Original subtitles

- The actor who played Brazzos

has his own podcast now. JIMMY FALLON: What?

- My name is in Fallon's mouth! Wow!

You've got more coming, right?

MABEL: Someone left that for me at the front desk.

It's Tim Kono's phone.

- What? - Whoa!

- Tim thought he was gonna get murdered?

- He'd been trying to take down this black market jewelry dealer named Angel.

CHARLES: Say hello to Angel.

- Teddy Dimas?

- I'm writing you a check, and it's gonna be large.

CHARLES: That's right. Our prime sponsor is now our prime suspect.

MABEL: Hey, where'd you get that?

- Found it. MABEL: Why was Tim after the ring

that Zoe had the night she died? OSCAR: No, she didn't have it.

Not when she died.

[muffled banging]

♪

♪ dramatic strings playing ♪

MAN: What does it mean to be a fan of something?

[street noise]

For me, it means undying absolute loyalty.

Being a fan is like being married.

You don't quit, no matter how bad it gets.

That's how I feel about the Only Murders podcast.

- Can't believe it's been another week without a new episode.

- The fuck are they doing up there? They just went silent.

- Watch the language around Grant. - What do I fuckin' care?

- Guys, what if we see Bunny? [laughs]

Or Howard the cat guy?

Or Charles,

Oliver, Mabel? I don't know what I'd do.

I don't wanna leave this spot until they reveal

who killed Tim Kono!

- Calm down, Sam. Pass the holes.

SAM: We call ourselves the Arconiacs.

We met on a message board: The Itty-Bitty Omit-Bitty Committee,

which I founded. Ever since Fallon,

OMITB has been having a moment,

but we are the day-oners.

Some fans are Mabelines.

Some are Haden-Maidens. A few, like me,

are Putnuts. [laughs] Oliver's my favorite.

- I've been a member of six different true crime podcast fan communities...

but I have never had less faith in a creative team than I do right now.

- And what about that Sting cameo?

Like Sting's gonna be the murderer. [sighs]

- A whole episode with no stakes.

- Okay, guys, why are you being so negative?

Do you even like this podcast?

- Love it! - It's a revelation.

- Well then, trust the team, okay?

You want stakes? You're gonna get stakes.

They're probably right around the corner.

♪ lively theme song playing ♪

♪ vocalizing ♪

[van rumbling, tires squealing] [car honking]

[panting, gasping]

- What is that smell?

- Jeez, I don't know. It-it...

Smells like formaldehyde. You know, they use that to preserve corpses.

- Corpses?

- [panting] Do you know

that I was the first director to use a real cadaver on stage?

In Tuesdays At Bernie's. It was my dual adaptation

of Tuesdays With Morrie and Weekend At Bernie's.

- What?

[brakes squeal] [Mabel grunting]

[door slams]

- Theo, Theo, Theo.

Listen to me. I-- Oh, I'm sorry.

I know that was insensitive. It's a touchy subject.

I-- Ow!

- Now, now, Theo.

These are friends.

[sighs] Apologies for my son.

[Oliver gags]

He hates the theater, but he's very dramatic.

- T-Teddy, this is all just

a m-mis... [gulls cawing]

Why are we at a dump?

- Are you gonna leave these dead bodies here?

[laughs]

- I like you. You ask interesting questions.

Let me give you a lift home.

♪

I like this seat.

Theo can't read my lips or see me in the rear-view,

which is nice.

Because it's not good for a son to hear,

or see, his father say certain things.

For a long time, I felt ashamed to have a deaf son.

[sighs] It ended my marriage, actually.

That and, you know, all the whores.

But then I grew to appreciate

Theo's perspective.

I learned ASL,

which many parents of deaf children do not do.

Did you know that?

- Is that right? - Yeah, I've heard that.

- I didn't know that.

- Through Theo, I realized the beauty of silence.

It makes for beautiful friendships and partnerships

when those who may know certain things about you

can act as if they never heard those things.

- We hear you loud and clear, Teddy.

Or we don't. I don-- I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about.

- I'm talking about what you've heard and seen about me.

My side jewelry interests.

Which I admit is fascinating in a...

ghoulish and psychologically compelling way.

A good subject for a podcast, just not yours.

