Original subtitles

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

Get in!

Maybe he's not dead. - What?

We have to go back and see.

Joseph is an alien.

They're real.

They abduct people,

and they don't remember.

No!

At least let me remember this time.

- Ah! - Richard is back,

and he is murder-y.

I love him.

I gave the ball to Robert, but the Greys kidnapped him.

And their stupid, beautiful hybrids have it and my DNA.

They can speed up their plans

for the cavern at Yellowstone.

I am building a bomb

that can destroy the Greys' spaceship.

Some son of a bitch stole my bomb.

- Who would steal the bomb? - Joseph.

He must have slipped in while I was sleeping.

Handsome people, they think they can just do anything.

So the Greys have your DNA and the ball.

Mm.

They could blow up Yellowstone

and destroy the Earth any minute.

- Yeah. - And if I send my forces in,

the Greys will just freeze them?

Yeah.

That's it.

It's over. I--

I can't stop them.

Has anyone seen my tablet?

Oh, there it is.

Bridget, you have had enough screen time, okay?

It's... me.

No, no, no, this is my son.

He is young, and he is still experimenting with his look.

- Okay, terrible twos.

Don't slam it, you--

If your alien ship didn't fly over that night,

my father would still be alive.

I spent my entire life looking for aliens

so that I can kill them all and rid this Earth

of all you monsters.

This is my safe space.

I'm feeling not safe.

You know what I mean. You're one of the good ones.

One of the good ones?

I caught you in a racism.

It's too late.

It's really over.

No, it is not.

I just need to get my bomb back

and blow up the Greys' spaceship.

I have to find Joseph.

It may take a little time.

He travels by portal.

What?

What portal?

The portal--portals.

The Greys, it's how they get

from place to place and jump timelines.

It's the same technology I used

to go back in time to become Goliath.

I explained all of this to you.

Sometimes I think you do not listen to me.

You know, my words matter.

Don't worry.

I'll find Joseph.

Humans spend most of their lives searching for something.

Some days, it's a Grey hybrid alien who stole your bomb.

The next day, it's car keys.

And some days, what they're searching for

is the strength to tell someone they love

that their world is falling apart.

- Hi. - Hey.

- I need to tell you-- - I need to tell you something.

Sorry.

No, you go.

You ever have something so crazy happen

that you have no idea what to do?

Yeah.

Yeah, I have.

Hey.

I may only have time to do a few more of these.

I'm finally here.

I can see the Grey hybrids.

Oh, they really are so hot, it's scary.

Maybe I'm... just scared.

Look, I always thought I was put here to ski,

but maybe it's this.

It's kind of like avalanche control--

make an explosion to prevent a disaster.

Same, except on the mountain,

there's not much chance that I'm gonna blow myself up too.

But hey, if I die saving everyone,

at least I'll know I was here for a reason.

And I know you'll all be proud of me.

Not pushing this, but...

big bronze statue of me on a horse

might be a nice tribute.

It was D'arcy.

She would not steal a bomb.

There is not even any vodka in it.

Elliot said that she came to his house

and said she was gonna do something big

so that people would be proud of her.

This must be it.

We have to find her.

It was not her. It was Joseph.

He stole the bomb!

What bomb?

Never mind. It was her.

What the hell are you doing here?

Why, do you want to drug me again?

You want to be a dickhead again?

Yeah, I do.

Well, I don't, actually.

Tell me what this formula does.

And if you say anything about ice cream,

I'll know you might be lying.

This formula allows the Greys to make the Earth uninhabitable

for everything except their species.

So not humans?

No.

And not half-humans?

Yeah, no.

Wait, you didn't even know what your own plan was?

I knew something was up.

They were acting weird and wouldn't make eye contact.

Every time they would, they would smile too big.

Like when everyone is invited to a party except you.

Oh, God, I thought you didn't want to go to Kayla's birthday.

Of course I want to go to Kalayla's birthday.

It's Kayla. I've told you that so many times.

- Kaylala. - Will you drop it?

I can't believe they were gonna let me die.

After everything I've done for them.

I haven't had a day off in seven years.

That is horrible.

Even Septids get two weeks off a year.

