All language subtitles for second.act.2018.1080p.bluray.x264-drones

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, you know, you're not supposed to
buy your own birthday breakfast.

- That's against the rules.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, I hate birthdays.

- But I love you though.
- Yeah.

So you want some?

- Yeah, when I get out of the shower, babe.
- I wasn't talking about that.

- Oh, no? That's not what you're talking about?
- No.

- (CHUCKLING) Happy birthday to me.
- Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh.

- That's a hot outfit.
- (SCOFFS)

I need to look professional.

Relax, okay?
Everyone there loves you.

(GROANS) I just...
I don't know if I can do this.

Every manager at our company
has a college degree.

Yeah, well, I'd argue
that 15 years' experience

is worth, what, 10 degrees?

- Not to these people.
- Oh.

But thank you.

(EXHALING)

I need you today, abuela.

Hey, just remember that they need
you more than you need them, okay?

- I'm just trying to stay focused.
- Yeah.

Keep my eye on the ball.

- Did you just sports metaphor me?
- Oh, God.

Hey, you know, just take it
one game at a time.

What if Weiskopf
doesn't like me?

Well, it's a game of inches.
You gotta give him 110%.

I'm ignoring you, okay?

Do you like, "It's an honor
to meet you, Mr. Weiskopf"?

- Or is that...
- Too ass-kissy.

- Yeah, okay.
- (MUTTERS)

I have to get this, Trey.

Hey, look.

The only thing
with a prayer of stopping you

is you.

- I'm gonna be late.
- Okay.

- Knock 'em dead.
- Okay.

Your ass looks great
in those jeans, by the way.

Again? You know,
I'm not a piece of meat...

Okay, fine,
but we're gonna have to make this quick.

- Bye.
- Okay. Bye.

(UPBEAT R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

It's a pleasure, Mr. Weiskopf, to show you
what we've been doing at Value Shop 151.

The pleasure is ours.
Take note, Arthur.

Ozone Park Value Shop outsells its
nearest competition twice over.

Let me show you why.

Welcome to our online store.

My best friend, Joan Volpentesta,
fellow employee,

sends her son Dilly into the
store with his cell phone

to hold up every single cut of
sirloin for her beef braciole.

And that's when it hit me.

- It's a live feed. Interesting.
- Yes.

From home, our subscribers can
pick a certain cut of salmon,

the third lemon from the back,
anything they want.

They shop before noon,
we deliver by 6:00, 20-mile radius.

Expands our community.
Expands our volume.

And expands
our profits nicely.

And this is
where it all began.

- Monday Moms?
- Yes. This was all Maya's idea.

Meet the aforementioned Joan.

- Hello. Hi.
- Well, hello.

- (CHUCKLING)
- I am a...

I'm a mom of two kids,
and I have a deadbeat ex,

and I was sharing my woes
with some other moms,

when Maya smartly suggested
that we start a weekly bitch fest...

- Social club.
- A social club.

MAYA: You know, cater to
Monday Moms, or dads.

And it just grew from there.

Wait. Are you talking
customers or staff?

Both. Hi.

Suzi da Vinci.

I call it Value Shop therapy.
We're like shopping friends.

- We swap stories, coupons...
- Husbands.

- Uh-uh, not mine.
- (LAUGHS)

You know, I don't even know
what to say,

except Arthur's gonna be
extremely fortunate

to have you
as a first lieutenant.

So, I'm gonna leave you alone to
get to know each other better.

Mr. Weiskopf,
can I have a minute?

- You can have two.
- Thank you.

I prepared for this meeting
for weeks.

And you did great.

Look, I've put 15 years
of my life into this store.

And after becoming assistant
manager six years ago,

sales have increased
at a record pace.

Look, I mean no disrespect,
but...

What do you know about this store
or the people who shop here?

I specialize
in team building.

Arthur got his MBA from Duke.

I think you'll find
he's the best man for the job.

No, sir.

I am.

Where did you
go to college, dear?

I have my GED.

I respect that. I do.

But we have minimum job
requirements in place for a reason.

And what is that reason?

I want you to know how much
we value you and your loyalty.

You would think management would want
someone from sales in that position.

Okay, perspective.

You have a great boyfriend, Trey,
who is ring-shopping as we speak.

Wait, he's what?

Shit!

- Why would you tell me that?
- Okay.

I said "shit,"
so obviously I know...

Anyway, it shouldn't be
a surprise.

You guys have been together
for five years.

It's not about...

- He wants kids.
- And that's a bad thing because...

You know what? I'm not having
this conversation right now.

Okay, how do I
say this nicely?

Okay, I can't.
How about this?

Tonight, you get messed up.
After the party, get knocked up.

You can use my guest bedroom.

- What party?
- Shit!

- What party?
- Okay, do me a favor.

Act surprised.
Can you do that for me?

Don't be selfish.
Nobody likes a selfish girl.

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(POPPERS POP)

- ALL: Surprise!
- Surprise!

(ALL CHEERING)

Nah. Hey!

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Hey.

Hey, everyone.

If you guys could
all just pipe down.

Cut the music.

- I want to, uh...
- (MUSIC STOPS)

I want to say a couple things
about the birthday girl.

- Aw.
- Oh, my God.

So, back when I was coaching
Babe Ruth League...

Oh, no! No...
TREY: Yeah.

There was this Friday night
game at Pezzicola Field.

And this kid goes down
on a called third strike,

and outta nowhere,

there's this shrieking
coming from the stands.

- (YELLS)
- (LAUGHTER)

Some crazy lady
is just all over the ump.

(STAMMERS) So I turn around
to get a look at this wacko,

(LAUGHTER)

and, bam, there she is.

Beautiful, brazen,
and completely on fire.

And anyone, any

corporate dickhead

who doesn't appreciate just
how amazing this woman is...

Well, babe, as they say...

- ALL: "It ain't over until it's over."
- TREY: Dilly.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

- Come on, dance with me.
- Oh, gosh. Now?

- No. Come on. Yeah, yeah.
- Really?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Right now?

Right now
in front of everyone.

(MAYA LAUGHS)
TREY: Mmm.

You look beautiful.

You're not so bad.

- Oh. Okay.
- (CHUCKLES)

I mean, cleaning up
on my own birthday. Nice.

Well, that's what
real friends do.

I'm gonna have my birthday
here every year.

Shut up.

You okay?

- Screw 'em.
- Yeah, screw 'em.

Who?

Them.

Oh, the educated people
in their fancy houses

who name their kids
after fruit and

climb Kilimanjaro.

Yes, screw them.

I mean, doesn't it
make you crazy

that just because you didn't get
a degree when you were 18, you...

You don't qualify for a job
when you're freaking 40?

(STAMMERS)

First of all,
who said life is fair?

Right?

I mean, come on, your godson going
to Stanford on a Google scholarship,

that kind of helps to even
things out, don't you think?

Come on, Maya, it's a title.
It doesn't define you.

Says the woman who can't say her
son's name without mentioning

- that he's going to Stanford. (CHUCKLES)
- This is true. Okay. All right.

I mean, and you should.
You should. (LAUGHS)

It's amazing.

But I...

I don't know.

I just thought by now, I...

I don't know.

Is this...
Is this about Sarah?

Okay. When are you gonna
forgive yourself for that?

Really.

Well, maybe I just need to stop
banging my head up against a wall.

The world tells you enough
times, "This is who you are,"

maybe it's time
to start believing it.

There are tons of other jobs
out there, Auntie M.

- Oh, my God! Would you stop eavesdropping?
- I'm not eavesdropping.

- Okay, and now he brought cake, so I can't be mad at him.
- (SNICKERS)

Okay.

One wish on your birthday.

(LAUGHS) Okay.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

I wish... (EXHALES)

I wish

that we lived in a world
where street smarts equal book smarts.

I wish...

Hey, hey.

- (SIGHS)
- You gave it your best, right?

- That's right.
- Yeah.

JOAN: Come on.

- Let's blow that out. We know you had a blow.
- (SNIFFLES)

(CHUCKLES)

That's the word on the street,
I don't...

- I'm not saying you had a blow.
- Shut up. Please shut up.

Blow it out.
We can't stay here all night.

I've always liked the idea
of round tables.

You know, as a boy, my favorite
stories were the ones where King...

Ms. Davilla, a minute.

