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I was born here, in Casablanca.

I was raised in a traditionalist Sephardic Jewish family.

As a child, I lived among Muslims,

Jews and Christians.

Our neighborhood had synagogues, mosques and churches.

We shared many things,

but we Jewish and Muslim children

had something in common:

our parents' strict prohibition,

the prohibition of entering churches.

We weren't allowed.

It was forbidden.

It was serious.

And we wondered

what mysteries, what secrets these churches held.

It's Oscar night tonight!

Sister Theresa, welcome to Paris.

There, that's perfect.

Help me!

Just a minute.

It's okay.

What's that?

Chocolate.

What for?

A sweet treat for bedtime, like in posh hotels.

Put that over there.

There, that's it.

Is this okay?

I think we're done here.

- Did the plane land at 4 pm? - At 4 pm, yes.

He'll be here any minute.

Okay, very soon then.

Go stand over there.

Are you sure it was 4 pm?

Just trust me. You'll see.

Hey, Gad.

How are you, Pops?

Welcome!

Give me your things.

What's this?

You came from the States with a plastic bag?

- Like your dad. - Must be a Moroccan thing...

to carry a plastic bag everywhere!

Welcome.

Go get the Champagne.

The place looks different.

Come sit down, darling.

Health, happiness and peace.

"Cheers!"

The American.

He's your son.

Pops, that's so...

Where are you going?

- What? - You only just got here!

- I haven't even seen you. - But, Mom...

Why are you going?

I booked a hotel room. You'll see me later.

When will I see you? For how long?

Don't do this to me.

Stop it! Don't do this to me, Mom!

Bye, Mom.

Stay with us, darling. Please.

- I have a spare room. - The kids' room?

What about it? What are you now, huh?

A grown-up?

It was a trap, huh?

No, it was in case.

Mom, I'll stay one night, then go to the hotel.

All right, darling.

Right, get some rest.

Here are your things.

Thanks, Mom.

STAY WITH US

Calm down, darling.

What's going on?

- Did I scare you? - You didn't.

You can watch what you like, darling.

- You're 50 now. - It isn't what you think!

Not that at all.

You scared me. It isn't at all-- it isn't--

- What? - I know what you...

I don't think anything. You think that I...

It's a thing I enjoy.

If it relaxes you... good for you!

- Watch what you like, darling. - Mom.

- It doesn't relax me. - So why watch it?

It's just...

If you knew what I was watching...

Good night, darling.

He booked a hotel room.

What's the problem?

Well, he didn't cancel it.

Stop that.

Who cares!

Your son's in there.

- But it costs a fortune. - So what? It isn't a problem.

Your son's here. It's the most important thing.

Yes, you're right.

So go to sleep.

Sleep.

Forget about it.

Okay, darling.

Good night.

How much do you think a room is?

- When did you arrive? - Yesterday.

- You just got here? - Yeah, I'm jetlagged.

What for?

So tell me, why did you come back?

What do you mean?

Why come back to France? You were in Vegas, Los Angeles...

Don't be mean!

- We want to know. - "We're interested."

He said, "Gad's coming home."

For good, for a visit?

I wanted to see my family and you guys.

- Was it a positive experience? - For sure.

- Did you get any movie work? - Nothing.

None at all?

Things have changed here. There's new talent.

First rate, too.

- Go on stage. - No, I'm not performing.

This is a comedy club! You've lost the eye of the tiger.

- Not at all. - You have, too!

Jews and Muslims may be great at all the festive stuff

but we really suck at funerals!

Catholics are pros at funerals.

They're slick, atmospheric.

At a Catholic funeral recently, I wanted to be the deceased.

The guy had an open-top casket,

incense, his picture, his favorite music.

The priest's mic worked. I was like, "Why don't we have that?"

The mourners were dignified.

No auntie wailed, "I want to join him!"

Mom? Are you okay?

Why are you up? Have you seen the time?

Jet lag.

- Jet lag? - What are you doing?

I'm painting.

- In the bathroom? - I paint when I have insomnia.

- Are you okay? - Yes, fine.

Do you have any health issues?

No, I'm fine. I'm just...

I'm tired.

All right.

- Will you show me? - Sure.

When it's done.

Go back to bed, darling.

Off you go, sweetie. Good night.

Royal Air Maroc AT 740.

Royal Air Maroc, salaam alaikum.

How are you, brother?

Is everyone okay?

Thanks to God...

May God bring you home safe.

David! David!

Yes?

Come here quick!

Why?

What's the matter?

- What's that? - I found it in Gad's bag.

Get your fingers off it! Put it down.

What is this?

God help us!

Don't go anywhere near it!

Unbelievable!

Don't touch it.

Don't touch it.