Because your podcast needs to end.

You can end it with dignity.

Or you can end it posthumously.

- We know what you did to Tim Kono.

- We don't know shit about Tim Kono.

That's why I feel at ease here.

That, and I know Ollie would never say bad things about someone

who's been so good to him. - No, no, no, no.

- Here's what I'd like.

To wake up tomorrow morning, say 7:00 AM,

to find a final episode of the show

I so generously fund,

and hear that you are wrong.

Sadly, Tim Kono shot himself,

and, uh, the reason why is going to be...

loneliness.

♪

Or some thinky shit like that.

- It's definitely an area. TEDDY: But make it good.

You're the artists.

I'm just a guy with some delis...

who'd hate to see any more bad things happen to the tenants

in his building.

You'll make the right choice.

Because if you don't, well,

I know where you live.

♪

- Hey. Careful. - Go, go, go.

- Hey! Uh, Oliver? Whoa.

- Wait, are you Mabel? - That's totally Mabel.

- Oh my god, do we have fans?

- Oh, thank god, we have fans!

- Where's the new episode? - Shouldn't you be recording?

- Yeah, we don't work for you, you vultures!

- Okay. I'm so sorry. We're in a hurry. - We believe in you.

- I'm sorry, where did you get that?

- Oh, homemade merch.

Worked on it myself, so...

- Out of curiosity, how much would you pay for an official one?

- Oh my god, Putnam, let's go!

- [laughs] That was a classic Oliver-Mabel exchange!

Hey, we're dying for the next episode! - We may be, too!

[Sam laughing] [knocking]

- Open up! It's us!

- You know, we really oughta have a key in case he falls in the tub.

He's not steady on his feet, you know.

♪

Charles!

- [gasps] Oh hey, come in. Charles is getting bagels.

- [growls] Okay...

MABEL: So, uh, did you and Charles...

How do I say this? - Celebrate one another's bodies?

- Oh, we went right there.

- Oh Jesus...

- Okay. Brazzos.

- Brazzos was our safe word.

- And what's the safe word for me to get out of this conversation?

- Are you guys okay? Oh, do you want a Splenda?

- Jan, please, we're focused on staying alive here.

- Okay, no Splenda. You know, there's some not-so-great studies.

- Hey! Hey, guys! Glad to have you back! What a morning!

- Sure is. We've had quite the time.

We survived a truck full of corpses

and an implicit death threat from Teddy Dimas,

but good thing you got bagels.

- Well, actually, I just got enough for Jan and me,

but-- Wait, you know what? That's not true

because these blueberry bad boys

are going right into the freez--

Did you say "death threat"?

- Uh-huh. - Dimas threatened to kill us.

- Are you alright? OLIVER: Oh,

Tim-Tom-riffic. But Teddy--

and he never mentioned this to me, you know how modest he can be--

turns out, is a psychotic grave robber,

who says that if we don't drop

a final episode by morning, saying that he did nothing,

he's gonna drop a few bullets in our skulls.

JAN: Teddy Dimas doesn't know what we know,

and we know a lot more now.

- Wait. What do we know?

- Jan and I spent the morning going through Tim Kono's phone,

and we made a ton of secret discoveries.

- Let's just say it sends our investigation

into a whole new direction.

[Charles laughs] - [quietly] Okay...

- Isn't she a natural?

[both groan]

- Tim was a meticulous record keeper.

There are notes and photos in here.

There's scans of receipts and newspaper clippings.

So, putting them all together, we found out

why he was after the Dimases.

He saw Teddy's son Theo

push a girl from the roof here at the Arconia almost 10 years ago.

- It was Theo that Tim saw.

- Teddy threatened Tim to keep him quiet, but Tim was working

to bring Teddy down till the day he died. And then he stopped.

- Yeah 'cause Teddy killed him!

- Whoa, let's not leap to conclusions

'cause I don't see that in this phone.

- Okay, I can't. I can't do this. - Um, Charlie?

A word. - Sure.

- I'll set these up. We're sharing. - Alright.

Isn't she the best? - Oh, totally. Amazing.

J-just love her. So many opinions. - Yes,

we're very, very happy for you, okay? But,

there's something that may have happened.