Look, I'm aware
that you wanted this position.

And what's more, I sincerely
believe that you deserved it.

Your ideas, while rough,
still have merit.

- I mean... (SCOFFS)
- What's rough about them?

But when you roll your eyes,
Ms. Davilla,

you trivialize a team-building
exercise, and that divides us.

You're my right hand.

We're all at the same table.
Yeah?

As I was saying,
I'd like us to think of ourselves as knights,

each with our own wisdom
and fiefdoms.

So, Sir Vondel Jones,

you will be
our knight of legumes.

And, Sir Alex Gibbian,
you are the marquis of meat.

What the hell is a legume?

ARTHUR: And, Shaniqua Harris,
you are the knight

of feminine hygiene.

I'm menopausal.

Apparently, I deserve this.

Hey, uh, some lady
called for you.

Um, something about
a job interview from F&C.

Franklin and Clarke?
I don't know.

The ones who make half the stuff
on aisle seven, eight, and 11.

Oh. Okay.

I didn't apply
for a job there.

Uh, all right, you pulled it out of me.
You remember your birthday wish?

What? Dilly?

He used your legal name, don't worry.
He put you up for some jobs. He did.

- I didn't ask him to.
- Okay, all right.

Well, you know what,
you can either grow some balls

or spend the rest of your life
with Lord Bag-o'- Dicks.

And if customer service comes in and
they wanna fight. Here, let's fight.

I'll teach you some swordplay.
The knight...

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Maya Davilla.

Um, sorry, it's under Maria Vargas.
I got a call from...

Your interview is
on the 59th floor.

- Hi. I'm...
- Ms. Vargas.

Yes, he's been expecting you.

He?

Ms. Vargas is here.

Hi.

I'm Anderson Clarke.

Clarke, as in Franklin & Clarke?
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my grandfather wanted it
to be Clarke & Franklin,

- but he lost the coin toss.
- (CHUCKLES)

Still steams my clams.
Come on in. Come on in, Maria.

- Uh, please, call me Maya.
- Oh.

- Well, then call me Anderson.
- (CHUCKLES)

Are... Are you, um...

I mean,
you're the head of...

I just assumed that
human resources...

Your résumé interests me.

You come from sales?

Fifteen years.

I'm sorry,
what is this position for?

I've often thought that sales should have
a greater voice in product development.

I couldn't agree more.

I mean, the market's
only getting more competitive.

- And consumers are only getting smarter.
- Oh, yes, they are.

You live here in the city?

I'm in between apartments.

Family?

- Just me.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Oh.

I'm sorry, I didn't know
you had a meeting.

Uh, Maya, this is Zoe.
One of our vice presidents.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Maya works for Sam Weiskopf.
- Well, indirectly. (CHUCKLES)

So, what are you guys
talking about?

I was thinking of bringing
Maya on for a consultancy.

You were?

ZOE: Wow.

Uh, you must have a lot of
experience in product development.

Oh, I'm sure she's well-versed
in the efficacy of our products.

Maya?

Uh, you want me to...

Well, okay. (LAUGHS)

Uh, well,
off the top of my head, um...

Your Rainforest
Mountain Shampoo is excellent,

although I only stock
the, uh, regular version.

Um, your men's shaving gel
really moves.

But your skin care line is...

ZOE: Yes?

A little behind
the competition.

ANDERSON: Can you
be more specific?

MAYA: Well, you launched your
avocado jojoba line last spring,

and we only sold 1,353 units,

which is about 70%
under the normal range.

- And that's just off the top of your head?
- Can I talk to you in private?

Just a second.
Why do you think they didn't sell, Maya?

Well...

Your organic line
isn't really organic.

(SCOFFS)

Are you kidding me?

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Look, I don't wanna
insult anyone. Okay? And I...

I realize that my credentials
aren't typically what...

Oh, you are right about that.

Harvard undergrad,
magna cum laude.

Then there's your philanthropy,
all the work with the Peace Corps.

And of course, you have got to
see her Facebook page.

- Her Facebook page?
- My Facebook page?

ANDERSON: I have been training
for Kilimanjaro for months.

Is that right?

Well, Zoe? What do you think?

I think I've seen enough.

Thank you for coming in, Maya.

Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Shit.

JOAN: Hey.

Uh-oh.

She doesn't look happy.

- She doesn't look happy.
- I'm not happy.

They didn't like you?

No, they thought
I was very accomplished,

given my MBA and my stint
in the Peace Corps.

- Who can blame them?
- Peace Corps?

Yeah, it's all right there

on my Facebook page.

But you're not on Facebook...

Dilly!

Do not move.

Did you create a Facebook page
for Maya? And do not lie.

Yes.

Okay, that was easy.

But it wasn't just Facebook.

DILLY: Okay, give me
some credit.

This is a work of art.

- I mean, I gave you a completely new identity.
- (TYPING)

You've got your own WIX site,
and it's got social and corporate.

- JOAN: What?
- Why, Dill?

Well, for your birthday.

I mean, you said you wanted to be fancy,
so I just, like, Cinderella'd your ass.

- Oh, all right.
- (GROANS) I...

I was gonna
use your porn name,

but you don't even use your
legal name anymore, so...

My porn name?

- Yeah, first pet, first street.
- First pet, first street.

Mine's Fluffy Valley.

Okay, so it's
a whole new you,

but it's still you
because it's your real name.

I've got everything. I've got your
school records, employment history.

I mean, the FBI couldn't debunk this,
so it's basically real.

Except it's bullshit.

Yeah, it's bullshit.

Out!

It doesn't matter,
because I'm not getting the job anyway.

And, look, the next time
I start making birthday wishes,

just hit me over the head.

- DILLY: Bulbous Cockburn.
- What?

- It's my porn name.
- Don't say "Bulbous."

(STAMMERS)

You're disgusting. Don't curse
in front of your godmother.

Little asshole.

Okay, all those in favor of
renaming to Morning Masticators,

raise your hand.
Nice and high, so I can count.

- It just sounds like mast...
- It means eating, okay?

Calling it "Moms"
is sexist against men.

- JOAN: Okay.
- You're a little stupid, aren't you?

Remember, you're supposed
to be my right hand.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

I bet you he uses
that right hand a lot.

(CHUCKLES)
MAYA: Hello?

Tell me what "mastication" means.
I know what "mastication" means.

Yes.

Oh, I...

Thank you.

No, absolutely,
(STAMMERS) I will.

What?

That was F&C.

They wanna hire me.

Shut up. I thought that skinny
bitch kicked you out of her office?

She did. I mean, I basically trashed
their entire skin care line.

Maybe that was a test to see if
you were a straight shooter.

The lie got you in the door,

but you got the job, baby.

I mean, come on.
You could do this.

You could do this.
ARTHUR: Ms. Davilla.

A moment.

Hey, who's the champ?

- What?
- You're the champ.

- Come on, who's the champ?
- What?

- Who's the champ? Come on, wake up.
- Huh?

Who's the champ? Let's go.

- Who's the champ?
- I'm the champ?

You're the champ.

- Ow. Come on. All right, just go.
- Stop!

Excuse me, Arthur.

I've been thinking about all the
things you've said this week.

Good.

And I don't think
I can be your right hand.

Are you quitting?

Best of luck to you.

ARTHUR: Best of luck to you.

It's not easy getting a job
for a woman your age.

- Boop.
- Uh-oh. Mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm.

JOAN: No, this is not
gonna be good.

Oh, she about to
fuck you up.

Watch me.

(UPBEAT R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

Attaboy, Lucas, nice turn.

Nice ass.

(CHUCKLES)

- Who you talking about? Hey.
- You know who I'm talking about.

The team's looking great.
You guys are going all the way this year.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be happy
if we make the tournament,

but a lot of good teams
to beat.

They don't have the best
assistant coach in the country.

- I like your confidence.
- (CHUCKLES)

I like your...
Ass, I know.

I was gonna say smile.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, I have some, uh,
great news I wanna talk to you about.

- Yeah?
- Full Moon?

Yeah, let me... Let me finish up here,
and then I'll see you there at 8:00?

- Perfect.
- Okay.

I just, I can't believe
you said yes.

(LAUGHS) I know. I...

I know, my head is
still spinning.

Yeah, but, you mean, you're
gonna come clean, right?