It isn't just the vacations.

The per diem is shit.

We have the worst health plan.

You know, when I got in a fight with a Lepticon last year,

cut my hand, I was out of pocket for the stitches.

- That's horrible. - Yeah.

Had you met your deductible?

Can we please stop talking about health care, okay?

D'arcy is in danger.

The world could end any day now.

Today, actually.

- Today? - They gave your ball to Frank

and told him to fill the chamber at Yellowstone

with water. - Oh, my God.

We can help you defeat this son of a bitch Frank.

- How? - I built a bomb.

And her clown-haired friend, she stole it.

With the-- the stupid-looking--

Oh, stop it. God.

She's headed to Yellowstone

because she's gonna do something stupid.

But if you could help us find her,

then we could use the bomb and stop them.

It may be too late.

We have to try. Joseph, please.

Look, I--I know that there is a human part of you that cares.

I saw it the night that we went out--

you know, before you threatened to kill me.

- Oh. - This planet, it's your home.

It's life. It matters.

Harry gets it. Tell him, Harry.

If you help us,

Asta will date you again.

Or we could just focus on the planet part.

- She's playing hard to get. - Oh--

You'll get there. Come on.

I'm not gonna die for these bastards.

Let's date.

Do it. Let's do it.

- Yes. - And you should definitely

send in that receipt for the stitches.

It's too late. You only have a year.

Backdate it.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I'll let you guys work this out.

- They would never-- - Never know.

Fine. Aliens are abducting us?

So what?

You know, maybe this is good.

Good? They've been kidnapping you for 30 years.

It's better to know, you know?

We can make a plan, get our daughter back.

We don't need to go crazy.

You know, we can be smart about it.

First things first. - What are you doing?

Covering the house in tinfoil.

We need help. We need to,

I don't know, call the Pentagon or something.

Oh, no. We can call your Uncle Jim.

He works at the State House.

- He's a custodian.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, God.

What?

Nothing.

I was--I was praying.

- Yep. - Oh, God.

Okay?

Ben, can you come and help me pray

in--in the closet?

What if they're abducting Max?

Oh, God, do you think they are?

If they're taking both of us, maybe he has a chip too.

- Oh, no. - We've got to find a way to--

to check him without him finding out.

Yeah, okay, I think there's a--

there's a metal detector in here somewhere.

- Oh. - God, what is that smell?

You--you've been getting

some candle returns from your Etsy shop.

I di--I didn't know where else to put them.

Hurtful.

What is that?

What's going on?

♪ Can't seem to get my mind off of you ♪

♪ Back here at home, there's nothing to do ♪

♪ Vacation, all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Vacation, had to get away

♪ Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪

♪ Vacation, all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Vacation, had to get away

♪ Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪

Okay, I made it this far.

Only thing left to do is wait for the portal to open

and then, I guess, step onto a spaceship.

Very normal thing to say.

Also, I might be insane.

So this will be my last video.

The most important thing is that I, D'arcy Blue,

can single-handedly save the world.

And I can't stress this enough.

It is a small A after the D, not a capital one.

Okay, so it's capital D, apostrophe--

♪ Vacation, have to get away ♪

♪ Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪

Holy shit.

So how you doing, sweetie? Huh?

You--you having a good day?

Yeah? Oh, I missed you.

Give Mommy a hug.

Okay.

Hey, buddy.

What do you say we do some detector-ing?

Maybe hit the old-person beach at the lake again?

Yeah.

Why are you guys being so weird?

Well, the truth is...

The school called, and--

and someone in your class has lice.

So we--we got to check you out.

I can't have lice.

That's how people get nicknames.

We still call Will Hawley "Billy Bugs."

I would have gone with "Crawly Hawley," but--

Yeah, come on. Let's go to the bathroom.

I'll--I'll check you out.

Sir--

Look, I don't want to hear searching this woods

is a waste of time because Joseph is some alien

who was beamed up onto his spaceship, okay?

So if that's what you're gonna say,

I'd rather you just tell me that, you know,

you think my--my soap makes me smell like a fresh houseplant

or--or you're impressed with the musculature

of Cletus' haunches.

Is there a third choice?