- We... had sex. Together.

- Ew, yes. Okay, I know that, but shit just got super real,

and if we want to take down Dimas before 7:00 AM, first...

Is that what we're gonna do?

A nod or a "no," guys...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - [agreeing]

- Then, we need real help. We need real backup.

- Who from? - The person who gave us Tim's phone.

♪

[seagulls cawing] [waves washing ashore]

[taxi doors open, shut]

- I'll handle this.

I played this scene a million times on Brazzos--

- Oh, don't say that word.

- How can I help you?

[distant ship horn]

- It's money time, baby.

Payday's here, and the check is in the mail.

As in the deceased murdered male

at the Arconia, Tim Kono. That's right. I said murdered.

- Okay, I heard murdered, but what the fuck else was the rest of that?

- Well, it's, uh, police talk,

isn't it? - No.

- We are part of a concern

that has reason to believe Tim Kono was murdered by the Dimas family.

- The deli people? - Delis, but also crime.

- Based on the evidence we found on Tim's phone.

- Uh-huh. And how did you get said phone?

- Well, you gave-- - Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh...

Maybe... whoever did that...

still has some lingering questions about Tim's death,

and is up against enormous obstacles

and was hoping you could help them by releasing

a podcast episode with all your evidence.

- So, it was you.

- I mean, if we make that episode--

DETECTIVE WILLIAMS: You don't want to be sitting ducks.

I got you. I'm low-key running

a tox report and fingerprint scan off the laptop

someone typed Kono's goodbye on. The rest is on you.

- Thank you so much. And I am so, so sorry

about the things that Charles and Mabel said about you in episode one.

And two. Some of three.

- Okay... So, let's just make sure

we keep this tight. Okay?

Especially if you're accusing the Deli King? Alright?

So, get the who, the how, the why, and the why now.

- Get-get the what and the what?

- See, why would you say what? I never said what. There's no what.

It's the who,

the how, the why,

and the why now. Alright? Make the case.

And make sure it's super fuckin' tight!

- And we need to make it by morning.

[seagulls cawing] CHARLES: The who,

and the... MABEL: The-the who...

OLIVER: The who, the what... CHARLES: Not the what.

OLIVER: No! The why! The why. MABEL: How...

OLIVER: Oh, I think the night in the truck is starting to get to me.

Is anyone hungry?

I cannot function with all this pressure and nothing to dip.

CHARLES: But what do we have for the why now?

MABEL: Nothing, really...

[knocking]

CHARLES: Oh!

- Homemade pizza rolls.

- [chuckles] Oh, that's great...

- Well, I guess the mystery of what we're gonna snack on is solved!

[laughs] I want to show you this place.

- No to this. No.

- I totally agree. [sniffs]

But, gotta admit, these pizza rolls smell good. What do you think?

- Stop. [rhythmic knock]

- Did someone order up a party?

[sighs]

Hey... Oscar. [growls]

- Thanks for finally answering my texts.

- Sorry. I've been a little preoccupied

and minorly traumatized. - Huh?

I got big news about the case.

Oh, what's that smell? I'm starving.

- Nice to meet another member of the team. Hi, I'm Jan.

- Uh, Oscar. Those look amazing. [laughs]

- And homemade! I mean, how fun is this?

We're becoming a community.

OSCAR: Mm-hmm. - So, what's the big news?

- Oh, I met up with that Cutter guy. - Oh, that's the jewelry connection.

- The one Tim met up with before he got iced.

- Okay, so did you get the green ring?

OSCAR: No, that's the thing.

Cutter sold it.

To Kono.

Tim actually got it the day before he was killed.

- Tim had Zoe's ring?

- No, no. We didn't find it in his apartment,

and I have every piece of jewelry he had in there.

- Maybe whoever killed him took it.

- The Dimases! OLIVER: Yeah.

- I mean, who else would care about that ring?

- That's direct evidence!

- And that's our why now. - Oh, is it though?

I don't know. It...

It's all circumstantial without the ring.

We don't know the Dimases have it.

[laughs] Circumstantial.

Always wanted to throw that word around.

[Charles and Jan laugh]

Oh god, this is so exciting! Thank you for inviting me into this.