Look, I admit that the way
I got in was less than honest,

but what I did
in that room...

Look, I can do this.

Okay, I'm...
I'm happy for you, babe.

Hey, maybe you take
this offer.

You tell 'em we need a couple weeks,
and we can go away and start a family.

I mean, this could be
a really good thing.

Trey, I can't.

It's just

not the right time.

Our timing never seems right,

does it?

I mean, we've been talking
about this for three years.

I always thought
we were heading to this.

You know? I want

a family, Maya.

I want kids,
and I want that with you.

We can even adopt.

Oh, baby...

(HUFFS)

No.

It's obvious
we want different things.

Trey...

We shouldn't do this anymore.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC FADES)

Oh. Oh, no, you look like
Mrs. Doubtfire.

I'm trying to look
respectable, not too slutty.

Oh, all right,
well, no problem there.

That outfit's
like dick repellent.

- What's dick repellent?
- Okay, out.

What? You say bad shit
all the time.

Okay, you know what?
Go brush your

- fricking teeth. Good-bye.
- That's not even a word.

Hey, go with plan
anything-other-than-that.

And wipe that face off
your face, missy thing, okay?

All right. Don't say
I didn't warn you.

(PUSH IT PLAYING ON STEREO)
JOAN: Come on, let's do this, girls.

BIG ANT: Yeah!
SUZI: Yes!

No.
ALL: Maya!

No.
SUZI: Maya, come down here.

No!
SUZI: Come on.

(SINGING)
Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop

Yeah, you, come here,
gimme a kiss

Better make it fast,
or else I'm gonna get pissed

Can't you hear
the music's pumpin' hard

- Like I wish you would?
- Get out of the way.

Now push it

Push it good

- That hurt my boob.
- Did it?

- Push it real good.
- Yes. Now move out of my way.

Where you going?
No. Where you going? No.

- Come on.
- Guys. It's not eighth grade. Come on.

JOAN: Come on.

(ALL GRUNT)

What?

- Oh, you remember that part?
- That's right.

Uh-uh.

SUZI: Where's she going?

Oh, my God.
It doesn't work anymore.

- (SONG CONTINUES)
- (ALL WHOOPING AND CHEERING)

Come on, Otto.

Boy, you really
got me going

You got me so
I don't know what I'm doing

(GRUNTS)

- Come on, come on, come on.
- That's right, hit it.

Drop it low.

Push it

Push, push, push,
push it, push it Push it

Push, push, push,
push it, push it

WOMAN: Ms. Vargas?

- Hello.
- Hi.

Uh, Ariana Ng,
your probationary assistant.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Okay, well,
you can call me Maya.

Yes, Mayam, ma'am. Mmm.

Follow me, please.

HILDY: There you are.

Hi. I'm Hildy Ostrander,
your DE.

Oh, hi, nice to meet you, Hildy.
Um, sorry, DE?

Development Executive.

Ms. Ostrander came to F&C
from Vassar via Pfizer.

She also oversees
the entire East Coast and is very single...

Oh. Say less. (CHUCKLES)

Right this way.

Wait, this is my office?
HILDY: Mmm-hmm.

MAYA: Wow.

- This is...
- I know.

We'll have the decorators
right up so you can fix it.

This is really great.

Cancel the decorators.

Uh, Mr. Clarke's office
sent down keys

to one of our corporate
apartments in the city.

- Ariana?
- Yes?

(SIGHS) I can't.

- She's afraid of heights.
- Mmm-hmm.

- MAYA: How long have you been working here?
- Three months.

Mmm, she was talking to me.
Six years.

Great.

Because I'm here to work my butt off,
so any wisdom you can impart...

Great. We'll start with
the morning meeting.

Development kicks off
the new quarterly cycle today,

so your timing's perfect.

- Uh, what cycle?
- It was men's grooming,

but they switched it to
skin care at the last second.

You're kidding me.

I don't want this to sound like
anything but constructive advice...

We've never had a consultant
in Development before,

so they're gonna be looking for
any excuse to tear you apart.

That's comforting.

That's Ron Ebsen,
the other DE.

- He's cute.
- He knows it.

He actually studied dance
before he went to business school.

He'll come over as soon as he...
Yep, brace for impact.

- You must be Maya. Ron Ebsen.
- Hi.

You know, I've been lobbying for
a consultant for a while now.

You went to
Wharton, right?

Yes, I did. Wharton.

And you had
Professor Gumpart?

Of course. I love him.

Her.

Yeah, not anymore.

Oh. Wow.

Hang on, are you sure?
'Cause she and I, we, um...

Oh, God.

Good morning, everyone.

Zoe, right?

Ah, yes. Vice President
of Global Skin Care.

- Skin care?
- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, boy.

Some of you have already heard
our new mandate from on high

to replace our existing moisture
line with an organic alternative.

(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
MAN: It's already all natural.

Apparently, it needs
to be more so.

By the end of the quarter?
That's not possible.

We're not talking 100% green.
Just greener.

MAN: This is ridiculous.

From the shrieks of wild enthusiasm,
I take it Zoe's just broken the news.

Are you kidding me?
He's old enough to be her...

Father.

- You wanna run this?
- No, no.

I just wanted to drop by and
formally introduce our new hire.

Maya Vargas is an extremely
accomplished consultant,

and the new skin care direction was
partially inspired by her feedback.

Maya?

Sir, I think
it's a great idea.

End of quarter is aggressive, but, uh,
I think we're up to the challenge.

Excellent. Thank you, Ron.

We'll start brainstorming.

Though it might be helpful
to hear Maya's game plan.

Mmm.

Sorry?
ZOE: Yes.

Uh, Maya, please tell everyone where you
think the existing skin care line falls short.

Okay.

Um...

Respectfully, uh...

F&C was skewered when they tried
to convince people that Notralis

was some new hair growth product,
when basically, it was repackaged shampoo.

They felt scammed.
So to repeat that pattern...

It's not the same.

You can't say "all natural"
on the front of a bottle,

and then have a whole list
of chemicals on the back.

All comfortably
within FDA guidelines.

People don't want to "probably not"
get cancer from a skin cream.

That's ridiculous.
Launching an entirely new product line

is almost triple the cost
of evolving an existing one.

- I think people...
- Guys, we're all on the same team here.

Okay? All right?

ZOE: You know what?
Maybe we shouldn't be.

How about this?
Ron and I will thread the needle

at profitably organic-ifying
the current line.

And Maya and Hildy
can cook up something new.

All green,
within our profit margins.

Oh, Christ.

You wanna compete?

Okay.

You've got three months.

And, uh...

May the best woman win.

The first and most imperative
step is landing Felix.

Who's Felix?
I-nventor of Vital Eyes.

- Oh, I love Vital Eyes.
- He's F&C's chief chemist. The best.

He's got a vision
for the market and the chemistry.

We cannot do this
without Felix.

- Great. Can we get him?
- (SIGHS)

No.

Walt Benjamin is Felix's number two
and an incredibly talented scientist.

I'm not going against Felix.

(SIGHS)

Alicia Zhou is our latest hire
out of Cornell.

Yes.

- Oh, my God.
- Great!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, thank you. This is gonna be so exciting.

No, it's not. That was sarcasm.
Did you not pick up on that or...

(MEOWING)

What the hell?

This guy was on Hildy's list?

We've gone through her list.
This is my idea.

(CATS MEOWING)

MAN: Dinner's almost ready.

No. Come back here.
Come here.

- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)
- Stay!

So, you went from MIT
to developing cat food?

Maybe I like cats.

Or maybe Felix exiled him.

Well, maybe Felix
is an ass-panda.

Well, he teamed up
with Zoe.

Yeah. Everyone's teamed up
with Zoe.

Except you.
Is that because of Felix?

Look, there are millions of
words in the English language,

but there is no combination
that accurately describes

the feeling I have of wanting
to beat his ass with a chair.

So, here's your chance
to beat that panda ass.

I'm in.

(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY) Yay.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God! What the hell?

(JOAN GASPING)

You know what? Screw the kid.
I am moving in with you.

I mean, he can learn
to hunt or something.

This is crazy.
All of this is insane.

Look at this.

Oh, my God,
you got cards here.

Bergdorf Goodman.
Hello, lover.

Those are for product research and stuff.
You know, the big companies,

they give you that so you can
keep up with everything.