Deputy, these woods are Joseph's only way out of here.

You saw how hard Ben hit him.

No human man walks away from that.

Who said he walked?

Some people think the most efficient form

of human transportation is rolling.

Are you the some in "some people"?

Well, let's just say when I was in fifth grade,

I did 40 miles per hour rolling down Pike's Hill.

My elbows, they still sound like a bag of chains

when I do push-ups.

And I ain't talking 50¢ pieces.

I'm talking dimes.

Come on, boy.

Max doesn't have a chip.

Oh, thank God.

Okay, okay.

We need to get ours taken out.

- What? - Harry won't do it.

He said mine is too close to a nerve or something,

but I--I don't care.

We need to get these taken out now.

Well, what about our baby?

We're gonna get her back, okay?

We're gonna find a way.

But I need to make sure that you and Max are safe.

Okay.

It's gonna be okay.

We'll take care of it.

Yeah, we're gonna take care of it.

Yeah, I'm gonna call Dr. Smallwood.

You know, she can do it.

- Good.

Oh, and ask her if she does lice.

Max's head is filled with it.

Oh, wait.

We don't even know where D'arcy is.

I do.

Here is the plan.

One, you're going to portal us to the tunnels

underneath Yellowstone.

Two, I will stop them from using

my alien ball on the caldera.

Three, we're gonna climb up this little ladder

to this sort of trailer, sort of mobile home thing

they got up there.

It's like their headquarters.

Okay.

That's where the portal is to the spaceship.

Four, we're gonna portal aboard the ship.

And five, we're gonna blow it up.

And find D'arcy.

We'll see how we're doing on time.

All right, you are not going.

- Thank you, Bridget.

It is too dangerous.

Screw that. I want to find D'arcy.

No.

Six, I will find her.

Seven, you stay here and order some pizza.

Eight, don't put your hands on your hips

and look at me like that.

And number nine, do not follow us.

Okay, you're right.

You can follow me.

Son of a bitch.

- Oh! - Whee!

I'm going to stop them from filling the cavern with water.

No, we're climbing the ladder to get to the ship portal

to get D'arcy.

No, no, your strawberry-haired friend

has to wait.

Saving the Earth is more important.

Make sure that nothing happens to her.

Ugh!

The water is filling quickly. There isn't much time.

Hey.

Get ready.

You are making his jacket all dirty.

Hurry up. I found son of a bitch Frank.

Oh.

Oh, the portal.

Asta!

- Come on. - Ow!

Excuse me.

I hate to bother you, but I need to use your portal.

Oh, shit. Shit.

Do you have an extra one of those

little remote control things?

He has one.

Oh.

Mine now.

Okay, I'm coming for you, D'arce.

Here we go.

Found it.

You got this down here? - I got it.

You will stop the Yellowstone explosion thing?

Yeah.

Good, good, good. Good. Good.

All right, you just keep... doing what you're doing.

And maybe we circle back at the cabin later.

We'll just circle back.

Circle back.

Okay.

Come on, Bridget.

Oh, no.

No!

Asta?

Oh, God.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Yeah.

No.

Okay, well, I'm here now, okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God, I'm so glad you're here.

- I was so worried about you. - Me too.

We're gonna be okay, I promise.

- Oh.

Hello.

Have either of you seen a woman come through here?

She has dark hair.

She's wearing a cowskin jacket.

You know what?

Never mind.

I'll find her.

This way.

Redwoods.

Now, see, that's a tree.

Do you know there's no limit to how tall they can get?

Hell, if I live long enough,

I could climb one of them right into outer space.

Plus, trees, they put out oxygen.

So I got that whole "what to breathe in space" problem

solved right there.

Space sounds good right now

because no one can hear you scream.

- You hear that? - Yeah.

Lena, you could have been killed.

You're the one who could have been killed.

I could have gotten killed too.

What are you doing here?

Well, I could say that I got a call

about two people with guns wandering around the woods

and came to investigate.

But then I'd say you're 50 miles away

from your jurisdiction

and you never would have been called for this.

Then because of your interrogation skills,

I'd be forced to admit that I've been tracking you

because I'm... worried about you.

