREAT! YOU GOT THE JOB.

UH, NOT QUITE.

WELL, WHAT WAS THE $700?

BODY SHOP ESTIMATE. (Brian) HUH?

APPARENTLY, AS I LEFT THE AUDITION HALL,

I DENTED HIS CAR WITH MY CELLO CASE.

[sighs]

HELEN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, OF COURSE I'M ALL RIGHT.

COULDN'T BE BETTER.

YOU KNOW, I JUST LOVE WORKING HERE AT THE RITZ.

RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH THE CREAM OF SOCIETY.

HAVING CONVERSATIONS MADE UP OF ONE-SYLLABLE WORDS.

GOOD SOUP. HOT.

[screaming]

LI-LISTEN, HELEN, YOU SHOULDN'T--

[plates shattering]

SHE WANTS TO BE ALONE.

WELL, I DID ALL I COULD FOR THE POOR KID.

YEAH, YOU AND THAT STUPID DRESS.

CAN'T YOU EVER MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

FIRST IT WAS ME, THEN IT WAS HELEN.

YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE.

WHAT DID I DO? I MADE A SUGGESTION, IT DIDN'T WORK.

WHERE'S THE HARM IN THAT?

THE HARM IS YOU GOT HER HOPES UP FOR NOTHING.

I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP.

[cutlery crashing] OH, YES, SURE. YOU'RE REAL HELPFUL.

[phone ringing] NOW, IF YOU'RE SO ANXIOUS TO CHANGE SOMETHING,

WHY DON'T YOU START WITH YOURSELF?

OK, JOE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

I PROMISE NEVER TO CHANGE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN

AS LONG AS I LIVE. ALL RIGHT?

WHAT ARE THESE?

PAINT SAMPLES.

WHY IS DAY-GLOW ORANGE CIRCLED?

DON'T SAY ANYTHING NOW.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT ON THE PLANE, THEN DECIDE.

WHAT?

FAY! FAY! UH, EXCUSE ME.

GOOD NEWS.

YOU DECIDED TO FINISH YOUR TRIP.

NO, I DECIDED TO STAY IN NANTUCKET.

I AM NEVER GONNA GO BACK TO NEW BEDFORD.

LISTEN, HOWARD, IN THE LAST 24 HOURS,

YOU'VE TOLD ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE

INCLUDING THAT STRANGE MEDICAL EXPERIMENT YOU VOLUNTEERED FOR.

THE ONE THING YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME IS

WHY YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DIE

AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK HOME.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL...

I'LL TELL YOU.

I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED THIS ONE GREAT ADVENTURE,

FLYING SOLO AROUND THE WORLD.

SO I MADE A VOW TO GOD

THAT AS SOON AS THE TRIP WAS FINISHED,

HE COULD TAKE ME AND I'D DIE A HAPPY MAN.

THAT'S IT, HOWARD?

I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF IN A CORNER, HUH?

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST PERSON WHO EVER MADE A PACT WITH GOD.

I DID MYSELF.

YOU DID?

UH, YES, YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS A STEWARDESS.

ON A FLIGHT TO SEATTLE WE LOST AN ENGINE.

I WAS SURE WE WERE GOING DOWN

AND I PROMISED GOD IF HE GOT ME THROUGH IT ALIVE,

I'D DEVOTE MY LIFE TO HIM AND BECOME A NUN.

REALLY?

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO HARD TO TELL

NOW THAT YOU'VE STOPPED WEARING THOSE HABITS.

OH, HOWARD! YOU'RE SUCH A MOMO.

I NEVER BECAME A NUN

AND--AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

SO I FIGURE, IF GOD REALLY KNOWS EVERYTHING,

THEN HE ALSO KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE FULL OF IT.

AND HOWARD, TRUST ME.

HOWARD.

GET ON THAT PLANE, GO HOME AND OPEN YOUR HAT STORE.

YOUR MISSION IS NOT COMPLETE.

THERE ARE LOT OF HATLESS HEADS OUT THERE WHO NEED YOU.

I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT WAY, FAY.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, NEXT WEEK OR SO--

UH, HOWARD, GO. NOW.

YOU'RE A NICE MAN. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SMACK YOU.

YES, MA'AM.

OH, UH, THANKS FOR THE PEP TALK, FAY.

WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T BE GETTING ON THAT PLANE.

HOWARD'S DEAD AND I KILLED HIM.

STOP SAYING THAT, FAY. WE DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE.

WE JUST HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM.

NEITHER HAS THE TOWER IN NEW BEDFORD.

IT'S A 40 MINUTE TRIP AND HE'S BEEN GONE 2 HOURS.

I SAY WE SEND OUT A SEARCH PARTY TO LOOK FOR A HAT

FLOATING ON TOP OF THE WATER.

THAT'S IT, ROY, DON'T BE AFRAID TO SHOW YOUR TENDER SIDE.

I'LL SHOW YOU MY TENDER SIDE.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT HOWARD.

THERE IS ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE.

YOU MEAN, LIKE HE LANDED AT ANOTHER AIRPORT

AND HE'S SITTING THERE ENJOYING A HOT CUP OF COFFEE RIGHT NOW?

NO. LIKE HE SLIPPED THROUGH A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE

AND HE'S LOST SOMEWHERE IN TIME.

[chuckling] A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE, LOWELL?

YEAH, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

COSMIC POTHOLES, I CALL 'EM.

HOWARD'S GONE.