Oh, my God, look at this!
50,000 refrigerate...

(GASPING) Holy S-word!

- The refrigerator is stocked.
- Holy what?

Oh. Yeah. Otto got kicked out of school
because he called his teacher a dunt.

A what?

- A dumb...
- Oh, wow.

Yeah. So I am endeavoring
to set a better example.

- Madame.
- (CHUCKLES)

- Good luck with that.
- Yeah. Well, I'll need it.

Here you go. Cheers.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, my God, look at
all these drawers even.

- (GASPING)
- Have you heard from him?

Who?

Oh. Oh, Trey?

Um... (STAMMERS)

Uh, I don't really wanna...
I don't...

You don't really, what?

You know how it is.
People hear that you guys broke up,

and he's a wounded fish,

and, you know,
the sharks start circling.

It's only been a week.

What do you mean? What do you expect?
You never told him the truth.

What? Me telling him the truth was
suddenly gonna make everything okay?

No, you're right. It's better to
lug your past around like a cross.

Maya.

You were 17 years old
when you gave the kid up.

- You were a kid yourself.
- (BOTTLE DRAGGING)

You did the right thing.

Oh, come on.

Now did I bum you out about Trey?
No, come on, I don't wanna do that.

I don't know
what I'm doing here.

You don't know
what you're doing here?

I'll tell you what you're
gonna do. You're gonna...

You're gonna take these
cards here. You're gonna...

You're gonna dress the part.

You're gonna buy yourself those
fancy shoes with the red bottoms.

All right, you know what?

As your friend, I'm gonna take
these off your hands. Thank you.

- Don't you dare.
- No, I'm gonna take 'em,

'cause you don't seem to be
appreciative of it.

- So, I'm gonna go. Okay.
- No.

And then I'm gonna take this.
Okay. It's a two-parter.

I'm gonna take these, and I'm
gonna go. No. I'm gonna go.

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

- Oh, my God.
- This is crazy.

Come on, let's show 'em
what Queens can do.

Holding. One for you,
two for me. And...

We can't spend all of it.

Okay. You know what?
Gift cards aren't like horses.

They are meant
to be ridden hard.

- Now get your head in the game. Here you go.
- (GROANS)

And I'm gonna go ahead
and try this on.

- Thank you.
- You can't buy that.

I'm not buying it.
You are, bitch. Thank you.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Okay. First thing we need to do,
outline a goal for our product.

Has to be 100% organic.

It has to be profitable.
It has to fill a hole in the marketplace.

ARIANA: Uh, it needs
a wow factor.

Um, why are you smushed
against the door?

Uh, no,
none of your business.

MAYA: What do people
really want?

- To be young.
- Ah, to be thin.

Uh, to work underground.

To be loved.

Well, great.
All we need to do is invent a product

that makes people feel
young, thin, lovable, and

subterranean.

(LAUGHS) We could do this.

(THUDDING)

MAYA: Wow.

ARIANA: You should see
the big room.

These are all the day creams,
night creams.

La Mer, Valmont, Hauschka...

Dove, TRESemmé, Supergoop...

Ariana, say less.

Everything that is relevant.

Women like to be moist.

...turized. Moisturized.

Anyway, the first step is to have
Research put together a data package

that shows us the top
sellers in each sector.

Why?

It's standard procedure
in launching any new line.

Well, I think
we should be in the stores.

You know,
talking to the managers.

Looking at the sell-throughs,
the rates of return.

I mean, if we're gonna
find a hole in the market,

then we have to find
the hole in the market.

That's gonna eat up a lot of time,
and we only have 10 weeks.

- ANDERSON: Ah, there you are.
- Mr. Clarke, what a surprise.

Hello, Hildy. Brushing up
on the competition?

Yes. What can we
do for you?

Well, these guys
already know it,

but I like to torture
my employees once in a while,

and I thought maybe you'd like to
join us out at the yacht club?

Yacht club?

Yeah, well, since you coxed
on the club team at Harvard,

I thought you could show us
a thing or two.

Sure.

RON: I suck at this.

FELIX: Ah, it's better than that zip-lining
shit he made us do in the woods.

I mean, I got into science so I
wouldn't have to go outdoors.

Suck it up, ladies.

ANDERSON: Now this is what
I call team building.

Zoe rowed lightweight
for Princeton.

Never could beat you Crimson
when she was there.

Said you guys
always had their number.

We'll see if we still have some
of that old Crimson magic.

(LAUGHS)

On the square.

On the square.

Sit ready.

Shit's ready.

Damn right it is.

Hey, shall we Power 20
right from the start?

Yes, of course.

ZOE: Attention.

- Go!
- Power 20!

(GRUNTING)

Five...

Row!

- Six...
- Row!

Seven...

Row your boat!

ZOE: Eight!

Yeah!

- Go, go, go!
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

- I lost my olive.
- I'm so sorry.

No, don't get it.

FELIX: They're pulling
ahead of us.

- Damn it, Zoe!
- I've got this.

I've got this!

- (SIREN WHOOPS)
- (INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

I so did not have that.

Hey, it's okay. We've, uh...
We've had worse.

That was epic.

Where to begin?

I can think
of a couple places.

It's funny. I thought I heard
"pull port" as something different.

Really?

Pull port!

Pulled pork!

"Pulled pork"?

- Runt!
- Right?

Yes!

No! The other right!
The other right!

Look out!

(ALL SCREAM)

Look, I just
wanna apologize...

I just wanna say one thing.
All right?

That was

hilarious. (CHORTLING)

- But, Mr. Clarke that scull, it was...
- It was a piece of crap.

Now... Now we have an excuse to upgrade.
(LAUGHS)

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

I hope somebody videotaped that
'cause that was some crazy shit.

(LAUGHING)

Well, that worked out.

- See you, Maya.
- Okay.

First, we have to work for his
daughter, now we get this one.

- (SIGHS)
- There's something bullshit about her.

Huh. Coxswain, my ass.

- What?
- Hmm?

Your dad is unique.

He's competitive to the point
of occasional insanity.

- (CHUCKLES)
- But it's made him who he is.

You worry about him.

I worry about
some of his decisions.

Since my mother passed away.

I'm sorry.

Six years, and he hasn't been
on a date or a single vacation.

Although I finally talked him into
putting the apartment on Zillow.

You know, he is always on me about
having more of a life outside of work,

and yet, he can't see
the same about himself.

Well, he's a dad.
That's what they do, right?

I mean, I lost both my parents
when I was young,

so my grandmother raised me
until she died,

and then I bounced around foster care,
so I wouldn't know.

Oh, is that why you never
married or had kids?

Something like that.

- Well, now that we've analyzed each other...
- (CHUCKLES)

...I've got
a big day tomorrow.

First shot at
initial prototypes.

How are you guys coming?

We're close.

Hmm.

Very close.

What the hell?
Oh, my God! It smells awful!

- Yeah, that's because it's 100% organic as ordered.
- (GROANING)

Excuse me, could I ask you some questions
about your daily skin care routine?

All right. Good day.

Hi. Hi.

Um, what do you look for
in a sunblock?

Excuse me.
Do you have time...

Do you have the time?

As a woman
who wears all the makeup,

do you have
any particular favorites?

Hello. Hi.

Hi.

It's cold out here.

Glad you have all that makeup on
to keep you warm.

- The paraben chemicals are what make it smell better.
- (GROANING)

No! We can't do that,
all right?

And... And what do we do to make it
a nicer color than vomit green?

- Methoxycinnamate...
- (GROANS)

Dumb it down for me,
all right?

How do we get rid of the chemicals and
still make it look and smell nice?

We have to find
the ingredients in nature.

Well, good. All right then.
Start searching.

Do you have a minute, sir?

Oh, come on.

(SCREAMS)

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

That dickhead
just kept walking.

Do you have mirrors
at home?

And do you look at them
before you leave?

Wow.

You have really soft skin.
What kind of moisturizer do you use?

- Really?
- Yeah.

MAN: (ON PHONE)
Office of the registrar.

Yes. Uh...

How do I verify

if someone who says they went to
Harvard actually graduated from there?

Do you have the name of the person
and the year of graduation?

Yes. Maria Vargas.
Class of '96.

Vargas...

Oh, yes. She, uh,
graduated with honors.

Wow. (CHUCKLES)

Magna cum laude.