- What is it? - Don't you touch it either.

It isn't his bag.

- I don't recognize his things. - Me neither.

I don't believe it!

No way.

- This isn't his. - No. It isn't his style.

Where are you?

I think I'm here.

Okay, see the door at the end?

- I can't see it. - And I can't see you.

It's been two years, I can wait five minutes.

- Can you see me? - I still can't.

No?

Did you go through the white gate?

- The white gate, yes. - I can see you now.

I'm on my way.

There you are!

We can ditch our phones now.

- Hi! - How are you?

It's great to see you.

It's awesome.

- You'll be baptized in five weeks. - Don't!

It's too real.

That's the plan but...

hearing you say it makes me-- it's scary.

I can't believe it.

I had Father Barthélemy on the phone.

- This is the concrete phase now. - It's tomorrow.

- The first scrutiny. - Yes.

Yes.

- Have you told your parents? - No.

I'm doing it for me, to be closer to Mary.

I'm not doing it for my parents.

- And for Jesus? - A bit.

Stop it! You know my position on that.

I've got a problem with it.

I'm not sure what it is. I don't want to offend you but...

it just doesn't feel right.

As you've told me.

There's something about Jesus that...

"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life."

- It's too much! - So you've said.

He was Jewish. I know that.

He was super Jewish, a Sephardic Jew.

Only a Sephardic Jew would say, "I'm the Way, the Truth, and the Life."

You're weird. You take something out of context

and it becomes gospel, the Gospel according to St. Gad!

No!

At the supper, the Last Supper,

I can see him saying, "Check, please! It's on me."

Sorry.

You all right?

Fine.

What about you?

Yeah, fine.

Did you speak to him?

No, he was busy.

Did you know the Virgin Mary was Jewish?

Don't you start.

God preserve us.

Night.

If she's Jewish, she's Jewish.

End of story.

Come on, tell me why you came back.

It's difficult.

I can't talk about it.

Wait.

- You're not sick, are you? - No, I'm not.

Very soon, I...

I'm going to get baptized.

- You're not serious. - I'm not kidding.

You raved about Mary as a kid.

You were fascinated by churches. But you can't convert to Catholicism!

Buddhism maybe, I could understand that.

Or an existential crisis. You're 50, after all.

Or even Islam.

Oh yeah?

We lived in Morocco, we speak Arabic,

we grew up with Muslims.

It'd be weird, but...

it'd make more sense. But Catholic?

Is there a hierarchy of religions?

It's okay to convert to some religions but not others?

How about your folks? Do they know?

No. Don't say a word, okay?

We were in the car. You had an errand to run.

You parked outside that church near our house.

It was on our way to school.

You'd always say, "Children, never go in there."

- Do you remember? - Yes.

We went in. It was pretty dark.

We approached the altar.

We looked up and saw a huge statue of the Virgin Mary.

It was overwhelming. I turned to Gad.

He was like this... I shook him. "Are you okay?"

I saw a tear roll down his cheek.

I grabbed him and said, "Let's go!"

We ran to the car.

He was still in shock.

We jumped in and waited for you.

You didn't notice a thing. He was absolutely petrified.

- So it's Dad's fault? - Not at all!

It's not what I meant.

It's the root of the situation.

If I had been gone 45 minutes,

would he have become a pope?

Come on!

Excuse me.

- Are you okay? - Fine, thanks.

Is the water too cold?

No. I'm practicing something

that's happening soon. I'm preparing for it.

Do you need a hand?

One, two, three.

No! You have to pick me up,

not leave me under.

You have to lift me back up.

What is it, a freediving contest?

No, not at all.

Not at all.

If you'd warned us, we could've done something!

Warned you about what, Dad?

That we were in a church 30 years ago?

Why didn't you tell us?

I had nothing to say! It's none of my concern.

You're so selfish!

I'm selfish now? That's the best yet!

It's my fault, is it?

I didn't say that.

You just said it was!

The problem is, you didn't tell us.

All we ever talk about in this family is Gad. Nothing else!

"Did you see his show?" "He was on TV."

"See how tired he is?" Enough already!

It was the States, now it's the Virgin Mary!

What's next?

You've kept quiet for 20 years!

Sort it out with your son, okay?

Call him.

Go see a shrink or whoever, because you're scared to speak to him.

And give me a break!

I'm off. Leave me alone!

- What a mess. - You, too, are to blame.

It's my fault now.

Surely he told you.

He never ever said a word.

You should have taken care of him.

She says I only took care of him!

Just look at the result. 20 years later...

We're going to have a Catholic son. Fantastic!

Right.

Meeting in person isn't the same, huh?

After all that time preparing remotely on Zoom.

Remotely is different.

