Original subtitles

Nothing beats a cozy family gathering

on day 4 of your speed bender.

Which one was your favorite?

- The cheese cake. - I’ll make the cheese cake.

- But is that lactose-free? - Can’t I hold him for a bit?

Olav, come to Grandpa.

Now we’re going to enjoy ourselves.

Come here little baby! Hi.

Yes, now I’m holding him. Hey there.

So, when the guests arrive the day after tomorrow,

- we suck them off one by one until they cum. - Yes, that’s a great idea.

- I’ve been thinking the same thing. - That’ll be nice.

Yes, that’s going to be awesome.

Tommy, can’t you help me with that cake?

- Sure. - Now we’re having a cozy time.

Have you ever tried the Smurf mix?

Huh?

- That’s become tradition now. - It has, right?

But then we’ll go with yours.

KIDS IN CRIME

The Smurfs Hits

Fuck…

Do you have a light?

You keep it.

Thanks.

What are you taking? It’s not heroine, is it?

- What the fuck are you on about? - Don’t play dumb, Tommy.

Dad says Mom doesn’t sleep at night.

She just mopes around all day, is about to lose herself.

It’s not like you think, okay?

Is there anything I can do for you?

- Is there anything you need help with? - Don’t start like that.

- I’m no junkie. - No?

No.

Good.

Because I was going to ask you something.

I was wondering if you wanted to be Olav’s godfather?

At the baptism, you know.

- Would you want that? - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah, very much.

Then I need you to pull yourself together.

Okay?

Okay.

- Okay? - Okay.

Good.

Good.

Come here.

Yo, Dad.

Hi there.

Meet Monica.

Hi.

Morning.

Could I bum one from you?

So, Monica…

Where are you from?

Bede. Up by Kærbitten.

Oh...

Bede…

Haven’t been there in a long time.

So, how’s it going in the house in Skjeberg?

Hope you don’t have to run around everywhere, tidying up after him?

- No… - I know how that is.

Decent guy, this one.

I haven’t heard a squeak from him since he moved…

I’m here now though.

That’s nice.

But there’s something I need to tell you.

And that is…

I’m going for that contract.

Yeah.

I’ll sign.

That’s why we’re here.

Are you serious, Pål?

Yes.

If Dad hasn’t flushed it in the toilet yet.

Oh my God.

Now I need to give you a hug.

But what about Monica? Huh?

Monica is coming with to Australia.

No way!

Yes.

I would never have thought…

Did you talk him into this?

Maybe.

Yes, Monica was on your team.

Where did you say you were from? Heaven?

Now, let’s pop some champagne.

- Yes! - Yes!

Did you see that stuff? People were jumping from buildings and…

The second plane hit on live TV.

Okay, people.

Why do you think our criminal cases have doubled in a year?

Rohypnol. I was about to say it.

Rofies.

- This devilry is spreading like wildfire. - Roofies.

That’s how they say it.

With two Os.

Anyway.

This is spreading like wildfire in the drug circles.

And what’s worse, it’s spreading among youth in town.

Freddy. That’s what I thought.

We have pretty strong indications that Freddy Hell has his hands on the candy bag.

So, any observations you make need to be reported to me.

Yeah.

- Didn’t you run into him at the square the other day? - Sure. He tends to roam around.

But it’s about the guys and the street…

You just don’t get it.

I get you, don’t I?

Sure, but you don’t care about the streets.

Listen.

We lock ourselves in and carry it outside.

While the Cunt is sleeping on the second floor.

Quickly in and out.

His parents are on the Canary Islands. And I know where their key is.

If it’s not there, I know the balcony door is always open.

I even know where the Cunt has his savings.

How do you know all that?

He used to be best buddies with that asshole.

Used to, yes.

Right then. Good luck with that, mastermind.

Sit down.

Sit down, I said.

- I have nothing to do with your debt. - Yes, you do.

That deposit…

Where did you get that from?

It didn’t fall straight into your lap, did it?

Is that Freddy’s money?

Sit down.

You lied.

Your punishment is to help carry.

If we’re going to do this, we can’t get caught.