MAN 2: (ON PHONE) You dick!

Excuse me?

No, sorry.

Um, Admissions gets
really excited

- when we ding a scholarship candidate.
- (SOFTLY) Sorry.

Uh...

Okay.
Uh, thank you very much.

No problem.

(VIBRATING)

Look at that, dude!
Oh, my God!

- Did you see that shit?
- Damn it!

DILLY: I'll say this
as a friend, man.

You suck at this game.

WOMAN: (ON PHONE)
Edward Taylor's office.

Yes, is Mr. Taylor in?

I have a quick question about a
reference on a former employee.

Mr. Taylor is away until the
21st. I can have him return.

I'd appreciate that,
thank you.

I'm really proud just to be here with them.
Be a part of it, you know?

(ALL CHEERING)

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPS)
That was really cold!

Hello. What's this?

Research.

You did all this
in the field?

God, no. We have wasted six weeks talking
to whackadoos from store to store.

I ordered this
from downstairs.

- That's not how we're doing this.
- And yet, it's how it's done.

Wow. Uh, 120,000 responses,
but no real consensus.

Which is exactly my point.
People are idiots.

They don't know what they want.
They want us to tell them what they want,

so they can pick the prettiest
bottle and get on with their lives.

Maya, could I talk to you
for a second?

Um, yeah.

So, we are looking at taking
on a new Chinese distributor.

Their CEO is in town and wants to meet
me and Ron for dinner this Thursday.

His English is sketchy
at best.

Dad thought
you could help us out.

Okay.

Our go-to translator
is on his honeymoon,

and the only employee we have
who speaks Mandarin is...

- Me?
- Yeah.

- Okay. Great.
- Great.

- Thursday. Okay.
- Yep.

Oh, my God!
You are so butt-fricked.

- It's not funny, Joan.
- Oh, it is.

I almost killed people
in a boat race.

Now I'm gonna murder Mandarin.
I don't speak Chinese.

All right, so you do a lot of nodding.
I mean, men don't listen to us anyway.

I'm serious.

I just got an idea.

Our cat's veterinarian.

He's the nicest guy in the world,
and he speaks Mandarin.

And how does that help me?

Well, if this works,
you owe me big time.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, he's asking you
if you have ever traveled extensively in China.

You say...

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) You say...

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

- (SPEAKING MANDARIN)
- (WHINES)

(IN ENGLISH)
But I feel so bad

leaving everybody else
out of the conversation.

I'm sure that your English is
much better than my Mandarin.

I suspect it might be.

We would love
to schedule a tour

for you and your colleagues to
visit our facilities firsthand.

But, of course, we would have to
wait for the deal to be closed

due to the proprietary nature
of R&D.

As long as there is a signed
nondisclosure agreement,

I feel perfectly comfortable
allowing Mr. Jiang to tour.

You may not be aware, Zoe,
but that directly contradicts company policy.

- (CLEARS THROAT)
- But I'm sure Mr. Jiang can understand that.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Oh...

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IN ENGLISH) I like her.

And thank you, Zoe.

I will gladly sign the NDA
to tour your facilities.

ZOE: Thank you. That actually
worked out great.

Ron didn't seem too happy.

Well, Ron is one of the reasons
I hate this job sometimes.

So, how is
your project coming?

Honestly?

- Slow. Should have kept my big mouth shut.
- (SCOFFS)

Yeah. 100% organic is tough.

I took a run at it
a few years ago.

You know, I still have some
research over at my dad's place.

If you don't mind
helping me search for it,

it might save you
a few headaches.

Thanks. I mean,
that would be really helpful.

Yeah, well, it's the least I can do
for you making Ron look like a dick.

(CHUCKLES)

I'll see you.

What's up, Pops? I'm heading out to
meet Maya over at the apartment.

Actually, that's why
I wanted to see you.

Uh-oh. Sounds serious.
(CHUCKLES)

Would you close the door,
sweetheart?

Okay.

(INAUDIBLE)

- Hey.
- Hey.

Well, when's he moving?

Uh, next month.

My apartment's so tiny,
he lets me keep a lot of my junk here.

This place is huge.
You grew up here?

Most of my life.

- MAYA: Wow.
- (ZOE CHUCKLES)

ZOE: Dad likes
to collect them.

Is that your mom?

Mmm-hmm.

Pretty.

- She was blonde?
- Yeah.

I was adopted.

Let's get you that research.

Sorry about the mess.

Dad saved everything.

And I mean everything.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my goodness.
Could you be any cuter?

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

This is all the early stuff.

Yeah, the first haircut.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

First tooth.

(SIGHS)

It's my first blanket.

It was from my birth mother.

It came with this.

It says,
"Wherever you go..."

"I will always love you."

(SHUDDERS)

Oh, my God.

- How? (SNIFFLES)
- My dad.

I'm completely pissed at him.

You know, for years, after my mom died,
I tried to find you,

but it was just
a series of dead ends.

So, I sort of gave up.

But apparently he didn't.

That was a good decision.

I used to always wonder
what your voice sounded like.

Oh, my God.

Did you ever search for me?

You know, the adoption agency
advised me not to.

They said that you were with a
good family and that I shouldn't.

But every time I saw
a little girl, I would think,

"Is that what
Sarah looks like now?"

You called me Sarah?

So, I would have been

Sarah Rosalina de la Santa Cruz
Davilla Vargas?

You see why I shortened it.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh...

(BOTH LAUGH)

ZOE: Can I ask...

What about my father?

I met him at a party.

Does he know about me?

I never even
knew his last name.

But he was the most beautiful
boy I had ever seen.

He was?

And very sweet.

But I was 16 and
basically on my own, and...

But I knew
you had to be born.

Wasn't even a question.

I'd left school. You know, got two jobs.
But I didn't have anybody to watch you.

They were gonna take you away.
You know, put you back in the system.

And I just couldn't
let that happen.

But knowing that I was
given up for adoption...

You can't help but grow up
with a sense of rejection.

"Am I good enough?"

"Is something wrong with me?"

Exactly.

I would have done
anything to keep you.

You know, I know we haven't
exactly gotten along,

but I really admire you.

Just everything
you've accomplished.

You're kind of who I wanna be
when I grow up.

ZOE: I found my old research.

You okay?

Well, I took out the really good stuff
'cause I am still going to kick your ass.

(CHUCKLES)

By the way, I don't think we need
to tell people at work about this.

- Agreed.
- Cool.

Then let's go,
because I am starving.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

JOAN: So that's
where you've been?

Jiminy crickets.

Oh, for God's sakes, would you
just please start cursing?

No. Whatever. Come on.
(STAMMERING) So, what is she like?

You know, it's so bizarre.

Last week,
she was North Korea.

And now when I think about her,
I can't stop smiling. (CHUCKLES)

Aw.

That's so nice.

She wants to get to know me.

Oh.

Shoes.

Yeah, says she wants
to make up for lost time.

- Well, that's great.
- Mmm-mmm.

Not great. She wants to
meet my friends.

So? I'd be happy to.

No. My "friends" from Harvard
and the Peace Corps.

- Who don't actually...
- Yes!

Oh, F-word.

God, that's so annoying.

What's annoying? Your face?

(SIGHING) Oh, God.

ANDERSON:
Thank you very much.

I want to explain myself
to both of you.

- You don't have to, it's...
- Oh, no, he does.

We used to say Zoe got
her spirited streak from her mother,

but now we know
that's only half true.

You know, when Zoe started
looking for you,

I didn't know
if it was healthy or not.

And, after a while,
you gave up.

And something
went out in you.

I know what your mother would've said.
She would've said, "Fix it, Andy."

So, I kept the feelers out.

And then suddenly, miraculously,
there you were online.

And impressively so.

I didn't know if you would
want to connect with Zoe,

and I didn't wanna take the
chance on her being rejected,

so I brought you in under the guise
of a job interview to suss you out.

And you were terrific.
You were fantastic.

I would've hired you
without this connection.

And then Zoe walked in

and seeing the two of you butting
heads together, I just...

You manipulated us.

Well, perhaps.

Although, I wasn't the one
who suggested the competition.

BIG ANT: Maya?

Is that Maria Maya Vargas?

- What are the odds?
- (JOAN LAUGHS)

Hello.

Yes, we were just on our way to
the alumni social for Norton.