- You came early. - I'm under pressure.

- Why? - Why do you think?

- You're not getting baptized today. - I'm nervous.

I'm about to introduce you to Victoire, Anna and Mehdi.

They're also preparing for baptism.

You'll complete the catechumenate together.

Catechumenate?

I can't do it.

- Why not? - It's the word.

- Is it hard to pronounce? - It isn't that! I'm a catechumen?

That's right.

Praise the name of the Lord

Praise, O servants of the Lord

Praise Him, for He is good

Celebrate the sweetness of His name

Let us sing for joy to the Lord

Let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation

Let us come before Him

Let us sing for Him

Let us play music for our King

Praise the name of the Lord

Praise, O servants of the Lord

Praise Him, for He is good

Celebrate the sweetness of His name

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

May the grace of Jesus Christ, the love of God

and the fellowship of the Spirit always be with you.

And with your Spirit.

Brothers and sisters,

today is an important day for our Christian community.

Four of our catechumen, Gad, Mehdi, Anna and Victoire,

are about to take a step on their path to baptism.

This is their first scrutiny. It's nothing to do with surveillance.

Scrutiny comes from Latin and it means "careful examination."

For many months now,

our catechumen have carefully examined the Scriptures

and learned to read the Bible.

With this first scrutiny, they want to say their discernment has begun.

In a few weeks maybe,

we will be gathered around them

for the celebration of their baptism,

this immersion in grace and in the love of God.

- So your parents don't know? - No.

- They have no idea? - No. No one knows.

I studied the Quran. My family is very religious.

If they find out, they'll be really upset,

like everyone around me.

I'm keeping it quiet. I tried Protestantism first.

I've led a secret life for a while.

What do you mean by "tried"?

- You became a Protestant? - I converted.

Then one day, in an abbey, during a retreat,

I felt the presence of Jesus though the Eucharist.

And I decided, or rather I asked to convert to Catholicism.

It's Gad Elmaleh.

Gad?

Gad Elmaleh?

Come on.

Hello.

Awesome.

- It's great to see you. - How are things?

- All right? - What are you up to?

Dad and I are going to the synagogue.

I went to see my father.

I mean, the father, my...

- Your parents live here? - Nearby.

- Right. - Have a good day, guys.

Have you put on the tefillin today?

No. But not now because I...

- I'll put it on later. - It only takes a minute, as you know.

We're on the street.

So what? They do that in New York. We'll pretend we're there.

- Just a sec. I'll give you a kippah. - Okay, then.

- My taxi's coming. - I'll be quick.

You should do this every day, it will bring you luck.

Excellent.

Don't talk until we're done.

Thanks.

Hear, O Israel.

He hasn't forgotten!

You all right?

Yes, fine.

Who's that?

What?

I know you're in a hurry, but can I ask you something?

Sure.

Do you think with your heart or your head?

I think with my heart.

What's he doing here?

They're everywhere!

Amen.

- Good night, sweetie. - Where's my kiss?

- Good night, Gad. - Good night, sweetie.

Thanks, cousin. Thanks for having us.

- It's great you haven't forgotten. - Of course not!

Shabbat shalom.

Tasty.

- There was this old guy... - Here comes a joke!

The old guy says to his doc, "I'm embarrassed."

The doc says, "Don't be. What's wrong?"

"I don't know how to put this,

but right after sex,

I hear hissing sounds."

The doctor looks at him and says,

"Are you expecting applause at your age?"

An Ashkenazi Jews wants to get his dog circumcised--

Not that one!

Find a new joke!

Careful, it's spicy.

It's good for us. Eat.

It's delicious.

Of course, I'll be tactful! Who do you take me for?

We're visiting poor Mrs. Berdugo tomorrow.

- Who? - Mrs. Berdugo.

- Haven't you heard? - No.

Her son married a Catholic girl.

When his dad heard, he had a stroke and died.

And she's on life support.

At St. Antoine Hospital or some place.

Valérie, if anything happens to me,

forget St. Antoine and St. Louis.

Take me to Lariboisière

or the American Hospital.

Thank God, you're a good son, Gad.

You're not about to--

Enough!

Enough.

Enough playacting!

Enough pretending!

Dad and I know everything.

William told us.

We saw the Virgin Mary in your room.

- You searched my room? - I was cleaning.

You searched it!

- We stumbled upon it. - Stumbled, huh?

That's not the issue.

You searched your son's room.

- My son? - That's right!

My son has rejected his roots.

- Crap! I haven't rejected my roots. - You have, too!

New god, new parents!

Get yourself adopted.

Gad, that's enough. This can't go on.

What happened in the States?

- Did Trump influence you? - Come on!

What are you talking about, Dad?