- [quietly] Although we didn't. - I'm sorry?

- Our pleasure. It's great.

- And now, we need to know how they did it.

- If they did it.

- Okay, you know what? Guys, I need air

and, uh, some dip for these really dry rolls.

- These will pair very nicely with Gut Milk.

♪

[both laugh]

[traffic noise]

[bag crinkling] [street chatter]

[chatter gets louder]

- Oh wait! Hey!

- Jesus, don't you people have a home to go to?

What happened to the kid? - Grant had a piano lesson.

- Also, he got tired of waiting for a new episode.

Kids these days.

Everything is binge, binge, binge. - Yeah.

- They'll never know the pleasure of waiting for just a crumb of what you want.

My daughter says I'm not welcome at her wedding.

- Well... Jesus...

- Uh, but-but we know that

you are on the cusp of something big,

and I want to share in that cusp.

- Exactly right. The resolution is moments away.

- It's not just one suspect, right?

♪

- Why do you think that? - Logistics.

And the timing with the fire alarm that night.

- Interesting. Well, it-it... Anyway, it's all coming together.

- It's amazing! I'm so buzzed! - Ah, thank you.

- I feel like Tim Kono the night that he wrote those suicide notes!

- Uh...

Are you all busy right now?

- No. - Mm-mmm. No.

- Come with me.

- [excited squealing]

- Reinforcements, kids!

- Oh shit. [fans giggling]

- More people? - What is happening right now?

- Losing it. Totally losing it!

[gasps] You're so pretty.

- Oh, thank you. - Mm?

- Sam, Paulette, Marv, meet...

Well, you know them.

- You all...

- Big fans of the podcast. You're Tie-Dye.

[nervous laugh]

- The OG! [giggling]

- And I'm Jan. Introducing myself.

- Oh. - Hey.

- Jan is my girlfriend. - I am?

- If you want to be. - Yes.

MARV: What a handsome couple.

My ex-wife was way younger, too.

- Oh man, this is gonna break Haden-Maiden hearts on the boards.

[sighs] - [laughs] What I'd give.

- Okay, um, us three, we need to talk.

Excuse me. OLIVER: Okay. Yeah...

[overlapping chatter]

- Hey... - Uh, hey.

Ah... [shutter snaps]

- What are they doing here? - We need help with the how.

- From them? - They know more than we do.

Certainly more than Jan, who is...

How do I put this politely? Reverse-helpful.

Like a French pig who can sense truffles buried underground

from miles away, only the truffles are bad ideas.

- That is my girlfriend you're talking about,

and we had sex. I don't know if I said that.

- Please stop talking about that. - Guys,

these fans listen to every episode, over and over.

They're us before we took this on.

Wouldn't we want us on this case before we were us?

- Not a bad point.

- Not a very clear point.

- Look, do I wish our fans were a little more hip? Yes.

Do I wish they were

a tad more on top of their hygiene? Absolutely.

Do they have a-a confused

look in their eyes, like a dog that's heard a strange sound?

Yeah. But, strap that dog to a sled,

and, baby,

you'll be flying across the tundra. [snorts]

[disgusted sigh]

♪

- Tim Kono lives on the ninth floor,

but on that night,

he got on the elevator

with a trash bag from floor six.

Why?

- How did we miss that?

- Floor six is Teddy's floor. PAULETTE: Cool,

but was it Tim's garbage or was it Teddy's?

- It's a good question. - And...

did Teddy write those notes?

Okay, as I said to Paula Abdul

during our production of Hedda Gabler... - Oi.

- we gotta start thinking outside the box here.

- Guys, I know we all like the Dimas stuff,

but what about the cat? - The who?

- Well, I'm just going over your notes here,

and why aren't we looking more at this man,

Howard Morris? - Okay...

- Wait, you're suggesting an entirely new suspect.

- It is outside the box. - A little too outside the box.

- Yeah, I have an idea. Why don't we shove it back into the box,

and hope they don't notice it when we return it.

- It's not crazy. We did look into him at one point,

and I still have his cat's leg somewhere--

- I'm just saying he's your first suspect, and he's not a bad one.

[murmuring] - Everyone, everyone, everyone.

You know, I-I... In no way do I want to appear pushy here,

but please shut up.