- Wharton.
- Norton. Wharton. Yep.

Um, Zoe, Anderson,
these are my friends from...

Harvard.

We, uh, did some time
in the Peace Corps together.

We save whales.

Yeah, so you're
Maya's little girl, huh?

She has your eyes.

Aren't you guys
gonna be late for your mixer?

- Okay.
- Philanthropy never waits.

- Always saving something.
- (LAUGHS)

I thought you said
it was an alumni social.

Well, we wanted to give our men a
reason to put their tuxes on, so...

Before we give our men
a reason to take 'em off.

- JOAN: Oh, Jesus.
- (LAUGHS)

What an image.
JOAN: Okay, we're not...

Okay, all right.
Nice to meet you, ladies.

Thank you.
JOAN: And you, too.

It really is so nice to finally meet
some of Maya's friends.

JOAN: Well, she seems nice.

- MAYA: Yeah. Uh-huh.
- Pretty, too.

JOAN: Unlike the bug
up your arse.

I mean, come on, Joan.
Seriously?

"Save the whales"?

Well, she nailed it
in rehearsal.

Anyway, we were helping.

Still coming
to my birthday, right?

Of course.

I just wish
you would've told me.

Well, she said she wanted
to meet your friends.

- (GROANS)
- Oh, I'm sorry. Suddenly, we don't exist?

Hey, don't confuse this new Facebook thing
with who you really are, okay?

My daughter thinks
I'm this amazing person.

- What am I supposed to do?
- I don't know.

Try telling her
the damn truth?

You don't understand.

All right, that would kill her. I...
(SIGHS)

Maybe, one day, when we get
to know each other better.

One day when you get to know.

I remember you saying
the same thing about Trey.

You know what,
that's a shitty thing to say.

I'm sorry,
well, if the shite fits.

You know what?
You have no idea what it's been like.

You have no idea

how many times I still thought
about her every day.

"Is she okay? Is she happy?
Is she alive?"

And you're right.
Now I've found her, and it's a mess.

I'm a mess. And you know what?
I hate the lie.

But I have to be the person
that she thinks I am,

or I could lose her again.

And I couldn't survive that.

You act like
you don't have a choice.

- I don't.
- (SIGHS)

Wow.

You know, it's sad that she's
not gonna meet the old Maya.

'Cause she was pretty amazing.

Thanks.

Hey, don't be
a stranger, huh?

(MAYA CHUCKLES)

I was kind of
a regular.

When?

We used to sit here.

Ah.

You used to sleep or nurse while I
tried to figure out our next move.

Wait, we were homeless?

I mean, there was a while where
we didn't have a place, but...

I mean, I tried. I mean...

But...

(MAYA SIGHS)

It's okay.

I said good-bye to you here.

Kissed you for the last time.

December 23rd.

Christmas is not exactly my favorite time of the year.
(CHUCKLES)

Maybe we should fix that.

(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Okay. We got it. We're good.

(INAUDIBLE)

Ta-da!

Oh, it's perfect.

(MUSIC FADES)

Hi, guys. What's going on?

We have some good news.

- Ooh.
- And some of the other stuff.

First, the good news.

I have found
the hole in the market.

- Fruit?
- Not just any fruit.

- Tangerine.
- No one has done it.

Our data shows
a 37% increase in sales

on any cream with a featured
citrus component.

But it comes with a price.

How much of a price?

- Oh, just give me that.
- Thank you.

To make all three products entirely green
from the tangerine extract,

it'll cost 13% more
than Zoe and Ron's line.

Oh, my God.
Can we bring that down?

Change often comes at a cost.

The game was to create a line
that was more profitable, not less.

Well, maybe you could
ask them for more time.

Oh, that would be admitting
that we couldn't do what we said we could.

What you said we could.

(GROANS) Everything I touch
gets ruined.

Oh.

Look who's back from the city.

SUZI: What's wrong?

They fire you?

Not yet.

Nine weeks of work, and I...

So, you didn't come clean.

SUZI: Well, everything happens
for a reason, right?

- You're with your daughter again.
- Who's drop-dead, by the way.

Thank you, guys, for what
you did the other day.

I mean, it was a little
pathetic, but it was sweet.

I just wish I didn't get so caught up
with all this data and spreadsheets.

Just should've stuck
with what got me there.

There's just so many products.

Oh, tell me about it.

You got your under-eye,
your face cream, your hand cream,

which in my house is called
my son's "don't ask" cream.

- Okay. All right, really?
- Mine, too.

If only there was one thing to cut through
all the noise, you know?

One thing...

KIDS ON TV: Merry Christmas,
Charlie Brown!

- Oh, my God.
- What?

(KIDS ON TV
SINGING CHRISTMAS SONG)

You guys are amazing.

(CHUCKLES) I love you.
And I gotta go.

One product?

Yeah. That does the job
of all three.

I mean,
it definitely costs less.

We should run it by Hildy
to check with Research.

No, that's what got us in this
mess in the first place.

Look, I have a good feeling about this.
We make one product that does everything.

Rejuvenates, blocks the sun,
moisturizes the whole body.

Maya, SPF formulas that block
the sun and stay on your skin

can be toxic if you
leave them on overnight.

Isn't there a natural compound
with sun protection that isn't toxic?

No.

- Shit!
- What?

The Christmas party. Let's go.
We can brainstorm later.

- Um, I can't.
- Why not?

Not invited.
Uh, execs only.

Give me a break. You're my date.
Ariana, too. You guys meet me there.

It's on the top floor.
She'll be thrilled. (CHUCKLES)

(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)

(SONG FADES)

You okay?

Oh, another reason why I don't
mind banishment to cat food.

I'm not great
at these things.

Why did Felix banish you?

The whole Notralis scandal
was Felix's idea.

He wanted me to hide the fact
that we were repackaging shampoo

as hair growth product.

I wouldn't do it.

So, he let you keep your job
if you keep your mouth shut.

But he banned you to Siberia.

Why didn't you just quit?

That's what he wants.

- Well, Team Green's in the house. (CHUCKLES)
- Hey!

You look amazing.

- Thank you. You look pretty damn fine yourself.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

My God, I love that ring.

Oh, it's my grandmother's.
The one thing she left me.

The only thing my grandmother
left me was a plant.

- Yeah. I'll keep my diamond.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

- Well, I seem to have found the cool crowd.
- Oh.

Two of the most beautiful
people here.

CHASE: Thank you.

Right. Just...

I'm gonna go get a drink.

(CHUCKLES)

- Would you like a dance?
- Sure.

Another scotch.

Did you accidentally push
the up button in the elevator?

'Cause I don't think you're
supposed to be on this floor.

I'm here with Maya.

Oh, are you?

Well, you enjoy tonight.

I mean, you'll be back with your
cat food before you know it.

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

You look awesome.

I'm surprised
you made it off the elevator.

Yeah, I, um...

I barfed in my purse.

Ah, I see.

Do you... Do you trust me?

Yeah.

- ANDERSON: She really doesn't belong here, you know.
- (INAUDIBLE)

She left college to
join me here at the company.

I probably shouldn't have let her,
but we were both hurting and...

Anyway, it's time for her now
to go and live her life.

Go back to art school.
Forget about the old man for a while.

Wait, she went to art school?

Yeah, you saw the apartment.

Wait.
Those portraits were hers?

Mmm-hmm.

Cynthia and I used to joke about which
one of us she got her talent from.

(CHUCKLES)

You both did
an incredible job with her.

Oh, my God.
Are... Are we outside?

It's fine, okay? Everything's fine.
I got you. All right.

- I'm gonna take off the blindfold...
- Nope.

And when I do, I want you
to look right at me.

Can I say something?

Yeah, of course.

You don't have to pull some Titanic bullshit
just to get close to me.

Okay.

Good, 'cause I kind of
hate that movie.

You know, the door that she's
floating on at the end, it's...

- Big enough for both of them, yeah.
- Yes. Exactly.

Can we please
move this conversation inside?

100%. Absolutely. Okay.

- Okay.
- We're going back inside. We're turning.

- Okay. Okay.
- I got you.

- There you go.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

RON: Hail to the chief.

Congratulations on China.

ANDERSON: Apparently,
that dinner went very well.

Jiang was so impressed with our facilities,
he wants to make a deal.