Return to your religion, the one we gave you.

You can't just...

turn our life upside down because of a passing phase.

It's my story. It's part of our story.

But your story is us.

You're my son, you're our son.

And we don't want to lose you. Do you understand?

- I didn't look for it. - You sought it out.

No.

It just happened, she came to me.

- She took you by the hand? - Yes.

Think of the problems you're causing us.

You could think of me!

I am thinking of you, only of you.

- Is that so? - Yes. Of your own good.

You don't see it as a path.

- For you, I've strayed. - A path?

In the Jewish faith,

you haven't taken every path.

You've barely begun.

You're Sephardic. Do you know what it means?

- Sephardic? - "Sephard" means Spain.

- In Hebrew? - Of course.

We used to live in Spain.

A nasty piece of work, Isabella, expelled us in 1492.

She wasn't Isabella the Muslim or Isabella the Buddhist,

she was Isabella the Catholic!

She married some guy, some Spanish king, a shit.

"I'll only marry you if Spain is free of Jews.

So get rid of them all." It's known as the Alhambra Decree.

End of story! She kicked us out.

She expelled you to Morocco, and you come back!

Do what you want. I can't stop you.

Your Christians are a charming lot!

Pope John Paul II asked the Jews for forgiveness.

It's the least he could do after millennia of persecution!

It doesn't right their wrongs. "Sorry!

I killed you, I massacred you. Sorry, excuse me."

And you forgive them!

What do you see in it?

It makes my head spin:

what is it, the stained glass?

Our rabbis have beards.

And the synagogue...

is one big mess. Their place is tidier.

It's more beautiful.

But our beauty is within, not in steeples and stuff.

Not here!

What's up?

- Why did you tell my parents? - Calm down.

I don't want trouble.

- Why tell my folks? - You don't get it.

- What? - I can't let a buddy of 30 years

fuck up his life like this.

- There's no way! - If you're a friend...

Come and talk in here. Come on!

- What about our traditions? - What traditions?

You don't even understand your prayers.

You can't speak Hebrew. I've seen you at the synagogue.

You don't try to understand. I want to understand,

and I want to go all the way.

Go all the way?

You can't change your name!

I've thought about it. I need a baptismal name.

You're sick.

What is it?

Come on, tell me. You might as well.

- Jean-Marie. - Jean-Marie?

Have you lost your mind!?

In tribute to Jean-Marie Lustiger.

Jean-Marie Lustiger.

People won't think of him.

They'll think of Jean-Marie Le Pen,

Jean-Marie Bigard.

Picture this:

"Jean-Marie Elmaleh at the Olympia, produced by Catho TV."

You're sick in the head.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee;

blessed art thou amongst women

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now...

and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Sorry, I know it puts people on edge.

No one wants to discuss religion in France.

Or anywhere else in the world.

"Oh no, what's he going to say?

Don't mention religion.

It's a secular country.

You're crazy to mention religion.

If those secular guys hear...

you're dead! They have extremists too."

Any Christians here?

See? It's a no-no. If you ask a guy if he's Jewish...

"Yeah, and I read the Torah. What about it?"

"Are you Muslim?"

Hamdullah , Muslim.

"Are you Catholic?"

"Actually, it isn't that simple.

The thing is, er...

It's complicated. My sister was baptized,

Mom's an atheist,

Dad's AWOL..."

What is it with you Catholics? What's your problem?

What's the Catholics' problem?

Especially in France.

What happened to your son?

Something awful,

really awful for us.

- Tell me. - It's hard to say.

Relax.

Calmly tell me.

He's in love with the Virgin Mary.

Is that a problem?

For us, it's a disaster.

A disaster? But the Virgin Mary is beautiful!

She's Jewish, she's beautiful,

she's rich. More importantly,

she does not exist.

Yes, but my son exists, and I can see him.

Your son is seeking the divine presence.

In the Torah, she's called Myriam.

Myriam took a pseudonym.

She called herself Mary.

For him, it's a pretext.

You must understand that.

At least, he didn't look...

to Krishna,

to Buddha,

to Vishnu.

He remained within the family, so to speak.

Tell me,

when your son was young,

- did he celebrate his bar mitzvah? - Of course.

- In a synagogue? - Of course.

- The synagogue was ugly. - Yes.

There you have it. The synagogue was ugly!

He's sensitive, he's an artist. He appreciates beauty.

So he enjoys going into churches.

Don't look any deeper.

You think it's idolatry, he's become an idolater.

That's what I thought from the start.

It isn't idolatry.

Some Jews become Muslim,

imams even,

some Jews become priests,

some Jews become archbishops,

some Jews become cardinals.

There are even Jews who become Christ.