I think I've got this.

The suicide notes that Tim Kono had in the trash bag

the night he died. They weren't cries for help.

They were death threats.

- [gasps] Mind blown. - No!

- The Dimases were threatening him,

promising to make his death look like a suicide.

Teddy threatened us the same way this morning.

- Keep going. - Oh, I will. But first,

I have to visualize. I'm a visualizer.

Marv, Marv, I need you to be Theo Dimas,

the deaf son. - O-okay.

- No, no. Don't, don't [laughs]

ever do that again.

Paulette, you are the doorman, Lester.

- Psych. - Okay.

And you, Sam,

you're Tim Kono. [excited laugh]

♪

Dead! [laughs] But literally.

He is dead.

- Flashback!

The day of the murder.

Tim Kono enters the Arconia.

And... action!

- [awkwardly] Hello, Lester.

What a normal afternoon OLIVER: No, no, pointier.

He has a very pointy delivery. Isn't that right, Mabel?

- Pointy? - Well [stammers] just try it.

- [pointedly] Hello, Lester. Did I happen to receive

a package with a ring in it?

- No, not today, Mr. Kono. [snaps]

- Okay, so Tim enters his apartment,

and then fire alarm. Whoop!

Whoop! Whoop!

So then, he opens his door, and Theo Dimas

pushes his way in. [grunts]

No, no, no. Too-too rough.

Too rough, Marv. - But, I'm a killer.

- We're just marking, Marv!

Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Okay. They fight.

♪

Theo wants to protect his dad from Tim exposing

all his father's crimes. He punches him in the stomach.

[exaggerated grunt]

Same way that, you know, I was punched in the stomach at the dump.

[gasping] Tim gasps for air.

[loud gasp] And then a pistol goes in his mouth.

[groans]

[grunt]

[dramatic sigh]

[grunt]

We'll work on that.

And finally,

remember what Detective Williams said about the fingerprints?

Theo types the suicide message.

And that's how it all went down. What do you think?

- Kind of a confusing theory.

- Oh please, you're in a love daze. It's air-tight.

- And it's the how, so we have to get the recording equipment.

- I don't know, you guys. Don't you think it feels a little too easy?

I mean, I'd take another look at Howard.

- Tim did not die because of a cat, Jan.

He died because of jewels,

and a ring, and if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it now or never.

- It's 5:30 in the morning, and we all know how you need a few takes

before you're warmed up.

[sighs]

- Uh, Jan, we kinda worked on this as a team together.

- And I'm not on the team.

- Well, I wouldn't put it like that.

- Oh, I would because your input is destructive,

and your pizza rolls are chewy.

Now, normally, I could forgive one of those things, but not both.

- You ate six of those pizza rolls, and they're starting to show.

- I beg of you. Please, exit.

- Oh, I'll exit. - No, no,

you have great ideas--

- Charles, let her go. We're on the clock. [door opens]

- Ja-- I think she's mad at me. [door shuts]

- Oh, she's definitely mad at you.

- Okay, we need to start recording this now.

- Sam, any time, you can get up.

- Are we sure-sure about this?

We've taken a lot of money from Teddy Dimas.

I just wanna be sure-sure-sure.

[elevator dings]

[sighs] [elevator doors shut]

♪

[keys jingling, unlocks door]

♪

CHARLES: And that concludes the final episode of

Only Murders In The Building.

We'll be back in the unlikely event another neighbor is murdered

or we move to a more dangerous area.

I'm your host, Charles-Haden Savage.

[click]

- There it is. We're done.

OLIVER: Oh... [applause]

Did you really like it!?

- I feel like I just watched Prince record Purple Rain.

- You really did it. - Down comes the Deli King.

- Make sure your friends listen. Go spread the word.

- Yes.

- And find some other interests.

It's a big wide world out there.

- Congratulations. We love you guys. MABEL: Thank you.

- Oh, love you. Love you.

- Would love to talk merch. OLIVER: No, no.

- I actually do have a job.

- I don't believe that. - Thanks for being super fans.

- Okay, before we send this... [door shuts]

we need to show somebody a sneak preview.

CHARLES [on podcast]: Tim Kono had stumbled upon Teddy Dimas' side business

of grave robbing jewels from the dead.