Just quickly in and out.

Completely ninja.

But what if he wakes up?

We need to make sure that doesn’t happen.

I don’t know about this…

Who spread the rumor that you were brain damaged in school?

He used to call me gipsy whore on the smoking corner, too.

Exactly. There are thousands of reasons to fuck with Marius the Cunt.

12 000, to be exact.

I, for one, need a heavy adjustment to even consider this.

- Have you ever tried the Smurf mix? - No…

Me neither.

Have you crushed roofies and mixed them with speed?

Yes.

This is the recipe for psychosis.

The lights are on.

What the fuck is this?

Fucking hell.

- Yo! - Fuck…

What’s up, Cunt?

Shut up when you’re talking to me.

The Gypsy.

Shut up!

Check this out.

Let me see.

Damn, I see there’s been a meeting in the Scout Association.

You know what will happen if you don’t keep your mouth shut.

Go to his room and check beneath the drawers in his desk.

How much did you pay for those whores, huh?

This isn’t Wall Street, Cunt.

Where the fuck is your money?

I don’t have any money.

I don’t have any money.

Tommy!

Think it’s enough?

So, you don’t have money, huh?

You don’t have money?

- No. - What the fuck is this, then?

What the fuck is this?

Fuck… Give me the bag.

Don’t waste anything on that man whore.

- I said, give me the bag. - Fuck...

Stay still.

Take Monica and the bags.

- I’ll be right there. - Fuck off..

Fuck off!

- Yo! Where the hell did you get that from? - I said, take Monica and the bags.

Don’t go too far now, Tommy.

Monica!

Come!

Monica!

Come, Monica!

Tommy!

Be careful with that thing. Seriously.

- Open up. - No.

I said, open up!

Let’s give you a little kick.

Come on, chew.

Chew!

Yeah, like that.

Good boy.

Chew.

Yeah, like that.

Move one millimeter, and you’re toast.

Do you remember we used to play war when we were kids?

Do you remember that?

Do you think I’m playing a criminal?

This is not elementary school, Marius.

Up. Open up.

Yeah, like that.

Any last words?

If you snitch,

we’ll take that video and send it to the cops

and that whole ugly family of yours.

Fucking loser.

See yah!

Fucking hell!

That cunt finally got what he deserved.

You do know that one costs thousands of NOK?

It itches like hell, too.

Tommy, look what Monica’s got.

What the fuck is that?

Did you bring a rifle?

Yeah.

Are you a complete fucking idiot?

Calm down.

It won’t stay here longer than tomorrow.

So, it’s for Freddy?

As a love declaration between the gangsters?

Hm?

What the fuck are you talking about?

That was your plan all along.

- My plan? - Yes.

The plan I made while you were home, tripping like a fool,

was to get us money. So maybe we can live a few more years.

- Oh, right. - Yes.

“Get us money”…

What do you call this?

That's enough money, Tommy.

But once again, you need to take it one step further,

just to suck the dick of your idol up at Bede.

Watch your mouth, Pål.

You’re the one who got us into this situation, you son of a bitch.

Strolling into this world as if it’s a game.

- Making him front you all those roofies so you can be a gangster. - To save your ass.

The hell you did. You did that for yourself and no one else.

Just like that damn shotgun.

You’ve always been like that.

Stepping over everybody else to get ahead.

Let me tell you what you are.

A self-centered,

fucking

loser.

Tommy!

No. No!

Tommy!

So, kill me then!

- Pål… - Kill me!

- Pål! - Be the world’s toughest guy…

- Pål, stop! - Come on, kill me!

Listen…

Now you two go to bed.

I’ll hide all this stash, and then…

I’ll go to the store in the morning to buy us a nice breakfast.

This’ll work out.

We’re friends now.

Okay?

Let’s take it a little easy from now on.

I never would have thought I’d see you in one of those.

Are you in love, darling?

Do you feel alone?

I’m with you everywhere, my heart.

Even to Australia.

And if it goes to shit down there,

then we’ll journey on.

You and I.

English subtitles by Maja E. V. Olsen