Once I set him up with the tour,
I was certain he'd be in.

- Wait a minute, that was...
- Mind if we cut in?

Hey, Mr. Clarke.

I underestimated you.

- Did you?
- Yeah.

You're a much bigger scumbag
than I thought you were.

Really? Because I have
an inkling you are, too.

Anyway, we completed
our project this afternoon.

That's impossible.

Is it?

- Cheers!
- Congratulations.

ANDERSON: Sammy Weiskopf.
Look what the cat dragged in.

(CHUCKLES) If it isn't the second-worst
poker player in the world.

ANDERSON: I live in your shadow.
How'd you get past security?

- WEISKOPF: I own them.
- (ANDERSON LAUGHS)

I may have had a hand in it, sir.
Thank you for coming, Sam.

And, of course, you remember Ms. Vargas
from her years at Value Shop.

I don't know that I do.

I consulted locally.

You've built a great business, Mr. Weiskopf.
You should be very proud.

- WEISKOPF: Mmm.
- Does anyone else find it just a little strange that...

- (JAZZ SONG PLAYING)
- Oh, God. I love this song.

I know what you're doing,
and it's not gonna work.

What's your story, Ron?

I can dance like that.

I tend to lean to the nurture side
of the whole evolution thing.

- Meaning?
- Assholes aren't born. They're made.

What made you an asshole, Ron?

I come from
an extremely long line.

Really?

'Cause I get the feeling that there's
something smaller than your brain,

- and it isn't your ego.
- Hmm.

I really don't care how
you got here, Maria Vargas.

'Cause once everyone realizes
what a disaster

you and your nonexistent
product are, I guarantee you,

you'll be a fast memory.

What did you say?

You're a disaster.

That's it.

(CROWD GASPS)
RON: (GRUNTS) No, no!

Hey, um...

Just to be clear.

I'm kind of kinky.

(WHIMPERS)

We should probably
come up with a safe word.

Chase, we gotta go.

- What? Now?
- Now.

Okay.

CHASE:
Where are we going?

(SIGHS)

I realized something
at the party.

Even out of the biggest disaster,
there can still be hope.

Which disaster
are we talking about?

- Hiroshima.
- Wait. What?

After we dropped the bomb,
the military sent a team into Japan

to see if the radiation had
depleted. The only thing left

that hadn't been destroyed
was one single living tree.

The leaves had already
started growing back.

The citizens,
they built a shrine around this tree.

And the soldiers
took clippings from it.

One of those soldiers
was my grandpa.

What kind of a tree was it?

Silver ginkgo.

After my grandpa
returned home,

he took his clippings and
planted a tree for my grandma.

And it's resistant
to radiation.

AKA the sun.

(DOOR RATTLES)

- Here.
- What?

What? (STAMMERS)
We're breaking in?

You know they have ginkgo trees
in Central Park, right?

Not the same kind. Besides,
that's my plant in there.

- Oh, hey, buddy. Hi.
- (BARKS)

All right. Stop.

(DOG GROWLING)

(SIGHS)

Thank you, abuela.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
The next stop is Broadway.

TREY: (ON VIDEO) Here's Maya.
Look at her, five days out.

Five days out.

If you look carefully,
you can almost see smoke

- (LAUGHING) coming off of her brain...
- Stop it.

TREY:
Maya, here. Tell us.

Tell us what's the first thing
you're gonna do

- when you get the big promotion?
- Fire my annoying boyfriend.

- No way, I've got tenure, baby. I do.
- (LAUGHS)

My union would never allow it.

Mmm-mmm. (KISSING)

(MAYA GIGGLING)

MAYA: (LAUGHING)
Oh, my God. Stop.

MAYA: Wait.
You're leaving us for Ron?

It's not because everyone
thinks you're delusional

for trying to create a new product
with just three weeks to go.

It's just, Ron and I are actually
gonna be working together

next cycle, and I...
ARIANA: Ah-ah.

Say less.

God, that felt good.

I can still hear you.

Look, how long
could this take?

To be honest,
it could take a lifetime.

Don't worry. We got this.

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(SNIFFING)

I mean, I like the smell,
but no one else will.

Trying again.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Not me.

(MEOWS)

Nope.

Nada.

- Oh, you suck.
- What?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SONG ENDS)

- It's glowing. It's glowing!
- (OTHERS GASP)

What's it mean?

(MEN LAUGHING)

Everything all right in here?

You need something?

No hard feelings
with Hildy jumping ship.

Why? You didn't get
my thank-you note?

See you in the morning.

- What?
- Tell her.

- What?
- Go!

Okay. What?

It works.

- Oh, my God! Yes! Yes, yes!
- (ARIANA EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

Okay, we have
our presentation tomorrow.

- We need a wow factor.
- Yes.

And I have an idea.

We've tasked two teams
with two different challenges.

Zoe's team set out to create
a slightly more organic alternative

to an existing product line,

while Maya's task was to
create a completely new one.

A totally green line. Zoe?

You asked us
to repurpose one organic line.

Well, we made two.

Skin care.

And makeup.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

- Are these numbers accurate?
- Yes. With a minimal cost,

we made our products 6% more organic
than our previous line.

We estimate we can raise
our price per unit by 4%

and increase our annual skin care
revenue by $23 million.

That's very impressive. Maya?
Your ball.

Well, my team, Chase Horowitz,
Ariana Ng, and I,

have challenged ourselves
to think outside the box.

And in keeping with that theme,
we'd like to move our presentation

outside.

- ARIANA: Everything's ready.
- Okay.

- I still don't think that we need...
- Please.

Wow factor.

Okay.

MAYA: We're standing beneath this
tree for a very special reason.

Consumers are always looking
for something natural and real,

but they're often overwhelmed by the
amount of choices that are out there.

Words like "paralyzed," "confused,"
and "lost" kept popping up in our research.

We use one bar of soap
for our entire body.

Why do we subdivide our face?

- Uh, so we can make more money?
- (LAUGHTER)

I think F&C has an opportunity
to double our market share

by giving people what they
want and what they need.

One organic product
that does it all.

And that product
comes from a ginkgo tree

similar to this one.

All In One Ginkgo Cream.

We estimate we can raise
our price per unit by 9%

and increase our annual skin
care revenue by $63 million.

(MURMURS OF APPROVAL)

It's a revolutionary idea that we
think is really gonna take off

and signify a new era
in skin care.

A product that will
naturally and delicately

make our beauty soar.

(ALL GASPING)

Wow.

Maybe they're
just stunned.

Any questions?

(LAUGHTER)

Who? No, I'm getting her in trouble.
It's not the... It's not the...

Oh.

Look who showed up.

You owe me five bucks.

Well, the presentation
go good?

Uh... (SIGHS)

- Define good.
- Did they like it?

Until PETA showed up.
DILLY: Auntie M.

- Dill! Oh, you're home!
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

DILLY: Hi.

- How's Stanford?
- Yes. How's Stanford? Tell her. I can't.

I mean, why waste four years
on a piece of paper

that says I know how to do
what I already know how to do?

Right.

Excuse me.

She's really pissed at me.

Yeah, she doesn't want you
to wind up like me.

What are you talking about?
You're killing it right now.

You're only allowed
so many bad decisions, Dill.

Dropping out now handicaps your ability
to make good ones.

Hey, look who's back.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- I... I was hoping to see you.
- Yeah.

Yeah. You look different.

Yeah.

What, is that bad?
(CHUCKLES)

Hey, everyone. I...
I wanna thank you all for coming

to celebrate the only Christmas birthday
that actually matters.

Earmuffs, Jesus,
you know you're my boo.

JOAN: Cheers to me.

(ALL CHEERING)

Can I talk to you?

Yeah.

Look, um...

- There's something I never told you...
- About your daughter.

Yeah. Joan, she told me.

I mean, all that talk
about family and...

I thought it was me
you were hesitant about.

No, I was ashamed. I just...

I thought
I didn't deserve to...

(STAMMERS) Have...

- I should've told you.
- You should've told me.

You let me fall in love
with a version of you,

and no relationship built
on a lie can ever survive.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

You were always good enough.

Well, you...

You're the only one
that ever doubted it.

(CELL PHONE
CONTINUES VIBRATING)

Hello?

What?

Now?

I can't believe
you're still here.

Is everything okay?