- No shit.

[text notification chimes] [sigh, soft laugh]

[puts down paper, cup]

♪

[sighs] Goddammit.

[knocking]

CHARLES [on podcast]: And the day Tim was murdered was the day

he finally got the evidence that backed up his story of what he saw

the night his friend Zoe died.

[on headphones] Tim returned to the Arconia that day

to be greeted by an ominous warning waiting under his door.

A suicide note.

So, he stuffed the note in a trash bag

and took the elevator down to six.

[on speaker] He confronted Teddy with the trash bag at Teddy's doorstep,

then flashed a gun he recently bought on the black market.

The gun that would become the murder weapon.

Teddy pulls the fire alarm, lingers outside Tim's apartment.

When Tim tries to leave, Theo stuns him with a punch to the stomach.

The alarm covers the gunshot,

Dimases make sure to blend in with the residents

walking downstairs during the fire alarm.

CHARLES/SAM: Confident they had gotten away with murder.

- Something's bothering me.

Why would the Dimases sponsor a podcast

they knew might out them?

- Hubris, I guess.

- Everybody always blames hubris.

You really buy that? - Sometimes the truth is weird, okay?

SAM: Real life doesn't always resolve like mysteries do.

[clink] ALL: Cheers!

- God bless us. Oh, no.

Mm!

You know, I'm gonna miss this case a little...

MABEL: Me, too. [chatter fades out]

[text chimes]

♪

[text chimes]

[text chimes]

- I know how you feel about Tim,

but I did find this.

- I can't reverse time,

but I've been gathering all the jewels and evidence I can find

to prove the crimes of Teddy Dimas.

I even have a lead on the emerald ring

that can prove what I saw the night Zoe died.

It's all I can do to try to make up for what happened,

and for Oscar Torres,

who was like a brother to me,

to begin to say I'm sorry.

Even though I can't forgive myself for my silence,

and for all he lost

so unfairly,

starting on that New Year's Eve.

SAM: And while some clues are important,

some lead nowhere.

- Yeah, man, as soon as the chief saw "Dimases did it" trending,

he told me to pick him up.

[on phone]: Can you believe that this is how crimes are solved now?

- [laughs] I know. Isn't it fantastic?

- And I'm genuinely impressed. You nailed them.

Fully nailed them.

Teddy Dimas is in a world of trouble for the Cassidy death,

that grave robbing insanity, and now this?

SAM: So we should be thankful that this mystery did have a tidy ending.

The Dimases did it.

Case closed. WILLIAMS: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on.

Oh shit.

Fuck. Fuck, man!

- Is that a good "shit fuck fuck"?

- Tox report's back.

Tim Kono was poisoned!

He was already dead when he was shot.

And if one of the neighbors on two

has a Ring camera pointed at the courtyard.

Man, I'm sitting here looking at timestamped photos from that night...

of the Dimases

outside before the fire alarm even went off!

They weren't even in the building when Tim was killed!

- Oh god.

- Fuck! [slams phone]

[line beeping]

- [clears throat] Guys!

I hate saying this, but, uh,

there may still be a murderer in the building.

MABEL: Wait, what do you mean?

- You mean my girlfriend was right?

- Wait, you've got a girlfriend?

- Nobody ever listens to me or Jan!

♪

[door slams] [elevator dings]

[clears throat]

[knocking]

Jan?

Jan, it's Charles.

[knocking]

Jan!

Jan! J-- Help!

Anybody! Help!

[Keep Searching by Del Shannon playing]

♪ No one will understand ♪

♪ What I've gotta do ♪

♪ I've gotta find a place to hide ♪

♪ With my baby by my side ♪

♪ She's been hurt so much ♪

♪ They treat her mean and cruel ♪

♪ They try to keep us far apart ♪

♪ There's only one thing left we can do ♪

♪ We gotta keep searchin', searchin' ♪

♪ Find a place to hide, searchin', searchin' ♪

♪ She'll be by my side if we gotta keep on the run ♪

♪ We'll follow the sun ♪

♪ Wee-ooh, follow the sun ♪

♪ Wee-ooh ♪

♪ singing high note ♪

[song fades out]

[fanfare]