- Yes, you're right. - David.

Everything will be fine.

But tell him I'd like to see him.

All right. Count on me.

L'chaim!

That's better!

Did the Virgin Mary visit you in New York?

- Don't be stupid! - I'm not, I'm just asking.

I want to know about your new life.

She's the ideal woman for you.

You live together but she isn't on your back.

She isn't there...

"When will you be home?"

"Have you seen my keys?" "Come to bed, honey."

- That's mean! - And there's more!

That woman doesn't change.

She doesn't age or put on weight, she's always smiling.

- That's what appeals to you. - No.

- I'll tell you her real story. - You don't know it.

Of course I know Mary's real story!

Go on, then.

Mary cheated on her guy while he was away.

It's no big deal.

It happens to the best.

She was alone at home. She had a visit,

or rather, a visitation.

It's more appropriate!

Then they went to bed-- "sleepition."

During sleepition, conception occurred.

- Stop it. - Conception.

And the next day, poor old Joe...

- Poor old Joe. - He was doing his carpentry.

He came back from a business trip--

he'd been visiting clients in Bethlehem or some place.

- And what happened? - What happened?

- You know! - The Annunciation.

There you go, it all fits!

- That's a sin. - It isn't!

You wouldn't make fun of anything from the Torah.

- True. - See?

Seriously, it's crazy.

It doesn't bother me that you like the Virgin Mary.

Go light candles, hail Mary every morning,

but stay with us.

- I haven't left! - You're disowning yourself.

Rejecting what you are.

- You are, too! That's my feeling. - Not at all.

I'm at a time in life when I'm questioning myself.

Find some answers, then. This can't go on.

Can't you just have a midlife crisis?

Wear a tight t-shirt with a skull on it,

get yourself a shark tattoo,

run the Paris Marathon,

buy a sports car,

screw a really tall girl,

and give us all a break! We could handle that.

Walk around a bit.

Does your foot move in the shoe?

Does my foot move?

When I walk, it moves.

I'll get the next size up, to see if it's better.

Thank you.

I really don't know.

The crazy thing is,

I make major life decisions in a snap

but I can't make small decisions.

Sometimes in restaurants,

I'll read the menu

and take 40 minutes to pick a salad!

Yet, while I was shaving, I decided to move to another country.

That's why I'm so worried now.

For the first time, I'm struggling to make a huge decision,

like being baptized. It's a bad sign. See?

But this is about an encounter.

Your baptism isn't just a decision,

it's an encounter.

I've seen how affected you are by Mary.

I mean, we're talking about her in a shoe store!

Sometimes I even wonder

whether Protestantism wouldn't have been easier

for my parents. It's closer to Judaism.

We're not talking about a travel destination, buddy!

- You're all over the place. - It's expected, isn't it?

Deciding on a pair of shoes is a problem for you.

Dig deeper and ask yourself the real questions.

It's your decision alone.

Hi, Mom, it's me.

Just to let you know

I'm going away for a few days,

to take some time off...

at my friends' house.

Everything's fine.

All is well. Love you.

This place is huge!

- Shout if you need anything. - All right.

I'll be fine.

I imagine room service is 24/7.

I forgot to mention: meals are taken in silence.

You're not allowed to speak.

As for Mass times, vigils are at 2:30,

lauds at 5:30...

- In the morning? - Right.

Sext at 11, nones at 3 pm.

and vespers at 10 pm, on Sundays.

On Mondays, vespers are at 10:15 pm,

but lauds are at 6 am.

If a prayer starts 30 minutes late, it doesn't mean the next one does.

For instance, Thursday vigils start at 2:30

and lauds at 3:30.

But on Sundays, they start at 5:30.

- Is that clear? - Well...

I guess you'll let me know.

You'll ring my bell!

This is a difficult time for me.

It's a time when I really need

to be alone with myself and pray.

That's why I'll be delighted to attend Mass.

The next one isn't at 10 pm.

It's at 9:45 pm.

Be on time. It only lasts 15 minutes,

so if you turn up at 10 pm, it'll already be over.

- Had you heard of me? - No.

Sister Catherine told me

you worked in a circus.

- Not a circus! - I understood you were a clown.

HURT MY PARENTS

BETRAY THE COMMUNITY

NEVER WORK WITH SPIELBERG AGAIN

BE NAMED JEAN-MARIE

ETERNAL SALVATION OF THE SOUL

When you convert to Christianity,

you get baptized, you officially join the community.

But conversion is first and foremost a spiritual act.

When an individual converts to a spirituality, a religion,

it is a conversion of the heart, an inner conversion.

It does not necessarily require an outer conversion,

an official change of religion.