Well, thanks for caring.

Truth is, we're tracking someone too.

Probably about all I should say.

We're tracking an alien,

possibly a human-alien hybrid.

- You're joking. - I never joke about aliens.

There's no such thing as aliens.

It's just disinformation spread by the government

to cover up their gene-splicing program.

Finally, somebody gets it.

See, if I didn't think you were perfect before,

I sure as hell do now.

Oh, yeah?

So you think I'm perfect?

I'll take Cletus for a walk.

Come on.

Well, you know, none of us are perfect,

though I come pretty close.

But I've spent a lot of time thinking

that maybe you come really close too.

Keep talking.

You're doing good.

Truth is, I really do care about you, and...

it shouldn't be as hard for me to say that as it is.

But I really would like to see what happens

if I said it more often.

Try it.

- I really do care about you. - Sorry, sir.

Cletus just pooped, and I don't have a bag.

Deputy, I'm in the middle of a thing here.

We're in the woods. Just leave it.

It's kind of a walking path.

- Kick it off to the side. - Right, sorry.

- Yeah. - Come on.

Come on.

I know I can come on strong.

I don't expect you to be the same way.

I just--I need you to meet me in the middle.

I think the middle would be a great place to start.

Cletus.

Oh, Deputy. Hold on.

Wait, I forgot.

I do have a baggie.

Oh, I don't need it anymore.

I'm at the "throw away my shoes" phase of this.

Could have told me about your dad.

I would have been there for you.

You shouldn't have to.

Remember the day we met in kindergarten

when I asked you if you would give me a piggyback ride?

You didn't ask.

You just jumped on my back and said, green light, go.

And you did.

You ran all the way to the gym.

Of course I did.

I'd never heard anyone laugh like that.

And I didn't want it to stop.

I don't want you to look at me

like I'm a weight you're holding.

No wonder you grew up thinking you had to take care of people.

I'm your villain origin story.

Okay, I know that I'm a caretaker

because sometimes I don't want to look at my own shit.

But sometimes when I take care of people,

that is taking care of me.

That day was the first time I heard you laugh,

and every time I've heard you laugh since, it just--

it gives me everything I need.

I love you.

This is all my fault.

We're gonna be okay, okay?

- Hey. - Hey.

How'd it go up there?

It's out.

You know, for the first time in my life, I feel free.

I'm so happy.

Yeah, me too.

Okay, Dr. Smallwood's ready for you.

I'm not doing it.

What?

I wanted to take it out.

I--I was-- I was desperate to, but...

after I got hypnotized and I saw our baby, I just--

I just can't.

But you just let me take mine out?

They have been taking you your whole life.

I want you to have peace.

But this chip is my only connection to our daughter.

And I can't leave her up there.

I can't let them keep taking you.

Ben, I want them to, okay?

They are going to take me again.

And when they do,

I'm going to fight.

And I'm not gonna stop until we get our baby back.

♪ Ooh

♪ It's time again

♪ I must be on my way

♪ Another day has come and gone ♪

♪ I'm afraid that I can't stay ♪

Are you scared?

You don't seem scared.

I'm trying to figure out how to get out of here.

We've been here for hours.

Did you bring your toothbrush?

Yes, that's a great idea.

We'll make it into a knife, and then I'll call the guard in

and you shiv him.

No.

I don't know how long we're gonna be here,

and I really need to brush.

You were gonna use mine?

You weren't gonna let me?

There is no escape.

Well, that's terrifying.

Love the cloak.

You smell so good.

Come on over to my side.

Why would we do that?

So I can eat you.

I'll start with D'arcy.

Oh, you look spicy.

- Asta! - Harry!

- Thank God. - Harry!

Good luck finding lunch.

I hate your cloak.

- Where is the bomb? - They took it.

Also, my backpack which was my favorite, so...

They took it after you took it.

I wouldn't have had to take it

if you were doing your job

instead of crying into a pizza box

about your bird girlfriend. - Oh!

Hey, stop it.

We have to find our way out of here, please.

Bridget and I need to find that bomb.

That could complicate things.

Robert, my son, I thought I might see you here.

I'm not your son, and what-- what are you doing here?