SO'S LOWELL.

I CAN FEEL AN EMPTINESS IN MY HEART.

TRY ABOUT A FOOT HIGHER, FAY.

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL BOW OUR HEADS

AND TAKE A MOMENT TO REMEMBER HOWARD BANKS.

A MOMENT OF SILENCE, PLEASE.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

HOWARD! YOU'RE ALIVE!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

OH, JUST CIRCLING OFFSHORE FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

I'M SORRY, FAY. I--I JUST...

I COULDN'T GET RID OF THAT FEELING THAT I WAS GONNA DIE.

YOU MEAN, YOU DIDN'T GO HOME?

NO, BUT I CAME UP WITH A PLAN TO FOOL GOD.

I'M GONNA FLY BACK THE WAY I CAME,

RETRACING MY ROUTE,

SO THAT WHEN I LAND IN NEW BEDFORD,

TECHNICALLY, I WON'T HAVE FLOWN COMPLETELY AROUND THE WORLD.

LOWELL'S HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE THEORY

IS STARTING TO SOUND PRETTY GOOD.

2 YEARS FROM NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,

AFTER MY TRIP, YOU AND I HAVE A DINNER DATE.

OF COURSE, YOU'LL HAVE TO COME OVER TO NEW BEDFORD

BECAUSE IF I COME TO YOU,

THEN I'LL ALREADY HAVE FLOWN COMPLETELY AROUND THE WORLD IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION

AND SO, OF COURSE, I'D DIE.

2 YEARS FROM THIS SATURDAY NIGHT?

UH, GEE, HOWARD, I THINK I'M WASHING MY HAIR.

WELL, HOW ABOUT SUNDAY?

I'M DRYING IT.

HOW ABOUT THE NEXT WEEK?

HOWARD, I'LL CALL YOU.

OK, IT'S A DATE.

[sighs]

THAT MAN IS NUTTIER THAN A SQUIRREL'S CHEEKS IN OCTOBER.

ARE YOU OK? OH, YEAH, I'M FINE.

YOU'RE NOT CARRYING ANY CONCEALED CROCKERY, ARE YOU?

I'M SORRY YOUR AUDITION DIDN'T WORK OUT.

LISTEN, FORGET THAT. THAT'S ALL WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE NOW.

BITTER, FOUL, PUTREFIED WATER.

YOU REALLY HAD YOUR HOPES UP, DIDN'T YOU?

[sighs]

IT'S ALL I EVER DREAM ABOUT IS BEING A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN.

TO THINK I CAME SO CLOSE, JOE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HELPS ANY,

BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, I HAD MIXED EMOTIONS.

I MEAN, I WOULD'VE BEEN HAPPY IF YOU'D GOTTEN IT,

BUT I WOULD'VE MISSED YOU.

I HAD MIXED EMOTIONS, TOO.

I WOULD'VE BEEN HAPPY TO LEAVE THE ISLAND

BUT I WOULD'VE BEEN SAD

THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO DO IT.

I WOULD'VE MISSED YOU. YOU KNOW THAT.

CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?

JOE, I WAS WONDERING...

[sighs]

WELL, YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOLD ME THAT IF I WON THE AUDITION

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHETHER IT WAS MY DRESS OR MY TALENT?

YEAH.

WELL, THE PROBLEM IS--IS

I DIDN'T CONSIDER HOW I WOULD FEEL IF I LOST.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, I DIDN'T GET HIRED.

SO EITHER MY CELLO PLAYING IS LOUSY OR I'M NOT SEXY.

SO I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WOULD HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT.

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT ME IN MY DRESS AND TELL ME IF I'M SEXY?

WAIT, WAIT. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE SEXY OR NOT.

UH, I DON'T THINK ABOUT YOU IN THAT WAY.

UM, WE'RE BUDDIES.

BUDDIES DON'T TALK ABOUT PERSONAL STUFF LIKE THIS.

JOE, I'M NOT SUGGESTING I HAVE YOUR BABY.

JUST LOOK AT ME IN MY DRESS.

OH, CAN'T YOU ASK SOMEONE ELSE?

WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK? BRIAN?

GOOD POINT. BRIAN THINKS AIR IS SEXY.

LOOK, IF IT MAKES IT ANY EASIER,

I'LL TELL YOU WHETHER I THINK YOU'RE SEXY.

GO AHEAD, ASK ME.

HELEN... JOE, JUST ASK ME.

OK. AM I SEXY? NOT PARTICULARLY.

WHAT? IT WAS A JOKE, JOE.

I WAS JUST TRYIN' TO LOOSEN YOU UP.

SEE, IT WORKED BEAUTIFULLY.

OF COURSE YOU'RE SEXY.

NO, I'M NOT.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU ARE.

NAH. MMM-HMM.

REALLY? HOW?

I DON'T KNOW. UM...

I LIKE IT WHEN YOUR LITTLE EYES KIND OF LIFT UP AND LOOK...

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT ME.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

REMEMBER WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY SAW YOU NAKED WHEN YOU WERE 10?

WE DIDN'T SPEAK AGAIN UNTIL YOU WERE 12.

COME ON, JOE, JUST SUCK IT UP.

DO I LOOK SEXY OR AM I JUST A LOUSY CELLIST?

WELL?

[moans]

THANKS. I BETTER GO PRACTICE.

[door opening]

[door closing]

WELL, THAT'S ONE CHANGE YOU DON'T SEEM TO MIND.