Even in the 20th century, many historical figures,

such as philosophers Simone Veil and Henri Bergson,

were Christian converts of the heart

despite being Jewish.

But they were not baptized,

because they were attached to their community.

Yet their hearts were Christian.

One should not confuse a religion's spiritual aspect

with its community and identity.

Praise the name of the Lord

Praise, O servants of the Lord,

Praise Him, for He is good

Celebrate the sweetness of His name

Let us sing for joy to the Lord

Let us shout aloud to the Rock...

Gad, where are you?

Are you still at the monastery? Mass is starting.

We can't have a scrutiny without the catechumen.

We're waiting for you.

Call me back.

Hello.

This is for you,

so you can continue to give joy to people.

It will soothe and calm you.

Excuse me, miss! I don't mean to bother you,

I just want to thank you for what happened back there.

I was touched. The candle, the prayer...

I pray a lot for people.

As we're strangers, it touched me.

It's a commandment:

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Have a good day.

Thank you. I want...

I want to pray for you but I don't know how.

It's very simple.

Just ask the Lord what you want for the person.

But do it with your own words.

Just be yourself, it will come naturally.

This is me.

- No way! - Yes.

- You live here? - Temporarily.

I'm over there.

- No way! - Sure.

You live there?

No, I'm visiting someone.

Would you like to come with me?

He'd be so pleased to meet you.

Hello, Raymond! It's me.

I have a surprise guest.

Shut the door.

How are you?

You two get acquainted while I fix lunch, okay?

How are you?

- May I? - Of course.

- Have you lived here long? - I don't remember.

- Is that so? - Yes.

I forget how long it's been. My father used to live here.

There you go.

And where do you live?

All over. I travel a lot.

I see.

I'm on a path.

That's nice.

It's good to be on a path.

What path is it?

- The path of faith. - Is that so?

So...

- it's hard work. - Not at all.

It's a personal path, it's what I've received.

Good for you. Good for you.

I live under the protection of Mary.

That's good. I like the Virgin Mary.

Oh yes.

- And her mother, too. Anna. - Is that so?

Jesus' grandmother.

Maria, Mary, is family.

They're quite a brood.

For sure.

I imagine you were baptized.

Of course, it was the tradition.

Communion and all that stuff.

But...

the priests I encountered had a strange way of talking.

One has to be touched. Either you have faith or you don't.

- Do you? - I don't.

No, I don't have faith.

Faith, no.

I'm lucky you're here.

- It's great to be here. - I wasn't talking to you.

I was talking to Agnès.

Bless us, O Lord.

Bless this meal.

Give bread and joy to those who have none.

Praise to You, my Lord, for enabling us to welcome Gad.

Amen.

Lord, thank You for this time--

That will be enough.

I thought a lot about it.

Yes?

And, er...

I'm not going to get baptized.

Listen, darling, do whatever you want.

It's your...

It's for you to decide.

Listen, son, do as you wish.

But it's better this way.

- It's wonderful. - Tell me.

Will they give you a refund?

No?

You shouldn't lie to them.

Why don't you tell them?

It's too difficult. It hurts them.

The very idea is unthinkable.

In the States, I could follow my path.

But now, I'd rather tell them it's off and get baptized in secret.

It's easier.

Never ask directions

from someone who knows the way.

Or you will never

be able to get lost.

I know it!

- And? - You're fortunate to be lost.

Think about it.

Yes, but what I mean is--

my father doesn't understand. I don't even want him to. It's my life.

But I think that-- it's not easy to tell you this.

I think that I'm under the Virgin Mary's protection.

It's as if she said, "Don't worry, son,

Nothing will happen to you." She's always been there.

- She won't abandon me. - She needs you.

She needs you.

And that's very important.

But the fact is, more generally,

all Catholics need the Jews.

Take Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustiger.

- Maybe he's a model for you. - Yes, absolutely.

Lustiger gave his first speech at Notre-Dame, in Yiddish.

No matter if people understood or not.

He did it for those who understood,

for those whose souls understood Yiddish.

To make a long story short,

on his deathbed, he asked to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

A cardinal!

He asked for Kaddish to be recited. Emulate him.

Cease your wandering. Understand that you and he,

without realizing,

have helped Catholics understand that even a Jewish pope

would not be Catholic but Jewish.

What will you choose?

Doesn't it mean something that you didn't attend the final scrutiny?

- No. - You don't think so?

No, I don't. I'm in complete turmoil,

all over the place. It's too much for me.

I met this incredible young woman.

I'll stop you right there. Never convert for someone else.

It's not what you think.

She's someone I talk to,

who has helped me see the meaning of it all

and feel profound joy.

She has shown me it can be life-changing.

Gad, I don't want to push you,

I don't want to try to convince you

or say it's a mistake not to get baptized.

