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A Flirtatious Woman
(from Maupassant)
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My dear Françoise,
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You ask me if I'm happy
since my marriage,
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yes, very. Jacques
and I get along very well.
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But I'm very unhappy now,
I've just cheated on him.
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It wasn't on purpose, but I don't
know if I must confess it to him.
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I write to ask for your advice.
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I'm cruelly punished
for my thoughtlessness.
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Must I laugh or cry?
I don't know anymore.
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Don't think that I've taken
a lover, no, not at all.
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Well, yes, but what could I do?
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Here's exactly what happened:
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Like each Friday morning,
while leaving the office,
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Jacques went to his parents'
while I went home to cook lunch.
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Would there be sun, or rain?
How could I know?
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The sun was appearing and
disappearing behind the clouds,
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and I thought of
taking the streetcar
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when my attention was caught by
a woman I saw at her window.
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Almost in front of me,
on the other side of the road.
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She was nothing extraordinary
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but she intrigued me, because
a smile, very light, very quick
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regularly animated her features.
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And I wondered
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who's the target of this
uninterrupted line of smiles?
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Suddenly I understood,
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she smiled at every man
that passed under her window.
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Old ones, ugly ones, handsome ones,
tall ones, men of all kinds.
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As soon as she caught their eye,
she made a signal.
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But furtive smiles, so sweet,
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that they were erased
as soon as they started.
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Both full of prudishness
and infamy.
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So discreet and cunning, that they
looked innocent at first glance.
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And could mean equally,
what a beautiful day,
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or, come up quick sweetie.
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She would repeat this
tactful act tirelessly.
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Indeed, after a few minutes
I saw a man answer that call.
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He entered the building.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
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I wanted to be sure. And started
to wait in front of her door.
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It wasn't long.
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Only 15 minutes, and I saw the man
going out, our mermaid open her window
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and start the same game again.
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Then I went away
astounded, asking myself
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to what kind of act
was I the spectator.
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To the bottom of my soul, curiosity and
respect were mixed with my indignation.
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I was very concerned
about what I'd seen.
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And the more I thought, the less I could
stop myself admiring this woman.
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For her skill
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as well as her gracious way
of practicing this dreadful job.
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Then suddenly,
I had a crazy idea.
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So absurd that it
frightened me at first.
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The idea of doing the same thing.
To throw at the first man I saw,
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me too, a smile.
Just one.
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And to see what'd happen next.
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Believe what you want,
blame me for flirting.
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But I was suddenly anxious
to know if I would succeed.
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I couldn't get this
thought out of my head.
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It came back each time
more threatening.
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I absolutely had to do it.
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My heart was pounding.
I was ashamed, I confess.
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But I was already forgiving
myself for my recklessness.
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Think about the game,
as Jacques said.
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Women think that everything
they dare is innocent.
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I wasn't paying attention.
I was lost in my thoughts.
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They were lost in my soul like
clouds drifting apart by the wind
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on a greyish background
where the sun was heading.
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I realized that all those reflections
had brought me to the Rousseau park.
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I don't know how,
and not far from me, by chance,
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and you see that
the devil was with me,
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I saw a man reading a newspaper.
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He didn't look bad.
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It didn't matter, the most important thing
was to defeat my cowardice.
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Yes, I thought to myself,
the fate of a coquette is so cruel.
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The world sentences her to
a freedom that tests their virtue.
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Debauching oneself demands a courage
that our time excused too much
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in the name of
prudishness and inattention.
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Of love, but never of wisdom.
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Acting with flirtatiousness was, to accept
the danger of being taken by surprise.
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Confident that this adventure
wasn't that interesting
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and to hide from my
favorite husband,
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in myself, the fact of
making this rash gesture,
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the fear of knowing him,
my inexperience with men,
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the wish to test my honesty,
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everything contributed to adopt
this frivolous yet inexorable act.
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I wondered what kind
of smile should I have,
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feminine, Iphigenia?
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I sat next to him. I was hesitating.
I was shaking.
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And then, bravely, I did it.
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I smiled at him,
very quickly, very shyly.
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Well, it worked first time.
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My stranger came closer
while looking at me.
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Then I panicked.
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I told him that it was a mistake,
a bet with myself.
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And I ran away but he chased me.
He wouldn't hear anything.
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He looked like was having lots
of fun while I was terrorized.
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Panicked, I ran away to escape him.
But he followed me by car.
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My only chance was
to arrive home before him.
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Impossible, he came behind me
and wanted to kiss me.
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I burst into tears.
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I begged him to go away, my husband
is coming home any minute I said.
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But he got angry.
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Stop fooling around dear, he said,
here's 50 francs, undress.
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The only way to get rid of this
fool right away, was to give in.
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That's what I did,
what else could I do?
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Here I am cruelly punished
of my flirtatiousness.
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I write to you my dear Françoise
to convince you of my innocence.
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Answer me quickly.
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Your friend, Agnès.
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subs by gundenspand
9172
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