Well, it could've
waited till Monday,

but then I wouldn't be able
to say this to you personally.

And you wouldn't have the
weekend to prepare your speech.

Speech?

The board has voted unanimously
to endorse your product.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Even after
the whole bird thing?

You know, I've never seen
a dove explode before.

- (LAUGHS)
- Congratulations.

(ZOE CHUCKLES)

Now, apart from the donation

we'll have to make
to the National Bird Society,

you are going to help make
this company a lot of money.

- And that is good for us all.
- Mmm-hmm.

We want you to present at our
Distributors Conference this Monday.

It is a big deal.
It's streamed online.

Business Weekly, Forbes, Fortune,
they all cover it.

Wow.

Yeah. And, um,
there is one more thing.

Go ahead.

We don't want you
to consult anymore.

We want you to join us
at the company permanently.

- Excellent work today, Maya.
- Thank you.

- Welcome to the family.
- (CHUCKLES)

ANDERSON: Oh.

- You wanna celebrate? (CHUCKLES)
- Yes.

What is the matter?
You should be ecstatic.

I am. I...

It's just been a crazy couple of weeks,
that's all.

Yeah, for us both.

- You're quite the photographer.
- (GROANS)

Why didn't you tell me that the photographs
in the apartment were yours?

I haven't even touched a camera in,
like, five years.

Do you miss it?

Sometimes,
but my dad needs me.

Your dad needs you
to be happy.

Have you thought about
going back to school?

We just found each other.

- Yeah, but we can still...
- It's in London.

- Oh. (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah.

Wow.

I still think you should go.

Why?

Because it's time, Zoe.

What you thinking about?

- Nothing. Just something my ex-boyfriend said earlier.
- Mmm-hmm.

I saw him tonight.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know you had a...

You just never
talked about him.

Why'd you guys split?

I wasn't completely
honest with him.

Why not?

I guess I was afraid to be.

Everything happens
for a reason, right?

Here's to us
working together.

We're building a company
with Dad.

Our company.

Zoe, look, this is an amazing
opportunity, but just don't...

Look, I can tell there's something
holding you back from taking the job.

But just know,

I am so grateful
to have you back in my life.

I think this could be
really good for us.

(CHUCKLES) Please.

Don't leave me again.

I need you.

(SOMBER SONG PLAYING)

(SONG ENDS)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Yep.

- Okay, put him through.
- (INAUDIBLE)

Mr. Taylor?

Yes, Mr. Ebsen. Sorry for
the delayed response.

I've been traveling a lot
the last few weeks.

That's quite all right.

I got your message.
I must say, I'm a bit confused.

We never had
a Maria Vargas work here.

Really?

I checked with personnel,

went through all our records,
and, as far as Estée Lauder is concerned,

that person never existed.

Okay, thank you.

Hey. What did you mean?

What did I mean?

Uh, when...

When you said the other night...
When you, um...

Yeah?

You know, when you said
that you're, um...

You're kinky?

Oh, that. Oh, that's just
something I say.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Or is it?

Oh, man.

Thank you.

Now, my father would normally
be making this introduction,

but because of
special circumstances,

he is, for once,
allowing someone else to get a word in.

(LAUGHTER)

In a world of increasing
competition and decreasing profits,

sometimes you need
a fresh perspective.

- Isn't that what you always say, Dad?
- When I can get a word in.

(LAUGHTER)

So, we hired a woman
who has achieved her success

not by going by the book,
but by trusting her gut.

Someone who is not afraid
to tell the truth,

even if the truth hurts.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Maya Vargas.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

- (WHOOPS)
- (CHEERING)

Thank you, Zoe.

Anderson.

Thank you
for giving me a chance.

You know, some people
never get a chance

because they can't afford
the right education,

or they don't have the degree
to get in the right doors.

And you're correct, Zoe.

Maybe I am where I am today
because I wasn't afraid to tell the truth.

Even if it hurts.

And the truth is...

The truth is...

The truth is a lie.

(AUDIENCE MURMURING)

For the past seven years,

I've been an assistant manager
at the local Value Shop in Ozone Park.

Oh, my God! All right!

I invented my résumé.

I never went to Wharton.

I never even graduated
from high school.

- What?
- Holy cow.

Cool.

I thought it was what I had to do
to get in those doors.

And there you are.

I thought none of you would even
look at me if you knew the truth.

Because I thought
I wasn't good enough.

So, I gave you
a version of me.

But, for better or for worse,

I have to be who I really am.

And I'm Maya Davilla

from Queens, New York.

That's the real me.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have lied.

To any of you.

But this product...

Not a lie.

It's amazing.

Chase, Ariana.

It's all yours.

What?

(AUDIENCE MURMURING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Was it all a lie?

Zoe.

The stuff
about the adoption agency.

Them telling you
not to look for me.

Was that a lie, too?

No, of course not.

Well, how can I trust
anything you say?

Listen, this is why
I tried calling you last night.

I got my wish.

I got my girl back.

But I realized something.

Okay? No relationship
built on a lie can...

Bullshit!

You know, after my mom died,

I put my entire life on hold
to be there for my dad.

That's what families do.

I'm not leaving you.

- I'm not going anywhere.
- (SCOFFS)

But I am.

Zoe!

(SOMBER SONG PLAYING)

MAYA: DearZoe,

I know that many people
believe in fate.

And trust me, there are times
I wish I was one of them.

I believe
we create our own fate,

that our lives are shaped
by a series of choices.

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

One decision
leading to another,

bringing us times of greatjoy
or years of regret.

In the end, it's up to us.
We get to write our own story.

I've made some
spectacularly awful choices in my life.

And two good ones.

Alongside giving birth to you,

the best decision I evermade
was to give you up.

Because you never would've become you
if it weren't for your parents.

And because you're exactly
the person I'd like to be

- when I grow up.
- (INAUDIBLE)

You will always be the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I'm sorry I messed it up.
Again.

(INAUDIBLE)

(SONG ENDS)

REPORTER: So you did all this in one year?
MAYA: That's right.

We created
a nationwide service

where consumers could shop for
groceries locally from home.

And all you need to join
is an e-mail address.

- And 20 bucks.
- (MAYA CHUCKLES)

You created an online store
specifically designed for each member?

Yeah. And our clients
can even use their phone

to pick out a specific cut of meat,
or a prepared salad,

or the third lemon
from the back.

My godson Dilly over there
created the app in between finals.

He works here
when he's not at Stanford.

He's a genius. (CHUCKLES)

You basically said to Value Shop,
"We're gonna build a better mousetrap."

And we said,
"We'd like to partner."

He's our little
angel investor.

We negotiated points
on some convertible debt.

It's a cute deal.

MAYA: We spend half our lives
looking back, wishing.

If we'd only done it differently,
chosen smarter.

Not made so many mistakes.

He eats it.
If he didn't eat it, then I wouldn't...

Hi. Hi, can we talk
for a second?

Yeah.

So, I got what you left
on my doorstep.

You really mean all this?

Ask me anything.

Okay.

- Are you... (STAMMERS)
- Yes.

You don't know
what I was gonna ask.

Whatever the question is,
the answer's yes.

Did you really
lose your daughter again?

Yes.

Are you ever
gonna lie to me again?

Yes.

But that was the last time.

- Funny.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

Are you ready
to have a family?

You are my family.

So, yes.

JOAN: Sorry.

This is broken and doesn't...
Okay.

- (TREY MUTTERS)
- (MAYA CHUCKLES)

(JOAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

MAYA: But the truth is,
our mistakes don't limit us.

Only our fears do.

And as unpredictable
as this journey has been,

I am so glad
it finally led me back to you.

Congratulations.

Your dad told me
you were back.

- Welcome home.
- Thanks.

You got your degree.

Now what?

I don't know.

You think
we could start over?

I was thinking
of going for a run.

(SOFTLY) Okay.

Do you wanna
come with me?

Yeah.

I'd like that.

A lot.

(SOMBER SONG PLAYS)

I'm about to cry.
(SOBS)

You guys are
fricking pussies.

Oh, my.

What? He said "fricking."

It's progress.

This time I'm not gonna be
as easy on you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Uh-huh.

- All right. Bring it.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)

MAYA: Every day you wake up
and have a second chance

to do whatever you want,

to be whoever you want.

The only thing stopping you

is you.

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)