I respect your freedom.

An Ashkenazi wants to get his dog circumcised--

Leave him alone.

Find some new jokes.

Look, if you're anti-Semitic now, I won't tell any more jokes!

Tell us a new joke.

Happy birthday! It's great to be here.

I'll introduce you to my cousins.

- This is Julia. - Nice to meet you.

- Agnès. - This is Mikki.

My sister, Judith.

I've told you about Agnès. And this is Mom.

- Meet Agnès. - Nice to meet you.

- It's wonderful to meet you. - Likewise.

She's the friend I told you about. She's a law student,

a remarkable person. I adore her.

Where did you meet?

Surely not at school. Because Gad and school...

We met at church--

No, er, yes. But the first time.

We first met in a candle store.

Candle store?

Sorry?

Welcome!

Thanks.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Gad

Happy birthday to you.

Thanks.

He's good, he is!

- Your gift! - What is it?

The Tablets of the Law!

Wow!

It's wonderful.

Well done, Régine.

Beautiful.

It's beautiful.

My mom painted a Van Gogh!

She painted a Van Gogh.

I didn't dare give this to you earlier.

It's Confessions, by Saint Augustine .

It's beautiful.

And this is Lourdes water, to bring you luck.

Really?

Your parents are big-hearted.

Tell them about your baptism.

There's no need to lie. They obviously love you.

I'm sure they'll understand.

You'll be thrilled to have them with you for that special moment.

It's so important.

- Trust me. - Thank you.

See you soon.

What game are you playing?

You want to kill your father?

Trying to fool us!

You said you'd canceled it. He's worried sick.

We thought the baptism was history.

You're telling stories.

- You lied to us! - Hang on.

Has something changed?

Yes or no?

We're losing you, Gad.

That's how I feel.

Mom, you're not losing me. I'm on a path.

- A path? - Yes, and I need to see it through.

It's nothing to do with my upbringing. It's in my heart.

Don't worry.

I'm under her protection. She's guiding me.

- What? - She's watching over me.

She's by my side. Since childhood...

Stay protected!

Do what you want!

Send Mr. Elmaleh's luggage up.

Thank you.

Welcome to the Quatara suite.

Enjoy your stay.

The whole world is a narrow bridge

A very narrow bridge

A very narrow bridge

And the most important thing

And the most important thing

Is not to fear

Is not to fear...

Listen to me. I won't beat about the bush.

Just leave my son alone.

He already has a mother: me!

You're going to say you're protecting him

and tell me about the church in Casablanca.

I know all that. It's over.

It's all over.

I'm losing my son.

I don't have to tell you what it means to lose a son.

At least yours came back.

He died in agony but he returned.

If my son goes,

he'll never come back.

Do you know what's good?

What I'm doing now on stage:

talking to the audience. That's important to me.

There's also spirituality.

What's that?

"What's that?"

"Can you get that on Amazon?"

We made fun of you,

but spirituality is hard to define.

In a way, spirituality is maybe...

Your relation to the universe.

Yes, to the universe, or with God as you understand Him.

Or to the irrational.

And... damn!

How can I explain it?

Hey!

- You forgot the antiseptic. - You're right. Stupid me.

- Funny, isn't it? - What?

Antiseptic for a skeptic!

I forgot you were a comedian.

To think I knew Thierry Le Luron. I've sunk so low!

Have you closed the blinds and the windows?

Why do you always want me to close everything?

I don't want that guy and his henchmen to film me.

- Who? - Macron! He's mixed up in it.

Macron doesn't care!

He has better things to do than film you, Raymond.

He's an illuminati.

- He isn't. - He is, too!

- Why? - Remember his first speech?

- In March-- May 2017? - Yes.

- When he triumphed. - When he won the--

- Where was it? - Where was it?

At the Louvre, by the pyramid.

- So? - Triangular, obviously!

- So isn't he an illuminati? - No!

They rule the world, son,

- through finance. - They don't.

Of course, they do. You're just a baby!

It's more likely

the popes and the illuminati are part of a global conspiracy

than a woman getting impregnated by a spirit and remaining a virgin

after giving birth to God's son.

- Hello. - Hello, sir.

Can I help you, sir?

- What's the occasion? - A baptism.

A baptism? It's this way.

It's iconography.

They're quality reproductions of stained glass.

Do you have something similar but subtler?

Subtler?

- Of course. I'll get them. - Thank you.

Beloved parents,

I don't know how to explain my decision,

but I want to be truthful. I don't want to lie to you.

Not a second time.

My baptism will take place this Sunday at St. Cecile's in Boulogne,

and I'd like for you to be there.

I want you to accompany me. I can't do it without you.