Well, we came to blow up the ship.

You remember your brother, Bridget?

He is your brother.

Families come in all shapes and sizes.

Wait, so you knew I was here

and you were gonna blow up the ship anyway?

I feel like you're twisting my words.

No, that's what you said.

The Greys took the bomb, but we need you

to help us go to the portal.

The alarm disengages the portals up here.

There's a better way out.

I know where their ships are.

Follow me. - Okay.

That's messed up, man.

You did not call or write!

- Go, go, go! - Find your target!

Got him.

Be careful.

We need him alive.

Two days ago, you said you wanted him dead

and you were gonna eat lunch out of his skull.

Alive.

You're back.

Am I supposed to be scared?

I should have killed you better the first time.

Ow.

You might want to take a look at this.

There's a spike in his brain activity.

No!

Where is my son?

What did he just say?

Give me my son!

His consciousness is back.

How is that even possible?

- It's not. - Where is he?

Maybe cellular memories.

Mitochondrial storage of the self.

The implications in dementia research--

- Kill him. - Light him up!

This way.

What kind of alien was in that jail cell, anyway?

Yeah.

And why did he know my name?

That's a Mantid.

They're shape-shifters. Don't talk to them.

Don't--don't even get close to them.

They get inside your head.

- Huh? - He wouldn't last a day.

Son, I remember now.

I did text you. I did.

I texted you and said, hey, buddy,

are you still on the ship?

I might blow it up. You may want to bounce.

And then I put emoji.

I was gonna do a thumb,

but they don't have purple thumbs,

so I used the eggplant.

And the aliens are also wizards.

Don't let them touch you with those things.

I wasn't planning on it.

You should all hide.

Bridget and I will take care of this.

Hello, Greys!

This is my baby.

He just got five new teeth today.

He wants to show them to you.

Go get 'em, Bridget.

Ya-ha!

Get it!

Let's play tug-of-war.

I'm going to stick my hand up your ass

and puppet you like you belong on public television.

Tell me the alphabet.

Where do you think you're going?

Hey, get back here.

Oh, this one is pregnant, I think.

Are these eggs?

What about you? Hey, Bridget, get the other one.

Holy shit.

He's trying to get away. Here, rip his leg off.

Ow! Now beat it.

Beat it to death, yes.

Oh, you can come out now.

Hey.

Jesus!

He is so cute.

I bet he tries to bury that thing.

D'arce? Where's D'arcy?

We have to get to the launch bay.

No, I'm not leaving without her. D'arcy!

Bridget and I have to find that bomb.

I will find D'arcy too. I promise.

You have to get to safety.

No, Harry.

Harry!

Go!

God.

Kate?

D'arcy?

Oh!

Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Hey.

Have they been abducting you too?

No, no. I--I kind of abducted myself.

What? Long story.

I know a way out.

You've got to help me.

They took my baby.

They took Max?

No, my baby.

When I was pregnant,

they stole her from me.

And now they've just been bringing me up here.

But I know where they keep the babies.

Please, please, you got to help me.

- You-- - No, please.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm with you.

Let's go.

Hey.

If we make it out of here,

I'm not gonna remember any of this.

So...

thank you.

Peekaboo.

I love you so much.

Mommy's right here.

This is messed up.

I don't see her.

This is a nightmare.

Thought this is just a shitty sci-fi cliché.

Mommy loves you.

- Baby. - You're so wonderful.

We will always be together.

You're getting so big.

I will always protect you.

Oh, God. - Mommy loves you.

I love you so much.

My precious little boy.

Aren't you a pretty baby?

What the hell is taking them so long?

They'll be here.

Screw this.

I'm gonna find her myself.

Aren't you a pretty baby?

Mommy's right here.

Where is she?

It's gonna be okay, sweetie.

- D'arcy? - Come on.

You're my precious little girl.

You are the sweetest little girl.

You are so wonderful.

I love you so much.

Oh, there she is!

Run, D'arcy!

No! No!

No! Please!

Give me my baby!

Please don't do this!

I'm her mother!

Mommy's right here.

You're getting so big.

Oh, look at your pretty little eyes.

I should just kill you right here

for infiltrating my base

and murdering my team.

You're quite the dangerous man.

But, then, you're not actually a man, are you?

I just destroyed the Greys' Yellowstone plan.

They're gonna kill me anyway, so...

go ahead and do it first.

Can't.

You have something I want.

What?

A portal.

D'arcy?

D'arcy, where are you?

♪ Vacation, meant to be spent alone ♪

- D'arcy. - Run!

Hey! You're leaving without us?

Yeah, I told him not to shut the door.

We have to leave.

Shut the door.

There's nothing down there for me.

My father's gone. Go.

I'll try to hold them off. - Robert!

Where's Bridget?

I do not want to talk about Bridget.

Bridget is gone.

We have to leave.

You're holding a baby.

Long story.

Okay.

At least we made it off the ship.

Except it's not a ship.

Oh, my God.

Oh, that's not good.

Oh!

They sent a ship after us.

They're shooting.

What's the plan here?

If we make it to Earth's atmosphere,

they may turn back to avoid detection.

A-and what if they don't?

Either we kill them, or they kill us.

♪ Every light is on

You do know that meeting me in the middle

was a figure of speech?

I'm looking at that county line,

and I see I'm about 3 feet on your side.

So I feel like I've gone above and beyond.

Well, maybe if you find your alien in the forest,

you can come all the way to Jessup to tell me.

The day I tell you I done seen an alien

is the day you lock me in a padded cell.

- Sheriff?

Come in, Sheriff.

A motorist called about an explosion

at that old high school off of 146.

Might be those kids again.

Copy. I'm nearby. I'm on the way.

So... what do you think, dinner tomorrow night?

Your town or mine?

- Yours, of course. - Oh, good answer.

- Oh, I like good answers.

♪ Baby, won't you come on home ♪

All right.

♪ Baby, won't you come on home ♪

- I'll call you later. - You better.

So I've been on a spaceship.

You know, Paris doesn't seem as big a priority now.

Paris is still worth it.

Okay.

I know I've been giving you a hard time in the past

about not taking care of Asta.

But you saved her life. I'll never forget that.

New rule here.

Harry Vanderspeigle gets free pie whenever he wants.

Dad, he doesn't pay for it anyway.

It was the gesture.

Hey, I'm really sorry about Bridget.

That has to be the hardest thing in the world.

I do not care.

I deal with death all the time.

I am a doctor.

I have to go to work this morning

at 9:00 a.m. at the clinic.

I'll probably see death there too.

Oh.

Okay, but do not blame yourself.

You did everything that you could.

Here you go.

- Ah. - Ooh, fresh pie.

Mm.

Yuck, ew.

Okay, now I know he's upset.

Probably for the best.

If I had to give him free pie, I'd go out of business.

We have a joke on my planet.

What is the best way to cloak a ship above Earth?

You do not need to, because humans

are too afraid to look up.

It is funnier in my language.

♪ We build our hopes up high ♪

♪ Perchance to someday fly

♪ Across the clear blue sky to someplace new ♪

But I have discovered that humans

can actually be very brave.

My people risk our lives constantly,

but that is not brave, because we do not fear death.

Humans are terrified to die, but they will risk

their precious lives anyway.

♪ It's the thief

Sometimes they risk their lives for someone they love.

Your neck still sore?

I'm fine.

You don't remember anything?

♪ Oh, what a

No.

♪ Beautiful world

Sometimes they risk their lives to love themselves more.

Sometimes they are willing to risk it all

because they think there is a better life somewhere else.

♪ We live our legends down

♪ Wake up in lost and found

♪ Become that highway sound and roll on through ♪

♪ Oh, what a

♪ Beautiful world

What the hell is this?

And sometimes it is to find the truth.

Holy shit.

This is stupid.

He's your buddy, and buddies have fights.

Then they make up.

I really hate to say this, but he's been good for you.

Fine.

Maybe that is what humans are really searching for,

another human who is willing to risk their life

for something or someone they care about,

for someone who may be in trouble.

Max has something to say to you.

Because someday that someone might be you.

This is some bullshit!

Bullshit!

♪ Oh, what a

♪ Beautiful world