Everything's ready.

Father Barthélemy agreed to a kosher buffet.

I love you so much. Gad.

Hello.

The rabbi's office, please.

Down there and to your right.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

If I go all the way and one day...

I regret it and want to come back, what's the procedure?

Is there a number?

Customer service?

You can't come back.

Because you can't leave.

You can look for the way out of the House of Judaism,

but nobody has ever found it.

The House of Judaism is hard to define.

For millennia, the Jews have lived in a broken, wobbly house.

The Temple was destroyed 2,000 years ago.

Moses broke the Tablets ages ago.

When they marry, they break a glass.

When a baby is born, something is removed from him.

The House of Judaism is wobbly.

But you already know all that.

You know it because...

you know you're broken.

When I see you, when I listen to you,

when I watch your shows and your sketches,

you're always putting yourself in the shoes of someone

who seems very much at home:

a Canadian, an American, a blond guy,

a guy whose trunk is neat and tidy,

whose kids are polite.

And you can put yourself in those guys' shoes

because they aren't you.

Because you're a bit more broken:

your trunk isn't neat and tidy,

everything is a bit wobbly.

Because it's wobbly, you can look at it from the outside.

You're not really in it.

And maybe...

you're only truly yourself when on a path to elsewhere.

The question is, are you supposed to get somewhere?

Does your journey end...

outside a church?

Are they coming?

Hello and welcome.

How are you, Anna? It's good to see you again.

Your dad, I presume?

Today's the big day.

Are they on their way?

I don't know.

Remember this passage from the Gospel?

"Everyone who has left brothers, sisters, father or mother for my sake

will receive 100 times as much and inherit eternal life."

Not bad, huh?

- How are you? - Are you ready?

Yes. Thanks for being here.

How are you, Mathieu? Go in. It's about to start.

Hello.

We can't wait any longer.

How are you?

- You came. - Yes.

Here, darling.

What is it?

I was inspired, so I made it for you.

Gad, we have to go. It's about to start.

Okay. Go in and sit down.

Where can I put this?

To the left, in the oratory.

- Where? - To the left.

In there.

Hello, sir. Aren't you coming in?

Hello. No, thank you. Thank you very much.

- Shall I leave the door open? - Yes.

Just a little.

Thank you very much.

We've reached the culmination of this celebration.

In a few moments, I shall baptize our catechumen.

It is no trivial or ordinary act. It's extremely ancient.

Just before Christ departed, he commanded his disciples

to baptize all peoples in the name of the Father,

the Son and the Holy Spirit.

It's been thus for 2,000 years.

Through this baptism,

Gad, Mehdi, Anna, Victoire,

you shall receive the love of God

and become God's children.

The Lord shall say to you,

"You are my son, you are my daughter, my beloved;

with you I am well pleased."

So let us pray for our catechumen.

May this moment be a new dawn in their spiritual lives

and may they feel deep within their souls

God's love around them.

Amen.

- I call Mehdi. - I am here.

- Anna. - I am here.

- And Victoire. - I am here.

Mehdi, you may approach with your godfather.

For your baptism.

Mehdi, I baptize you in the name of the Father

and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

I know what you're thinking:

I didn't see it through.

You have watched over me ever since I was a child.

I find it impossible to describe our first encounter.

Thank you for watching over me.

I love you so much.

So very much.

I am not staying with you.

But you are staying with me.

I have asked you to pray for me my entire life.

Today, please,

allow me to pray for you.

I checked, and you were right.

There are no illuminati, there's no mass sterilization campaign

led by Satanists, or even a papal conspiracy.

Even if what I believed was untrue, I knew what to think.

It worried me and at the same time,

it was reassuring.

I thought I understood the world. But now...

I understand I don't understand anything.

I'm telling you that, but you're still with your resurrectee.

Raymond,

I don't know if Jesus was resurrected, I don't know if Moses...

parted the Red Sea.

- Aren't you a believer? - I am.

But what I mean is, to have faith is to doubt.

There may be a God, but it's impossible to prove.

However, we can ask ourselves

if living with the idea of God adds something to our lives,

and if living with the idea of God brings us joy or not.

Those Catholics are smart. They fooled you all right!

Will you come back?

Of course, Mom. Why are you asking?

Because it seems different this time.

No. Not at all.

Mom, we're always leaving each other.

But we always find each other again.

Of course, darling.

May God protect you.

Good bye.

Ciao, son.

Safe travels, darling.

"Thus it happened that, in the course of my life,

I thought that I became a Jew

because, by embracing Christianity,

I finally discovered the values of Judaism,

not denying them in the least."

Jean-Marie Lustiger Cardinal-Archbishop of Paris

TO GUY MOIGN